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Entries in big brother 15 (73)

Thursday
Jun202013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Andy

Andy Herren, 26

Hometown: Aurora, Ill. 

Current City: Chicago, Ill. 

Professor 

We live in a world full of prejudice. People hate just for the sake of hating. It’s sad. It really is. How can people be so judgmental? Live and let live, is what I always say.

Which brings us to Andy, who is not only a “professor”, but a server at a restaurant? Wait, what? Professor Andy, where’s my double whiskey coke? I’ve been waiting at least two minutes!

From the first glimpse, it’s obvious that Andy has endured a lot of bullying and beatings his entire life. You see, our string bean is a ginger, probably the most hated of men in our world today.

Yes, he is also gay, but that’s no issue. It is in the rules of every reality-based game show to have a flamboyant man of this ilk. Now we know that the gay community is as diverse as any other section of life, but for some reason these types of shows only cast one type. For more on that topic, do yourself a favor and google a term paper that Ragan from Big Brother 12 wrote on this very topic.

Just as I wrote that line, Andy stated on the video that he was a big fan of Ragan. In fact, Andy claims to be a huge fan of Big Brother, but has never seen the live feeds. Hmmm, I’m not sure about that, although he adds that he has watched the network broadcast since the third season.

But instead of modeling himself after Ragan, he says that his goal is to be like Danielle from season three. He does describe her eventual downfall perfectly, although this is info he could have found on wikipedia. 

Andy also claims to have a pretty solid plan for success, although I almost guarantee that nothing he plans on doing will come to fruition. I do like the fact that he hopes it is nothing but “noobs” this season, and agrees with my belief that returning players have an advantage because they are inevitably looked up to as stars. 

I like Andy, and hope he does well, but I predict a crying meltdown early on, and he clearly will drive some people crazy by talking way too much. He also knows that he will be one of the smarter people in the house, and all of this will combine to cause a week four or five departure. Plus he’s a ginger.

Thursday
Jun202013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Amanda

Amanda Zuckerman, 28

Hometown: Long Island, N.Y. 

Current City: Boynton Beach, Fla. 

Real Estate Agent 

If you’ve seen as much reality television as me, you begin to understand that 30 is almost like 50. You’re too old for The Real World, but you’re way too young to be a haggard Real Housewife...unless, of course, you marry a man rich enough to pay off Bravo Andy.

Those years of late night clubbing are beginning to take their toll. The voice is becoming a rasp thanks to that two-pack a night habit, and the penchant for screaming at the top of their lungs whenever they receive a free drink...or see a flashing light. An occasional jolt of Botox helps keep those worry lines away.

The body is still there, though. The skin above the breasts has yet to freckle or pickle. The boob job is a few years away from needing to be refurbished. The legs are still long and tan, and the booty can still hang out of the short shorts without showing stretch marks or dimples. 

This is it, babe. This is your last gasp before you have to make that “career” you put on your reality television resume a...well, reality. So throw on a tight tank top and some shorts that enhance those gams, and charm this man with the dumb questions!

Her plan clearly works, as the dumbfounded camera man initially forgets to turn on the camera! As we enter the interview, she’s already complaining that she hasn’t been able to inhale her usual pre-noon pack of smokes. 

Oh boy, this girl can talk. I can barely keep up as she plans to be a floater but not a floater, and this contradiction versus that contradiction. Her friends say she’s funny, loud, caring, and they all just love how she’s their therapist. Sure you are, honey.

The truth finally does come out, though. Girls really don’t like her, but they’re all just “jealous”. Oh yeah, there’s that cliche. I can see it now. She’s at a bar dancing with her prey, and that guy’s real girlfriend has the audacity to step in. “Bitch, you’re just jealous!” Yet she hates drama and isn’t judgmental!

At this point, the cameraman is having trouble focusing. It has to be those thighs causing him to shake and shimmy with the camera. Or maybe it’s the cleavage that is begging to be released from that tank top that is struggling to keep the puppies in check.

Wait, it just got interesting. She claims she was 30 pounds heavier a few years ago, and there are some men that have some pictures that better NOT be shared with the public. I’m now officially offering a nice reward for these pics! Send them to paulisded@gmail.com!

My prediction? She’ll actually do well in competitions, and is alpha enough to ensure she’s one of the leaders of the cool kids alliance. While she will ultimately be involved in a few screamfests, I bet she makes it until final five or so.

Thursday
Jun202013

Scott's Initial Impressions - Aaryn

The day started just like every other day this week. Shit, shower, coffee, and dozens and dozens of godawful “X days until Big Brother” tweets. Please, my friends, don’t waste my bandwidth with this garbage.

Today, though, is a big day as we can finally see who is going amuse, arouse, and annoy us for the next 100 days. The annoyance factor is already in full throttle, as Julie Chen actually made a mistake in an interview and said the cast videos would be available at 9 am. When they weren’t up at that time, the bb15 hashtag went berserk. OMG OMG, what are we going to do? Wait until noon, pacific time, which is the part of the day that all other press releases stated it would happen.

Unfortunately for me, at that time I had other commitments that took me away from taking a peak at these folks. Now that it’s almost bedtime, I finally get a bit of time to make some initial impressions. I primarily used the interviews that are hosted at welovebigbrother.com, but I also viewed the CBS videos for as long as I could handle that moron Jeff and his terrible interview style.

Aaryn Gries, 22

Hometown: San Angelo, Texas 

Current City: San Marcos, Texas 

College Student 

 

Picture a warm spring day in Texas. A frazzled Big Brother casting staffer is down to his last wits. He’s spent the last few weeks traveling from one minor city to another, making minor CBS affiliates happy by pretending to be auditioning potential housemates. Bad food, boring bars, terrible morning zoo radio hosts, and the worst of Middle America body shapes have him craving something...anything...even slightly appealing. A perfectly cooked Thai dinner, a live band, and a bit of slap and tickle with a fetching young lady is exactly what was needed.

With the dog and pony show over, it was now time to find the real Big Brother contestants. The kind that tickles Grodner’s nether regions. So this staffer has received the golden ticket - a college town in Texas. Even if he didn’t find somebody for the show, he’d be able to satisfy his urges by using his patented pickup line - “Wanna be on Big Brother?”

Surrounded by good ol’ Texas girls with legs up to here and breasts out to there, the staffer is successful the first two days. Nobody ever said a Texas girl was smart, after all, so the success rate of that line worked wonders. One of those nights, the bimbo even cooked him a meal.

To ensure his job security, though, he had to actually find a house guest, so on the third day he actually did his job. Like the first two days, he parked himself on a bench in the commons area and just waited. 

It didn’t take long. Aaryn Gries, a 22 year-old psych major, at least on paper. Her real story is her modeling career. Fresh-faced but working a curvy booty, at first glance Aaryn looks similar to a non-chip chomping version of Jordan. Oh yes, Grodner will love her!

Yes, she fits all of the Big Brother bimbo stereotypes. She is open to finding “love” on Big Brother, and all she wants is a guy that makes her laugh. Sure she does. Ok, the need for giggling dies quickly, as she lusts for a “lumberjack’. A lumberjack with “inner beauty”, though.

But any love she finds has to be real, as she can’t lie or fake it. Trust me, I bet she has faked it a few times before. Particularly when auditioning for bikini modeling gigs. 

For a psych major, though, she’s a terrible liar. She’s a “big” fan of the show, although she never saw it until this past December. This leads into a long story about how a bunch of episode were supposedly played in her living room. In December? That’s when she decided to “apply”, and has now seen almost half of the episode that has ever aired! Yeah, right.

The crazy thing is how the Big Brother Canada winner just happened to have the EXACT same gameplan that she plans to play. Wow, how is that possible? It really couldn’t be that she had NO gameplan until she heard this person’s winning formula! (By the way, she didn’t remember Jillian’s name, and certainly didn’t remember how Jillian won by a voting fluke.)

At this point, the interview lags. She babbles about how she is going to lie about her psych major, because obviously that would put her in jeopardy. This moves on to her pageant career, and grooming, and other insipid topics. 

My overall impression - she’ll look good in a bikini laying out, but she stands a good chance at keeping up the Big Brother formula of being the model that goes out on the second eviction. At least our staffer goes home a most satisfied man. 

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