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Tuesday
Jul022013

Big Brother Season 15, Episode 3 Recap

A word of warning before we begin. There’s a great chance that this recap is going to be a bit angrier than usual. There will probably even be a cuss word or two. It may even be cut off before the show is over.

Why, you ask? Because tonight looks to be a nightmare come true for me. One person is going to dominate the proceedings. A person who shouldn’t be in the house, in my opinion. A person whose voice is harder to understand than J-U-Double-D.

I’m sure you know exactly who I’m talking about, and there’s no way that the majority of TV time isn’t devoted to her. At the very least, there will be segments about how the house doesn’t like her, her (not very) shocking MVP win, her participation in the veto competition, and the final veto meeting. That’s not even including the inevitable cameo by her supposedly “legendary” family member.

So here we go, starting off with another endless recap of what we’ve seen already this year. Once finished, the show predictably provides diary room comments concerning the nominations of Candice and Jessie. You know the drill. The nominees are pissed, the HOH is happy, and most of the rest of the house is relieved it’s not them. Ok, it is funny when Candice says she’s not going to cry, and is then shown crying in the diary room.

Elissa is talking to Amanda, and is happy with the nominations as she thought she’d be the first person evicted. Standing just a foot or two away is Candice, who gives her the stink eye. In the diary room she says that she thought she’d be put up because she was Rachel’s sister. “i’m back in this game, and I’m going to win this season of Big Brother.”

In the storage room, Nick and Jeremy celebrate the success of The Moving Company. Nick really doesn’t care who is going home as long as it is not one of them.

Jessie is now in the HOH, and she is freaking out. McCrae tells her to cool out, and assures Jessie that she’s just a pawn. McCrae admits in the diary room that he doesn’t really care if she goes home or not. Candice joins the gathering, and immediately starts laying in to McCrae. “I guess I should have been your fucking shadow or something.” Jessie leaves, and McCrae says he “doesn’t do well with conflict”. He reminds her that there is a third nominee, but Candice is still pissed. She says that it is perceived that he is in an alliance with the other boys, but McCrae denies it. Of course, this means that Candice is definitely going to win veto. “Game on for everybody.” Where is this Candice on the feeds?

We move on to MVP talk. Jeremy is wondering who it may be, and Jessie actually has a coherent thought. She believes it will be Elissa, thanks to her sister. Jeremy doesn’t like this favoritism. Just in case you forgot about the Rachel/Elissa connection, we get yet ANOTHER montage of every house guest predicting that Elissa will win thanks to Rachel.

This comes to a head when a number of people are in the HOH with Elissa, and Jeremy and Amanda are talking about this very fact. Elissa is coy, though. “I think my sister’s fans are going to vote for me, because she has awesome fans.” She then says her sister is a supermodel, and claims to be related to Giselle Buncheon. Jeremy is confused, as he has no idea who Giselle is.

Now we get the MVP segment. A barefooted lass heads into the diary room, and sure enough it is Elissa. She opens an envelope that announces her victory, and is shocked. SHOCKED! “This is crazy!” She goes into full Rachel mode to thank America for her victory.

Elissa then heads into the HOH with McCrae, and she tells him that she has indeed won. “I am so flattered, and so excited.” She says in the diary room that she wants him to help her pick that third nominee, and McCrae couldn’t be happier. He immediately points to David, because he is such an awesome competitor!

Elissa isn’t so sure, though. She thinks Nick is a “bigger threat”. She then asks for a promise not to put her up, and McCrae says that he HAS to if somebody is to be replaced. This does not make Elissa happy. “Why would you do that? This changes everything.” He tries to reassure her that she would be safe, but Elissa’s frozen mouth almost moves into a frowning position.

After commercials, it is time for filler. At least it’s not Elissa filler. Well, it’s almost worse, as we have to endure the Aaryn/David relationship. David informs her that he lives with his mother, and only works during the summer. Aaryn can’t believe it, but he thinks that she thinks it’s cool. No, she doesn’t.

With that, we move on to the unveiling of the MVP nomination. Elissa has “secretly” chosen...drum roll please...David. Aaryn is pissed! Even more pissed than David, who thinks he is the “most likable guy in the house”. Elissa explains that she did it to possibly get McCrae to not put her up as a replacement nominee.

It’s now time to choose the veto players. In a change from last year, David has to pick both of the other players. He pulls out Howard and Elissa’s names. Candice says she has to “bring her Candy Land A-Game if I want to win this veto”.

WIth the meeting adjourned, David and Aaryn head into the bedroom for some dry humping. That’s the way to cheer up a surfer. David, though, is still confused and betrayed. “I feel like the whole house is against me.” He thinks the entire house wants him gone, but everybody else that comes into the bedroom are just as confused.

Poor Aaryn is upset, though, that David would actually think any negative thoughts about her. “I’m all about helping him out. I care about him way more than the game.” She hides away in the photo booth area to cry until David comes along to apologize.

Oh, the little Aryan youth is pissed, and lays into him for making him cry in front of everybody. “It feels like betrayal.” David says that he’s “mind-boggled” that she’s pissed at him when it’s him that is on the block. “I didn’t realize it was that dramatic of a situation.” He asks her if they’re good, and she continues to bitch at him.

Elissa enters the bedroom where Jeremy and Jessie are sitting, and asks them who they believe won MVP. “You didn’t get it with all of your fans?” Jeremy complains that she had said that she’d win with all of her sister’s fans. “I never said that”, replies Elissa. In case you forgot, the clip from ten minutes earlier was played. Jeremy is pissed.

McCrae and Amanda are now in the HOH, and Amanda says that he can’t win the veto or he’ll look like “too much of a threat”. McCrae says he hopes he can trust her, and this pisses her off. He decides that the way to get her to trust him is to share a “juicy secret” with her, and informs Amanda that Elissa won MVP. She is not to share it with anybody. Amanda wants her to “come clean soon, or she’ll have a bigger target on her”.

Elissa then head into the HOH, and McCrae tells her that he just old Amanda the big secret. “You’re screwing me over! You hate me! I thought we were working together!” Downstairs, Amanda is recruiting people to “save” McCrae.

Jeremy wants to clear up the sister comments, and she claims she never said them. Elissa explains who Giselle is to Jeremy, who says that if he won MVP he’d tell her. For some reason, though, Elissa believes this is abusive behavior. Now Jeremy is a dope who in the house has shown some questionable traits, but he’s actually cool and calm here while Elissa goes into full Rachel mode.

It’s now veto competition time, and GinaMarie screeches something about some person from the American Baking Competition show hosting the event. I have no idea who this person is, or what show she’s is talking about. They head outside, and Howard is pleased he is going to see “honeys in honey”.

The competition is called the Big Brother Baking Competition. They have to crawl through the honey to the batter, where giant “blueberries” contain letters. Then those letters are to be used to spell a word. The longest word correctly spelled wins.

After the usual “I need to win” comments, the competition begins. I won’t bore you with the usual wacky comments from the competitors, and will just jump to the results. Howard correctly spelled “sailing”, but he doesn’t want to win. Jessie spelled “tumbled”, to tie Howard (who still is in the lead). Candice completely failed, spelling “rafts”. Amanda is not impressed. “Has nobody taken a third grade English class?”

David is even worse. He doesn’t have a word, which makes Andy laugh. Elissa then unveils her word, or should I say words, as she claims “potroasts” is a word. It’s obviously not. She’s “devastated”. It’s all up to McCrae, and he wins by default by spelling “delivery”. Even without trying, he has won veto. “This is like a huge pizza delivery with no tip.”

It’s time for some filler again, as Elissa and Helen talk about how hard it is to be on the show. At least Helen actually makes an appearance on tonight’s show. Helen says it’s “important for me to keep her spirits up”.

Back outside, Elissa ask to talk to McCrae, as she feels she has been betrayed by him. She attempts to talk him out of putting her up. It’s just not fair, as Jessie and Candice didn’t have a target on them like she has. Wait, have I heard this before? He says that he has to put her up, but that doesn’t mean she’s going home. McCrae admits to feeling guilty, but fourteen allies are better than one. “I can’t go against the wishes of the house.”

McCrae is now in the HOH, and Nick comes in to talk to him. He thinks the Moving Company shouldn’t use the veto at all to ensure “Blondie” goes home. Nick thinks that Elissa can be useful to them, and that David needs to go home. “He’s a mega threat.” McCrae, though, thinks he’ll be “target number one” if he doesn’t put her up, and says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

It’s now that time. Everybody fulfills their camera obligations. McCrae stares at the wall of keys, while the nominees and other cast members talk about how they don’t want to be on the block. McCrae finally calls them into the house, and announces that he is going to use the veto on Candice. She is then replaced by Elissa, and says it is because she “creates a lot of waves in here, and it would be better for the harmony of the house if you went home this week.”

You can guess the final comments. Candice is happy, Aaryn is not worried, and David is “not too thrilled”. Elissa gets the last word, and she is “really sad” to be on the block. “He betrayed my trust.” Oh wait, the real final word comes from McCrae, who says that Elissa is NOT the actual target.

There you have it. The Elissa Show, featuring fifteen other co-stars! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Are you starting to believe that Aryn is a controlling little twit? Or that David may be the dumbest person to ever appear on Big Brother? Comments please. Pretty please?

 

Monday
Jul012013

A Day In The Life Of: David

Today’s person of choice is America’s favorite surfer dude. A man who somehow has shown himself to the Big Brother powers as a physical threat who should be eliminated as soon as possible. A man who is in love with the Queen of the Aryan nation.

Most importantly, he’s a man who is oblivious to what is going on around him. He’s not fazed by going up as a replacement nominee. It’s all cool, dude. As long as he gets some sun, a nap or two, and a cute little blonde hanging onto him, everything is alright.

This particular day isn’t much different from most. He’s one of the last to rise, and does very little once he does wake up. He plops himself down on the living room couch, and has a chat with Andy. Or, to be quite honest, Andy does the talking. Its rare that you get a word in once he gets going, but David does query him on when he came out to his parents.

He then disappears for awhile again, but is then seen outside laying out by the pool with his boo. Let’s be real. As cute as she is, and even forgetting her non-PC comments, Aaryn is a needy little twit. She rambles on and on about nothing and everything. She has plans to move to L.A., or New York (with GinaMarie), or maybe even somewhere with him. She golfed once, and was great. She’s sick of school. It just goes on and on.

David is her perfect foil. He just smiles, nods his head, holds her hand, and occasionally says things like “you are the smartest, wittiest, most beautiful girl in Big Brother history”. He’s clearly desperate to get that dick wet.

After another period where he’s not found on the cams, until he’s again found with his lady friend. Kaitlin is cleaning the shower, and Aaryn bitches about how her sheets are dirty and that David hasn’t showered in two days. He’s a bit offended. “I do shower...after comps!”

The topic of dirt carries on for awhile longer, as they head into the bedroom. David’s clothes are piled all over the floor, as is their other meathead roommate, Jeremy. Once again, it’s not his fault. “Black Candice”, after all, has slept on those sheets, which brings on this comment from Aaryn - “at least it wasn’t Asian eyes”. Oh dear.

David is again a non-factor in the early evening. He’s seen tossing a sandbag for a bit, and is then again lying around the pool area with Nick and Jeremy. Yes, we have another non-PC event, as Jeremy goes on a long diatribe about the oral sex skills of redheads, brunettes, Asians, and African-Americans. Yes, this is a good crew.

Then something shocking happens. At approximately 6:45 PM Big Brother time, David is seen in the shower! His Aryan girl looks on in glee, and even gives him a kiss after it’s over. No tongue, though, as she won’t do that on camera. As his lady friend takes his place under the water, David wanders around the house before eating a bit of GinaMarie’s pizza. As more people join the kitchen crew, David is again a silent force as Jeremy decides to evaluate all of the women in the house.

The rest of the evening isn’t more scintillating. He sits with a group for awhile, and offers little to the conversation, and then moves on to another. Most of the time is spent with his girl, Jeremy and Kaitlin, and one might as well just watch on mute. This is particularly true when the foursome play pool, as that has NEVER been a great Big Brother cam to watch.

As we head into the late night portion of this report, I suggest you scroll down to Ash’s post. A lot of crap went down during the evening, most of it revolving around Aryan Girl and Jeremy. There’s a fight here, a fight there, a fight everywhere. What is amazing is that David is around during all of this yet has almost nothing to do with any of it! Even when talk comes that Jeremy’s actions may get David evicted, it’s like he’s not there! It is really an amazing job this guy does in always being an extra in his own play.

Yet, it is quite interesting that I’ve now done profiles on three different people that have all been on the block yet have done nothing to further their place in the house. David has done nothing to ensure his safety. I realize he thinks he’s safe because he’s been told Elissa is the target, but shouldn’t he be finding out if that indeed is the case? And how upset is he going to be when he finds out that his pal Jeremy is actually aware of the plan to save Elissa?

While I sort of shook my head when I first heard about the plot to save Elissa over David, I’m now kind of understanding. It is a bit of a wasted eviction, but if he’s not even going to really play the game, why not just send him packing? And maybe next week, his KKK-loving girl will join him on the beach.

 

Sunday
Jun302013

Big Brother Season 15, Episode 2 Recap

Tonight is one of the few times when the Sunday night show is full of unseen material, as it will consist of nothing but pre-live feed material. Hopefully, a few questions will be answered. Why are people shunning Elissa (besides the reasons I would do this)? Why are the current nominees on the block? How did the various alliances get formed? Most importantly, how did Jeremy go from Jessie to Kaitlin? And why would either girl even want him?

The drink is mixed, the Tylenol has been swallowed, and the garbage pail is next to me...so it must be time to begin! After the reminder of everything that happened on Wednesday’s show, we kick off with yet another recap! Yes, things have not changed in the Big Brother production department.

This replay is about the new MVP twist. In case you forgot what was said, Nick has to explain it to us once again. Everybody is scared because of the secrecy. “It kind of changes everything. You have to be nice to everybody.” Aaryn thinks it’s “awesome” as she’s going to win it “more than once”.

Meanwhile, Jessie says this makes it hard for the HOH, because one of his nominees may not go home. “Now you have two targets on your back.” The current HOH, McCrae, agrees, and looks worried. “I could get a lot of blood on my hands and not get what I wanted.”

We move into the lounge area, and Jeremy and Judd are complaining that it will be nothing but girls that win MVP. Judd says that Kaitlin will win, and Jeremy’s reply is that “she’s got my MVP”. They run down all of the hot girls in the house, and even I can understand Judd for the first time. Jeremy says that since he’ll never know who is the MVP, “I’m going to have to have a snuggle session with each and every one of these beautiful ladies. You know what, I don’t think that will be too hard.” Good luck with that, bra.

We’re now in the bathroom with the young hotties (Kaitlin, Aaryn, Jessie), and Kaitlin says she didn’t want to win HOH. Nick interrupts for a second, and after he walks away Kaitlin and Jessie talk about how cute he is. “It’s like we have things in common”, says Jessie. I’ll refrain from commenting on that. Kaitlin tells her to “go for it”. The three decides to create some code words for the boys - Kenneth (David), Manhattan (Nick), and The Sailor (Jeremy). Wait, they change Nick to “Big”. “You like the Sailor”, says Jessie. Both Aaryn and Kaitlin give dirty looks to that claim. Kaitlin goes on to make fun of his voice. (Foreshadowing alert!)

Ugh, it’s the “who wants to see my HOH room” segment. I hate this shit. I don’t give a fuck, even when they start making fun of Rachel. God, that awful whiney voice of Elissa now gets a diary room segment. She decides to not let anybody know they’re related. Yeah, that will last long.

It’s time for some filler, as Jeremy and Nick play some hackysack. Nick questions Jeremy about his thoughts on the house, and Nick wants to bring in Howard and Spencer. Jeremy just says yes to everything, and he is excited because those two are already in an alliance with him. “I’m cool with that plan.”

Nick moves on to those two to invite them in, and they both agree. Nick wants to have a late-night chat with all of them so that they can bring McCrae into the fold. After showing some weird hippy dance from McCrae, Nick does come in to butter him up. McCrae wants to guess the list of this alliance, and he guesses correctly except for Spencer. McCrae agrees this is a good idea, saying “this is a good offer. An offer I shouldn’t refuse.”

Spencer, Jeremy and Howard then head up, and they go through all of their roles. Jeremy says he is “flabbergasted by all of the talent in this room.” Nick thinks this whole group will be final five, but thinks that David is their one big threat. McCrae thinks he should put up two girls, with the real plan to go after him. Howard says “if you put up the right two, they’ll kill each other anyway”. Nick says that getting rid of him will make it so that the only other physical threat is removed.

The meeting adjourns with the most important part of the conversation - the alliance name. I’m actually surprised they took this long. Remember when The Brigade came up with the name before they even created their team? Yeah, so this is called The Moving Company. McCrae says he “feels amazing” to be both HOH AND have a power alliance!

After commercials, it’s showmance time! David asks Aaryn to go sit in the hammock, saying that she is the perfect girl for him. She immediately starts talking about how in competitions, he has to save her. “I just like really need you to like work hard and make sure that I stay safe and I’ll never put you up.” They’re a power couple, yo! David says this is perfect, as he came into the house MORE for a showmance than the money anyway. “She’s way smarter than me, and I’m ready for some action.”

Jessie is clearly boy crazy, and complains to Amanda that she doesn’t know who she likes. Amanda suggest either Nick or Jeremy, and she does like both of them. Amanda asks if she gets any vibes from Nick, and Jessie says that they flirt. She wants Amanda to go ask him if she likes him, and Amanda complains it is like being at a Bieber show. She does a pretty good job at impersonating her, actually. Jessie’s main problem is that she doesn’t want to look stupid. Too late, baby. Amanda suggests that she just go sleep with McCrae instead. (For those watching the feeds, that’s an interesting comment.)

Oooh, it’s J-U-DOUBLE-D time! He is in the HOH with McCrae, and informs him that “I know for a fact that Elissa is Rachel Reilly’s sister”. McCrae actually didn’t know until that moment, and realizes that she really is a clone. Others are talking about the same thing. In fact, everybody is talking about it. David is completely perplexed, in fact. “Aaryn is one smart cookie.” Um, no. She’s not. Stop it. And please stop this segment. It’s gone on way way too long, even though it is funny that Amanda is embarrassed that she didn’t figure it out.

We return from another commercial break with the Have/Have Not competition. McCrae is dressed like a safari guide, and announces the rules for the game. It’s called Kooler and the Gang, and it’s a giant campground. Judd is happy because it’s “almost like home”. They have to race across the lake, grab a soda can, and place it on a platform held by the rest of the team. Another then runs in, and they have to form a pyramid with these cans.

After some comments about how they just can’t be a Have-not, the competition begins. I won’t bore you with a play-by-play, but the losers end up being Andy, Howard, Elissa, Judd, and Helen. The segment ends with the unveiling of the Have-Not room, a recreation of the inside of an airplane, and they all complain.

Now a handful are sitting outside, rehashing the Have-Not competition. They all make fun of Judd’s paddling, and then Amanda says she wants to “fucking vent”. Kaitlin immediately starts complaining about how Candice wouldn’t listen to any direction, and that she liked her until that night. Amanda doesn’t disagree. “She’s got to go”, says Kaitlin.

Amanda is sucking on a popsicle in the HOH when we return from more adverts, discussing with McCrae how tough it must be to the be the first HOH. Amanda says “everybody wants a slice of the pizza boy” (oh, how I could have fun with that line), and she wants to have a voice in the nominee selections. She goes on to tell him that nobody likes Jessie, and that it’s not smart to put up strong guys. “Jessie has a way better ass than me, and I’m a little jealous”, she says in the diary room. McCrae is confused. “Putting up weak players can definitely keep the target off of my back, but it could be a waste of my HOH.” Smart thinking, pizza boy.

A bit later, Elissa walks into the room. She apologizes for not knocking, and says in the diary room that she’s worried that the secret will be “coming out soon”. She decides to tell McCrae, and he tells her that she doesn’t want to act like Rachel did during her time. As a superfan, though, he claims to be excited. It’s exciting to have her around, but “if I don’t try to take her out, it could come back to haunt me.”

Now Jessie,  Aaryn, and David are in the HOH, asking what his plans are. McCrae says the idea is to come up with something that ensure his safety for the next week. Jessie says the safe move would be Elissa and Helen, with Elissa being the target. “She’s for sure 100% to be Rachel’s sister. And what if she’s not even here to play the actual game? What if she’s here for like as sabotage?” Hmmm, maybe David is right. Aaryn is smart, you guys! Poor McCrae is even more confused. “Bottom line is that I have to play this game for me!”

Before we get to the nominees, The Moving Company has a meeting. Well, Nick and McCrae do. Nick wants two girls up, or possibly David. Elissa’s name is also brought up once again.

Finally, we’re at the moment of truth. Will the nominee be surfer boy? Will it be the dim bulb booty chicks? Or will we get the thrill of our life and see that Reilly monster sweat it out as a nominee?

McCrae brings in the house, and the keys start coming out. The first key belongs to Nick, followed by Jeremy, David, Aaryn, Kaitlin, GinaMarie, Elissa, Helen, Amanda, Andy, Howard, Spencer, and Judd. Jessie and Candice are nominated!

McCrae gives generic bullshit reasons for his nominations, which pisses off Jessie. She says she’s going to win POV and come after him. Elissa is so relieved, as she was convinced she’d be put up every week “just like Rachel”. Candice says she’s “not ready to go home”, and cries as she wants to win. McCrae explains that he put up the two least favorite people in the house, and hopes that the MVP is the one to get blood on their hands.

So that’s it! We didn’t get all of our questions answered, but quite a few of them. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Does the nominations now make sense? Let me know your thoughts!

 

Saturday
Jun292013

Big Brother Gossip Show #302: First Week Jitters

why would anyone listen to this crap? - Evel Dick

Hmmm, let me see.. losers that never played, talking out of their ass? Or someone who has played and won? - Evel Dick

You're better off talking with your friends who watch... They have about as much insight. - Evel Dick

I have farts more entertaining - Evel Dick

Yes, it's safe to say that Evel Dick is not a fan of The Big Brother Gossip Show. But he did apparently listen for awhile, as do quite a few of you on a weekly basis. And we thank  you. This week's show covered the first three days of the live feeds, and what a start to the season. Alcoholics and "Sea World" and nutjobs and silly alliances, oh my!

Grab this show via the itunes store, Scott's Ledge app, or...

 

As always, much thanks to the cohosts, Colette Lala and Mike, and also to Ash for working her ass off on clips. Please leave us a comment in iTunes. Ok?