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Entries in eastsidedave (3)


Charlie & David Don't Surf (The Land of the Big Brother Part III)

by "East Side" Dave McDonald - SiriusXM host

It's been a tough decade for surfers, dear readers.  First, some little blonde girl named Bethany Hamilton got her damned arm eaten by a fucking shark while she was hanging ten, as it were.  Then, the movie released about her life, Soul Surfer, sucked giant elephant dicks.  I saw it once on Showtime at 3:30 in the morning while I was jacked up on NyQuil and DayQuil; and I thought I was about to lose my already-scrambled mind.  "This girl isn't brave for continuing to surf after being chewed on by a shark," I thought to myself while snorting Robitussin, "she is just plain stupid.  Shitties, I would NEVER go back into the water again if a shark gobbled on any of my limbs unless I had a fucking bazooka with me.  Then, I'd promptly send all of those soulless finned cocksuckers straight to Hell.  BOOM!  Take that, Sharks.  You are the Assholes of the Sea.  BLAM!  And that one is for the fucking Kintner boy, Sharks.  Suck it."

Anyway, as I was saying before I went on that drugged-out weird tangent about fish-life, these have been hard times for surfing folk.  And that trend continued this week with David, the self-described San Diego "beach bum" who seemed more like an unpaid extra from Point Break.  I was half-hoping he would leap out at the Aryan chick with a President's mask on and rob her before she could get out another one of her quaint, home-spun, Southern phrases like "Go cook some rice, Asian lady." 

David was not long for Big Brother.  He was too much of a character.  People only like characters on shows like Game Of Thrones and/or Maury Povich.  But it is not wise to reveal your personality too early on Big Brother.  That's why, should I ever get cast on the program, I would probably get evicted from the house before I put my damned luggage on the floor.  People would see a giant red-headed gentlemen with t-shirt that would probably read something to the effect of "I Heart Farts" while wearing one of those obnoxious and out-dated helmets that has the two beers stapled to the side of it because, SHIT YO, I'm fuckin' wacky and I can't be bothered to hold beer cans with my fucking HANDS!!  No way, Jack!!  The Dave Man needs those hands to inappropriately touch the women room-mates while spreading peanut butter on a piece of bread!!  The Dave Man is fucking NUTS, America!!  Don't evict his ass!!

Anyway, who knows what will happen to that Nazi cheerleader now that her surfer-dick is gone...but I'm sure as shit that somewhere, Hitler is fucking LOVING this show.  Auf Wiedersehen!!


-Dave Mac


East Side" Dave McDonald is a national radio host for SiriusXM Satellite Radio.  Listen to his show, the Davey Mac Sports Progam XL, every Saturday at 7 PM Eastern, 4 PM Pacific, on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206/XM 103).  Follow him on Twitter ( and visit his website-



Meeting People Ain't Easy (The Land of the Big Brother Part II)

We are about seventeen seconds into the new Big Brother season and already we have an alliance.  And they are called......"The Moving Company".  And all I can think of when I hear that intimidating name is, "Damn, I hate moving.  I mean, I know that most people hate moving, but, like, I REALLY hate moving.  Cardboard boxes and duct tape and all that shit can just go straight to hell.  I'd rather eat a thorn bush than move.  Boy, I'm getting really side-tracked here."

I'm only gonna support the Moving Company if they take after Bad Company and release a song and album with the same name.  And maybe their album cover can be the five guys in the alliance sitting on each other's laps and smiling right at the camera.  Speaking of rock and roll, daddy, is it me or does McRae look like Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist, John Frusciante.  Everyone in the house is angry because that one duck-lipped freak, Elissa, is Rachel's sister and she's not telling anyone; but I'm pissed as dick that McRae Frusciante is not revealing to us that his brother is in the band that dressed up like light bulbs at Woodstock 2.  Fuck you, McRae Frusciante.

I've also heard that there are rumblings of racism floating around in the Big Brother house.  I hope CBS shows that nonsense.  Because racism is not funny...unless it's being done by a puppet or cartoon character or an aging, white, baseball player.  THEN, it's a damned scream, it is.  I don't support bigotry of any kind.....except Max Rebo-ism...which is the unapologetic hatred of blue elephants who play the piano in Return of the Jedi.....that fucker and those like him should be strung up and......

Listen to me.....I'm getting carried away here.  Anyway, I've never understood why contestants on Big Brother give a shit about the HOH room.  They've just competed in a game where a giant tongue was licking them and alien-squirrels were farting blood on their faces or some shit like that...I don't know...I was fucked up a little when I saw the episode  The point is, after you've gone through some LSD-inspired obstacle course, I would think seeing a pizza boy's box of Jolly Ranchers would be one fuck of a let down comparatively. 

In summation, what am I doing watching this fucking show when Stephen King's Dumb People Trapped In A Snow-Globe is on?!  See you later!!

-Dave Mac


East Side" Dave McDonald is a national radio host for SiriusXM Satellite Radio.  Listen to his show, the Davey Mac Sports Progam XL, every Saturday at 7 PM Eastern, 4 PM Pacific, on the Opie & Anthony Channel (Sirius 206/XM 103).  Follow him on Twitter ( and visit his website-


The Land of the Big Brother (Part I)

It's that American time of year where (for those of you who bizarrely don't watch baseball)  the best of reality TV comes on.  Big Brother.  That special time of the summer where you think to yourself- "I would like to go swimming but I really need to see if Rachel is on the Elliptical machine."   It'll be fruitful of models and actors and the occasional "real" person.  We'll see a tit or a cock or both, if we pay attention.  But mostly, we'll see humans acting in their WORST.  We'll see boorish behavior and cheap girly tricks.  We'll see a man who pretends to be "America's Best Buddy"......and as a result, we might see a woman who is a doctor pretend that she is very stupid, perhaps has a dying parent, used to do drugs......but has now "figured it out".    This is what we like.  It's Big Brother time, mother-fuckers.  Enjoy the madness.  God knows I will......and you will......and we might cry to our priest/rabbi/atheist counselor.....but we WILL cry.  This much is guaranteed- SOMEONE will let us down.  SOMEONE will betray us.  But ultimately, that SOMEONE will win.  God Bless Us All.  - Davey Mac