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Monday
Jul012013

A Day In The Life Of: David

Today’s person of choice is America’s favorite surfer dude. A man who somehow has shown himself to the Big Brother powers as a physical threat who should be eliminated as soon as possible. A man who is in love with the Queen of the Aryan nation.

Most importantly, he’s a man who is oblivious to what is going on around him. He’s not fazed by going up as a replacement nominee. It’s all cool, dude. As long as he gets some sun, a nap or two, and a cute little blonde hanging onto him, everything is alright.

This particular day isn’t much different from most. He’s one of the last to rise, and does very little once he does wake up. He plops himself down on the living room couch, and has a chat with Andy. Or, to be quite honest, Andy does the talking. Its rare that you get a word in once he gets going, but David does query him on when he came out to his parents.

He then disappears for awhile again, but is then seen outside laying out by the pool with his boo. Let’s be real. As cute as she is, and even forgetting her non-PC comments, Aaryn is a needy little twit. She rambles on and on about nothing and everything. She has plans to move to L.A., or New York (with GinaMarie), or maybe even somewhere with him. She golfed once, and was great. She’s sick of school. It just goes on and on.

David is her perfect foil. He just smiles, nods his head, holds her hand, and occasionally says things like “you are the smartest, wittiest, most beautiful girl in Big Brother history”. He’s clearly desperate to get that dick wet.

After another period where he’s not found on the cams, until he’s again found with his lady friend. Kaitlin is cleaning the shower, and Aaryn bitches about how her sheets are dirty and that David hasn’t showered in two days. He’s a bit offended. “I do shower...after comps!”

The topic of dirt carries on for awhile longer, as they head into the bedroom. David’s clothes are piled all over the floor, as is their other meathead roommate, Jeremy. Once again, it’s not his fault. “Black Candice”, after all, has slept on those sheets, which brings on this comment from Aaryn - “at least it wasn’t Asian eyes”. Oh dear.

David is again a non-factor in the early evening. He’s seen tossing a sandbag for a bit, and is then again lying around the pool area with Nick and Jeremy. Yes, we have another non-PC event, as Jeremy goes on a long diatribe about the oral sex skills of redheads, brunettes, Asians, and African-Americans. Yes, this is a good crew.

Then something shocking happens. At approximately 6:45 PM Big Brother time, David is seen in the shower! His Aryan girl looks on in glee, and even gives him a kiss after it’s over. No tongue, though, as she won’t do that on camera. As his lady friend takes his place under the water, David wanders around the house before eating a bit of GinaMarie’s pizza. As more people join the kitchen crew, David is again a silent force as Jeremy decides to evaluate all of the women in the house.

The rest of the evening isn’t more scintillating. He sits with a group for awhile, and offers little to the conversation, and then moves on to another. Most of the time is spent with his girl, Jeremy and Kaitlin, and one might as well just watch on mute. This is particularly true when the foursome play pool, as that has NEVER been a great Big Brother cam to watch.

As we head into the late night portion of this report, I suggest you scroll down to Ash’s post. A lot of crap went down during the evening, most of it revolving around Aryan Girl and Jeremy. There’s a fight here, a fight there, a fight everywhere. What is amazing is that David is around during all of this yet has almost nothing to do with any of it! Even when talk comes that Jeremy’s actions may get David evicted, it’s like he’s not there! It is really an amazing job this guy does in always being an extra in his own play.

Yet, it is quite interesting that I’ve now done profiles on three different people that have all been on the block yet have done nothing to further their place in the house. David has done nothing to ensure his safety. I realize he thinks he’s safe because he’s been told Elissa is the target, but shouldn’t he be finding out if that indeed is the case? And how upset is he going to be when he finds out that his pal Jeremy is actually aware of the plan to save Elissa?

While I sort of shook my head when I first heard about the plot to save Elissa over David, I’m now kind of understanding. It is a bit of a wasted eviction, but if he’s not even going to really play the game, why not just send him packing? And maybe next week, his KKK-loving girl will join him on the beach.

 

Sunday
Jun302013

Big Brother Season 15, Episode 2 Recap

Tonight is one of the few times when the Sunday night show is full of unseen material, as it will consist of nothing but pre-live feed material. Hopefully, a few questions will be answered. Why are people shunning Elissa (besides the reasons I would do this)? Why are the current nominees on the block? How did the various alliances get formed? Most importantly, how did Jeremy go from Jessie to Kaitlin? And why would either girl even want him?

The drink is mixed, the Tylenol has been swallowed, and the garbage pail is next to me...so it must be time to begin! After the reminder of everything that happened on Wednesday’s show, we kick off with yet another recap! Yes, things have not changed in the Big Brother production department.

This replay is about the new MVP twist. In case you forgot what was said, Nick has to explain it to us once again. Everybody is scared because of the secrecy. “It kind of changes everything. You have to be nice to everybody.” Aaryn thinks it’s “awesome” as she’s going to win it “more than once”.

Meanwhile, Jessie says this makes it hard for the HOH, because one of his nominees may not go home. “Now you have two targets on your back.” The current HOH, McCrae, agrees, and looks worried. “I could get a lot of blood on my hands and not get what I wanted.”

We move into the lounge area, and Jeremy and Judd are complaining that it will be nothing but girls that win MVP. Judd says that Kaitlin will win, and Jeremy’s reply is that “she’s got my MVP”. They run down all of the hot girls in the house, and even I can understand Judd for the first time. Jeremy says that since he’ll never know who is the MVP, “I’m going to have to have a snuggle session with each and every one of these beautiful ladies. You know what, I don’t think that will be too hard.” Good luck with that, bra.

We’re now in the bathroom with the young hotties (Kaitlin, Aaryn, Jessie), and Kaitlin says she didn’t want to win HOH. Nick interrupts for a second, and after he walks away Kaitlin and Jessie talk about how cute he is. “It’s like we have things in common”, says Jessie. I’ll refrain from commenting on that. Kaitlin tells her to “go for it”. The three decides to create some code words for the boys - Kenneth (David), Manhattan (Nick), and The Sailor (Jeremy). Wait, they change Nick to “Big”. “You like the Sailor”, says Jessie. Both Aaryn and Kaitlin give dirty looks to that claim. Kaitlin goes on to make fun of his voice. (Foreshadowing alert!)

Ugh, it’s the “who wants to see my HOH room” segment. I hate this shit. I don’t give a fuck, even when they start making fun of Rachel. God, that awful whiney voice of Elissa now gets a diary room segment. She decides to not let anybody know they’re related. Yeah, that will last long.

It’s time for some filler, as Jeremy and Nick play some hackysack. Nick questions Jeremy about his thoughts on the house, and Nick wants to bring in Howard and Spencer. Jeremy just says yes to everything, and he is excited because those two are already in an alliance with him. “I’m cool with that plan.”

Nick moves on to those two to invite them in, and they both agree. Nick wants to have a late-night chat with all of them so that they can bring McCrae into the fold. After showing some weird hippy dance from McCrae, Nick does come in to butter him up. McCrae wants to guess the list of this alliance, and he guesses correctly except for Spencer. McCrae agrees this is a good idea, saying “this is a good offer. An offer I shouldn’t refuse.”

Spencer, Jeremy and Howard then head up, and they go through all of their roles. Jeremy says he is “flabbergasted by all of the talent in this room.” Nick thinks this whole group will be final five, but thinks that David is their one big threat. McCrae thinks he should put up two girls, with the real plan to go after him. Howard says “if you put up the right two, they’ll kill each other anyway”. Nick says that getting rid of him will make it so that the only other physical threat is removed.

The meeting adjourns with the most important part of the conversation - the alliance name. I’m actually surprised they took this long. Remember when The Brigade came up with the name before they even created their team? Yeah, so this is called The Moving Company. McCrae says he “feels amazing” to be both HOH AND have a power alliance!

After commercials, it’s showmance time! David asks Aaryn to go sit in the hammock, saying that she is the perfect girl for him. She immediately starts talking about how in competitions, he has to save her. “I just like really need you to like work hard and make sure that I stay safe and I’ll never put you up.” They’re a power couple, yo! David says this is perfect, as he came into the house MORE for a showmance than the money anyway. “She’s way smarter than me, and I’m ready for some action.”

Jessie is clearly boy crazy, and complains to Amanda that she doesn’t know who she likes. Amanda suggest either Nick or Jeremy, and she does like both of them. Amanda asks if she gets any vibes from Nick, and Jessie says that they flirt. She wants Amanda to go ask him if she likes him, and Amanda complains it is like being at a Bieber show. She does a pretty good job at impersonating her, actually. Jessie’s main problem is that she doesn’t want to look stupid. Too late, baby. Amanda suggests that she just go sleep with McCrae instead. (For those watching the feeds, that’s an interesting comment.)

Oooh, it’s J-U-DOUBLE-D time! He is in the HOH with McCrae, and informs him that “I know for a fact that Elissa is Rachel Reilly’s sister”. McCrae actually didn’t know until that moment, and realizes that she really is a clone. Others are talking about the same thing. In fact, everybody is talking about it. David is completely perplexed, in fact. “Aaryn is one smart cookie.” Um, no. She’s not. Stop it. And please stop this segment. It’s gone on way way too long, even though it is funny that Amanda is embarrassed that she didn’t figure it out.

We return from another commercial break with the Have/Have Not competition. McCrae is dressed like a safari guide, and announces the rules for the game. It’s called Kooler and the Gang, and it’s a giant campground. Judd is happy because it’s “almost like home”. They have to race across the lake, grab a soda can, and place it on a platform held by the rest of the team. Another then runs in, and they have to form a pyramid with these cans.

After some comments about how they just can’t be a Have-not, the competition begins. I won’t bore you with a play-by-play, but the losers end up being Andy, Howard, Elissa, Judd, and Helen. The segment ends with the unveiling of the Have-Not room, a recreation of the inside of an airplane, and they all complain.

Now a handful are sitting outside, rehashing the Have-Not competition. They all make fun of Judd’s paddling, and then Amanda says she wants to “fucking vent”. Kaitlin immediately starts complaining about how Candice wouldn’t listen to any direction, and that she liked her until that night. Amanda doesn’t disagree. “She’s got to go”, says Kaitlin.

Amanda is sucking on a popsicle in the HOH when we return from more adverts, discussing with McCrae how tough it must be to the be the first HOH. Amanda says “everybody wants a slice of the pizza boy” (oh, how I could have fun with that line), and she wants to have a voice in the nominee selections. She goes on to tell him that nobody likes Jessie, and that it’s not smart to put up strong guys. “Jessie has a way better ass than me, and I’m a little jealous”, she says in the diary room. McCrae is confused. “Putting up weak players can definitely keep the target off of my back, but it could be a waste of my HOH.” Smart thinking, pizza boy.

A bit later, Elissa walks into the room. She apologizes for not knocking, and says in the diary room that she’s worried that the secret will be “coming out soon”. She decides to tell McCrae, and he tells her that she doesn’t want to act like Rachel did during her time. As a superfan, though, he claims to be excited. It’s exciting to have her around, but “if I don’t try to take her out, it could come back to haunt me.”

Now Jessie,  Aaryn, and David are in the HOH, asking what his plans are. McCrae says the idea is to come up with something that ensure his safety for the next week. Jessie says the safe move would be Elissa and Helen, with Elissa being the target. “She’s for sure 100% to be Rachel’s sister. And what if she’s not even here to play the actual game? What if she’s here for like as sabotage?” Hmmm, maybe David is right. Aaryn is smart, you guys! Poor McCrae is even more confused. “Bottom line is that I have to play this game for me!”

Before we get to the nominees, The Moving Company has a meeting. Well, Nick and McCrae do. Nick wants two girls up, or possibly David. Elissa’s name is also brought up once again.

Finally, we’re at the moment of truth. Will the nominee be surfer boy? Will it be the dim bulb booty chicks? Or will we get the thrill of our life and see that Reilly monster sweat it out as a nominee?

McCrae brings in the house, and the keys start coming out. The first key belongs to Nick, followed by Jeremy, David, Aaryn, Kaitlin, GinaMarie, Elissa, Helen, Amanda, Andy, Howard, Spencer, and Judd. Jessie and Candice are nominated!

McCrae gives generic bullshit reasons for his nominations, which pisses off Jessie. She says she’s going to win POV and come after him. Elissa is so relieved, as she was convinced she’d be put up every week “just like Rachel”. Candice says she’s “not ready to go home”, and cries as she wants to win. McCrae explains that he put up the two least favorite people in the house, and hopes that the MVP is the one to get blood on their hands.

So that’s it! We didn’t get all of our questions answered, but quite a few of them. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Does the nominations now make sense? Let me know your thoughts!

 

Saturday
Jun292013

Big Brother Gossip Show #302: First Week Jitters

why would anyone listen to this crap? - Evel Dick

Hmmm, let me see.. losers that never played, talking out of their ass? Or someone who has played and won? - Evel Dick

You're better off talking with your friends who watch... They have about as much insight. - Evel Dick

I have farts more entertaining - Evel Dick

Yes, it's safe to say that Evel Dick is not a fan of The Big Brother Gossip Show. But he did apparently listen for awhile, as do quite a few of you on a weekly basis. And we thank  you. This week's show covered the first three days of the live feeds, and what a start to the season. Alcoholics and "Sea World" and nutjobs and silly alliances, oh my!

Grab this show via the itunes store, Scott's Ledge app, or...

DIRECTLY DOWNLOAD/STREAM IT BY CLICKING HERE!!!

As always, much thanks to the cohosts, Colette Lala and Mike, and also to Ash for working her ass off on clips. Please leave us a comment in iTunes. Ok? 


Saturday
Jun292013

A Day In The Life Of: Candice

(Note: In an effort to try something new this year, this post is the second of a new series of profiles. Throughout the season, I’m going to pick one person and try to follow them on the feeds all day. I have some doubt that I’ll be able to devote the necessary time to accomplish this, though. I’m starting off with the first nominees, as obviously this will be my only chance to get one of these peeps.)

Today, I’m following around Candice, the pageant girl who greatly annoyed me in her pre-show interviews. Apparently, she was involved in some blowout before the feeds went live, and this must be the reason she is on the block.

This is a good day to follow anybody around, as Big Brother allows them to sleep in pretty late. Around ten, she makes her way down to the kitchen, as she’s in charge of today’s breakfast. Aaryn mentions that her ass looked good in the dress she was wearing the previous night, and we get a bit of a flirtatious “donkey boot” discussion with Howard. She’s going to try to go all day without swearing, and anytime she does Howard has permission to spank her ass. “The question is, do you like being spanked”, replies Howard. “Oh yes.” Ok then.

Most of the house ends up outside while this marathon cooking session goes on. Seriously, two hours to make pancakes? It’s a bit of a success, I guess, although a bit later GinaMarie and Spencer are complaining about the amount of “extra junk” she added. Candice interrupts this conversation (which was about more than food), and GinaMarie flips her off when she leaves a few minutes later. GinaMarie tells Spencer that if the Elissa thing doesn’t work, then Jessie should go because Candice’s blow-ups “will make her a constant target”. What blowups? We haven’t seen anything.

For the rest of the house, the early afternoon is bikini time. Except for Candice. Just like Jessie yesterday, Candice disappears for hours, before she finally is shown on camera sitting with McCrae, Jessie, and Howard. This convo doesn’t last too long on the feeds, and a few minutes later we hear her being called into the diary room.

She is in out of the feeds for the rest of the afternoon. We do see her hovering around the photo booth after it was unveiled to the house, and is seen laying around outside. Yet she’s completely unseen during the various fights, including the fake one involving Elissa and Amanda. She reappears shortly after that one, though, kind of explaining to Aaryn and Jessie what happened. Game talk ends shortly after that, and we get some scintillating chatter about vaginal shaving, Evel Dick’s departure, and what roles each of them were cast. The only real game chatter is Candice saying that at this point, her “fate is in other’s hands”. She’s just going to enjoy her time, and live with the consequences.

More time passes before we see her laying on the HOH bed, talking to Helen and Andy. This discussion is about Elissa, and her decision to not fess up to being a Reilly. One theory is that she may be on a task of sorts to keep it a secret. Candice complains about how you can’t have a real conversation with her, and she throws out lines about charity work in chats that don’t have anything to do with such a thing. “She said it like fifty times.”

One complaint does make a bit of sense, though. Elissa has said a million times that she wanted to come in the house and create a girl’s alliance, but then does nothing but attack them. Helen heads out the door, and asks Candice if she is coming, too. “I think I want to have a little time.”

She disappears from the feeds again for hours, except for a couple of shots that show her and Jessie sleeping. There’s two of your nominees - sleeping off a very important day.

In the late afternoon, she shows up sitting around the hot tub, as Spencer and Adam are droning on about horror movies and comic books. She pipes in a bit about historical spots in New Orleans, but for the most part just listens to the others.

We’re now in the early evening, and Candice has me looking to sleep. Seriously, she has done nothing today! She admits to it, though, telling various people how she has slept away most of the day. She asks Spencer a couple of questions about how the feeds work, which he replies with erroneous information.

The rest of the night is similar. She pops up here and there, but has little to say. At one point, she babbles about her choice of favorite animals. Is it a smart move for a nominee to do nothing a day before the veto ceremony? In a house where something is going on at any moment, shouldn’t she be putting herself out there as a person that can be an asset? She’s clueless about the Moving Company, the Bieber Wiebers (or whatever they’re called), and every other little cluster of imbeciles! She’s not long for this game.

 

Friday
Jun282013

A Day In The Life Of: Jessie

(Note: In an effort to try something new this year, this post is the start of a new series of profiles. Throughout the season, I’m going to pick one person and try to follow them on the feeds all day. I have some doubt that I’ll be able to devote the necessary time to accomplish this, though. I’m starting off with the first nominees, as obviously this will be my only chance to get one of these peeps.)

Our first glimpse of Jessie was not the best. Throughout the entire CBS premiere, she proclaimed herself the prettiest girl in the house. I immediately pegged her as this year’s Danielle. Last year’s Danielle, not Evel Dick’s brat.

When the feeds came on, though, we saw a sad, sad girl sitting with a giant frown on her face. Apparently, she had set her sights on Jeremy, and they had a moment or two in the early days. That dirty girl Kaitlin came along, though, and Jessie was kicked to the curb.

Oh yeah, Jessie was also put on the block. Something tells me that being dumped hurt more than being on the block.

So this day begins inauspiciously for our poor little nominee. She wanders into the bathroom around the same time as the rest of the girls (and a couple of the boys), and performs the morning ritual of brushing her teeth and applying makeup. She says little, and doesn’t respond at all to the entrance of Elissa and her complaints about the messy nature of the bathroom. The only highlight of this portion of the day is when she shares a laugh with Aaryn by making fun of Rachel’s voice and laugh.

A bit later, she plops herself down in the living room with coffee and a muffin, joining a handful of other people. Unfortunately, two of them are Kaitlin and Jeremy, who are pretty much on top of each other on the opposite couch. Awwwkward. She is pretty much a mute during this time, even after Kaitlin wanders off.

After Jeremy ends up in the bedroom with Kaitlin, Jessie surprises nobody by ending up in that same room, doing her nails while sitting on the adjoining bed. Does she follow them everywhere? This time, it is Jeremy’s turn to leave, and Kaitlin pretends to sleep. A few minutes later, Jessie is back in the living room for more idle chatter.

Then something very strange happens. She disappears! For the next few hours, she doesn’t show up on any of the feeds. Even Elissa’s Bible reading gets some airtime during that period, but absolutely no sign of Jessie.

Mid-afternoon, she finally appears, playing chess with Spencer. David, who is looking on, asks her some questions about her cheerleading days, and Jessie leaps to her feet to show off her skills.

Not long after that, the MVP ceremony blocks the feeds, and when we return Jessie is silently sitting in the HOH as Elissa and Jeremy exchange barbs. Once Elissa departs, Jessie remains silent until she interrupts McRae’s CD time by asking about the amount of time there usually was between the ceremony and the veto competition in previous season.

Once again seemingly evaporated into the house vapor, it’s another hour before we see her again. After bitching about Elissa, Kaitlin storms out of the HOH and walks right by Jessie and Elissa. According to Kaitlin, Elissa was asking Jessie if she’d consider putting up Kaitlin in the future. Jessie denies this, saying that Elissa was actually asking her to form an alliance. “I’m not making a deal with the devil”, she claims.

They actually have a civil conversation for quite some time, which proves the theory that a rival bitch is the one thing that will bring together two catty girls who have been fighting over a man.

The best part of this conversation comes at the end, as Jessie looks at the camera and says, “if you vote for me for MVP next week I’ll flash my boobs.” Kaitlin agrees, and they both head up to the HOH to bitch some more about Elissa.

For the next half hour or so, she lies around in the HOH, until suddenly she complains to Nick about his bed-sharing with GinaMarie. Seriously, girl, is there any guy in that house that is safe from you? He plays it off, and they talk a bit about his diet. Nick doesn’t eat junk food, and he credits his parents.

Around this time, David and Aaryn had a fight over a conversation he had with Elissa after the MVP meeting. It’s off-topic for this post, but you should go check it out, as Aaryn is very clingy and scary. Jessie now heads downstairs to talk to David about that fight. After she gets that out of the way, she attempts to talk him into throwing the veto competition to give her a better shot at winning. Then she can be replaced by Elissa! “The only person who wants you out is the person who put you up!”

David is obviously not too comfortable with that plan, and they talk a bit about who the MVP really is. David thinks it is possible that Nick is the actual MVP, but they both agree that it’s possible that the vote was rigged to ensure Elissa’s survival. You think?

It was around this time that the feeds went to trivia, meaning it was veto competition time. When the feeds came back, McCrae had won but the only sad person was Elissa. As she cleaned up, she complained to Aaryn (and then GinaMarie) how hard it was to figure out what to do. Ten minutes later, she was still explaining. She loves scrabble, you know! “I had some extra vowels.”

A bit later, Aaryn and her decide to take a bubble bath, and head upstairs to ask permission. With that granted, they climb in shortly after starting the water, but one really can’t hear anything they’re saying. Jessie wonders if there’s ever been sex in the tub, but otherwise it’s just silly talk. Jeremy joins them, and a number of others stand around chatting about Elissa.

Once the bath ends, Jessie again disappears for quite some time, and we find out later that she was cleaning the kitchen. She spends a bit of time back in the HOH before finally calling it a night.

This has been a somewhat interesting way to watch the feeds. You really don’t notice how people suddenly aren’t present on any cams. Did you enjoy this little experiment? Should I carry on with others in the house?

 

Thursday
Jun272013

POV Results

Details are scarce, but McCrae won the veto, and Elissa is not happy (as she shouldn't be). The rest of the house is jumping for joy, though. Apparently, the comp involved honey; lots of honey, along with spelling, and they're all covered with it. 

Now they have booze.

Thursday
Jun272013

It's In The Genes

If there was any doubt where this creature Elissa came from, this latest conversation with McCrae erased it. She had been pretty quiet throughout the morning, taking a lot of time with the Bible. (Oh yes, I can see the CBS edit now.) Then she headed up to the HOH to talk to McCrae, and it was right out of the Rachel playbook. There were lots of babbling how the audience would love to see the two of them work together, and how Aaryn has been bullying her. It's gone on, and the only difference is that Elissa does this in a more passive-aggressive voice than Rachel's high pitched whine. It's the same speech, though, almost word for word.

Look, I can understand that she's worried about being put up. She should fight to stay in if that's the case. But of all the targets in the house, it's not coincidental that her main enemy is the pretty little blonde girl. It's not somebody who is an actual threat to go far. It's somebody who knows nothing about the game. Kind of reminiscent of Rachel versus Cassie, right?

Thursday
Jun272013

First Night Jitters

With the first CBS show under our belt, we had some time to kill before the feeds went live. How did you spend that time? In my case, it was primarily drinking. As time clicked closer and closer to 11 pm (I'm a central time zoner), the anticipation grew. Just how different were these people from what we saw on the show? Was Jessie still bragging about her hotness? Has Elissa taken over the show, ala her sister's two seasons?

The time finally came, and a quick refresh of my browser and this is what I saw:

YES! Girl party!

Unfortunately, the eastern portion of the country didn't see this. They saw nothing. Apparently, there was a glitch of some sort caused by the fact it was past midnight, and the official Big Brother clock was a different date than my east coast friends. It was discovered that if they backtracked a few hours, and then hit live, they'd be online. Or if they changed their computer's clock.

So what did we see? The first thing I noticed was a sad Jessie. This was not the over-confident, self-procliamed "hot girl" we saw on the CBS broadcast. Nope, she was a pure mope.

We found out a bit later that there were two reasons for her attitude. One reason was that she was nominated for by McCrae (along with Candice), and, probably more importantly in her mind, she was having boy problems with Jeremy. I guess we do have a love triangle in the house, with the third party being the lovely Kaitlin.

There's also another couple in the house. Aaryn is with David and there's talk that they knew each other before the show. This needs further investigation. There was also supposedly a pre-live feed cat fight that involved Candice. I don't know much about this at this point.

They boys all have alliances with each other, and most of them have multiple alliances. They're playing hard right off the back, particularly Nick. I have to say I completely misjudged him in the pre-show videos. He may ultimately hurt himself by playing so hard so fast, but he is a smart cookie.

For a guy like me, this is a wonderful cast. All of the girls are relatively attractive. Candice is the least appealing for me, but even she cannot be described in derogatory terms. For female fans, though, it's a disaster. Seriously, these dudes are all dorks! Why oh why do multiple women want stupid Jeremy?

I didn't last long with the feeds last night, as the effects of the alcohol made me weary. There's also the fact that the first night of feeds is a bit of a cluster fuck in multiple voices babbling at the same time. But at least there was no "Big Booty".

Wednesday
Jun262013

Big Brother Season 15, Episode 1 Recap

The wait is finally over. Nine months since that little weasel Ian shocked the world by winning season 14, the fifteenth season is about to commence. We’ve sat through various rumors and carefully-released info concerning this new season, and we’re not entirely sure what is going to happen tonight. What is this “MVP” stuff? How is this third nominee setup going to work? Why is another Reilly on the show?

I’m starting this recap an hour early, writing a few words as I prepare for tonight’s show. I’ve got the Slingbox set up to grab screen caps. The first whiskey-coke has been consumed, and the second one is about to be mixed. Next to my drink, I have aspirin, Rolaids, and Xanax. I also have a garbage can to my side, ready for the vomit that will undoubtedly come up when Elissa first utters a word. I think I’m ready.

Before we get to the show, though, a couple of other points of interest and disclaimers. If you haven’t yet my profiles of each of this year’s contestants, you may want to check them out. I’m bound to go back to them just to see if my first impressions inside the house differ from what I’ve published and/or said on last Saturday’s Big Brother Gossip Show. It is next to impossible to get a clear picture of these folks, especially based on twenty minutes or so of video interviews.

I’m also not a fan of many of the Big Brother cliches, particularly on the first show of the season. You won’t see much coverage of the phony footage of house guests receiving their keys at work or home, nor will I say much about the rush into the house. And I really don’t give a shit about the house layout, or the new front of the house that was unveiled in a photo earlier today. I still would love to see CBS copy the UK’s Big Brother and make the first episode a real event. That would make too much sense, though.

The time is now here, and the anticipation is high! Hey wait, it’s starting with  Julie Chen in the house! That’s new! After a bit of her babbling, we kick off with the handing of the keys to the new houseguests. Helen is first, and she is hysterical. Well, they all are a bit.

Oooh, the first shot of Aaryn is smoking! She also says she’s a dirty girl. I think I’m in love! Nick is next, and he babbles some more about the Spiderman garbage that he said in his interviews. Helen then talks about being a mom who works in politics. “Big Brother is no different.” Spencer is shown conducting trains to end that first group.

Then the nightmare begins. The surfer dude, David, gets his key (“no frickin’ way”), and there is that voice. The scream of the banshees. The voice that causes dogs to howl for miles away. Yes, Rachel is shown handing her sister, Elissa, her key. I can’t. I just can’t comment more.

David thinks he’s a stud, Elissa shows her yoga skills (with more Rachel garbage), Andy is shown teaching college, and my girl Kaitlin’s eyebrows show up. Sorry, Colette, she is still hot.

Another group of goofballs is then introduced, starting with pizza boy McCrae. He’s a self-professed clown, guys. Then it’s on to pageant director, GinaMarie, youth counselor Howard, and helium-voice Jessie. I’m actually not paying much attention to what these people are saying.

Finally, the last four include deck boy Jeremy, big breasted realtor Amanda (hi, Amanda’s ad), pageant girl Candice, and country boy J-U-DoubleD. Um, yeah.

We then see more reactions of all of them, including Elissa’s “vision board” of past winners (gross). Again, I’m not real interested here.

Suddenly, they’re all on the stage, and Julie is asking if they’re ready. Guess what their response is? She says this year will be harder than ever, and the usual stuff they say every season.

First into the house are Candice, GinaMarie, Judd, and Andy. They run in to the usual “OMG” and various screeches. Judd seems to attempt to grab GinaMarie, though. Good luck with that, and babbles something incomprehensible about her. GinaMarie runs into the shower to see if her boobs will show. They do.

A bad edit leads us to the next group, which consists of Elissa, Jeremy, Kaitlyn, and McCrae. Wash and rinse, as it is about the same as the first group. Jeremy ends up in the bathroom while looking for a bedroom. McCrae says that he’s completely overwhelmed, as he is so different from the rest of the house. “My social game is going to be crucial.”

Another bad edit shows Julie announcing that it is now time for Howard, Helen, Jesse, and Nick to go in. Howard is impressed by all of the ladies, particularly Elissa and GinaMarie, who jumps off a bed into his arms. “We like our muscles. Howard definitely has muscles.”

Of course, Elissa gets more airtime than anybody else, and she says she wants to create an all-girl alliance. All of the girls are shown in the bedroom listening to GinaMarie shriek, but Kaitlin says she generally doesn’t get along with girls. “The cattiness and drama is just around the corner.” Jessie, meanwhile, is not impressed with the other girls. “I still think I’m the prettiest girl.”

Finally, Aaryn, Amanda, David, and Spencer get to enter. Aaryn doesn’t want to sleep with a strange boy, but it’s a problem because all of the beds are taken. David’s quandry is whether to bunk with a girl or go “bro/bro”. Spencer, though can’t wait to start evicting.

Champagne is then served, and GinaMarie is the first to introduce herself...loudly. Candice is not impressed. Maybe my mind will change on her. Ugh,, Judd uses the “let’s get this party started line”. That would be enough for me to evict.

David has nothing to say except that he’s a lifeguard. Suddenly, Judd is happy because “people may not think I’m the dumbest guy in the house”. Jessie is impressed with Jeremy, though, because he apparently looks like a Twilight character. *shrugs* Amanda, on the other hand, is attracted to Nick.

Helen believes that saying she’s involved in politics will be a negative, so she’s hiding that. Kaitlin, though, loves Andy because she’s been looking for a gay-mance. When Kaitlin introduces herself, Jeremy says his heart started melting. “I felt little rainbows and doves flying out.” Howard gets up and preaches his faith, and McCrae says that if he was gay “I would tear him apart”. I think I like this kid. Spencer is next, and he’s already annoyed with GinaMarie’s constant mouth-flapping. The house doesn’t believe that McCrae is actually a pizza boy.

Hey, one of my predictions is coming true. When Aaryn stands up, David immediately says that she is the love of his life. “I could stare at her eyes for hours.” Elissa is last, but says nothing about being Rachel’s sister. Judd doesn’t pick up on the connection either, but says she “looks familiar. I kinda want to get to the bottom of it.”

After a commercial break, the guys are investigating the house. Howard, Jeremy, and Spencer talk about putting together an alliance. “God helps those who help themselves”, explains Howard. Spencer believes he’s scored, as both of these guys are bigger guys, and he has a great social game. I predict this alliance doesn’t last long.

Jeremy is now talking to David and Jessie, who wants to align with them and “make the best looking alliance in Big Brother history”. Um, no, that isn’t. She explains that girls always go after her, and Jeremy is oh so happy that “alliances are falling into my lap”. McCrae, though, breaks up the pretty people alliance, much to Jessie’s annoyance.

A bunch of people are now in the kitchen as Julie announces that it is time for everybody to gather in the living room. She announces the usual rules about HOH, and two nominees. But wait, EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED! We now get to find out about the third nominee, and the house is freaking out over this news. Howard says it’s putting grey hairs on his head, but Andy loves the idea! Oh wait, we don’t get to find out about how the third nominee works. Ugh, Julie ends the segment by quoting Rachel’s “floater” line. After various “OMG” quotes, we head to commercials.

When we return, it’s time for the first HOH competition of the summer. It’s called “Popsicle Factory”, and everybody has to climb on a popsicle that is lifted off the ground. The last one standing is the winner. Hmmm, reminds me of a competition that Rachel won a few years before. In case you don’t remember that, we get some Rachel quotes from Elissa.

The comp commences, and Judd is the first one off after only five minutes. He didn’t want to win anyway, he says. Howard is next at seven minutes, and he also claims to have thrown it. Candice is next, and right after that a giant tongue is turned on to make the game harder. GinaMarie is the one to make the obvious double entendres, and she does.

Jessie starts humping her popsicle, which turns on Jeremy. Meanwhile, various people are talking about how Elissa looks like Rachel. Judd says he’s going to keep that knowledge quiet for awhile.

Amanda is the next to fall, followed by Spencer. Now “flavoring” is added to the mix, but David is not happy that his hair is being messed up. Helen, Jessie, Elissa and GinaMarie then fall off, but Nick says he’s not going to drop. Andy is next, leaving six up. Kaitlin is next, making Aaryn the “last girl standing”. “You don’t mess with Texas”, she says as we head to a commercial.

So there is five left after the adverts, but Aaryn quickly falls. There are now females left, including Pizza Boy! Everybody is shocked, especially Nick.

Julie then comes on with an incentive for those remaining. There are two lunch pails, and one contains a “Never Not Pass”, which would make them never have to endure being a Have-Not all year. The other pail has nothing. The boys start discussing whether they should go for it, and David drops. Jeremy now thinks he can get “this dude to do whatever I want”. David picks a pail, and it’s empty! Bwahahahahahahahaha! “Total frickin’ bummer!”

Jeremy then jumps off just seconds after Howard professed to having to rely on him to win for both of them. “Way to have my back, bro.” Jeremy says he wanted to win, but to not have slop all year is definitely worth it. “It sounds too sweet to pass up.”

So it is between McCrae and Nick. Nick asks if he’s cool for the week, and McCrae says that he likes him. “I tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him drop.” They talk a bit more, and Nick likes the idea more and more. He then drops, making McCrae the first HOH!!! Good for the pizza boy!

Now it is finally time to find out about the third nominee. Julie pulls everybody into the living room, and she again explains how McCrae has to nominate two people. Julie then says that the third nomination will be made by somebody in the room. She then talks about the MVP vote, and that person will indeed get the third nomination pick. This person will be told they’re the MVP in secret, and never have to tell anybody that they had it. Ugh, that means Elissa will have some power after all.

Everybody is shocked, shocked, shocked, and Aaryn conveniently uses the Rachel “floater” line. Yes, we get it. It’s going to be a crazy summer. We get some promo material, and then the show is over.

So what did you think of tonight’s show? Were you happy or annoyed to see Rachel? Or to hear her quoted over and over? Is Jessie this year’s Danielle? Were you happily shocked to see McCrae win HOH? Who did you like or not like?

 

Monday
Jun242013

Scott The Media Whore

As I mentioned on Saturday night's Big Brother Gossip Show, I now have a side gig as a music writer for the Argus Leader in my hometown of Sioux Falls. The paper, part of the Gannett chain, has a daily online video talk show, hosted by my old friend, Patrick Lalley. Today at 4 pm ET, I will be on as a guest to talk about this site, the Big Brother Gossip Show, and a sneak preview of sorts of the upcoming season of Big Brother.

Join us at argusleader.com and toss a question or two in the chat, or take a look at the archived version that will be available shortly after airing. 

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