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Thursday
Jul142011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 4 Recap

Somebody’s dream is about to be squashed tonight, and I couldn’t be happier. On the one hand you have Keith, failed star of dating shows whose plan of creating “Keith’s Girls” was extinguished moments after entering the house. On the other hand you have Porsche, whose reasoning for being on the show has nothing to do with prize money and all to do with this idiotic fantasy of having a film crew documenting her post-Big Brother life.

Truthfully, I could care less who heads home tonight, but it’s safe to say that we’ll NEVER hear from the evictee again. Keith will go back home and stammer out sermons in between chasing local girls with little self-esteem. Porsche’s future is destined to remain at that (non)-exclusive nightclub, where she’ll serve overpriced foo-foo drinks until a businessman twice her age makes her his second (or third) wife. What’s the future of the person who survives the evening? Look for them to be the first evictee after the Golden Key is turned in.

Before we get to that fantasy-extinguishing moment, we have to sit through a few minutes of filler, including a segment or two to make it look like either of them have a 50/50 shot of staying. After a overly-long intro and an intro by Julie, we get the expected reactions to Rachel’s decision to not use the veto. Nothing that’s said is worth repeating, except Porsche’s claim that she’s a strong competitor. Yeah, right.

Porsche and Keith have a conversation, and Keith is suddenly sweet-talking the twit. Porsche is having none of it, though. “You can tell Keith is lying when his lips are moving.” Oh snap! She lets him know that she’s prepared to handle anything that he tells the others.

We jump into the have/not room, and Dom says that he wants Porsche gone. Cassi wastes no time in agreeing, and Lawon says it also sounds cool to him. “They (vets) see Porsche as this weak twit”, Cassi says. In the diary room, Cassi admits that Keith has played a terrible game, but he’s a better choice to stay than Porsche.

The vets don’t agree, though. In the HOH, Rachel is saying that Keith has to go. They’ve finally realized that the numbers game doesn’t work for them, and Jeff thinks they need to go after Adam or Cassi’s vote. Working on that goal, the vets decide to socialize with the noobs. Oh God, I have to hear Rachel’s “Big Booty” bullshit again. For some reason, we also have to endure “Vegas Rachel” as she does some awful booty dancing, accompanied by a drum circle performed by the rest of the house.

Dominic is actually showing some smart, though, as he’s not buying the suddenly nice side that’s being shown by Rachel and the rest of the vets. “What are you trying to do? How are you trying to manipulate me, and what are you trying to get out of me?”

Ok, this segment goes on a bit too long, as Rachel starts calling Brendon “Bootie”. Brendon says that’s an affectionate name she has for him, but he doesn’t like the rest of the house knowing that. He calls her over, and after saying in the diary room that she’s no longer “a Vegas party girl”, he starts complaining to her for revealing that dumb name. Hell, it’s better than “Ashy Penis”. Ugh, he calls it “protecting Rachel”.

WTF? This is the most sanitized version of a fight I’ve ever seen, as the piano music jumps in as Rachel says “I love you” over and over. Finally, he starts whining, and it’s nothing like how it actually happened as they accentuate his “I love you” comments over his more hateful lines. He finally turns off the light to go to bed, saying he doesn’t care if she doesn’t sleep with him.

After a commercial break, we get part two of the romanticized version of Rachel fighting with Brendon. She complains about him being mean to her, and as always she apologizes over and over. He continues to whine, and finally snarkily says he accepts it. “You have a hot, beautiful fiancé who is in love with you…who is smart. Who calls you ‘bookie’. Is that the worst of your problems?” Wait, does Brendon have another fiancé. Hey CBS, tone down the acoustic guitars, and get rid of the anthemic crescendo when they make up. My God, this is the fucking worst segment in Big Brother history!

Back in love, Brendon decides to go to Shelly for a vote. Yeah, she’s an easy mark, saying its “awesome” to work with her beloved vets. Jeff says that he now has to go talk to Adam because he was a person Dick brought into the group. Jeff’s great idea is to have Adam name their alliance. Really? He comes up with nothing except “Adam’s Angels”. Ugh.

Now we’re back outside, and Cassi tells Shelly and Kalia that they have nothing to gain by booting Keith. Kalia doesn’t want to “rock the vote”, though, and Shelly is just confused because she’s playing both sides. She wants to know what she has to gain by keeping him, completely ignoring the numbers game. Cassi then moves on to Adam, who says he hasn’t promised his vote to anybody. In the diary room, Adam claims that this vote says whether you’re with the noobs or veterans. Um, Adam, you’re a noob. Think about it.

With another set of commercials down the drain, it’s time for Julie to ask dumb questions to the house. Oh wait, this could actually be good, as Julie has a message from Evel Dick. He says he’s alright, as is his girlfriend and family. He loves the game, and would have never left the house if there wasn’t an emergency. He apologizes to Daniele, saying they “get along the best when we’re on Big Brother playing together”. She doesn’t seem to be too interested, though. He then tells the rest of the house that he will be watching, and wants good gameplay, strategy, and fights. He ends with saying he misses most of them.

Julie then goes to Daniele and asks if she has something to say to him, and she has really little to say except that it is tougher since it is more than just gameplay. Julie presses for her to say “I love you”, but that’s too “awkward” for Daniele. Hmmm.

We then get to see clips of the have/have not competition, including Keith dry-humping the other boys. Yes, that’s actually pretty funny. Dominic is asked if it was worth it to have Keith on top of him. His answer is yes. Adam is then asked what it’s like to play with the vets, and once again his answer is not worth repeating.

Keith then gets to plead his case, and he starts by saying that Porsche “rocks”. Wait, what? He then adds the three things that are needed to make it through the house – have fun, never take things personally, and remember that it’s only a game. Porsche says thanks to everybody, and not much else.

It’s now time for the voting. Dominic is first, and votes to evict Porsche. Brendon votes to evict Keith, as does Jordan. Cassi, however, votes to evict Porsche. It’s tied as we go to commercials.

Lawon is the first to vote when we return, and his vote is against Porsche. It’s Jeff’s turn, and yes, he votes to evict Keith, as does Daniele (after saying she does love her father). Adam then comes in, and his vote is against Porsche. Kalia’s vote is against Keith, as does Shelly. Yes, this went as expected.

Julie announces that Keith has been evicted, and he’s all smiles as he hugs everybody. After watching the house mill around for a few seconds, Julie then begins by asking how shocked he was at being evicted. “Very shocked”, he replies. He does say that he would have done a few things different, and Julie adds that he wasn’t very smart in throwing the POV while on the block. She then asks what went wrong with his choice of Porsche as a partner. He does make sense here, though, saying that she broke their plan on all the noobs sticking together. Keith also says that the game is harder than he expected, and continues on with saying that falling for Porsche, who is hot, would have messed up his game even worse.

It’s time for the goodbye messages, and Cassi says he acted like he was on the “Dating Game”. Lawon says he acted like a “fool…BOOM!” Ugh, Rachel claims he underestimated “the power of Hurricane Brenchel. We flipped the script on you, and used all of your noobies against you!” Porsche ends the segment by whining about playing her, and points to her “you can look but you can’t touch” shirt. She really is a mini-Rachel.

With Keith gone, we can move on to the HOH competition. Those of us who watched the feeds the last couple of days have seen them practicing their golf game, and that’s exactly what they’re playing tonight. They have to hit their ball around a sand trap, with the winner the closest to a “hole in one”.

Rachel was allowed to choose the play order, and Dom’s the first shot. He hits a six, and Adam’s lands in the eight. Cassi’s shot goes too far, and ends up in the water…as does Shelly. Lawon goes nuts with force on his short, and also ends up in the water. Kalia ties Dominic by hitting a six, but Jordan takes the lead by hitting a three. Jeff doesn’t even try, and goes right into the water (reminiscent of throwing a comp for Jordan during his season?). Brendon also fucks up on purpose, making Jordan the HOH! Great job, noobs.

With a couple of minutes left in the show, Julie attempts to coax a Jordan-ism out of her. She delivers, thanking Jeff and Brendon for “letting me win…it’s a repeat from our season”. Porsche is asked how she feels about having the golden key, and her response is that it feels great. Julie then asks a supposed question from the viewers, and it’s to Shelly about missing her kid. I guess she has a stuffed puppy that reminds her of the family. “They’re the love of my life.” Adam is then asked who his favorite 90210 cast member is, and he does a metal roar as he screams “Donna Martin graduates!” Um, sure.

And the show is over. What did you think? Are you excited for Jordan’s HOH win? Are you going to be sick of the entire vet team? I know I am. Leave some comments on this week’s show.

Thursday
Jul142011

The Night Before Eviction...An Update

Twas the night before eviction, and all through the house, all the newbies were backstabbing, trying to knock each other out...

Ok, that was my cheese for the day. Just thought I would update all of you peeps who actually sleep at night on what the overnight deal is as of this eviction morning.  For those of you that have been watching the feeds a lot of this will be old news. 

After Rachel won HOH and Brenchel got the veto and left Porsche and Keef on the block, the vet "Dream Crusher" alliance started trying to pull each and every one of the newbies over to their side to vote their way and keep Porsche since Porsche "joined their alliance".  Some of the newbies fell for it and some didn't.  Shelly cut a deal, Porsche had already cut a deal with Dick before he ever left the house, and Kalia cut a deal.  The ones left standing up for their own side of the house (from what I can tell) are Dominic, Cassi, Lawon, and Adam.  There has been a lot of flip flopping all week long, but Shelly and Kalia have kept their poker faces on and been able to fool the 4 planning to vote to keep Keith into thinking they are voting to keep him also.  As of early this morning, Lawon, Dominic, and Cassi are still fairly certain that Keith is staying and that all the new kids are voting together, and that the only betrayer as of yet is Porsche.  Cassi is the one I really almost feel sorry for here since she seems to totally trust Shelly more than anyone else, but Shelly is really REALLY far up the vets ass and as of now DEFINITELY planning to evict Keith.  A few of the newbies have even been talked into throwing the HOH for the vet couples in exchange for safety (how dumb ARE these people??) Just like Porsche and Keith both threw the veto comp for the vets earlier in the week.

My hope is that Cassi, Dominic, Adam, or Lawon will get HOH so that they don't have to worry about the waves they make by casting opposite votes from the rest of the house, OR that (completely out of the question I know) Shelly and Kalia will have a last minute change of heart and vote with the other newbies and throw the vets off their game.  Either way, it's going to make for an interesting eviction night. 

After eviction as per usual the HGs will compete for HOH.  This week there is some kind of mini golf game in the backyard that they have been able to practice for.  It looks much like the HOH comp Jeff threw for Jordan to win in season 11.  There is some kind of order of players that apparently Rachel gets to choose.  No one has said anything definite other than that she has to have the order she wants them to go turned in by the morning.  The plan made by the vets is for her to put the HGs they don't want to get HOH first, then Jordan, and if Jordan does better than the newbies, the rest of the vets will then go, and throw the competition for her. We will see how it all pans out. 

As of now, I think keith will be evicted and I HOPE a new kid gets the HOH and knocks out a member of Brenchel or JeJo. 

What do you guys think is going to happen? Any predictions?

Wednesday
Jul132011

I'm Having Some Crow For Dinner. How about you?

I have stated many times in my blogs and on our show that I always make preseason predictions, likes, dislikes etc.. and more often than not I am wrong.  This season is no different, but I have actually managed to shock myself by how incredibly wrong I was about a few of the house guests I expected to see be one way or another.

When the pre season interviews happened, and even during the time that we "knew" but didn't know who the returning couples were going to be, my favorite likes were Dick, Kailia, Adam, Lawon.  I was in the middle about JeJo, Brenchel, Cassi, Shelly, Dominic and I expected to severely dislike Daniele, Porsche, and Keith, with most of my dislike aimed at Daniele Donato.  I expected her to be as whiney and bratty as she was on season 8, but to still be a comp monster thereby forcing us to listen to her whine for a good long while.  So, now I get to eat crow.

Honestly, not only has Daniele shocked me with her somewhat more mature attitude, lack of whining, not to mention better fashion sense, but she has really started to win me over from a game play perspective as well.  We all know she is a competition cham and will be winning once her golden key time is up and she can play, but what is newly impressive to me is her social game.  I doubt she actually enjoys hanging out with Rachel, or pretending to like the newbies, but she is doing an amazing job of being their friends anyway.  At this point I honestly see her being one of the only people in the house actually playing the game, and possibly the one that will practically walk to the end if those new kids don't start fighting.  Cassi has her moments, but unless she gets it together and realizes that half of her alliance is cheating on her with the vets, she will be one of the first to go.  She will have to play hard and win comps if she wants to stay imo. 

I still can't stand Porsche or Keith.  Listening to Porsche drone on about using the winnings to hire a camera crew to follow her around, and how she can't play the game too hard because it will make her look bad to future television networks that she wants to hire her is not impressive to me in the slightest. 

Keith whom I call Keef (thanks for whoever thought that one up) disgusts me and I honestly can't wait to see him go.  The constant spitting, nose picking, and other vile things coupled with the fact that he would throw a veto comp while he was on the block just literally makes me sick.  Even writing about him is threatening to trigger my gag reflex, so I will move on.

New to my extreme dislike list are JeJo.  I have never been a fan and for the most part have been indifferent about Jeff, and his lapdog of a girlfriend who some say has game, and I say accidentally stumbled into a win while double fisting cookie dough into her face and staring at her bf who was willing to carry her to the end no matter what.  This year I am not indifferent. I am over it.  The fact that they are the same old JeJo but now in the new improved arrogant style just leaves me with no desire to see them make it to the end at all.   I never thought I would say this, but I am more entertained by Brenchel than I am by them. 

I am also starting to get a strong case of the dislikes for Adam, but that is mostly just my annoyance at his constant shouting about bacon, metal, and 90210.  I'm done being amused and need a new gimmick from that guy. 

I am indifferent about most everyone else at this point, none have shown me much game, and I will have to wait for the first eviction to be over and things to heat up before I know where I stand with them, so I won't go through each one and the reasons behind my likes and dislikes just yet.

As of now...go team Dani. (takes a big bite of crow ;) )

What do you guys think? Likes? Dislikes? Reasons?

 

Wednesday
Jul132011

Big Brother: Season 13, Episode 3 Recap

Before we commence with the recap of tonight’s show, apologies are in order for the lack of summary for the previous episode. I was all ready for the broadcast – my slingbox was running smoothly, my mixed drink was refreshed right before show time. I even had a great opening paragraph already written.

As expected, the show started with a recap of Thursday’s premiere…and boom, here comes the local affiliate jumping in with a weather warning. Ok, no big deal. I’m thinking I’d miss next to nothing. I was wrong. After a fourteen-minute filibuster, I was able to witness CBS’ edit of Brendon/Rachel banter…and boom, another break-in. Out of the first 23 minutes of the show, I saw three.

Sure, I could have switched to an online feed, or watched it later on CBS.com. Nah, I was already not in the mood, and those cut-ins just threw my rage to a new level. Before you obsessed Weather Channel viewers begin writing hate mail, you must realize a couple of things about the situation. First off, this THUNDERSTORM activity was in a remote part of our state that covered less than a percent or two of the viewing area’s population. Plus, our CBS affiliate also owns a CW station AND a channel devoted to WEATHER!!! Switch this garbage over to one of those channels and just run a crawl underneath.

Ok, enough whining. Tonight’s the night we learn why Evel Dick left the show (or at least CBS’ version of events), along with the POV competition and POV meeting. Ok, all we really have is Dick’s departure, as I expect lots of Brendon/Rachel and Jeff/Jordan filler. (BTW, there are NO storm warnings tonight!)

Oh yes, we have to begin with reactions to the nominations of Keith and Porsche. Although Rachel tells Porsche that she’s available to talk, Porsche is confused as to who she’s in a alliance with. Is it Dick or the whole veteran team? Ok, let’s face it – I could have ended the sentence at confused. Keith says “it’s no sweat to me…Porsche, you’re going home”. Rachel denies this, saying that she wants Porsche to have that…dum dum dum…golden key so she’ll vote whatever the vets want. Jeff adds that the nominations were Dick’s idea, and he really doesn’t give a shit. Dick verifies that they were his choices.

Porsche heads up to the HOH room after nominations, but Keith spots her and goes off on her in the diary room. Brendon confirms that she’s not the target. “Trust me.” Um, sorry Brendon. Who could be that stupid? Oh yeah, Porsche could. Brendon claims that she’s the only noob that the vets can trust. Porsche doesn’t help herself by wondering if they’re going to set it up so that Keith wins POV (um, she obviously doesn’t know the rules). Brendon condescendingly describes how it’s her best move to throw the POV.

After Porsche leaves, Daniele asks what just happened. Once again, Brendon has to explain the deal and how it’s the best thing for her. Daniele adds in the diary room that her dad probably made a deal with the worst person in the house. You think?

We move on to Keith sleeping, and Dom interrupts so they can do the Regulator dance. Ugh. Keith says he’s going to throw the veto “only because I want to get Porsche out of here”. Hmmm. Dom says if he throws it, he’ll definitely stay.

Now Keith is repeating everything to Kalia and Cassi. He tells them they can’t fall for it if they come to them after the veto and try to tell them how to vote. Kalia advises Keith to talk to the vets, but he thinks that’s crazy talk. He adds that if he doesn’t throw the veto, they’re probably going to be backdoored. At some point, Lawon has entered the room, and he also agrees.

Dick and Keith are now sitting outside, and Dick is called into the diary room. He’s apparently in there for hours, as we see the rest of the house sunbathing, eating, and washing up for the night. Finally, Porsche asks Jeff where he’s at. Suddenly, the house is getting worried, and Jeff searches the house for him. “Clearly, something is up.” That Jeff is a smart one.

Daniele is pacing the house when Rachel is then called into the diary room. Now the house knows there is a problem. Even Jordan has figured it out. “Where is Dick?”

After a commercial break, Jeff asks if they can start “conspiracy theories”. Rachel returns and calls everybody into the living room. She reads a statement from Big Brother that states that “due to an urgent personal matter, Dick had to leave the Big Brother game”. It goes on to state that Daniele then receives the first golden key, but she couldn’t give a shit.

Daniele is now in the diary room crying, actually worried about him. Somehow, though, Adam seems to be more upset. A tearful Daniele heads up to the diary room with Brendon and Rachel. Inside, she says that her dad “lives and breathes Big Brother. This is his life…he’s not just going to leave for nothing”. Somehow, Daniele thinks that she’s screwed, even though she has a four week pass. In fact, all of the vets are now screwed.

Jordan enters the room and reports that Keith was smiling about the situation. Tough guy Brendon threatens to go down after him. Um, yeah. Rachel actually talks him down, and as Jeff enters he also tells him to mellow out. Somehow, they’re all screwed by Dick’s departure, but Jeff thinks it’s all crazy talk. The conversation just keeps going around and around. Jeff says they just need to “knuckle up” and win every competition. Gotta hand it to him. He’s the only voice of reason in the room.

Meanwhile, Keith is celebrating downstairs, and bragging that he’s going to make his move on “Danny”. Shelly is pissed that he’s so excited about something that could be a horrible deal for another person. Keith, though, is getting too excited. He’s already pissed at Porsche (obvi), but now his new enemy is Kalia for telling him that he needs to talk to the vets.”I’m going to be the hero. I’m going to save the day.” Really?

All of the noobs are gathered into the have-not room, and I really can’t understand a word he’s saying except that he thinks he’s “exposing” Kalia and Porsche. Kalia is pissed. Lawon doesn’t get it either, and even Dominic is having second thoughts about Keith. He points out that they now have the numbers, and that he should just relax. He really is a dumbshit.

So it’s now time to pick the POV players, but first Daniele is handed her golden key…and, of course, she whines about it. However, she’s been having some second thoughts, and is going to use these three weeks to “build personal relationships with all these people”. Good move, Junior Dick!

Jeff and Jordan are the “wild card” choices for POV, and Brendon couldn’t be happier. Rachel also chooses Adam to be the host of the competition. The vets all head upstairs and decide it’s probably a good idea to remind Porsche that she needs to throw the competition. Porsche says that she wants nobody out of the house more than Keith, and somehow Brendon manages to pump himself up one more time with some comment about how he’d even be great at rocket science. Really?

It’s time for the competition, and Adam is dressed as a cop, with the rest of the competitors in superhero leotards. I’m going to refrain from Jordan’s dumb comment…and also Keith’s. One player must grab puzzle pieces and hand it the other who is hanging in the air, who then places the piece on a “skyscraper”…but before it begins we again have to hear how Porsche must throw it. Oh yeah, and that Keith is doing the same thing. WE GET IT, CBS!

Ugh, the play by play of Brendon is even worse than Jordan’s inane commentary (and game play). The same with Keith and Porsche believing they’re pulling a scam on the other. Somehow, though, Jeff and Jordan are doing even worse than Keith and Porsche.  Thankfully, Brendon and Rachel finally put us out of this misery…and as usual, they act like they’ve won the greatest competition ever. “Eh heh heh heh he”. Ugh.

With the competition over, Brendon and Rachel head back up to the HOH to celebrate. Jeff joins them, and Rachel asks if they should change the nominations. Brendon, of course, wants to hold court over the whole house…”reminding them that we...have complete control”. Yes, he thinks that not only should everybody come up and kiss the ring that also from that moment on the entire house should come to them with their nominations. Yeah, he didn’t learn anything from the previous season.

They begin by having Adam and Dominic up into the HOH. Brendon informs them that if Rachel doesn’t change the nominations, that means that next week they can’t go up or also be up for POV. I can almost see the incredulous smile grow on Adam’s fat mug. Adam still agrees, but Dominic is pissed. “I wasn’t intimidated before they won, and I’m not intimidated after they won.” Lawon and Kalia are then brough in and given the same speech, and they also just nod their head in agreement (and laughing on the inside).

The speech is also repeated to Cassi and Shelly, and Cassi dares to speak up. She says she knows that they have a bond with Jeff and Jordan, and would always choose them over her. Shelly just stares off into space, adding only that there’s “no word breaking”.

Rachel then informs Keith that she’s thinking of using the veto, and asks what he would give her if that indeed happened. Keith claims that he’ll NEVER nominate her if she saves him. Really? Rachel backtracks and says the deal is only for the next two weeks. In the diary room, though, he says he has no worries because he’s “got the numbers”. Ok, Rachel, stop when you’re ahead. She doesn’t, though, and threatens to bury him if he goes back on his word.

It’s finally that anticlimactic time. Rachel and Brendon continue to spout nonsense about possibly changing their nominations, and the rest of the house responds accordingly. Finally, the rest of the house is brought in for the ceremony, and, as expected, it’s not used.

That’s it for tonight. What did you think of the episode? Will Keith survive? Will Brendon’s ego make his head explode? Will Porsche grow an IQ or two? Let us know what you think!