There will be no big introductory paragraphs for this episode. We all know what we’re getting tonight – Rachel, Rachel, and a bit more Rachel. Oh yeah, and a has-been-but-never-was-in-my-eyes promoting a terrible show that will probably not last the summer. Sound exciting?
So here we go with the reactions to Cassi’s unanimous eviction. Shelly says its “bittersweet” because it was all caused by her earlier vote against Keith. Jordan again babbles about how it was too “early in the game…to make everybody mad”. Rachel goes off on one of usual catty speeches while bitching about Cassi complaining she’s catty. Get it?
Now we see Shelly thanking everybody for keeping her, but Lawon says “Big Brother has turned into a cathouse. Cassi leaving was just catty. It was personal. Rachel didn’t want Cassi to outshine Rachel’s Big Brother show.” That may be the smartest, yet most obvious, thing he’s said all season. Shelly is given her key, and, of course, she’s excited about this “lifeline”, while Dom complains about how the lack of success of The Regulators.
And the nightmare now begins, as we see Rachel winning HOH. “I am so excited! I am on fire!” Ugh, die bitch. “I gotta brush off my shoulders as I have never lost a HOH!” Brendon calls Rachel “The Quiz Girl”; the “brains behind our operation. I’m the athletic side, but anything that involves thinking quickly on your feet, Rachel can handle”. Oh Lord. There’s so much wrong in that statement.
Everybody congratulates Rachel, but Adam complains in the diary room about the vets winning everything. Well, do something about it! “Unfortunately, Rachel won again, so it’s time once again to kiss Rachel’s butt.” You better have a doctor check your lips when you’re done performing that task, Adam. Lawon knows that it’s either going to be him and his partner, or Adam and Dom that goes up. “I’m going to fight like a dog up in here!” Really?
Brenda and Rachel continue the celebration with Jordan and Jeff. Jordan says that she was happy Rachel won, as she didn’t want any of the noobs to get it. Dom then basically repeats what Lawon said a couple of minutes earlier, but “I feel like the little social work I’ve done in the past two weeks may pay off.”
At the same time, Brendon tells Jeff that he thinks the nominees should be Adam and Dom. Jeff, though, thinks that as payback for last week that he and Jordan should have some say in this week’s decision. Shelly is seen talking with Adam, complaining that the noobs must start actually winning. Adam believes that this week the noms should be Kalia and Lawon “because they haven’t done anything”. Well, of course he does. Adam adds in the diary room that he needs to work with Brendon and Rachel to ensure they know he’s with them.
Time for pure fluff. Rachel comes out of the diary room with her HOH key, but everybody’s hiding. They suddenly jump up and toss pillows at her. Oh, how wacky they are. You know the rest of this story – we get to see pics of her family and other garbage. She reads her letter from her sister, and I struggle to keep my eyes open.
Adam now visits Rachel and Brendon in the HOH, and he tells them he “wants to be around for awhile”. Brendon babbles about how he doesn’t want two floaters to make it to the end, and Adam complains how Kalia and Lawon have done nothing so far. In the diary room, though, Rachel says he had his chance, and knows that if Adam was the HOH they’d probably be up as nominees.
It’s now Lawon’s turn, and he does exactly what CBS wants in his diary room babbling, proclaiming that “I’m going to creep on upstairs and spit my ol’ game”. He tells them that he knows he needs their help, and Rachel responds by asking how he plans on playing the game. Suddenly, he’s more animated than he’s been all season, claiming he’ll do whatever is needed. Rachel looks as bored as me. “I’d rather be napping right now than listen to somebody talk in circles.” Wait a second. I agree with Rachel???
Time for more fluff, as it’s time to make fun of Dom’s snoring. Jeff is especially pissed, as he says he’s a light sleeper. Thankfully, it’s a short segment, as Rachel jumps out of the diary room to announce a luxury competition. Adam is especially happy, as it means nobody is on slop this week.
They all head outside, and for some reason the set makes Adam think that Tori Spelling will be visiting. WTF? Enough with this bullshit! Instead, some short chubby guy walks out, and Daniele turns to Shelly and asks who that is. “Awkward.” The guy announces that he’s from the show “Same Name”, and shares the same name as another celebrity. The comp will involve clues to his identity, and the first to announce his name will win. To make sure you understand, Jeff repeats the rules.
The game begins, and on the first clue somehow Jordan takes soap and sunglasses clues to figure out its David Hasselhoff. The game goes on, and Rachel somehow believes it is Michael Bolton. Brendon guesses that it’s Michael C. Hall. Brendon is then pissed that Rachel is helping Porsche, who somehow guesses that it is Michael Jackson. Some help. He’s dead, you bozo. Adam guesses Ricky Martin, and Lawon says it has to be Barbara Streisand. After the next clue, a knight in armor, Rachel guesses Kira Knightley, while Porsche says it’s Brian McKnight. Ok, this is going on too long.
Ending this idiotic segment, they all head outside to find Hasselhoff in his Knight Rider vehicle. Nice job in everybody acting like this is a fantastic meet and greet. After a tour of the house, Hasselhoff announces that Jordan has won, and her and three guests get to watch his awful new show. Jordan quickly picks Jeff, Shelly, and Kalia. Rachel is clearly pissed. “You’re not picking me to go to the screening and I’m the HOH. What is going on in your head, girl?”
OMG, this continues after the commercials, as they all head upstairs to eat sushi and watch this dumb show with the Hoff. Meanwhile, Rachel and Brendon have another fight. Brendon says that he’s so sick of fighting that he wants to leave. “Good, leave”, replies Rachel. Wash, rinse, recycle.
Hasselhoff finally leaves, and reads the CBS script perfectly as he talks about the sweetness of Jordan. Shelly informs Jordan that Rachel is pissed, and Jordan says in the diary room that she didn’t pick Rachel because she didn’t want to look like she’s kissing her ass. Meanwhile, the fighting continues, and Brendon says they should just put up Jeff and Jordan to make America hate them. Seriously, CBS, you’re showing THIS MUCH of their 300th fight? Plus, this much of the clips from Same Name??? Awful.
Ok, their fight continues into a third segment, as Dom comes in to offer his services to the “game’s strongest competitors”. His theory is that as long as he’s aligned with them, there will always be bigger targets than him. I guess that’s not a bad plan, and Brendon thinks that he’s a bigger target than Jeff because Jeff “hasn’t won shit”. Brendon’s idea is for him and Daniele to work with the two of them. Rachel claims that Jeff saying Dom is coming after them is their “first strike”, and not letting her be a part of the luxury prize is their “second strike”. Oh, you silly twit. “They didn’t even take me, and I’m the HOH!” Ugh! Dom says he’s in this 100% until the end, but Rachel isn’t sure she can trust him.
Dom goes off and reports his conversation with a sleeping Daniele, who says “everybody in this house is stupid”. She asks Dom if he would ever nominate Jeff and Jordan, and he says he’d rather backdoor them. Since nobody will put them up, they have to get Brendon and Rachel to do their work.
Daniele then heads up to talk to Brendon and Rachel, saying that the best plan for her is to break up the two couples. She immediately jumps in on how stupid Jordan was not including them in the prize, and that completely pushes Rachel’s button. Daniele says she’s worried that they wouldn’t have the guts to put them up, and that somebody has to be the first to break. “Jeff’s gotta go”, says Daniele. Brendon, though, says they have to think this through as doing this too early may be a big mistake.
Jeff then comes into the HOH and asks if they’re mad about the luxury prize. “Noooooo, why would we care”, replies Rachel. Brendon says that Jeff was definitely doing damage control, and Rachel adds that it’s obvious that people are trying to create a rift between the two couples. “We’re not going after you two guys ever. If we wanted to, it would have been last week…it’s not even in our mind.” Brendon and Rachel claim they are thinking the same thoughts, and Jeff admits in the diary room that dealing with Rachel means walking on egg shells. Jeff finally leaves, and Rachel says she’s confused but “would have no problem stirring up the game a little bit”.
It’s not nomination time, and everybody again ably reads their scripts. Jeff and Jordan’s keys are pulled first, and then Kalia and Lawon. Adam and Dom are once again nominated. Rachel gives the “purely strategic” speech, and they all babble the usual nonsense.
That’s all folks! What did you think of the episode? Did you tire of the Hoff segments? Or the Brenchel fighting? Was there anything entertaining about this episode?