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Big Brother: Season 13, Episode 3 Recap

Before we commence with the recap of tonight’s show, apologies are in order for the lack of summary for the previous episode. I was all ready for the broadcast – my slingbox was running smoothly, my mixed drink was refreshed right before show time. I even had a great opening paragraph already written.

As expected, the show started with a recap of Thursday’s premiere…and boom, here comes the local affiliate jumping in with a weather warning. Ok, no big deal. I’m thinking I’d miss next to nothing. I was wrong. After a fourteen-minute filibuster, I was able to witness CBS’ edit of Brendon/Rachel banter…and boom, another break-in. Out of the first 23 minutes of the show, I saw three.

Sure, I could have switched to an online feed, or watched it later on Nah, I was already not in the mood, and those cut-ins just threw my rage to a new level. Before you obsessed Weather Channel viewers begin writing hate mail, you must realize a couple of things about the situation. First off, this THUNDERSTORM activity was in a remote part of our state that covered less than a percent or two of the viewing area’s population. Plus, our CBS affiliate also owns a CW station AND a channel devoted to WEATHER!!! Switch this garbage over to one of those channels and just run a crawl underneath.

Ok, enough whining. Tonight’s the night we learn why Evel Dick left the show (or at least CBS’ version of events), along with the POV competition and POV meeting. Ok, all we really have is Dick’s departure, as I expect lots of Brendon/Rachel and Jeff/Jordan filler. (BTW, there are NO storm warnings tonight!)

Oh yes, we have to begin with reactions to the nominations of Keith and Porsche. Although Rachel tells Porsche that she’s available to talk, Porsche is confused as to who she’s in a alliance with. Is it Dick or the whole veteran team? Ok, let’s face it – I could have ended the sentence at confused. Keith says “it’s no sweat to me…Porsche, you’re going home”. Rachel denies this, saying that she wants Porsche to have that…dum dum dum…golden key so she’ll vote whatever the vets want. Jeff adds that the nominations were Dick’s idea, and he really doesn’t give a shit. Dick verifies that they were his choices.

Porsche heads up to the HOH room after nominations, but Keith spots her and goes off on her in the diary room. Brendon confirms that she’s not the target. “Trust me.” Um, sorry Brendon. Who could be that stupid? Oh yeah, Porsche could. Brendon claims that she’s the only noob that the vets can trust. Porsche doesn’t help herself by wondering if they’re going to set it up so that Keith wins POV (um, she obviously doesn’t know the rules). Brendon condescendingly describes how it’s her best move to throw the POV.

After Porsche leaves, Daniele asks what just happened. Once again, Brendon has to explain the deal and how it’s the best thing for her. Daniele adds in the diary room that her dad probably made a deal with the worst person in the house. You think?

We move on to Keith sleeping, and Dom interrupts so they can do the Regulator dance. Ugh. Keith says he’s going to throw the veto “only because I want to get Porsche out of here”. Hmmm. Dom says if he throws it, he’ll definitely stay.

Now Keith is repeating everything to Kalia and Cassi. He tells them they can’t fall for it if they come to them after the veto and try to tell them how to vote. Kalia advises Keith to talk to the vets, but he thinks that’s crazy talk. He adds that if he doesn’t throw the veto, they’re probably going to be backdoored. At some point, Lawon has entered the room, and he also agrees.

Dick and Keith are now sitting outside, and Dick is called into the diary room. He’s apparently in there for hours, as we see the rest of the house sunbathing, eating, and washing up for the night. Finally, Porsche asks Jeff where he’s at. Suddenly, the house is getting worried, and Jeff searches the house for him. “Clearly, something is up.” That Jeff is a smart one.

Daniele is pacing the house when Rachel is then called into the diary room. Now the house knows there is a problem. Even Jordan has figured it out. “Where is Dick?”

After a commercial break, Jeff asks if they can start “conspiracy theories”. Rachel returns and calls everybody into the living room. She reads a statement from Big Brother that states that “due to an urgent personal matter, Dick had to leave the Big Brother game”. It goes on to state that Daniele then receives the first golden key, but she couldn’t give a shit.

Daniele is now in the diary room crying, actually worried about him. Somehow, though, Adam seems to be more upset. A tearful Daniele heads up to the diary room with Brendon and Rachel. Inside, she says that her dad “lives and breathes Big Brother. This is his life…he’s not just going to leave for nothing”. Somehow, Daniele thinks that she’s screwed, even though she has a four week pass. In fact, all of the vets are now screwed.

Jordan enters the room and reports that Keith was smiling about the situation. Tough guy Brendon threatens to go down after him. Um, yeah. Rachel actually talks him down, and as Jeff enters he also tells him to mellow out. Somehow, they’re all screwed by Dick’s departure, but Jeff thinks it’s all crazy talk. The conversation just keeps going around and around. Jeff says they just need to “knuckle up” and win every competition. Gotta hand it to him. He’s the only voice of reason in the room.

Meanwhile, Keith is celebrating downstairs, and bragging that he’s going to make his move on “Danny”. Shelly is pissed that he’s so excited about something that could be a horrible deal for another person. Keith, though, is getting too excited. He’s already pissed at Porsche (obvi), but now his new enemy is Kalia for telling him that he needs to talk to the vets.”I’m going to be the hero. I’m going to save the day.” Really?

All of the noobs are gathered into the have-not room, and I really can’t understand a word he’s saying except that he thinks he’s “exposing” Kalia and Porsche. Kalia is pissed. Lawon doesn’t get it either, and even Dominic is having second thoughts about Keith. He points out that they now have the numbers, and that he should just relax. He really is a dumbshit.

So it’s now time to pick the POV players, but first Daniele is handed her golden key…and, of course, she whines about it. However, she’s been having some second thoughts, and is going to use these three weeks to “build personal relationships with all these people”. Good move, Junior Dick!

Jeff and Jordan are the “wild card” choices for POV, and Brendon couldn’t be happier. Rachel also chooses Adam to be the host of the competition. The vets all head upstairs and decide it’s probably a good idea to remind Porsche that she needs to throw the competition. Porsche says that she wants nobody out of the house more than Keith, and somehow Brendon manages to pump himself up one more time with some comment about how he’d even be great at rocket science. Really?

It’s time for the competition, and Adam is dressed as a cop, with the rest of the competitors in superhero leotards. I’m going to refrain from Jordan’s dumb comment…and also Keith’s. One player must grab puzzle pieces and hand it the other who is hanging in the air, who then places the piece on a “skyscraper”…but before it begins we again have to hear how Porsche must throw it. Oh yeah, and that Keith is doing the same thing. WE GET IT, CBS!

Ugh, the play by play of Brendon is even worse than Jordan’s inane commentary (and game play). The same with Keith and Porsche believing they’re pulling a scam on the other. Somehow, though, Jeff and Jordan are doing even worse than Keith and Porsche.  Thankfully, Brendon and Rachel finally put us out of this misery…and as usual, they act like they’ve won the greatest competition ever. “Eh heh heh heh he”. Ugh.

With the competition over, Brendon and Rachel head back up to the HOH to celebrate. Jeff joins them, and Rachel asks if they should change the nominations. Brendon, of course, wants to hold court over the whole house…”reminding them that we...have complete control”. Yes, he thinks that not only should everybody come up and kiss the ring that also from that moment on the entire house should come to them with their nominations. Yeah, he didn’t learn anything from the previous season.

They begin by having Adam and Dominic up into the HOH. Brendon informs them that if Rachel doesn’t change the nominations, that means that next week they can’t go up or also be up for POV. I can almost see the incredulous smile grow on Adam’s fat mug. Adam still agrees, but Dominic is pissed. “I wasn’t intimidated before they won, and I’m not intimidated after they won.” Lawon and Kalia are then brough in and given the same speech, and they also just nod their head in agreement (and laughing on the inside).

The speech is also repeated to Cassi and Shelly, and Cassi dares to speak up. She says she knows that they have a bond with Jeff and Jordan, and would always choose them over her. Shelly just stares off into space, adding only that there’s “no word breaking”.

Rachel then informs Keith that she’s thinking of using the veto, and asks what he would give her if that indeed happened. Keith claims that he’ll NEVER nominate her if she saves him. Really? Rachel backtracks and says the deal is only for the next two weeks. In the diary room, though, he says he has no worries because he’s “got the numbers”. Ok, Rachel, stop when you’re ahead. She doesn’t, though, and threatens to bury him if he goes back on his word.

It’s finally that anticlimactic time. Rachel and Brendon continue to spout nonsense about possibly changing their nominations, and the rest of the house responds accordingly. Finally, the rest of the house is brought in for the ceremony, and, as expected, it’s not used.

That’s it for tonight. What did you think of the episode? Will Keith survive? Will Brendon’s ego make his head explode? Will Porsche grow an IQ or two? Let us know what you think!


Jeff Expresses His Opinion On Wizard Headmasters

Tuesday evening on the Big Brother Live Feeds there was a group of house guests in the Head of House room sitting around talking when the Harry Potter series was brought up. Kalia Booker mentioned that she had heard that the character Albus Dumbledore was gay. This caught Jeff Schroeder's ear and her proceeded to express his opinion on that and the result is causing a bit of a stir in the Big Brother community and on the internet in general.

Whether it will make the television show remains to be seen. Portions of the discussion went as follows...

Kalia, "That was just... she wanted to have a gay character for kids to understand homosexuality.."

Jeff, "He's in a school with little kids, you don't want to make that guy gay."

Kalia, "WHY?"

Jeff, "Um... I don't think its the right thing to have a little kids book and have the headmaster that you're locked away in a magical land be gay, I don't think that's the right kind of thing to do."

The discussion ran for about 90 seconds and Jeff said he just wasn't going to talk about it.

A lot of Jeff's fans were surprised with this and many former Big Brother cast members chimed in with their thoughts as well.

Ragan Fox wrote up a post where he talked about the incident: My Reaction to Jeff’s Homophobic Rant

CBS has also released a statement on the incident as follows: "Big Brother is a reality show about watching a group of people who have no privacy 24/7 — and seeing every moment of their lives. At times, the Houseguests make comments, reveal prejudices and other beliefs that we do not condone. Any views or opinions expressed in personal commentary by a Houseguest appearing on BIG BROTHER, either on any live feed from the House or the broadcast, are those of the individual(s) speaking and do not represent the views or opinions of CBS or the producers of the program."

This is obviously a very sensitive topic but one that would be hard to avoid discussing.  Please feel free to comment but please also avoid any personal attacks and respect each other's rights to their opinions.  I'd like to think everyone is mature enough to realize not everyone feels the same about some things and this site is about the show Big Brother and being a fan of it.



The 10 Day Report: Stuck On Stupid

Unless my math is off, today marks the tenth day the hamsters have been under CBS surveillance, so it’s only natural for me to pull out that half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels and spend some time fast-forwarding through a few hours of Flashback feeds. I mean lots of fast-forwarding…so much that it only takes an hour or so to get through a whole day of feeds.

Yeah, I know what you’re saying – how can I possibly know what’s going on if I’m just rushing through the footage? It’s really the only way to go, as events such as Rachel and Brendon fighting is the same old shit multiple times a day…and outside of that, there’s little deviation from day to day. The day starts with Shelly cleaning, followed by a Brenchel fight, Jordan blissfully staring into the sky, three “noobs” conspiring, two of those noobs racing to tattle on the third to Rachel, another Brenchel fight…culminating in Rachel screeching “Big Booty, Big Booty” over and over.

So let’s go through the cast:

Adam: In his pre-show video, Adam stated that he idolized Evel Dick, and promised to act like the self-proclaimed living legend throughout this season. I’m sorry, Adam, we all know the source of your inspiration, and you’re no Evel Dick. In fact, your schizophrenic play is actually more reminiscent of the ultimate pipsqueak, Ronnie, except that instead of Star Trek you worship the bands that threatened to ruin my 80’s record store tenure.

It’s been clear since the premiere episode that Adam is pissed off that the veterans are stealing the thunder of what he believed would be HIS season, but I don’t think it matters who else is in the house with him. Either way, he’d be living under the lie that he was the house mastermind, when the reality is that almost everybody is simply humoring him.

Cassi. I must confess that my opinion of this Southern “model” has changed over the past few days. Although she’s clearly one of the folks brought in by central casting to cause horndogs such as myself to drool, she must have spent some time studying the game before it started. She’s one of the few noobs who understands that they have to split up the veterans, but she’s hamstrung by those who race upstairs to report anything she utters (including her own partner). It doesn’t help that the other token “pretty” girl, Porsche, is one of those twits who can’t stand to be in the vicinity of anybody who would steal some of her glory.

Dominic. I have nothing on this goober. He’s a moron, and the only thing that could keep him in the house for an extended time is Daniele’s strange attraction to him.

Kalia. Sigh. I had some high hopes for this woman, but she’s been a huge disappointment. All she’s really known for so far is her farts, burps, and discussions of her lack of pooping. Last night, she came up with the great idea of volunteering to go on the block next week so the house can rid her of her partner. Besides the fact that it’s a lazy plan to make the jury (I’d say the laziest ever), you would think that anybody who considers themselves a fan of the show would realize that volunteering to be nominated NEVER works.

Keith. Ok,he’s mellowed out in the last couple of days, but I have a feeling it’s because for the first time in his life he’s been brought back down to earth. While he claimed on the premiere that the duos gimmick ruined his “Keith’s Angels” plan, there’s no way that he could have pulled this off even without the veterans.  Hell, he can’t even handle the one “angel” (god, that was tough to type) that he chose as his partner!

Lawon. He’s funny, somewhat interesting, and has the best beauty products of the bunch. Unfortunately, he has little game and seems to be heavily targeted by those whose masculinity is threatened by anybody with little masculinity. As long as I get a few weeks of “Lawon-isms” I’ll be occasionally entertained.

Porsche. I have a friend whose child was named London because that’s where he was conceived, so I’m wondering if that’s also the case here. If so, thank God her parents didn’t own a Yugo. She’s a nightmare, which is probably why she’s become so attached to the veteran nightmare. She’s one of the noobs who will happily report anything she sees or hears to anybody, especially if the conversation involves Cassi.

Shelly. Her pre-show interviews included a bit about how she had no desire to be the mom of the house, but that’s exactly what she has become. From the moment she’s awake, she’s scrubbing every nook and cranny of the house. Once that task is completed, it’s time for her to attach her nose to the asses of the vets. Generally, it’s Jeff and Jordan, but quite often it’s also Rachel and Brendon. Her gravelly man-voice has never found a cliché she doesn’t over use, and I’m more than expecting her to scream out “let’s get this party started” any time now. In fact, I’m surprised I haven’t heard it yet.

Daniele. Ok, it’s a bit of a surprise but Dick’s evil spawn is actually playing the best game of the season. She’s toned down the whining (or at least is more selective as to the timing and witnesses), and seems to be actually enjoying herself. She’s the one vet who has spent as much time with the noobs as she has with her fellow returnees, yet she’s able to subtly throw barbs at Rachel without creating any drama. Keep in mind that while Dick has always been given the credit to HER success, she is a competition monster.

Jeff and Jordan. Meh. Yes, I understand that Jeff is dreamy, and Jordan is a natural beauty, but their presence adds little more than that. Jeff could potentially make a nice little run, as he’s the only vet besides Daniele that acknowledges there are other people in the house, but it’s also clear that Jordan has no desire to even be in the house. As long as she has snacks, she’s content to just stare off into the cosmos and give pie-eyed reactions to Shelly’s life stories. While some people have this insane theory that she is actually smarter than most believe, and that she is just soaking up information, I believe the only thing she’s collecting is calories.

Rachel and Brendon. This entire post was originally going to be about these two, but I just can’t bring myself to wasting any more time on them than I’m forced to endure by the Big Brother production team that guarantees them maximum screen time. Yet, it should be noted that Brendon treats her with so little respect that I actually feel sorry for her. The twit can’t do anything without being lambasted by the star of “Penis-gate”. She’s not allowed to talk game without his presence. Hell, she can’t even talk without him being within eight inches of her. Any deviation of this rule results in at least one of their inevitable thrice-daily fights.

Of course, once I feel sorry for her she pretends to be drunk on three sips of wine and demands the attention of the entire house. Horrific drinking games lead to her prancing around like it’s 2010 all over again, and together they’re this year’s Jessie and Natalie (and Lydia), proclaiming themselves untouchable for nomination, let alone expulsion.  If any noob hopes to win, they better knock these two off their pedestal…and pronto.

Now that I’ve spouted off on all thirteen of the cast members (we miss you, Evel Dick), I want to know what you think. Do you feel as lukewarm about these bozos as I? Could Jordan really be a quiet mastermind? Does anybody like the “Big Booty” game? Voice your opinions in the comments section.


The Continuing Saga of Bookie and Rachel

Those of us who watched Big Brother 12 are very familiar with the first chapter of the relationship between Brendon and Rachel. We watched their love blossom, grow, wilt, grow, wilt, grow - well you get the picture. You either loved them or hated them - most hated them - but nobody can deny they brought drama to the house.

They even brought us drama in the off-season by way of Penisgate. If you don't know what was about, basically Brendon sent pics of his penis to a Twitter lady (who turned out to be a man) and then the lady told Rachel about it and all hell broke loose resulting in a tearful apology posted by Brendon posted on YouTube. A link to the story can be found here and a link to the very NSFW penis pics can be found here.

Well now this dynamic duo (proud of me Allison Grodner?) are back in the Big Brother house this season and the drama between them just continues. They have been fighting on and off this season already and usually because he gets upset at Rachel when she talks game with anybody else in the house when he's not around to supervise. And when that happens he begins to do his same old routine of being condescending to her and making her grovel for his forgiveness.

Last night, the hamsters got a little alcohol and Rachel and Porsche decided to share a bottle of white wine. Mind you, they asked the others if they wanted the white wine and they all said no so they split it. Rachel and Porsche got a little tipsy (Porsche even hid some of the beers) and Rachel called out to Brendon across the backyard by her pet name for him - Bookie. (Yes, it rhymes with dooky.)

Brendon became really upset at Rachel for that and took her to task in the HOH room saying that he didn't want her to call him that in front of the others because he didn't want them to make fun of their relationship. He was also upset accusing her of being drunk. Rachel tried to tell him that she was sorry for calling him Bookie in front of everybody else but that she was used to calling him that. And besides, she wasn't drunk. He went on and on about how he didn't like seeing her drunk and hanging around with Porsche and how he won't put up with this behavior when she's his wife.

Mind you, Rachel was NOT drunk. He was primarily upset about her calling him Bookie and watching her hang out and have fun with Porsche. I guess the poor wittle baby felt like he wasn't getting enough attention or something.

Jump to this morning, and they have another argument about what happened last night (Flashback time 10:44 AM July 12 on any of the feeds). Rachel stood her ground a little better this morning and gave him back some of his own medicine.

They argued about how much she had to drink. She called him impatient and frustrating. He said he doesn't like how she ignores him when she drinks. She said she's used to calling him Bookie at him and in front of his friends. She gets pissed off and upset because she feels like now she can't talk to anyone in the house, can't call him an endearing name, and now she can't drink.

He then tells her he'll throw the HOH competition so they could go on the block and he could go home. She gets pissed off and starts crying. He says he's only asked her not to talk game with anybody else on her own. She tells him that Porsche just wants to be her friend and doesn't want to be her. He keeps on saying how bothered he is. She said she came out here so that he could apologize to her and so that he could tell her he loves her.

He asked if she's serious. She said not to fight her. He said to do what he says. She said she wants to have fun in the house. He said he's hanging out with the wrong person (Porsche) in the house. She said it's ridiculous they're fighting about alcohol. He said they're not fighting about alcohol and asked why she does stuff he's asked her not to do. She swung it back at him and asked him why he does stuff she's asked him not to do (referring to Penisgate I'm sure) and he said he doesn't know what she's talking about and if she doesn't stop right now she's going to make a huge mistake. She told him that sometimes he forgets that he blames her for "stuff" and tells him she doesn't need a Dad. He told her he doesn't need a kid.

She said they won't get married if he doesn't stop acting like this. He said he's reaching the end of his rope and that if she wants people to take her seriously she should behave in a more serious manner and says he's done with this conversation. He says if he threatens her again then there will be no more conversation. It goes on and on and at one point she tells him he's not even good at the competitions anyway. And then eventually she crawls up on his lap and they begin kissing.

So yeah. What do you think about the relationship between Bookie and Rachel? And why does he keep going on about being so concerned with the way she's portrayed in the house? It didn't seem like he was so concerned about it yesterday morning when they were having sex. Are you on Team Bookie or Team Rachel? Let me hear what you think about Bookchel in the comments!