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« Big Brother #14, Episode 5 Recap | Main | Big Brother Gossip Show #20: Little Willy »

Willie Hantz: Making Chima Look Good Since 2012

It's Sunday morning, I'm nursing a cup of coffee and a large glass of water to try to undo way too much wine last night, and I wanted to share my thoughts on Willie. I dunno why I keep wanting to call him Big Willie, like Will Smith. Big Willie Style. You know...Gettin' Jiggy Wit It? No? Nothing? Alright then...  
If you're thinking to yourself, "Who the hell is this person?", let me just say, hi. I'm Barefoot Drunk, and I'm new here. Before I get started, I wanted to say thanks to Mike, Scott, and Ash for including me this season. 
Unfortunately, I'm getting a bit of a late start on this season. Real life events have conspired to keep me from being able to watch the feeds much for the first week that they were on. But, I decided, I was going to make it a priority when things settled down beginning week two. Of course, in keeping with my luck, that's exactly the same time Big Willie decides to go ahead and get himself kicked out of the house, and the next thing I know, I'm watching feeds with people talking about what they eat in their every day life. Those are only slightly less stimulating than the other option of watching them nap. 
See, the thing is, I hadn't been able to keep up enough to really have a favorite or really hate anyone. But from what I understand, Willie was the only thing that kept the feeds entertaining. I was, like most of you, less than pleased when I heard that they were dipping into the same old pool of Hantzes and former houseguests that seems to be the home of the only people who show up for CBS casting calls anymore. And that's a nasty, filthy, disease ridden pool, kids. I wasn't sure I even wanted to watch this season. But, it turns out, Willie wasn't bad at Big Brother. Well, no, he was bad at Big Brother, but he wasn't bad at keeping the feeds interesting. Apparently, he couldn't handle the stress of a free vacation in California that lasts anywhere between a week and 3 months and might make you moderately famous. Really, really tough, it must be, to lie around in bed all day, in between smoke breaks and catching sun by the pool. Poor Willie. No wonder he snapped. 
Of course, as soon as we learned he was gone, the inevitable comparisons to Chima started popping up. Ok, I compared Willie to Chima. But I wasn't the only one. I felt that there was no difference between them. They both were having a great time as long as they were in power, but as soon as something didn't go their way, they became an uncontrollable spoiled brat who'd rather break the toy than share it with others. But since I've had some time to reflect and find out a little more about what actually happened, I've changed my mind. And I've decided what Willie did was actually worse than Chima.
Don't get me wrong. At the time, I hated Chima and I was ecstatic when she left. Today, watching these feeds, I kind of feel like, maybe a little microphone throwing isn't so bad. But that's beside the point. In Chima's case, as we all know, she apparently took the short bus to Crazytown after she learned that Jeff was given the Coup d'etat, and her HoH was completely invalidated by a nation of catladies voting for the cute guy.  I'm not defending her actions. The motto of Big Brother is Expect the Unexpected. Twists are going to go your way, and twists are going to leave you screwed. You have to be prepared to deal with it, or you shouldn't even apply. But if there was ever a time to throw a microphone into a hot tub, it's when you've worked a week to get someone out, and with an arbitrary twist and votes from people not playing the game, one of the strongest members of your alliance is gone instead. 
Big Willie, on the other hand, apparently went crazytown bananapants simply based on speculation alone. He didn't know for certain that the coaches were entering the game. NO ONE knows for sure. He heard a rumor. Speculation. His HoH was a success. He got one of his targets out. Yes, he was in trouble the next week when the guy he got into a sissy fight with won HoH. But he wasn't even nominated when he went around headbutting everyone. There was still plenty of time to save himself. He could have made a secret alliance with Frank. He could have won the POV. He could have made an alliance with the person who won POV. He could have campaigned. He could have made up lies to turn people against each other. There were lots of options, aside from headbutting and pork-rind flinging. I give him no quarter and no sympathy. I don't care if he tried to get in the DR to calm down and was denied access. How many times has that happened in BB history? All. The. Time. Being denied access to the DR is not a license to go around acting like a dick. Sorry. I get pissed off at work all the time and I really just want to go home and cry and throw things, but I can't. I have no choice but to hold it together. If you can't handle yourself without help, you don't belong there.
All that being said, I'm sure the feeds will be all the duller for having lost him. I wanted to see him sabotaging some shit. Psychological warfare, and all that jazz. Unfortunately, that's no longer an option. I guess we'll have to hope for the others to STEP UP. Please. Step. The fuck. Up. Please don't give us BB13 v. 2.0. If your friend wins HoH, go ahead and pour their alcohol down the drain. If you find yourself in bed with a fellow houseguest, go ahead and reach over and give them a handy. We are bored. We have spent money on watching you. Please don't make us go back to HBO. It's several months til Game of Thrones starts back up again.


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