Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no recap for Sunday’s show. I had a good reason, though, as it was my nephew’s ninth birthday. Sure, I could have gone back and written something later, but our live recap of the “endurance” competition completely covered it, and that was over half the show. The other half was Brenchel bullshit, along with a touching Lawon cameo and an annoying “elf”, concluding with the nominations of Brendon and Rachel. Oh yeah, and the President made a cameo (for east coast viewers, at least).
Truth be told, I’m even less excited about tonight’s broadcast. America’s least favorite couple is bound to be the focus of 75% of it, especially with the attention-whoring stunts they pulled the past few days, and I’m beyond sick of them. Maybe we can get Obama to once again interrupt this travesty of a show.
So let’s start right off with the reaction to the nominations. You can pretty much write this segment yourself. Brendon promises to win the veto, and that Rachel will be coming after Daniele. Jeff isn’t shocked, and thinks Brenchel are a better target. He’s still worried about being backdoored. For some reason, Daniele thinks that she’s Robin Hood, “stealing from the rich to give to the poor”. Say what? She adds that the rest of the house is “too scared to make a big move. I think big moves take you really far in this game.” Of course, Rachel is in “tears” as she promises to come after Daniele as payback. “I’m back with Excalibur.” Um, ok. Nice job, diary room, in teaching her a new word.
The so-called “power couple” heads into the have-not room to whine about what happened, and Jeff and Jordan join them. Jordan says that this is not what she expected, and Rachel claims that Daniele wants to pull off a guy that “she can’t compete against”. Rachel says that if one of them wins veto, then Jeff will go up. “I’m not, I’m not an idiot.”
Shelly then walks in and asks what is up, and Brendon goes off on Daniele, saying she has “declared war on the house”. No, she’s doing you a favor. Brendon then jumps into cheese mode, saying that if he’s evicted they’ll still be married for the rest of their life. Ugh.
The others leave the room, and the romantic music kicks in as they embrace. It is pity party time, and Brendon says that if he wins the veto he’ll pull himself off. Oh God, this goes on as Brendon cries in the diary room. ENOUGH!!!
Wait, I started to fast forward as Brendon was babbling some big word, but I stopped as he said “I only know that because I’m a PHD student.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING??? Holy shit, these two are fucking disasters. The romantic music continues, and the vomit continues to rise up into my mouth.
Meanwhile, Jeff and Jordan are alone in another room, and Jordan is still shocked that one of them didn’t go up. Once again, we hear about how one of them will have to go up if they win veto. Jordan volunteers to be that person. Brendon and Rachel then walk in, and this week’s circular discussion carries on.
For some reason, Daniele heads downstairs to console Rachel, and says that she hopes Rachel doesn’t take it personally. In the diary room, Daniele adds that she was trying to cover her back for the future, but Rachel will have none of it as she whines about not making friends in the house. Yeah, this goes about as expected as Rachel complains about Daniele “tearing my heart out”. In the diary room, Rachel calls her a “mean girl”, and I can’t really understand anything else she has to say.
Thankfully, it was time for commercials, and when we return it’s time to pick veto players. Jeff says he wants to be picked for the competition to ensure that nominations stay the same. Sure enough, his name is the first name pulled…which pleases Daniele. “He knows if he doesn’t compete to his fullest, him or Jordan have a big possibility of ending up on the block.”
Rachel pulls out Adam’s name, and Brendon couldn’t be happier as he’s “one less person I have to worry about”. Brendon pulls out Porsche’s name, which causes another diary room screamfest from Rachel. This time, though, she’s screaming in excitement. Danielle chooses Lawon to be the host.
Before we get to the game, though, it’s time for more babbling about the situation from Jordan and Jeff. They decide to talk to her to remind her of their deal, but they both agree that next week they’ll go against it to nominate her. Jeff says the best plan would be to backdoor her. “Whoops!”
Ok, now it’s time to play the game as Lawon comes out wearing a Flavor Flav clock. They head outside to see an obstacle course of almost all the games they previously played. To play the game, everybody has to predict the time it will take them to complete each task. The person who predicted the quickest time performs the task, and If they go over, they’re out. If they make it through in time, then the person who chose the longest time is eliminated.
After hearing from everybody how they have to win, we finally get going. The gumball portion is first, Rachel chose the quickest time, so we have to listen to Brendon go on and on as he cheers heron. Kalia makes her weekly cameo as she says that’s probably how they’re like “in the sack”. Rachel makes it under the time she predicted, so the highest time (Adam) is out.
The second round is the “superhero puzzle”, and Rachel predicts an impossibly low time. Brendon is not happy with her. Needless to say, she doesn’t make it in the time she chose. The third round is the “hairy leg” spelling game, and Jeff knows this isn’t his expertise. After saying that she wanted to be slightly longer than Brendon, Daniele ends up being the lowest prediction. She doesn’t make it in time, and she’s out. Yep, Rachel is happy with this outcome.
Next up is the “cow milking” game, and this time Jeff does want to win. We get a flashback of Porsche and Keith’s embarrassment in the original game, and she picks a crazily high time. Jeff has the lowest time, and he “has” to win to protect him and Jordan. As time ticks away, we head to commercials.
When we return, the final seconds tick off…and Jeff’s milk bottle overflows just a second or so after his time is up. Daniele is bummed. It’s now Porsche and Brendon in the final golf round, and Brendon’s prediction is just two seconds shorter than Porsche. I think you know how this turns out. Yep, Brendon gets a ball in the hole with two seconds left. Yeah, this again gets sickening as Rachel straddles Brendon.
The celebration continues inside, and Brendon’s bright idea is to make everybody think that he’s going to use it on himself but instead use it on Rachel. Somehow, he thinks that will mess Daniele up. And again, we get the bullshit “knight in shining armor” crap.
Jeff is still beating himself over losing the veto, and they’re now worried that Brendon and Rachel will cut a deal with everybody to make sure both of them stay. Jeff thinks that Jordan has a lesser chance of going home if she’s nominated.
Kalia is now seen eating some of Daniele’s food (big surprise), and they’re surprised when Shelly knocks on their door. Immediately asking who Daniele wants to get booted, Daniele replies that it is in Brendon and Rachel’s hands. After she leaves, Daniele and Kalia talk about how “sketchy” she is. Suddenly, we’re led to believe that Shelly is a potential candidate for a nominee. Yeah, right. She decides to talk to Jeff and Jordan.
After another commercial break, Jeff and Jordan come up to visit Daniele. She informs them that she will do “whatever I can to keep you both here. I’m nervous because I hear that Brendon is taking himself off the block.” Jeff says that he’s heard that he’s pulling Rachel off, and Daniele asks them to find out exactly what they’re doing. Jordan volunteers to be the pawn, if she really is the pawn, but Daniele is worried that if Brendon doesn’t take down Rachel she could somehow pull off a victory.
They dutifully report to Brendon their conversation, and Brendon still claims that he’s taking himself down. Jordan says that Jeff and Brendon have the best chance at destroying the game. Brendon says that if she still wants to play with them, she should put up Lawon. Yeah, like that’s going to happen.
It’s now Brendon and Rachel’s turn to visit Daniele, and as she would say – “awwwwkward”. Brendon says that he’s going to use it on himself, and wants to know if Daniele is willing to work with them. Daniele’s response is that since she doesn’t vote, she doesn’t have any power. Brendon wants her to put up a floater, but Daniele doesn’t think that will save them. Daniele couldn’t look more disinterested as Brendon babbles on, but the background music is designed to make it sound like she’s actually considering Brendon’s bullshit.
Finally, we get to the moment of truth, and Brendon is still proud of himself as he talks about how he’s going to surprise everybody by using the veto to save Rachel. “This is going to be awesome!” No, it won’t. Daniele plays along, though, saying that it makes the choice of replacement nominee that much harder. Jeff is also worried because Rachel “will do anything to stay in this house”.
The veto meeting is called, and Brendon asks Rachel why he should save her. Why we have to endure this is beyond me, as of course he announces that he’s going to use it to save Rachel. Daniele then gets up and talks about how if she wasn’t HOH she would be the one on the block…and leaving on Thursday. She adds that she doesn’t want to make any new enemies, and nominates Jordan as the replacement nominee.
As we head to the final credits, Brendon continues to be proud of himself. He thinks that he “got” her, but Daniele says she couldn’t be happier. “My number one target is remaining on the block, and if I can single-handedly get the biggest threat out of the house, kudos to me”. Jordan says she has no clue…yeah, we know…and she hopes that she really is the pawn. The final word is on how Rachel feels like a “fairy tale princess because my knight in shining armor saved me from the wicked witch in the HOH room”. Oh please.
So that’s it. Tomorrow Brendon is (probably) going home, and we’re also promised a special visit from Evel Dick. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Are you ready for that conceited ass to head out the door? Who will be the next HOH?