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« No Shocker Here | Main | Veto Results AND Episode #9 of The Big Brother Gossip Show »
Sunday
Aug282011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 23 Recap

To say that I’m not excited about tonight’s episode would be quite the understatement. Events in and out of the house have soured me on this season, and what should be an interesting episode is dirtied by the knowledge of what happened after tonight’s events were taped. It’s a shame on many levels, especially after the excitement and fun of Thursday’s double eviction episode.

I have a job to do, however, so here I sit in front of my television on a cloudy Sunday evening. We’re going to be shown a HOH competition, a few flashbacks, and tears. A lot of tears. A lot of whining. We’ll even see a screamfest or two.

Unlike most shows, we actually start a day before the live eviction show with Rachel heading up to the HOH. She asks Jeff if it is true that he threw the “cornhole” competition. Jeff denies saying it OR doing it. Rachel reiterates that since it has to do with her fiancé, obviously she is going to be upset. Jeff gets upset, even though it is true. He adds that he is “heartbroken” because apparently he talks “night in and night out with his heart” to Shelly, but she must not actually be on his side.

We jump to two hours before the eviction episode, and Shelly and Daniele are all smiles as the cast heads out of the HOH lockdown. Jeff says that he’s had “just about all I can take of Shelly and her buddy buddy with Daniele. Enough is enough. If you’re not working on that side, why are you talking so much to her? I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Shelly approaches Jeff and asks “what is up your ass today, meanie deanie”. Jeff replies, “too much fucking back and forth. I don’t like it anymore. Everybody’s best friends.” He walks away, and Shelly knows that somebody has “spilled the beans”.

We’re now ninety minutes from the episode, and Shelly asks Adam how he’s voting. Adam says he’s still voting out Daniele, and Shelly asks if he’s been telling Jeff about their conversations. She presses him, and he says that Jeff is just getting paranoid. Adam adds in the diary room that he wants the final four to be him, Shelly, Jeff, and Jordan.

Adam starts playing around with Jeff, and he pulls him into the purple room to confer about what Shelly is up to. He rats out Shelly, and somehow Shelly overhears and interrupts them. She starts yelling at Jeff and says she’s “done nothing but be a horse, go in, and do everything. Now all of sudden you’re think I’m doing a swithcerooni”.

For the first time ever, Adam stands up to himself and asks Shelly if she wasn’t rustling votes for Daniele. “You’ve been in on the plan the whole time”, Shelly responds. “Did I say yes to it”, he asks. “Yes, you did!” Um, no. Adam walks out and Shelly continues to claim she’s been doing his work behind his back.

The argument moves into the hallway as Jeff points out that she hung herself by admitting to something that Jeff and Adam weren’t even talking about. “You just told on yourself.” Shelly’s response is that EVERYBODY but Jeff and Jordan has been in on the plan. This goes on and on, and in the diary room Shelly admits that she’s basically telling Jeff what she hopes he wants to hear to get back on his good graces. Good luck to that.

It’s now one hour before the episode, and Jeff asks Kalia to leave the room so he can talk to Adam, Jordan, and Rachel. Adam continues to narc off the rest of the house, and Jordan asks how he is voting. “I’m voting Daniele out.” Once again, Shelly overhears and walks in asking to sort out their situation. Jeff says they were on a team, and Shelly again deflects the blame to Adam. Round two is similar to round one until Adam starts laughing. Shelly asks why he’s laughing, and he says it’s due to her “spinning”. This is by far Adam’s best episode as he repeats over and over “why do you want to keep Dani so bad?”

Shelly finally drops the obvious fact…I mean bombshell…that nobody can possibly win at the end next to Jeff and Jordan. Jeff’s mouth drops to the floor, and Jordan says she is “in shock. I’m super disappointed. I think she used our big hearts to get her farther in the game.” Shelly goes on, claiming that Adam has been in these talks with Dani just as much as everybody else has. “Everybody has to explore their options in this game.”

Jeff retaliates by asking why she told Rachel about the thrown competition. Shelly responds that Dani told her that, but Jeff says she should have asked him if that was true. Meanwhile, Porsche and Rachel are seen in other parts of the house listening in. They both agree that they don’t want to deal with the fight.

Meanwhile, Jeff starts in on how Shelly rides the fence way too much. We’ve been saying that all season, Big Jeff! “Jeff, I can explore whatever I want.” It finally ends with Shelly walking out of the room, and Jeff walking past her saying it hurts. “It hurts me, too”, she responds.

After commercials, we recap the events of the live episode starting with the announcement that it is a double eviction week. Shelly mumbles something about how it is the worst week for it, and she’s as “scared as a cat on a hot tin roof”. Hmmm, I could have some fun cat lady comments to accompany that remark but I’ll refrain. The footage of Daniele being evicted is shown, and Kalia compares it to the “most bittersweet drink” because she is safe but is losing her best friend. Jeff doesn’t feel bad, obviously, and Shelly knows that her vote for Daniele means she has completely burned her bridge with Jeff.

They listen to the cheers for Daniele, but Jeff is still seething. Jordan says she HAS to win this HOH to protect Jeff and Rachel. She tells Rachel she’s ready to go! We then see Jordan losing to Rachel, who says she HAS to make it a good one. Obviously, Shelly also feels good about this win, but Jordan is bummed because she knows Jeff is “super disappointed”.

Adam is also bummed as it was an HOH “I should have won”. Um, you were out first, big boy. “Not just for me, but for my team.” Again, when did you go out? Yes, you were the only one who missed the first question. Shelly is conferring with Kalia and Porsche on what to do, and her idea is to put up Jeff and Jordan. Kalia says it is better to put up Jeff and Rachel, especially as she does have a promise to never put up Jordan.

Kalia announces her nominations, and Rachel says it is because she is scared of both of them. Rachel promises to win the veto, but instead it is my girl El Camino! Porsche thanks her dad for taking her to the ball pit as a kid, because the scripted lines say it “paid off”. Rachel is “100% convinced” that she is going home as she is “public enemy number one”. As they walk in, Jeff reminds Porsche that he saved her the previous week. Porsche shrugs it off as meaning nothing, and Jordan starts crying. “It’s only fair that Porsche would use the veto to save Jeff this time.” Instead, Porsche heads into the storage room to do a little dance.

Obviously, Porsche doesn’t use the veto, and Jeff obviously complains about the move. “Do you have any idea who you are right now?” Yes, Jeff, she’s the person booting you out of the game. Jeff tells Adam that he needs Shelly’s vote. Jeff pulls Shelly aside and asks if she’s going to vote him out. Shelly wants to rehash their earlier fight, and he commands Adam to vote for him. She complains about how he has treated her, and that she should give him another chance.

Julie announces that the votes are a tie, and Jeff immediately looks at Adam and asks “you didn’t vote for me”. Adam says he did vote for him before Kalia gets up to make the decisive vote. Rachel is shocked, and thinks her and Jordan are screwed. As Jeff gives out his hugs, he complains about people’s characters, and Shelly reiterates how the only way she can win money is to evict Jeff. “That was the hardest decision I’ve had to make in the game.” Jordan says on a scale of one to ten on anger, she’s at a twenty.

Jeff heads out, and Jordan hustles away in tears. She asks Rachel who voted against Jeff, and complains how they “have nobody”. Shelly is also crying, and both Porsche and Kalia tell her she did the right thing. Somehow, though, Kalia is able to be cocky about being the person who eliminated Jeff. Adam is still destroyed that Jeff didn’t believe his best friend in the world voted for him, so he makes sure that Jordan knows it wasn’t his vote.

Adam goes off into the purple room to feel sorry for himself, and Jordan and Rachel join him. “Oh my god, how did that happen”, cries Jordan, who also complains on how she gave up her phone call from home to Shelly. “I was so stupid for trusting Shelly.”

Shelly is also still in tears, and Kalia tells her there “is no crying in Big Brother”. Shelly gets on her soapbox once again, and says she has to “fight for my family”. Jordan is still complaining about how stupid she was to befriend Shelly, and this time Shelly hears it and says if that is what she really thinks then she doesn’t know her. “When you calm down, then we can talk.” Shelly says she’s not playing Jeff’s game, and feels like shit, too. Jordan jumps up and starts screaming at Shelly, and for the first time ever Rachel plays the peacemaker by pulling her into another bedroom.

It’s finally time for the HOH competition, and it is a variation of the snake game they’d been practicing all week. Jordan feels that it is an accurate representation of the Big Brother house, as Jordan and her are “surrounded by them”. The players have to roll a ball down the snake to it’s “eye socket”. If they don’t make it, their score is what hole the ball falls into underneath the platform.

Jordan starts off and gets a 18. Porsche is the second player, but her ball lands on the 11. Rachel’s score is a 13, while Shelly makes it to 16. Adam’s ball immediately falls at four. This round set up the rankings for the actual competition, though.

Adam now goes up against Porsche. He gets a ten, and Porsche has an easy path to win her round. She gets a 14 to move to the next round. Yes, once again Adam is the first one out.

Now Porsche goes up against Rachel, and Porsche hits a 20. Rachel now has to make it into the snake’s eye, but almost immediately drops at seven. “I just wanna go home”, she says on the sidelines. Porsche now goes against Shelly. Jordan hopes that Porsche loses so that she can go against Jordan. Instead, Porsche makes it into the snake eye, and Shelly’s ball drops at fifteen. It’s now Porsche versus Jordan. After hearing form Rachel how Jordan is playing “for our lives”, Porsche…oops, commercial time.

Ok, we’ve returned from the break to see Porsche’s ball slowly make it’s way right into the snake eye once again! Jordan has one last chance, but her ball drops at sixteen. Porsche is HOH! Go El Camino! “Now I get to make the decisions in the house!” Well, as we shall see later, not so much.

Porsche and Kalia start doing the worst dances known to mankind as Rachel and Jordan continue their tearfest. “Goodbye, Big Brother house”, Rachel complains as she heads into the bedroom. Shelly nabs Adam, and, of course, all is forgiven as it is officially time for Adam to jump sides once again. “I need to go where there is the most protection”, he explains.

Jordan and Rachel continue to cry, and Rachel doesn’t understand why she is suddenly so terrible at this game. Jordan wants to just give up, as “day 55 will go down in history with me as the worst day ever. I lose every competition, and Jeff leaves this house. I’ve cried so much that I can’t even cry no more.”

Now it is time for Big Brother to do it’s job to ensure that their ratings makers last a bit logner. Porsche heads into the HOH to find a pandora’s box. “Awesome”, she squeals. Porsche reads the card that states the usual crap about how the box could mean something good or bad. “Hopefully, good for me”, she says. The screen shows two boxes with $5,000 written on them, and a bottle of champagne with two glasses. “I like champagne”, she reasons. She opens up the card, and it says to claim the prize she must decide whether to open the box.

She thinks about it a few seconds, and wonders if there could be something bad. She decides to go for it, and has to open another card. She has to split the ten grand, and has to grab another envelope to read to the rest of the house. She’s now pretty nervous as she pulls everybody into the living room. The card states that she has “unleashed the duos twist back on the house for one week”, and “all the original duo rules apply”. Duos are nominated as a pair, and if the veto is used they will be removed from the block as a pair. Suddenly, Rachel’s tears are gone, and Shelly is pissed!

The card concludes with the statement that everybody must pick their partners, and this is where everything dies for Porsche. Rachel and Jordan obviously team up, as does Porsche and Kalia. That leaves Shelly and Adam. This basically takes away Porsche’s HOH week, as the smart move for her would have been to have Jordan and Rachel paired with her and Kalia. Instead…well, let’s just say nice job, CBS!

Porsche knows she’s screwed, and Rachel knows this is the greatest thing in the world! Kalia says she’s pissed that Porsche went for the Pandora’s Box. Jordan says it “feels so good to know that there is a chance for me and Rachel to pair up together, fight together, and get who we want out”. Yes, meaning Shelly.

The episode ends with the announcer saying that there will be an “epic” battle for veto shown on Wednesday. Um, no. Anybody who has viewed the live feeds knows this is not the case, as you will see in three days. Until then, let us know what you think of this episode? Is Shelly really a snake? Is the Pandora’s Box a convenient way for the producers to keep in the vets? How about Adam’s almost perfect record as the first out of every competition?

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