Tonight’s episode is easy to predict, especially given CBS’ refusal to never tamper with the template they’ve used since the show’s first season. Here’s the predicted lineup – Endurance competition begins, Rachel whines about losing Brennnnon again, more endurance, Rachel’s determination to win, more endurance, scripted “hilarity” from Jordan, Jeff wins, Jeff’s HOH reveal, Shelly snaps at Rachel, dejection and pleading from the “other side”, predictable nominations. Oh yeah, and probably a filler segment to ensure camera hog Adam makes the show. Let’s see how close I am.
Of course, the show starts with the beginning of the endurance competition. Just in case you forgot how it worked, we get to hear Julie repeat the instructions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the course is slippery…and is is a “must win” for everybody. Shelly keeps repeating “Josie” to inspire her.
And there it is – Rachel complains about how she’s all alone now that Brennnnnon is evicted. We get to see a replay of that great moment, and Shelly is happy that she’s “here to stay”. Jeff says Rachel has to “dry her tears” and move on. Rachel adds that Brendon’s week back “lit her fire” and she’s here to stay. Daniele is still cocky because Brendon has been evicted three times in one year. Um, don’t get so cocky. After Brendon walks out, Rachel makes a comment about how he got “the same amount of cheers as last time”.
Back to the game – Kalia asks Daniele how if she’s catching up, and that leads to more commentary about how important this HOH is for them. Cue the Jordan-ism of the night about how it is they’re playing on Crisco. Cue the footage of everybody slipping and falling. Rachel says she “loves a foam party as much as the next girl, but I don’t know if I can handle this much foam”. Well, you don’t have as much as the other since you’re in the outside lane. Jordan is still in her humilitard, and after falling we have scripted bullshit from Jeff about how cute she is. Cat ladies unite!
Kalia is starting to slow down, and Daniele is getting frustrated. Kalia says she’s a “really terrible cheerleader”, and is “actually really irritating me”. Well, you’ve irritated us all season!
Jeff is now way ahead, but it is time for more cutesy bullshit from Jordan as the bubbles are getting in her eyes. Adam gets his cameo, too, as he fall on his ass. “That hurt. That hurt a lot.” Kalia is way behind, but notices that Porsche is pretty close to being in the lead. We’re also led to believe that Rachel is close to the lead as the babbles how she’s out to prove to the house that she can win without Brennnnon. Yeah, sure. As we head to commercials, we get more garbage from Jeff and Porsche on how they HAVE to win.
When we return, it is still Jeff in the lead, and Daniele is cheering for Porsche. Yes, Jeff, we get it. You’re determined to win. Rachel has started to realize that she’s going to lose, so she starts kissing up to Jeff. “You got it, Jeff.” Porsche also notices, but CBS chooses to have her read some scripted garbage about stopping a washing machine.
Finally, Jeff wins HOH. Yes, Jeff and Jordan are happy and can both relax. Porsche, though, is bummed because she’s been second place so many times. Rachel loves the fact that Daniele, Porsche, and Kalia are acting so dejected. “At least when you win, I pretend like I’m happy. Kind of sucks when things don’t work out your way for once, huh?”
Back in the house, Daniele congratulates Jeff, who admits in the diary room that he’s going to do what is best for him, and that may include getting rid of Daniele. We jump ahead to Daniele hanging out in the kitchen with Kalia and Porsche, who complains again about always being in second place.
Jeff is now in the shower, and Rachel whines to Jordan about missing Brennnnnnon. Of course, as Jordan is reassuring her about him, Rachel has to throw in a dig about how it is Brendon who is “deciding who wins”. Um, no. He’s one of seven. She adds in the diary room that she still isn’t sure if Jeff and Jordan are on her side.
We move on to Shelly, who has decided she “sucks at competitions”. Well, duh. Instead, she says “I’m going to have to be a really good person”. This really good person then goes off on how much she hates Rachel. “Bitch. I can’t stand her.” She doesn’t understand why Jeff and Jordan are working with her. “I dislike everything that comes out of her mouth.”
I guess her move is to make Rachel feel uncomfortable, and her odd way of doing that is to walk into the bathroom and babble about how awesome Jeff is in front of Rachel. WTF? “Jeff, you’re so funny. You’re such a great guy. Can I make you a drink?” Rachel responds by whining in the diary room how she “doesn’t deserve to be here over Breennnnon”.
Kalia is handling her loss by taking naps, and Daniele attempts to give her a pep talk. She knows she’s not safe, but hopes Jeff puts up Porsche and Rachel. If that doesn’t happen, she wants Daniele to win the veto and take her down. Daniele, though, still has hope that Jeff and Jordan follow through on the deal she made with them.
Filler time, as Jeff reveals his HOH room. Yes, Jordan, we know Jeff “deserves it”. Cat ladies, enjoy! The rest of us, zzzzzzzzz! BTW, Shelly, you’re beyond creepy! Why oh why is this segment lasting even longer than usual???
Everybody finally leaves, and it is just Jeff and Rachel, who immediately jumps on Jeff! Wait, no, that never happened. She does kiss his ass, though, while Shelly is downstairs making fun of her. Shelly has had enough, and heads upstairs to confront her. Sadly, they edited out when Shelly tripped over her own feet. Shelly unloads on the eye rolls and the “looks of death”, but Rachel doesn’t respond. “She’s going to tell me that I need to have to leave the alliance? I don’t think so, lady! She’s done nothing in this game! I just had to bite my tongue, and I wanted to seriously tell her a few things or two.”
Finally, Rachel responds, saying “I’ve haven’t been talking about you to anyone…recently”. Shelly says it shouldn’t happen at all, and both Jeff and Jordan say that’s a great idea. “We have to stick together”, says Jeff. “Bite your tongue, and we’ll move forward.” Jeff says in the diary room that he’s impressed that she didn’t respond. “Maybe something I’m telling her is sticking in that noodle. Whew, hallelujah!”
Time for more filler, as it is a segment on how Shelly never eats except for stuff that “eight year olds” eat. She’s never heard of “half of the stuff Daniele eats”, along with everyday stuff that everybody regularly buys. Fast forward time.
With the absence of a have-not competition, we get this next segment over pretty quickly. Everybody walks into the house from outside to find a table full of hard boiled eggs and jalapenos. Jeff opens an envelope, and has to choose the week’s have-nots. He chooses Kalia, Porsche, and Daniele. Cue lots of whining…especially from (obviously) Kalia.
The three have-nots convene in the bedroom, and Daniele complains about how she has to spend her birthday on slop. Daniele’s body supposedly doesn’t handle slop very well, so “this week blows”. Porsche adds, “this is bullshit”. Get over it, you twits.
Kalia is now sitting outside with Jeff and Rachel, and she asks Rachel to leave. This is another nowhere conversation, as Kalia hints that Rachel would immediately backstab him if given the chance. This supposedly backfires on Jeff, as he says whenever somebody throws another under the bus it’s just another reason for him to suspect them. Kalia also claims that Jeff was never on her radar, and Jeff responds that she knows his thoughts on that subject. Cue the footage from when Kalia was HOH and told Jeff he was going to be her pawn. “You struck first…and you have to expect repercussions for your actions.”
Wow, could there be any more filler. It is time for everybody to act excited by the replacement of the table by a smaller one. Yeah, Shelly, we get that you’re the only one who cleans in the house. Enough on this subject.
Now it is Daniele’s turn to talk to Jeff, and he tells her that “we’re good”. He asks her what she will do if she wins veto, and she asks what he wants her to do. Obviously, it is to not use it. She says that she probably won’t win in that case because Kalia would expect her to use it. Worried about what Jeff would do, she asks what would happen if either Kalia or Porsche would win. Jeff denies that he’d replace them with her, but admits that he just doesn’t want her “stirring up stuff”.
Finally, Porsche has her moment with Jeff, and she says that her goal is to “win at least one before I’m out of here”. Jeff makes a crack about how at day 49 the two of them have finally talked game, and the conversation ends quickly as Porsche has little of substance to add. Even with a numbskull like Jeff, Porsche is the dumber one of the conversation!
In case you didn’t pay attention to these earlier conversations, we get to see Jeff restate the Daniele conversation with Jordan. Neither believes that Daniele will actually throw the veto competition, and that they can’t trust her. “What if you do get Daniele this week”, asks Jordan.
The top of the hour is calling us, so it is nomination time. Jeff ably reads the cue cards, and everybody else does the same regarding whether they believe they’ll be nominated. The first key pulled is Rachel’s, followed by Shelly, Adam, Jordan, and Daniele. Kalia and Porsche are, as expected, nominated. Jeff’s reasoning is that he wants Porsche to “prove” that she’s in the house to play, and that Kalia is up because of her earlier nomination of him.
Cue Porsche claiming that she will be bringing her “A game”, and that she wants to stay to get rid of Jeff next week. Yeah, right. Daniele admits that “things are not looking too hot right now”, and Kalia says she’s going to “stay cool”, “calm”, and “under the radar”, and somehow that is going to prove she deserves to stay in the house. Jeff jokes that the first thing the two nominees will do is “take a nap” and that he’s “making a statement that it’s time to play” but is hoping for the opportunity to backdoor Daniele.
And that’s a wrap! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Were you as bored as me? Did you get enough of Jeff and Jordan? Let us know your thoughts!