Your enjoyment on tonight's episode will hinge on two factors. If you enjoy listening to Dan's screaming in the diary room, you'll LOVE the first half of tonight's show. If you enjoy listening to a loud, just-betrothed redhead yell her usual cliches, then you will adore the second half of the show.
It's a filler show tonight, kids, as the first half hour will be dominated by flashbacks to Thursday's double elimination broadcast. Another lengthy portion will be accompanied by sad acoustic guitars as the appearance of the redheaded monster is coupled with treats for the rest of the house that leads them to tears.
So let's get this going with the initial recap before we get to hearing all about the double eviction night again. (Why do they do this?) That over, we get to once again see Frank evicted from the house. Ian explains that while he liked Frank, he was his biggest threat. Not really. Jenn is upset because the final four was supposed to be her, Frank, Dan and Danielle. No, it wasn't. She again has tough words that she never lives up to.
Once Frank is out, Dan celebrates. "Double crossing is my game, and stabbing Frank in the back is the byproduct of it", he screams in the diary room. "He should have never trusted me, and should have backdoored me when he had the chance."
Dan hugs Jenn, who then calls him into another room. Dan says, though, that he "needs you in Kittie mode. We're going to war." Jenn says she has no other option but to still go with Dan and Danielle.
We jump ahead to the HOH comp, and Dan's overtime victory over Danielle and Jenn. Dan wants to send "another big threat out the door", and it may be Ian. We see him pull Ian aside and give him the "I had to put up Memphis as a pawn" story for the 30th time this year. Ian is not happy about this, even with the Renegade word thrown in. "You just got to calm down", Dan tells him.
Shane is then pulled into the room, and Ian leaves after filling him in on the pawn strategy. "He's going up as a pawn. We got to consider maybe getting him out." For some reason, Shane thinks it may be too early. Too early??? Too early??? Danielle then comes in the room, and the story is repeated. She doesn't care, because it is not her. Jenn then comes in, and she's told that she is going up as a pawn. Ian is indeed the person they're going after. "You have to win that veto to so noms stay the same."
We actually get some diary room strategy talk from Danielle, who says they do have to go after Ian because "nobody wants to sit next to him on the final two" with him. She repeats the story to Shane, who still doesn't appear happy.
For one final chat, Dan tells Ian that "you've got to trust me". He is then put on the block next to Joe. Ian is not happy, and Jenn should have been put up next to Joe.
We move on to the veto comp, which was called "Give the Game to Ian". Yes, he wins, and struts like the strangest peacock I've ever seen. Dan is not happy because he needs to pick somebody else to boot out of the house....like maybe "they physical threat, Shane"?
He pulls Jenn into the bedroom and asks if it is time to get rid of the "boy toy". Yes, she is. Danielle then comes in, and she's not happy with that plan. "Shane will keep you safe over Ian, any day." Dan points out that he had just told Sane that they were going to put out Ian, but Danielle says that she can control him. Really? In other words, stupid Danielle just ensured the future of the Quack Pack. Ugh. Shane is then brought in to ask about the final three, and he swears to not mention anything about the Ian plan.
Now, Ian is shown using the veto, and Dan has the audacity to put up Danielle. Oh, that man! She complains that Dan has put her up three times now, and she has NEVER done that to him!
Danielle and Shane head into the bedroom, and Shane asks if she knew this was coming. At the same, Jenn is again not happy. Dan says that they now have to vote out Joe. "She freaked out. She talked me out of it."
Ian now walks into the room where Shane and Danielle are talking, and she is bawling. "Don't vote me out. You promise? Don't lie to me." Dan then walks in, and threatens to rip Ian's face out if he votes out Danielle. He then pulls Danielle aside again to calm her down. "Listen to me. "You've got to trust me in this game." He says that since Jenn is already pissed, he couldn't put her up. Jenn is then summoned, and he again demands that she not vote Danielle out.
Of course she won't, she says, but she's infuriated that the Shane deal fell through. "He told me one thing and did another", she says in the diary room. "This is not good for me at all. Who do I have to trust in this game?" Before the segment ends, Dan reminds her that he saved Shane for her.
Joe is then evicted, and Danielle is ecstatic. Dan, though, feels that he wasted his big shot, "but I guarantee...that I won't miss my second shot". Afterwards, Ian is mad that Dan didn't go after Jenn. This is all starting to get a bit tedious, to be honest. Ian and Danielle are mad that they were put up, Jenn is mad that the plans didn't go through. I can only take so much of these same discussions over and over.
After commercials, Dan is lamenting the fact that he didn't put out Shane when had to chance. He tells Danielle again that Shane can't mention anything to Ian about the plan to oust him. Trust me, Shane probably doesn't even remember. Danielle is now pissed because nobody even mentions the fact that she just was on the block for them. OMG that's hilarious!
Shane then comes in to comfort Danielle. She tells him that she told Dan not to put him up, and that's why she went up instead. Oh, you funny little martyr. Shane does promise not to mention anything about what went down that night.
Damage control time for Dan, and all he has to do is mention "renegades" to Ian and he's back on his side. I'm sorry, but Ian is not the brains the believes he is, or what his fans want us to believe.
It is HOH comp time, and there are props representing every game they've played this year. This works for Ian, because, as he reminds us, he supposedly has a "photographic memory". In each round, there will be a reminder of an event in the game. The answer is a number, and they have to roll a ball down a plank into the correct number. Each number you're off is a penalty point.
The game starts with a question on the day "baby Zingbot" was born. The answer was day 36. Danielle is off by 13, Jenn by 3, and Shane by 2. Ian had a perfect score, and Danielle is pissed because she doesn't want Ian to win HOH.
The next question is when Frank won his second HOH. The answer is day 48, and Ian is off by one, Jenn was perfect, Shane was off by 2. Danielle, though, has four penalty point.
Question three is the day of Willie's expulsion. Jenn screws up and only gets a two. Ian also messes up, though, and he "feeeeeeel awful". Shane was off by two, Ian by eight...and my cable went out for a few minutes. I'm not lying.
When it returns, Shane and Ian are tied at the end of the game, so they are having a playoff. The question is Janelle's eviction, and they both know it was day 34. But can they get the ball in the right hole? Ian's ball fell in day 32, but Shane's fell into day 30. Ian is the new HOH, and he's in the final four! Oh boy, Danielle is pissed, and I love it!
Ian is now seen off in the bedroom celebrating. He goes out into the kitchen and hugs Jenn, who wants to know if she will be on the block. Ian says something about hwo she has never nominated her (like she had the possibility of nominating anybody), but there is no doubt that Ian is putting her up.
Ian is well beyond even remembering that he was on the block during the double eviction episode, babbling in the diary room about his "solid final two" with Dan. He still has to put up a dreaded "Quack Pack" member as a pawn, though. Dan just may have to be that pawn, but Dan is "not cool' with that idea.
After one more commercial break, Dan again works his mind control on Ian, filling him up with praise and how much of a gamble it is to put up his fellow renegade. He suggests Jenn and Shane, and we then hear the exact clip we played on last night's Big Brother Gossip Show...almost to the exact same edits. With "renegades, it's death before dishonor", you know!
Uh oh, it is redheaded monster time. Ian is the first person in BB history to get two Pandora's Boxes, which I'm sure his buddies have already added to wikipedia. He opens the instructions, which are the same as always (something good or bad), and a pic of his parents are shown on the screen. The second card babbles about how nice it would be to hear "words of encouragement from somebody who loves you", and, of course, he picks the Pandora. He walks into the Pandora room, but instead of his parents it is stupid Rachel! Oh God. This is a worthless segment.
Downstairs, though, suddenly Dan hears his wife, Chelsea, followed by Shane's sister. Stupid Danielle, though, takes a couple of seconds to recognize her sister. They run into the living room to watch their family videos as the predictable acoustic guitar background begins.
Ian, though, is forced to sit through Rachel's "instructions", which are all about Brendon and her other annoying traits. Seriously, Rachel stinks...and they all cry over their videos.
After what seems like three hours, it is finally nomination ceremony time. Danielle's key is pulled out first, followed by Dan. As expected, Jenn and Shane are nominated. Ian says that it is the veto that counts, and that is that. A worthless speech.
We get the usual ending diary room quotes about fighting hard, blah blah blah. Oh, and Danielle makes it about herself, saying in her baby girl voice that it would be awful if she had to vote out Shane.
That's it, folks. Did you enjoy the return of Rachel? Are you as disappointed as me that we did not get rid of Ian or Shane, as Dan wanted? Is it time to get rid of that waste of space Jenn? Let us know you thoughts!