No big intro for tonight, as everybody knows what is going to happen. A beloved personality is about to see his time as the show’s jokester end, and the internet is not happy with this. Let’s just go right to it.
We left off Sunday’s episode with the somewhat surprising BOB victory by Caleb and Victoria (who?). Tonight’s show picks up where we left off, and everybody is heading back into the house after the competition. Frankie chases after Zach, but is waved off as he wants to be alone. “I’m extremely disatisfied at losing today’s Battle of the Block. What makes it even worse is that I lost to Victoria. The game I play in the house definitely puts a huge target on my back. However, it all comes down to that POV.”
Zach comes out of the bedroom, and Nicole says “good job” to him. Jocasta complains that she’s been on the block “four times, but I have to smile and be happy about it”. She loses me at this point, as she goes on to babble about how she has to win POV, like that is possible.
At this point, the punishments must be handed out, and Caleb is already bitching. “This is going to suck.” Victoria replies that she just wants to get it over with, which makes Caleb whine even more. “It’s not your head that’s getting shaved. It’s mine.” He’s also pissed about “being chained to a nincompoop for 48 hours”, along with two more weeks of slop. “With a bald head, I look dumb.”
Meanwhile, Nicole is doing her happy dance with Victoria. She’s also “super excited” to be the first girl HOH to keep her HOH status, but “my real target is Frankie”.
Caleb is still whining, and this time it’s to Zach, who is preparing food. Zach’s response is that he chose slop, but Caleb replies, “I chose to be a winner, and you chose to be a loser.” Zach then says he didn’t chose to lose; “I just failed”. Caleb carries on, and Zach just takes it in stride. “I’m not disagreeing with that.” It’s all about Caleb, you know.
He carries on with the bitching about his hair situation, and Zach says in the diary room “I’d shave my head, armpits, and TOES to not be on the block this week. Surviving is what counts, not your pretty boy locks, you Fruit Loop dingus Bust-a-Fooligan!” Zach gets the last word in, noting ot Caleb that he could possibly be going home before Victoria (who?).
We move up to the HOH room, where Frankie is kissing Nicole’s ass. He wants to know what Nicole wants to see happen this week, and she reluctantly says the she does want Zach to go. He follows it up with who she would pick for House Guest choice in the POV, but Nicole is a bit too smart to give him info. Frankie pushes on, though, and says that he thinks she should keep the nominations the same after the veto. “Soon, it will be all out war”, he adds, but Nicole hopes the blood will be his by the end of the week.
Caleb’s misery is now set to begin, as Caleb and Victoria are sent to the diary room for their Adam and Eve costume. They come out as “Beastmode Adam” and “Princess Eve”, and I must say that Victoria looks pretty good. He tells her he’s thirsty, and leads her to the kitchen. Of course, we also get a bunch of footage of them pestering each other in the diary room.
After the costumes, it’s time for Caleb to be shaved. Obviously, Caleb milks the moment for everything he can. Victoria starts in, and Frankie then has to make it his moment. “Why is this really erotic?” Ugh, he’s the worst, especially as he goes on and on in the diary room about how this turns him on.
Back to the game, as Derrick is laying in the living room with Jocasta and Donny. Nicole is heading up to the HOH, and Derrick reminds us how she had wanted an alliance with the boys. He heads upstairs, accompanied by Cody and Hayden. Nicole tells them that if the veto is used, she’s going to put up Frankie. “But he has to go home at that point.” They believe that Zach will be a “lost dog” without his buddy, and Derrick adds that if the four of them are “loyal to each other we should literally be able to get the other seven people out before we have to think about anything else”. Derrick counts out all of his various alliances in the diary room, and adds that Frankie going on the block actually puts them in a bit of danger.
With the alliance formed, we have to go through the tedious ritual of coming up with a name. It’s, as always, a waste of time, and they finally decide on The Rationale. “It’s so disgustingly cool”, adds Cody.
We move to Nicole sitting in the living room with Christine, who tells her that she believes Zach is safe sitting on the block next to Jocasta. Secretly, though, Christine wants Zach out because last week he nominated her, and she’s also upset that she’s been drifting apart from Nicole. “I don’t know where her head’s at. I need to make sure Zach is still Nicole’s number one target, and if she’s not worried she should be.” Nicole asks who she should put up instead of Donny as a replacement, and Christine says it should be Derrick or Cody. “They wouldn’t be mad afterwards, you know what I mean?”
Christine adds in the diary room that she wants the relationship between Nicole and Hayden to cool off, so she adds that Zach told her that Hayden has been hanging out a lot with Victoria. And, dun dun dun, also possibly made out with her! As Nicole would say, “ohhhhhhhhhmaaaaahgawwwwwwd!” You can’t ruin her Big Brother summer camp with a story like that!
Hayden is then seen heading into the HOH, and Nicole tells him what just happened with Christine. “Is that true?” Hayden denies it, and Nicole calls her a bad friend. Hayden finds it ridiculous, especially when she adds that Christine thinks another boy should go up next to Zach. “She is straight up the worst”, says Hayden, and Nicole adds that she won’t be manipulated by Christine.
With the high school drama over (for now), we head to commercials. Oh wait, it’s not over, as Nicole now tells Zach what Christine said. (Seriously, I don’t know what is worse - Nicole’s whisper-talking or her diary room twang.)
Cody runs to Derrick with the info, and they’re pissed that a “loyal detonator” would suggest such a thing. “That tells me she’s working with somebody”, says the dimwit. They both believe that Frankie needs to go up and go home.
Time to pick the veto competition players. Nicole pulls out Caleb’s name, Zach gets Christine, and Jocasta pulls out Victoria’s name. Zach laughs that he’s playing against a giant group of losers, and if he loses “you can call me the biggest Fruit Loop dingus in Big Brother history”. (Foreshadowing, people.)
Time for filler, as Adam and Eve wander around. Victoria actually handles it pretty well (and with a smile), but Caleb does nothing but whine. Even when she complains about him, she’s in good spirits. I’m starting to like her! The acoustic guitar music comes on as he finally warms up and says “I couldn’t have picked a better partner.” The silly music comes back as he attempts to say nice things in the diary room, though.
Back to the game, as Derrick goes into the side room with the rest of The Detonators. Zach is convinced that he’s going to stay no matter what happens in the veto, but Christine thinks that’s silly as she would never vote for him. Derrick adds in the diary room that by the end of the week he’s going to have to choose between the Detonators and the Rationale.
Once we get through more commercials, it’s time for the veto comp. It’s a solo game where they all have to swing through a picture frame that shows comic book caricatures of each house guest. They then have to grab matching comic book covers and place them in the same order.
Nicole goes first, but I must fast forward as her diary room voice is oh so grating. She finally gets through it, and Caleb is next. Yes, we get a comment on how great his comic book looks. Yes, and how sexy the Amber comic book is. “I may just have to sneak that thing into my room later.” Too bad that the Beastmode who was going to win every single competition is too easily confused by this competition.
Victoria is the third up, and they don’t waste anytime with the silly background music. She plays up to her typical spoiled persona, and is nowhere close to getting them in the correct order. She eventually runs out of time (35 minutes).
Speaking of failures, Jocasta is up next. She again acts like a fool in the diary room, and gives those covers the side eye whenever she drifts past the window. She finishes, and starts singing. It’s disgusting. Christine talks about how much she dislikes Zach as she rushes back and forth past the window. She makes it through the comp with relative ease.
Finally, we get Zach’s turn. He says “it’s time to put on the cape and save the day for Team Zach Attack”. He adds that he feels like he’s like if “Superman, Batman, and Spiderman all had a kid somehow”. He gets the order wrong the first time around, and then makes a quick change. He has two out of place, but can’t figure out which ones are wrong. “I was livid. At this point, Zach Attack changes from good to evil.” He picks up each cover and screams about them, and even throws one at the camera. He’s convinced he had it correct. Zach takes one more swing across the window and sees what he had screwed up. “Leave it up to Victoria to mess up my game, you frickin’ dingus.”
Zach knows he’s in trouble, as he told Nicole to put him up, and then “choked in the BOB”. Plus, he just now screwed up the veto. “I blew it.” He collapses on the platform in tears, as the camera pans away. Nice job, CBS!
More adverts before we go back to the program. Everybody heads outside and marvels at the scenery. For some reason, we’re reminded that Cody loves Zach Effron. Why?
Time for the results. Nicole’s time was 12:20, while Caleb’s was 15:48. Victoria, of course, maxed out at 35 minutes, which doesn’t surprise anybody. Jocasta finished in 14:39, but Christine came in at 11:50. Zach needs to beat that time, but as you may guess, his final time was 26:17. Christine has the POV! Zach hugs Christine, and says that she’s “the only person who can save me from devastation”.
Christine walks into the room with the rest of The Detonators, and Frankie wonders what Nicole wants her to do with it. Christine lies, saying that Nicole needs to do whatever it takes to make sure Zach stays. Zach then walks in, and high fives Christine. “Thank you so much. I’ve never loved you this much my entire life.” Christine now had to decide how she’s going to ensure Zach’s departure.
Before we get to the veto ceremony, though, it’s finally time for Adam and Even to be set free. They cut the ties, and everybody just walks away as if they don’t care. Yeah, neither do we.
More fluff, as we get the obligatory Hayden and Nicole cuddling scene. Hayden then brings up Christine’s lie, and he decides she should be called “Christine Appleseed, because all she does is plant seeds around the house”. Nicole says that she really felt that Christine would be a person she could trust. “I want Frankie to go home Stso bad.” Either way, Hayden says, “Zach or Frankie are going home.”
As always, the veto ceremony finished the broadcast. Christine goes through the script as necessary, standing in front of the memory wall as everybody says what they hope happens.
The ceremony finally begins, and Zach goes first with a plea as to why it should be used on him. “A grasshopper walks into a bar”, he says, “and the bartender says, ‘we have a drinnk named after you.’ The grasshopper says, ‘you have a drnik called Bill?” Oh Zach.
Jocasta then stands. “I don’t know how I can top that.” She says she’d like Christine to use it, but “no hard feelings”. We know what happens here. Christine does not use the POV.
Christine still wants Zach out. “He’s got to go.” Nicole says something I can’t understand, and Derrick says that The Detonators “may not be as loyal to him as he thinks”. Stupidly, Zach does believe he’s safe, and is going to just sleep the rest of the week. And that is the sound of the coffin being slammed shut on his Big Brother playing days...for now.
That’s it for tonight. Are you pset with Christine? Are you as annoyed with Nicole’s voice as me? Are you starting to sort of like Victoria? Most importantly, your thoughts on Zach? Let us know!