April Tells Ollie Her Secrets

Not surprising, but April has slept with some professional athletes. She also recently had a DUI, and drives with a breathalyzer attachment.

Ollie's big sin is that he has slept with a married woman. This confession leads to a fight, because April is perfect.

April's Been In A Movie

We've already heard about Michelle and Keesha's supposed movie career, but April is now using her exploits to "prove" how down to earth she is. She's been in a blockbuster movie that "everybody" has seen; has been in a seven-page spread in a sports magazine; and has done a ton of commercials. Plus, she's now the star of the "best season ever" of Big Brother. And who knows, "P. Diddy may be a huge fan". I can't wait until she's out of the house and learns the truth.

"We Could Go Back To The Back Side"

Um April, we already know you like it that way. Why does she continue to set me up like that? So, the brain thrust's great idea is to bring Libra into the new version of the top-secret super gigantic alliance. April believes they'll again be anonymous since Libra is a "giant target". How dare she make fun of Libra's weight like that. They're way too proud of themselves.

Conversations With April

If you ever see April on the feeds or Showtime, there's no reason not to mute. Just refer back to this post, as this is EVERY conversation that she has with Ollie (outside of demanding where Ollie deposits some bodily fluids):

April: OMG, can you believe Keesha is such a bitch?

Ollie: Mmmm-hmmmm.

April: I've been nothing but sweet to that bitch. I don't deserve to be treated this way.

Ollie: I know, April.

April: She's friends with Memphis just to piss me off. He shouldn't be here. He already won a three million dollar car.

Ollie: Mmm-hmmmm.

April: I'm tired of being stabbed in the back by everybody. I swear I'm the most caring person in this house.

Ollie: You are, April.

April: I bet Keesha has never had to work a day in her pathetic life. You know I work at least an hour a day, and it's sooooooo hard.

Ollie: Mmmm-hmmm.

April: I've never said anything bad about anybody in this house, especially that stupid bitch and those other pathetic morons.

Ollie: I know, April.

April: Even Jerry. Yesterday, I saw him say hi to her. Talk about a slap to my face.

Ollie: Yep.

April: Even you, Ollie. I see the way you look at her when her fat ass is hanging out of her bikini. God, it's just pathetic the way she struts her body around here. At least I wear classy heels.

Ollie: I'm sorry, baby.

April: And why the fuck were you flirting with that cow Janelle? Sometimes you disgust me.

Ollie: It's not my fault she was talking to me. I'm sorry.

April: And then Libra wasn't even thankful that I made her a birthday cake. She knows I hate her, but I'm so wonderful that I set that aside and tried to give her a special treat.

Ollie: You did, April.

April: I've had it harder in this house than anybody. It's so hard to save everybody every single week, and then they treat me like that?

Ollie: They're just jealous of you, April.

April: America knows how wonderful I am. They know that I'm a beautiful, caring person who puts everybody's happiness before my own. Do you think CBS will air our wedding?

Ollie: Mmm-hmmm...wait a second!

April: Can you imagine how perfect it will be?

Ollie: What did you just say?

April: Are you ready for bed?

Ollie: Yeah, let's go.

Is There Ever a Time When A Hen Isn't Painting Her Nails?

They used to complain about Angie and the rest doing nothing but sitting outside, but don't the hens spend 90% of their time lying around the bedrooms painting their nails?