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Tuesday
Aug182009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 18 Recap

AKA: The Ballad of Chima Simone


Before we begin with tonight’s recap, I must apologize for not having a report on Sunday’s episode. I spent the weekend with a lovely young woman in Colorado, and really didn’t feel up to doing anything but sleep when I returned home late Sunday evening.

From what I’ve been told, though, Sunday’s episode was a bore, particularly since the happenings in the house over the weekend completely trumped what they showed from Thursday and Friday. Our little Chima certainly outdone herself, and I find it hilarious that all of this came about because her simpleton buddy Jessie was evicted.

One last thing before we head to the recap. At times, I sort of liked Chima. Really, I did. She’s a pretty smart woman whose clearly gone through a lot in her life. Yet any sympathy I had for her has completely dissipated since I read these tweets:

“Keep talking bitches! You’re making me famous.”

“Facitious (sic), Simulated, Concocted, Fabricated, Manufactured, Deceptive, Delusive, Misleading, Unathenticated, Pseudo, Sham, Bogus, Unreal”

“I find it hilarious that most of my detractors are ugly or fat. Sometimes a combination of the two. High school all over again. LOL!”

Classy, my dear…if it is you.

So we start, as always, with the reactions to Michelle’s nominations of Chima and Natalie. Michelle says that even though she likes Chima, she has to “keep my mind straight and remember I’m in the Big Brother house to win a half million dollars. I don’t think my friendship with Chima is worth $500,000.”

Russell thanks Michelle, and hugs her as the girls walk into one of the bedrooms. Lydia is livid. “What the fuck?” Natalie points out that Michelle did what “they” want her to do. “I’ve done nothing but be kind to her”, claims Chima, and Lydia verifies this by saying that she stood up for her. “I know. I know. She totally fucked me on that.”

Russell and Jordan are up in the HOH with Michelle, Jeff, and Russell. They know that Chima is going to cause chaos because of her nomination (but obviously have no idea just how much she’ll create). Russell tells her not to worry, because they all know who each others friends are. Jordan adds in the diary room that “one of them needs to go, preferably Chima. They’re the biggest group of whiners I’ve ever met. They complain constantly. I think they’re rude. The list just goes on.”

Jeff turns on the spy cam, and Jordan notes that this is what they do after they nominated somebody from their group. “This is the exact scenario“, says Jeff, “except we didn’t run off and pout.” Jordan adds that Chima is one of the strongest people in the house, and Jeff adds that “she’s one of the hugest bitches I’ve ever met in my whole life. She’s a nightmare.”

Chima is now seen in the red room, telling the rest of her team that she wants to go home. Kevin, as usual, tries to be the voice of reason. “Don’t quit. Don’t ever quit. If you leave, you’d be screwing me. You’d be screwing us who are left, because then your vote would be gone from the jury house.” More Michelle bashing ensues, and Chima claims she’s always kept her word. “It’s a complete stab in the back.” Kevin says she just needs to win POV, and Chima adds that she’s not going to let Michelle boot her out of the house.

A few people are now sitting in the kitchen when Big Brother announces the inside lockdown is over. Kevin looks outside, and there’s a “practice version” of the POV competition. Lydia sarcastically says “sweet”, and Natalie repeats what Kevin just said. (BTW, it’s a one-hole miniature golf setup.) Natalie tells Kevin that he needs to go wake up Chima, “because we’re the ones who need to practice”. Kevin says he’s happy to try to motivate her because she needs to win, but Chima is buried under her blanket. She wanders out, and BB immediately implores her to put on her microphone. She says she doesn’t “give a fuck”, and Natalie tells Lydia to go get it. Chima tells her not to bother.

The rest of the house is still sitting in the kitchen, and in the diary room Jordan complains that Chima “is a diva. She’s been braking rules since day one, and she acts like the rules don’t apply to her.” We then see a montage of her ignoring BB instructions and promising chaos if Jeff uses the mystery power. “They tell me to get up, I’m laying down. They tell me to go to the diary room; it’s going to take a long time.” At one point, the covers the bedroom camera with a blanket.

But back to the backyard incident. Chima is now practicing the golf game, and Kevin describes the rule about wearing microphones as we see him wandering into the bedroom to get Chima’s mic. Natalie grabs it from Kevin, and she hands it to Chima, who lobs it into the sauna before continuing her practice.

Lydia says in the diary room that she ‘was mortified”, as Natalie attempts to dig it out of the sauna. Natalie says to say it “fell out of her hand”, and reminds Chima that she could be forced to pay for it. “Yeah, whatever.”

Everybody has now gradually come out into the backyard, as Lydia and Chima are sitting on the washer and dryer (to prevent others from using it, as per their genius plan). Again, BB instructs Chima to come in to exchange her microphone. “I’m not going anywhere.” Kevin again goes off to help Chima, who tells him to “stop”. Natalie warns her that she’s going to hit her with the mallet if she doesn’t stop.

In the dairy room, Jeff says that “all” the people in the house were telling her to “please” put on her microphone. Kevin has brought it out for her, and after BB instructs her to put it on, she says “fuck off. You guys can suck cock.” Lydia jokes that she’ll now be Natalie’s best friend if Chima leaves. Again, Chima takes off her microphone and lays it down on the dryer.

We move on to later in the night, and the girls (and Kevin) are in the bedroom. Chima says the she “feels defeated”, and Natalie advises her to not let the other side get to her. Lydia points out that there is an exit door, and Chima yells at the BB announcement for her to go to the diary room. She adds that her whole HOH week was a joke against her, and promises to “create all kinds of havoc”. She again says she’s not going to the diary room, and that they have to come to her. Producer Allison Grodner now comes on, and tells her that she has to come to the diary room. Natalie continues to try to inspire her, but Chima clearly isn’t listening.

Chima heads into the diary room, and is greeted by a staffer…and we go to commercials.

When we return, everybody is seen waiting for Chima’s return, and Kevin says he feels that Chima won’t be returning and that she’ll have to pay for that mic. Lydia repeats the lie about dropping the mic, and Kevin points out that “they’re (BB) not stupid. They have 10,000 cameras.” Again, Grodner’s voice comes on the loudspeaker, telling everybody to gather in the living room.

Grodner announces that because Chima obviously didn’t want to follow the rules, and destroyed a piece of production equipment she has been expelled. Kevin cries out, “this is stupid”, and Lydia asks if they should pack her stuff. Continuing to repeat that it’s stupid, Kevin breaks down crying.

Meanwhile, Jeff is outside calling her a “nuisance and a menace…we’re playing a game, man”. Jordan adds that she “lost all respect for all of them”, and Michelle wants everybody to treat each other with respect.

The other side is packing, and Natalie starts in on how it’s all Michelle’s fault. Lydia, of all people, tells her that “now is not the time”, and that Chima needs help. Natalie continues, whining about how they “took her HOH power away”. Again, Lydia is actually making sense, and that they need to focus on getting the people that screwed the three of them.

After commercials, Michelle gathers everybody into the living room to announce that since Chima left her duties as HOH are over. A new HOH competition is about to begin, and Kevin, Natalie, and Lydia feel they have new life.

They head outside, and the competition is indeed involving the mini-golf from the previous night. Jeff says that it “just looks like a fun day”. Natalie says that this is the most important HOH of the game, and also claims that she “has been running this house”. Oh really? Others basically repeat the same story about the importance of this game.

Lydia goes first, and after complaining about how “sick” she is at being on the block, her ball lands in the “6” spot. Jordan is up next, and has to beat Lydia’s score to stay in the game. She gets a “3” to stay in the game, and Natalie scores a “2”. (Like golf, the lowest score wins.) Russell gets a hole in one, as does Jeff. To stay in the game, Kevin has to score higher than Lydia’s “6”, and indeed gets a hole in one.

Lydia is out, and the prize she chooses is the HOH. Unfortunately, she won’t get to keep it very long. She’s happy to learn there’s champagne, though.

Jordan starts off the next round with a hole in one, and Natalie gets a “7”. Russell again gets a hole in one, as does Jeff and Kevin. Natalie is now out, and her prize is a Hawaiian vacation. She decides to keep it, since the HOH key will be taken anyway. Kevin is not happy that it’s now up to him to win.

Jeff starts off round three with a hole in one, and Jordan scores a “2”. Russell bounces out of the hole in one hole, and is out with a score of “7”. His prize is the phone call from home, but trades it with Natalie’s Hawaiian vacation. Natalie starts crying because it’s the “best thing that could happen to me”. She thanks Russell, who say she did it for his parents and not her. Russell believes her crying was fake.

Jeff gets another hole in one in round four, but Kevin’s ball lands in the “5”. Jordan gets a four, so Kevin is now out. She tells Kevin that he’s safe when they hug. Kevin’s prize is $5,000, and he says he’s going to keep it. Lydia complains that “evil prevails”.

Jordan goes first in the last round, and scores a “4”. Lydia bitches from the sidelines that “they’re going ot string you along, and cut you at the end”, which sets Jeff off. Before his attempt, Jeff asks Jordan if she wants HOH, and she says she does. He purposely hits it off the playing field, which Russell says is a “classy move”. Jeff’s prize is a spa experience, which he trades with Russell for the Hawaiian vacation. Jordan’s prize is a Captain Unitard costume, which she trades with Lydia for the HOH key. “Be a puppet, Jordan”, complains Lydia. “The dumb ho will be cut at the end.” Again, Jeff goes off on her, which ends with Lydia calling her a “ho puppet” before storming off. Again, she starts bitching about how they screwed over Jessie and Chima.

Lydia’s not done, though. It’s later in the day, and Michelle is talking with Jordan about Natalie’s attitude. Lydia overhears, and slams the door open. “Good job”, Michelle sarcastically says. “Wear your unitard, bitch.”

After laughing with Natalie, Lydia runs out into the kitchen and dumps Michelle’s leftover HOH beers and food. “Vote me out, seriously.” Jeff says that she’s staying, and he and Russell start laughing. This goes back and forth before Jeff asks her how she’s going to get them out when she’s the first one out of every competition. Oh no you didn’t!

Jeff asks what’s wrong with her, and she complains again about kicking out Jessie. Jeff says that it’s just a game, and they should enjoy their time. Lydia says she’s going to keep yelling all week, while Michelle stands there with a grin. “You guys are a waste of space”, Lydia bitches with just a bit of a slur. Somehow, Lydia thinks that going into the diary room with her will prove what a man he is. She heads into the diary room alone, and starts bawling about wanting to talk to Ronnie, Chima, or Jessie as Jeff continues to try to create a truce with the rest of the house. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work, and he ends up as heated as the rest.

As we’re rushing to the end, Jordan finally gets to see her HOH room. Natalie and Kevin heads up, but there’s no sign of Lydia. As with most of these gatherings, Jordan starts crying as she reads her letter from home, especially when she finds out that after two years she finally gets her own room. They all laugh when Jordan reads a line about not using any more dirty words. We also rush through Lydia’s Captain Unitard outfit, and Lydia does seem to be a bit more cheery.

Now, it’s finally time for the nominations. At least we run through this quickly, and don’t have to deal with all of the babbling about how everybody doesn’t want to be nominated. The first key belongs to Michelle, followed by Jeff, Kevin, and Russell. As anybody could expect, Natalie and Lydia are nominated.

Jordan says that she nominated Lydia because the other day she said she wanted to leave. “I’m giving you the opportunity.” Natalie was nominated because she’s a strong player “but no hard feelings. You still have the veto to play…” “And I plan on winning it”, Natalie responds.

Neither are surprised, but Lydia says she’s “not ready to just let them evict me”. Jordan says she wants to evict Natalie, who complains how she’s been nominated three times in the past three days.

So that’s it. Not quite as shocking as expected, but still one of the best Tuesday episodes ever.

Thursday
Aug132009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 16 Recap

I must begin tonight’s recap with a bit of a confession. Last week I was guilty of hyperbole, but it was unintentional. Knowing that Ronnie would be evicted, along with the unveiling of the “coup d’etat”, I believed it would be a perfect episode.

Yet, it was a bit underwhelming. Outside of a bat shit crazy statement towards Michelle, Ronnie’s eviction was not as fun as I had hoped. And quite frankly, Jeff’s winning the mystery power was so expected that it was truly anticlimactic.

But tonight is another story. There’s just no way tonight’s episode isn’t going to be action-packed. Will Jeff use the mystery power? If so, who will he use it on? Most importantly, how will everybody react?

That last question is obviously foremost on the minds of BB producers, as they made the unprecedented move of pre-taping tonight’s episode. Much of this is obviously due to the constant threats from Chima and others to disrupt the broadcast, but I’d say there’s other reasons that may even outweigh the possibility of bad words making it over the airwaves.

Historically, the BB producers have been pretty unimaginative and clichéd when it comes to the formatting of the shows. I criticize them every week over the predictability of the pacing of the show. The live eviction show is no exception. Outside of occasional packages on the contestant’s families, you can set your clocks according to what happens.

The mystery power throws a wrench into the tight format, and BB producers have historically had a tough time dealing with anything out or the ordinary. The mystery power is uncharted territory for them, as it wasn’t used the prior time it was in play. With this in mind, even without the chaos that it’s bound to create INSIDE the house, there’s going to be even more in the control booth. Prerecording the episode gives them a couple of hours to not only clean up the reactions, but also tie up some production issues.

So here we go!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah - recaps, recaps, zzzzzzz! Let’s get to the good stuff! Polka-dotted Julie Chen sets the stage as she always does, explaining how the mystery power works (as if we didn’t already know). But first…we start with Kevin’s decision to not use the veto earlier this week. Seriously, this material doesn’t need to be aired since it’s all meaningless.

Yes, Kevin, we know you don’t want any enemies, but Lydia says it’s “bogus” he didn’t save his best friend from the block. Chima is obviously happy that Russell MAY be leaving the house.

Russell heads into the bedroom and finds Lydia hidden under the covers. He hugs her, and says that he’s going to lobby for some votes. First candidate? Jessie. Oh wait, it’s not. Jessie’s coming into cheer up Lydia (and maybe get one last handy for the road). As always, Jessie turns it to himself because he’s worried about the “wizard power”. Lydia asks why he’s “psyching himself out”, and Jessie says it’s because he’s lost before.

Outside, Russell asks Jeff what he would do “hypothetically” if he was the wizard. Jeff emphatically answers the he doesn’t know “what this wizard power entails”. Um, yeah. Jeff adds that it’s been the talk of the whole week as we see a montage of conversation about it. Jeff adds that he “love, love, loves” having this mystery power.

Jeff is now sitting in the pool with Jordan as everybody looks on. Natalie says that her and Jessie believe that either Jeff or Jordan have the power, and they’re going to (shocker) actually spend the day outside with them. Are there beds in the backkyard. Jessie plays in the pool with Jordan, while Natalie attempts (key word) to play badminton with Jeff. Uncomfortable!!! Even silly Jordan understands that this is fraudulent. Well, she says it’s scandalous. Silly girl.

It’s now evening, and Jessie is playing pool with Russell, who points out that neither of them can win the finals next to any of the women. Russell says in the diary room that he’s trying to get Jessie’s vote, but Jessie again complains about being “kicked in the teeth” by not choosing him to play in the POV. Russell shows a bit of smarts, though, saying that the only reason Jessie wanted to play was to make himself safe from the mystery power. “Go get Natalie to massage your back.” He goes on about how he can’t win against the girls, and again Jessie complains that Russell chose Jeff over him.

We move on to Russell attempting to sway Michelle in the pool room by saying that with Jeff and Jordan’s votes all he needs is one more. Natalie is in the next room, though, and informs Jessie that the two of them are talking. Jessie shakes his head, especially since he thinks she may have the mystery power. “This may be the end of my game.”

Jessie walks in on the two of them, and immediately starts in on Russell. “Wasn’t it like four or five days ago that he was sitting there calling you crazy?” (Flashback to that scene.) “Yes, it was”, replies Michelle. Now the two of them get into it. Michelle finally leaves to let them argue.

Continuing to move around the house, we now see Jessie in Chima’s HOH bed. Chima hopes that Russell is unanimously voted out. “He deserves what he gets, and hopefully it’s outside with Julie”, replies Jessie. Chima adds that she hopes wants to “dance on Russell’s grave”, and that if “Jeff wants to see me wile animal-style, keep Russell here.” She adds in the diary room that she’s 99% sure that Jeff has the mystery power, and that the person who hates drama will now be in the midst of it.

After commercials, Julie addresses the house. She asks who is nervous, and Jessie, Natalie, and Jeff raise their hands. Interesting. She asks Kevin how hard it was not to use the veto on Lydia. He says he “kind of struggled with it”, but hopes that Lydia has forgiven him.

You know where the next question went, and Lydia says she still loves him despite the fact he didn’t save her. He claps in response. “It can only make us stronger”, she adds.

After Julie congratulates them for making the halfway mark, she explains to them that those evicted will now be a part of the jury house. Yet for some reason, she asks Natalie what is the most surprising thing about the game so far. She says it’s the boredom, which Julie doesn’t believe because of all the tension and drama. “I want to see what your real life is like.” Point to Julie.

Jeff is then asked if this game has been more difficult than he believe it would be, and of course he answers that it is. “(There’s) just all the tension (and) all the downtime…every day is a mind…” “Don’t say it”, pleads Julie!

Interview time over, we get to visit with Chima’s grandmother after she talks about how her family is a group of strong women. Grandma is adorable as she describes her, but it’s her friend Kimberly I want to know more about! Grandma is wise, though, when she is seen watching the arguments with Russell. “You should not get personal.“ Enough with the filler! Let’s get down to the real business!

It’s time for Julie’s HOH talk with Chima, and Julie begins by asking about the dissolution of her friendship with Russell. “I thought we were friends, but he was speaking of me behind my back…it was inevitable that I‘d find out all these things.” Julie asks if she has any regrets about the things she said to and about him, and she says she doesn’t. The final question is about the mystery power, and whether it’s affected her strategy. She says that she basically had to just forget about it, and do what she wanted to do which is to get Russell out.


We go back to the living room, and it’s time to see if Jeff is going to use the mystery power. Jeff stands up, and Jessie knows what’s going to happen. Jordan’s jaw just dropped to the floor. Kevin is relieved that he can’t be put on the block.

Julie asks if he wants to take Lydia off the block, and he then puts up Natalie in her place. He is then asked about Russell, and replaces him with Jessie, who for some ungodly reason takes off one of his shirts! Julie asks if he wants to say anything to the new nominees, and he says “as I learned from both of you, this is just a game. I know you’re upset, but you guys run this house, and haven’t had the chance to feel the block. I have the power, and now you guys got to feel the pain a little bit. Enjoy.”

They both get to plead their case, though, and Natalie says that she now knows she was right to “fear this power…I can’t say anything bad about Jessie. Not only has he been a good friend, but he’s been a great ally. I would love to talk to him outside this house. I’ve been loyal in this house. There are certain people I’ve given my word to, and I have not gone back on my word.”

She goes on, but let’s move on to Jessie. “This was worst case scenario, and the best move you’ve done so far (to Jeff). Congratulations, man. I saw it coming. I’ve been loyal to everybody that I’ve talked to, and I’ve proven it in my actions (Chima nods in agreement). You got the short end of the stick because you chose the world you wanted to choose, and Jordan did the same.” Actually, a nice little speech from Jessie, although he has to be cut off by Julie.

The voting begins with Lydia, who votes to eliminate Natalie. Jordan is next, and chooses Jessie, as does Kevin and Michelle. Russell is the final vote, and his meaningless vote goes against Natalie. Interesting.

After commercials, Julie announces that Jessie has been eliminated. He hugs Natalie, Chima, and Lydia, and the house is quiet as he heads out. Oh wait, he comes back to babble some nonsense. After hugging Julie, it appears that Lydia is taking his eviction the hardest. Wait, Chima is pissed, saying that somebody (Jordan?) “knew” Jeff had the power, and that she needs to have a talk with the producers. Still, not the rage we were promised!

Julie immediately asks Jessie about the mystery power, and he babbles that since America hated him last year, they obviously would choose somebody that hated him this year. “You’re blaming America for not giving you the coup d-etat?” She then asks why he didn’t spend “tons of face time” with Jeff if he thought he had the power. Jessie’s response is that he had given him his word that he had other people he was going after. Julie pushes the issue a bit more, and complains about him sleeping 12 - 13 hours a day. Jessie says that it didn’t matter because Jeff didn’t have any power anyway. “It was (the) best move for him…it doesn’t matter as I’ll be a sports entertainer no worries (as he flexes his muscles).” Julie makes a joke about the jury house, and the reign of Jessie is officially over!


As you may expect, we end with the HOH competition, which is called “Hit the Road”. Two people at a time face off with questions about previous competitions, and the answers are either “HOH”, “Have Not”, or “Veto”. The winner of a round causes the loser to be eliminated, and then picks the next two people to play. Yeah, we’ve seen variations of this in previous seasons.

Lydia and Kevin are up first, and Kevin is correct and chooses Jeff and Russell (with a little help from Chima). Russell is incorrect on the next round, so Jeff chooses Chima and Natalie. Chima is correct, and chooses Jeff and Jordan to play. Jeff is correct, and chooses Kevin and Chima. Kevin is right this time around, and Michelle and Jeff are up next. Michelle wins this round, and goes up against Kevin for HOH. Michelle answers correctly, and wins HOH! (Has she now won the most competitions?)

So there we go - not as many fireworks as we expected, but still pretty exciting!

Tuesday
Aug112009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 15 Recap

Welcome to Filler Tuesday! I don’t expect a lot from tonight’s episode, as we’re bound to primarily see footage of movie night, Chima’s dream of a “Girl Alliance”, and lots of speculation as to who has the “mystery power”.

Oh yeah, we’ll also see the ramifications of Chima’s nominations of Russell and Lydia, along with a veto competition supposedly involving chicken costumes, and a veto ceremony. Seriously, though, this will all be pretty anticlimactic material.

So here we go with the reactions to Chima’s nominations. Lydia says that she does believe Chima’s real target is Russell, but “Russell could really lay on the schmoozing to the other house guests and I could be going home.” Russell makes a crack to everybody about how his own team nominated him, and he explains in the diary room how this nomination means his alliance with Chima, Natalie, and Jessie is over.

Chima is in one of the bedrooms, and Natalie and Jessie come in to congratulate her on her nomination speech. “It was so short (but) so good, you know”, says Natalie. “It was classy.’ Like Natalie knows class.

Russell is now out in the kitchen with a clearly depressed Lydia, and he gives her a little pep talk. She says it must really suck for his alliance to turn on him. “I didn’t put any of them up last week”, he says. “I didn’t even consider it. You want to talk about backstabbing.”

Natalie and Jessie are now playing chess when Jeff is called to the diary room. Jessie is convinced Jeff has the “mystery power”, and heads into the HOH to inform Chima his belief. Natalie doesn’t think he’d even use it if he has it, and Chima also thinks he’s overreacting. In the diary room, Jessie is more coherent than usual as he describes how the only safe people are the HOH and POV winner. “That is why I want to play in the POV…you can’t play to win if you don’t get to play at all.” Natalie proclaims that she will be playing if Chima gets to choose, which doesn’t sit well with Jessie. Chima asks her who would be best to play against Russell, and Natalie points to herself. Hmmmm.

Russell is now in the “Have Not” room complaining to Jeff about how he feels betrayed, and that he wants to now be on Jeff’s team. “Give me a chance and I’ll come on your team, and it will be a big fuck you to them. We‘ll pick off every single one of them. I was never, ever at any point going to take out you or Jordan.” Jeff responds that if one of them wins next week, they have to go after them. He agrees to work with Russell, but he has to work with them. In the diary room, Jeff adds that by using the mystery power, he could take out a “big dog” (cut to Jessie and Natalie) and that would change the game.

In the diary room, Russell says that he’s going to “try to mend some fences”, and we see him playing pool with Michelle. She giggles a bit before asking him what he wants from her. He says that Ronnie’s remarks didn’t represent him, and were wrong. It backfires, though, as he brings up the situation with her and Chima. “I can’t stand people who won’t admit when they’re wrong.” She claims that she doesn’t remember things well, despite her PhD. Finally, she storms off in a huff right up to the HOH to report the conversation to Chima and Natalie. “Because I can’t repeat a conversation verbatim, I’m the liar.”

Chima uses the opportunity to bring up her “girl’s alliance” idea, but they’re not to bring in Lydia until Russell is gone. (Funny how that conversation is cut much, much shorter than how it happened.) When Michelle comes back out of the HOH, Russell yells up to her, “what’s up, nutcase?” They go back and forth again, and Russell says in the diary room that she’s a “complete idiot”.

“Ronnie was right on everything. You need medicine.” Again, they go back and forth about lying and needing medication. “You need to start respecting women”, Michelle yells before waling away. “Russell is an expletive”, says Chima in the diary room. “Fill in the blank, America.” (You probably won’t guess what word she actually used the past few days.)

After commercials, it’s time to pick players for the POV competition. Chima pulls out Natalie’s name, which makes her happy. Russell gets “house guest choice”, and upsets Jessie by choosing Jeff. “By picking Jeff, I definitely exposed an alliance with him…and let everybody know that I closed the door on my old alliance.” Lydia also grabs “house guest choice”, and instead of Jessie she chooses Kevin. “I picked Kevin to play because Kevin will use the veto on me if he wins it.” Oh yeah? Chima chooses Michelle to host the competition. Jessie adds in the diary room that Russell’s choice of Jeff means the “end of the road” for their relationship.

They head outside to a backyard full of chickens, hay, eggs, bacon and other farm materials. Yes, they’re all dressed in chicken costumes. They have to pick up eggs and pull them up through a fence, and then carry the egg across a plank. The first player to get 12 eggs into their egg stand wins the veto.

As usual, there’s no reason for a play-by-play of the activities, especially as it’s a pretty tedious game. Kevin does well, Natalie doesn’t. Jeff’s taking his time to figure out the best method. It really comes down between Kevin, Lydia, and Russell, and finally the game ends with Kevin as the victor despite Russell‘s best effort to rattle him! “It is so about time that Kevin finally wins something in Big Brother“ he says. “Go Kevin! Go Kevin!” He says he’d like to use the veto on Lydia, but he really has to think about himself first. Russell is obviously disappointed, and says he has to come up with a new strategy.

After commercials, Kevin and Lydia are celebrating with a silly little dance. “So you’re so good. You’re staying, it’s no question.” Lydia is not real happy to hear that he may not use it on her. “If you were me, what would you do.” He tells her that they need to think long-term, and that Chima does not want her to go home. Kevin says he’s caught because for the first time he may make some enemies.

In the bedroom, Russell is again thinking about working up a new plan. He pulls Jessie into the storage room, and tells him that his only chance to win is if he’s in the final two with him. “Chima’s got control of all the women. Jeff‘s gunning for you.” Wow, selling out his own team. Jessie is non-committal, and complains about how he didn’t choose him for the veto. “I’m still worried about this mystery power.” Too bad they didn’t show Jessie’s reaction after Russell left the storage room (they cut away just a second before he muttered about twice screwing him over).

Now Jessie is in the bathroom with Jeff, telling him that he needs to know that he has people behind him. Jessie asks why Russell would choose him if the he was supposed to be Jessie’s best friend. “Maybe he felt betrayed or something.” Jessie then informs Jeff of the discussion about still banding together to go after Jeff. We hear Jessie talk in the diary room, but I really don’t know what he’s saying except that he doesn’t want to go this week.

Jessie is now in the HOH with Jordan, and informs her of the storage room conversation with Russell. “Jordan and Jeff are a pair”, exclaims Jessie. “If you tell one of them one thing, you have to tell the other the same damned story.” That’s actually pretty smart for Jessie, but the same can be said of him and Natalie. Jordan is sort of buying the story, although she says in the diary room that she doesn’t trust Jessie. “I don’t think he has my best interests. I think he’d throw me under the bus in a heart beat.” Talk moves to the mystery power, and Jordan thinks that Michelle has it (but hopes it’s Jeff).

Of course, she heads right back outside to inform Jeff that “they’re freaking out over the wizard thing”. Jeff points out that Jessie is being nice to her to ensure that Russell leaves. She asks who should be put up next week, and Jeff says that he’d “love to see Natalie against Jessie”. Oh boy!

It’s close to movie time, and Jordan and Chima are complaining about how long Jessie is spending in the shower. Russell complains that she’s a “brave little soldier who thinks she’s braver than they really are.” Uh oh. In the diary room, he complains that she’s a “complete bitch. She’s the most arrogant, self-centered person I’ve ever met.” Chima walks out of the bathroom complaining, and finally after a crack about her applying for America’s Top Model, she yells that he should “have been on America’s Top Terrorist!”

Yeah, you know what happens here. They yell back and forth - Russell yelling about her using racial slurs and her complaining that he “terrorizes everybody in the house”. Michelle sticks up for her, while the rest of the house just looks on. “You’re so mad that a woman is sending you home”, yells Chima, and continues on with the terrorist comments. “Grow a pair, and go home!”

It’s finally product placement time, as the winners (Jessie, Natalie, Russell, Jordan, and Chima) get to see the Jeremy Piven movie. Chima and Russell throw a few barbs at each other before the movie starts, but once it begins they’re all happy and just love it! (Of course they do!)

Afterwards, Russell sits outside with Lydia. She informs him that Kevin isn’t going to use the veto on her. “I guess Kevin thinks Chima is a better friend than I am.” Russell fans it a bit, saying that he’d use the veto on her. Lydia admits in the diary room that Russell has made some good points, and then we see Kevin come out to ask if she indeed informed Russell of that decision. He‘s not happy. “If I wanted Russell and the whole house to know, I would have told them.”

They move into one of the bedroom, and he again complains of her talking about his potential plans. “I’m actually looking out for you in the long run.” He then angrily says that he’ll use it on her, but she’ll end up being fucked. Again, we hear about how Kevin doesn’t want to anger anybody in the house.

It’s finally veto ceremony time. After staring at the wall of pictures, along with babbling from the nominees (and others), Kevin calls everybody into the house. Russell goes first, and just says that he doesn’t expect him to use it on him since Lydia is his friend. Lydia tells him how much she loves him, and that “it would be nice if you used it”. Kevin shatters her dream, though, by saying he’s not going to use it.

Lydia complains that she didn’t like what he said about not being a strain on their relationship. “How couldn’t it? I would have used it on Kevin. It really makes me rethink how I feel about him.” Russell knows his only hope is the mystery power. Jessie complains about the mystery power (again). “Thanks a lot, America.” Jeff ends the show by talking about how he has “free reign” over the house this week. “I’ll choose who I want out of here on Thursday.”

See you on Thursday for what could be the show of the season!

Monday
Aug102009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 14 Recap

When we left Thursday’s CBS broadcast of Big Brother, Chima had just won HOH and was celebrating as only she can - by cackling at her own jokes. Will she get that lotion she so desires? Will she fulfill Ronnie’s wish and nominate Russell? We’ll find out tonight, along with a promotional appearance by Jeremy Piven to try to convince us that The Good is a worthwhile movie (good luck on that).

After the lengthy recap (including Ronnie‘s fart while talking about class), we proceed with a replay of Ronnie’s diatribe against Michelle, who says he’s just “bitter because he didn’t even make it to the jury house. The Big Brother Encyclopedia didn’t even make it past week four”.

Lydia is happy that she survived, but is bummed out that Jessie may not have voted for her. Jeff throws out a couple of clichés when describing how happy he is that the “rat” is finally gone, while Jessie says that his elimination throws a “wrench in the plans. We lost a wingman.” He keeps going, but it’s hard to follow what he’s saying. Kevin also has some strong words, as he tends to do only when he knows nobody can hear him.

After Ronnie’s exit, Kevin tries to inform Michelle that Ronnie’s anger is only because she was the swing vote. Russell is happy that Ronnie’s gone, but the fact that Chima, Jessie and Natalie didn’t vote his way shows they’re not loyal to him. Kevin says that he thought Ronnie had the mystery power, and Jeff says he didn’t use it because he knew Ronnie was leaving.

We then move on to Chima’s win in the HOH competition. Chima babbles a bit about how happy she is that herself, Jessie, and Natalie are safe, and the fact that Russell had to hand him the HOH key is “sweet revenge, baby”. Russell knows that he’s going to have to “kiss some major ass” this week, while Lydia knows that she’ll be nominated for the third time because her best friend is Natalie, “my arch nemesis”. Jeff warns in the diary room that she shouldn’t be too excited, since the coup d’etat means he has the upper hand this week.

Almost everybody is now in the kitchen, and Chima jokes about drawing names out of the hat for the nominations. The mystery power comes up again, and Jordan says that they’re just calling it the “wizard” power. Natalie, the expert of everything, informs the house exactly what the mystery power entails. Jeff says he’s going to “use it wisely”.

Michelle and Lydia are now talking in the bedroom, and Lydia thinks the nominees will be the two of them. In another bedroom, Chima is telling Natalie that the only safe people are her and Jessie. Natalie is hinting at who she wants put up, but Chima doesn’t believe Jeff and Jordan are after her. Natalie also points out how strong Russell is, but he wouldn’t put up her or Chima the following week if he wins HOH.

And now the Princess gets her HOH key, and the usual babbling about the pictures occurs. We’ll just skip this segment, as we always do. Everybody finally leaves, and Michelle says she hopes that people other than herself are the targets. Her and Chima have a conversation that really leads to nowhere except that Chima wants a “girl’s alliance”.

After a commercial break, Chima and Russell are chatting in the HOH. Russell says he’s trying to mend fences, and apologizes for what happened earlier in the week. He attempts to say that he would never put her up due to “personal issues”, but Chima says she has a hard time trusting him. Uh oh, this conversation gets heated when Michelle’s name comes up. They hug, but Chima says again in the diary room that she doesn’t trust him, but keeping him may be in her best interest.

It’s now filler time, as Jordan and Jeff watch a spider. Jordan wants to know how spiders make webs, and Jeff thinks they come of their “wrist, like Spiderman”. Um, ok. She also wants to know how they mate, “like horses do it from behind”. Oh boy.

We move on to Chima chatting with Jessie, Jeff, Michelle, Natalie, and Kevin about being raped by a serial killer. She says the aftermath of that attack proved to herself about how strong she is. Everybody is obviously blown away by her story. Kevin says she has a whole new “respect” for her because she can still act cheerful and happy despite her ordeal. Jeff pretty much says the same thing.

Now we move on to Jeff and Jordan in one of the bedrooms, and Jordan thinks the two of them are going up. Jeff doesn’t believe it, and asks why Russell wouldn’t be the one put up. Jordan gets into bed with Jeff, and tells him she thinks Michelle has the mystery power. Jeff assures her that Lydia and Russell are going up, with Michelle the replacement. He says in the diary room that it’s hard to not tell her he has the mystery power. “We’re going to be fine.”

It’s now time to sell a bad movie. Everybody is lounging around the house when the doorbell rings. They all sprint to find Jeremy Piven! He brings them all into the living room, and Jeff is more than excited that one of his “top eight” is in the house. Chima’s also excited about his “great energy”. Piven asks the house who they think will be the first one to “lose it”, and then immediately points to Lydia (to great laughter). “God bless you, because I’ve been here for all of eleven minutes, and I’m about to have an emotional breakdown.”

He also asks if there’s been any hooking up, and Jordan’s eyes dart right to Jeff. What about Lydia and Jessie? Lydia says she laid on top of Kevin, so Piven asks if “Big Brother made you straight?” Piven then says that there will be a luxury competition, and the winner will see his new movie, The Goods.

The trailer is then shown, and of course they’re all excited by it. Piven adds that one winner will also get a big cash prize. “They seemed like a bunch of really nice kids”, Piven adds in the diary room. “I don’t think I could last very long at all. I think I would go completely insane.”

We’re led to believe that everybody immediately went outside for the competition (actually, it was held hours later), and Jessie asks how they’re going to meet up with him “on the other side”. Oh, Jessie.

The backyard is set up like a used car lot, and Chima describes it like an episode of Sanford and Son. They have to split up into two teams, but Jeff is bummed that Jordan’s not on his team. To win the game, they have to fill their car with as much junk as possible, and also file into the front seat. All of the “goods” have price tags which are then used to compile the point totals. Chima doesn’t play, but by choosing a team she gets to share in their rewards. Obviously, she picks Jessie’s team because, as Natalie claims, “we’re winners”.

The game begins, and again there’s no reason for a play by play. Ok, Jordan is precious when she describes that a seventeen-point bear is better than something that’s only ten or eleven points. Really? They all finally squeeze into their cars as time expires, and Jeff’s team ends up with 399 points. Jordan’s team, though, beats them with 410 points. Jeff, Kevin, Lydia, and Michelle are on slop, while the rest get to see Piven’s movie. Jordan’s teddy bear is the deciding factor!

For the big payday, the five winners have to grab envelopes with “commission” checks, and the highest check wins. Russell’s check is for ten grand, so he’s the winner!

After another commercial break, we see Jessie half-sleeping in the bathroom couch. Lydia crawls on top of him, and he complains he can’t breathe. She jumps off him, and storms off. Lydia says in the diary room that even though he voted to evict her, she’s going to still be his friend. As Lydia picks her feet next to Jessie, Natalie swoops in to grab him to go sleep in the HOH. Yeah, Lydia’s not happy.

Jessie and Natalie are now in the HOH, and when Jessie comes in Natalie immediately starts questioning him about what Lydia told him. Natalie wants a hug, and when he does she tells him to “go hug Lydia next”. She also goes off on how Lydia is after her, and he should remember that whenever he talks to her. He says that she needs to let him do what he needs to do (oh boy), and after they survive the week he’ll stop talking to her forever. It’s so hard to be Jessie.

Jessie heads downstairs, and for some reason we get harp music as we see footage of both Jessie and Natalie lying around apart from each other. As Natalie falls asleep, Jessie returns to apologize. “You guys are all I have.” Natalie picks up exactly where they left off before, and Chima chimes in how they don’t trust Lydia.

It’s now nomination time, and you know the drill here. Everybody talks about how worried they are as we watch Chima look at the picture wall and insert keys into the nomination box. Chima says her nominations are based on “personal and strategic reasons”, keeping in mind the people who have betrayed her.

She calls everybody in for the ceremony, and the first key drawn is Natalie (big surprise), followed by Jessie, Kevin, Michelle, Jordan, and Jeff. The nominees are Russell and Lydia! Chima says it should be no surprise that Russell is on the block because she doesn’t trust him. Lydia is told that she’s up because she doesn’t want her to vote for him. (What?)

Lydia jokes that “mama bear Chima is protecting her little baby bear Natalie, and they’re coming after the lone wolf Lydia. Very predictable.” Russell says he has “so much built up anger inside right now that I want to unleash on a couple of people. But I’m not going to do that…I’m going to kiss some ass and try to win people over with kindness.” Good luck with that.

Jessie adds that he’s worried about the “mystical wand power” (what?)..’wizard man”…”mystical being”…”the unicorn that’s going to come out of nowhere and say you’re gone. Go home.” Jeff adds that he has the ultimate decision on who goes home this week.

And that’s it for tonight’s episode. See you Tuesday!

Thursday
Aug062009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 13 Recap

Welcome to what could possibly be the most explosive BB episode of the season so far. We have the possible eviction of either Lydia or Ronnie, and either one could be extremely entertaining. There’s also the added drama of the “mystery power”, and imagine if either of the nominees were the recipients (highly doubtful, though). We’re also bound to see footage of the various fights of the last two evenings, although producers are going to have a tough time editing hours of potential footage into one or two short segments.

So here we go with the aftermath of Michelle declining to use the POV. Michelle says she was happy to not use the veto, as taking Lydia down would not guarantee Ronnie’s departure. Jordan explains the obvious - that all they need are four votes to eliminate Ronnie, who adds that Michelle’s not using the veto shows she has “no loyalty” to anybody. He admits he doesn’t know if he has the votes to stay.

Kevin heads outside to a depressed Lydia, who tells him that he may want to “avoid me like the plague”. As always, he gives her a pep talk.

Michelle and Jordan are now sitting outside talking about books, and an annoyed Russell walks by and asks if he interrupted their conversation. He says in the diary room that he doesn’t believe they were talking about books, and then asks Jordan what they were really talking about. She jokes that she can tell he thinks she’s “scheming” about him, and Russell says in the diary room he needs to find out “what’s going down”.

We jump back to the HOH, and Russell is grilling Michelle about the conversation. Michelle tries to laugh it off, and adds that Jessie, Chima, and Natalie want him out. Uh oh. She then makes the mistake of telling him about meetings she had with that crowd, and that he shouldn’t trust Chima because he’s a liar. Russell then goes off on Chima about how jealous she always is of other girls talking to him.

Now Jessie is in the HOH with Russell, and he asks when Jessie was going to inform him of Chima’s backdoor plan. “Chima would have to have the power to do that”, Jessie explains, and when pressed he adds that he’s never heard Chima say anything like that. Russell then throws out Michelle’s name as his source.

Natalie is now with Jessie and Russell outside, and Russell complains that he doesn’t know who is lying to him. Yeah, we know where this headed now that Natalie is involved. Russell sends Natalie off to grab Chima for a conversation, which she is more than happy to do. Of course, she also fills in Chima just exactly why he wants to talk, and tells her to play nice even though “we want him out in the long run”.

Chima finally heads upstairs, and the anger is automatically transferred to Michelle. “Bring her in here”, demands Chima. She heads down to grab her, and Michelle immediately knows there’s trouble. Michelle says that the backdoor story is NOT true, which sets Russell off. “You just said she wants to win HOH so she can backdoor you!” Michelle explains that she thought the two of them were a team, and “that we’d share information with each other and not the entire house”. Chima denies saying anything, and all three just end up going back and forth (as usual).

Chima, though, is offended that Russell says he doesn’t care what she has to say, and this makes her think that HE is lying to her. He storms out of the room, calling them “debases”, and then the two of them start screaming at each other while the house looks on. They are literally in each other’s faces, and after it heads outside it carries on even louder. “Her mouth was going 90 miles a minute…that girl is sassy”, Jordan says.

After Chima heads back inside, Russell yells that she needs to “act her age”. Uh oh, here’s round two! Michelle and Natalie pull Chima back, and in the bedroom Chima says that while Russell wasn’t her target before, he is now. “It’s season of the rat, part two”, says Michelle as the segment finally ends.

When we return from commercials, it’s time for Ronnie to work the house. He says to Jessie, though, that he knows he’s going home, and that “I accept it”. Yet, in the diary room, he explains that all he needs are four vote, and he has three. He thinks that Jordan may feel sorry for him, and toss him a sympathy vote. Jessie is skeptical, but encourage him to try.

Unfortunately for Ronnie, Jeff has high hopes of playing the “romance card”. Cue the sexy, porn-ish background music. “I’ve been looking forward to kissing her, and tonight is the night”. Sure enough, we hear their lips. Jordan says he’s a good kisser - “he’s not sloppy, wet”.

Sure enough, here comes Ronnie. “I’m the houseguest who refuses to leave.” Bad timing, you silly man, as Jordan and Jeff continue to kiss. Sure enough, he talks about how humble and full of class he is, although a fart noise interrupts his speech. Sure enough, it was Ronnie who farted. He begins begging for a sympathy vote, and Jeff laughs in the diary room that he was working on Jordan while Ronnie was working on them. “I can’t say the word, but Ronnie is one of those guys who stops you from doing something with a lady, if you know what I mean.”

Silliness finished, we move on to Julie’s interview with the house. She comments on Lydia’s hideous eye makeup, but says her first question is for Jordan. Yeah, you know what’s coming here. Oh wait, she’s asking about the Chima/Russell fight! She says all she could think about was to “stay out of the way”. Oh, you really are a precious angel. “It was very entertaining.”

Julie moves on to Michelle, and asks her about the mood of the house. “I think the house is definitely divided”, she replies. You think? “It’s tense tonight.” Julie asks if it’s never not tense, and of course that’s right.

Ugh, we move on to Jessie, and his first ever week on slop. Did America’s gift of squid and squash help at all? “It helped for like the first three days, and that’s it.” Ugh. He reminds us again that he’s a body builder, so he can eat anything for more than seven days.

Russell is in the HOH when we return, and Julie begins by asking him if his emotions got the better of him. He agrees, and he goes on about how it was a moment where everybody snapped. Julie then asks about how he will deal with the backlash, and he admits it will be tricky. He then kisses her ass about how beautiful she is, and Julie says that won’t help him win the game. The final question is which of the two - Jeff or Jessie - will be the better ally. He really doesn’t answer, as expected.

Julie then moves on to the coup d’etat vote, and after 12 million votes it’s time to tell us who won. No surprise, it’s Jeff!!! Unfortunately, he can’t pronounce “coup d’etat” as he reads the instructions on the car. “This is crazy. I love it!”

It’s now time to return to the house, and Julie asks the house if the “coup-holder” wants to use it. Nobody stands up, so we move on to the final speeches. Lydia goes first, and babbles about being blessed and grateful.

Ronnie then stands up, and immediately starts crying as he thanks those who cast him because “being in this house is an absolute dream come true for me on so many levels.” He thanks Jessie for helping him lose twenty pounds in the house, and then says that when people go vote they need to decide who will help them get to the end. He ends it by saying that his wife told him he needs to see the good in everyone, and that he does see it in everybody but Michelle. “I have come to believe, and I wanted to say some very truthful things but I’m going to be nice, that you’re the worst human being I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting. And I absolutely feel sorry for you.” Ugh! Double ugh!!!

Julie cracks that she doesn’t think he’ll be getting a vote from Michelle, and the voting indeed begins with Kevin. He votes to evict Ronnie, but Natalie votes to evict Lydia in hopes of a “miracle”. Chima is up next, and votes to evict Lydia. It’s 2 - 1 in favor of Ronnie!!! Nice planning by CBS!

After another commercial break, Jessie also votes against Lydia. Michelle, though, votes to evict Ronnie, as does Jeff and Jordan. (Gotta love Jordan being the deciding vote.) When the announcement is made, Ronnie hugs everybody but Michelle, who cries out he had no “ill will” towards him. “Be quiet…and scene!” he yells as he walks out.

Everybody is pretty subdued as we wait for the interview, and Julie does indeed start by asking his rant against Michelle. “She has no absolute loyalty to anybody in that house other than her”, he explains. God, I wish I was doing this interview. “I made a miscalculation of trusting her last week...and she absolutely flipped on me the minute I was nominated.”

Julie does throw a somewhat tough question at him regarding whether the same could be said of him. Come on, you know it’s “different” when it’s for Ronnie’s benefit. “The difference between Michelle and myself is that I have ultimate loyalty to Jessie, Natalie, and Chima…Michelle would ultimately betray anybody.” He babbles on about “actions”, as he had from day one. He brags that when she refused to see the logic of keeping him, he “put the vice on” her to try to sway her vote. Ugh.

The goodbye messages start with Kevin telling him that “he got what he deserved”. Jessie tells him that he’s awesome, and Russell says that it was a “strategic move”. Chima also says he’s awesome, and vows to get Russell for him. Michelle immediately says how much she hates him. “You lied to me; you manipulated me; backstabbed me over and over. Get the heck out the door, you dork.” Good riddance.

It’s now time for the HOH competition, and as expected it’s a questions comp. We see footage from last night of viewer messages to the house, and everybody’s reactions to the silliness. Sure enough, the competition (“Say What?”) are true/false questions about these messages. I’m not going to replay each question, but on the first question Lydia and Michelle are eliminated. Everybody answers the next question correctly, but on the following round Jessie is eliminated. Jordan and Jeff are the next to go out, leaving Natalie, Chima, and Kevin. Looks like Jeff will have to use his mystery power. Chima is the only one with the correct answer on the next question, and wins HOH! Will she do as she promised to Ronnie?

We return one last time to the house, as Chima squeals her happiness, and thanks Ronnie for the study group they had about the messages. As always, she laughs at her own joke when she replies “lotion” to Julie’s question about what she’s looking forward to receiving as HOH. This is going to be an interesting week. The final question is whether she looks forward to the power or luxuries more. No surprise, it’s the power and safety.

Wait, we’re not done. We get a viewer question for Lydia about what kind of tattoo she’d get to depict her time on Big Brother. “It would be a gigantic key with ‘11’ inscrolled on the top of it, maybe with Kevin‘s name on it since he‘s my sugar bear.” Kevin is then asked who he thinks needs a makeover the most, and he answers with Natalie. (Duh!)

Filler time is now completed, and the show is over. See you on Sunday!

Wednesday
Aug052009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 12 Recap

Here we go with another Tuesday episode of Big Brother. Tuesday’s are always very predictable, as we know we’re going to see reactions to the nominations, the veto competition, and the veto ceremony. Oh yeah, and lots and lots of filler. I expect one segment to concern the “mystery power”, and everybody’s theories as to what it means and who has or will win (voting actually ends tonight).

It’s really too bad that the TV deadline for this episode can’t be pushed back a few hours, as once again there was plenty of excitement in the hours after the veto ceremony. Just like the Ronnie fiasco a couple of weeks ago, all of this action will have to be squeezed into one short segment that will open Thursday’s eviction show.

So here we go with the reactions to Russell nominating Ronnie and Lydia. Russell says he put Ronnie up because he “wanted to see where everybody’s loyalties lie, and who they’re going to side with”. Ronnie knows that Russell wants him evicted, but “I do have allies. I’ve risen from a worse scenario than this before, so who knows what the future holds.”

Jeff is happy that Russell held up his end of the bargain, and says that he and Jordan are just going to lay low this week. Lydia, though, is upset because “I used to be in an alliance with Russell. Now Russell has nominated…and I have no idea where I stand at the moment.” She’s seen in her bedroom acting sad, and Kevin comes in to give her a pep talk. (Cue the acoustic guitar.) It doesn’t really work because “no matter who you are up against it doesn’t feel good”.

Ronnie is now seen walking up to the HOH to convince Ronnie to save him. “If I have to cry in order to get some success right now, I have no shame in doing that.” And cry is exactly what he does as he admits to the conversation with Lydia. “I have never gone against you. I have never done anything to even try and damage your game in this house…I want us to keep the team together to get Lydia and Kevin, those stupid floaters, out of this house.” Russell tells him that he made some good point, but in the diary room admits that he knows it’s all fake tears.

Chima now enters the HOH to flirt. She does her usual laughing at her own jokes, but eventually tells him that she thinks Lydia should go home. Russell says that while he does want her gone, he wants Ronnie to leave first. She asks him why she hates him so much, and he gets a bit heated as he complains about all of his lies. “This is your week, and I’ll do what you want”, she finally concedes.

Now we see Natalie whispering to Jessie about how Lydia thinks she’s safe, and how she wants to break them up. In the diary room, Jessie says that he thinks Ronnie is a “stand up guy”, and we cut to him talking about this to Jessie. For some reason, Chima exclaims that the plan she discussed with Russell is to vote Lydia out. “The hell we did!”, he responds. The two of them argue about this for a bit, as Jessie looks bored (and concerned). Natalie explains that while they want Ronnie to stay, they have to work on this “on the DL”. Um, no. Everybody knows that you want him to stay, Natalie…even Jordan.

After a commercial break, we see Michelle and Natalie chatting while playing pool. Natalie thinks that she’s the key to keeping Ronnie, and talks to her about how Lydia has “weekly alliances”. She’s not buying it, and tells her that she doesn’t trust Ronnie. “So far I’ve been laying low,” she says in the diary room, “but this week I have to calculate where my safety is.”

Jessie enters the pool table area, and Michelle asks him about the situation. Jessie confirms that she’s the deciding vote, and Michelle complains that it’s too hard to be in the middle.

We move on to the choosing of the players for the veto competition. Ronnie says his worst case scenario would be Kevin, Jordan, or Jeff, as none of them would use the veto to save him. Lydia says that she’d like to see Kevin’s name because he’s her “sugar bear”. Ugh. Russell picks Michelle’s name, which doesn’t please Natalie. Ronnie pulls out Jessie, while Lydia does indeed get Kevin. Russell picks Chima to be the host.

Immediately, we cut to the competition, and there’s a bunch of Roman statues, including a live male model who Kevin wants to “touchicus”. The players get five minutes to study everything in the backyard, and Kevin says he immediately knows that it’s a counting contest. It is funny, though, when Ronnie sticks his head into a box of rats.

After they all talk about the best case scenarios, the contest begins. They have to guess a number value for each question, and then after seeing everybody’s guess they can decide to stay or fold (there’s a variation of this game every year). The first question is how many jewels are on the emperor’s chariot, and everybody but Jessie folds. Funny thing is that Kevin was only a point off from the correct answer. Ronnie’s obviously happy with this result.

For the second round, they have to guess the number of arrows in a shield. Russell, Jessie, and Kevin stay in this round (after we hear Ronnie’s strategy of folding in every round), and the winner this time is Russell. Kevin is out because he was farthest from the correct answer - Lydia is bummed.

In the next round, they have to guess the number of grapes. Russell, Lydia, and Jessie stay, and Russell again wins a point. “Get ready to pack your bags, boy”, he snarls at Ronnie. Lydia is now eliminated, and she hopes that she can trust Russell.

Next up is the number of belt marks of the gladiator, and Michelle is the only one to stay in this round. “Let’s see how many marks were on the hot guy’s belt”, Chima says, and it turns out that Jessie would have won that round.

The rat cage is up next, and Michelle says she went with a “way lowball number to throw everybody off”. When Ronnie guesses 125 rats, Russell asks if he included himself. Zing!!! Michelle is the only one to stay in, and this time Ronnie would have won. Michelle and Russell are now tied with two votes, and she brags that she’s much smarter than Ronnie.

Now they have to guess the number of feathers on a helmet, and Michelle and Jessie are the only two to stay. Jessie says the only reason he stayed was because he was tired of Michelle getting “free points”, but Michelle is closest and wins the POV! She claims that she now has more power than the HOH, and I guess she’s right. Lydia is still worried that Ronnie will get into people’s heads, and he says that “everybody has a price” and will find out what Michelle’s price is to use the veto on him. Good luck with that.

Sure enough, after a commercial break Ronnie begins working on a clearly disinterested Michelle. “I’m not above begging”, he says. “I don’t know what I can do, but I swear I’ve been nothing but honest with you”. Oh Lord.

Later that night, Michelle comes out and asks Russell to go inside to talk. Chima shakes her head as they walk away, and Natalie says that she thinks Michelle is “shady”. Inside the HOH, Russell talks about how he doesn’t have “anyone as a team, and I think you’re in the same boat”. She says she wants to be on his team. “If you’re down, I don’t think anybody would know.” Meanwhile, Jessie and Natalie make their way to the HOH, and invites them to play chess. Russell complains that the two of them are always keeping tabs on him. “(Natalie) can’t win anything. She’s skated around on the back of me and Jessie”. While this is going on, Natalie is trying to get Jessie to go back into the HOH, and Jessie says he’s worried that they may use the veto to put him up.

Now Natalie is outside with Ronnie, telling him that Michelle won’t be using the veto on him. “Your only hope is to possibly convince her.” He says he has tried “compassionately and very politely”, but now is the time for him to be more forceful. Ronnie says that Kevin and Lydia have no allegience to anybody, and that if he leaves the house Jessie and Natalie blame her for his eviction. “You will be evicted if I leave that door, and you will not make it to the final two.”

After commercials, Ronnie, Chima, Natalie and Kevin are laughing in the kitchen as Russell walks in. “Schemers”, says Russell, and Chima’s smile immediately disappears. They sarcastically banter back and forth for a bit, and Chima says that Lydia is his “girlfriend…actually, no, it’s Michelle that’s your girlfriend”. Kevin says he had a good conversation with Michelle the previous night, and Chima adds “so did Russell”. It’s a bit uncomfortable for the others, and Russell says in the diary room that she’s “become the possessive girlfriend that I’ve always dreaded”.

Russell heads outside, and immediately tells Jeff the entire conversation, including a line about how Chima should become a comedian. “I should have put her ass up instead of (Ronnie).”

Natalie is then seen heading upstairs to talk to Jessie in the HOH, and is followed by Chima. Jessie then relays the story as he heard it, and Chima says Russell just doesn’t like hearing the truth. Now, we jump to Chima talking to Ronnie, and he explains that it would not be surprising if the veto is used on Lydia to get Jessie or Natalie on the block. “She’s book smart, but she has no common sense”, he complains. Russell again overheard Ronnie talk about him - this time it’s that he’s “not as smart as he thinks he is”. This time, Russell walks in to let them know he heard everything. Oh Ronnie, your big mouth is really the end of you.

Natalie comes in to inform them what they already know, but Chima plays innocent and claims that Russell is just paranoid. Jessie also comes in and apologizes for Ronnie for failing at saving him, but Chima is throwing a big target on herself by carrying on. She continues to babble, though, as Russell heads upstairs, and he says in the diary room there’s no reason for him to keep her. (Nice edit to give us some doubt as to what will happen in the final segment.)

It’s finally time for the veto ceremony, and as usual we all hear the usual blabber on what Michelle should do. Michelle finally calls everybody in, and Ronnie is given the first opportunity to “lie…I mean speak”. Good one, Michelle. His speech is very underwhelming, as is Lydia’s. Of course, Michelle doesn’t use the veto, although she words it in a way to make it sound like she is going to use it.

Michelle babbles that she hopes she’s now on the winning team, and Russell says he considers he a “new ally”. Lydia doesn’t feel confident, and hopes that Ronnie doesn’t have the “mystery power”. Ronnie claims that he’s meaner when times get tough, and that he has some moves that nobody has seen yet. Yeah, right.

See you Thursday!!!

Sunday
Aug022009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 11 Recap

Here we go with another Sunday night episode of Big Brother. Truthfully, don’t expect much tonight, especially if you’ve been watching the feeds. Most of the episode will revolve around Thursday’s endurance competition, and then we’ll see the usual unveiling of the HOH room, a bit of scheming, and the nominations. It’s doubtful they’ll have time for much beyond that.

Well, there are a couple of other issues to deal with - namely Casey’s explosive exit and the announcement that the cliques are (thankfully) over. Oh yeah, and the “mystery power”.

Surprisingly, we start with the HOH competition, and Chima’s complaints that the “never knew the diploma would hurt so much. Can I just get my GED?” Russell says that he needs to win this competition.

We jump from Russell’s quote to the announcement that the cliques are ka-pewie. Jeff says that he never felt like he was part of the clique anyway, so now it’s time “for me to take my shot at them”. Natalie wasn’t happy, though, because she was “looking really pretty” by the existence of these cliques.

Chima, though, couldn’t be happier. “I’m very pleased to say see you later, dorks.” That may be the funniest thing she’s said all season.

Back to the HOH comp, and the entrance of rain on their swinging contraptions. Jordan complains about being cold, but you can hear Ronnie yell about how he’s used to it since he had cold showers all week. That little pit bull Natalie, though, isn’t having such an easy time. “The longer it was spinning the dizzier I got…it was an amusement park ride from hell.”

Jeff continues to babble clichés about do or die, but throws in a line about Casey. Yes, we now go back to Casey’s argument with Natalie and Jessie as he left. Jeff says it was “bittersweet” to see him leave, and we hear Casey’s awesome line about making Jessie a sandwich. Natalie complains that he didn‘t “leave with any dignity or class“, while Russell raises questions about who was the one vote for Casey (which was him).

Back again to the HOH competition, and Jessie complaining about how he didn‘t get to compete. He goes over those who he knows will work for him, but adds that Russell is a “loose cannon“. Kevin is the first to fall at the 21st minute mark. He says that he doesn‘t care who is “ashamed“ of him; it just feels good to be off the swings.

Shortly after that, for reasons only she knows, Lydia asked Kevin if he would hater her if he dropped. Which she then does at the 25 minute mark. Jessie‘s clearly not happy, but has Kevin pick his “graduation present“. His prize? $5,000! He’s happy, but hopes he’s not targeted because of it. Lydia then chooses her gift, and receives a 42” flat-screen TV. Jessie is still not impressed. “You didn’t try at all! I’m not going to look past that at all.” Russell adds that he doesn’t care about the prizes; he just wants to win.

The speed of the wheel increases, and Ronnie complains about hearing people puking. He then drops at the 46-minute mark. Natalie continues to strugggle, and she then drops at the 49-minute mark. “I got to the point where I thought I was going to faint and pass out.” Jessie is really depressed now. “All of my eggs are now in the Chima basked.”

Ronnie then chooses his prize, which is nothing!!! (Yes!!!) Natalie’s prize is also nothing!!! (Double yes!)

The water returns, and Jeff talks about how he knows it will be a long night, but either himself or Jordan MUST win. Jordan’s having problems, though, and she tells us how her upper thighs are getting “numb” (just like your brains, my sweetie?). Jordan does fall at the 1 hour, 37-minute mark. “When I fell, I was pissed…I felt like I let (Jeff) down.” Jordan gets the last prize, and it’s the ability to pick the “have nots” for the week.

So we’re down to Michelle, Chima, Jeff, and Russell. Michelle says she feels as if she doesn’t have any friends in the house, so she has to win “for my safety”. Chima is flying all over the place, and was even upside down at one point, which impresses everybody. She says she’s holding on not only for herself, but also the fate of Jessie and Natalie.

Chima continues to get battered around, though, and finally at the 2:22 mark she’s down. Jessie says her falling made him feel “like I pulled my parachute and nothing came out. The end very well may be near.” Meanwhile, again Michelle says she’s going to hang on for everything she can to control her own fate, while both Russell and Jeff say they just can’t give up.

After commercials, we see the contraption at a standstill, and Jessie’s giving Russell advice to tell Jeff that if he wins he’ll put up Ronnie. He proceeds to ask that very question, but says if Michelle drops they’ll talk. Jessie says that he just wanted Russell to know that he’s on his side. “Whatever the deal is, just make sure that Jeff is the one that falls”, he says in the diary room.

So the wheel begins spinning again, and Michelle tells us the battering ram (diploma) is hitting harder. Yes, she then falls at the 2:41 mark, almost showing the world her brainiac lower body. Russell also complains about how hard the diploma is hitting them, and how the rope is tearing up their hands. Jordan gives Jeff some encouraging words to “play it out”, but the two of them talk about how they both want Ronnie out.

In the diary room, Russell talks about how he firsthand heard Ronnie talk about him…and we see a flashback on when Russell eavesdropped on a conversation between Ronnie, Lydia, and Kevin. “I know everything that comes out (Ronnie’s) mouth is a lie”, says Russell.

Russell and Jeff continue to negotiate, and Russell says that he has his word. Jeff says that all he’s really worried about is that himself and Jordan are both safe. Jeff is a bit hesitant, and Russell has everybody go inside while they continue to talk. “It’s strictly between you and me…all I want is a letter from Pop.”

Russell swears on his father, and Jeff finally decides to drop at the 3:38 mark. “I have a newfound respect for Jeff”, Russell says. “Anyone who can compete on my level I’ll tip my hat to.” Ronnie is the first to shake Jeff’s hand, which is quite comical in its own way, while Jessie slips the HOH key around Russell’s neck. Russell is happy that he can “finally do whatever the hell he wants.”

Immediately after the HOH comp is over, Jordan has to decide who will be a “have not”. She say she doesn’t want a target on her, so she put everybody’s names in a hat to draw. The first person drawn is Natalie, who says she’s not too upset because she has a slop pass. The second person drawn is Kevin, and then Jessie, who is obviously pissed. “Good job. You know there’s no way I’d lose a food competition.” He complains enough about it that Lydia calls him a big baby. It’s interesting that they don’t show Lydia offering to take it for him.)

Jessie and Natalie are now camping out on a couch, talking strategy. He tells her that the deal is that Ronnie’s supposed to go home, but that “he doesn’t control everybody’s votes”. Natalie asks if he even wants that to happen, but Jessie says he doesn’t know.

Jordan is now asking Jeff about their deal, and he informs her that she won’t be going up. Meanwhile, Russell enters the room just as Natalie is complaining about the prizes they won. Jessie promises in the diary room that they won’t be around much longer if “I have anything to say about it”. Russell is smiling as he talks in the diary room about how those two are pushing him to put up Lydia and Kevin. “I’ll listen to what they have to say. I’m not going to do whatever they want.”

Ronnie is now in the room with Jessie and Natalie, asking about the deal that was made between Jeff and Russell. He wants them to inform him if they find out part of the deal is to put him up, and Natalie quickly adds that they do indeed want him to stay. Ronnie says that he has hope that America will see that he’d use the “power in a wise fashion”. Yeah, sure they would think that. Vote Jeff!!! We then see a flashback to Julie’s announcement of the “mystery power”, and Ronnie says he’d “lovvvvvvvvvvve to wield the power like a JedI knight”. Ugh, make it stop!

And now we finally get the introduction of the HOH room segment. Yep, it’s like it always is - everybody gawks at the photos, and listen to Russell read his letter. They’re all touched. Russell says it was inspiring to him, and he hopes he’s making his father proud.

Now Jeff is up in the HOH with Russell, and they slap each other on the back about their comp performance. Russell says that he’s going to stand up to his word, and Jeff says the letter from home shows that Russell is a standup guy. Russell adds that he’d like to partner up with him, and they’d be unstoppable. Jeff says he was thinking the same thing, but they’d have to keep it quiet.

When we return from commercials, everybody is stuck inside and come in to see the mystery food that the “have nots” will be eating all week - squash and squid. Ronnie says he’s going to vomit from the smell, and nobody is happy with this “buffet”. Natalie makes sure everybody remembers that she has a slop pass. Jessie is still not happy being a “have not”.

Lydia now comes up to chat with Russell in the HOH, and she immediately asks if it is ok to jump in his bed. Typical Lydia! “I’m going to do whatever it takes so he shouldn’t have a reason to put me up for nominations this week”, she says in the diary room. She babbles about how he’s turned into a “nicer, sweeter, adorable person” since winning HOH. He doesn’t seem to buy it at all, but perks up a bit when she informs them that Jessie and Natalie had said they’d put up Russell if he could. “They say that you constantly lie to them.” (Funny they don’t see her offer to perform special favors for him.)

Now it’s Jessie’s turn to visit…and seconds later Natalie and Chima join in. He immediately tells them that Lydia sold them out. “That’s what that bitch said?” responds Chima. Jessie warns him to not let her drive a wedge between them, and Chima says it pisses her off how people lie once you begin HOH. “She’s such a bi-polar drama queen.”

Oh great, now it’s Ronnie’s turn to grovel. He tells Russell that he hopes that he’s not part of the deal with Jeff because when he was HOH they were “chirping in my ear” to put up Russell. “I really put myself out there…I never wavered from that for a second.” Oh, really? Ugh. Russell asked who Ronnie would put up, and he says Lydia and Kevin. They both agree that those just floating in the game don’t deserve to be there, but Ronnie flat out asks if he’s in any dangerous. “Oh no.” Ronnie still thinks he’s a good manipulator, so he thinks he has some hope.

It’s finally nomination time, and you again know the drill. Russell looks at the wall of pictures, and everybody comments on whether they should be put up as he inserts the keys. The crew is gathered, and the first key pulled belongs to Jeff, followed by Jessie, Jordan, Chima, Michelle, Natalie, and Kevin. Ronnie and Lydia are nominated! Russell tells Ronnie that he was put up because he “slapped me in the face when you went behind my back and talked with Lydia and Kevin in that room. I was actually the one that was behind that door listening, and I heard verbatim what you said. You’ve lied to every single person in this game, and you’re a snake. Well, if you’re going to catch a snake, you gotta be a mongoose.” Finally, a memorable nomination speech!!!

Jeff is happy with the nominations, but Lydia is not happy. “I’m going to fight like H-E-double hockey sticks. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure I stay in this house.” Russell adds that he hopes Ronnie doesn’t get this mystery power and “turn us all into frogs…I can only hope that he goes home”. Ronnie babbles nonsense about how he’s the “king snake”, and many times the king snake “kills the mongoose”. Um, yeah.

And that concludes tonight’s recap. See you Tuesday!

Thursday
Jul302009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 10 Recap


Welcome to a night that CBS has promised will include a “game changing” announcement. Most people are assuming this means that we’ll see the dissolution of the cliques, but for once I’m really hoping the producers truly make an unprecedented move that we’ll all be talking about for day. Yeah, I know - wishful thinking.

Of course, we’re also going to see a live eviction, and a HOH competition that everybody predicts will involve endurance. The HG’s have been on lockdown since early last night, and it’s usually been at this point in the season where they do have such a competition. Again, I’d like to see a little innovation.

Julie opens the show by announcing tonight is “graduation”, and the cliques are over. They’ve all sort of figured that out anyway, so it won’t be as big of a shock to them as CBS hopes. Wait, the power lies in our hands? Uh oh, this should be interesting.

Here we go with the footage from the rest of this week, and we start with the reaction to the nomination of Casey to replace Michelle. Both Casey and Jeff are pissed that Ronnie wasn’t nominated, and babble what you would expect about “Teflon Ron“ Ronnie is getting a bit too excited as he brags about how he survived another week.. Jessie says he put Casey on the block because he’s a bigger threat and is coming after him. Um, ok Oh, I must say I still love that footage of Jordan complaining about Ronnie staring at her.

After the ceremony, Casey heads outside and Jordan apologizes. “It’s all good, man - season of the dork”. Jordan then complains about the smiling looks she was getting from Ronnie. “I just wanted so bad to tell him off”, she says in the diary room. “The only reason you are still here is because you are Jessie’s bitch”. God, I love this girl.

Casey adds that Ronnie got him by using the “Ronnie jedi mind trick”. “They got rid of Laura because she wasn’t a sheep. Same for me…people have short memories in here.” Jeff then comes out, and says “they’re all off in a corner somewhere” when Casey asks if they’re celebrating. They then bitch about the “zinger”, which really wasn’t nothing more than a silly one-liner - “move your feet, you gotta new seat”. Really, it was Jessie attempting to be clever…and I mean attempting. Jeff goes on, though, about hiding behind your sunglasses.

Time for something to disgust everybody. We see Lydia wandering up to the HOH in the middle of the night, and crawling into bed with him. “I like to watch Jessie sleep”, she says in the diary room. “Sometimes he moves, and he smiles…or his face has different expressions on them. Maybe Jessie’s dreaming about baby unicorns (yeah, right). Maybe he’s dreaming about, I don’t know, riding his motorcycle. But it would be nice if he was thinking about me.” Please gag me now. “Because he’s asleep, I could snoop. I could play practical jokes on him.” (Or you could use your mouth or hands on him, as you have done countless times.) “I really hope Jessie never makes me mad, because I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. Maybe while he‘s sleeping I could get revenge.” A nice edit then shows her leaving without having any inter…uh, action with him.

Thankfully, we move back on to gameplay. Jordan is looking fine as usual while sunbathing, and she says in the diary room that she’s not going to do any campaigning because Casey’s honesty will “get himself in a little bit of trouble…I’m the greatest pawn ever.”

Yet Casey does attempt to gain some momentum. Kevin is outside with him, and he talks about how it must suck to do whatever Jessie wants him to do. Kevin doesn’t really respond, “I’m just amazed that there’s no outrage over Jessie having some sort of deal.” Kevin perks up a bit, and asks if he has the votes, adding that Chima is his “weakest link in the chain”. Casey doesn’t agree. “Lydia is in love with Jessie. He could be laying in bed with another bitch, and she’ll make him breakfast”. Kevin claims that she would indeed vote for him ‘if you have the numbers”. Casey adds that if he stayed, he could go after them without Kevin getting any of the heat. We all know that Kevin loves anybody but himself to do the dirty work.

Casey now begins working on Russell, who asks if he’s talked to “your boy” since being put up. Casey informs him that he’s number four on that team. “I’m number two.” Casey puts up a convincing argument that Jessie would never put up Natalie before him, and probably also Ronnie. “You don’t need those dudes. I think you, me and Jeff could do some damage.” Russell says that Casey is giving him some good points, and that “it’s a huge gamble that could pay off”. Yeah, sure.

Wow, that’s all of the previous day’s footage we’ll see tonight? Interesting. We come back from commercials to Julie talking about Jeff and Jordan’s “relationship”. What about Lydia and Jessie? Or Natalie and Jessie?

You know what’s seen here - lots of footage of Jordan and Jeff looking adorable. We then head to Jordan’s hick town to watch her family view “footage” of her on the show. There’s no real need to go through what’s said here, but Jordan’s mom does seem to like Jeff.

Then we move on to Jeff’s hometown, and they all laugh at the “technotronics” line. Dad says he’s acting just like he does at home, and his mom laughs at how he’s never been good at spelling. After some more adorable footage, both families say they like the two of them together. Both mothers are a bit over the top, hoping that they do “make babies”.

After this package is over, we move on to Julie’s interview with the house. Of course, she immediately goes to the “200 pound banana in the room”. Casey jokes that the banana suit “makes it easy to choose what to wear, and it shows off my tan”. She moves on to Ronnie, and how last week it looked like the house was against him. She wants to know if he’s surprised he wasn’t nominated, and he babbles the standard line about “actions showing people‘s true colors”. Julie presses for some names, and he just goes on about how “they know who they are”. God, please make it stop.

Julie moves on to Lydia, and her tensions with Natalie. As the camera moves to a bug-eyed Jessie, she asks if their fight was really over beds. Lydia plays dumb, which she’s great at doing. “It was about beds. It wasn’t about anything else.” Oh please. Julie doesn’t buy it, and moves to Natalie. “There was more brewing”, she adds, but refuses to bite when Julie keeps going. “I plead the fifth”, Lydia finally says. We end the segment with footage of Michelle falling into the mud pit…with little comment but a thank you from Michelle.

Oh great, here’s Jessie in the HOH room. Her first question is about Lydia and Natalie, and Jessie claims that they’re relationships are all “platonic”. Oh God. He then denies they’re fighting over him. She keeps going, asking if these relationships are real. Jesus, Julie, stop it. And one more question - are they playing him? Julie, please. Some of us have yet to eat tonight. He does admit it’s a possibility. “Everybody’s in here for a reason - to win a half million dollars”.

It just won’t stop. Julie’s final question is which of these women he’d like to be stranded on a desert island. “I’m going to have to plead the fifth.” My god, even Julie says his answer is lame, but again carries on.

Thankfully, this segment is finally over, and it’s time for the final statements. Jordan goes first, and is just adorable as she says she doesn’t have anything to say except she hates going against one of her best friends in the house.

Casey then stands up and apologizes to letting people down. “The reason I’m in this position is because two house guests stabbed me in the back - Ronnie, the manipulative dorkapotamus with the God complex, (and) Jessie, the self-absorbed smedium-wearing egomaniac with the personality and IQ, oddly enough, of a banana. Both of these guys stabbed me in the back, and they’ll do the same to the rest of y’all. It’s funny that you (Ronnie) talk about actions..after what you did to me.” Go Casey!!!

So the voting begins, and it’s as expected. Jeff goes in first and votes to evict Casey, as does Ronnie (ugh) and Natalie. After commercials, we see Chima vote to evict Casey, but Russell votes to evict Jordan!!! Michelle, though, votes to evict Casey, as does a mustachioed Lydia (ugh) and Kevin.

When the house receives the news, Casey tells everybody to “knock them dead” as he hugs everybody. “Your word is mud”, he says as he walks out, and Natalie gives him some lip back. This goes back and forth a bit, and he asks her if she’s “his pitbull. Go make him a sandwich.” Oh man, I love this!!!

After he walks out, Lydia hugs Natalie as she babbles more about Casey not living up to his word. She’s also pissed about the stray vote. Um, Natalie, you did the same last week. There’s lots of bleeping going on during these couple of minutes.

Julie starts the interview by saying he went out “guns blazing”. “I had to”, he responds. “You can only take so much. People are on you, and it’s hard to take some of that stuff for weeks at a time.” Julie points out that Jessie was turning red, and he says that he should. “He doesn’t impress me in very many ways. He didn’t win the first HOH, and the one he won I think was luck.”

Julie then asks about his gameplay, and how he got played by Ronnie in the first week and that this week everybody would be “down with the plan”. He admits he made a mistake in “being too trusting”. When Julie points out signs that Ronnie was becoming pals with everybody again, Casey says his big mistake was in trusting Jessie.

We end, as usual, with the goodbye messages. Russell claims that he tried to come up with the votes, while Ronnie is gloating (as usual). Ugh. Jordan tells him how awesome he is, and then Natalie babbles how she really is 24, not 18, and with a college degree…and that’s why he’s sitting out there while she’s still in the house. Um, no. This goes on like it normally does, and gets less interesting as the segment drags on. Julie thanks him for his honesty, and after informing Casey that the cliques are done we’re done with Casey. “And that’s not all.”

Julie informs the house guests that they need to gather in the living room, and Natalie babbles “no more cliques”. See, I told you it was no surprise. Julie goes through with the dramatic speech anyway, and continues on about how one of them will soon be granted a “mystery power” which can be used in the next two weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this could change the course of the game, and only the person who has it will know they have it. Please don’t let it be Ronnie!

She can’t tell the house guests who will have that power, as it will be a vote by America. Winning HOH and veto is supposedly more important this week than ever, as it’s the only way to guarantee safety. She then tells a stunned group to head outside.

Julie then explains to us that the mystery power is the “coup d-etat”, and the winner of that power will have the ability over the next two live evictions to overthrow the HOH by replacing one or both of the nominees. This could be interesting!!! I may even vote…for silly little Jordan!!!

And here we go with the new HOH, and sure enough it’s an endurance competition. It’s the hanging on a swing comp that we’ve seen in previous seasons. There are also six envelopes to entice people to drop out early; with one containing $5000.

A giant diploma is entered, though, that they crash into as they’re swinging around. Yeah, this won’t take long.

We get one final look at the house, and Chima says she’s dizzy. Sure enough, they introduce “rain”, which I’m sure pisses off Natalie since she didn’t get to use her trash bag costume. And that concludes this week’s live eviction episode!!!

Tuesday
Jul282009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 9 Recap

“ello kiddies
Whatcha gonna do when your heads exploding
So you missed some school
You know that schools for fools
Today money rules
And everybody steals it “ - Cheap Trick, “Ello Kiddies”

I have no idea why that song popped into my head, but I guess it’s somewhat fitting for tonight’s episode. Or maybe not.

Tonight’s broadcast should be more action-packed than the usual Tuesday evening telecast. Besides the reaction to Jessie’s nominations, we’ll be seeing the POV competition, some scheming, a sudden realization by one player, and the veto ceremony. Oh yeah, and a contestant in a funny costume. If there’s time, there may even be some more footage of the Lydia/Jessie/Natalie triangle…but I have a feeling that this may be saved for Thursday as the real action has been heating up all day today.

So here we go, and there’s no surprises in the reaction to the nominations of Jordan and Michelle, who talks about how they’re supposed to be “pawns to backdoor Ronnie”. Note to any future BB contestants - it’s impossible to have double pawns! Natalie hugs Jordan, and whispers to her that she’ll “be fine”. Jordan repeats what Michelle says, but adds that she doesn’t trust Jessie.

Jessie says he didn’t put up Ronnie because “he really hasn’t hosed me yet”, and that by being both a target and an ally he’s an “asset” for him.

Jeff comes into the bedroom to console Jordan, and she tells him that Natalie says she’s safe. They both still think that whomever wins veto will pull somebody down, and Ronnie will be gone. Jordan’s not so sure this will happen. Michelle then comes in just as they’re both walking out, but Jeff sticks around to also boost her confidence that Ronnie will be the one leaving.

Michelle adds that she doesn’t really believe anybody will stick their necks out for her, and we then see her talking to Ronnie. He’s still playing the sad puppy dog game, and tells her that it should have been him that was nominated. He claims that if he played and won, he’d use it on her. She’s way too smart to believe that, and says she won’t be picking him. “No offense.” She then walks out and tells the house about this conversation, and everybody has a good laugh. Well, everybody but Russell.

Now we see Ronnie walking into the HOH, and he immediately asks Jessie (and Natalie) if he’s still safe. Jessie lets out a loud sigh, and then asks where his loyalties lie. Guess who he points at? “Ronnie inside this house is like a convicted felon”, says Jessie, “but I hope he still has his best interests in mind.” He tells Ronnie that Casey, Jordan, and Jeff are the ones who want him out. Natalie adds that “you never directly screwed us”. Ronnie leaves with a horrific rendering of the “you’re my brother from another mother” cliché to both Jessie and Natalie.

Chima is now up in the HOH, and Jessie’s asking her how Ronnie’s banishment would benefit her. “I’m not going to make an alliance convenient for that week”, says Jessie, and then tells her that he wants to actually backdoor Casey. Chima agrees that this would actually be better for her than somebody on her team.

This scenario is now repeated with Kevin and Lydia, and as you may imagine they also agree. Wow, Jessie is good this season…so far.

After a commercial break, we get some filler from this past weekend when the house played Truth or Dare. Kevin is dared to go snuggle next to a sleeping Jessie, and hilarity ensues when he wakes up. Ronnie is then dared to go hug Casey. More hilarity ensues, but Casey’s pissed that everybody is now having fun with Ronnie. “Maybe he’s making his way back into people’s hearts.”

A bit later, Kevin asks a scowling Casey why he seems upset, and Casey responds that he didn’t like “being the butt of the joke”. Russell says “everybody was the butt”, but Casey says to never send “a rat to hug him again”. This is a big mistake, as the mood of the entire room darkens.

Jessie now gathers everybody to pick players for the veto competition. The worst case scenario for Jessie is that Casey wins, but Casey still believes that eliminating Ronnie is the plan. Jessie pulls out Jeff’s name, Michelle nabs Casey (which obviously upsets Jessie), and Jordan gets Chima. The host is obviously Natalie, which doesn’t sit well with Lydia.

Casey and Jordan both talk about how it “worked out perfectly”, and Casey adds that it doesn’t “matter who wins now. You can have it.” Oh boy. Meanwhile, Jessie and Natalie are clearly worried upstairs. Natalie says the “best case scenario would be you”. “Then his fate would be sealed”, responds Jessie as the ominous music builds to a crescendo.

After commercials, the veto comp begins. Everybody has to wear pink pig suits, and Jordan complains it “smells like poo” as they walk out to the backyard mud pit. “I like to get dirty”, she adds. I do love this silly girl!

Inside the pit are a bunch of truffles, which has cards with point values inside. They have to keep what they believe are the four highest truffles, and the winner is obviously the one with the highest total score. But…there are also prizes hidden in the pit, but if you choose a prize you receive one less card that goes towards your total.

After they all talk about how they want to win the veto (except a confident Casey), they swing into the pit. Yeah, the mud is “nasty”, but it’s a “do or die situation”. Michelle said this, but I bet any of them probably said this in the diary room. Jordan thinks there may be poo in the pit, but she doesn’t care, while Chima says that she doesn’t get dirty. “I didn’t even play in the dirt when I was two. This is not fun for me.”

Casey makes a serious mistake, when he decides to keep a margarita party instead of a points card to go with the “ten” we can see on his board. “I like throwing parties, and making the other house guests feel good can do nothing but bring positive vibes my way.” Uh oh. Silly Jordan tries to explain the strategy of what numbers to keep, and even she’s surprised that she sort of makes sense.

The game finally ends, and Natalie adds another “temptation”. Choosing one of six envelopes can either add or subtract points, or may be an additional prize. Michelle goes first, and chooses an envelope because she fears she had the lowest numbers. Casey also nabs an envelope, while Chima declines. Jeff also chooses an envelope, but Jordan declines because it “might be bad luck”. Jessie also chooses one, and Natalie claims that the one he chooses would have been the same one she’d pick. Um, sure it was.

Jessie has a prize of $2500, and his other cards add up to 26. The envelope added five points to make it 31. Jordan’s score is then revealed, and her total score is 24. Jeff’s points adds up to 27 points, but his envelope contains a -5 card, which puts him at 22. Chima’s cards add up to 25 points. Jessie’s still in the lead.

Casey reveals his cards next, and the house is excited about his margarita party. Jessie has a nice laugh over it, however. Casey’s cards add up to 22 points, and we see that the top of his card has the letters B and A. He thinks it’s a trip to the Bahamas, but instead he “won” a banana suit that he has to wear for a week!

Finally, we get to Michelle, the last player. Her total points add up to 28 points, so she needs four points in her envelope. Inside was a card for seven points, so she wins with 35 points! She’s pleased that finally she showed the house she can compete. Unfortunately, she falls into the pit when she attempts to swing across it to get her veto. Now that’s funny.

After another break, we see Casey being called into the diary room to get his banana suit. He talks about how he didn’t need to win, but wanted to win some prizes. He’s not happy at all with his “prize”, especially when everybody else laughs.

We now see Michelle entering the HOH to talk to Jessie, and he immediately asks who he wants her to see be put up. She doesn’t really want to say, and Jessie tries to say that the house doesn’t necessarily want to see Ronnie be put up. He tells her that if they were to join forces, nobody would suspect a thing, and that they could still wander around like they don’t like each other. Michelle quickly figures out that he’s now targeting Casey, but claims that eventually she’ll be trying to get Jessie out of the house. Yeah, sure.

Now Kevin and Lydia are alone in the HOH, and Kevin is pointing out how Jessie is always sleeping in the same bed as Natalie. Good observation, genius. Of course, this sets off Lydia, who complains how it’s always about how she has to approach him. Kevin advises her to tell him to cut ties with Natalie, and that the athletes are always asking them to do their dirty work. “Why don’t we keep Casey”, he asks. “If he stays, he’s going to gun after the athletes.” He actually makes sense, but of course he’ll never do anything to actually follow through with that plan.

Michelle is now in the bathroom with Lydia, and she asks who she thinks Jessie will put up. Lydia tells her that she thinks it’s going to be Casey. “I just have a bad feeling that Ronnie is talking to him.” Michelle points out that it’s a numbers game, and Lydia adds that she hates people that believe they’re always safe. Quick cam shot to Natalie, in case you missed who she was talking about. Jordan walks in, and Lydia informs her that it might be Casey.

Jordan walks away to tell Jeff, who is not happy. “If he keeps Ronnie, he’s a fucking idiot.” We jump ahead to later in the evening, and Jeff informs Casey of these rumors. Casey asks what he did to deserve that, and jumps up to go talk to Jessie.

Inside the HOH, Jessie is confronted, and all he has to say is “the right guy is going out the door”. Casey asks if that’s him, and Jessie’s response again is the “right guy”. Casey tells him that he’s never said anything about going after him. “There’s ten people in this house, and you’re number ten on my list.” Jessie says in the diary room that Casey gave him “some food for talk”, and that he has to make the right decision at the right time. Yeah, way to add some phony drama.

Finally, it’s time for the anti-climatic veto ceremony. You know the drill - Michelle looks at the wall of pictures, while everybody else talks about who should be put up. Michelle talks about how she’s enjoyed her time, and her win proves she can compete. She obviously uses the veto on herself. Jessie then gets up to choose a replacement nominee, and babbles about “enjoying the fruits” of his victory. He then tells Casey that he’s the replacement. Jordan catches Ronnie staring at her, and asks why he’s looking at her like that. He denies it.

As the concluding music fires up, Jessie explains that Casey is one of those who “hates those are on top”. Ronnie then brags about how “the force must have been with me…this is my house, and I’m not going anywhere”. Jordan says it sucks always being nominated, but she’s going to win the next HOH. Casey complains how Ronnie clearly has Jessie wrapped around his fingers and is “playing him like he’s a video game. I didn’t think that Jessie was that dumb. Apparently, he is. That said, we may see an angry, fighting banana this week.”

Oooh, a huge announcement will “turn the game around” on Thursday. Is it the end of the teams?

Sunday
Jul262009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 8 Recap

Good evening, my friends. Welcome to Week 4 of Big Brother…or should I say, Week 2 of King Jessie? When we left on Thursday, Jessie had won HOH in a (not-so) tense sudden death victory. Look for lots of self-congratulatory backslapping, scheming, and plenty of filler tonight.

After the consistently-lengthier recap (although more entertaining than usual thanks to Ronnie’s crying outro), we go back to Laura’s eviction. Jordan is happy she wasn’t evicted, but is “sad” for Laura. Others have some comments, but the remark to remember comes from Casey, who says he hopes that this will be an easy week since the house should be united against one player.

As Laura walks out, Ronnie starts pacing around the living room, and he says that although he knows he’s the target, he told his wife he’d “never give up so I owe it to her to fight with everything I have”. Russell adds that he’s pretty happy to have skated by the week, and should continue to do so since Ronnie is now the focus. “No one really cares about Russell, and that’s all I need right now”.

We move on to Jessie’s HOH victory. He does his usual act in the diary room, and proclaims that he is still going to do what is “right for me”. Casey says in the diary room that he hopes “Ronnie is still the target, but you never know in this house”. Jeff pretty much repeats what Casey said. Ronnie is seen pacing outside, and a mic picks him up saying “thank you, God”.

Kevin catches the remark, though, and although he does nothing at the time he’s on fire in the diary room. “The one person to win HOH that would possibly hear out Ronnie is Jessie. Jessie won, and now Ronnie is clicking his heels. He wants to get that one little moment with Jessie, so he can spin his little web again, and try to get out of that hole he dug for himself.”

Natalie congratulates Jessie, who sort of brushes her off because he is now the person who has to put up two people. Michelle, though, is worried because she really doesn’t know where she stands with Jessie. “I’ve laid low. I haven’t really chosen sides or alliances, and I think that may make Jessie uncomfortable.”

Once again, Ronnie talks about how the whole house is against him, and Jessie winning HOH is the “best case scenario for me to stay in this house”. Kevin walks into Casey’s bedroom, and they both hope Jessie sticks to the plan. Casey complains that the athletes have too much power in the house, and adds in the diary room that he worries how Ronnie will possibly get into Jessie’s head. “We’ll see if Jessie does the right thing.”

We move to the bathroom, and Russell asks Jessie if they’re still sticking to the plan. Jessie’s response is that he “has to do what’s best for me”. He adds in the diary room that he feels no obligation to put up Ronnie because he “never lied to me”. Russell then confides in the diary room about his secret alliance with Ronnie, and we see flashbacks of their secret meeting. He doesn’t let on to Jessie and Natalie, though, and says that he’s “trying to play every single angle in this game”.

Natalie pulls Russell into one of the bedrooms, and begins complaining how Casey has “almost” won two HOH’s. Um, yeah, but it’s your bff who has won twice. They both decide to try to get Jessie to nominate him, although Natalie seems to be a bit hurt that Jessie said “this time it’s my decision”. They decide to present it to him as that if he doesn’t go now, he’ll be gunning for them.

Ronnie is now seen reading the Bible, and Natalie scares him by walking in. She invites him to come out and hang out with the crowd, and he says he’ll “be out in a minute”. She ends the conversation by saying that “you know you’re good this week”. While he still doesn’t feel “absolutely secure”, he is clearly revitalized by this statement.

Filler time - we get to see Jessie’s second HOH room. Yeah, it’s the same as it always is. “Jessie lovvvvvvvvves himself”, Jordan says. “I guess it impresses some girls. Not me.” Casey laughs at the childhood pic, and Jessie’s “cowlick”. Lydia sees a picture of Jessie’s motorcycle, and almost creams her jeans. Jessie’s other girl, Natalie, is happy with the sweatshirt Jessie got in his HOH pack, as she’ll be wearing that all week. Lydia doesn’t look so happy when Natalie says, “thank you, Big Brother”.

Jessie, Casey, and Jordan are now sitting outside, talking about whether Jessie is going to nominate Ronnie. Natalie wanders out, and they continue to talk about Jessie doing the right thing. She plays dumb, saying she “assumes” that he’ll stick to the plan, but Casey stupidly carries on about how Jessie already has a big target on his back. Keeping Ronnie would just add to it.

As you may guess, Natalie runs right up to inform Jessie of this conversation. Outside, Casey admits she shouldn’t have said anything. “But he doesn’t say it to my face”, Jessie responds. In the diary room, Natalie brags about what an influence she has on Jessie. Yeah, but so does another female…as we’ve been promised to see later in the episode.

After commercials, we get to romance filler. Jessie and Lydia are cuddling on the hammock, and Lydia admits to a “kindergarten crush” on him. She tries to tell him stories, but he keeps interrupting with little comments on his and her appearance. In the diary room, Jessie babbles some nonsense about Lydia being a little butterfly, and that sometimes he too is a little caterpillar. It really makes no sense, like most of what he babbles in the diary room.

Meanwhile, Ronnie’s new plan is to try to make people feel a little sorry for him, and starts with Michelle. He claims the only lie he ever told her was about his vote, and she responds in the diary room that she’s not really buying it. “Ronnie’s definitely working the sad, puppy dog character this week.”

We move back to the lovebirds, and Lydia wants Jessie to kiss her on the cheek. He doesn’t quite get what she wants, and finally kisses his hand and touches her cheek. At this moment, Natalie and others join them outside. When Lydia walks in to get more water, Natalie moves in for a backrub. To say that Lydia is not happy would be an understatement. “Awesome, because I was sitting there.”

Lydia and Chima finally wander off to bed, and Natalie then says that she doesn’t think that Lydia likes her. “I think Lydia is jealous of our friendship. I don’t think she likes me, and I don’t trust her.” Jessie clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, and brags in the diary room about all the women wanting him. “It’s tough being me sometimes. In this game, it‘s not always a good thing to be ridiculously good looking.” Ugh.

Michelle says she needs to talk to Jessie, and we see her go up to the HOH to chat with him and Natalie. She claims to be a loyal vote to him, and he (rightfully) complains that she only wants to talk to him when he has power. This goes around in circles, and Michelle doesn’t really give Jessie the answers he wants.

After commercials, we hear from Jordan about how awful it was to be a “have not”. Yes, it’s the intro for the “have/have not competition. Jessie calls the house together and in the worst southern accent ever describes the rules. This time, only one contestant per clique will be participating. Jordan’s the only “popular” left, and Chima volunteers to play for her team. Jessie says that it’s Kevin’s turn to play, and he agrees.

The game is basically a bumper cart match where they have to grab cubes and toss them into the competitor’s cans. The team with the most cubes will be on slop. We can cut this segment down, and just say that the “brains” (Chima, Ronnie, Michelle) are the “have/nots” this week, and besides slop they get cabbage and cocktail weenies toe at. Yes, Chima is not happy, but she’s a lot more calm about this situation than I expected. “America, you suck.”

It’s now Jordan’s turn to visit King Jessie and Queen Natalie. Jessie asks how booting Ronnie would benefit her, and she doesn’t really give Jessie any reasons to nominate him. She still believes he’s the target, but hopes she’s not the pawn. “It’s awful being the pawn.” She runs down and tells Jeff that Jessie isn’t going to go against the house. Oh really?

After another set of commercials, we see Russell and Kevin hanging out. Why, I don’t know. They have a nice chat about relationships, but there’s really no reason for this segment. Yeah, they both admire and respect each other. That’s nice.

They guys may have harmony, but the ladies don’t. Lydia talks about how Big Brother is like a college dorm, and because of the cliques you’re constantly changing rooms and beds. Natalie, though, has not changed beds yet, and they have a bit of a tiff over this fact. Poor Lydia has never had a bed to herself, while Natalie has the entire time. The producers are right. This show is like high school.

Lydia decides to prove a point she’s just going to stay up all night. Kevin tells her it’s just going to make it “so much worse”, and that it could be a disaster. He doesn’t want to give them an excuse to put her up as a pawn.

Meanwhile, Natalie is indeed bitching about Lydia to Jessie. I have to agree with his lack of enthusiasm here. She claims that she’s not going to act civil around Lydia any more. Once again, Natalie complains about how Lydia is jealous about the two of them, and that if she‘s HOH she‘s going to put her up.. Yeah, she’s right, but wait until Natalie finds out about their late-night activities!

Jessie then runs into Lydia in the bathroom, and invites her upstairs to “talk”. She declines (for once), and walks away. They have some words about Natalie constantly being in the HOH, and Lydia says she only wants to talk to him, not her. Jessie (rightfully) complains in the diary room that both of these women are forgetting that they’re playing a game.

Well, it’s that time. We see Jessie standing in front of the wall of keys, and reading off the speech about the duties of being HOH. Casey and others comment about who should go up, and then the keys are pulled. The first key pulled belongs to Chima, and is followed by Kevin, Casey, Lydia, and…Ronnie! Jordan and Michelle are nominated!

Michelle claims that she had a clue that she would be nominated, and hopes that she’s closer to the athletes than Jordan, who hopes that both of them are pawns. Jessie says that neither of them are “killer instinct competitors. More than likely they’re not going to win the POV. Hopefully, I can win the POV. Then, fingers crossed, I can backdoor somebody I really want out of this house.”

Ronnie is obviously and clearly pleased with the events, and babbles about how he was “dead man walking” until at the last second Jessie, “the Governor, pardoned me!” (Sigh)