Big Brother #14, Episode 23 Recap (Sort Of)

Call it the holiday blues. Call it laziness. Call it what you like, but I decided against my usual 10,000 word recap tonight. I knew the format of tonight's show would match every other endurance Sunday episode, and the appearance of Grodner's human dildo, Jessie, was not reason enough to sit through and transcribe. Plus, I've had visions all day of a beautiful woman partying in New Orleans, wearing little more than a sexy tank top.

I did watch, though, and had some fun tweeting my usual absurdist silliness. I hearby treat you to some of my reactions from this long, long hour.

7:57 Instead of All-Stars, they should have an ultimate losers season. Can you imagine an endurance where Joe & Kathy pin a tail on a donkey?

7:59 We could have a comp where Ian, Danielle, and Cowboy have to make the goofiest faces in the mirror.

8:00 After last night, though, we do know one contest where Joe would excel...but it would have to be on Showtime.

8:00 Maybe Joe, Ian, and Brendon could have a Skype self-pleasure contest! #AllStarLosersSeason

8:02 So the show starts tonight with dummy#1, dummy#2, and dummy#3....with a drunk, twitching idiot#4.

8:03 And a self-important, "Christian" douchebag.

8:04 Cue Dan screaming the instructions in the diary room any second now...

8:04 Oh Jenn, you have yet to make a big move and you have yet to be a "big target".

8:05 Wait, is this a loop? Joe and Jenn aren't down yet?

8:05 Ian's growing self-importance is the funniest thing about this season.

8:06 And there is the screaming. *WhereIsTheMuteButton?

8:07 Joe, not only are your four kids laughing at you but all of America is

8:07 I'm sorry, the Hula Hoop "punishment" was no punishment, and Joe loved every fucking second of the attention. #GuaranteedScreenTime

8:08 Good thing precious Danielle wasn't bruised by the "comet"

8:08 Oh look, there's goes the "big target" Jenn.

8:09 What we learned tonight - giant red penises are kryptonite to Brooklyn lesbians.

8:10 Dan, can you scream the obvious just a little bit louder? I missed it the first five times.

8:11 Shane sure loves hitting the penis comet.

8:11 So Danielle is completely made up for the comp, but is in the diary room showing every blemish. #DumbTwit

8:12 Dammit, CBS, why no Danielle puke footage??

8:12 Dan was up 42 minutes - I had predicted 45.

8:17 It amazes me that they stretch out these boring endurance comps to almost a full half hour of broadcast time.

8:22 So the new rule is that breaking alliances is ok if you "like" the new people more Interesting.

8:27 Oh look, the only two people who didn't think Frank was going up. #JoeAndFrankAreClueless

8:28 Now this "girlfriend" convo is by far Jenn's BEST MOMENT OF THE SEASON!!!! You go girl!!!

8:28 Hmmm, Danielle is actually all made up and busty for the Shane diary room convo???

8:28 Ian's HOH reveal. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

8:30 Danielle's only thought about Ian's HOH is "where are the Cheetos?"

8:31 So all the Dan fans saying that he didn't have a F2 deal with Frank, he himself has said it at least 3 times tonight.

8:32 Fuck the Quack Pack.

8:32 Poor Joe had to stop jerking off to do his dumb hula hoop shit.

8:33 You know when the season is over Danielle is going to be pissed they didn't show her in the hula hoop.

8:35 Ding Ding Ding Ian!!! He can't play HOH next week. Your idiot Quackers would have a better chance at winning HOH

8:40 Oh come on, like Mr. BB WIki would even consider NOT opening Pandora.

8:42 Even on the scale of Jessie appearances, this is easily the worst Pandora ever. zzzzzz

8:43 Who wants Jessie's dick more - Grodner, Danielle, or Shane???

8:44 This segment would have been better if chip-chomper Britney had still been there.

8:45 Yes, Dan, scream that same theme to us one more time. We may have forgotten since ten minutes ago.

8:46 Dan's "It's kind of your call", which means "here's what I am commanding you to do".

8:47 This season is such a disaster that I actually want that delusional twit Danielle to win.

8:54 Oh come on, Ian, this is not the "difficult decision" the scriptwriters want us to believe.

8:55 Danielle clearly remembered that this is guaranteed camera time, as her tits are busting out of that shirt.

8:56 Ian, quit lying. Jenn has NOT played a "remarkable social game" this season. She's been invisible!

8:56 Ugh..."quack quack". Shut it, Ian.

8:57 Oh Jenn, I now laugh at your diary room segments as much as I do Dan and Joe's.

Just Another Night...The Night Owl

So if you listened to the show last night, you already know all about the veto and results.  If you didn't listen, here is basically what happened:

Everyone played veto except for Shane who hosted.  It was the Otev competition *yawn*.  Dan won.  Apparently Jenn and Frank did really well, but Dan took them out in the end.  After the veto comp, Dan immediately went to work on Ian making sure that it was okay that he use the veto on Jenn.  He then went down and talked to Jenn about pulling her off and who she would want to vote out etc..   It looks like as of now he will be using the veto on her, Joe will be going up, and Frank will be going home.

after that...there was literally no game talk at all.  the house guests got alcohol tonight and I was hoping that would liven things up, but alas, it did not.  There were many hours wasted talking about whether or not Danielle and Shane were going to sleep in the same bed.  I'm not kidding.  Danielle just could not let the subject go.  She went on and on in her passive aggressive way "I can't sleep with someone who doesn't want to sleep with me ya'll.  If he says he wants to then we will.".  I lost count of how many times she brought this up and talked about it.  In between doing this, she rolled her hips, hula hooped, chased Shane around the backyard, did gymnastics, and just about anything else that would keep the attention on her and bore the ever living shit out of the rest of us.

Ian talked about pokemon for a while and tried to hula hoop.  He was actually really good with the hula hoop, but Danielle couldn't handle someone being able to do it since she can't, so every time he tried to do it she would literally cartwheel right into him.  I'm not kidding about that either. Flash back and watch it...or don't..it's not really worth it. 

Danielle and Joe told parallel lies to Frank about how Janelle was forever talking about how Frank was in love with her and how she thought he was obsessed with her etc..  I only ever heard Janelle even elude to Frank being attracted to her one time, so I think most of this was exaggeration, but it got Frank all riled up and he screamed about it at the top of his decibels for a good log while. 

Danielle called out Joe for wacking off in the have not room.  At first Joe denied it, but eventually gave in and said "I thought you guys were sleeping".  This then turned into a discussion about how he did it and how he cleaned up.  I will spare you the details.  lol  good ole Eagle Eye Joe.

It's 4am and that's all that has happened tonight.  Again, they are all still awake, but I am giving up on them for the night.  If anything crazy or interesting happens I will be sure to run back and update you all, but I don't see anything truly interesting happening again until maybe Monday when the POV is used.  Even then it might not be all that great since everyone is pretty much expecting it. We shall see...

Big Brother Gossip Show #26: Color Me Impressed

Hot damn, we have a lot of material to get through tonight. Besides commenting on Dan's "funeral", which kicked off at the end of last week's recording session, we deal with the departure of Britney, an endurance HOH competition, the return of Jessie in a Pandora's Box twist, and the breaking veto competition results! Unfortunately, Karen was not with us tonight as she had a throat ailment. Somehow this episode still managed to be the longest of the season so far!

As always, there are tons of ways to listen to this show, so here are the instructions. You can stream it via Scott's Android/iPhone app, The Ledge, or via Stitcher (http://www.stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=16875). You can also subscribe via iTunes (http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/big-brother-gossip-mp3/id502746488), and if you do please leave us a review. Finally, there's also a feedburner site -http://feeds.feedburner.com/bigbrothergossip - that links you to a number of different methods to subscribe. 

Finally, for a direct stream or download, please click...

--->HERE<----

Thanks to Mike, Colette, and Ash for their help in putting together this episode. Now go listen!!!

The Night Owl

Nothing happened.  I mean somewhere in the world I'm sure paint dried, and bugs flew, and birds sang...babies were born..  but in the BB house, not so much.

Very early in the night after the nominations of Frank and Jenn, we got trivia again and they pulled names for the veto comp.  Everyone is playing except Shane who is hosting. The house guests and most of us watching jumped to the natural conclusion that there would likely be a night time veto since normally they pull the names Saturday morning or afternoon.  So they all decidd to do this:

Everyone slept for a LONG time and through most of BBAD.  Finally it turned out that they were just restocking the house with all the "Jessie approved" food from the Pandora's Box punishment.  Danielle says they told her in the DR that there was no night time comp and no fast forward this week.  Now of course I doubt her credibility...I mean all the HGs have been speculating about FF weeks for weeks now and they never tell them anything, BUT, it appears there actually is no comp.

Once they all woke up with about an hour left of BBAD,  they did nothing but sit and play with Ian's new blocks and complain about havnig to eat healthy food for the rest of the week.  Danielle literally whined about this for several hours.  BB finally gave them some alcohol but even that didn't help.  Outside of Joe consistantly talking about Danielle's breasts and telling her she may have to put on a different shirt since he is drinking...nothing was out of the ordinary or even remotely interesting.

There was about 2 seconds of game talk between Dan and Danielle where Dan told her that his dream final 3 would be the 2 of them vs Jenn, but then they broke up the convo and Dan stayed alone to think while Danielle ran to Shane and invented new guys at home that love her and that have strange diseases.

That's about it.  I'm calling it a night.  They are all still awake, but they are just eating and playing with blocks.  I can only do so much boredom and there are at least a few of these nights every season.  I will jump on and update if anything gets interesting. 

I am expecting there will probably be an early veto comp in the morning since they drew names the night before.  Everything this week really depends on veto since if one fo the 2 noms come down Joe will most likely go up, and Ian and everyone else for the most part are still completely unclear on who they are wanting to vote out.  Sometimes they want to keep Frank and sometimes Jenn and sometimes they are hoping Joe goes up so they can vote him out.  It's all very up in the air.  We shall see what veto brings.

Update on Saturday, September 1, 2012 at 3:07AM by Ash

Update:

Ian and Dan talked for several hours upstairs about game.  They ran through things like "What are Ian's hesitations to being in the "renegades" with Dan" and also talked about how they thought people in the house would be perceived by the public.  Ian believes his 9/11 statement to Jenn may have made TMZ.  Dan guaranteed him that it didn't.  They ran through scenarios of each person who could win veto and what if they pulled someone off the block etc..  Ian told Dan that the only way he would go up would be if Joe won the veto and pulled Jenn or Frank off, but that he wouldn't be going anywhere even if that happened. 

Meanwhile, downstairs Shane, Danielle, and Joe did some dance lessons for Joe for a while. They taught him how to Soldier Boy dance and how to roll his hips...kinda.  Then they all went off and chatted in the bedroom for a bit.  The irony of the situation being that upstairs Ian and Dan were talking about people coming off as offensive or saying offensive things, while downstairs Shane was kind of digging his own grave making borderline offensive comments.  I sort of expect those things out of Joe, but I was a little surprised by Shane.  Nothing too terrible, but he definitely needs to watch it.

Dan eventuallly left the HOH and went to bed, but at the end of the conversation Ian was sounding more and more like he wanted to make a final 2 deal with Dan.  He admitted to his final 2 with Britney and then spent a good while talking about how the reason he nominated the people he nominated was for her and how she was sooo smart at the game etc..  I disagree..but I digress... 

That's pretty much it. G'night

Who Am I Even Rooting For?...The Night Owl

Soo the night started out with the potential for some fun.  Britney went home and we all knew the endurance comp was coming.  We just didn't know what it would be or if anyone would actually fight for it.  It was the stand up on a rope and spin comp that they have rehashed a million times, and before the CBS broadcast was even over, Joe and Jenn had fallen off.  30 minutes into the comp it was just Dan, Danielle, Ian, and Shane.  Danielle came off to go puke in a trash bag, and a few minutes later Dan came off as well.  As Danielle continued to puke into a trash can and Dan struggled with his own motion sicknes (the one time I don't think he was faking..he had the same problem with comps in season 10)  Ian and Shane started to battle it out.  They actually stayed on for another hour or so before asking for some time to talk.  Shane asked if Ian would keep he and Danielle safe with no option to backdoor and Ian said yes, that he was with the Quack Pack all the way.  Shane got down and Ian became the new HOH.

Being the first one off, Joe got a punishment requiring him to hula hoop every time the boot camp horn sounds for the next 24 hours.  I won't spend much time on this since there isn't much to say about it and it will most likely be covered to death in the next CBS show.

While Joe does several of his hula hoop tasks everyone else lays around discussing the after effects of the endurance comp and waiting on the HOH reveal.

Earlier in the evening there was a discussion between Jenn and Danielle where Jenn told Danielle she was pretty sure she was going on the block up against Frank (she is probably right), but Danielle told her that she was sure it would be Joe going up and then went into some BS story that I don't think ever happened about how Ian told her that he was after Joe and not Jenn.

Time for Ian's HOH reveal.  Nothing outside of the typical there.  Letter, Artic Monkey's CD, food, people upstairs kissign ass...blah blah blah

Ian doesn't let anyone linger in the HOH for too long. After a few minutes he says "I am bored, let's go downstairs" and rushes everyone out of the room claiming this is the most boring part of the week for him and he doesn't want people to be bored.

Everyone hangs out at the table downstairs for a bit.  There is even an alcohol delivery, but no one wants to drink.  Everyone talks about how they are tired and still spinning. A few people try to go to bed, but BB calls Frank into the storage room and tells him to tell the house guests not to go to bed yet because they need to get DRs in before they go to sleep.

Danielle cornered Frank in the bathroom for a while and went on and on about her motion sickness and how it had never been so bad before and how she would have won if not for her motion sickness and went into detail about each feeling and taste she was having as she vomited.  I don't know whether this girl is highly entertaining or the most annoying person I've ever watched. lol

Ian eventually retired to his HOH room and Joe followed him up shortly after. As soon as Joe entered the room, Ian told him "No worries, your key is coming out of the box tomorrow"  Big brother came over the loud speaker three times with the announcement "Ian, this is a warning, you are not allowed to discuss your nominations with other house guests".  There was no punishment or anything that followed. They just warned him several times.

Ian was clear before the comp even started tonight that he wants to put up Frank and Jenn with Frank to go unless he wins veto and then Jenn to go if Frank comes off the block. I don't expect to see anything different.

Danielle, Dan, and Shane spent a good while in the bathroom area speculating about who they think Ian will put up and they all agree that he is putting up Jenn and Frank, but they are worried that Frank will be able to get into his head with his way with words. They solidify that the Quack Pack is still together and that they don't think any of the rest of them will get picked off if they stick together.  I'm not sure how much of this is just Dan and Danielle blowing smoke up Shane's ass and how much of it is real. It will depend on later conversations when it's just Dan and Danielle talking.

While the three downstairs were talking, Frank went upstairs to pitch to Ian reasons why he shouldn't go up. At first Ian seems to be very set on avenging Britney and getting rid of Frank, but he covers his bases with Frank and discusses with him the idea of taking him to the final 2 if he keeps him around.  After a while Ian tells Frank he does want to work with him but he needs to think over how to do it and how to go about it. He tells him he wants him to stay this week and would rather get rid of people who "don't deserve to be here".  So help me if Ian wastes another HOH on someone.....

Regardless of the actual chats, I definitely expect to see Frank and Jenn go up.  It would surprise me a lot if they don't.   The sad part of it is that Frank will most likely win veto, Joe will go on the block, and Ian will waste another HOH.

That's where it stands folks...we shall see how it plays out tomorrow.

WARNING...the following is a personal rant having nothing to do with what happened overnight:

So, at this point in the season here's the thing guys... I have NO idea who I am even rooting for.  At the beginning I had very clear favorites and people I could and couldn't tolerate watching, but the past few weeks I have been flip flopping.  Some of the people I loved are gone and some of them are just not holding up very well in the game.  I still love Jenn to death and would love to see her go far, but in order to do that you need to win comps..and she hasn't been.  I want to root for her because I like her, but I realize that I love BB and strategy just too much to root for someone who isn't making the wins or playing with the strong strategy that it takes to get to the end.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think Jenn's move to take Dan off the block was nearly as stupid for her as people think it was.  I think she went from being the lowest man on the totem poll in an alliance of 5 and sometimes 6, to only having to worry about Ian getting HOH.  She also may have herself covered this week by using that veto.  Dan and Danielle are already kind of fighting to keep her in the house. Dan has said to Danielle and Shane that he doesn't want Jenn  going home, that she is smart and that even for her lack of winning comps, she is great with the social game and very loyal to the people who have her back.  I think keeping Dan in the game is a STUPID move for most people, because he will win the whole damn thing, but I think for her personal game...it wasn't so bad.  It may have bought her some extra time. But whatever...she needs to win some comps to get me back on board with her game play.  She is still my favorite person to currently watch though.

Then there is everyone else.  I don't hate Dan like a lot of people do. He is a good game player and he pulled off some crazy magic this past week to keep himself in the house, but I just can't be team vet.  I want them all out. I want someone who has never won or played the game before to win, and to be honest..for all that he doesn't annoy me, I would like for him to go next. 

I can't take Danielle..I can barely watch her much less root for her. That's all I have to say about her.

  I don't care for Shane either..he can win some physical comps yes, but he has no comprehension of the game. His social game sucks, and he just doesn't stand out to me as being all that impressive. 

Frank drives me nuts. His ego is out of control, and again you have someone who can win a bunch of comps, but is completely lacking in social ability other than manipulation.  Maybe it's just the hair and the fact that he always looks unshowered.  Maybe it's the fact that he sounds like my crazy ex step father when he yells, but for whatever reason..I just can't like him. I've tried to like him. I've tried to reason with myself and tell myself that he wins a lot of competitions and that maybe he should be the winner.  I just can't make myself believe it.

So now we come to Ian..Oh Ian..  I was rooting for Ian so hard when he first entered the house.  He is one of us. He is a live feeder and a watcher of the game. I wanted him to be SO good at this game...and then he sort of fell flat for me.  He crawled up Britney and Dan's asses and started to live there.  He also makes really wrong statements about past seasons of Big Brother and his predictions about what comps are going to happen and how things will work are almost always wrong.  There is also this hint of unwarranted arrogance that drives me nuts.  When he could have made a huge move in the game he got rid of Ashley.  However, I was actually kind of happy to see him get HOH tonight.  I'm not going to lie..I think I am kind of back on board with team Ian.  I'm not sure why yet.  Maybe he just annoys me the least at the current moment in time.  The problem is that I think he is going to waste another HOH and then he will have gotten out Ashley and either Jenn or Joe..not that impressive really.  He gets super caught up in this "who deserves to be here" thing instead of looking at who it would be better to keep around strategically.

Am I team Ian?  Am I rooting for anyone?  All I really know is that I want Dan and Frank to go.  That is the one thing I know for certain.  Dan because he is a vet and Frank because I just can't handle another Frank HOH.   Maybe I will have more concrete ideas about who I am pulling for tomorrow after Ian makes his nominations and I see where people stand.

If you made it through this entire wobbling rant, thanks!  What do you all think?