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Entries in Episode Recap (116)

Thursday
Aug162012

Big Brother #14, Episode 16 Recap

I have absolutely nothing for an intro tonight. No obscure song lyrics, no analogies to other famous or not-so-famous people. It's been a long week with a pre-determined outcome, so let's just get it over with. Plus, we have to endure the inclusion of a person who has worn out his welcome to the vast majority of Big Brother viewers...or at least those that don't own cats, have dog avatars, or munch on bon bons all night.

So let's get right to it. Actually, I'm just going to guess what we see at the beginning as I cap the picture of Julie that you see on the top of this post. The non-use of the veto will be replayed, and Dan will be thankful he's not being backdoored, and both Wil and Joe will have quips about how it's not over yet. Add to that an explanation from Frank and Boogie, and possibly some "Quack Pack" gibberish from Ian and we can move on to the footage edited to make it appear as if anything is possible tonight.

Ash and Wil are now at the kitchen counter, with Wil complaining that it doesn't look goof for him. Ashley attempts to give him some hope by saying "things change all the time".

Meanwhile, Britney is telling Shane and Danielle that she was nervous about the veto ceremony, and how they need to win HOH the next week. Britney is pissed that there was even a possibility that Frank may go against the alliance. Dan wanders in, and Britney says that he was really close to being put up.

Ash is now shown wandering outside to talk to Joe, and they both complain about how "nobody is willing to rock the boat". Joe asks about her vote, and she claims she doesn't know. Joe screams in the diary room that her "maybe" is a no, and that he needs to work for the votes.

Dan is now in the HOH listening to Frank's CD, and Frank decides to scare him. They have a talk about trust, and Dan says he appreciates that he wasn't put up. Frank admits that it did cross his mind, but he didn't because of their alliance. Dan, though, says that even "entertaining the thought" indicates that he can't be trusted.

Frank is then asked who he wants to see leave, and he says Wil is the "best bet. With Wil gone, Ashley will be by herself. Her and Joe won't mesh well and work well together." Plus, Joe will be easy to get rid of at anytime.

Filler time, as Ashley asks Frank on an ice cream date. She says in the diary room that while she does want to go on this date, she also wants to use it to get info. Ian, who is sitting nearby, is not happy with this, and claims that he was going to make dinner for her at some point. "No you weren't", replies Dan.

This phony date for the Showtime cameras are now shown, and she does bring up Wil. Unfortunately, she doesn't do much to help him out as she complains about how she is so lonely. Frank's idea is that they conclude the date by making out.

Meanwhile, Britney tells Ian that he has been dumped. They cut right back to Frank, who pulls Ashley to the couch to indeed make out. Gross. Quick cut back to Britney asking Ian if he thinks they'll make out. "I kind of thought we were exclusive."

Cut back to the lovebirds, with Frank asking about Ian. Ashley claims he was faking his jealousy earlier, but Frank knows better. OK, enough on this.

Finally, it's over and Wil is now sort of asking Britney, Danielle, and Shane about their votes. Kind of is the key word, as he says that he really doesn't want to bother them. He quickly gives up and walks back inside, which gives Britney another opportunity to whine. Joe then comes out and is a bit more forceful (but no better) with his pleas. Ian has joined them, and Shane has to remind us that the "Quack Pack" is in charge of the votes.

Oh God, CBS is having a twitter contest for tonight's HOH comp. People can vote to have one of two temptation - ten grand or a Havenot pass. Oh please. Who wouldn't take the cash?

Well, they have time for more filler, as we meet Joe's family. Wow, even his wife makes fun of his loud voice! This is the customary family segment, slicing talks the HG has about said family with interview segments...along with fake, staged footage of them watching on TV. Oh yeah, and the entire family HATES Boogie.

Ugh, speaking of wasted time. It's Jeff time. I've heard his awful online show, and trust me he has NOTHING to add here. Time to fast forward.

Time to talk to Julie, who announces they are past the halfway part of the show. For some reason, she reads off a "current event pop quiz". Time to grab more pics.

Silliness completed, Wil gets up for his final plea. He makes a joke about how they're all "snoops" and "liars", but then says it is a win-win situation for him either way. He can stay with great people in the house, or be reunited with his wonderful family. He pleads them all to vote for their own game, and that he loves and adores them all.

Joe then gets up and says that Wil's campaign is that he's "loud". He babbles that he is taking lessons on "human whispering", and that he's also heard that Wil has said he has a "Sharon Osbourne game going on in here". What does that even mean? He carries on and on until Julie tells him to shut it down. He finally concludes by saying that if they keep him there he'll keep them fed. WTF?

The voting begins with Ashley, who votes to evict Joe. Boogie is next, and he votes to evict Wil...and we go to commercials. When we return, Danielle votes against Wil, but Jenn votes to evict "Chef Joe". Dan is up next, and after his customary bullshit to Julie votes to evict Wil...as does Britney, Shane, and Ian. Wil is evicted by a 8-2 vote.

Julie reads the results, and Wil flamboyantly whips off his jacket before hugging everybody. Putting on a captain's hat, he heads out. "I ain't nobody's mama," he proclaims (or at least I think that's what he said) as he struts out the door.

Julie starts the questioning about asking why Joe survived, and he says that he's a bigger threat than the loudmouth chef. She then asks about the meeting where he was aloof towards Frank, and Wil explains that he didn't want to be asskisser or throw people under the bus.

Unfortunately, the questioning is ALREADY over (I guess they needed the time for stupid Jeff), so we go right to the goodbye speeches. We start with Joe, who complains about him going against Janelle and his team. Dan says he wanted to work with Wil because he thought that Wil would go after Frank and Boogie, but his emotions got in the way. Ashley says that she's going to miss him, and that he should have kissed some butt. Oh Lord, we end with Boogie, who said he wished he could have coached him. By being the "funny guy", he could have coasted to the final five. Julie ends the segment by telling Wil about the "Silent Six".

Goodbye Wil, you will be missed (by our Ash, at least). It's HOH time, and it's another repeat. This time, it's the Slip-n-slide comp that Jeff won last year. You know, the one where there are soap suds and they have to haul little cups of a liquid to fill a jug. Yeah, that one.

Before the competition begins, though, Julie reads the results of the twitter poll. Oh, so there is more to it than we were told. There are two smaller jugs. One is for "safety", which guarantees they cannot be nominated this week. The other is the result of the poll, and "America" voted for the ten grand. But once the HOH has been crowned, any unclaimed prize will be unavailable.

So the game commences, and Danielle is the first to fall over. Instead of soap suds this year, though, it is an ice rink. Ashley slowly waddles across, while Ian decides to slide. Oh wait, silly Ashley also decides to slide...but for some reason we end the segment with a terrible view of Danielle's ample ass.

So that's it for tonight, but not before we hear that next week is a double eviction. Oh, and also Boogie is the only person going for the money, while the rest are split 50/50 on safety or HOH. Hop onto the live feeds to see who wins this competition, and also let us know what you thought of tonight's show. Were you sad to see Wil leave? How about that Jeff segment? Or Joe's family?

Wednesday
Aug152012

Big Brother #14, Episode 15 Recap

To say this has been a quiet week would be a huge understatement. There just hasn't been anything going on, which does not bode well for tonight's episode. Expect a ton of filler, along with the return of a certain low budget robot. Add to that a glimmer of hope before the veto ceremony and you have tonight's entire episode.

Guess what we begin with tonight? Yes, it is the reactions to the nominations of Wil and Joe, and my suggestion is that you plug your ears to mute Joe's stereotypical full volume approach. Wil says as the game goes on, it's impossible to not take things personal and "I'm coming back for revenge". Frank admits that Wil's attitude is changing the focus from Joe to Wil. As he has said in previous shows, Joe isn't giving up. "Pack a lunch, America, because I'm going to work."

Danielle and Dan head into the bedroom, where Danielle points out that Frank and Boogie weren't lying. "Not yet", replies Dan. "You just got to be on your toes." Dan says that while he's relieved he wasn't nominated, but he still doesn't trust them as he could still be backdoored.

Meanwhile, Boogie and Frank are again patting themselves on the back, and Boogie wants Wil out because he "is such a liar". Yes, I can hear our Night Owl correspondent screaming from a half country away. Boogie explains that it was all about that attitude Wil had before nominations, and they decide to make Joe their "loyal pet". For this to happen, though, they need to talk to him.

Cue up a conversation that actually happened before the nominations, where Frank told Joe that he isn't the target this week. We used this clip on the last Big Brother Gossip Show, where Frank said that he has to keep everything on the downlow.

Boogie is then shown pulling into the lounge, and he explains that "one of my favorite pasttimes in the Big Brother house is to tell people they're 100% safe...and just do the opposite". Wil pretends to believe Boogie, but he laughs in the diary room that he's laughing at Boogie's suggestion that he pick him in the veto competition.

Now it is time for fake showmance filler, as Britney and Shane talk about how uncomfortable Danielle sometimes makes him. According to the scripted diary room dialogue, the only thing keeping the couple apart is that a showmance creates two targets.

Britney adds that while they're in this "Silent Six" alliance, she also doesn't trust Boogie and Frank. "There's definitely the possibility that they could backdoor Shane this week." It's important that THEY win the veto.

After the first commercial break, it's time for Frank to shun the spiritard. Yes, more silly filler. He gives a dumb cheer (that was taught by Danielle) and strips it off before diving in the pool. Well, at least his body saw some water this week.

Back to the game, and Ashley and Wil are chatting. Ashley says that she wants to help Wil, but she's helpless with her back injury. He then cozies up with Danielle, mainly because he doesn't buy Boogie's story that he's not the target this week. Wil then tells her his life story, and how bullying has inspired his move into music, and thankfully Danielle's interruptions are edited out.

Now it's time to select the veto players, and this week there are seven players because of Shane's veto ticket from last week. Frank pulls out Jenn, Joe gets Houseguest Choice that he uses on an injured Ashley (because he's alone), and Wil does pull out Boogie's chip! "Of course, the chip I pull out for the veto competition is the last person I want playing. Just for once, I'd like something to go my way this week." The host for the comp will be Ian, and Dan states one more time he's worried that he'll be backdoored.

And now the silliness commences. A bunch of people are lying around, and suddenly the "Zingbot" enters through the diary room door. "I'm baaaaack." The first "zinger" is to Ashley, and how her smile is the "only thing about you that's bright". Shane's zinger is about his pink tank top, but he says he's "comfortable with my sexuality". Are you? Are you really?

Britney gets a shot her way about the Brigade, and Joe and Boogie get jokes about their age. Ian's zinger is about how for a chemistry student he actually has no chemistry with the ladies, while Jenn's "bad ink" is compared to a gossip magazine. Frank is laughed at for stealing Little Orphan Annie, but he claims to not know who that is.

Ooooh, here's the good one. "Danielle, I hear Shane is going to give you a special gift after the season - a restraining order." YES!!! POW!!! POW!!! The entire house loves this one...as does most of America. Yes, you can see the steam pouring out of her tiny brain.

Now it is time for the actual competition. It's another retread competition of sorts, where the players have to "bring baby Zingbot to life" by building a pipeline from one contraption to another. Then a magnet is used to transfer a ball from one end to the other.

After the customary declarations on how important it is to win this game, the competition begins. Jenn decides that the best method is to lay out all the pieces on the ground, and then pick the ones that fit each spot. Ashley, though, has no clue what she's doing, and complains that she never plays with puzzles. Boogie asks Ian for help, which pisses off Wil (and allows for a botox joke from Britney).

Britney then gives some tips to Shane, which segues into some whining from Danielle about wanting to kick the zingbot in the face. Dan adds that "taking puzzle advice from Britney is like taking dating advice from Ian". Good one, coach. Seriously, it was.

At this point, I'm bored with the competition, especially since we have more clips of Dan and Joe yelling. Wil is as frustrated as me, and Frank is edging closer and closer to victory. He drops the ball into the end, and ends up winning the competition! Baby Zingbot then walks out with Frank's veto necklace, which please a seemingly drugged Ashley.

When we return from commercials, Britney and Dan are "doing schematics". Britney is worried for Dan, and she complains that it's not right that after only one week they aren't trusting their alliance. Dan adds in the diary room that putting him up wouldn't be a bad idea, but doesn't think Frank  would have the votes. Britney doesn't agree, and they decide it all comes down to Ian.

Now Wil is outside talking to Jenn and Ash, and says he can't believe that Frank isn't using this opportunity to "make a huge move". With the two biggest targets not winning veto, he should use this time to go after them. Jenn adds that there must be something going on if with those people if there isn't a move to change the nominations. Wil decides that he needs to go talk to Frank to inform him that they would indeed have the votes.

Wil and Ashley head into the HOH to make their pitch. Frank counters that he's worried that it would backfire on him if it didn't work. Wil states his belief what the votes would be, but Ashley continues talking. In the diary room, Frank claims that it's making him think as this is exactly what he has wanted to do all along.

At the same time, Britney and Ian have noticed that this meeting is happening, and sends her little lapdog up to investigate. Wil and Ashley are now gone, so Ian picks his brain if "the plan is still going". Frank, who for some reason is reading the Bible, says "probably", and then stupidly lets Ian know that he is giving thought to putting up Dan. Ian immediately covers his face, but lies that he would vote as Frank wanted if the move was made. It's all about the Quack Pack to Ian, you know. Frank continues to give his reasons, but Ian pooh-poohs them all. "Dan's word is dirt", says Frank, but Ian doesn't want to "rock the boat".

Ian heads back downstairs, and tells Britney and Danielle about his "rock the boat" mantra. Danielle asks who the replacement would be, and he says that Frank is "scared of Dan". Britney, who is embarrassed by the Quack Pack name, tells Danielle to not let Dan know what is going on.

It's now the following morning, and Frank lets Boogie know about the late-night conversations that he missed. Boogie once again says that it is too early to think about going after Dan, and says he doesn't believe Dan is "as threatened by you as you think". This goes back and forth for just enough time to raise some questions as to what will happen in the concluding segment of the show.

It is finally time for the veto ceremony, and everybody does a fine job reading their scripts about trust and hope and big moves. Frank calls everybody back into the house...and does NOT use the veto. Shocker! Frank says he needs "to pick my battles", and Dan says he won last time by "dodging bullets" like this one. Of course, Wil doesn't agree that it was a smart play, and says Frank should "watch his back". Joe yells something about getting votes, while Ian is just happy his beloved (but virtually non-existent) Quack Pack still exists.

Ugh, "fan favorite" Jeff is on tomorrow night's eviction show. Why, CBS? Why? Gross. So...what did you think of tonight's episode? Did you like the Zingbot segment? Should Frank have used the veto? (Yes, Ash, we know your opinion.) Tell us your thoughts!

Sunday
Aug122012

Big Brother #14, Episode 14 Recap

Apparently, there is a strike of sorts going on tonight. As we talked about on last night's Big Brother Gossip Show, there was a short diary room leak to the house that could have potentially informed the entire house of the "Secret Six" alliance.

Nothing really came out of this leak besides a line of questioning from Joe, and Janelle was still evicted on Thursday. That hasn't stopped at least one website, and a number of that person's followers, from claiming that they are now boycotting the feeds and tonight's show. The claim is that enough angry tweeters will be enough for CBS to cut out the production interference in the casting, game design, feeds, and the actual broadcast.

Isn't that cute? I'm all for grassroots behind-the-scenes involvement by fans and critics, but nothing will change even if every single person who uses the #bb14 hashtag suddenly disappear from the Nielsen counters. If you're a part of this movement, more power to you, and at least you'll still know what happens from this recap. I'll happily watch so you don't have to.

In case you're not aware of the typical Sunday night template, you're going to see reactions to Thursday's eviction and HOH competition, some plotting, a HOH room reveal (zzzz), a Have-Not competition, more plotting, and nominations. Hopefully, there won't be any fake showmance filler, but I'm not holding my breath.

Here we go with a flashback to Janelle's eviction. Frank wonders how he has managed to survive through three nominations, while Joe SCREAMS his displeasure at the 8-1 vote. "NOW I'M ON AN ISLAND ALL BY MY LONESOME SELF!" Shut up! Wil adds that he was quite confident that nothing would come out of voting against his former coach, so why not join them to keep from being a target? (Foreshadow alert!)

With Janelle gone, we have to have the typical idiotic celebration dance from Boogie and Frank. "Ding dong, the witch is dead", says Boogie. Yes, we know about your All-Star eviction, Mike. "It's safe to say...I'm on top of the house."

Meanwhile, Britney is crying that she helped evict a friend, an ally, a lifelong sister. Then why did you do it, you silly twit? Joe is then seen pacing around the house, and Ashley tells him that she is sorry, but he just brushes her off as he wanders past.

We then jump to Frank's HOH victory, and another silly Chilltown celebration. Yes, we know, Frank. You've gone from almost-evicted to HOH twice now. For some reason, we have to also hear Danielle complain that she better be safe. (No foreshadowing here.) Joe, however, knows he's in trouble...and slowly yells once again. Dan believes that this week will be the Silent Six's ultimate test to see if they really are a team.

Joe has gone right into the bedroom, and in the diary room complains "there are some despicable human filth in this house". He lies on the bed as his rant continues on, but he knows he's in trouble. Frank wanders in to ask him a cooking question, but Joe clearly doesn't want to help with the cooking.

Britney is also sad, still crying about evicting Janelle. Danielle attempts to calm her down by coldly saying "you're that closer to the money". Britney thinks that Frank is going to win the game, but Danielle counters that everybody will be gunning for him...which may be the smartest thing she's said all season. Britney isn't buying it however. "If he's in the final three, it's over. Sign the check." Danielle, though, says she's beaten him twice, and can do it again. Um, wow.

Frank and Boogie are now plotting their week, and the goal is to "really work Wil". Frank, though, wants to put up Joe and Dan, which makes Boogie laugh. Frank's view is that after last week's attempt at a blindside, maybe he should know what it feels like. Cooler heads prevail, though, as Boogie explains how they're going to need Dan and Danielle's votes.

HOH reveal time. No need to recap this.

Wil and Ash are now talking, and Ash has suddenly awakened. She just now has realized she voted out somebody who is "on my side. Now it's just me and Wil playing this game alone." Really? Who are these people? Joe joins them to find out why they voted against Janelle. Wil says he didn't have any deal for his vote, and explains it's because he has a big mouth AND being her only vote makes Joe a big target. Ash also babbles something, but it's not a human language. Joe figures that the three of them are the only possible candidates for nomination.

Filler time, as Shane and Frank talk about dreams. Um, no way I'm going on about that idiocy. Even worse, it's followed by out-of-context fake showmance shit with Danielle and Shane. Please, they are NOT a showmance!!!

Thankfully, this segment is now over and we're back to game talk...kind of. Boogie is gloating how the last three evictions...or exits have been people he didn't want around. Frank and Boogie are feeling Dan out about putting one of their own up as a pawn to "disguise" their big alliance, and Dan wants no part of being that pawn. "I'm such a threat in this house that if I'm on the block I'm going home." Boogie's response? "You don't trust your alliance, huh?" Would you?

More filler time, as Britney and Boogie talk about how Danielle hates mornings. We also have to endure talk of her idiocy about calling herself a school teacher, and Boogie lets it out that he doesn't believe that story anyway. He believes she's either in medical school or is a nurse. The only good part of this conversation is Britney's super short shorts, and sitting in a non-classy position.

On to another big topic of the last couple of days - Ashley's medical issues. She has awful back spasms that make it so she can barely move, so the boys have to help her move around the house. "I am very lucky I have two muscular man-crutches", she says. "I feel very blessed to have everybody be so kind to me."

As if there's not enough filler in this episode, we have a have-not competition. Since Ashley is injured, she can either play or have Frank play for her. She goes with Frank. Bandanas and hats are handed to Ian, who is immediately tackled.

This week's game features everybody dressed as giant limes and lemons, and there's a lemon pond. The lemon team is Joe, Britney, Shane, Danielle, and Jenn dressed as a farmer. The rest are the limes, with Frank as the farmer. The competition has everybody soaking up juice from the big pond, and they must squeeze their juice into the jars of the other team. Boogie whispers to his team to also fill their mouths with the juice to spit into the jar.

Britney and Danielle don't want to be have-nots, as you may expect. Also, in case you didn't understand how the game works, Dan yelled it out once again in the diary room. Once the game began, it became the farmers job to help squeeze the juice out of the costumes. Danielle is appalled that a lesbian is now humping her. Oh please. I'm sure you've had those fake lesbian bar kisses to get the attention of the boys.

There are plenty of other thinly-veiled gay jokes, and even more Britney bitching. Joe doesn't appear to be doing much other than sitting in the pool, which has Daniele whining, and Ian is bummed that this would have been a possibility for Ashley to be on top of him. Ugh, even more fake showmance stuff as we see Danielle and Shane hugging to get juice.

Jenn's team is far behind, but suddenly the other team has a kink in their hose. Maybe they has a shot in the game! Frank discovers the kink, but it is now almost even. Finally, the game ends with a victory for the lemons! The Have-nots for this week are Shane, Danielle, Britney, and Joe (who complains and complains).

They walk into the house to discover their food for the week, which is candy canes and cod. Cue more whining from Danielle, but Britney isn't so upset.

Joe now heads up to talk to Frank. He says that since he's alone in the game, this could be good for his game. He also wants Frank to think about loyalty, and also how "there is not a soul that (Wil) has not lied to...if it is in my power I will try to get him out before I leave here".

My God, even more filler after another commercial. Seriously, people diving into the pool with a mini-basketball is worthy footage?

Ok, back to the game. Wil heads into the HOH to "grab your ear for a hot second". He says he expects to go up, and there's no hard feelings. Boogie goes on about going after duos at a certain point, and that their focus is on Joe. Frank asks who Wil wants to go after Joe's departure? Wil demurs, saying it's a "dangerous question", and that he believes there is a large group working together. He refrains from commenting on who he wants to go out, and Boogie is flabbergasted after he leaves. Suddenly, he is the target...although Frank still wants to get revenge on Dan. Boogie counsels that they are still not considered trustworthy, and it is not the right time to do this. "When you make a run at somebody like that, it has to be definite." For the CBS footage, though, Frank reminds us that it is still his decision as to who is nominated.

Finally, it is nomination time. We get the usual silliness from those that may be put up, including Dan (yeah, right), before everybody is pulled in. The first key pulled belongs to Britney, followed by Danielle, Shane, Ashley, Jenn, Ian, Dan, and Boogie. Yes, Wil and Joe are nominated! Frank says he nominated Joe because he voted against him against Janelle, and Wil's nomination is due to a "big ol' fib" he told him the previous week.

Wil says that everybody in the house has lied, and he's a "not classy hypocrite", and Frank says that Wil is the one who will be going home this week. Dan claims to be surprised that he wasn't nominated, as you really can't trust Boogie. "He's done a lot of diabolical things in this game." Joe screams that he's not done, as "revenge is a dish that's best served cold!" Ugh make it stop.

That's it, strikers and non-strikers! What did you think of tonight's show? Way too much filler for you, too? Give us your thoughts!

Thursday
Aug092012

Big Brother #14, Episode 13 Recap

Willie May stumbling in the outfield during the 1973 World Series. Brett Favre hobbling off the Metrodome turf after his millionth interception. The surviving Beatles adding computer-enhanced vocals to John Lennon demos. Johnny Unitas being sandwiched by defensive linemen on play after play in a San Diego Chargers uniform. The entire roster of actors that co-star on TV Land “original” shows.

These are just some of the embarrassing codas to otherwise legendary careers, and tonight we say goodbye to another type of superstar. Sure, calling a reality television star a “legend” is kind of silly, but Janelle Pierzina is one of a handful who could make that claim. A blonde, athletic beauty, Janelle’s two earlier appearances were full of must-see TV moments. Ultimately, she lost both times, but her competition prowess and sexy swagger made her the only Big Brother cast member to win two “Favorite House Guest” awards.

She will be leaving us tonight primarily for having lost that touch that endeared her to both viewers and fellow players in her previous season. Her fibs betrayed any appearance of honesty. Emotionally, she was a stiff who spent more time sleeping than she did interacting with others. Most importantly, she failed to sniff the changing crosswinds in the house, and was ultimately outplayed by her most hated rival, Mike “Boogie” Malin. Like everybody listed in that above paragraph, the instincts and reflexes were just not there this season.

Before we get to that moment where thousands of hardcore fans smash their televisions and leap off their balcony, we have lots of silliness to plow through. Yes, it is reaction time. How did Janelle and the rest of the house feel about the shocking move to replace Wil’s nomination with Janelle?

Like always, it depends on who is doing the talking. Janelle is shocked, especially since “she is not even on my radar, and now she definitely is”. She’s going to do what she needs to do to say. Britney notes that unlike usual veto meetings, everybody is kind of frozen in “shock and horror…but the truth of the matter is, nobody is truly shocked except for Janelle”.

Wil screams in celebration while in the diary room, and promises to bake a cherry pie in celebration. Britney, though, rushes into the bedroom where Janelle is reading the Bible (lol) to pretend like she has no clue this was going to happen. At the same time, Boogie asks the camera if he can take a bow. “Danielle thinks she’s the head of household this week, but basically I just took over her HOH and got everybody to do what I wanted.”

Danielle is now in the HOH, and Janelle rushes in to ask why she was put up. Danielle claims that “everybody” has been telling her that Janelle is after her, and is lying to her. “I’ve never said to anybody in this house that I’m coming after her.” Janelle knows that people have been feeding lies to her, as “she could never come up with this on her own”. She immediately blames Dan, but Danielle claims she hasn’t talked to him all day, and that she’ll probably survive the week anyway.

Dan now joins Danielle in the HOH, and yells in the diary room that she has graduated from the Dan School of Big Brother. Oh please. She recounts the conversation with Janelle. Well, she sort of tells him, exaggerating just a little bit.

Dan now pulls Janelle into the storage room, and claims that he has no idea what caused her nomination. It’s just a girl thing, he says, and he probably won’t be able to vote to save her because it would piss her off. Janelle thinks that she only needs two more votes, and Dan says any coach is screwed if they’re put up.

Boogie interrupts the conversation by coming in for some milk, and takes his time before leaving. Janelle repeats her complaint that she didn’t even put on makeup because she had no clue this was coming in, and after leaving the storage room she says she’s confident she can get the votes.

She heads into the lounge with Wil and Joe, who both claim that they’ll be voting for her. She also tells Jenn that she wouldn’t target her if she stays, and also whines to Ashley that she hopes she wouldn’t vote her out.

Now that she believes she has the votes, she pulls Britney into the lounge to verify that she has her vote. She runs down all the votes she has, and Britney replies that she believes there may be some things happening that she’s not aware of. Janelle adds that the coaches “need to stick together, or we’ll have no shot”. Britney says in the diary room that not only is Janelle making her feel bad, but she’s “making some really good sense. She’s not coming after me. She’s not coming after the coaches. Why am I voting out someone who is an ally and an asset to me in this game?”

Britney races to the HOH, and cries that she can’t “keep up this charade any longer. I feel like a bad, bad person.” Dan, Shane, and Danielle don’t seem to really care for what she has to say, even when she asks why they’re voting her out. “When she doesn’t need you, she avoids you and treats you like crap”, replies Danielle in between bites of Cheez-its.

After commercials, it is time for the dreaded house interview. As predicted on last week’s Big Brother Gossip Show, the first question goes to Frank’s “spiritard”. He’s even made to give a cheer. Gag me now. Boogie is then asked about how he wasn’t happy with the game reset, but he says he’s feeling better about it now. “I did a little work this week, and I think I’m feeling better about it.”

Wait, a question to Jenn??? Wow, shocker! She’s asked about competing with the coaches, and she says she’s “just living on a prayer”. She also claims that she believes her chances are better now that she’s on her own. Oh, I’m sure that will be discussed later tonight.

Ugh, and as also predicted on the Big Brother Gossip Show, we have to sit through a montage of Ian as a dog. He says he’s been loving every minute of his time in the house, and “it wouldn’t be the full Big Brother experience without a penalty costume”.

OMG, more filler – the fake romance between Ian and Ashley…complete with their parents. Gross, and CBS should be ashamed for this selective editing. Wait, his mom thinks the house is “scared” of him??? Bwahahahahah!

As they say on BBUK, it’s “crunch time”. Frank gets to make the first plea, and he claims that he’s played the game “like a gentleman”. Mama told him to “keep it classy”, and he says he’s done just that. Ooof, even Julie says that he sounds like Ron Burgendy.

Janelle is up next, and she says she loves “all of you”, and would be willing to help anybody with their game if they keep her. Otherwise, no hard feelings if she does leave tonght.

The live voting then commences with Boogie, who obviously votes to evict Janelle, as does Jenn. Joe, though, votes to evict Frank, but Wil, Ashley, Britney, Shane, kiss-ass Dan, and Ian all vote to evict Janelle. She’s out by a 8-1 vote!

Julie makes her announcement, and Janelle calmly hugs all (saying “it’s just a game”) before heading out the door to a huge cheer! Mickey Mantle has left the building! Julie notes that she kept it classy, and Julie notes that she isn’t nearly as surprises as she was when nominated. She says she’s out because she’s a strong player, which is a compliment. While she is being cool and calm, what is with the little girl voice that she’s using? Julie also asks why she hit the reset when she still had three players in the game, and it’s just because she wanted to play.

Frank is the next topic, and she says that she was “scared of him” because he was such a strong player. It may have hurt her a little in the game, but he was also the focus of others. Janelle is then asked about the fateful coach’s meeting n the HOH, and she says she “didn’t want to throw Wil or Joe under the bus”. This leads into her rivalry with Boogie, but while he got her this time the “target is too big on him to win the game this time. I’m rooting for Dan. I love Dan.”

The goodbye messages then roll, and Dan explains how her unwilling to sacrifice her teammates is what cost her. Britney whines about how she feels bad about being a part of the plan, and Joe does his customary nonsensical screaming. He promises to avenge her eviction. Boogie brags that she shouldn’t blame the others – “this one was all me. So for the third time, always the bridesmaid but never the Big Brother bride.” Janelle’s response? “He’s such a loser. What a douchebag. Screw you, Mike Boogie.”

Ok, it’s now HOH competition time, and it’s a “knockout” type question game called “Big Brother Battle of the Bands”. Hmmm, this would be a perfect title for a game that Jenn wins. A song is played, and then the players choose whether the song describes a HOH, Coach, or Veto competition. A right answer means you remain for the next round; the wrong answer means the other player remains.

The game starts with Wil versus Jenn, and they’re both confused before Wil correctly answers that it was a HOH song. He chooses Boogie versus Joe in the next round, and Boogie correctly chooses a veto song. He then picks Wil versus Ashley, who almost flashes us. Ashley is first this time, and she is right on with her HOH guess.

Ashley is completely confused about what she has to do next, and finally picks Britney and Shane for the next round. Britney is the first to ring in, and she is also right on with her coach choice. Ash and Ian are now up, and Ian correctly picks Coach. He then picks Dan and Britney, and this time Britney is right with HOH. Frank and Boogie then face each other, and Boogie immediately hits veto before the song even starts. He’s obviously wrong, and Ian and Britney now have to face each other.

They both leap at the button at the same time, but Britney is just a split second early with the correct veto pick. It’s now Frank versus Britney for the HOH victory, and Frank picks veto. Yes, he is right…and Frank is the new HOH!!!

There is one final segment in the show, with Julie talking to Frank. It’s a pretty worthless couple of minutes, and that’s it for this episode. What did you think of tonight’s show? Are you sad to see Janelle hit the road? Give us your thoughts!

Wednesday
Aug082012

Big Brother #14, Episode 12 Recap

“How does it feel

To treat me like you do

When you’ve laid your hands upon me And told me who you are

I thought I was mistaken

I thought I heard your words

Tell me how do I feel

Tell me now how do I feel” – New Order, “Blue Monday”

From an album, Power Corruption and Lies, that could also be the title of tonight’s episode, “Blue Monday” was the breakout track for a band that before that moment lived in the shadows of their former incarnation, Joy Division. Ignored by music critics, this track made them international superstars.

While not nearly as talented as any member of this band, tonight’s episode is Danielle’s “Blue Monday”. Ignored by most of the house, and laughed at by the live feed viewers, the nurse/teacher/would-be Miss Alabama’s reign as HOH was seen by EVERYBODY as nothing more than an opportunity for others to do their dirty work under her name.

Yet tonight’s episode sees the girl with a thousand diseases take control of the house and use it to make the biggest move of the season so far. Sure, her reasoning was more catty than strategic, but tonight’s show does end with her accomplishing something that arguably nobody else would have dared attempted. The question remains, though, will this ultimately be a good move?

Before we get to the shocking conclusion, we have lots of filler to sit through, starting off with the reactions to Danielle’s nominations of Frank and Wil. For once, there is a funny comment in these diary room statements. “All good southern girls go to heaven”, says Wil, “but nasty southern belles go to hell.”

Danielle explains that Wil is just a pawn, because she wants Frank out the door. Frank, though, says he’s been “dodging bullets” all season, and just wants to save himself in the veto. “Then I’m going after Dan and Danielle.” Dan, though, just wants to keep the nominations the same.

Wil heads up into the diary room, where he hugs a crying Danielle. He says it is ok, but he is still worried as most pawns end up going home. He even tries to tell her it is a relief, as “I’m not really cut out for this game”. Danielle reassures him that everybody indeed loves him.

Frank and Boogie are now in their usual spot in the house, in the nomination chairs laughing at their misfortune. “I think it’s the hair, dog”, says Boogie. Beneath their jokes, Frank says he’s frustrated. They both complain about how they’re so over Danielle, Dan, and Janelle. Hell, they’re over everybody, actually. Adding to their paranoia, Boogie thinks there is a chance he’s being set up to be backdoored.

Now Janelle heads up to the HOH to supposedly use the bathroom, but instead whines to Dan about Boogie. We talked about this on last Saturday’s Big Brother Gossip Show, so there isn’t much need to go through this conversation…just like the next scene of Dan confronting Boogie about his attitude towards the other coaches.

After commercials, Ian comes into the HOH to talk to Danielle and Britney because he’s “feeling really alone...I’d like to be in one of the (groups)”. Britney asks if he would be willing to vote out Boogie at some point, and he says that he would do just that. Britney adds that he would have to be 100% committed to any group he adds, and she does admit in the diary room that she’s not completely sold.

Dan now joins the conversation, and says that he really likes Ian. “Are you truly reset and away from Team Boogie?” Ian admits that he does like Frank a lot. Truthfully, the conversation ends with little settled.

Time to pick veto players – Danielle pulls out Shane’s name, Frank gets Jenn, and Wil gets Ian. Boogie is not happy, as he is “basically alone”. Yes, Boogie’s other two players are in this event, but neither Ian or Jenn “have shown much competition prowess”. The host for the competition will be Dan.

Frank runs into Janelle in the bathroom, and asks her if she still believes he wants all the coaches out. A disinterested Janelle says she has no idea what he wants as they have never talked, but does follow up with that very question. She says that she “definitely wants to work with a strong player, as I have no one”. Silly Britney wanders downstairs and is shocked to see Janelle actually talking with the very person she wants out, and scampers back upstairs to tattle.

Oh how the tide has turned, as Danielle gets to jump back on the anti-Janelle bandwagon. “She infuriates me.” Dan is upset because he wants to unite all the coaches, and is pissed that Britney is making such a big deal about “one talk”.

It’s now veto competition time, and the backyard is in a baseball theme. Danielle’s panties are immediately wet because she thinks Shane looks “so cute” in a baseball uniform. “I hope I can focus on my game.” Please gag me with the fake relationship shit.

To play this game, a ball rolled down a ramp into a diamond-shaped structure. At the end of each round, the lowest score is out. They then get to go claim their prize, but future “losers” get to take whatever they have “won”. Yes, it is a variation of a comp that happens every single year.

Ian has decided that he is going to throw this comp, as he has no clue yet who he is working with. He then rolls a three, but Shane only gets a two. Jenn, who says she actually wants to win this game, rolls a nine, and Danielle gets a four. Wil ends the round with a six, which means that Shane is out in the first round. His prize is the veto, but at least he is smart enough to realize he won’t be holding onto it long.

In the second round, Ian scores a perfect twenty. Jenn gets a six, as does Danielle. Will nabs a five, while Frank hits a nine. Wil is now out, and his prize is a “veto ticket”, which guarantees that he plays next week. After a handful of Cracker Jacks, he does trade for the veto.

For the third round, Jenn gets a two, Danielle nabs a ten, and Frank’s score is a four. Ian’s roll if a five, which makes Jenn this round’s loser. Her prize is a Maui vacation, and she elects to keep it. Britney isn’t impressed.

Round four kicks off with a nine for Danielle and Frank, while Ian only gets a four. He’s now out, and his prize is a “dog’s life”, where he has to wear a dog costume and do nothing but stupid dog tricks. He’s already smiling, and does elect to keep the prize…which infuriates Boogie.

In the final round, Frank rolls an eight…but Danielle beats him by rolling a ten! Frank’s prize is five grand, but he trades for the veto. Danielle’s prize is a “spiritard”, but obviously she trades it for the veto. Yes, Frank has to wear this year’s version of the “unitard”. Frank is bummed, but Boogie claims he still has some tricks up his sleeve.

After the comp, Boogie and Dan head into the lounge to chat. “I just got beat by a sorority girl in a POV”, complains Frank. They talk about how no matter what they do, they have to get Dan on board for any plan. “I wish I could talk him into putting up Janelle”, says Boogie. “I want Janelle out of here.” They know this will take work, but they’re going to do their best.

First, though, we have to endure the filler for this episode – the “spiritard” and the dog costume. Yes, Ian, you are the Big Brother house pet. Actually, you have been all season. Yes, hilarity ensures.

Ok, back to the game, as Jenn and Dogboy head into the HOH. Oh wait, Jenn just brings the puppy up to the room, and then leaves so he can “solidify my alliance” with Dan, Shane, Britney, and Danielle. Dan screams that he loves the idea, but we have to sit through the idiocy of picking an alliance name. Their decision? The Quck Pack. Shoot me now.

Hilarity finished, Boogie now comes in the HOH to talk to Danielle. He wants to take out a really, really, really dangerous player out, and Danielle’s eyes light up when she finally figures out that he’s talking about Danielle. This way, next week when she can’t play she has “five warriors”. Danielle says she worries that Boogie will turn against her, but Boogie claims it would never happen.

Boogie then has the same conversation with Dan, and he knows that this will take more work. Funny thing is Janelle walks into the HOH just as they start the conversation. Boogie launches into how she will never “be workable”, and that he feels like he is “selling water in the Mojave desert”. Janele returns, but this time she is with Britney. Boogie tries to give the girls the boot, but they won’t budge. Janelle, though, is now rah rah Boogie, who outright says he doesn’t trust her. He isn’t willing to send Frank home to work with people that “have done nothing for me”.

Dan tries to mediate, but Boogie says he can’t trust Joe. So why not put up Joe in place of Frank? Janelle doesn’t respond, which Dan screams in the diary room it indicates she is lying. After this stalemate, the girls leave and even Dan admits that the coach alliance is never going to work. “It’s about time the two winners of the game got back on the same side.” Frank joins them in the HOH, and they celebrate their new partnership.

After the last commercial break, Danielle comes into the HOH and Dan tells her the story of what happened. Britney and Shane also join in…and eventually even Ian comes in. They go around the room to see what they think, and Ian says that while Boogie wouldn’t nominate any of them Janelle would have no problems with anybody in that room. “I think that it is much safer to get Janelle out of here because she’s much more likely to win HOH.” Wow, Ian. That is your biggest statement of the season. Danielle and Dan vote the same, while Britney and Shane are undecided.

Frank and Boogie now join the crew, and Britney says that she is worried what will happen if either Jenn or Wil win HOH. Once again, a name is more important than anything else, and they settle on “The Silent Six”. Gross.

But here comes Janelle! She knocks on the door, but nobody responds. Classy.

Finally, it is veto ceremony time…thankfully cut short so we could get that last scene in. Danielle calls everybody in, and we don’t even get the pleas from the nominees. “I have decided to use the power of veto to save Wil. This is nothing personal. It’s completely strategic.” Her replacement nominee is Janelle!

Britney pretends to be shocked as Danielle shuts the wooden veto box. Makeup-free, she gloats in the diary room, while Janelle complains that she felt so safe she didn’t even bother to put on makeup before the ceremony. “I would have put on a cute outfit, and actually washed my face and hair. I have no idea what happened, but I’m not going to go down without a fight.”

The show ends with Boogie and Frank doing their idiotic Chilltown II crap. Dammit, Boogie, just when I like you again.

So…what did you think of the show? How about those new alliances? Will Janelle leave the house tomorrow? Let us know your thoughts!

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