After last night’s experiment with “positive blogging”, I’m ready to go back to my patented mode of snark and whine. Be very afraid, my friends, as I clearly have built up a lot of complaints to share.
Before the show begins, though, let me announce a special drinking game that I announced on twitter last night. With Devin on the block, and a 90% certainty of being evicted, my plan is guaranteed to get you hammered in less than ten minutes. In fact, keep this episode on your DVR for future use!
Here’s how it works. Between the time that Devin gives his final plea to the house up until the conclusion of his interview with Julie Chen, take a drink anytime he says the word “daughter”. I guarantee that he’ll say it at least 20 times, so you should be good and plastered before the HOH competition.
I’m actually kind of sad to see him go tonight. I hate the man. Hate, hate, hate. He’s a clown. But this season is so boring that the only current possibility of fireworks comes from the failed minor leaguer. Sure, there’s also the running Amber/Caleb controversy, but that has moved from entertaining to almost criminal. Caleb needs some serious help, and his attitude towards women is the most disappointing aspect of this season.
See what I mean about having plenty of bile to share? There’s bound to be more, as I haven’t even mentioned the two biggest wastes of spaces in the house. I’ll let you all guess who I’m talking about here.
Ok, let’s get going with tonight’s broadcast, and the replacement of Jocasta (zzzzz) with Devin as nominee. A tearful Jocasta and Donny hug, and pose with the veto necklace. Donny says it was a “nobrainer” because “she’s a close friend in the house, (and) she was sick and couldn’t fight for herself. I felt like it was my duty to fight for her.” Jocasta replies with “Praise God”.
Caleb hugs Jocasta and admits it was risky for him to volunteer to go up, but it Devin goes home it could be his “biggest move in the house”. If it doesn’t work, though, it will be “the dumbest move in Big Brother history. At this point, it’s all in the house guests hands.” Nice reading of the cue cards, Caleb.
Devin also works at reading the cue cards to make us believe he still has a shot of survival. For those that don’t watch the live feeds, he doesn’t. This entire segment is bullshit. The moment that Devin was put up, it was clear that he was going home. There was very little talk of saving him, and Devin only made a token effort to campaign. All of this is for the sake of TV.
Jocasta is still crying, and she tearfully thanks Donny and says in the diary room that she hopes to repay the favor. “I’m so happy.”
We now see Amber crawl into bed in the Have-not room, and Caleb gets up and puts a blanket over her. She gets up a bit later and walks out of the room, and Caleb puts down another blanket on her bed. “The things you do for people when you like them”, he tells Hayden, who is sleeping on the next bed. “I put myself on the block. I give up my only two covers I got. I think at the end of the day, I’ll win a date with her.” Caleb rolls over, and Hayden looks up at the camera and says, “what?” We’re all thinking the same thing, hippie boy.
The next day, Donny and Cody are talking about Caleb. “He’s proven to not really be a competitor like he says he is”, complains Cody. “His game is so blurred by her that he doens’t make proper decision.” Donny agrees that putting himself on the block was a stupid move. Cody adds in the diary room that he thinks he may be able to conjure up the votes to eliminate Caleb. (Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. He barely made this attempt.) The conversation continues as he tells Donny that this would be a good time to get rid of him. Donny does agree, and adds in the diary room that he’ll do anything for her. “If she wants someone out, he’ll back her. If she gets put on the block, he’ll protect her.”
A bunch of boys are now playing pool, and Victoria comes out in a butt-revealing bikini. They all holler at her “what’s your name”, but they’re not kidding. “Seriously, what’s your name?” asks Hayden in the diary room.
Amber and Cody are now talking in the have-not room. He’s even rubbing her knee as they talk about being friends. “I’ve been waiting for you to do this.” Once again, Caleb is “creeping around” them as they talk, and Cody is getting annoyed.
Cody is now playing pool with Derrick, and tells him about how annoyed he’s getting by these actions. Derrick claims to think that Caleb is starting to become a “big liability”, and Zach joins in the conversation. “Caleb hates you...because Amber likes you.” Zach says this threesome could possibly hurt his game, and once again we’re led to believe it’s possible that Caleb is going home. HE’S NOT!!!
Ugh, another cutesy segment with Hayden and Nicole, as they cuddle in the bedroom. Seriously, I’m getting sick of this nightly segment. Let’s move on as they continue to talk about kissing. Just do it and get it over with. They can’t, though, as Victoria walks in.
Now Devin is talking about the Miami Heat with Devin, and we get our first “daughter” of the night. I guess this is Devin’s mode of survival - bore people with talk about his kid. Oh, and his addictions, since he also talks about rehab. Cody tells us in the diary room that he is starting to like Devin, and that he just got lost in the early days of the game.
Cody moves on to talk to Zach about Devin, and says he had a dream about Caleb going home. “Do we send Caleb home?” Zach says that this may be a great idea, and to make it seem possible we see him talk to Frankie about that very idea. “It’s a good move. He’s letting a girl cloud his judgment.” Frankie moves on to talk to Christine about this possibility, and ends up asking Derrick about doing this. Derrick asks where this idea came from? “The move is in motion”, replies Frankie. Derrick doesn’t seem to think this is a bad idea either.
Come on, CBS. You literally took every conversation about evicting Caleb over a four day period and made it look like it was going to happen. This is creative editing; even more so than usual from this network.
After commercials, we get to meet Donny’s family. Unfortunately, it’s hosted by awful Jeff Schroeder, so I’m not really paying attention. Too bad, as they seem fascinating, especially as they laugh at Caleb (just like the rest of America). Ok, I did actually watch, as the entire family all tear up while they watch highlights.
Ok, it’s now time for Julie to talk to the house. Guess who she goes to first? Yes, Nicole and her stupid frog costume. Jocasta is asked how she’s feeling, and she says much better. She’s also asked about Donny saving her with the veto, and she says that it was great for her since she felt so down. Oh yeah, and there are lots of “praise Jesus”. Zach is then asked about living with so many people, and he replies that he hates them all. Hayden is asked what is the worst part of being a have-not, and he says nothing. “I love it. Is Survivor still hiring.” Julie then announces that there will be no have-nots this week, and they all cheer until she adds “expect the unexpected”. After signing off, she explains that the Fitbit stats will determine the next group. The lazy asses will be punished!
It’s now time to see who (Devin) goes home. Caleb gets to make the first final plea, and he thanks God and his family. He babbles about him and Devin being beasts, and the toughest competitors (despite Donny’s lead in comp wins), but he’s not a “liar or cheater”. He repeats “at the end of the day” a few times, and, of course, we get a couple more “beast mode cowboy” silliness.
Devin then stands up and says he’s had some “highs and lows in the game”. He asks the house if they’d rather play with somebody who “made a final two pact with Amber, and has proven he will do whatever it takes to protect her, including nominating himself for eviction. Or would you rather have somebody like me who is willing to admit his faults (and) right his wrongs, even if that means using a veto on somebody he’s nominated.” He admits that Caleb is a physical beast, but “I’m a physical and mental monster. I would carry any one of you down to the finals.” Wow, that was a fantastic plea! Great job, even though it won’t work.
Voting now begins with Jocasta, who votes to evict Devin, as does Donny, Nicole, and Hayden. Time for more commercials before Zach, Cody, Victoria (who?), Frankie, Amber, Christine, and Brittany. Yes, it’s unanimous, and proof that the entire ten minutes we saw earlier was a waste of time. There was never a real move to save Devin.
Julie announces the vote to the house, and Devin tucks in his shirt before hugging the house. Once he’s gone, though, they’re not as quiet about celebrating as in past weeks. In fact, they barely look at the memory wall. Julie asks what he was handed as he walked out the door, and it tunes out Brittany made him a tin foil heart. Ugh. “But she didn’t give you a vote”, replies Julie, but Devin says he wasn’t surprised. “It’s been proven in the past that people who play hard tend to go early.”
Julie moves on to the demise of the Bomb Squad, and he admits to feeling paranoid while in the HOH room. The side moves that didn’t include him made him feel like they were turning against him, so he “decided to put some little (targets) on everybody else”. Julie follows up by asking about his daughter watching, which leads to silliness about honesty and integrity. Come on, Devin. Julie moves on to talk about Donny, and the various things that people have theorized about him. Devin still wonders about that, and is surprised to find out that he really is a groundskeeper.
The final pleas end the segment, and Jocasta says it’s great that he gets to see his daughter. Caleb says he’s a great guy, but put his friends in danger. Zach says he’s possibly the worst player in history “because your social game was awful”. Ha! Donny talks about how he “done him wrong the first week”, but wants him to have fun with his daughter. That’s it for Devin!
Julie jumps right into the HOH competition, and they all have to pair up into teams. They randomly drew for these teams, and here’s how they stack up. Victoria is with Christine, Caleb is with Nicole, Brittany is with Jocasta, Amber is with Zach, Donny is paired with Hayden, and Frankie and Cody are the final team.
There’s another advert break before we get to this competition, which is called “Devil’s Eggs”. They have to move eggs through chicken wire into slots, and the first to get all twelve is the winner. I have a feeling the winner will NOT be Victoria and Christine.
Frankie is the first to move an egg to his partner, with Amber and Zach a little behind. We suddenly get a live feed fish overlay for a second, and then Victoria and Christine pass their first egg.
Julie then cuts away to tease the second Team America (Fuck Yeah!) mission, and when we return we find out that this week’s bad idea is for them to somehow get a physical threat nominated. Yeah, whatever.
There’s one final look at the competition, but you’ll have to come back to this site later to find out who won. Currently, there’s a tie between Amber/Zach and Cody/Frankie. Before we cut away, we get the “elements” added to the game. This time, it’s falling ashes. Nobody really pays attention, though, as we go to credits.
So that’s it. Now tell me, my friends, is this a better way for me to post? More importantly, are you as upset with the selective editing as I am? Was the house smart to evict Devin over Caleb? Tell me what you’re thinking!