So this past Thursday we were reacquainted with four so-called “legends” and twelve newbies, one of which left before we even had a chance to say hello. Did we really learn anything about any of these people, though? Sixteen people spread over 42 minutes of actual broadcast time really doesn’t give us much to work with except for the fact that Willie Hantz is related to some Survivor goon. Apparently, that’s like a Beatle entering the house, but since I don’t watch that show it was a waste of precious screen time for the rest of the cast.
Tonight, we’ll hopefully get to learn a bit more about this “ragged company”. (Ten points to anybody who catches that lyrical gem.) Is there a personality to be found in this house? Are Joe’s eyes as frightening as they appear? Most importantly to some of my friends, is Ian every bit the superfan’s hopes we’ve been made to believe? (I vote no.)
And…here we go! Oh Lord, they go over the top in their descriptions of the noobs AND “legends”. Of course, we have to recap the Hantz bullshit. ENOUGH!!! Two minutes in, and I’m already annoyed!
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Now we have to spend MORE time recapping Jodi’s eviction! Dan claims he kicked out Jodi because his other two team members, Daniele and Kara, get along. Interesting, and kind of makes sense.
With Jodi gone, everybody disperses, and Boogie tries to make a joke. Tries is the key word. Yes, Wil, we know the “game has begun”. Daniele and Kara hug, and Kara says they immediately hit if off. Daniele adds something in the diary room, but I can’t figure out a word she says.
Boogie doesn’t waste any time, and he goes to Dan and asks him if he’s “ready to Will it up”. I have a feeling it’s going to be like Will is indeed in the house this season, as Boogie’s entire Big Brother life exists because of Dr. Will. BTW, CBS, quit attempting to create trending topics. It’s boring and inept.
Meanwhile, Janelle tells Britney that the boys are working together, and because they’ve both been played they should work the “Girl Power” angle to get rid of Dan. “They thrive on chaos.”
HOH room reveal – I’ll skip ahead. Nothing to see here that’s any way interesting.
Ok, now Ian is in his boxers reveling in being in the house. He claims he’s going to investigate every inch of the house. Upstairs, the coaches and Willie watch him as he goofs around the house. Britney wonders if he remembers he’s on live streams, and they completely lose it when Ian crawls under a couch. “So weird!”
Now it’s Britney’s turn to make some deals. She has a bunch of people in the HOH, and she tells Willie that in the first week everybody will vote what the HOH wants. Oh really? If her team and Janelle’s team vote as a block, they’ll get out the person they want. Janelle claims that Dan’s fave player of all time is Boogie, so “of course, those two will work together”. Willie adds that he’s going to be a big target because they believe he’s Russell’s brother…which he then admits to those in the room that is true.
Finally, the deal is supposedly made. My Lord, that took forever.
Oh wait, there’s more, as Janelle brings in the rest of her team to repeat the same plan. Cue Billy Preson’s “Will It Go Round in Circles”! Oh God, Joe is clearly the guy who will speak in the diary room in a way he NEVER speaks in the house. Make it stop!
After the first commercial break, everybody is hanging out outside, and Willie decides to try to get more people into his alliance. He brings Frank up into the HOH, who informs Willie that he has had no strategy conversations with his coach, Boogie. Willie thinks the two of them are similar, and he wants a deal that he won’t put him up next week, no matter what Boogie advises. “I’m here to play my game. I’m not here to play Boogie’s game.” Willie claims to be sold.
Ian is now seen walking into a room of people listening to Janelle babble about her baby. He’s clearly not comfortable, and Janelle calls him a “creeper…he has this weird thing where he can’t stop moving”. We see a montage of most of the girls (and Wil) making similar comments. Oh Lord, he even streaks.
Now Boogie and Frank are talking early one morning, and Boogie asks if he’s worried about being nominated. Frank claims on a scale of 1-10 he’s only at a one. Boogie says he’s impressed because Frank has reached out to Willie. Actually, it pains me to say this but Boogie actually makes sense.
The house is then brought into the living room for a Julie Chen announcement that there is a coach’s competition to save one of their player’s from nomination for the week. Britney knows she’s in trouble as she has the “strength of a three year-old”. This competition also will determine the week’s have-nots.
This competition is described by Ashleigh as “like Preakness…” and I can’t understand another word she says. The coaches come out with outfits that include stuffed horses, and each round has two coaches competing. They have to chase each other on a slippery surface and yank the tail from the other. Boogie and Britney are up first, and (FINALLY) Boogie catches up to Britney for the win.
Dan has all kinds of trouble in his round, although he claims to be throwing it, and Janelle easily beats him. Boogie versus Janelle for the final round! Oh yeah, this is revenge for season seven! Um, no. Le’ts not be silly. Janelle is indeed a beast in this comp, but eventually Boogie catches up and wins because, of course, he “wanted it more” (one of my least fave clichés ever).
Mike then gets to pick a person to be safe for the week, and after babbling for quite some time he chooses Ian. Boogie’s reasoning is because his weirdness has made people uncomfortable, while Jenn has stepped up her social game and Frank is “the most popular guy in the house”.
All of the coaches must now make a have-not pick, which doesn’t make them happy. Britney chooses Shane, Dan goes for Daniele, Janelle chooses Ashley, and Boogie’s pick is Ian. Now I must beg CBS to stop Joe from his asinine diary room scripts! The segment ends with the house being shown the slop and horrific have-not beds.
Janelle and Britney are now seen in the HOH, and Willie is asked if Dan has talked to them at all. Willie says that making Ian safe is screwing up his plans. They scheme about who Dan and Boogie don’t want to lose the most from their teams, and Kara and Frank’s names come up. Both girls think he’s the “biggest player” and “most dangerous” in the house, but unfortunately that goes against Willie’s deal with him.
Dan and Boogie are now shown discussing the female coaches, and Boogie thinks that Janelle is a bit “better” than Britney. After mentioning how “young and naïve” some of these people are, Dan asks who he would sacrifice from his team. “Jenn.” He adds that Frank should be a target but doesn’t think the others are smart enough to figure that out. Dan asks if the other girls are jealous of Kara, but Boogie thinks she’s nice enough and not bitchy enough to really cause any friction. Of course, Britney and Janelle are not up to the mental level of himself.
Filler time, as Joe is cooking a huge dinner for the house. Unfortunately, he’s also using up most of the food in the house. Boogie wonders if maybe he’s an expendable person, so he goes in to talk to Willie, who claims he has no idea who he is going to nominate. Boogie says all “chefs” are hotheads and crazy, which is an interesting theory. On second thought, Boogie is correct. Boogie advises him to pick somebody off and then blend back into the crowd. Cocky Boogie believes he planted the needed seed.
Finally, we get to the nominations and NOTHING has changed from the template of the last ten years. Willy reads the script, a handful of people say they’re nervous, and we get shots of keys. The house is called in, and keys are pulled by (in order) Jojo, Shane, Wil, Daniele, Ashley, Jenn, and Joe. Yes, Kara and Frank are nominated.
Boogie is shocked! Willie says this has been a tough decision, but he had never talked to Kara and somehow it “got weird” between him and Frank (which, of course, was never shown in this episode).
Frank is “completely flabbergasted” because Willie is the one that came to him, and so he’s going to do everything he can to stay. Kara thinks that having Dan as his coach is hurting his chances, while Britney calls this a “successful first week in coaching”. Boogie has now figured out that Janelle is definitely with Britney, and anybody that goes after Boogie has “a little trouble coming your way”. Oh please.
That’s it for tonight. What did you think of the first real look at the cast? Has anybody surprised you, for the better or worse? Let us know your thoughts!