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« Scott's Initial Impressions - GinaMarie | Main | Scott's Initial Impressions - Candice »
Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - David

David Girton, 25

Hometown: San Diego, Calif.

Current City: San Diego, Calif.

Lifeguard

Before he became an undistinguished Congressman, Al Franken published a political comedy book called Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. Why do I mention this right now? Simply because 30 seconds into this craptacular interview, it’s the only thing on my mind.

David is a liar. A douchebag. Every thing about him screams big fibber. Even that messy hair is a lie. You just know he spends a good thirty minutes in the bathroom fixing those curly locks to have that wind-swept look.

He claims that he and his mom have been watching Big Brother together for at least nine years. At least he’s man enough to admit that he still lives in his mommy’s basement. There’s no doubt that this is true, although I bet when he brings the babes home she either has to hide or claim she’s his roommate. Or sister. Or kissin’ cousin.

The moron can’t talk without moving his hand either. Like a similar Italian cretin from an earlier season, it’s clearly from chronic masturbation. It’s a distraction the way that hand rhythmically rises and falls in line with the cadence of his “hey bro” conversation. Dude, even a bit of pocket pool would be classier.

This bro thinks he’s a groundbreaker, and the reason his “application” was fast-tracked is because they’ve never had a surfer dude from San Diego before. Hey Ian, make sure you add this to the Wikipedia page. It’s a very special first for Big Brother!

At least he’s honest about his superficiality. He comes right out and says he’s an “attraction guy”. Of course. This special catch would never end up with a pig. But she has to be able to cook, and he just knows America wants him to find that special lady in the house.

This is about all I can deal with him, especially after he was “goaded” into showing his abs. Here’s what is going to happen with him. He is alpha enough that he will last quite a long time. Way too long for my taste.

For feed watchers, though, he may create some fun drama. I predict a love triangle of sorts. Amanda is going to lust for him, but she’s too old, has the wrong hair color, and smokes. That’s three strikes against her. He’s actually going to want Aaryn because she’s thin, blonde, dumb, and an easy pushover. This will cause Amanda to absolutely hate Aaryn! I can’t wait!

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