For the second week in a row, we will be saying goodbye to a so-called Big Brother legend. A beautiful little thing with a wandering eye but the gift of snark, our departing player originally lost her "dignity on a slippery wiener", but also managed to survive being shackled to two of the most annoying people in Big Brother history, was outplayed by a gang of fratboys with a collective IQ of 75, and never met a crinkly bag of chips she didn't devour.
Although we will never forget our little Britney, honestly she was never much of a player. Yet she never claimed to be one, either, admitting earlier this year that she spent her entire first season in a bikini (hence my love for her). With competition wins not a part of her vocabulary, she used her gift for gab (and more and more gab) to attach herself to anybody that had temporary power. She will be missed.
Or is she really going? After wasting over two days on wine, sleep, and Cheetos, Britney actually attempted to work the room earlier today. Was it too little too late? Big Brother history says her chances are slim to none, but who knows what happened in those couple of hours before tonight's broadcast? I know I'd like to see it just to witness how it shakes up the dynamics of the house just minutes before what we believe is an endurance competition.
At the very least, her last-ditch attempts will create enough footage for CBS to create a little bit of doubt, so don't put too much stock into the opening segments. Before we get to the campaign footage, though, we have some explosive footage that occurred immediately after Jenn City (stupidly) used her veto to save Dan...who was replaced by our little blonde heroine.
After a hyperbole-fuelled recap...and another recap...and Dan's narrative recap...followed by Julie's second over-the-top recap...we finally get started. Dan is celebratory, Britney is sad, and Ian is angry. Britney's complaint is that "a giant carrot put me on the block next to my best friend in the house". Shane hugs her, whispering that he "had no idea what just happened". Ian is more worried that Frank now knows about his double-crossing, while Britney asks Danielle if she knew this was going to happen. "I had no idea", she lies.
Frank and Jenn City go upstairs to celebrate, while Dan goes into the lounge to quietly yell "I'm back!" Yes, cue more yelling in the diary room. He also continues talking to the camera, smugly saying this was his best move ever. We get it, Dan. Move on, Boy Wonder.
Ian is still furious, and stomps his way right up to the HOH. Is he going to pop Frank in the nose? Of course not. He just meekly says that he his "not too pleased", and Frank throws it back in his face that earlier he said he had "covered all of his own bases". Sending Britney home uncovers a base or two, I guess. Shane then enters as Ian's voice raises a bit, and he then heads downstairs.
Britney hugs him and says that it is fine, but Ian keeps pacing as Britney enters the lounge. "Dan lives to fight again", she says to him, who replies that it is "nothing personal". He tells her to go talk to the HOH, but she wants him to "just be honest". He doesn't reply, so she walks out. Oh wait, she has to stop to complain that he is being "cold" to her, and that he has to remember that he needs to remember she's a jury vote.
He just can't sit still! Danielle and Shane are still in the living room, and Ian now paces into their orbit with a beer in his hand. "I will revenge it. That's for sure." Shane wants to know how Jenn got involved with this, but Danielle is more concerned about her "acting".
It is now Britney's turn to complain to Frank, and she does the whole "it is what it is" line. Frank says that he had to do this to hurt Ian's game, but Britney claims he's not as close to her as Ash was to him. Now that is a silly argument. Plus, she had something to do with that move, which puts Britney into her typical overdrive...and that she knew this was coming. The tears come out (and the piano music) as both Frank and Jenn tell her how great she is. "I'll help you if you keep me." Too late, baby doll.
Back to angry Ian. Frank walks back into the living room, and Shane says that he understands it was a "tough decision". A tough decision that "you had several days to think about", adds Ian. Oh, it is on....and Dan loves it from the other room. "I thought they were taking advantage of you because you were a kid", says Frank, "but it turns out you're just trying to be sneaky." The talk moves on to booting Boogie, and Dan is really laughing now.
Ian finally sits down, and Frank comes back out of the storage room to start it all up again. This time, it is about Frank telling Boogie to give Ian the three grand, and how he repaid that by getting out Boogie. Ian then tells the entire house that anybody that sits next to Frank in the finals will lose 7-0. Um, doubtful. We end with Frank complaining about his carrot costume, Ian flipping the bird, and Britney crying. Perfect.
After commercials, we move on to the footage to make us think Britney has a chance. Everybody is outside, and Britney tells Frank that she's not mad at him. No, it's the person "who elbowed me in the face during phone machine. I don't want anybody to be under the misinterpretation that Dan doesn't want to do anything for anybody if it's not the best thing for them." That doesn't quite make sense, but I get what she's saying. She calls herself an idiot for believing his BS, but Ian jumps right to her defense. "No, you're not an idiot." Danielle, though, has to cover her face so that she doesn't spoil her cover. Frank, though, is happy that the focus is on Dan instead of him. Ok, Britney, enough. It is funny, but we have other things to deal with.
Britney then heads into the house, and runs into a quiet Dan. "You can't even say sorry." She says that the worst thing she's done in the game is to believe him.
Oh wait, there is Joe! He is in the bedroom with Shane, the "only person I trust right now". Joe tells him that he is the one who will have to make the call on who to evict, and we get footage of Joe's pledge to get down on his knees for a grateful Shane.
And cut. We have the footage necessary to make it seem up in the air, as we go right to Julie's insipid questions for the house. She begins with Ian, and his explosive words after the veto. She asks what the mood in the house is right now, and Ian says that although it is better it is tense. Jenn is then asked about her move, and she says it "was the most brutal decision I've made thus far in the house". Um, it is your only move in the house.
She goes on to suck on Dan for a bit, and he has a typical ridiculous ass-kissing reply. Julie then asks about Shane's tears during the funeral, and as always he can't string a sentence together. Thankfully, we are done with this always-terrible segment.
Before we get to the eviction, though, we have to have one last piece of Britney fluff. The segment starts with her looking back at her disastrous relationship with the "Brigade", and we have a reunion with these three silly (and one cool) guys. I only care about the Matt portion, especially when they showed the pic of him dressed as Britney for "Hoffoween"...or when he calls Danielle a stalker. YES!!!
To further the filler, Julie also talks to Frank. We will skip that portion.
Finally, it is eviction time. Danielle goes first with the final plea, and her Southern accent is accentuated for some reason as she say she loves everybody. Then Britney gets up and says hello to her husband, family, and BB fans. She says she "doesn't have the time or a big enough ego to host my own funeral but I understand that you have to do what is best for your own game". She ends by quoting a wise old man, "you'll always be Judas to me" as she points to Dan. I will miss the little bitch.
Voting starts with Dan, who obviously votes to evict Britney, as does Jenn. Ian, though, votes to evict Danielle. Shane, however, goes against Birtney. Yes, so does Joe. Britney is out by a 4-1 vote!
Julie reads the results, all is calm as she gathers her stuff and heads out. After the customary de-coloring of her name on the memory wall, Julie asks about her Judas comment. "As a lover of this game, I can really see that he did what he had to do to get off the block. I'm the one sitting here right now, so obviously I'm not happy about it." Julie asks if it is pure genius or pure evil, and Britney says both because "he flipped the house in an hour and used the Bible to do it".
She is then asked about how she went from being the "Queen" ("I try") to having the rug pulled out from under her, and Britney says that a lot of it had to do with Ian. "(He) got me into a lot of trouble, and I kept having to cover for him over and over." She doesn't regret being with him, though, but it "definitely got me into the trouble".
Julie reminds her that this is the second time she was blindsided, and Britney says she tried to "be super paranoid" this time around. Having helped get out two of the supposed greatest players ever (Boogie and Janelle), the question is whether she proved what she meant to prove. Not really, she says, as she really wanted to win.
With her influence on Ian and Shane now finished, Britney is asked how they will do in the remaining weeks. Britney believes that Ian will do fine, but he needs to relax. As for Shane, though, he will just continue "follow the lead of...Danielle or Dan. He's very expendable, but he doesn't see that for himself".
After being reminded of her goodbye message to Boogie, we get to see those for Britney. Danielle is her typical nonsensical self, while Dan tries to explain his move. "What went down this week made me really stick to my guns and fight for myself." Shane just talks about his pink shirt, and Ian tells her she's "one of the best people I've ever met...this season's true beauty has been evicted from the house. I will get that hairy, orange beast."
So now we move on to tonight's HOH competition, and yes, it is an endurance. But there is a twist, as there was a vote as to whether the first person out would get a treat or punishment. Thankfully, punishment barely won...and the first to drop has to open a box. They're not told if it is a punishment or reward.
Tonight's contest is one of those hanging on a small platform as it spins around a spitting "sun". Yeah, this won't last long...which is proven when we come back from commercials to see that Joe is already down...followed by Jenn a minute later! That is it for tonight, though, outside of Julie's announcement that next week is ANOTHER double eviction!
What did you think of tonight's show? Are you happy with Britney's eviction? Or her speech and interview? Or the return of "Der Bergade"? Tell us what you think!