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Entries in britney (21)

Tuesday
Jul242012

Power of Veto Meeting - Its Danielle or JoJo

Monday's Power of Veto meeting went just as expected.  Shane used the POV that he won on Saturday and saved himself.  Frank then put up Danielle in his place, she was the only other person to vote agains him last Thursday.

Come this Thursday the house guests will vote between JoJo and Danielle - there will only be a total of six votes since Willie and Kara both left (under different circumstances) last week.

Janelle's team of Wil, Joe and Ashley will probably vote to evict JoJo (as of now), Boogies team of Jenn and Ian may as well - Britney hopes to convince them to vote out Danielle and then with Shane's vote to evict Daneielle force a tie that Frank could break.  But as things stand now I'm not even sure Shane will vote to evict Danielle as JoJo is strongly associated with Willie and is much more negative than Danielle who is working hard to 'kiss up' to people (like Ian at the left on Monday).

Britney's advice on Monday was to lay low, try not to make waves and not to hang out solely with Shane.  She followed some, but not all of Brit's advice and spent a lot of time sitting around talking with Shane.  Britney even told Shane yesterday that he might just need to vote out JoJo so he appears to be a part of the 'group.'

 

Tuesday
Jul172012

Meet King Willie!

In case you haven't noticed, Willie has spent his entire reign as HOH lying on his giant throne greeting his peasants only to make sure they follow his rule. Every conversation ultimately includes promises to not repeat what he commands them to do, so each of them have ran around the house believing they are the King's Chosen One.

The two constants in the King's quarters are his loyal Hand, Britney, and his Head Knight, Janelle. They have spent hours and hours listening to the King's convoluted theories and plans, and have reported any dissent they have seen in the rest of the house.

Unfortunately for the King, there has been revolution talk amongst his subjects, and the last twelve hours he has attempted to keep his reign from falling. 

While this revolt has rippled up now and then over the last two days, particularly whenever Head Chef Joe opens his big mouth, dissension amongst his Royal Guard is what has sent him into crisis mode.

While making her rounds late last night, King's Hand Britney caught Head Knight Janelle actually having a conversation with Britney's biggest enemy, Coach Dan!

How dare Janelle consort with the enemy! Doesn't she know that Section 8, Rule 9 of the Brenchel Rules of Big Brother Court state that it is expressley forbidden to chat with the opposing side of the House??? This is an unspeakable crime against the Holy King!

After stomping around for a few minutes, Britney ultimately ended up kneeling at the King's bed, expressing her contempt for their Head Knight. Unfortunately, she didn't stop there. She also confessed that there is a Higher Power that may lead to them usurping their King sometime in the next few weeks.

Now the King may not be the smartest tool in this giant tool shed, but the wheels in his head quickly spun to the right setting. This is not good news for His Majesty! This completely ruins every plan and scenario that ran through his brain these last ten days. He had EVERYTHING figured out to waltz right to victory lane, and now those who washed his feet will probably take power!

Oh yeah, this could not be left alone. "You have to tell the peasants", he commanded to his Hand. "No, my fair King", she replied. "I just can't." These lines were repeated with  little variation for the next hour until Britney was so dizzy she her lazy eye closed, forcing the other to quickly follow.

Fast forward a few hours, and the King was seen gathering his peasants for an emergency meeting. Surprisingly, he put on a gentle face as he laid on his throne next to his potential Queen, Joho. "Play your own game." To ensure this mantra sunk into his subjects, he repeated it at least a dozen times. Only that traitor cook dared to speak up against His Majesty, but who takes a cook seriously?

Meanwhile, the coaches were having their own meeting. Well, three of them were, as Boogie became the smartest man in the house by taking a nap. Truthfully, their meeting mainly consisted of small talk, as the Hand was clearly too scared to inform the Knight of the info she gave the King.

The big question during the meeting, though, was which subject would crack first, and how quickly. The answer was as predicted - it was Joe, and he almost leaped over the stairway to race to the Knight with the info. Within a few minutes other subjects informed their coaches of what they King had to say, while the King himself decided that he was going to take a break from game talk. Yeah, right. That won't last long.

Monday
Jul162012

The Worst Porno Ever!

Many, many years ago, a good friend of mine claimed that Showtime and other movie channels routinely broadcasted pornography late at night. Obviously, a clean living, moral person like myself would never know about these things. Pornography? Naked people sticking body parts into each other? No, I would never knowingly view something like that. Give me wholesome entertainment while I wolf down some cookies and milk.

Last night, though, I believe I watched some sort of edited porno. I’m talking really edited; almost fit for a child. I thought I had tuned into Big Brother After Dark, but there’s no way this could be possible.

When I turned to that channel, I witnessed a couple of floozies helping some young bimbo with outdated hair squeeze herself into an extremely tight dress that featured a super lowcut top and a bottom that barely covered her bum. There’s no way this trailer trash Farrah Fawcett could fit a pair of panties under this ensemble, and clearly there was no bra as half of that part of her body was in clear view.

It also seemed obvious that I had probably tuned in a bit late, as surely this prep scene occurred right after the three bimbos did whatever it is that girls do in one of THOSE types of movies. I shuddered in disgust at the sins that must have been broadcast into millions of homes across the country. Children could have been tempted to turn away from their faith!

After a long period of primping and adjustments, this would-be Ginger Lynn was greeted by a silly young boy who somehow combined the characteristics of Urkel, Barney Fife, Bud Bundy, and Harry Reems (minus the moustache). Oh, I get it now – this is one of those deflowering porns that I’ve heard about where the young boy has his innocence stolen by an older hussy.

As they moved into another room, I was definitely convinced that this is one of those “special” movies. Given the cheap exterior of the shot, it just HAD to be true! Cheap, tacky furniture in a room whose walls appear to be connected via Elmer’s Glue gave it the look of a small town community playhouse. Certainly one bad move would cause the entire set to fall over. Plus, you could even see their microphones!

Yet, I kept watching, partly out of curiosity and partly because I had this weird stirring in my pants. These two would-be stars didn’t make it easy, though. Sure, the lines they had to deliver were cringe-inducing, particularly when the bimbo asked “is that graphite in your pocket or are you just happy to see me”, but her “skills” in delivering these lines made the Kardashians look like Oscar winners.

It didn’t take long before I was almost begging for them to actually get to the dirty part of the movie, yet it never came (nor did they). The dork kept babbling, and the bimbo kept the double entendres coming, but not an article of clothing was shed.

Then suddenly, out of the blue the movie jumped to different people! What the hell? So they really do edit the sex out of pornos on this channel? Now on my screen was a steroid-pumped midget lying spent in bed, talking to an exhausted, disheveled young blonde with messy hair and wandering eyes. There’s no doubt what had just happened in this scene, which means this movie completely cut out not one but TWO sex scenes in a row!

Like the previous scene, these two porn sluts wasted my time by babbling away before being joined by a gay version of The Lemonheads’ Evan Dando. Wait, not only is this a porno but it’s a gay porn? I better call my Congressman!

I couldn’t bear to witness any more of this debauchery, so I turned off my television, threw up, and then prayed for the next hour. Yet something drove me back to my television, and when I turned it back on the steroid boy had yet another girl sleeping in his bed! Clearly, I had again missed the dirty parts, so I turned it off only to find he was with that bimbo from the first scene a little bit later!!!

I feel so dirty today, but thankfully this terrible movie was edited for television. I can’t even imagine how disgusted I’d feel if they hadn’t cut these scenes. What happened to Big Brother After Dark, though? Was it cancelled? I may have to tune in again tonight to find out if this is a recurring issue. Yeah, that’s the reason I’ll tune in.

Saturday
Jul142012

I'm Trying!

Seriously, my friends, I'm trying to get involved in this season. It's just not easy. Sure, I do have the home renovations going on that is a huge distraction, but it's much more than that.

This cast is a bunch of nutjobs!!!

Let's start with the "coaches". These people are supposed to be "legendary" players??? Pffft. A few nights ago, baseball had their All-Star game, and as always the marquee players only were on the field for the couple of innings. They were then replaced by longtime veterans and rising stars before finally you had primarily people who fufilled the rule that every team be represented.

These coaches are those late-game substitions. There's nothing special about them. I loved Britney, but she was no great strategist. Boogie and Janelle's succeses were of the coat-riding variety, and Dan just doesn't seem interested to be there. 

All of them are annoying so far. Boogie name-drops left and right about has-been former lip-synchers and supposed significant others of the gossip column crowd. Britney eats up all of his New Kids and Spears stories, and Janelle just bitches about him. Meanwhile, Dan is just there. You rarely see or hear him.

As for the new contestants, they're all cuckoo! And I don't mean cuckoo in an entertaining way either. JoJo is every stereotype of Long Island trash; Joe has psycho eyes. Willie thinks he has the game figured out in less than a week and is making final two and four deals, while Ian creeps out the girls. It's a sad state of affairs when my favorite guy is the son of a wrestler.

Speaking of the females, which is usually my favorite part of the game, at this point I still can't tell them apart. They're oh so generic, and for the most part all they seem to do is whine. Kara is most notable for her super-shiny knees, and if she wasn't on the block we probably wouldn't even know she's there. Asheligh and Daniele are currently trying to outdo each other in craziness, and the only one I care about (Jenn) is rarely, if ever, shown on the feeds.

The craziest part about this season is how seriously they're taking this coaching bit. They don't have to do this!!! As Joe (of all people) noted this morning, "their fate is tied to us. Our fate is not tied to them." So play your own game, and your coach will be rewarded if you win!

Despite my complaints today, though, I'm sure that I'll grow to love (or at least accept) a few of these people in the next few days and/or weeks. It's always a crazy train when you have this many unknown folks competing to have their voices heard on the feeds. I'm almost glad they didn't follow through with the biggest cast ever!

Who do you think are the most entertaining so far? Are you as annoyed as me?