First off, my apologies for not having one of these diary posts in recent weeks. The problem was that those set to be evicted (Candice, Jessie) had already been chronicled. Yes, I missed Judd, but it was impossible to predict who was going to go home on double eviction night (although I have a good chance at getting a second opportunity if he wins the return match on Thursday).
Judging by the last couple of days, this is going to be a tough assignment. Helen is naturally a motormouth, and being on the block has put her in overdrive. She’s been nonstop in pushing people to change their votes to save her, and I have a feeling that’s not going to change in this 24 hour (or so) period.
Today begins, thankfully, without her normal indoor prancersizing. In fact, we don’t even see her until a minute or so before the house is awakened by 10:30 a.m. Her and Elissa are the only ones to arise, though, and Helen immediately heads out back for her workout.
When she returns, Elissa is cleaning and making coffee. Elissa says that she’s exhausted, but Helen had the best night of sleep to date. Helen then changes into her bikini, and heads back outside to do a load of laundry. Then she returns for a little hair and makeup.
Returning to the kitchen, they continue to comment about the prior night’s sleep before grabbing some coffee to take outside. “It’s exhausting being nominated, right?” asks Elissa. Yes, we’re off for the first marathon chat of the day. Helen starts right in on how they need to bring Aaryn into their fold. They obviously can’t work with Amanda, although she says “I love Amanda as a game player. She’s phenomenal.” They also don’t have Andy anymore. “He’s like my son, and he’s strayed. It’s like he’s been brainwashed.” She adds that at least she’s going out due to Amanda’s work, instead of somebody like Spencer.
Surprisingly, she has grown a fondness for GinaMarie, despite her craziness, and they both now have to rely on the two of them. Elissa is having none of this, though. “We could never depend on people like GinaMarie or Aaryn”. Especially that “horrible person”, Aaryn. “They are not solid individuals. You could not depend on people like that.” Helen counters that she thinks she can win over Aaryn because she’s concerned how “America” is looking at her. Elissa doesn’t agree. “Every night, she says she doesn’t give a ‘f’”, and recounts the horrible things she said in the past.
Helen says that Aaryn has been “trying to rebuild her reputation”, but Elissa again doesn’t agree. “(You’re going to teach her) how to be fake on camera so people in America will view her differently than she really is”. Helen is starting to get a bit frustrated that Elissa is countering every thing she’s saying. “Nothing is ever going to change my opinion on what she is. She’s not a solid person.” I’m starting to think Elissa is a bit jealous of Aaryn.
There’s no stopping Helen, though. She again brings up that mythical player, America, and that being around “good” people will change her. Elissa won’t let her finish a sentence as she continues to say that it would be fake. Hanging out with her and Elissa will make her a good person, says Helen. No, that would only work with GinaMarie, counters Elissa. “If GinaMarie hung around us, she would probably be successful. If GinaMarie hangs around with someone like Aaryn, she’s going to be below Aaryn. Aaryn only cares about Aaryn.” She adds that Aaryn is the kind of girl that would steal your husband and stab you in the back. “You can’t teach a scorpion not to sting.” Seriously, these are the most words I’ve heard Elissa say all season.
Helen dials it down a bit, and says that she needs GinaMarie’s vote, and Aaryn is the key to that vote. She moves on to talking about herself, and how in real life she is exactly like she is in the house. “I think people are scared of being evicted more than I am.” No, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. They talk a bit more about Amanda, who Elissa thinks is a “good investment”. Helen doesn’t disagree, and says she wouldn’t have a problem giving her a vote. “The next best person could be Spencer. If he makes it to the end, that means he’s going to be winning now.” Sure, Helen.
Suddenly, we go to fish, and when we return Helen is fiddling around in the kitchen. Her and Elissa begin scraping a pot that they had let simmer with milk for too long. They set up another pot of milk, and go change clothes. Suddenly, out of the blue Helen asks “I wonder what the Brachel Army is going to think of me”. That’s not a typo. She said Brachel Army. Elissa says they’ll “probably love you”. She asks the “Brachel Army” to pray for her.
After pouring some more coffee, they head back outside. Helen still won’t stop talking about the “Brachel Army”, which is now a “strategy in the house”. Um, ok. Elissa finally corrects her. Helen now asks her what she’s going to do if she leaves. “I don’t know”, replies Elissa. “I’m going to die with these people...I don’t have anything in common with them.” Helen tells her that she needs to fight. Now they believe that Spencer winning would be a horrific thing, but Helen switches back to defending him. Elissa says that telling Amanda and McCrae that she’ll vote for Spencer in the finals could save her. Good luck with that.
There’s a little bit more analysis of Spencer and McCrae before they go back in to work on their slop. Back outside, they go right back to talking about others in the house, namely Amanda. Oh yeah, and how Andy is such a disappointment. Oh, and according to Elissa, “Aaryn is dumb”. It then turns into a pep talk, as Elissa will have nobody to talk to if Helen leaves. “I’ve never had anything in common with anybody but you and Andy. And Candice. And Judd and Jessie. Mmmmm hmmmm!” Then they go back to bashing those still in the house, and bragging how they’re so much better than the rest. This day is already getting a bit repetitive.
Suddenly, out of the blue Helen starts bawling as she talks about how this house has made her feel beautiful. It’s now a lovefest about each other before Elissa finally heads back into the house. Finally, some peace and quiet!
Elissa comes back out in just minutes, and starts in again on Aaryn. Then suddenly, Helen says she wants to start a business with Elissa. “I want to be my own boss, and I want to do it with you.” Hey, I have a few ideas! Elissa says she’s going to use the show to further about a dozen ideas. “I know I’m building a wellness center. I know I want to work with ministry. I know I’m dedicating my life to charity. That’s what I want to do because it makes me feel happy. And I want to do side businesses. I want to do my yoga. I’m going to do it all.” Fair enough. No snark on that statement. Helen wants to market a line of workout clothes, and they’ll be successful because they’re such an “inspiration” to America. Where’s the barf bag?
They move on to Rachel, and Helen proves her ignorance of the show by asking if Rachel got along with everybody. Elissa says that she was “taking estrogen like crazy to spiral out of control”, and Helen attempts to hide her ignorance by (incorrectly) talking about one of her favorite Rachel moments.
We meander back to Helen’s favorite topic - Helen. She criticizes Amanda’s bandaid boob incident. “What she has to lose isn’t the same as what I have to lose. It’s too totally different world. Maybe that doesn’t make me as exciting as a reality TV star, but I’m more reality. My life is more reality.” She wants to be become the chair of her kid’s PTA, which you can’t do with those kinds of pictures. Really? She does admit to taking herself way too seriously, but the house has allowed her to let loose. “The fun that I’ve had here is about as fun as Helen gets. I’m a stick in the mud. Being goofy is not part of my personality.” Yep, we know. She adds that GinaMarie inspires her to be funny.
After three hours, the conversation FINALLY ends. Or is it, as Helen continues to ask Elissa questions about her family life as they lower the shades. Helen finally goes inside as Elissa begins to run laps.
She then makes a little bit of small talk with Andy as she washes a few dishes. She slips into some sandals, and heads right back outside to check her laundry. Elissa finishes running, and moves over to talk some more to Helen about their backgrounds. Oh yeah, and how “disgusting” Aaryn was to Candice.
The rest of the house is finally awake, but really aren’t interacting with her. They’re not ignoring her, although Spencer and Andy made a couple of jokes when they saw Helen and Elissa chatting outside. They’re just doing their usual lounging, while Helen is doing her usual chores.
Finally, Helen pulls Amanda into the cockpit room. She begins by saying that she’s not giving up, but if she did end up in the jury she wouldn’t be “bitter”. Helen gives her the patented pep talk, telling Amanda that she’s played a “phenomenal game. I know when I’ve met my match.” Amanda responds by saying that she was angry yesterday because some of her tactics were “personal”. Grab some popcorn, kids. This is going to get good! Helen does acknowledge that this is “fair”, and that she is “very sorry for a lot of things”. Of course, she really does love Amanda, and “knows I met my match”. She again apologizes, and says that she is “one of the smartest people I’ve ever met”.
It is now Amanda’s turn to tear up as she talks about how much she loves McCrae, and that he is his own man. “I feel like some of the things you said to him really hurt me.” Helen claims that she felt bad after the conversation with McCrae, and has “mad respect” for them as a couple. “I want you and McCrae in my life.” Ok, this isn’t as entertaining as I thought it would be, especially as Helen repeats over and over how much she is sorry and loves them.
Amanda also brings up Elissa and some comment about she made about McCrae “using” Amanda. Funny thing is that Elissa is outside the door listening in. Helen says that she doesn’t really know what that was about, and that Elissa is going to do what is best for her own game. At one point, Amanda says that Elissa needs her, and she needs Elissa.
Seriously, this is going on way too long. Both are just repeating themselves, and Amanda doesn’t help by throwing out the “bully” word. (In case you haven’t read my other material, it’s my feeling that the introduction of that word on reality shows is the worst thing in the world.) They finally hug, and they both wander outside.
Helen lays out by the pool, as most of the rest of the house lounges around the outdoor couch. She’s quiet for a bit before she’s joined by Elissa for a retell of the Amanda conversation. Elissa is becoming a bit distraught. “I can’t even handle it.” Helen tells her that she needs to stay strong, and that leads into another anti-Aaryn rant. “I feel like she’s one of the worst people I’ve ever met in my life. One of the most conniving, fake. She’s like 800 different people in one person.” It’s really getting to be over the top. “She has nothing to offer. Ever. Even in real life.”
Yet it doesn’t end. Elissa carries on and on and on, even saying that Aaryn is “jealous” of her. Helen reminds her that for her to stay she has to work with, and Elissa agrees that it is good for her, too, if Helen is friendly with her. “You need to get to the end of this game. America wants you to get to the end of this game. Brenchel Army wants you to get to the end of this game.” Please, Helen, stop speaking for me.
It doesn’t matter, as Elissa isn’t listening. She’s still convinced that Aaryn is jealous of her, so Helen continues to tell her that there will be a time when she’ll need Aaryn for something to further her game. “I don’t want anything to do with her.” Somehow, she believes that Aaryn is constantly comparing herself to Elissa, which is like “me comparing myself to like, freaking Poppy Montgomery, or Oprah”. Wait, what does that even mean?
Helen then begins begging “America” for food (wtf?), and they head back inside to cook themselves some slop. Guess who is also in the kitchen? That’s right. There’s Elissa’s best friend, Aaryn! GinaMarie is also in there, so at least Helen is quiet for a bit as she babbles her usual nonsense.
Thankfully for this hungry boy, the camera goes off Helen as she continues to cook, so I also get a break to cook dinner. She is briefly shown again as she makes mindless small talk with GinaMarie and Spencer as she eats, but the cams were mainly focused on Amanda’s conversation with Elissa. Guess who Elissa wants to talk about the most? Yes, Aaryn, but she’s also a bit angry that Helen was talking for her earlier.
An hour or so later, Helen grabs McCrae and has almost word for word the exact same conversation that she had with Amanda. She loves him, and her, “too death”, and they’ve done “amazing work” together. She came on too strong in last night’s conversation. “It’s a game.” Blah blah blah. The only difference is that she says “people” want her and Amanda to “not like each other”. What people? Besides the viewers?
Andy joins them, and she claims that she’s not going to go out like Jessie did last week. “If I go out on Thursday, I want to go out in peace.” She even says that she’s going to tell Judd that the two of them are kicking butt on his behalf. She adds that she’ll be “pissed if somebody from the Knockouts doesn’t win”, and compares her part of them to what Enzo and Lane did in the Brigade. “I go out with class, not Kamikaze style.” Oh please.
Hmmmm, one piece of weirdness, though. Despite her earlier compliments, Spencer is sort of becoming her version of what Aaryn is to Elissa. She’s so pissed that he is going to end up lasting longer than her, and doesn’t want to see him at the end. Candice is also brought up again, but this time it’s not quite the lovefest that it was this afternoon with Elissa.
The boys finally walk away, and Elissa (who had wandered in a few minutes earlier) asks Helen why she won’t go make a deal with Amanda. Helen replies that she doesn’t think that Amanda would be open to it, and then asks Elissa about her talk with Amanda. Elissa replies that Amanda apologized for being mad at her yesterday, but “I didn’t even notice, because I don’t even care if she’s angry.” Wow, Elissa is on a roll today, especially as she then (of all people) complain about everybody being “Debbie Downers”.
Elissa heads over to the hammock, so Helen goes back inside. She comes back out with some food, and joins Elissa, saying that she is going to give that same concession talk to everybody and hope that Spencer and Amanda end up fighting. “How do we make that happen?” Elissa thinks that she’s more desperate for Helen to say than she was for herself, and Helen replies that “it’s not over yet”. They decide that saying that Spencer may have a better chance of winning than the rest of them may work. “He’s played the worst game in history”, Elissa giggles, “but we need to keep saying it.” Sorry, but I don’t see that actually working. The other plan is to keep working on Amanda, which will get not only her vote but McCrae and Andy’s.
Amanda then comes out, and Helen tells her that she talked to McCrae. Elissa calls her over, but she has a cigarette to smoke first. Amanda finally comes over, and reports that Aaryn is now mad at her for the lengthy conversation she had with Elissa. A perfect opportunity for Elissa then to say that Spencer will get ALL of the jury votes. “He’s going to win this game. You mark my words.” The feeds go to fish for a bit, and when we return Helen is yelling about all of the fighting. “I don’t want to go out like a bomb. I want to go out with class. If I go out.”
Knowing everybody is still talking about her, Amanda heads back inside. Will Elissa’s plan actually work? Maybe, but in the meantime Helen is back to planning on working on GinaMarie and Aaryn. Ugh, bad topic, as we get the 100th retell of Elissa’s hatred for Aaryn. “They’re not entertaining.” We’re really back to 11:30 this morning.
There is some talk about Helen’s prediction that a guy will win this season. I’ve never understood why it matter which gender wins, but Helen’s biggest nightmare is for McCrae, Spencer, and Andy to start an alliance. Well, if Aaryn continues to piss off Amanda, there is a shot for that to kind of happen.
They move on to jewelry talk, which is kind of a relief, but not too interesting. The feeds get cut quite often as they mention their favorite jewelry stores, and some friends from back home. They keep going back to their favorite topics, though. Aaryn is this, and Spencer is that. It’s becoming maddening!
Eventually, Elissa heads inside, leaving Helen on her own in the hammock. Not for long, though, and when she comes back out they go back to talking about their clothing line. It’s now called “Hellisa”, although Elissa doesn’t like that name. Elissa brags about her yoga website, and how her “life is so busy”. Helen has quit her job to be on the show, though, so she will have a lot of time to devote to their company. Something tells me that this will never happen, though.
The cameras again go off Helen for a bit after she heads inside to hit the bathroom, and I must admit I’m ready for that break.
The peace and quiet doesn’t last long, though, as Elissa comes back. At least they’re not talking about Aaryn anymore...yet. Instead, it’s a debate of sorts about reading actual books versus the kindle or ipad. “I can’t wait to be intellectual”, says Elissa, which means I’m oh so close to writing something snarky in response. She lists all the things she wants to do after the season is over, but Helen is quick to get her back in line for their business. Elissa just wants to have a “real” conversation. Sure she does.
Andy makes a mistake in wandering outside, and he’s invited to join them. They start off with the calorie counts of their slop meals, and Helen repeats how she’s “melting away” at least five times. They move on to when they have to do diary room sessions, and how Helen and Elissa are always the first up in the morning. It’s actually remarkable that Helen can chat nonstop like this. She has been at it now for eight hours, and has barely taken a breath. Sure, 90% of it is pure gibberish or repeated testimony, but she says more words in an hour than I say in a week.
As if on cue, Elissa heads inside so that Helen can segue into the same speech she already gave Helen and McCrae. Andy raises the shades, and gets back on the hammock with Helen. They have some meaningless chatter about clothes and past houseguests. Andy also asks if Elissa’s husband is the father of her Precious Little Treasure. He’s not, but Helen says she is.
They also talk about how much they loved being HOH, and how everybody should experience it. This moves into a discussion about Elissa, and how she wants her to be HOH because she’s been feeling so depressed about the potential of Helen leaving. They’re also both worried about how they’ve been portrayed so far...which leads to the cameras moving to other people.
They’re not gone long, though, and they’re continuing to really talk about nothing. Andy does ask her what season she liked the best, and Helen has to quickly come up with an answer (she’s not the superfan she has let others believe). She instead throws out names such as Jeff, Janelle, Britney, etc. They have a bit of a fight over Mike Boogie. She likes him; Andy didn’t. “I love hte fact that Mike Boogie knows who I am.” Ugh. She’s also super-paranoid to be thought of as boring. It’s a topic that has come up a few times today.
They finally break up the chat so that Helen can take a shower. Helen’s plan is to also go up to HOH. “I haven’t been up there for like fifty hours.” Instead of immediately heading upstairs, she hangs out in the kitchen with Elissa for a bit, still going on and on about wasting away on slop. “If I make it, all I’m going to do is eat on Thursday night.”
When their slop is finished, she heads upstairs. Aaryn, though, heads downstairs, so she’s now talking to Spencer, Andy, McCrae, and Amanda. In case you’re not aware, it sucks to be on slop, while also cleaning her toes. Nice, right? She wishes she was a real smoker, as you can live for five days on just coffee and cigarettes. Yeah, that’s a nice diet.
Amanda then leaves the room, and talk moves on to Tina Fey. Helen says that she wants to sign up for classes at Second City. Andy suggest instead that she sign up at IO Chicago Theater. They all laugh at all the typos in the various handbooks and rule books they have in the house. Andy then decides to hide “Clowney”, and ultimately puts him in the HOH fridge. The conversation was so boring and forced they moved to putting all four cams on Aaryn and Elissa being in the kitchen at the same time (which wasn’t much more exciting).
When the cams go back, they’re talking about Heavy Metal Teddy (aka season 13’s Adam), who Helen (remember, she’s not the Big Brother expert) doesn’t know. Others are saying that Spencer looks like him, which he’s not happy to hear. As they’re talking about Saved By the Bell (scintillating, right?) Aaryn and GinaMarie return to the room. They’re cooking chicken and mashed potatoes, so Spencer calls them “wife material”.
Back to meaningless chatter. A discussion of movies turns into Helen learning about Stephen Baldwin’s appearance on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK. They explain how it works, but she doesn’t think it sounds as good as the U.S. version. Actually, I think she’d love being on the UK version. Imagine how excited she would be for the daily tasks!
There’s a bit more movie talk before Helen wanders back downstairs to chomp on some snacks as Arryn and GinaMarie work on dinner. Hey, she’s actually gone a couple of minutes without chatting! The boys come downstairs for the meal, as the other two cameras show Elissa doing yoga in the backyard. Helen pipes in that before she came in the house she never had enough faith in herself to follow a recipe. Now she can make anything.
She eventually heads back outside where Elissa is doing yoga. She folds towels (in an odd way), as they both talk about their favorite subjects. Elissa bitches about Aaryn; Helen complains about Spencer and the fact her prodigal child Andy went to the “other side”. They wonder what Candice would do if her vote was between Aaryn and Amanda. “She’d probably cry”, says Elissa. Helen also is still upset that Judd didn’t hug them on her way out. “What am I? Chopped liver?” Well, you did orchestrate that exit.
This chat goes around and around and around. Helen says she has 36 hours to come up with something to save herself, but nothing is really sticking so far. They move on to talking about how they’ll vote in jury. Helen says it has to be about game play, and after a bit more bitching about Aaryn, Elissa agrees to do the same. It’s just not fair, though, especially if Aaryn makes it. She’s just been nicer in recent weeks because of jury votes. She won’t.
A half hour or so later, everybody has sort of scattered around. Elissa is strangely talking to Spencer in the living room, while Helen is sitting by the hot tub boring first Aaryn and then GinaMarie with long stories. The magic seems to work a bit more on GinaMarie, which is no shocker. Helen knows exactly how to play her, and she completely it “had” the moment that Helen starts in with a compliment. “America is going to be blown over”, Helen says about her. “I cannot wait to watch you.” Yeah, right.
I’m not going to lie. I began skipping around when GinaMarie started in on Nick. She is, after all, going to marry him next year. “You bring out kind of a light side in him”, says Helen, who also wants to know who is telling her that he didn’t like her. “I think Judd said that to me”, GinaMarie replies. “Even if he doesn’t like you”, Helen says in response, “then he’s highly flattered.” Um, no, and I really need to find another cam as GinaMarie talks about what she expects from their “first time”.
Elissa joins them, and we again hear about how much it sucks to be on slop. Helen moves on to tell her that she apologized to both Amanda and McCrae, and that she loves them both and will vote based only on gameplay. Elissa then asks how she’s going to vote, and GinaMarie says that she wants Helen to stay, but has to do what the HOH wants. Elissa says it’s “pathetic” that all of the girls just go after each other. Pot, meet kettle. In Elissa’s mind, Helen’s role is to be the person that is in between the various girls to keep them on the same page, and it is Amanda that is pulling them all apart.
They begin talking about votes, and Helen laments that she has lost Andy’s vote. Elissa thinks that her and GinaMarie should go and threaten Andy with a nomination if he doesn’t vote to keep Helen. It just goes on and on, and most of the bashing is against Amanda and her influence on Aaryn. “Aaryn needs to see that everybody is protecting Amanda. If I stay, bing bing bing I protect Aaryn.”
When this chat finally ends, the two plot their next move. Now Elissa’s idea is to actually kiss up with Aaryn, but “everybody” is now upstairs with her. They go back outside and climb back into the hammock. It’s again about how dangerous Spencer is, and how it’s a shame that he’s going to last longer than her. Helen tells Elissa that if she gets an opportunity, she has to take out Amanda before Spencer. “For sure!” They go through a few more scenarios, along with thoughts on America’s Favorite Player. The main plan is to put up Aaryn and Amanda, with Andy as a replacement nominee. Oh man, I’m really starting to drag on this project. Please go to bed, Helen.
Amanda comes out to kiss their ass for a few minutes, and is in the kitchen when they head back in, and there’s some pleasant chitchat with her for a few minutes. Once Amanda heads upstairs, it’s time to complain about slop once again. They also look around at the various pieces of art on the walls, looking for things that could be asked in a competition.
Eventually, they join the rest of the house in the HOH. It’s the usual gossip surrounding former player, and whether Nick was gay. Yes, that means a lot of screaming from GinaMarie. The room goes quiet, though, when Elissa complains that this season has no hot guys. There’s also a discussion on Big Brother Canada, and how Gary lost on a mistaken vote.
Around an hour or so is spent up there talking about next to nothing before Helen heads back down to floss and brush. Her day is finally completed as she goes into the Have-Not room and turns off the lights.
That's also it for my day, and it has been a long one. Helen is a nice woman, and I don't really have anything against her. She's exhausting, though! Especially when coupled with Elissa! I hope you enjoyed this manifesto. Please let me know what you think of it!