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Friday
Jul152011

The Brenchel Edit

I've found over the course of the past two years that the best way to tell if a person is a live feeder or not is their opinion of Brendon and Rachel. If one spouts nothing but positivity on them or their relationship, I know they only watch the CBS broadcasts. If their very presence annoys the shit out of them, it's safe to say they have spent plenty of time viewing the live stream.

I don't know who they know at the network, but it's clear they have some sort of connection. Throughout both of their seasons, the camera views rarely leave them. Even when they're in a room with many people, you can bet the "closeup cam" is focused on Rachel. When the two are alone, whether it's in the HOH or outside on the hammock, the vast majority of the time all FOUR cam views feature these two bozos.

This wouldn't be as infuriating if CBS didn't completely alter the footage used of the pair. Last year, network viewers were led to believe they were a modern day Prince and Princess; two angelic people brought together by a reality show, destined to live happily ever after. Live feeders saw it completely different - she was a shrill, annoying narcissist, expecting the world to revolve around her, while he was a self-proclaimed expert in everything who could have been a doctor, lawyer, astronaut, President, dictator. Only when the fight with Ragan was televised did viewers have any clue as to her unbearable nature.

Yet last season's edit is nothing compared to this year. As noted in earlier posts, Rachel is a shell of what we saw last year. What little soul she had is scrubbed completely out of her body. There's not a day that goes by without him pulling her aside to belittle her for the smallest sins. In fact, it generally happens at least three times a day. She can't talk to others without being yelled at by him. She can't look in another direction without being read the riot act. I'm surprised he doesn't get pissed whenever she takes a dump.

Like last year, though, CBS-only viewers have no clue as to Brendon's mental abuse. On last Sunday and Thursday's episode, snippets of them "fighting" were shown. Sunday's segment was primarily about plastic surgery, and it was turned into a "I love you the way you are" kissfest from Brendon. Thursday's portion of the show was a two-parter that occurred earlier in the week that had to do with Brendon's pet name, "Bookie". Both of these incidents were ugly to view in real-time, but once again the editors (and clearly coached diary room narration) transformed hours of bitching into a "I love her oh so much even though she's so silly") wink and nod. 

It will be interesting to see what is shown on Sunday, as the jealous, bitchy Rachel that we knew last year returned after the network telecast concluded. Rachel picked a fight with Cassi for no real reason, and once again Brendon (along with, but much more calmly,  Daniele and Jordan) belittled her for hours. As this is a big part of the week's plotline, it's going to be extremely tough to give her the same positive edit she's enjoyed so far this season.

Thursday
Jul142011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 4 Recap

Somebody’s dream is about to be squashed tonight, and I couldn’t be happier. On the one hand you have Keith, failed star of dating shows whose plan of creating “Keith’s Girls” was extinguished moments after entering the house. On the other hand you have Porsche, whose reasoning for being on the show has nothing to do with prize money and all to do with this idiotic fantasy of having a film crew documenting her post-Big Brother life.

Truthfully, I could care less who heads home tonight, but it’s safe to say that we’ll NEVER hear from the evictee again. Keith will go back home and stammer out sermons in between chasing local girls with little self-esteem. Porsche’s future is destined to remain at that (non)-exclusive nightclub, where she’ll serve overpriced foo-foo drinks until a businessman twice her age makes her his second (or third) wife. What’s the future of the person who survives the evening? Look for them to be the first evictee after the Golden Key is turned in.

Before we get to that fantasy-extinguishing moment, we have to sit through a few minutes of filler, including a segment or two to make it look like either of them have a 50/50 shot of staying. After a overly-long intro and an intro by Julie, we get the expected reactions to Rachel’s decision to not use the veto. Nothing that’s said is worth repeating, except Porsche’s claim that she’s a strong competitor. Yeah, right.

Porsche and Keith have a conversation, and Keith is suddenly sweet-talking the twit. Porsche is having none of it, though. “You can tell Keith is lying when his lips are moving.” Oh snap! She lets him know that she’s prepared to handle anything that he tells the others.

We jump into the have/not room, and Dom says that he wants Porsche gone. Cassi wastes no time in agreeing, and Lawon says it also sounds cool to him. “They (vets) see Porsche as this weak twit”, Cassi says. In the diary room, Cassi admits that Keith has played a terrible game, but he’s a better choice to stay than Porsche.

The vets don’t agree, though. In the HOH, Rachel is saying that Keith has to go. They’ve finally realized that the numbers game doesn’t work for them, and Jeff thinks they need to go after Adam or Cassi’s vote. Working on that goal, the vets decide to socialize with the noobs. Oh God, I have to hear Rachel’s “Big Booty” bullshit again. For some reason, we also have to endure “Vegas Rachel” as she does some awful booty dancing, accompanied by a drum circle performed by the rest of the house.

Dominic is actually showing some smart, though, as he’s not buying the suddenly nice side that’s being shown by Rachel and the rest of the vets. “What are you trying to do? How are you trying to manipulate me, and what are you trying to get out of me?”

Ok, this segment goes on a bit too long, as Rachel starts calling Brendon “Bootie”. Brendon says that’s an affectionate name she has for him, but he doesn’t like the rest of the house knowing that. He calls her over, and after saying in the diary room that she’s no longer “a Vegas party girl”, he starts complaining to her for revealing that dumb name. Hell, it’s better than “Ashy Penis”. Ugh, he calls it “protecting Rachel”.

WTF? This is the most sanitized version of a fight I’ve ever seen, as the piano music jumps in as Rachel says “I love you” over and over. Finally, he starts whining, and it’s nothing like how it actually happened as they accentuate his “I love you” comments over his more hateful lines. He finally turns off the light to go to bed, saying he doesn’t care if she doesn’t sleep with him.

After a commercial break, we get part two of the romanticized version of Rachel fighting with Brendon. She complains about him being mean to her, and as always she apologizes over and over. He continues to whine, and finally snarkily says he accepts it. “You have a hot, beautiful fiancé who is in love with you…who is smart. Who calls you ‘bookie’. Is that the worst of your problems?” Wait, does Brendon have another fiancé. Hey CBS, tone down the acoustic guitars, and get rid of the anthemic crescendo when they make up. My God, this is the fucking worst segment in Big Brother history!

Back in love, Brendon decides to go to Shelly for a vote. Yeah, she’s an easy mark, saying its “awesome” to work with her beloved vets. Jeff says that he now has to go talk to Adam because he was a person Dick brought into the group. Jeff’s great idea is to have Adam name their alliance. Really? He comes up with nothing except “Adam’s Angels”. Ugh.

Now we’re back outside, and Cassi tells Shelly and Kalia that they have nothing to gain by booting Keith. Kalia doesn’t want to “rock the vote”, though, and Shelly is just confused because she’s playing both sides. She wants to know what she has to gain by keeping him, completely ignoring the numbers game. Cassi then moves on to Adam, who says he hasn’t promised his vote to anybody. In the diary room, Adam claims that this vote says whether you’re with the noobs or veterans. Um, Adam, you’re a noob. Think about it.

With another set of commercials down the drain, it’s time for Julie to ask dumb questions to the house. Oh wait, this could actually be good, as Julie has a message from Evel Dick. He says he’s alright, as is his girlfriend and family. He loves the game, and would have never left the house if there wasn’t an emergency. He apologizes to Daniele, saying they “get along the best when we’re on Big Brother playing together”. She doesn’t seem to be too interested, though. He then tells the rest of the house that he will be watching, and wants good gameplay, strategy, and fights. He ends with saying he misses most of them.

Julie then goes to Daniele and asks if she has something to say to him, and she has really little to say except that it is tougher since it is more than just gameplay. Julie presses for her to say “I love you”, but that’s too “awkward” for Daniele. Hmmm.

We then get to see clips of the have/have not competition, including Keith dry-humping the other boys. Yes, that’s actually pretty funny. Dominic is asked if it was worth it to have Keith on top of him. His answer is yes. Adam is then asked what it’s like to play with the vets, and once again his answer is not worth repeating.

Keith then gets to plead his case, and he starts by saying that Porsche “rocks”. Wait, what? He then adds the three things that are needed to make it through the house – have fun, never take things personally, and remember that it’s only a game. Porsche says thanks to everybody, and not much else.

It’s now time for the voting. Dominic is first, and votes to evict Porsche. Brendon votes to evict Keith, as does Jordan. Cassi, however, votes to evict Porsche. It’s tied as we go to commercials.

Lawon is the first to vote when we return, and his vote is against Porsche. It’s Jeff’s turn, and yes, he votes to evict Keith, as does Daniele (after saying she does love her father). Adam then comes in, and his vote is against Porsche. Kalia’s vote is against Keith, as does Shelly. Yes, this went as expected.

Julie announces that Keith has been evicted, and he’s all smiles as he hugs everybody. After watching the house mill around for a few seconds, Julie then begins by asking how shocked he was at being evicted. “Very shocked”, he replies. He does say that he would have done a few things different, and Julie adds that he wasn’t very smart in throwing the POV while on the block. She then asks what went wrong with his choice of Porsche as a partner. He does make sense here, though, saying that she broke their plan on all the noobs sticking together. Keith also says that the game is harder than he expected, and continues on with saying that falling for Porsche, who is hot, would have messed up his game even worse.

It’s time for the goodbye messages, and Cassi says he acted like he was on the “Dating Game”. Lawon says he acted like a “fool…BOOM!” Ugh, Rachel claims he underestimated “the power of Hurricane Brenchel. We flipped the script on you, and used all of your noobies against you!” Porsche ends the segment by whining about playing her, and points to her “you can look but you can’t touch” shirt. She really is a mini-Rachel.

With Keith gone, we can move on to the HOH competition. Those of us who watched the feeds the last couple of days have seen them practicing their golf game, and that’s exactly what they’re playing tonight. They have to hit their ball around a sand trap, with the winner the closest to a “hole in one”.

Rachel was allowed to choose the play order, and Dom’s the first shot. He hits a six, and Adam’s lands in the eight. Cassi’s shot goes too far, and ends up in the water…as does Shelly. Lawon goes nuts with force on his short, and also ends up in the water. Kalia ties Dominic by hitting a six, but Jordan takes the lead by hitting a three. Jeff doesn’t even try, and goes right into the water (reminiscent of throwing a comp for Jordan during his season?). Brendon also fucks up on purpose, making Jordan the HOH! Great job, noobs.

With a couple of minutes left in the show, Julie attempts to coax a Jordan-ism out of her. She delivers, thanking Jeff and Brendon for “letting me win…it’s a repeat from our season”. Porsche is asked how she feels about having the golden key, and her response is that it feels great. Julie then asks a supposed question from the viewers, and it’s to Shelly about missing her kid. I guess she has a stuffed puppy that reminds her of the family. “They’re the love of my life.” Adam is then asked who his favorite 90210 cast member is, and he does a metal roar as he screams “Donna Martin graduates!” Um, sure.

And the show is over. What did you think? Are you excited for Jordan’s HOH win? Are you going to be sick of the entire vet team? I know I am. Leave some comments on this week’s show.

Thursday
Jul142011

The Night Before Eviction...An Update

Twas the night before eviction, and all through the house, all the newbies were backstabbing, trying to knock each other out...

Ok, that was my cheese for the day. Just thought I would update all of you peeps who actually sleep at night on what the overnight deal is as of this eviction morning.  For those of you that have been watching the feeds a lot of this will be old news. 

After Rachel won HOH and Brenchel got the veto and left Porsche and Keef on the block, the vet "Dream Crusher" alliance started trying to pull each and every one of the newbies over to their side to vote their way and keep Porsche since Porsche "joined their alliance".  Some of the newbies fell for it and some didn't.  Shelly cut a deal, Porsche had already cut a deal with Dick before he ever left the house, and Kalia cut a deal.  The ones left standing up for their own side of the house (from what I can tell) are Dominic, Cassi, Lawon, and Adam.  There has been a lot of flip flopping all week long, but Shelly and Kalia have kept their poker faces on and been able to fool the 4 planning to vote to keep Keith into thinking they are voting to keep him also.  As of early this morning, Lawon, Dominic, and Cassi are still fairly certain that Keith is staying and that all the new kids are voting together, and that the only betrayer as of yet is Porsche.  Cassi is the one I really almost feel sorry for here since she seems to totally trust Shelly more than anyone else, but Shelly is really REALLY far up the vets ass and as of now DEFINITELY planning to evict Keith.  A few of the newbies have even been talked into throwing the HOH for the vet couples in exchange for safety (how dumb ARE these people??) Just like Porsche and Keith both threw the veto comp for the vets earlier in the week.

My hope is that Cassi, Dominic, Adam, or Lawon will get HOH so that they don't have to worry about the waves they make by casting opposite votes from the rest of the house, OR that (completely out of the question I know) Shelly and Kalia will have a last minute change of heart and vote with the other newbies and throw the vets off their game.  Either way, it's going to make for an interesting eviction night. 

After eviction as per usual the HGs will compete for HOH.  This week there is some kind of mini golf game in the backyard that they have been able to practice for.  It looks much like the HOH comp Jeff threw for Jordan to win in season 11.  There is some kind of order of players that apparently Rachel gets to choose.  No one has said anything definite other than that she has to have the order she wants them to go turned in by the morning.  The plan made by the vets is for her to put the HGs they don't want to get HOH first, then Jordan, and if Jordan does better than the newbies, the rest of the vets will then go, and throw the competition for her. We will see how it all pans out. 

As of now, I think keith will be evicted and I HOPE a new kid gets the HOH and knocks out a member of Brenchel or JeJo. 

What do you guys think is going to happen? Any predictions?

Wednesday
Jul132011

I'm Having Some Crow For Dinner. How about you?

I have stated many times in my blogs and on our show that I always make preseason predictions, likes, dislikes etc.. and more often than not I am wrong.  This season is no different, but I have actually managed to shock myself by how incredibly wrong I was about a few of the house guests I expected to see be one way or another.

When the pre season interviews happened, and even during the time that we "knew" but didn't know who the returning couples were going to be, my favorite likes were Dick, Kailia, Adam, Lawon.  I was in the middle about JeJo, Brenchel, Cassi, Shelly, Dominic and I expected to severely dislike Daniele, Porsche, and Keith, with most of my dislike aimed at Daniele Donato.  I expected her to be as whiney and bratty as she was on season 8, but to still be a comp monster thereby forcing us to listen to her whine for a good long while.  So, now I get to eat crow.

Honestly, not only has Daniele shocked me with her somewhat more mature attitude, lack of whining, not to mention better fashion sense, but she has really started to win me over from a game play perspective as well.  We all know she is a competition cham and will be winning once her golden key time is up and she can play, but what is newly impressive to me is her social game.  I doubt she actually enjoys hanging out with Rachel, or pretending to like the newbies, but she is doing an amazing job of being their friends anyway.  At this point I honestly see her being one of the only people in the house actually playing the game, and possibly the one that will practically walk to the end if those new kids don't start fighting.  Cassi has her moments, but unless she gets it together and realizes that half of her alliance is cheating on her with the vets, she will be one of the first to go.  She will have to play hard and win comps if she wants to stay imo. 

I still can't stand Porsche or Keith.  Listening to Porsche drone on about using the winnings to hire a camera crew to follow her around, and how she can't play the game too hard because it will make her look bad to future television networks that she wants to hire her is not impressive to me in the slightest. 

Keith whom I call Keef (thanks for whoever thought that one up) disgusts me and I honestly can't wait to see him go.  The constant spitting, nose picking, and other vile things coupled with the fact that he would throw a veto comp while he was on the block just literally makes me sick.  Even writing about him is threatening to trigger my gag reflex, so I will move on.

New to my extreme dislike list are JeJo.  I have never been a fan and for the most part have been indifferent about Jeff, and his lapdog of a girlfriend who some say has game, and I say accidentally stumbled into a win while double fisting cookie dough into her face and staring at her bf who was willing to carry her to the end no matter what.  This year I am not indifferent. I am over it.  The fact that they are the same old JeJo but now in the new improved arrogant style just leaves me with no desire to see them make it to the end at all.   I never thought I would say this, but I am more entertained by Brenchel than I am by them. 

I am also starting to get a strong case of the dislikes for Adam, but that is mostly just my annoyance at his constant shouting about bacon, metal, and 90210.  I'm done being amused and need a new gimmick from that guy. 

I am indifferent about most everyone else at this point, none have shown me much game, and I will have to wait for the first eviction to be over and things to heat up before I know where I stand with them, so I won't go through each one and the reasons behind my likes and dislikes just yet.

As of now...go team Dani. (takes a big bite of crow ;) )

What do you guys think? Likes? Dislikes? Reasons?