Welcome back, my friends! It’s time for episode two of the season, and the producers have a ton of material to show us. We’re going to see the reactions to Jessie’s entrance into the house, the ramifications of losing the HOH competition, and the initial reactions to each other that leads to what we’ve been reporting here since the feeds were turned on Thursday night. Oh yeah, and we’ll see Jesse’s nominations (and rumor has it we’ll see the veto completion, but I doubt that).
Ugh, same opening as always. Isn’t it time the production team hired some new blood? Oh, silly boobalicious Laura - “nine out of ten girls hate me because of the way I look”.
After the recap, we do indeed see Jesse enter the house amid a few incredulous screams. Lydia and Kevin aren’t so excited, though. “I hate Jessie”, complains Kevin. “A meathead. A guy I couldn’t connect with.” I now have a new opinion on Kevin. Lydia says that somehow she needs to find common ground with him.
Ugh, Jesse really hasn’t changed. Bragging away in the diary room, stripping off his shirt. Get over yourself, dude. Russels is happy, though, because he’s a “pretty neat cat”. Natalie, meanwhile, sees Jesse as an advantage for herself and her team. Ronnie is also excited because he “knows his weaknesses. I’m stronger than Jesse. I can outthink Jesse.” Oh boy.
Lydia attempts to make small talk with Jesse, which leads Russell to complain how she’s kissing up to him. Meanwhile, Ronnie brings in Michelle and Chima to suggest bringing in the “athletes” to carry through the game. Really, Ronnie? You’re going to carry Jesse and Co.?
Jeff has a conversation with Jesse, who claims that Jeff knows each other more than he does. Um, they just met an hour or so before he came into the house. Jeff’s not so crazy with the idea of reporting who is talking about him.
And now we go to the boring “who wants to see my HOH” segment. Kevin says it’s “super zen”, and Casey is envious because Jesse didn’t have to do anything to get into it. Ugh, I hate when Jesse talks like people are ten years old. He just hates that everybody is envious of him.
Ronnie is now in the bedroom with Jordan, Michelle and Lydia complaining about how he hated high school because he played video games. Michelle complains that in high school people spread rumors that she was a lesbian. Isn’t that because you’re so smart? Jordan can’t relate, and says she treated everybody the same, even if they had tattoos or had glasses. Sure you did. Ronnie thinks that this clique split can show America how everybody is really the same. God, did CBS script that for him?
So now Ronnie is waiting for Jesse upstairs to ensure his safety. He immediately throws Michelle and Chima under the bus, saying they have “no gameplay”. He guarantees those three votes to anybody he wants out the door. Again, we hear Ronnie talk about how this game is an “opportunity” to work with the kinds of people who hated him in high school. Oh Lord.
After a commercial break, we see Lydia and Kevin complaining again about how much they hated high school…and how tough it is to deal with people like Jesse. They’ve both been judged too much in their lives. I guess having tattoos is just like being gay. “There’s more than meets the eye”, she says.
Now it’s Russell’s turn to kiss Jesse’s ass, and they immediately form a mutual admiration society. Russell immediately says that Lydia should be on the block because she’s so smart. Russell says in the diary room that the two of them together are unstoppable.
Jesse now plays chess with Natalie with a crowd gathered to watch. Laura asks who the hottest guy in the house, and Kevin says it’s Jeff. It’s clear what name Jesse wants to hear, and Laura doesn’t disappoint. I have to give Jesse credit - he saw right through it as a “desperate attempt”. Jesse beats Natalie, and then brags how nobody can beat him. They all pretend to eat it up, and Natalie’s flirtations continues. It’s obviously working, as Jesse says in the diary room that he can see a “lot of my attributes” in her.
Now we see them together in the HOH bed, talking about who they should align with. They both agree on Ronnie, since he’s no threat, and we now see Ronnie telling Chima how he set it up for them. Oh god, cliché time. “Actions always speak better than words.” Again, it’s a “great opportunity”.
Ronnie and Chima then interrupt Natalie and Jesse, and Natalie asks them about being a pawn to “hide the brains alliance with the athletes”. Really, in the first week you want to hide alliances. Chima is obviously not comfortable with this idea, but Ronnie is smart enough to know that all too often the pawn ends up going home.
Jesse gathers the troops after another commercial break to announce the details of what used to the food competition. The clique who loses the competition now loses more than just food. It’s a “have and have not” competition now. Kevin’s not happy, but everybody does have fun caking on their “war paint”, especially Lydia.
They’re even more impressed by the “rave-like” setup outside. The athletes aren’t playing, so they get to “chill” in the VIP area. There’s neon lights that spell the word “have”, and using pipes they have to light it up. The last-place clique is the first “have nots”. Ronnie’s “fairly confident” because he’s a smart guy. Yeah, but you don’t have a Phd.
So the game commences, and Jordan has no clue with the instructions she’s being given. Casey’s team seems to do well because, as Lydia puts it, he “has that teaching and coaching ability”. The brains aren’t doing so well, though, even with Ronnie’s plan to work in a “linear” fashion.
Casey says he saw they were doing well, and that the other teams weren’t doing well at all. “It was a complete mess”, explains Michelle. Casey’s team fit’s the final piece and celebrates their win. Braden says that he was looking at the game like it was a bunch of “Lincoln logs”, and they indeed are ahead of the brainiacs. Ronnie, meanwhile, is creating nothing short of a mess. Needless to say, the Populars come in second place.
With the game over, Jesse describes how not only are they on slop but they get cold showers and must sleep in the “have not” room. Chima’s pissed, saying she can’t deal with it. Michelle complains how she’s such a sore loser.
They walk back into the house to see a huge pot of slop, and the “barren” room they must live in. “By the end of the week, I will be in a straitjacket”, complains Chima. Ronnie is fairly upbeat, while Jesse brags about how hot he looks in his pink tights. Ugh. Chima can’t live in such circumstances, she says, and just wants to go home now. Casey laughs in the diary room about how the “princess” is acting.
We return from commercials with the footage we saw Thursday night on Showtime - the “bikini competition”. Oh yeah, it’s very nice. Laura eats it up, but outside of her oversize breasts Michelle is just as hot. Jesse immediately realizes that she’ll use her “assets” to survive in the house, but “whatever she’s selling, I’m not buying”. (Funny thing is, that’s the only time I’ve seen Laura smile, let alone wear something provocative.)
Jesse is now alone in the kitchen with Laura, who again attempts to flirt with Jesse. She asks him if he can tell who are the people just kissing up to him. Um, yeah, he does, and it’s you, my dear. Laura complains in the diary room about how he doesn’t seem to want to talk to him, but clearly it’s because it’s a “school boy game, and it’s going to get him attention if he’s rude to me”. No, dummy, it’s because he can see through you.
Jesse is now upstairs with Natalie and Lydia, who offers to give him a massage. “That’s definitely a way to get closer to him, and talk to him”, she explains. Again, we hear Jesse talk about how everybody is going to kiss his ass this week since he’s HOH. She admits in the diary room that she’s being nice to him to find out where she stands with him.
After showing a sign that says “nominations today”, we cut to Natalie, Jesse, and Russell debating the nominees. Natalie, the spokesperson for Team Jesse, explains how somebody from the Brains is definitely going up as a pawn. Right now, it’s between Laura and Lydia. Russell wants Lydia because she’s “playing the game” whereas Laura is doing nothing. Russell claims he’s “running the show from the backgrounds”. Um, yeah. Jesse claims in the diary room that he’s going to do what’s best for Jesse instead of listening to them. Are ya?
It’s now nomination time, and again the script hasn’t been changed from previous seasons. Laura is worried, but says if “Jesse is playing hardball, he’s playing with the wrong girl”. Ronnie is hoping that Chima is indeed the pawn, while Lydia believes she’s safe. Russell again claims that he’s running the show, while Braden babbles in surfer speak.
Jesse babbles some more about loyalty and retaliation. It’s really no different than we heard from him last year. He then announces it’s time for the ceremony, and we see (in order) Michelle, Braden, Kevin, Ronnie, Jordan, Laura, and Casey pull their keys.
Jesse admits that he doesn’t have much to go by since this is the first week, and really doesn’t give any other excuses. Chima knows that pawns “have a tendency to go home”, and Ronnie brags how the nominations are “the best thing ever!”. Lydia is tearful because there’s no reason for her to go out this early. Braden babbles more surfer speak. Can somebody please translate? Jesse babbles some more Jesse-ism, and then we conclude the episode. Funny how NOTHING from the commercial was used!!!
See you all Tuesday!!!