Throughout the course of this season, I have primarily singled out two people for their...let's say less than stellar brain power. Their very existence in the house has nothing to do with their mental skill sets. In fact, for the most part they just exist.
Danielle may be my new choice for this season's winner, but it is precisely because she has ZERO skills at game playing. Her entire time in the house has been focused on modeling for the mirror, dreaming of future stardom, and that house with the picket fence in Vermont that she undoubtedly will share with the show's other big dummy.
Speaking of dummies, Shane may have the physical attributes to win some competitions, but his wins are almost too much for his tiny brain. If people like Dan, Danielle, and Ian didn't whisper ideas in his head as he laid in the HOH throne-bed, he'd probably still be trying to figure out who to nominate weeks after his reign ended. The man can't complete a sentence, let alone a thought. You know the theory where the last person to talk to a person could probably get their wishes fulfilled? That's a game plan that should have been attempted whenever he had HOH or veto power.
Yet, tonight's episode will show that I probably should have focused the numbskull label on an entirely different person in the house. This goofball has all the same physical traits as Shane, but with a much more drab wardrobe (no pink shirts!) and even less self-awareness than Danielle. As I said on last week's Big Brother Gossip Show, he is in the middle of the worst ten days of his time in the house, and he has yet to realize that's the case!
I'm obviously talking about the man who took multiple unnecessary punishments for no reason. The man who attempted to take out the Golden Boy Dan on three different occasions, but ultimately chickened out each time...and even made a final two deal with him (that anybody in the world saw was a sham on Dan's part). His Big Brother funeral is 24 hours away, and he still believes he's destined for the crown.
So let's start off the real funeral of Big Brother #14 with the reactions to Ian's nominations of Frank and his previously-unseen, "big player", Jenn. (I still giggle when Ian tells her she has played a "phenomenal social game".) Frank the dummy states the obvious when he says he thinks he was put up because he was responsible for Britney's demise, but he does raise a good point in that Ian was her only vote to stay. Jenn babbles more silliness about how she's a "fighter" that will do what it takes to stay.
Dan, as always, is glib about the entire circumstance. Last week he was on the way out, and this week the person he wants is going out. Ian adds that despite what everybody thinks, it is strategy rather than revenge that led to putting up Frank. If he is to save himself, well then the unknown rocker will go out instead.
Silly little Danielle is now doing her morning ritual of posing in front of the mirror, but instead of the solitude she usually enjoys she must put up with the pesky Jenn. How dare she? Jenn reads down the list of remaining players to find out who the target is this week, and finally she gets to Frank's name. Ding ding ding! Even with that knowledge, Jenn says she is nervous about leaving, but Danielle says that Frank is indeed their ultimate target. In the diary room, Jenn concedes that she is still not at ease.
Frank is now seen coming out of the bathroom (without washing his hands), and tells Jenn that they have to ensure that one of them wins so Joe can go home. Jenn relays to him that she thinks the plan is for one of them to go, but Frank still believes in their alliance.
Eagle Eye Joe is now heading up to the HOH for some reason that I still don't understand even after he screamed his reasoning. Yes, Joe, the plan is for anybody but the nominees to win veto. But thanks to his deal with Shane, Joe HAS to go up if either of them come down.
Frank and Dan now have a conversation about the order of keys that came out during the nomination ceremony. Dummy Frank still believes that he has a deal with Dan, and is worried that if one of them come down than Dan may be in danger. Let me repeat that. Frank is worried that Dan is in danger. What a dummy! They even talk about throwing the veto comp TO Dan!
After commercials, we know it is filler time because the scene starts with festive music. Yes, it's that charming little chap Ian and his stuffed animals. Gross. Then the music switches to acoustic guitar as Dan asks him about having OCD or ADHD. Yep, this will ensure Ian's favorite player award on finale night.
We are now at the time to pick veto players, which is kind of dumb since all but one play. Ian goes first and pulls Dan's name, while Frank gets Danielle. Jenn is last, and Eagle Eyed Joe is her pick. Dan is excited because he's "coming for blood".
Frank now comes into the bedroom where Jenn is depressed about her situation. Being on the block, living on slop, etc. really sucks. Frank repeats his (unrealistic) hopes and dreams for the week at getting Joe out of the house. I really should be drinking whenever he says these things.
Now Dan and Frank repeat their earlier conversation about throwing the comp. As always, Dan frames it so that it is the other person who makes the decision that he wants. "Do you want it", he asks Frank, "or is it too risky?" "I don't know." Frank admits that he's scared to throw it, but also says it may be a good idea to save Jenn instead of him if he does win it. Where's Fred Sanford when I need him? He needs to be the one to call Frank a Big Dummy this time.
When we return from commercials, it is veto comp time. Everybody is in the kitchen, and a loud mechanical noise startles them. Yes, this week's veto is the OTEV competition. Personally, I wish it was actually called EVOL, named after one of my favorite Sonic Youth albums, but that probably would be less understood by the masses than OTEV. (In case you don't get it, OTEV is VETO spelled backwards. OTEV is set up in a giant cornfield, which leads to some "hilarious" diary room quotes from Frank and Ian. (Trust me, they're not humorous at all.)
So in each round, there is a riddle. The players then have to find a corn cob that has the answer. The last to bring the correct cob in each round is eliminated. After we hear everybody but Frank say they HAVE to win this, the contest finally begins.
The first question is the first eviction after the coaches were brought into the game, and the play-by-play from everybody takes longer than the actual round. The answer is Janelle. Oh God, even after a couple of people are up there we have to hear one more explanation about how the game works from Dan. make it stop!
Surprise, suprise, Jenn is the last one up. No wait, Danielle slips so Jenn is the second to last! Hey, that's the best she has played all season!. Danielle is eliminated, and the first thing Shane says to her is "don't hug me".
The next question is about the person evicted after Zingbot. The answer is Wil, and this time the race for the last spot is between Frank and Ian. Frank suddenly leaps out of the cornfield and makes it up well before the silly hammock shaker. He didn't care if he won anyway, but he is embarrassed that Joe actually did better than him.
The third round is the winner of the "Battle of the Bands", which was Boogie. Jenn thinks she has this one locked in, as does Joe, but it is actually Dan who makes it up first, followed by Jenn, Frank....and then poor ol' Piss Hand Chef.
Wait, Jenn is still in this? Next to Dan and Frank? Shocker! The fourth riddle is the last one picked in the first comp, and the first one to leave the game. Who was that unknown person? Oh yeah, it was Jodi. Frank and Jenn collide while looking for the name, and Frank is the first up, followed by Dan. Bye bye Jenn!
So the final is between Dan and Frank. Will Frank do the dumbest move since Lawon volunteered to be nominated? Joe is freaking out, and Ian is worried that they'll never get Frank out of the house.
Meanwhile, Dan is working his magic on Frank. "You feel good with the noms the same? Or no?" Frank says he isn't, and is especially worried about "Shane and Danielle listening to Ian". In the diary room, Frank goes both ways on what he should do.
The final round is about the person who went out on ice, and Frank says that at first he didn't realize that it was Ashley. Frank now says that he is not going ot throw it, and they both frantically are searching for that name as we go to commercials.
When we return, they are both still looking. Ian calls it the "battle of the ages", which it obviously isn't. Frank reiterates that he does indeed wnat to win, but Dan doesn't know if the answer is Ashley or Jojo. Whichever name he finds is the one he's taking up, and we now see him sprinting up the ramp. Did he get the right ear? Yes, he did! Dan has won OTEV, and Ian starts rocking even harder than before.
Jenn still has hopes that she'll be saved, since she did save him last week. Frank also wants to keep trusting him. Oh wait, I forgot to add Big Dummy Frank wants to keep trusting him. Dan, though, holds all the cards since he is in two different alliances.
Dan strips himself down to his boxer briefs, and races to the storage room to celebrate. "The kid is back! I'm alive and well. I'm back from the funeral. Let's go!" Funny thing is they didn't include the line about how he can finally guarantee Frank's eviction.
He then heads up to the HOH to continue the celebration with Ian. Ugh, Dan brings up the Renegades stuff, and that's like telling Danielle she's pretty. Yep, Ian will now do anything that Dan wants up to and including the finale. "Renegades to the end!" Once more time for those not keeping track - Dan has final two deals with three people now. Unlike his first season, where he was loyal ONLY to Memphis, Dan's admittedly a bit more shady this year. You think?
Dan now heads into the bedroom where Big Dummy Frank is laying around. He wants to know if Dan plans to use the veto on Jenn, but Dan says that he can't really talk about it right now. He just "clearly" can't use it on the Big Dummy because it would supposedly expose their big deal. You really area Big Dummy, Frank! Frank wants to know who would go up if Jenn is brought down, and Dan says Shane and Danielle are pretty much untouchable.
Dan heads back upstairs to talk to Ian. He pretty much has to take down Jenn to "have all his angles covered", so he makes sure to set it up where Ian makes that decision for himself. They go through all of the scenarios, and initially Ian is not happy with that idea. In fact, since Frank can't play in next week's HOH maybe taking him down is not a good idea. NONONO! Dan can't let that happen, and quickly turns it to make it so they're going to tell Jenn that it is payback for saving him last week.
Oh wait, time for another segment with Big Dummy Frank. He's been thinking, and it really would be a better idea if Dan did use the veto on him. Somehow that would make it more likely that Ian would put up Danielle in his place. Wait, what??? Dan plays along, and almost laughs out loud when Frank talks about them being in the final four.
Dan now moves on to Jenn, telling her that he his concerned about her safety. He's been working on Ian to save her, and she is forever grateful. If Joe is the replacement nominee, then who would they vote out? Dan doesn't care, he just wants her trust to the end. Oh boy.
Finally, we are at the veto ceremony conclusion, and Big Dummy is still clueless. Then again, so is Screaming Eagle Eye Joe. Ian, meanwhile, wants people to not know he's working with Dan. Say what?
Everybody is brought in, and we actually get to see the final pleas for a change. Frank brings up the fact that he can't be HOH next week, and Jenn reminds him that she "helped you to survive your own funeral last week".
Dan then says that in his hometown you "don't make deals until you repay your debts", and takes down Jenn. Ian then gets up and says because of a "lack of another option", he does indeed put up Joe.
The show then ends with the typical posturing from Jenn, Joe, Frank, and Dan. Oh yeah, and we get one more repeat of Big Dummy Frank believing that Dan is still working with him.
So that's it! What did you think of Dan's moves? Or Big Dummy's tendency to be oblivious to everything? Tell us! Please! Comment now! See you tomorrow during the double elimination!