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Entries in Ashley (38)

Monday
Jul162012

The Worst Porno Ever!

Many, many years ago, a good friend of mine claimed that Showtime and other movie channels routinely broadcasted pornography late at night. Obviously, a clean living, moral person like myself would never know about these things. Pornography? Naked people sticking body parts into each other? No, I would never knowingly view something like that. Give me wholesome entertainment while I wolf down some cookies and milk.

Last night, though, I believe I watched some sort of edited porno. I’m talking really edited; almost fit for a child. I thought I had tuned into Big Brother After Dark, but there’s no way this could be possible.

When I turned to that channel, I witnessed a couple of floozies helping some young bimbo with outdated hair squeeze herself into an extremely tight dress that featured a super lowcut top and a bottom that barely covered her bum. There’s no way this trailer trash Farrah Fawcett could fit a pair of panties under this ensemble, and clearly there was no bra as half of that part of her body was in clear view.

It also seemed obvious that I had probably tuned in a bit late, as surely this prep scene occurred right after the three bimbos did whatever it is that girls do in one of THOSE types of movies. I shuddered in disgust at the sins that must have been broadcast into millions of homes across the country. Children could have been tempted to turn away from their faith!

After a long period of primping and adjustments, this would-be Ginger Lynn was greeted by a silly young boy who somehow combined the characteristics of Urkel, Barney Fife, Bud Bundy, and Harry Reems (minus the moustache). Oh, I get it now – this is one of those deflowering porns that I’ve heard about where the young boy has his innocence stolen by an older hussy.

As they moved into another room, I was definitely convinced that this is one of those “special” movies. Given the cheap exterior of the shot, it just HAD to be true! Cheap, tacky furniture in a room whose walls appear to be connected via Elmer’s Glue gave it the look of a small town community playhouse. Certainly one bad move would cause the entire set to fall over. Plus, you could even see their microphones!

Yet, I kept watching, partly out of curiosity and partly because I had this weird stirring in my pants. These two would-be stars didn’t make it easy, though. Sure, the lines they had to deliver were cringe-inducing, particularly when the bimbo asked “is that graphite in your pocket or are you just happy to see me”, but her “skills” in delivering these lines made the Kardashians look like Oscar winners.

It didn’t take long before I was almost begging for them to actually get to the dirty part of the movie, yet it never came (nor did they). The dork kept babbling, and the bimbo kept the double entendres coming, but not an article of clothing was shed.

Then suddenly, out of the blue the movie jumped to different people! What the hell? So they really do edit the sex out of pornos on this channel? Now on my screen was a steroid-pumped midget lying spent in bed, talking to an exhausted, disheveled young blonde with messy hair and wandering eyes. There’s no doubt what had just happened in this scene, which means this movie completely cut out not one but TWO sex scenes in a row!

Like the previous scene, these two porn sluts wasted my time by babbling away before being joined by a gay version of The Lemonheads’ Evan Dando. Wait, not only is this a porno but it’s a gay porn? I better call my Congressman!

I couldn’t bear to witness any more of this debauchery, so I turned off my television, threw up, and then prayed for the next hour. Yet something drove me back to my television, and when I turned it back on the steroid boy had yet another girl sleeping in his bed! Clearly, I had again missed the dirty parts, so I turned it off only to find he was with that bimbo from the first scene a little bit later!!!

I feel so dirty today, but thankfully this terrible movie was edited for television. I can’t even imagine how disgusted I’d feel if they hadn’t cut these scenes. What happened to Big Brother After Dark, though? Was it cancelled? I may have to tune in again tonight to find out if this is a recurring issue. Yeah, that’s the reason I’ll tune in.

Saturday
Jul072012

Video Interviews to Munch On. Mentor Update

Here are the only video interviews out there that we can embed on the site (thanks Big Brother Network!). I've watched most of these and all of the interviews on Superpass. Zapt2it and We Love Big Brother also have video interviews.

Between all of those you should have HG overload. Before the videos here are a couple other things to note. There is a 'poll' on CBS hat seems to imply it will reveal the 4 mentors - 16 alum are pictured and so far two have been eliminated (Natalie and Evel Dick).

With the exception of BB 3/7 Danielle Reyes, all the other HGs we thought might be going back are there including Rachel. But Rachel was on Superpass Rumor Control last night and says she isn't going back. That leave Janelle, Dani (BB8/13), Renny and Britney as possible women and the odds on favorites by everyone is Janelle and Britney.  I would love to see Brit back in the house, and I know some say she wasn't that 'good' of a player. Whatever - I liked her, she made me laugh and was VERY easy on the eyes - so I say bring her back! So I'd say Janelle, Britney, Dan and Boogie seem to be a lock. If it changes we'll let you know!

Here are the videos with a tiny thought from me before each one.

 

Ashley Iocco - She is either going to be a train wreck or awesome - or an awesome train wreck. Claims to be a BB fan from way back and also says she has watched the feeds. I don't think it will matter, she'll forget about the cameras as soon as she is in the house.

 

Danielle Murphree - "Southern Belle" comes to mind and her accent is a thick one. I can see myself hating her - and I don't want to so I'm hoping I am wrong. Eye candy for sure - seems to know a bit about Big Brother but not sure how much if any of the feeds she has seen.

 

Frank Eudy - Son of WWE wrestler - has been trying out for BB for several seasons so not sure if he was initially recruited or is a long time fan.

 

Ian Terry - Superfan - he knows it all - not that that means he will be a good player. Might have a photographic memory - hmmmm.

 

Joe Arvin - no clue - really over the top in the online videos you can find out there.

 

Jodi Rollins - Superfan as well - she knows a lot about BB - she ISN'T a Kalia clone as far as I can tell. Might last longer than Ian. The two together might be a force.

 

Jojo Spatafora - Admits she hadn't seen BB before she was cast. I relly wonder if she doesn't have a connection with Jenn (next).

 

Jenn Arroyo - was contacted by BB and asked to apply after she left a birthday message on a friends facebook page. So like JoJo (who deleted her facebook account - hmm) she knew nothing about BB before applying.

 

Kara Monaco - might be really lame. The interviews I have seen of her have been bland. She doesn't give very long answers and don't think she knew much about BB before being cast.

 

Shane Meaney - He may say he is a house flipper but his twitter account is all about his modeling and physical training. He is clueless about BB - obviously 'cast.'

 

Wil Heuser - "Forgot" BB was on before applying. He might be fun to watch but obviously he only knows the TV part of the game.

 

Willie Hantz - We all know he's Russel's brother by now right? I think the whole house will be the time the feeds kick in next Thursday.

Tuesday
Aug182009

JORDAN IS A HO?

This dumb bitch Lydia.

Calling Jordan a whore during the week's 2nd HOH competition.

AREN'T YOU CRYING OVER JESSIE? WOULDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING TO GET JESSIE BACK? AREN'T YOU JESSIE'S PUPPET?

Go home.

I can't wait for Scott's episode update on this idiot.

Thursday
Jul302009

Feeds back!


Natalie is also down. Russell is the most vocal, it seems. He wants to swing, get wet, and get beat by the diploma.
The contraption is back to swinging and water is falling. Cams are on Russell, Michele, and Chima.
Oh, and off the feeds go.
And they're back.