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Entries in big brother 15 (73)

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Nick

Nick Uhas, 28

Hometown: Hilliard, N.Y. 

Current City: New York, N.Y. 

Entrepreneur 

Before we start this video, I have to admit I’ve heard a lot about this clown. He’s already been the talk of twitterville, and one source told Big Brother Gossip co-host Colette Lala that he’s been a pain in the ass during these days leading up to the show. I’m bound to not like him already, so keep that in mind while reading whatever follows this paragraph.

He’s another of those that is over the top in his hand movements and head bobbing while talking. Seriously, dude, not everything you say is that impressive or dramatic. Settle down, Beavis.

He’s a cocky son of a bitch, that’s for sure. He believes that every story he tells is the greatest thing ever, and, of course, every girl who meets him becomes obsessed with him. At least he doesn’t want to have a showmance, but he’s such a catch that he probably won’t be able to catch himself. “It could go down that way, dude.” Ugh.

Gross, as I’m trying to skim through this, he just used the term “dude, bro”. I’m going to hate this fucktard. Hate, hate, hate. Within five minutes, his voice becomes similar to Charlie Brown’s teacher. Blah blah blah blah blah. I do hear him claim to be a “mega super fan”, and he claims to have seen even the first seasons, but I have my doubts. For fuck sake, he claims last year was his favorite season! Nobody thinks that! Nobody! Last year was a fucking disaster!

Just to add to my hatred, he is a huge Dan fan. “Dan is the man!” I’ve had enough.

Sadly, he will make it far. Way too far. He’ll end up in the final five...at the very least.

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - McCrae

McCrae Olson, 24 

Hometown: Oak Grove, Minn. 

Current City: Oak Grove, Minn. 

Pizza Delivery Boy 

The second Minneapolis resident is a bit of a mystery. There are no video interviews on any of the alternative sites, so one has to sit through Jeff’s terrible chat with him on CBS.com. Does this mean he’s a late addition? Is it possible that “Gabe-gate” caused a last second departure for a certain lacrosse player? 

Before we get to the interview, McCare is apparently a true superfan. Hamsterwatch immediately noted that he was a member of her site, and so is naturally rooting for him.

I’ll admit that while theoretically we would like to see real fans of the game be on the show, rarely do they actually work out. Yes, I realize that Ian fits into that category, but his victory last year was more due to Dan’s only mistake of the season than Ian’s charm, cunning, and wits. 

Honestly, they generally are lacking a bit in the social skills and/or the physical attributes. They may be able to recite every player who has ever appeared, but aren’t equipped to really deal with sharing a space with over a dozen other people. Some of them are also a bit too cocky about their own intelligence, and that always leads to their demise.

So let’s take a look at McCrae. We get a whole two minutes in these Jeff videos, primarily (I’m assuming) because that’s the limit of Jeff’s attention span. He’s a nice kid, albeit a dork. Ugh, Jeff also asks about showmances, and McCrae does play along. He says he’s open to it, but come on. It’s unlikely. Good luck to you, though.

I hope he does well, but I have a feeling he will be bro’d and ho’d out of there relatively quickly. If he does make it to sequester, though, he could have a shot at making it far. 

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Kaitlin

Kaitlin Barnaby, 23

Hometown: Vadnais Heights, Minn. 

Current City: Minneapolis, Minn. 

Bartender 

Everybody knows I love Minneapolis. It’s a great city that over the years has been the home base of some of my favorite musicians, including Prince, Husker Du, Suburbs, and so many more.

Most importantly, it’s where my favorite band of all time, The Replacements, are from. Just a few days ago, it was announced they were reuniting for three shows later this year in Toronto, Chicago, and Denver.

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to attend any of these shows? Why, you ask? Because of BIG BROTHER! For me to travel to any of these performances, I’d have to give up one of our Saturday night Big Brother Gossip Shows! See what I do for you people? It breaks my heart.

As much as I love that city, and it’s not just because of the bands, it hasn’t been a great home base for Big Brother contestants. Yes, Janelle is from there, but despite her success I have little respect for her. She’s the ultimate mean girl. That goofy Amanda from a few years back was also from Minneapolis, and I’m sure a few other forgettable house guests have originated from my neighbors to the east.

Kaitlin is one of two residents of that area on this year’s cast, and she is a cutie. I would love to find out which bar she works at, as I love that city’s nightlife. If she works at First Avenue, then I’d be in love.

In fact, I need to be in lust for a few seconds. This girl has amazing eyes!!! Simply stunning. And a great toothy smile. On appearances sake, I have high hopes.

So she is “open” for a showmance, but only for strategy purposes. Ok, I can go for that. At least she’s not looking to get married on the show, unlike some of the others I have previously profiled. In fact, I hope she mindfucks that bro Jeremy. Not succumb to his lack of charm, but make him think she does want him and then plan his demise. I’d kiss her feet if she did that!

This is another person who was cast to be on the show. A woman came into her bar and gave her a card. Could it be the same person who is responsible for that mess, Candice? Needless to say, she knows little about the show, but she does love to drink Jameson! 

Wait, wait, wait. She hates Rachel! Let me say that again - she hates Rachel!!! I LOVE HER!!! Please tell me she’s a Replacements fan!

Unfortunately, she’s another that will battle for that second eviction spot. If she survives, I expect some funny diary room comments, and hopefully she will be this year’s Britney. Not last year’s version of Britney, but funny Brit from her first run.

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Jessie

Jessie Kowalski, 25

Hometown: Beaumont, Texas

Current City: San Antonio, Texas

Unemployed

What the hell is going on here? This is like the fifth Texan I’ve previewed, and I’m barely halfway through the entire cast! Did that staffer I earlier described really get that much poontang while he was in that state?

Once again, way too much time is wasted on the showmance angle. At least Jessie doesn’t like “assholes”, so I hope that means she doesn’t hook up with that idiot Jeremy. She also believes she has a nice ass, but too bad this lame interviewer doesn’t make her get up and prove it.

I’m falling in love here. She’s not the brightest bulb, but she’s cute and charming and has a pretty smile. Maybe she’s not fit for my meth-tub, nor does she appear to be a whip and chains girl, but I think I can a place for her. She just looks fun.

Again, the definition of superfan is misplaced, though. She never watched the feeds, and only goes back a few seasons. Brittney and Danielle are two of her favorite past players, which I have no problems with. She also admits that Rachel was annoying, but claims she could have been friends with her.

It’s quite possible that Jessie will be the cute girl that goes out second, but if she surpasses that she will hopefully team up with some of the other bikini girls to make it a few more weeks. I doubt this will happen, though. If she’s not out the second week, she will be out before sequester. And that’s a shame.

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Jeremy

Jeremy McGuire, 23

Hometown: Katy, Texas

Current City: Katy, Texas

Boat Shop Associate

Although I’ve been pretty critical of recent seasons of Big Brother, I have been thankful that Grodner’s dirty parts don’t get crispy over “bro’s”. Sure, there were some people that thought of themselves as bro’s, but for the most part it was only in their mind. Sorry, Enzo, you weren’t a bro. You were a dope.

This year, I sense a change. Maybe Ms. Kassting has more to do with who we’re seeing. She’s a known UFC groupie, and if there is one “sport” that attracts bro’s, it’s that garbage.

What is a bro, you ask? First off, you have to be a douchebag that rarely wears shirts. And if you do, they are those godawful super-tight Ed Hardy shirts. Let’s go a step farther. Bro’s are the male equivalent of a “whoo-hoo” girl. They have the worst taste in everything – music, movies, pop culture. They admire the Kardashians, even the ugly one. They collect every John Mayer album, except for the blues ones. They believe they’re artsy because they once went to a Phish show.

Jeremy is a bro. Jeremy is a moron.

Jeremy is unemployed, and is “single ready to mingle”. Yes, that was one of his first sentences in the video. “I am planning on a showmance.” That’s his gameplan. Find a slut, hook up with her, and he’ll be on his way to the end. Gross.

The sad thing is that it may work. This is the kind of jackass I’d love to see eliminated the first week, but he probably will hook up with one of the bimbos and last for quite some time. It sickens me to type this, but he probably will be a part of the final five whose ultimate departure will probably occur during a double eviction night.

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Howard

Howard Overby, 29

Hometown: Hattiesburg, Miss.

Current City: Hattiesburg, Miss.

Youth Counselor

“God is a concept by which we measure our pain” – John Lennon

I don’t have much to say about Howard. He’s soft-spoken, likable, but way too much of his chatter is about his faith. It’s anything and everything about him, although, like all Jesus freak Big Brother contestants, there is wiggle room for cheating and lying.

Weirdly, there is also a big penis joke in the conversation…and then 30 seconds later we’re back to church talk.

He does actually seem to know the show a bit, name-dropping Kazer and Danielle (the first one, not the brat) as people he admires from the past.

Howard will do well. Being a youth counselor will help him mix with all different groups of people. The bro’s will love him, the girls will ogle him. Candice will follow him around with a marriage proposal in her dreams. He’ll be a comp king, although his big…feet…will hurt him in endurance comps (at least according to Brandon’s claims during his season). Look for him to be final four.

Friday
Jun212013

Helen Kim, 37

Hometown: Falls Church, Va.

Current City: Chicago, Ill.

Political Consultant

As soon as I clicked on Helen’s video I started thinking about the Netflix series, House of Cards. If you haven’t seen it, start watching it now! Or after Big Brother is finished, I guess. House of Cards is a political drama starring Kevin Spacey as a South Carolina Congressman, and the various behind the scenes wheeling and dealing of power.

Why did my thoughts roam to this show? Well, Helen works as a political consultant, and I can definitely see her wandering the halls of Congress in her power suit. Cut just above the knee, so a little leg can be shown but not enough to create gossip amongst the other staffers, Helen would fit right in on that show.

For some unknown reason, Helen isn’t going to reveal that she has such a sexy job. Beauty pageant consultants and lifeguards are just going to be too impressed by such a gig, and they’ll go after her right away. Um, no.

The political talk goes on a bit too long in this video. Well, it goes on way too long. I don’t give a shit about her views on the Republican party. It has nothing to do with Big Brother.

While I like her, she has some traits that are really annoying. She has a tendency to use 50 words when 5 will do the topic justice, and not only does she move her hands, her whole body writhes as she babbles.

She has two young children, and for some reason she thinks that being a mother will be an asset. That worked really well for Wah-mber, after all. Being a mother has somehow kept her from ever watching the live feeds in the past, though, which I guess is plausible.

She’s also playing for her Big Brother fanatic friend, who gave her a reference that helped her get on the show but died last week. This was a weird segment on the video, and I wonder if it is actually a Matt Hoffman type deal.

This is a smart woman, and if she can find somebody willing to work with her she could go a long way. She’s a bit older than the majority of the house (even at 37), though, so this may be a tough road for her. The key will be to downplay the mom and dead friend cards, and maybe ease up a bit on the motor mouth chatter. I’d like to see her go far, but I believe ultimately she’ll fail to meet sequester.

 

 

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - GinaMarie

GinaMarie Zimmerman, 32

Hometown: Brooklyn, N.Y.

Current City: Staten Island, N.Y.

Pageant Coordinator

How we handle stereotypes in this country is a bit confusing. Make a watermelon joke and you’re forced to go on an apology tour. Name a professional sports team after a derogatory term used against a culture that we massacred and you’re ok.

You almost need a handbook these days to know who or what is considered offensive. Immediately into this video, I quickly understood that ALL Italian stereotypes are cool to use. They’re funny and actually complimentary. Hell, add a bit of Long Island to the Italian clichés, and you have a laugh factory!

I had some high hopes for GinaMarie after seeing the half-naked modeling shots that have been floating around the web the last day or two. Unfortunately, there is a helluva lot of airbrushing going on in those shots.

Not that this woman is horrific looking. Not at all…and not that it matters. She’s relatively attractive, but I was hoping for this year’s version of JoJo. I wanted to get that bathtub meth lab going again, along with the whips, chains, and multi-use sex toys. Every house needs a dirty girl, and GinaMarie seemed to be the perfect candidate.

Too bad it’s not meant to be, and I should have figured that out when I read that her occupation is “pageant coordinator”. Gross. That means we’re going to hear a lot of really bad conversations between her and Candice about the “craziness” of beauty queen competitions. I hope most of those occur during Big Brother After Dark to help me fall asleep at night.

Like too many of these interviews, there is also too much focus on the “showmance” angle. Seriously, Jeff and Jordan are the worst thing to ever happen to Big Brother (for many reasons), simply because every contestant is now asked about whether they want to hook up in the house. Just stop it. Now.

As she rambled about how she hates certain kinds of girls, I began to zone out until one of the scariest noises in the world made me jump up in my chair. WTF was that high-pitched noise that comes close to that special frequency that only dogs can hear? That’s her laugh? Oh Lord.

GinaMarie may make it to jury, but just barely. Her belief that she’s smarter than she really is will eventually be what causes her demise. 

Friday
Jun212013

Scott's Initial Impressions - David

David Girton, 25

Hometown: San Diego, Calif.

Current City: San Diego, Calif.

Lifeguard

Before he became an undistinguished Congressman, Al Franken published a political comedy book called Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. Why do I mention this right now? Simply because 30 seconds into this craptacular interview, it’s the only thing on my mind.

David is a liar. A douchebag. Every thing about him screams big fibber. Even that messy hair is a lie. You just know he spends a good thirty minutes in the bathroom fixing those curly locks to have that wind-swept look.

He claims that he and his mom have been watching Big Brother together for at least nine years. At least he’s man enough to admit that he still lives in his mommy’s basement. There’s no doubt that this is true, although I bet when he brings the babes home she either has to hide or claim she’s his roommate. Or sister. Or kissin’ cousin.

The moron can’t talk without moving his hand either. Like a similar Italian cretin from an earlier season, it’s clearly from chronic masturbation. It’s a distraction the way that hand rhythmically rises and falls in line with the cadence of his “hey bro” conversation. Dude, even a bit of pocket pool would be classier.

This bro thinks he’s a groundbreaker, and the reason his “application” was fast-tracked is because they’ve never had a surfer dude from San Diego before. Hey Ian, make sure you add this to the Wikipedia page. It’s a very special first for Big Brother!

At least he’s honest about his superficiality. He comes right out and says he’s an “attraction guy”. Of course. This special catch would never end up with a pig. But she has to be able to cook, and he just knows America wants him to find that special lady in the house.

This is about all I can deal with him, especially after he was “goaded” into showing his abs. Here’s what is going to happen with him. He is alpha enough that he will last quite a long time. Way too long for my taste.

For feed watchers, though, he may create some fun drama. I predict a love triangle of sorts. Amanda is going to lust for him, but she’s too old, has the wrong hair color, and smokes. That’s three strikes against her. He’s actually going to want Aaryn because she’s thin, blonde, dumb, and an easy pushover. This will cause Amanda to absolutely hate Aaryn! I can’t wait!

Thursday
Jun202013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Candice

Candice Stewart, 29

Hometown: New Orleans, La. 

Current City: Houston, Texas 

Pediatric Speech Therapist 

Pageant girls are a breed that needs to just die off immediately. This may be shocking to anybody that knows me, but I don’t have any time for them. I don’t care that they don’t know how to fix education, or their lack of knowledge on maps. 

Nothing about them is attractive to me. I don’t like their hair, makeup, or the way they talk. They’re nothing but Stepford Wives in training, looking for that third generation car dealership owner, or that ambulance-chasing lawyer who lucks into a class action suit that buys that mansion on the hill.

With that intro, it’s clear that Candice is a pageant girl. In fact, she was Miss Louisiana in 2004, and competed in Miss USA. Or is it Miss America? Miss World? Where’s that bitch from the Atlanta Real Housewives to set me straight?

I will give her credit for revealing that she didn’t apply for Big Brother. They came to her. Let me guess. Was it that staffer that I mentioned a few entries ago that wet his whistle while at a Texas college? Miss Louisiana is living in Houston these days. My guess is that Grodner gave him a little call one night because she needed a new version of last year’s pageant queen. Remember her? The one that claimed to be runner-up Miss Arkansas? 

Nope, it wasn’t the same casting guy. She was sitting in a restaurant two years ago, and some woman came over and said she was in casting. Damn it, Grodner! What were you doing in Texas? You can’t use the same lines as your other staffers!

Candice does have the pageantry method of fake answers down to a science. When asked if she was a fan of the show, she says that it is “amazing” but admits she hasn’t seen every episode. My guess is she hasn’t seen a full week of episodes, outside of those they’re forced to sit through while in sequester. Her excuse is that she didn’t always have cable. Ok then.

She also desperately needs to get married. Like now. She will turn 30 in the house, you know (if she makes it to the end). “It don’t matter if it’s in the house, or at Wal-mart, or the Sizzler, or Christian Mingle, or my manager’s upscale strip club. God wants me to marry and have little pageant babies!”

Yep, she played the God card. “Faith” is her favorite word ever, and God will forgive her if she does bad things in the house because winning Big Brother is for the betterment of society. “It is a game, and He wants me to play it like poker. Lying is like bluffing, y’all.”

I’m not a third of my way through this, and she’s driving me crazy. She claims to not care about looks, as it is all about “inner beauty”. Sure it is. She also idolizes Jordan. Game over for me.

Here’s what will happen with this twit. Her voice, and the constant use of it, will drive EVERYBODY crazy. She goes early. The earlier the better.