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Thursday
Jul242014

Big Brother Season 16, Episode 14 Recap

At first glance, this should have been an ordinary episode. The question of who was going to be evicted was decided last Saturday when the veto competition occurred, outside of a moment or two where Cody questioned his decision on a replacement nominee (as shown last night).

Then out of the blue came big news out of the house. Frankie’s grandfather died, and last night he was given the news in the form of a letter. This created an entire evening of grieving and remembrance, culminating in a bizarre commercial-free half-hour of Frankie addressing the cameras on TVGN’s Big Brother After Dark.

Obviously, this news is going to be covered on tonight’s show, but to what extent? Will it be told in a traditional segment of house happenings, or will Julie also interview him? I have mixed feelings on this topic, which you’ll hear on this weekend’s Big Brother Gossip Show.

Until then, let’s get to the start of the broadcast with the reactions to Donny going on the block in place of Victoria. Who? Donny is upset that he was put up after being promised safety, but “you don’t take anybody’s word for what they say”. Brittany tells him that he “was the only person I was hoping wouldn’t be sitting by my side”. He responds with a joke that loses its translation when printed here, as most of Donny’s jokes tend to be. Brit says it sucks to be nominated next to him, as he’s been by her side through the whole game. She doesn’t want to campaign against him.

Cody is now shown upstairs being a pussy. He’s mad at himself and paces the HOH. Donny “doesn’t deserve to be on the block”, he says. He starts breathing heavy, and Cody hopes this “doesn’t come around to bite me on the butt”. He then heads outside, and Frankie and others tell him it’s the smartest move he could make. “I feel like such a fuckign bitch”, he says.

Frankie then runs after Donny to ask him if he’s ok, and tells him that he has his vote to stay. “We think it’s going to be unanimous for you, honestly.” Donny says he appreciates that.

Derrick then heads in to talk to Donny, and tells him that he’s safe. Donny knows that Cody has people directing him, and thinks Derrick is the “kingpin. I hope I’m wrong.” Cody also talks to him, acknowledging that he knows Donny is going to be mad. He tells him that this is the only way to ensure Brit goes home, but Donny says he was “looking at it another way. You have this other big alliance that you like, and you do like me, but you were willing to risk me.” Cody doesn’t respond to that little line of questioning, but does tell him that he thinks it will be a unanimous vote. Donny’s not convinced. “Pawns do go home.”

It’s now time for Brit to campaign, and she starts with Caleb because “he has a big influence on a lot of the other house guests”. She butters him up by telling him that, and adds that Donny is actually a bigger threat. The “deserve” line also comes up, and Caleb says that Brit staying would be better for him. “If you’re not coming for me, why would I not?”

Caleb is then upstairs complaining that it’s not right that Victoria is going to last longer than Brittany. She’s fought for her life, after all, and if Donny wins the next HOH he’s going to put up two of them. “We have to protect that.” Silly Caleb still believes the Bomb Squad exists. Derrick plays up to it, and says that maybe they should all evict Donny. Silly boys.

Now we get the Frankie segment. Julie introduces it, and we hear Frankie being called to the diary room. He’s give the letter from hsi family, and breaks down in tears. He comes back out to the living room and announces that his grandfather has died. The entire house comes down, and Brittany reads his letter to the house. He then talks about the man, and laughs at how the letter said that grandpa didn’t understand how the show worked. He also talks about how accepting he was of him coming out, and they all end up in a group hug. That was surprisingly low-key.

A moment of silence leads into commercials, and Julie addresses the house when we return. She offers condolences to Frankie, and then asks Caleb about not taking the veto. He says that he has “stuff at home that I have to pay”, and felt safe this week. Zach is asked what his reaction was, and he says that he was just happy that nobody took his trip to Germany away from him. Cody is asked what the hardest part of the week was, and he says it was putting up a replacement nominee.

Julie then announces that Have-Nots are back this week, and the four are the “laziest players in the game” judged by their Fitbits. “Amber, how do you think you did this week?” She thinks her cleaning helped her pad her stats. Christine is asked who is definitely a Have-Not, and she says “honestly, probably Zach”. Julie announces the bottom four, which are Nicole, Caleb, Christine, and Derrick. She reminds them that if they become HOH, they won’t be a Have-Not.

Oh lord, we have another Nicole/Hayden segment. Anybody that reads these recaps know my feelings on this idiocy, so I’ll just be quiet here. The families are also brought in for this segment, and it’s a complete bore.

More adverts and we’re at the final pleas. Brittany goes first, and she just babbles about “proving herself”. She thinks that the soccer punishment was proof of this, and pleads for “one more chance”. Donny then thanks God for the opportunity to “play this game I love”, and thanks his family. To the rest of the cast, he says “there’s a special place in my heart for each and every one of you. God bless  you all, and God bless America”.

Voting then starts with Jocasta, who votes to evict Brittany, as does Nicole, Hayden, and Amber before we head to commercials. After the show comes back, the votes still go against Brit. Derrick goes first with his vote, followed by Caleb, Christine, Victoria (who?), Zach, and Frankie. Yep, it’s unanimous. Snore.

As always, Julie then announces the vote, and Brit mouths “wow” before slowly heading towards the door. “Don’t trust Zach”, she tells Jocasta.

After the awkward stare at the memory board moment, Julie starts the interview by asking about the vote count. Brit says she was kind of expecting it, because too many people don’t vote for their own best interests. People like Caleb control the house, and the girls are weak players, in her eyes. Julie then asks why she was such a target. “It was easier to put up the same people, as there weren’t targets on their back.”

The soccer comp is then brought up, to cheers from the crowd, and Brit says her feet are now “disgusting. It looks like I have a plum underneath my toenail.”

The goodbye messages are then played. Zach says it was better for his game to see her go. “We had become kind of friends, but if I never see you again I don’t really care.” Jocasta says it was a tough choice, but she had to be loyal to Donny for saving her. Hayden says she was too “unpredictable”. Donny says that he hopes she is seeing this video, as there “are only two choices - me and you”. He says she’s “been dealt a bad hand in this game. I’m going ot miss our little ice cream dates”. Julie then asks if she’s happy to be gone, and Brit starts crying about being away from her kids. They are then brought on stage, with one carrying a soccer ball. Hmmm, I don’t think I’ve seen this happen before. I’m not sure I’m happy with this warm and fuzzy version of Big Brother.

Ok then, it’s time for the HOH competition. It’s a one on one competition, where a “country” song will describe a competition. The first to pick whether it’s a HOH, BOB, of POV stays in the game. An incorrect answer also evicts them, and if neither answer they’re both out. They do this dumb comp every year. Come on, Big Brother. Let’s show some originality.

First up is Christine versus Hayden, and Christine correctly picks HOH. She chooses Donny and Jocasta to be the next up, and Donny is right on with BOB. He picks Frankie and Caleb, and the Frankie beats the beast mode moron with BOB. Frankie has Amber and Victoria (who?) go against each other, and Amber is right on with POV.

Donny and Derrick then go head to head, and Derrick moves on with a HOH answer. Zach and Nicole are then selected, and Zach is correct with POV. He chooses Amber and Christine to go up next, and Christine beats her with BOB. Frankie and Derrick then go up, and Derrick is heard saying “you want to see your grandfather?” He steps back and lets Frankie pick HOH. He is now the first HOH, and Christine and Zach are up to find out who is the second one. Zach picks BOB, and wins! Frankie and Zach are the new HOH’s!

Ok, time for a little bitching here. Last night, after Frankie got his letter, most of the house decided to throw tonight’s HOH in order for Frankie to get pictures of his grandfather. It’s clear long before Derrick’s lay down that the various pairs were decided to ensure that indeed happens. This is silliness, in my opinion. None of these people deserve to win this season. This is no longer the cutthroat Big Brother I’ve loved for over a decade. It’s a farce, with a cast that’s too chickenshit to do anything that shows any type of true gameplay.

At least Julie questions Derrick about this move, but we get nothing but rainbows and lollipops in return. Ugh. Frankie then breaks down into tears as we head to credits.

There’s one more piece of silliness before we sign off. Julie has to announce the latest Team America (Fuck Yeah!) garbage, and this time they have to get two people to argue at the nominations or the veto meeting. Who cares?

I’m sorry I’m so negative, but this is turning into my least favorite season ever. I’m trying to remain positive, but it’s next to impossible. What do you think? Are you disappointed? What did you think of the house throwing that comp? Tell me what you think!

 

 

Thursday
Jul242014

The Night Owl - Weds Night

Not a whole lot really happened tonight.  Most of  you probably know that Frankie's grandfather passed away yesterday and he was told about it this evening via a letter form his family.  He chose to stay in the game.  For a while people were comforting him and just talking with him about the bad news.

Frankie did a eulogy of sorts during BBAD from the HOH room.

Not a lot of game talk happened other than various members of the Detonators talking about how Brittany is still being voted out and Donny is staying, and also comparing ideas on what they think the HOH will be, who they hope wins, and who they want to put up.  The general consensus of the group is that they want two members of their alliance to win HOH and put up Amber/Victoria on one side and Jocasta/Donny on the other in hopes they will get the opportunity to backdoor Caleb.

Outside of those talks, not a lot of game talk went on. Mostly everyone just hung out.  Jocasta and Derrick were sick from what they think was the funnel cake that Amber made. Both are hoping to be better before eviction tomorrow night.

That really is it. Hopefully someone will win HOH that will at least shake things up a little in the house this week. I would personally like to see Zach get an HOH to insure his safety, but I would like to see a weird combo HOH like Zach and Donny or Jocasta..just to throw things off from the norm.  The HGs all suspect it's going to be endurance.  I'm still not sure they would do an endurance comp while the BOB comps are still happening. There just wouldn't be enough time to show it during the TV show.  But who knows. I've been wrong before.  I fully expect to see Brittany leave on a 10-0 vote and I think Donny will likely be safe for a little while.  As always you guys can follow me @ashes2ashes13 on twitter for more overnight updates. Until tomorrow night...

Wednesday
Jul232014

Big Brother Season 16, Episode 13 Recap

It’s a pretty straightforward episode tonight. There’s some wheeling and dealing, a veto competition, and a veto ceremony. Plus, there’s bound to be lots and lots of filler.

The wheeling and dealing section of the broadcast could be interesting, though, as we had a few moments of excitement on the feeds right before they went black for the ceremony. If edited correctly, this should be a bit infuriating to those who want a certain person out of the house as soon as possible.

So let’s get started with the reactions to the Amber and Jocasta Battle of the Block victory. The victors are already inside changing clothes to the refrain of plenty of “Praise Jesus” chants from Jocasta. Amber replies that “I told these boys not to mess with me”. She is a tough competitor, you know.

Cody hopes nothing goes wrong in the veto comp, because, as you may guess, he doesn’t want any “blood on my hands”. I hate that cliche! Frankie is heading upstairs with Cody to wash the “tar” off his body, and he’s still happy even though his nominees are off the block. “I’m chilling.”

Brittany is now taking a nap, but a sly smiling Zach is bugging her about not being happy. “How comes you don’t talk to me?” This causes a reaction from Brit, who complains that nobody ever talks to her. “Everybody is acting like I’m shunned.” She complains that everybody is against her, and Cody put her up because she didn’t put her tits in his face. “I’m all alone in this house. All alone.”

Victoria is then seen saying the exact same thing to Hayden. Well, except for the part about her breasts. “I look so stupid on TV.” Well, that is true. “I bet America is laughing at me right now.” She complains that she doesn’t trust anybody, and being in the house is “torture”.

Half the house is now upstairs in the HOH, and Cody’s legs are laying over Amber’s. Uh oh. Caleb quietly wanders up just as Cody is “warming up” Amber’s fingers. He says he’s being “stealth” to see “exactly what’s going on in that HOH room”. The “stealth mode cowboy” is nto happy with what he sees, and gives them both the death stare. Just as quickly as he walks in, he goes right back out. “Awkward!”, screams Christine.

Caleb runs down to complain to Zach about Cody’s constant attention to Amber. Zach says that he’s like that with all of the girls, but Caleb says he should have “the respect and dignity” to do that to a guy that has done “everything” for this girl. Zach just sits there and eggs him on, and laughs in the diary room that “she’s not into you”, and promises to run upstairs to tell Cody all about this conversation.

Brit now walks outside and sees an irritated Caleb. “I’m just tired of the no appreciation”. It’s just wrong how Amber doesn’t just get down on her knees in front of her savior. “It’s just irritating to me.” An equally upset Brit whines about Cody’s flirtatious manner, and also how she’s always paired up with that worthless Victoria in the BOB competitions. Caleb claims that she has his vote to stay. After all, she “deserves to stay more...at the end of the day”. In the diary room, Brit admits that she doesn’t really trust Caleb, but she does need somebody to have her back.

Meanwhile, Zach is indeed reporting that Caleb is pissed off at Cody. “I literally don’t give a fuck”, replies Cody. “He’s pissed off because of a girl he’s creepily obsessed with.” Zach adds that Caleb claims that Cody says he’s putting a target on his back. “I don’t want him pissing me off in this game.”

Time to pick veto players, and another “blood on my hands” line. Ugh, knock it off! Cody goes first, and pulls Zach’s chip. “It’s time for Zach Attack!” Victoria gets Nicole, while Brit gets “house guest choice”. Who does she pick? Caleb. WTF? What a dummy! Cody is flabbergasted, but Brit says she picked him because he “looked yummy in that shirt”.

Cody is now talking to Caleb, who says he has no idea why Brit picked him to play. Nevertheless, he wants Victoria to go home and pumps up the greatness of Brittany. Cody is getting even more pissed, and hints that he may have to do something about this situation.

After a commercial break, it’s veto competition time. The backyard is set up like a soccer stadium, and Frankie’s overdone hosting is already driving me nuts. Before the competition begins, they are given the news of Germany’s world cup victory. The game is played by “kicking” a soccer ball into a net filled with sections that have points. The player with the lowest score is eliminated, and they have to pick a “prize”. Subsequent losers get the choice of their prize, or anybody who is lower than them.

Victoria is up first, and scores a 50. “Touchdown!” Ugh. Cody again mentions blood on his hands, but only gets a four. “I’m pretty much an idiot.” Caleb gets a 20, while Zach gets 50. A purposely confused Nicole claims that she has never heard of soccer, and gets a 20. Brit is last, and her ball bounces out of the one spot into the ten. Cody is the first out, and his prize is the veto! Too bad he won’t be holding onto that long.

The second round starts with a 22 from Caleb, followed by 5 from Zach and 20 by Nicole. Brit’s ball doesn’t even land in the net. Victoria gets a 28, so Brit is now out! “That fashion show girl is still in the game”, complains Brit. Her “prize” is a “penalty kick”, which means that for the next 24 hours she must get kicked by the apparatus. She obviously trades that with Cody’s veto.

No need to go through the individual scores from here on out. The next round gives Zach the boot, and he wins a trip to Germany. He keeps it, and pleads to all the single hot girls to contact him. The fourth round sees Nicole’s departure from the game, and she “won” a penalty where she has to kick 2400 goals in the next 24 hours. She trades it for Nicole’s veto, who wants to now kick her 2400 times.

It’s now the final round - Victoria versus Caleb. Who would have guessed? Victoria goes first, and kicks it out of the net. Caleb just has to land in the net and he has won. Guess what he does? Yep, he gets a 50. Victoria’s prize is $5,000, which she trades with Nicole for the veto. Caleb then pulls out the Germitard, but instead of trading it for the veto he grabs the five grand from Nicole. Everybody is stunned? “He’s definitely not a team player”, says Donny. “He’s the Dumbo of all Dumbo’s.” Donny couldn’t be more pleased, and he “hopes it’s the Dumbo.”

Victoria is obviously pleased to win the veto, especially since she likes jewelry so much. (Ugh.) Brittany is not as happy. “I just feel really alone in the house.” Cody again mentions blood on his hands, and is furious at Caleb. “He’s looking really good as a replacement.” Nominee, that is, not the seminal band from Minneapolis.

More adverts before we get back to people bitching about Caleb (and another “blood on my hands” comment). Twice, actually. Frankie doesn’t want to put Caleb up, though. “Stick to the plan!”

Downstairs, Amber asks Brit how she’s doing. You know that answer, especially now that she also has this 2400 goal punishment. Zach figures that she just has to get 100 per hour, and puts his face behind the goal as an incentive.

Donny doesn’t want to be a pawn, so he has to actually talk some game. He wants to get Caleb put up, and Zach doesn’t disagree. Donny says that if he’s not put up, he’s just going to get cockier and cockier. Caleb’s “a love struck, Fruit Loop, dingus hooligan”, scream Zach in the diary room. He firmly believes they have the numbers to send him to “Kentucky, where he belongs”.

Back to Brittany, who is taking a little nap as a break. Donny helps her up, and sits with her as she continues to kick. “She was a trooper”, says Donny. A sleeping Cody is also pulled out of bed for another penalty kick, and once more right after he climbs back in bed. “I’m exhausted...I’m completely losing it.” He even does it at one point without the buzzer going off.

Brit has now hit the 2000 mark, and she’s in complete pain. She believes that she’s going to prove that she’s actually a strong person, and Hayden starts screaming encouragement. Cue the anthemic music as she approaches 2400, and everybody screams in excitement when she does hit that final goal.

Back upstairs, though, Zach still wants to see Caleb go home. He has a series of reasons, including the fact that Caleb will go after Cody. Derrick wants Donny to be put up instead to ensure that Brit goes home. “It’s a layup.” All of the Detonators go back and forth on which one to put up.

More adverts before we return to see Donny in a rare visit to the HOH. Donny advises him that he needs to play his own game, and not just do what the others want him to do. What would his family want him to do? “My brother would call me a pussy”, replies Cody. “This is the week for you to drive the line in the sand”, says Donny. “Just do what you need to do. If it’s me, I won’t hold it against you. I’ll hold it against them.” Why, Donny, why would you give him this out? Cody then says he won’t put Donny on the block, and they hug.

Cody walks outside and announces to Frankie and Hayden that he’s putting up Caleb. He still wants Brit evicted, and is ok with Caleb now coming after him. “He fucked me, so he’s going up.” Frankie is pissed, and runs inside to do damage control. He wakes up Derrick to inform him, although they’re interrupted by Amber.Derrick only has minutes to change Cody’s mind.

Derrick tells him that Brit is going to play them, and Caleb will end up going home. Cody says Donny has done nothing to hurt them. Derrick replies that ultimately it’s his choice. We’re missing the “but…” that actually ended that chat.

What will Cody do? We have to sit through three minutes of commercials to find out. Woah, for once there’s actually some drama about what may happen (unless you watch the live feeds, that is). Oh yeah, we get another dumb Team America (Fuck Yeah!) mission. It’s dumb, so I’m going to ignore it. You should do the same.

Victoria is all dolled up to go through the veto ceremony, and somehow she manages to get through the script and poses. Cody says he still has no idea what he’s going to do. Victoria stands and obviously saves herself.

Cody then stands and congratulates Victoria. He says it’s a tough decision, and throws out another “blood on my hands” comment, and ends it by saying he hopes there’s no hard feelings before putting up...Donny.

Donny? Why, Cody, why? Your brother is right! You could have been a hero! What a disaster!

Donny is not happy, but he knows there are “other people involved who are in his ear”. Brit is heartbroken to be sitting next to Donny, but she has to “lie, cheat, or steal” to ensure she stays. Frankie, though, is happy that Cody didn’t go through with his plan to evict Caleb. Too bad for Team America (Fuck Yeah!), which gets a small coda at the end of his diary room comment.

So that’s it! What did you think? Were you hoping for Caleb to go up? Tell me what you think about everything that happened tonight!

 

 

Wednesday
Jul232014

The Night Owl - Tuesday Night 

Tonight started off with a decent amount of potential again.  When I first tuned into the feeds it was mostly Brittany campaigning to people with her "deserve deserve deserve" thing.  Then she asked Zach to come with her to the Hive room so that she could campaign to him.  Zach, being bored and being zach, decided to toy with her a bit and entertain himself, and us in the process.  He started telling her that he didn't think she had all the votes right now, BUT, everyone was probably going to vote based on how other people vote, so really, she should call a house meeting.  The HGs were promised alcohol so Zach told Brittany this would be a big night to make huge moves and what does she really have to lose?  When he got tired of toying with her he went off to tell Cody (who was at the time being saved by Jocasta..from the devil) about what he had done.

Cody, as usual, had ZERO sense of humor about the whole thing and became really angry with Zach for even saying anything to Brittany about the idea of a house meeting. He and Frankie started whining and going off about how this was going to fall on THEM and ruin THEIR games..blah blah blah. Zach continued to look at it as a joke and explain that it really wasn't going to hurt anyone, but Cody and Frankie continued to freak out about it.

At this point all the HGs were getting dressed up and ready to have their date with the booze delivery, and Cody ran downstairs to tell Derrick "we have to get Zach the fuck outta here. He is going to ruin our games."  They had a short discussion once again about the idea of bringing in Hayden instead of Zach before the discussion was busted up.

Zach then came to Derrick and told him what he did..not knowing Cody had already told him, and asked him what he should to.  Derrick told him to just go "spit some knowledge" at Brittany and fix it so that she wouldn't call a house meeting and that it would be fine.

So Zach went and talked to Brittany and told her that he didn't his pushing her to call a hose meeting and having it blow up in her face be the reason she went home.  He told her it could potentially be game suicide to call a meeting like that and would probably be better for her to just go campaign to each person individually.  There..problem solved.  But not really..

Zach then went and talked to Cody and told him he had fixed it.  Cody acted like everything was ok.  Zach told him that he really wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their games and that he felt like now if he went up that Cody was going to vote him out.  Cody told him he was crazy and that there is no way he would ever vote against him.  They had what seemed to be a decent discussion, but in my opinion Cody was lying to him. 

Shortly after that the booze were delivered and everyone gathered for a toast.  The toast was interrupted by Caleb who had been planning a "secret date" with Amber.  Nicole had already tipped Amber off that it was going to happen though.  Caleb made some long winded speech about asking her, and finally Amber replied with "Gah Caleb... FINE!"

So Caleb and Amber went on what was one of the if not THE most awkward dates I've ever seen in my entire life.  Caleb repeated the same stuff he says to her on a daily basis about how God sent her to him and how things are going to be so great for them outside the house. He talked again about how he wants to take her on a cruise and blah blah blah blah.... Amber responded the same way she always does.  She didn't outright say no.  She just sat very far away from him and said things like "Ohh Mahh Gahhh, Caleb!"

After the date was over, Caleb said it was the best date he had ever had...leaving us all wondering what a bad date would be in Caleb's eyes.  He then started telling people he wanted to send someone in production out to buy a ring now.  OMG I just can't with this guy.  It's so ridiculous it's ALMOST entertaining.

Meanwhile everyone else that drinks caught a buzz, Victoria kissed Frankie, Brittany kissed Frankie, and for a while, everyone seemed to be having a pretty good time.

Cut to the HOH room and Cody is LIVID and yelling to Amber (who is supposed to be one of the next targets) and Christine about how he cannot STAND Zach anymore.  He started complaining that Zach told Brittany that he was working with Amber.  Zach never actually said that, but Cody had a fit about it anyway.  Then he started telling Amber and Christine about the "almost" house meeting etc..  He bitched, whined, and complained until Amber was like "Y'all, I think we should backdoor Zach next week.", but that comment was largely ignored and Cody went on complaining  until the feeds switched off of the HOH room.

A little while later Zach and Christine had a hammock talk about Amber and Brittany.  They talked about how annoying it is that Amber won't stop following Cody around, and how no one can talk game with Cody anymore or get any alone time with him because Amber always follows people right to the HOH room or wherever Cody is, and if it's not Amber, it's Brittany.  They talked about how hard it is to hold their tongues around Amber knowing how much she trashes them to other people, and had some general conversation while most of the rest of the house was in the HOH.

At some point Frankie played pool with Caleb and discussed wtih him not trusting anything Zach says.  Caleb then said that Zach will be the first member of the alliance to go, and that he isn't going to make the final five.  Frankie agreed with him, but my hope is that he was just going along with Caleb since as of right now, Caleb is the next target.

A little while later after hours of Amber and Brittany taking turns being superglued to the HOH bed, Derrick and Cody finally got a few minutes to talk alone.  Cody started bitching again immediately about how hard it's been for him to be HOH and how Brittany and Amber are making it SO hard.  They discussed the fact that they think Caleb has to go next/before Amber beucause if Amber goes they think Caleb's rage will be like Brendon was for Rachel and they won't be able to get rid of him.  They also feel like he is more of a threat to them than people like Jocasta or Victoria or Donny.  Then the talk turned to them not minding if Zach got backdoored.  Cody said that obviously no one in the alliance would/could do it (because zach would blow up and expose them) but that they wouldn't mind if it happened to him, and in their goodbye messages they would be happy to tell him that he did it to himself.

That's about it as of now. Everyone seems to be settling down, but then again, these people never sleep, so who knows. I know I want to see Zach win HOH this coming week so that I can stop having mini-heart attacks about him getting ousted over his alliance having no sense of humor.  Nothing has really changed as far as the eviction Thursday.  I still expect to see Brittany be voted out with an 0 votes for her to stay. I am hoping that Caleb doesn't win HOH and that he remains the next target.  I may die of boredom if they evict Zach since he seems to be the only person willing to stir anything up.  I'm calling it a night and hoping these people have a more entertaining day/evening tomorrow.  As always, you guys can follow me @ashes2ashes13 on twitter for more overnight updates. Until tomorrow night...

Tuesday
Jul222014

Mid-July Newbie Perspectives

A full year after seeing (and writing about) Big Brother for the very first time, one thing remains abundantly clear: Ash, Scott, and IndyMike -- not to mention most of you -- have forgotten more about this show than I will probably ever learn.

The basics of the game (terms like HOH, POV, comps, have-nots, twists, etc.), when and why competitions and other weekly events happen, and the logistics of evictions are reasonably clear in my mind now.

Strategy is what still kills me. Most of the time I just. don't. get. it. Until I learn to predict with some accuracy what each house guest will do and be able to look two or three moves ahead in the game, I'll still be writing for the Newbie Desk.

At four weeks into #BB16, a few days before eviction #4, I haven't yet found somebody to root for. Useful analysis about these house guests is something I leave to my fellow Big Brother Gossip contributors ... so, settle in for some pre-midweek-show filler in the form of my random thoughts about all the remaining house guests. Hey, don't complain -- you're probably supposed to be working right now.

Amber. The way she handled Caleb's unrequited like (I don't think Caleb is mature enough to grasp genuine adult-level love in which you put the other person's needs before your own) a couple weeks ago was decent. Not Amber's fault that her words bounced off of him. Game-wise, after being more or less accidentally recruited into the Bomb Squad alliance (when Devin invited her without permission), I can't remember her doing much to make me think there's any chance she'll get to the finale. Her budding friend-mance with Cody (despite Caleb's evil-eye) might keep her safe longer than she would on her own.

Brittany campaigning -- er, complainingBrittany. Propz to Brittany for completing her 2400-goal punishment in about 21 hours even if it only earned her sore feet and did nothing to prevent her likely eviction this week. IndyMike pointed out to me at lunch yesterday that her strategy was for sh!t. She could have intentionally given up on the 2400-in-24-hours thing by saying her feet hurt too much to continue, which would have meant being ineligible to play in next week's POV comp ... and basically honestly campaigned that she might not recover in time to be a factor in this week's HOH comp. Voila! Not a threat next week. Would that have taken the target off her back ... or at least affected who they chose to put on the block in place of Victoria? Maybe not, but Brittany might at least have looked smarter. (It feels like I'm missing something else here about Britt's strategy-fail. Hit the comments to fix my analysis-fail.)

Caleb. Simply put, he annoys me. Dude, the girl just isn't into you. She tried to let you down easy. Now you stare at her like a jealous 14-year-old. And do you seriously think that they'll need extra security at airports, restaurants, and shopping malls to keep crowds of adoring fans from crushing you? It doesn't happen even for previous winners, and it sure as hell won't happen when you're the 5th or 6th evictee (I hope! I hope!). Grow up, and live in the now! The Bomb Squad has been defused. Oh, and #STFUCaleb!

Christine. There's something non-sequitur about this one. I can't quite reconcile Christine's ink with her glasses. I know this makes little sense, but there it is. If Christine hadn't also been accidentally brought into the Bomb Squad, would she have been targeted by now? On the other hand, she's found her way to stable ground right in the middle of the crowd, safe for now via the Detonators and (mostly) on good terms with orbiting weaker players (such as Nicole). Isn't this the kind of house guest who slips her way into the finale, because there are always "stronger players" they want to get rid of first?

Cody (right) laments being a wussy (or word which rhymes with that) to Nicole & FrankieCody. One of the two guys running the house, and a member of every alliance they've created. (He's not in Team America -- but that's a stupid producer construct, not a real alliance.) Cody seemed genuinely ashamed on Monday morning when, as HOH, he put Donny on the block as the replacement nominee only an hour after agreeing that nominating Caleb would have been a brave, huge move. If Brittany leaving is somehow better for Cody's game (I don't remember why, but remembering what I had for breakfast is also challenging), all right, fine, but making a gutsy move would have earned him more respect.

Derrick. This guy is an outstanding game analyst, strategist, and manipulator, and it's basically his house. My guess is he'll be around until the end, or close to it. I doubt that a strategic mistake on Derrick's part will result in eviction, but simply being on the unlucky end of chance-based competitions late in the game could set up his downfall. Or if by some twist his allies-to-enemies ratio has evened out later this season and an enemy wins HOH in a double-eviction episode, he could be the unlucky second Julie Chen interview that particular Thursday night. If bad luck doesn't get him first, Derrick's skills will take him far. I'm not actively rooting for him yet, but at this point it wouldn't bother me if he wins #BB16.

Donny. Confession: I'm slightly older than Donny and frequently about as awkward when trying to interact with people half my age. So I should naturally want to root for this guy. But ... ugh ... I just haven't been able to. At least not yet. Early on, I thought he'd be perceived as so out of touch and so useless that he'd be evicted in the first two or three weeks. But then Victoria earned that role and Donny started winning comp after comp. I think that earned him some respect amongst the youngsters. And while they clearly do not see him as a threat to their own games, they like him on a personal level and feel badly when he's pawn'd so much. I can see myself eventually rooting for Donny if he survives long enough. For now, I dislike other players more.

Frankie. When the two-part season premiere aired, I was convinced that Frankie would be the most annoying cast member of all. Most of his diary room sessions drive me bonkers. But the way he interacts with just about everybody on the live feeds seems friendly and genuine. Great social game! I haven't watched any of his YouTube videos. Are his DR sessions simply scripted lines the producers provide on cue cards, performed in his fingers-on-a-chalkboard over-the-top manner per producer directive? Or is that how Frankie is every time he knows he has any camera's full attention?

Hayden. Meh. His whole "Mommy, I want candy! Pleeeease? Can I have candy? Candy, Mom? Pleeeeease?" approach to starting a showmance with Nicole is excruciating. I was astonished in the early weeks at Hayden's cluelessness that all the other jocks had formed an alliance (Bomb Squad) without him.

Jocasta. Like Donny, it feels like I should want to root for Jocasta. But I've been waiting to be inspired by an expression of her learned wisdom. It hasn't happened, and now I don't expect it to. And some of her ... oh, goodness, somebody might be offended by this, and that's totally not my intent ... let's say some of her "spiritual mannerisms" serve only to test my faith in Big Brother. (If you watched this past Sunday episode on CBS, you know of what I'm talking.) Common belief is that God cares about our health and happiness, but nobody can name the biblical chapter and verse which says prayer will help you win a Battle of the Block.

Nicole. She was HOH before being dethroned but didn't want it even that long. If you don't want to get in the game, why did you move into this house? She's the sweet, pleasant, girl-next-door type, but she's not gonna last much longer unless she gets a solid alliance going with the strongest women (how about, say, Christine and Amber) and a strong guy player (who would at first feign loyalty but, if the game drove him to it, could eventually switch true allegiance). This is likely just wishful thinking on my part because I'd like to see a woman win. If the flirtation with Hayden lasts longer than that first made-for-TV kiss (if the producers are so desperate for a showmance, they should have stunt-casted McCranda back), she'll have lost my respect.

This photo of Nicole's broccoli and potato has nothing to do with the game. So it could as easily be a pic of Victoria.Victoria. When Victoria is evicted, which will be soon (and would have been this week, if not for the so-typical Big Brother just-in-time competition win), I hope this young woman gets the psychotherapy that she needs. Her low self-esteem is evident and painful to watch. I feel badly for her. Game-wise, rather than doing something (anything!) proactive to attempt to influence her own destiny, Victoria stays as far away from the sun as possible, way out there in a plutonian orbit. When the heat finally reaches her, is it any wonder that she finds it unpleasant? Dry your tears, dear, admit this game wasn't for you, tell everybody that leaving is what you want, and then you'll have 11 new friends and great new memories of a fun last few conflict-free days in the house. (It'll be boring for chaos-loving live feeders like we all are, but it'll be really good for Victoria's mental health.)

Zach. I'm not a doctor (and I don't play one on TV), but this kid seems kind of bipolar. One of these weeks when he's perfectly safe, he'll go on another unplanned, unexpected "put me up!" rant and be shocked to find himself evicted.

Wild, probably laughably stupid prediction at four weeks in:  Derrick, Christine, and Frankie will become #BB16's final three.

Astonished by how much I haven't learned in a year? Me too, but it's still just a TV show. Tell me the many ways I got it wrong in the comments or at @uselesstraffic. Who do you think will be in the finale? Is it the same people you'd have guessed a month ago?