It may have only been nine weeks ago or so that the Big Brother #14 contestants entered the house, but hasn't it seemed like months? I barely remember people like Jodi, JoJo, and Kara. Hell, I've almost forgotten Wil, let alone Willie.
So here we are on the last Thursday episode of the season, and the last real big move. Grodner and crew have already been tweeting that it is going to be one of the biggest moves ever, but I refrain from such hyperbole. If what we have heard on the feeds is what exactly will go down, then it is pretty bold...but it is really no different than what was attempted last week (or at least once every season).
It's another busy show...the aftermath of Danielle's HOH victory from last night, nominations, veto comp, veto meeting, eviction, and the start of the first part of the final HOH competition. More importantly, we are going to finally see some jury house footage, which I'd rather see than anything I listed in the previous sentence.
After we get through not one but two rundowns of what has happened this week, the show starts with reactions to what happened on last night's show. (BTW, Julie Chen, quit referring to Shane as Danielle's "boyfriend"!) We see Jenn's eviction, and Danielle says she is sad because she loves Jenn. I really don't know what Shane is babbling, but after she leaves they all start doing the "quack quack" garbage. Well, all but Dan. Ian believes that the game is now the couple versus the "Renegades".
We jump to Danielle's victory in the HOH competition, and she goes into her Honey Boo Boo voice. Seriously, knock it off. Ian says this hurts his goal, but it "all comes down to the power of veto comp". Shane is happy, though, and he thinks Ian is the one who could go home.
We move into the kitchen for more back-slapping, and Dan says while he wishes he had won, he does have final three deals with all of them..."and no one knows it". Time passes, and Dan starts to work his magic on Danielle. "The student is now beating the teacher." Yeah, that does the trick. They begin talking about nominations, although at this point it really doesn't matter who is up...which is why Dan suggests putting him and Ian up. Dan's belief is that if Shane isn't put up he will start to feel too comfortable, which will make him vulnerable to being sent out the door. Dan even tells her what to say, which is to complain that Ian "tried to break up a couple". Just like Renegade is Ian's magic word, "couple" is Daneille's.
It is now time for those nominations, although, like I said, they don't matter much for this round. It is all about the veto comp. We go through the motions anyway, and the only key in the box belongs to Shane. Yep, Ian and Dan are nominated. She doesn't do the "couple" line, but complains that both of them "backdoored" her...which they didn't do, by the way. Ian says that he is bummed, but he points out what I just did about the veto. Dan, on the other hand, is confident and he doesn't have to win the veto as he has deals with these three morons who have NEVER compared notes.
After commercials, we finally get the footage I wanted to see - the JURY HOUSE!!! YES!!! We start off with Ashley meditating and blowing bubbles, and I won't even go into the idiocy she says about those bubbles representing people in the house. Oh man, she even has her dreaded "dream board".
The limo pulls up, and Ashley says that she hopes it is Dan as she wants Frank to win the cash. We know that's not the case, though, and lovely Britney steps out instead...and scares her! Ashley says that she loves Britney, and they both laugh about how Dan has got to go. Britney tells the story on how Dan escaped the week, and we immediately jump to them talking about the next evictee.
Britney makes a joke about Frank coming in...and he does! Ashley is both excited and sad. Instead of the footage of them watching videos, though, Frank just comes out and tells them that Ian won HOH. He tells the story we know oh so well about Frank's idiocy.
They move into the living room to talk more about what happened, and Frank and Britney begin fighting over whether Dan is playing a good game. Yep, it is all about making and breaking deals, and Britney is still pissed that Frank broke his deal with her. Britney ends the fight by simply stating, "we all got Dan-misted". Ashley pipes up, saying "it's really fun here".
Another limo now pulls up, and Frank says that he hopes it is Dan coming in. It's obviously not. "Who called for the Chef up in this mansion?" Funny thing, though. Joe compares losing the game to "peeing in your Wheeties". Um, ok. That's an interesting comment from a man who has questionable sanitary practices. They continue to talk about Dan's lies, and Joe makes fun of him using the Bible. Oh God, Frank and Britney argue one more time about loyalty. "Frank is the only one allowed to be dishonest." This goes on for a bit until Frank stupidly pulls out a line about her husband cheating. More wine please...and more jury house!
Back to the Quackers...and the "most important veto competition of the summer". The game is a chemistry puzzle, and they have to match pictures of the house guests with clues. In a twist, some of the clues have multiple correct answers, but only one combination of pictures will complete the puzzle.
After they each stupidly do a quack, the game begins. All four begin over-playing how the game plays, and their strategy, before Ian believes he has the puzzle completed. He starts making "weird monster noises", which makes Dan believe he has a shot. Shane also misfires, and Ian does it again. This all puts Danielle into "panic mode", and when she hits the buzzer she only has two wrong. She makes a couple of adjustments...and wins! Funny thing is that she indicates this means she gets to keep her "two boys". Yeah, we'll see. Ian, meanwhile, is bummed that he may be going home, but Dan is hoping to convince Danielle to save him from the block so he can decide who goes with the two of them. (Foreshadowing alert!)
Before veto ceremony time, though, we have some more footage from the house. Ian is rocking in his chair, bummed that either he or his pal Dan will be going home. Dan, though, makes his way up to Danielle's HOH room to congratulate her. She promises to keep him safe, and he makes his move to take him down. First, he has to endure her backslapping a bit, and then she comes right out and asks what he wants her to do. He does this by acting worried about what Shane will do with the only vote of this round, and that gets Danielle immediately worried. He asks him if he will promise to save Shane, and he does but in the diary room says he is going to get rid of Shane instead.
Now Shane is in the HOH, and she talks about this new plan. She says she will "never ever ever ever ever" let anything happen to him, but he is not pleased with this idea. As he should not be...but he stupidly says to do "whatever you need to do". Ugh, they actually kiss! Gross! Take this off my screen! "Looks like you're putting me up."
Here is the moment we've been waiting for this entire episode - the veto meeting and what should be an explosive eviction. Julie has Ian and Dan make a final plea, and Ian goes first. He babbles about the formation of the Quack Pack and makes a dumb dog suit joke. Dan then gets up and makes his usual football coach analogy, and also promotes his dumb books. He claims that Danielle has taught him so much he is going to write a book about what coaches can learn from their player. Ugh. He's so gross.
Danielle then stands up...and saves Dan. Ian is shocked as Shane sits next to him. Before Dan evicts, though, they get to make another final plea. Shane talks about "expect the unexpected", and he obviously doesn't have a speech ready. Instead of pleading his case, though, he talks to the cameras and thanks CBS, his family, etc. Finally, he congratulates the Quack Pack and the individual players. Julie hustles him to a finish, and then Ian stands up. He says that he is shocked and hopes runs through everybody once again before a final "quack quack".
Dan then has the floor, and casts his vote to evict. He talks about how he entered the game with no blood, but now "I'm up to blood on my elbows". He comments on the jury house, and after saying that you only have one shot to break up, he tells Shane that this is his "one shot". Shane is now evicted from the house.
Danielle's mouth opens wide enough to take John Holmes, and she tells Shane she is so sorry as he hugs her. Dan attempts to whisper something to Shane as he walks out, but Shane doesn't seem to interested. Ian is completely perplexed, and all you hear is "um" from him as Shane disappears.
Before we get to the interview, Danielle is still sitting with her mouth wide open. Ian is pacing, and saying nonsensical words. Dan pulls Danielle into the arcade room, and she outright asks him, "why do you continuously lie to me?" Dan goes a mile a minute on votes and who she couldn't beat, and that he couldn't tell her "because you wouldn't believe me".
Danielle may not actually buy it this time. She asks "how many times have you broken my trust, Dan?" He claims that his goal is to just get her to the end, and he doesn't care if she doesn't believe him. He again goes through the votes, and repeats that as her coach this is what he had to do. She also doesn't buy the line that Ian will take her over Dan.
Danielle is telling Dan how she swore to Shane he wouldn't be going as the camera switches to his name turning to grey, and we finally get to hear Julie's interview with him. Julie notes that Shane raced out of the house, and Shane says that it was because he trusted Dan "one hundred percent. He swore on Chelsea, and he didn't come through with what he said he was going to." Julie asks about what Dan said as he walked out, but Shane said he really didn't pay attention to what he was saying about Jenn having Danielle's vote.
Julie then asks why he would "readily agree" to go up in Dan's place tonight, but Shane disagrees with that description. "I trusted Danielle, and I trusted Dan." Julie counters with why she would trust someone like Dan so heartily, and he babbles his cliche about looking people in the eye and shaking their hand. When asked why this went down as it did, Shane's response is that "Dan is just a dirty player" (and gets applause).
Finally, we get to the Danielle question, and Shane claims that there is a possibility of a future with her. Yeah, right.
Wait, the show doesn't end with the start of the endurance competition? Nope, instead it is more of Dan telling Danielle how he was only getting her to the end of the game. Yeah, this is just a bit tedious, so I'm glad it is going off the air.
That's it, kids. What did you think of the proceedings? How about that jury house? Or Dan's big move? Will it win him the game or cost him votes? Tell us everything you believe about tonight's show!