Yesterday, I was listening to a comedy show on satellite radio and one of the topics was the overuse of the “our long national nightmare is now over”. The host was making the case that it is one of the worst clichés in modern journalism, and it should be never used again.
Well, I’m going to use it tonight, because (barring some last-second craziness) the nightmare that Rachel calls “Brennnnnon” is being cast aside for what should be the very last time. No more expert commentary on every subject. No more elaborate meals that suck the Big Brother house of food supplies. No more passive/aggressive behavior towards not only his “feeeee-ance” but the rest of the cast.
Most importantly, no more bragging on how he is the greatest player to ever set foot in the house. Guess what, science boy? You’re now the only person to be evicted from Big Brother THREE times! Yes, that’s right; there’s been a trio of wonderful evenings where the “Neander-tall” has walked out the door. Don’t let it hit you in the ass, you doofus.
Before we get to that great moment, though, we have lots and lots of filler to get through. Seriously. Lots of filler, especially since the HOH competition looks to be an endurance competition. I can’t even imagine the silliness we’re going to have to endure.
So let’s get started with the reaction to Adam using his veto, and Brendon replacing him as a nominee. Brendon is confident that he’s not going to be evicted again, and Shelly doesn’t believe that she “falls into zombieland”. Daniele complains about Kalia’s HOH week, and that she needs to clean it up by evicting Brendon. Rachel claims that by nominating Brendon twice, it is obvious that Daniele is “intimidated” by Brendon. Don’t think so, my dear. Rachel doesn’t stop there…as you may expect.
As with every Thursday episode this week, Brendon and Rachel head into the have-not room to cry, whine, kiss, point fingers, and make up. There’s no need to recap their silliness, and, thankfully, we’ll never see this scene again this season. Brendon thinks he just needs to convince either Porsche or Adam for a vote to save himself.
Shelly, Jeff, and Daniele are now laying out in the sun, and Daniele comments on how “this is going to be a long week”. Shelly agrees, and asks if they saw Rachel glaring at her during the veto ceremony. Shelly says her plan is to just be “calm and cool…to make sure things stay good”. She does the typical kiss-up job on Daniele, and tells her she had a great speech.
We jump ahead a bit, and Rachel and Brendon are attempting to work their magic on Adam. Brendon’s plan is to point out how the girls have been winning everything so far, and wants to continue to boot the boys (and Shelly, who is questionably a girl). He promises to have Adam’s back, but as always Adam is non-committal. “You made my head hurt, and my stomach hurt.”
A bit out of chronological order, Rachel now attempts to work on Porsche. Rachel says she “is so ready to fight for my man. I am ready to do whatever it takes to ensure that Brendon stays in the house this week.” Porsche doesn’t make a lot of sense in her replies, and Rachel claims that they’re on her side. Porsche finally says that the last time she voted for Brendon to stay it didn’t help her out at all. This really doesn’t make a lot of sense, as Porsche is indeed still in the house. The talk ends with Porsche asking for a fake smile, which turns into a grimace after she walks out.
Now jump back two nights, as Shelly is sitting with Jeff and Jordan. Jeff makes a joke about going home, and Shelly asks if he’s voting her out. He says he’s not voting her out, but he’s actually conflicted about what to do. He reminds Shelly that they have to be “on the same page 100%”, and Shelly says they are. In the diary room, Shelly concedes that her method of gathering information from both sides may be creating some issues with her heroes. Instead, she goes on about how much she hates Rachel, but Jordan says they “need her right now”. Shelly rolls her eyes.
Danniele is now outside with Jeff and Jordan the following night, and drunkenly makes a deal with them. She concedes that three weeks ago they were her target, and it “probably was one of the worst moves I’ve made this season…you and you are not my target”. Daniele continues to plead to work together, but says in the diary room that she’s just going to agree with anything they say. The chat goes on to whine about those who have done nothing in the game so far, and they conclude that it doesn’t make sense to go after each other. Jeff now says he’s “leaning” towards evicting Brendon.
Now let’s go to the following day, but before the conversation Rachel had with Porsche. Rachel is now working on Jordan, and Jordan says it all is on Adam. If he doesn’t vote for Brendon, then they’ll have to vote with the house to not piss off the entire house. Yeah, this doesn’t go well. Rachel calls them “cowards” and “sheep” for worrying about the house. “Worst alliance ever!”
Jordan heads inside and informs Jeff of the conversation, and he heads outside to confront them. “Let’s see if they’ll bully me”. Jordan’s speech is basically repeated, and Rachel says “whatever”. This blows up, especially after Jeff complains they have no right to be pissed at him. “Rachel is like dealing with a little kid…and I can’t take it anymore”. He bitches at her about her attitude, and Rachel plays her innocent victim game. Yes, this leads to Rachel’s idiotic “all I do is fight” speech. Unfortunately, we don’t get the second part of this fight, where Jordan complains about Rachel not caring about her “babysitting” her the first time Brendon was evicted.
Julie’s chatter with the house is next, and it starts with Shelly’s phone call from her family. Yeah, it was touching. Jordan is then asked about whether the “humilitard” was worth giving Shelly the phone call, and her obvious response is “yes”. She just wouldn’t feel right not giving it to Shelly, and she does have Jeff. Brendon is then asked why he believes he beat out the other evictees to return, and he babbles ABSOLUTE NONSENSE about how America wants to see somebody who will compete. No, dumbass, it was the Jeff and Jordan crowd who felt it would help THEIR game! Rachel is asked how she’s holding up with Brendon being on the block, and she says she’s going to “hold up” to fight her way to win. Julie then concludes the talk by announcing tonight’s evictee is the first to go to jury.
Fluff piece time, and this week it is all about Shelly. After showing a conversation with Jordan about her family, we get to meet Shelly’s family once again. Yes, she was homecoming queen, and is a great mom. We get it! I must admit that her daughter Josie is adorable, though. The aftermath of the fight with Rachel is shown, and her daughter says she “needs to stop lying and kind of pick a side”. She wants her to stay with Jeff and Jordan. After a tiff with Jeff and Jordan, Shelly’s husband admits that the house is starting to get to her. Haha, I have to laugh at Josie saying, “shut up, Rachel”, after receiving her key in last week’s nomination ceremony. Funny thing is that Josie seems to know the game better than almost everybody else as she concludes that her mom has to get her relationships back in line.
After commercials, Julie is now having her HOH talk with Daniele. Julie starts off by commenting how it looked like both Brendon and Rachel were going to be out of the house, and Daniele says it was “horrible in every way possible” that they are both still around. Daniele says that she always has to go with her heart, but they all felt dumb when Brendon returned. She also claims to be a “logical player” when she put up Adam and Shelly last week, but she needed to guarantee that Brendon would be leaving this week. Julie asks about the Brendon/Rachel deal, and Daniele says that was her “plan B”, and that “technically, I did everything I promised them”. If Brendon remained in the house she would continue to work with them, but instead “the smallest girl evicted the tallest boy twice”.
Final plea time, and it begins with Shelly. Yes, we get the “dignity” speech that we’ve heard all week, and that she “wants to keep playing”. Brendon gives a shout out to UCLA, and brags about working on cancer research. He’s happy to spend another week with the woman of his dreams, and then goes on about how he will probably be the first juror. He says his vote will go to the strongest competitor; “not somebody who rides the coattails and somebody who floats to the end”. His last message is to Daniele, and that “you will always be Judas to me”.
Voting then begins Rachel, who obviously votes to evict Shelly to “go against the house”. Kalia votes to evict Brendon “for good”…and we head to commercials wondering what Jeff and Jordan will do. We return with Adam, who votes to evict Brendon, as does Jeff, Jordan, and Porsche. Brendon is evicted 5-1!
Julie gives the news to the house, and a repeat of his first eviction is shown as he hugs and kisses Rachel. He gives her a pep talk, and heads out. Julie starts the interview by asking if they would have kept their deal with Daniele if she had done the same. He says they both realized it was them against the house, so Julie asks what Rachel’s next move will be. “She’s going to win HOH, and she’s going to shake things up”. If she doesn’t win, she’s going to “ride the middle for as long as she can”.
We go right to the goodbye messages, and it starts with Daniele. She jokes that if he comes back again, “I might have to evict myself”. Kalia repeats her cockiness from the previous eviction, wondering “why America voted you back in this house. The good news is that you’re leaving – BYE…for good!” Jeff says that he wishes it was him that was staying instead of Rachel (interesting) but promises to “look after Rachel for you as much as I can stand her. I hope you leave the instruction manual this time on what do with her because I have no idea”. Obviously, we end with Rachel, who says that she has found her “inner strength” and can do it without him. “I’m going to kick butt and take names. Don’t hate because I’m going to make it farther than you did last season” It pains me to say this, but that was her best speech ever!
We conclude the show by starting the endurance HOH competition. The game is called “All Washed Up”, and one must fill up a cup with soap and haul it across a slippery stage to the other side to dump it into a gumball machine. The first to see their ping pong ball pop out wins. After a couple of minutes, soapy suds are dumped on everybody (or primarily those playing in the middle), which should aid Rachel’s game. Ooooh, Julie announced that next week is double eviction week right before the "rinse cycle" started falling on the players!!!
There we go! No more Brendon! Are you happy with this turn of events? How about the chronological jumps in the opening segments? Isn’t Shelly’s child adorable? Let us know what you think!