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« Head Of Household Competition Results | Main | Shelly Gets The Editing Shaft From CBS - What Really Happened. »
Thursday
Aug112011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 16 Recap

Generally, I have a pretty good idea on the main events of every episode. Besides viewing the feeds, the template for Big Brother broadcasts rarely change. I know A will be followed by B, with a small possibility of C being cut out to get to D. This format rarely changes.

Well, tonight I’m almost clueless. Sure, I have some ideas on what we’re going to be shown, but for the most part it is a clean slate (just like the brains of most of the Big Brother house). I know that the person that is evicted will get a chance to compete to immediately return, but I have no idea how this is all going to work out. I’m almost excited!

Almost is the key word, though, as it is very unlikely that the person I want to leave will be evicted, and it is also likely that the person I don’t want to see return will indeed be the lucky one. I almost have to pray for a Buster Douglass-ish upset, and unfortunately I don’t see any lucky punches coming from one of the most clueless contestants in reality show history.

Once Julie explained that Lawon is incorrect in his assumption that the returning player has a special power, we get the show off with reactions to Jeff’s use of the veto. Rachel can’t believe that Lawon was put up, and says she doesn’t think Lawon even knows he’s in the Big Brother house. “This is a miracle!”

Lawon screams that he “loves” being on the block, and somehow believes he has a “99% shot of coming back to the game with super powers”. Oh, you deluded man. “So take note, America. Lawon made the boldest move that anyone could do in the Big Brother house.” No, you made the stupidest move!

Jeff is also surprised, thinking that she is either “very intelligent” (nope), or “she’s so stupid to put the numbers even more in our favor. My vote is she’s really stupid” (yep). Kalia explains that this is probably not the best week to kick out Rachel, and she needs to put up someone “who won’t be gunning for me”.

Lawon is now sitting in the kitchen, complaining about being put up. “I’m putting on my acting skills right now. I want everybody to believe this is not planned…Big Brother get ready for the performance of a lifetime.” Yeah, we’ll be waiting…and waiting. Shelly plays along, even though she knows the whole plan. She gives a second glance when Lawon says he would never volunteer.

Lawon now heads outside, and Shelly follows him saying he should be “fired up”. Lawon continues to act, but Shelly knows he’s lying by the way he’s talking. She asks him if he volunteered, and adds that she knows he’d never lie. “Something doesn’t make sense.” He says that he’s going to figure it out before he walks out the door, which is another red flag for interrogator Shelly! “Rachel is not going to persuade anybody. This whole thing is wack-a-doodle.” She says she’s going to get to the bottom of it.

Shelly heads right up to the HOH to ask Kalia if he volunteered. Kalia immediately says that he indeed did volunteer (why would you tell her that?). Jeff and Jordan are also talking about Lawon, and Shelly comes in to spill the beans about Lawon’s act. “I got some questions. I hate actors.”

Lawon then walks in, and starts bitching that she should have told him. He then walks out, and Shelly makes fun of his acting skills. Jeff really doesn’t care, though, as he and Jordan are safe.

After listening to her usual garbage about having to save herself, we then see Rachel heading into the HOH to talk to Daniele and Kalia. Yeah, this is the same type of crap we have seen a hundred times. Rachel says she has two votes, and just needs to find one more. Kalia replies that she has the vote to keep or evict Rachel, and they talk deal. “I need to know that I’m not going to get screwed”, says Daniele. Rachel laughs in the diary room afterwards, promising they’re “going to feel the wrath of Rachel”.

Meeting adjourned, Rachel heads into the have-not room to report to Jordan her version of what happened upstairs. She denies setting up a deal with them, and after Shelly walks in the story is repeated. Shelly advises them to not listen to them, and that they’re playing her. Shelly advises her to not talk to them again. “We’ll vote you out if you go up there again.”

Shelly’s work is not done, though, as she now has a discussion about Lawon with Daniele. She denies having any knowledge about the setup, and says she’s confused as to which “crazy” she should evict. Shelly then tells a slightly truthful story about the aftermath of Rachel’s meeting with Daniele and Kalia. “I honestly thought by the way she was acting that you guys had made up and she had made a deal with y’all.” Daniele is pissed! “This is unbelievable to me.”

And we’re back to where we started, with Daniele reporting Shelly’s story to Kalia. Yes, we’re supposed to believe that there is some suspense as to who is being evicted. Kalia doesn’t quite buy the story, though, and wonders if it is better to just boot Rachel and “take our chances”. Yeah, right.

After the first commercial break, it is time for Julie to talk to the house. She asks Daniele if the twist has affected how she plays the game, and she sort of acknowledges that it has but at the same denies it. Shelly is then asked about the crying in the house, and she replies gibberish garbage. Jordan is next, and it is still about the tears. She recaps the have-not competition, and says she was a “ball of fire” this week and “pretty gripe-y”. Jeff is asked if the game gets harder or easier as it goes on, and he says that it’s harder. He thinks that this time he’s been better controlling his emotions. Oh really?

Oh boy, it is time to hear from last year’s house guests about their thoughts about Rachel. It begins with Rachel, and anybody who follows him on twitter know that they had made up after the completion of their season. “Believe it or not, I’m going to be in Rachel’s wedding party.”

Matt then shows up at Ragan’s house, and they sit and watch some footage from this year. Matt jokes about Rachel’s lack of tears (haven’t we all), and we then see Brendon being evicted. Ragan calls Rachel’s breakdown “cry-bernating”. Hmmm. He says that she doesn’t know what it is like to play the game without Brendon. Ok, as much as I love Ragan and Matt, I’m now getting bored with this.

Wow, they’re actually making time to talk to Kalia. Julie begins by asking what her biggest challenge was this week, and Kalia says that it was the twist and how it made her rethink getting out Rachel. Ugh, Kalia still believes she’s a tough player. Julie also asks about making up with Jeff and Jordan, and she babbles about believing they were her friends, and that she missed their friendship. Yeah, that’s your downfall.

We return to the living room for final pleas, and we begin with Rachel. She thanks her family, and misses Brendon. She thanks everybody in the house, and reminds them one more time about the twist. Lawon lets out a squeal, and says it has been a “great summer for me”. He says he won’t say anything about spineless jelly fish, as he loves everybody. “Do the best thing that’s good for you.”

The voting begins with Jordan, who obviously votes against Lawon, as does Jeff before we go to a commercial break. Once we return, voting continues with Porsche, who continues the anti-Lawon sentiment, as does Daniele (who says she knows she will regret it), Shelly, and Adam. It’s unanimous!

Julie delivers the news, and before he gets to the door Julie stops him. She tells Lawon that he does have a chance to return to the house, but he will be battling his way back. She lets on that the other four evictees have been sequestered, and Rachel’s mouth literally drops! Seriously, literally drops! Lawon will now battle against the America’s Choice winner to return.

We then get the four evictees on cam, and Keith is asked if there are any surprises by his company. He says that seeing Brendon is a major shock, and Cassi feels the same. She had a feeling that Dom may have been evicted. Dom says he’ll “offer my first born child” to return. Brendon repeats how he “gave up his game for Rachel”, and he would love to return. Julie says that Lawon was just evicted, and now it’s Brendon’s turn to drop his jaw…but obviously not as far as Rachel.

Unfortunately, we have to sit through one more commercial break before we find out who America chose. God, I hope it’s not Brendon…and in a close vote it was Brendon! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This season sucks!

Brendon and Lawon take their places at the buzzes, and the competition is called “That’s How We Roll”. Balls are dropped with the houseguests named, and the first person who gets the entire set of house guests in the baskets wins. Yeah, this doesn’t look good for Lawon.

As soon as it commences, we have to hear the screaming from Rachel. Brendon is the first to score a basket, and his lead continues to increase. Jordan is now holding her ears as she has to endure Rachel’s screeching. Brendon is up 7-4 with a just under two minutes left, and Brendon’s lead continues to increase. It is 12-6 with one minute left, and Brendon eventually completes the competition. Yes, Brendon is back, and obviously Rachel straddles him.

This is not good news for me, my friends, or America. Thanks, Kalia, for the worst HOH week in history. Thanks, Lawon, for making the dumbest move in Big Brother history. What are your thoughts on the twist? Or Brendon’s return? Or anything else for that matter? Let me know. Somebody has to cheer me up!

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