Amanda Zuckerman, 28
Hometown: Long Island, N.Y.
Current City: Boynton Beach, Fla.
Real Estate Agent
If you’ve seen as much reality television as me, you begin to understand that 30 is almost like 50. You’re too old for The Real World, but you’re way too young to be a haggard Real Housewife...unless, of course, you marry a man rich enough to pay off Bravo Andy.
Those years of late night clubbing are beginning to take their toll. The voice is becoming a rasp thanks to that two-pack a night habit, and the penchant for screaming at the top of their lungs whenever they receive a free drink...or see a flashing light. An occasional jolt of Botox helps keep those worry lines away.
The body is still there, though. The skin above the breasts has yet to freckle or pickle. The boob job is a few years away from needing to be refurbished. The legs are still long and tan, and the booty can still hang out of the short shorts without showing stretch marks or dimples.
This is it, babe. This is your last gasp before you have to make that “career” you put on your reality television resume a...well, reality. So throw on a tight tank top and some shorts that enhance those gams, and charm this man with the dumb questions!
Her plan clearly works, as the dumbfounded camera man initially forgets to turn on the camera! As we enter the interview, she’s already complaining that she hasn’t been able to inhale her usual pre-noon pack of smokes.
Oh boy, this girl can talk. I can barely keep up as she plans to be a floater but not a floater, and this contradiction versus that contradiction. Her friends say she’s funny, loud, caring, and they all just love how she’s their therapist. Sure you are, honey.
The truth finally does come out, though. Girls really don’t like her, but they’re all just “jealous”. Oh yeah, there’s that cliche. I can see it now. She’s at a bar dancing with her prey, and that guy’s real girlfriend has the audacity to step in. “Bitch, you’re just jealous!” Yet she hates drama and isn’t judgmental!
At this point, the cameraman is having trouble focusing. It has to be those thighs causing him to shake and shimmy with the camera. Or maybe it’s the cleavage that is begging to be released from that tank top that is struggling to keep the puppies in check.
Wait, it just got interesting. She claims she was 30 pounds heavier a few years ago, and there are some men that have some pictures that better NOT be shared with the public. I’m now officially offering a nice reward for these pics! Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org!
My prediction? She’ll actually do well in competitions, and is alpha enough to ensure she’s one of the leaders of the cool kids alliance. While she will ultimately be involved in a few screamfests, I bet she makes it until final five or so.