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Entries in Episode Recap (116)

Sunday
Aug052012

No Recap Tonight

Sorry, folks, but I'm not going to do a recap tonight. This will be pretty straightforward episode, and everything that happened has already been covered her (plus on last night's BBGossip show). 

If you still want to know what happened, here's my prediction on tonight's show structure:

8:00 - 8:03 pm EST. Announcer tells the entire story of the season, just in case you forgot.

8:03 - 8:10 pm EST. We see everybody on the endurance contraption, but it quickly shifts to the moment Julie announced that "America" (cough cough) had voted to allow them to enter the game. There will be flashbacks of them hitting (or not, in Boogie's case) the red button, accompanied by diary room cheers and jeers.

8:10 - 8:30 pm EST. The actual endurance comp. Again, pretty straightforward, with the exception of typical diary room comments (Joe and Dan screaming, Frank and Shane angry at themselves for dropping). Boogie discovering the plot to evict Frank will also be included, using footage involving conversations with Dan, Joe, and finally Boogie spilling it all to Frank. The culmination will be the negoitations between Ian, Britney, and Danielle, and finally, the "From Here To Eternity" kiss between Danielle and Shane (with Dan's suggestion that Shane do this edited out).

8:30 - 8:50 pm EST. Danielle's HOH room reveal (gag me) and her desire to nominate Janelle start the segment, before moving on to show the coaches working on Danielle. Interspersed in this footage will also be Boogie's growing anger over the Frank situation. The final commercial break will occur after we see Dan "coaching" Danielle on who should be nominated.

8:50 - 9:00 pm EST. Danielle reads the HOH nom script (not very well), with the proper dialogue from anybody who the editors have deemed the viewers may believe will be nominated. The show will then end with the nominations of Wil and Frank, with proper angry reactions from the nominees and Boogie, along with smug smiles from Danielle.

While tonight's episode is destined to be a snoozer, the real actions could be on Wednesday's show. As stated by Ash's report last night, there really is a movement to put up Janelle. Danielle is seemingly working with Shane AND Frank right now. Obviously, this plot is one conversation away from not happening, but it could enliven Wednesdya's episode! Turn those feeds on and view for yourself!

Thursday
Aug022012

Big Brother #14, Episode 10 Recap

Hu-bris /’(h)yoobris/

Noun: 1. Excessive pride or self-confidence

Example: See Mike Boogie or Frank Eudy.

I’d say every person has a moment in their life where ego gets the best of them. Job security, financial projections, relationships, etc. We’ve all been hit by a situation that should have been seen from a thousand miles away.

Unless something strange happened in the couple of hours before tonight’s live eviction, we will see the definition of hubris in action tonight. Frank and Boogie have completely ignored or failed to notice HUGE indications that things were not going as well as they believed. Even being put up as a replacement nominee when no change was necessary didn’t cause a raised eybrow.

Instead, they spent the entire week lying around the house. Boogie took long, long naps and made idle chitchat in the backyard. Frank floated around the house, occasionally winking at a person or two to see if they were still on board to keep him around. At no time did either of these cocksure brainiacs have a serious conversation about Frank’s future in the house.

That will be Frank’s downfall, but it appears that’s not the only big news for the night. It appears that this will be the episode where the worst dreams of Big Brother purists come true. All indications from CBS point to this as an inevitable part of the show, and most predict there will also be an endurance competition. It should be an interesting episode, and for quite some time afterwards. (Buy the feeds now, folks!)

Before we get to all of that, though, we have some (heavily) edited footage to sit through, commencing with the reactions to Shane’s big veto replacement move. Boogie is not happy that he can’t go on “cruise control” this week. “I’m a little perturbed that they’re making me go back to work this week.” Ashley, of course, is ecstatic, but, obviously, Frank isn’t. He still believes he has the votes to stay in the house, though. Shane furthers this belief by whispering that their plan is still in effect. For some reason, we have to hear Danielle proclaim Shane’s move as wonderful, and we also have to listen to Joe scream some more about how he’s feeling better.

Frank joins Boogie in the bedroom, and attempts to calm him down by saying he’s still safe. “You knew you were getting nominated”, Boogie asks. Frank replies that if the noms were changed he knew it would be him. But “no matter what happens, you’re still good”. Boogie is pissed that Frank didn’t provide him these details. “I hate this lack of trust thing. What do we have to do to show we’re down?”

Britney then comes into the room with the biggest smile she’s had all season, and says “I know you’re pissed”. She again repeats the “forseeable circumstance” comment from Ian, and Boogie agrees he needs to be more careful with his words. Britney says that with Danielle the swing vote, Frank should be safe.

Wil is then shown heading into the HOH, and says that Shane’s move was amazing. They all pat themselves on the bat for awhile, and for some reason Ashley jumps into talking about the “spiritual world”. Everybody yawns as she rambles on, but then Shane says this was either the “biggest” or “stupidest” move in the game.

The camera shifts over to Ian in the have-not game, and he’s not happy that his biggest ally in the game is now up for nomination. He then joins Boogie and Frank, who consoles him while again relating the “forseeable future” story. “Don’t worry about it”, says Frank, urging him to remain calm. Boogie reminds him that all they need is Daniele’s help…and Dan.

For some reason, we then get to watch Britney and Janelle babble about menstrual and labor pains. Janelle says she never cries, and Britney is amazed. Britney feels that her lack of emotions is “a definite advantage in this game”.

With this filler over, we now see Janelle hanging out with Joe and Wil badmouthing Frank. Wil sticks up for Frank a bit, saying he’s not a bad guy. “(He’s) pure evil in this game”, replies Janelle. “Frank leaving is a best-case scenario for you. You’re getting your biggest competitor out of this game. This is a huge move for you, because they could have backdoored you but I had to keep you off the block. I kissed ass for three days straight.” Uh oh. Wil doesn’t take kindly to this conversation. “Thank you for saving me two weeks in a row”, he sarcastically replies.

Janelle carries on with this topic, and Wil is clearly getting more pissed off. Talk finally moves on to the next HOH competition, and Janelle says it will probably be an endurance comp. If it’s between him and Ian, will he make a deal with him? “I’ll tell him to go fuck himself”, says Wil. Janelle continues to talk over Wil, and the anger again rises before Wil finally walks away. Joe asks what the deal is, and Janelle’s reply is that he’s “just a bitchy guy”. Truthfully, she catches herself before she says something worse.

The next morning, Wil and Joe are sitting outside, and Wil asks his thoughts about Janelle. “She was all nervous about you last night.” Joe says he wasn’t quite sure what he witnessed last night, so Wil repeats that her claim that she was saved only because she kissed Frank’s ass the previous week.  Now Joe is freaked out, as Wil is one of HIS votes to stay.

Joe heads right back in the house to repeat (or should I say embellish) the story to Ashley. “I think he may have already joined their side”, he claims. Ashley heads out to grab Janelle, and Joe tells her that Wil is “insanely mad at you”. Joe now thinks they’re in “serious jeopardy”. This is doomsday for Janelle, or at least she claims in the diary room.

After the first commercial break, Janelle grabs Wil to clear the air. Wil claims he was made to feel like an idiot, and Janelle then whips out the tissue to create some fake tears. Ok, now I understand the inclusion of that earlier footage with Britney. She admits in the diary room that she’ll do anything to make Wil believe they’re still on the same team, and damned if she isn’t a competent enough actress. Ooooh, the closeup on her lips are horrific. Double oooh, Wil claims he is seeing right through her fake tears. I do like this guy. “I’m not buying it, but I’ll act along…but I’m not trusting her for another second in this house”.

Oh wait, there’s Dan. I almost forgot about him. Frank and Boogie are talking to him because to get Daniele’s vote “you have to go through Dan”. Frank says that Daniele is “completely protected” because it is Janelle’s players they’re going after. “I want to work with people in this game I can trust”, says Frank, who also asks Dan for a number on how much he trusts them. Dan babbles about how he has “game tape” on Boogie’s previous years, so their scores can’t be the same. To make sure we have doubts on who is going home, Dan yells at the diary room camera that he’s now unsure on how Daniele should vote.

Jump to Dan talking with Daniele, and Dan says he’d rather work with Frank and Boogie. She’s worried, though, that they’ll put her up this week, but is also excited about having some power this week. Unfortunately, she doesn’t want to anger her boy Shane, and Dan tells her to “stop liking” him. “He’s not your husband. He’s not going to be your boyfriend.” Daniele claims that she’s not thinking along those terms, but Dan isn’t buying it. “Nothing gets between me and my Shane”, he jokes, but Danielle claims she’s not letting Shane get between him and the prize money. Yeah, right.

It’s time for Julie’s meaningless chatter with the house, and she starts by asking what Ian has planned for the three grand that Boogie gave him after the coach’s comp. “Rent and necessities”, he replies. Boogie is then asked if it was difficult to take the bigger portion, but he doesn’t really answer except to say happy birthday to an uncle.

Oh Lord. Danielle is asked about her kiss with Shane. Ugh. On a scale of 1- 10, Daniele says it was a ten. Gross. Shane thoughtfully ups it to a 10.5. Footage of the coach’s comp is then shown to Janelle, and she just complains about her bruises. Thankfully, we’re now done with this segment.

Before we get to the actual eviction, we have to endure Julie’s talk with the HOH, Shane. He’s asked about his big move, and he babbles about the difficulty of balancing his thoughts with his coach. He admits that his relationship with Frank has suffered, and he can’t trust either Frank or Boogie. Of course, Julie has to ask about the FAKE kiss, but thankfully Shane says that he can’t have a showmance in the house! THANK THE LORD!!!

OOOOh, we get to see Frank’s dad, starting with his admission to Boogie that he’s Sid Vicious! After a little history lesson on Sid’s career, we head to Sid’s home. YES!!! Of course, Daddy thinks Frank is a huge target because he’s the greatest! Frank does admit that he hasn’t had the best relationship with his dad over the years, and we get the acoustic guitar music as Sid admits that the life of a professional wrestler means the children suffer. His mother adds that Frank would probably be surprised to hear how closely Sid has followed his son’s life in the house. Frank ends the segment by saying he hopes his father is indeed watching.

It’s finally eviction time, but before we get to it Julie has an announcement. She talks about how there have been theories throughout the season, and that there has been a poll on whether to allow them to enter the game. Julie opens the results of this vote, and America has (supposedly) voted to give them that chance. A coach can give up the right to be a coach, and if that does happen then there is NO eviction tonight. Instead, everybody would battle in tonight’s HOH competition. If the coach’s don’t remain in the game, then next week SOME of the evictees will have a chance to return to the game.

To make this work, the coaches will be brought into the diary room, and if any of them presses the reset button then they all re-enter the game. Britney is the first to choose, and after a moment of indecision she does indeed hit the button. Boogie then comes in, and doesn’t hit reset. Dan also hits the button, as does Janelle. Seriously, this was a poorly thought-out twist with zero chance of it not happening.

Julie then gives the news to the house, and they’re all led out back for the HOH competition. Boogie is clearly not happy. After commercials, we see that it’s a “hang on the wall” type endurance competition, and this time it is in the shape of a ship. Oh, and Shane is indeed allowed to play once again. Like always, after a minute or so the ship’s wall begins to move back and forth. And like always, after commercials they’re hit by water. My God, Grodner is so predictable!

That’s how we end his abortion of an episode. What are your thoughts? Are you glad Frank was saved (making two days in a row that my intro doesn’t work)? Do you like the coach’s twist? Let us know what you think!

Wednesday
Aug012012

Big Brother #14, Episode 9 Recap

Danielle Murphree. This dolt is a person who shouldn’t even show up on tonight’s episode. She’s not the current Head of Household. She’s not nominated, doesn’t win POV (spoiler alert!), and isn’t a replacement nominee.

Yet this crazy 50 Shades of Grey/The Rules aficionado (I’m assuming) is going to be all over this episode, mainly due to two reasons. One, she won’t leave the real HOH, Shane, alone for more than a few seconds. Trust me, this isn’t because he desires her presence. There’s no doubt that he’d rather she slither off into a corner (any corner) and not interact with him at all.

The second reason, and the most evil of the two, is the desire of CBS to rewrite the Rachel/Brendon storyline from the last two years…or the Jeff and Jordan “Dumb and Dumber” rewrite from their two seasons. As pathetic as both of those pairs were, though, at least they actually had a relationship. When it comes to Shane and Danielle, though, CBS is forced to copy/paste clips from different parts of conversations, sometimes spread out over days, to give the catladies something to accompany their bon bons and convenience store wine.

With that rant off my mind, it’s show time! Guess what? They begin the show with reactions to the nominations of Joe and Ashley. Shocker! Shane is calm, Joe (“the biggest target”) screams, a heavily-medicated Ashley cries, and Janelle schemes.

As always, Frank and Boogie run into a bedroom to celebrate. Boogie says the “game is getting too easy”. Oh boy, this could actually be good later tonight. At the same time, Janelle is informing Britney that she’s not mad at her. Like most of this season so far, Britney claims to be oblivious to Shane’s plan. Janelle says she’s “still willing to work with you guys”. She asks Britney if they realize how dangerous Boogie is, and Britney’s response is that this is how people feel about her. In the diary room, Britney concedes that she still doesn’t completely trust Janelle.

Janelle leaves, and Shane is now in the HOH all apologetic to Britney. Yet she claims that either way, this will work for them, and then proceeds to tell him everything Janelle just told her. “Janelle knows that if we win POV or they win POV, they need you. They need numbers, so she’s going to still be willing to work with you.” The option to put up Frank still exists, after all.

We’re back into the lounge area, and Janelle tells her team that they still need to talk to Shane, and that “it’s really bad if he thinks that you’re mad at him.” This advice doesn’t sit well with Wil, who says “I don’t want to be known as an ass-kisser”. Ashley agrees, but Janelle pushes on that they still have to push Shane to realize that he is safe if they somehow save themselves. Joe isn’t buying it, and screams in the diary room about her “love and butterflies” speech. “I just want to tell this dude how I fell, and I am pissed!”

Joe eventually does heed her advice, though, and make his way up to the HOH. Wow, we’re a full ten minutes into the show before the nightmare appears on the screen. Joe does an adequate job at kissing up to Shane, saying he made a smart move that he, the biggest threat in the house, would have also done. He says he does indeed want to work with “the strongest competitor in here”, which causes Shane to retort, “I wish you would have realized this two weeks ago”. POW! Joe’s eyes bulge, but he holds back until he can get back to the diary room for more screaming about “manners”. He does say it “sucks” and that he’s “mad”, but Shane isn’t too interested. “Is Joe trying to get on my good side”, he asks in the diary room. Joe adds that they’ll have to take him to the hospital “before I don’t win (POV) tomorrow”. Yeah, right. Joe’s silly.

Time to pick veto players, and Shane draws the witch…I mean, Danielle. This definitely pleases Shane, but not for the reason he states. He knows she has ZERO chance of winning. Ashley pulls out HouseGuest choice, and picks Wil. That’s good news, according to Janelle. “We have really good odds at winning this thing.” Too bad for Joe, though, as he pulls Frank’s name…the one name he just screamed he didn’t want. The host for this competition is Jenn, so at least she gets some screen time tonight.

They head outside, and it is a circus tent set. They’re all dressed as clowns, but Britney wonders why Frank is the only one “in the bozo wig”. Each contestant must roll two balls on different ramps at the same time. When a ball hits the ground, they’re out.

Yep, we get the usual “I have to win” speeches, and Frank just needs to make sure Joe or Wil doesn’t win. He thinks it doesn’t matter otherwise. For some reason, Britney gives Shane advice on how to keep the balls going, which is funny given how awful she is at competitions.

The game begins, and is over-explained, and Wil is the first one out. Joe is next, followed by Frank. Wait, Daniele is still in? Oh, not anymore. It’s between Ashley and Shane, and guess who wins? Yep, it’s Shane’s third POV victory in a row! Frank thinks this is “great for me”, but Joe is pissed enough to scream at the camera. Oh yeah, he always does that.

After commercials, Britney is now celebrating in the HOH. “You’re so lucky you picked me”, says Shane. Britney adds that it’s now “time for Janelle to know what it feels like to lose a player”. Really? She does a little Janelle imitation as she complains on how “annoying” her team is. “All they do is make up songs, braid hair, (and) cook.” Shane says he “can’t wait to see what offer Joe brings to the table”, but Britney says she’ll “shoot myself in the face” if she has to sit through that drivel. Me too! She then does a SPOT-ON imitation of him. This is the Britney I have missed this year!

They see Janelle and Joe on the screen making their way upstairs, and they’re not happy to see them already. “Can’t we have two minutes of peace”, Britney says in the diary room. “So annoying.” Janelle keeps it short and sweet, though, saying that Frank is the guy they should be targeting. “You have two of my players on the block, and I’m not trying to downplay them, but they can’t fucking win anything.” Valid point!

Britney counters, though, that while the two of them get along, Janelle’s players don’t seem to even want to work with Shane. Wil then also enters, as does Ashley almost immediately after. Britney is pissed, as she just wants to do what she does best – nap. Janelle jumps back on the offensive, saying that Frank and Boogie won’t take them to the end. It will be either Jenn or Ashley. Wait, Ashley was just there. Where is she now? Nice editing!

For some reason, Janelle then throws out her wedding ring as collateral that her word is gold, and also pledges her Chanel earrings. We talked about this last week on the Big Brother Gossip Show, and I still don’t understand this move.

The segment ends with Janelle saying she now needs to do some work with Joe, as she knows that Boogie is downstairs scheming. Actually, he’s not, as he’s sitting in silence with Frank and Ian. Well, not complete silence, as Boogie asks an exercise question.

Joe is lying around in the lounge area, and Janelle comes in to tell him that he MUST tell Shane that he wants to work with him. She is blunt, saying that if he doesn’t convince Shane to put up Frank that he will be the one that goes home. “If you want to stay in the game, you’ve got to grovel.” Cue more Joe screaming.

Joe gets his opportunity as Shane heads in from working out, and he babbles something about saving a person off a cliff. “That person typically becomes one of the most loyal persons you ever met. I’m on the cliff. I’m going home if you don’t save me.” He goes on about how being on this show is his dream, and that he’s “saving my life”. He pledges to work with him outside of his team, especially since Wil is obviously Janelle’s pet. “If you come and help me now, I promise you, brother, I will be there for you…this is life or death for me.” Shane claims that he isn’t completely sold on what Joe has to say, and asks if he’d take out his own team. “100%.”

Filler time after commercials, as it is time for the sushi dinner that Dan won in the previous coach’s competition. In case you forgot, Dan repeats how he picked the coaches to accompany him as a strategy, and including Shane was also a method of kissing ass. At the same time, a scantily clad Wil organizes his own party in the kitchen. If you want more info on these activities, go back to Ash’s EXCELLENT Saturday night wrapup.

Of course, the supposed big news of the party was the spin-the-bottle kiss that Shane was forced to give Danielle. Yep, it took longer to get to the psycho than I thought would happen tonight, but there it is. Both Daniele (duh) and Shane read their diary room scripts about how they wish it had lasted longer, and Shane doesn’t help by sort of inferring there may be a second kiss someday. Yeah, right.

We’re now shown a rare moment of Britney talking game to Ian. At first I wondered why, but once I remember what happened on the feeds when the veto ceremony was held I quickly recalled. This is actually a semi-important bit part for little Ian. She asks him if he’d put up Shane if he won HOH, and he seems to give the needed answer. “I don’t see any forseeable circumstance in which that would happen.” To Britney, that’s code for “yes, I would put him up”. You silly girl. “I was just looking for a ‘no’.”

Britney runs upstairs to tell Shane about this info, and says she’s “freaking out”. Oh wait, they didn’t edit this segment correctly, as Britney says she talked to Ian YESTERDAY. “He was trying to be so finicky”, which makes Shane believe that “Boogie has been in Ian’s ear”, which also means he’s been in Frank’s ear. All deals are now off!!!

They work on exactly what to say to Frank, although Britney says it will be “freaking scary”. We jump right to a conversation between Shane and Frank, who says in the diary room that he just wants to make sure everything is still “hunky dory”. Shane relates the Ian story, and babbles a convoluted voting strategy that will keep Frank happy even if he is put up as a replacement nominee.

The always paranoid Britney doesn’t want to leave Shane alone with Frank, and heads into to break up the party. She also relays the Ian story, and Frank claims that it is because Boogie has not told him what to say. “He’s not very good at this game”, he adds in the diary room. “This freaking kid is going to mess up my game.” Britney says that somebody from Boogie’s team needs to go up, and Frank suggests that person should be Ian.

It’s now time for Shane to make the “biggest decision” he’s had to make so far, and after three weeks he’s become pretty good at reading the script. The only entertaining part of the pre-ceremony diary room tidbits is Boogie’s cockiness, as he doesn’t seem to have any clue as to what is about to happen.

Shane brings everybody into the house, and after two meaningless pleas, decides to…use the veto to save Ashley! The replacement nominee is…Frank! Boogie storms out of the room as we hear Frank say that it wasn’t a total surprise. Shane hopes that Frank isn’t pissed, and will believe that he’s not the target “when he really is”. Britney babbles something about how Boogie is a “disgusting, vicious dragon” and Frank is the “curly head. Cut the head off of this dragon, and the rest of the beast will just fall dead.” Wait what?

Janelle is mighty pleased at herself, and says she just wanted to laugh when Frank was nominated. “Boogie, you thought you were pulling the strings in this house. There’s a new puppet master in this house, and it’s me.” Boogie, of course, is “super annoyed” that he can’t just “sit by the pool with no worries. It’s taking a little shot at me, and as you know, America, that doesn’t usually end up well for the other side.” Oh yeah? You’re a fool.

That's it for tonight, and I must apologize for my anti-Danielle rant at the beginning of this wrap-up. She really wasn't much of a factor tonight, and that is due to the fact that there was actually some strategy and unpredictable moves this week. That's what Big Brother is supposed to be about, after all.

What did you think of tonight's episode? Do you agree with Shane's big move? Are you impressed with Janelle's scheming? Who is going home tomorrow night? Let us know!

Sunday
Jul292012

Big Brother #14, Episode 8 Recap

The prospect of watching tonight's episode frightens me. Seriously, I'm almost panic-stricken. Why? It's not due to the fact that I'm going to have to view that dimwit Shane actually attempt to strategize. No, that's almost funny. It's also not the inevitable whinefest that is Britney fail another challenge. Nope, I'm almost used to it.

What scares me is a little Southern cliche whose "teaching" skills clearly doesn't include English. I've complained about this all season, but the words that come out of Daniele's mouth sounds to me like a mixture of taliban terrorists, Game of Thrones peasants, and Charlie Brown's teacher. The noises just don't make any sense, which is probably her only saving grace as I can't imagine my reactions if I COULD understand her.

Unfortunately, this episode is bound to include way too much of this southern inbred (my apologies to non-inbred southerners), as she has attached herself to our current HOH, Shane, as if she's a little poodle on his lengthy chain (which, by the way is also one of her 50 Shades of Grey fantasies).

If there are lengthy gaps in my timeline tonight, it is simply because it's become easier to skip her segments than to try to run them through my "moron interpreter". So let's jump right into this episode, and the always-predictable reactions to Jojo's ouster...which means the first portion of the show I can't transcribe. After Daneile's nonsense, Frank describes his week as "pretty spectacular", as two people from Britney's team left her only Shane. For some reason, Shane says that was almost "teary-eyed" as she left. Oh, and we have ot listen to Britney do what she does best - whine and whine some more.

We then jump to the conclusion of the HOH contest, which Shane won and was immediately dry-humped by Britney. Now we get happy, cocky Britney in the diary room. Frank, though, isn't as happy although he claims to have a bit of a deal with him. Ugh, Joe has to add his two cents. Oh wait, I mean YELL his two cents about what a "buzzkill" Shane's victory means to him.

The next shot is in the storage room, and Daniele is now the one dry-humping Shane. We're talking pelvic thrusts...on her side at least. Shane doesn't seem the least bit interested. Shane plays up to his phony stereotype, though, saying that last week his focus was on Jojo but with her gone he's going to play with Daniele this week. Gag me, please!

The mood is more dire in the bedroom, as Jenn (who?), Joe, and g-string clad Wil are not happy about the turn of events. Wil says that Shane has gone "from the hunted to the hunter", and that his targets are Janelle and Boogie's players. "I'm afraid he sees me as a shiny white doe that can be taken out in one shot. I'm screwed. Get me some camouflage, folks."

Boogie isn't so worried, though, because of the secret deals he and Frank made with Shane. He says in the diary room that while he has to mope around the house, he's not worried at all.

Time for more Britney whining, as she's complaining to Ashley how she's "so tired" of this and that and this and that. For feed watchers, this is a constant line of vomit from her pretty little mouth. She's going to make sure, though, that this week Boogie and Janelle's teams know what it feels like to be on the block. "I'm going to make sure that this week things get stirred up." For once, Ashley is a voice of reason, as she complains how Britney is "drunk with power. It's kind of scary."

HOH room reveal time. You folks all know how I feel about this.

Once this dogshit segment ends, Joe is now complaining to Janelle that he and Wil will be those on the block. Janelle decides she needs to rebuild her friendship with Britney.

Uh oh, creepy filler time again. Shane is shirtless as usual in the HOH, and Daniele can't hide the lust in her creepy eyes. Britney and Dan have a laugh about the sexual tension in the room. Too bad all the tension is one-sided. Britney decides to talk game play, and wants to put up one player from Boogie and Janelle's teams. She asks Dan who is the best person to go up, and Dan's response is the "most likely to win this game" - Frank and Wil. Before the topic can go any further, Shane pipes up and says he can't nominate Frank. "Wil is definitely going up because it's going to cripple Janelle." Britney argues that Frank is a much bigger threat, and Dan adds that they should want him out. Shane wants nothing to do with it, as he understands why Frank nominated him last week.

More filler, as Joe has decided to cook breakfast in bed for Shane and Britney. After his typical diary room screams, Boogie says he's never seen such a pathetic ass-kissing. Yep, sir, you're correct. Too bad he interrupted a "nice dream about Carmen Elektra" that Shane was having. Yeah, right.

And even more filler, as we get tonight's crazy chat from Ashley. She's a hippie chick who has something called a "Dreamboard" but loves rap music. Supposedly, this dreamboard thing resulted in her getting an iPhone. Um, wow.

Back to game talk, as Frank is now in the HOH with Shane, who says Wil is his number one target and that Britney wants him to also put up Frank. He wants to "stay true to my word", and that he'll vote against Wil if that makes him happy.

OMG, more Daniele filler! Fast forward. Fast forward...even if Jenn discussing coming out to her mother is involved in this segment. Wait, Daniele is scared of lesbians???

Back to game talk, even if Daniele is involved. She's lying in bed with Shane, and he says that he has to "make a big move". She thinks Wil and Frank would be the best move so it would cause Boogie and Janelle to go at each other. Again, Shane wants nothing to do with nominating Frank. Daniele isn't happy, and we're led to believe that he may be reconsidering. Oh, and these two dopes made a final two deal. Yep, that will happen.

Coach's comp time, and they're now all dressed as if they're in an Olivia Newton-John exercise video. In each round they have to do reps on an exercise machine.. The coach with the least reps is out, but they do get to pick a prize.

The first round is somewhat similar to a bucking bronco, and let's just say it appears that Janelle has done her share of ridin', if you know what I mean. When the time ends, Britney is in last place, and in her locker she has won the right to pick this week's slop recipients. Before she can make a choice, Ian (again) volunteers. Joe is her second choice, and Ian says that his strategy in taking the slop is that people will keep him around if he's willing to take punishments.

The second round is a back-to-back hip roll, and this time Boogie is out. His prize is a cash reward of $10,000 for himself and two players. He takes the six thousand, and gives three thousand to Ian and a grand to Jenn. For some reason, Ian tears up. Dude, you're playing for a half-million. Three grand is nothing.

The final round, then, is Janelle versus Dan, and this exercise involves working a lever back and forth with their tongues. Yeah, we know who is better at working that muscle. Um, eww It should be obvious to all that Janelle wins this round (107-45)...and the competition! Dan's prize is a sushi party for five people, and he chooses the coaches (so they're not alone without him around), along with Shane and Daniele. The most important decision, though, is Janelle's, who gets to either save or trade a player. Her decision is to save Wil from nomination this week. Shane, Frank, and Joe are not happy!

The house walks back into the house and discovers the lamest Have-not food in Big Brother history - salmon and Fruit Loops. Oh, I see. It has to do with Boogie's arguement with Willie two weeks ago. You just can't let the wild man go without some type of mention, can you CBS?

Up in the HOH, Joe and Janelle are groveling. Joe is just not good at this game, though. Janelle's move is to remind Shane what Frank did the previous week, and it probably doesn't hurt that her breasts are hanging all over the place. She offers safety for a week, but Britney is shooting daggers her way...or at least one of her eyes is pointed in that direction.

It's Boogie and Frank's turn to sweet talk Britney and Shane. This time, Britney actually speaks, saying that she wants one person from each team to be up to "even things up a little bit around here". Once they leave, Britney continues to Shane that he has to put up Frank...as Shane is being called to the diary room to start the nomination ceremony. "Oh my God, I don't know what he's going to do", she realizes as we head to the last commercial break.

It's nomination time, and after silly, loud comments from Wil and Joe, we get down to business. Shane is confused whether he listens to Britney or "stay true to my word". The first key belongs to Jenn, followed by Ian, Daniele, and Frank. The nominees are Ashley and Joe! Shane's excuse is that Janelle is the only coach that hasn't had a nominee, so she needs to know how it feels. Ashley is confused, and is in tears that she "doesn't trust anybody in the house". Shane hopes the risk is worth it, but Janelle says "game on" and she is going to do "everything in my power to fight". Joe says it's "on like Donkey Kong", and that if it's the last thing he does he's going after Shane. Um, how is that possible if you leave this week, you big dummy?

That's all she wrote, folks. What did you think of tonight's show. Did Shane make the right choices? And how crazy is both Daniele and Ashley? Let us know!

Thursday
Jul262012

Big Brother #14, Episode 7 Recap

Jojo versus Daniele. Which of these ladies is going home tonight? More importantly, does anybody care? Neither has really established themselves as noteworthy characters this year. In fact, they've done nothing but live up to the stereotypes that blemish the fine people of Long Island and Alabama. One is all talk but no action; the other is psycho talk but no action.

Before we begin, though, it should be noted that earlier in the day Julie Chen tweeted that we would se a "game-changing twist" tonight. I don't put much stock in this proclamation, though, as just last week the "trade or save" decision in the coach's competition was also labeled as such. I call it nothing more than hyperbole, but who knows?

After the customary hype from Julie, the show starts with the standard post-veto ceremony comments. Yes, Daniele is pissed. Yes, Jojo has her back against the wall but is still fighting...blah blah blah.

Daniele heads into the bedroom to drown her sorrows, and Coach Dan gives her a pep talk, telling her that his earlier conversation was a "motivational tool to light a fire underneath her". Whatever, Danny Boy. He acknowledges in the diary room that he "may have gone a little too far, but it's now my job to reel her back in". He promises to "help get you out of this mess". Thankfully, Daniele forgives him. Yuck!

Meanwhile, Shane is giving a similar pep talk to Jojo, reminding her that she's "never out of this game". Shane promises to help keep her around, and Ian then walks in. The lights are turned off, and Shane and Jojo begin their version of "sexy talk". Ian is a bit uncomfortable because he's trying to sleep while "Shane attempts to board the Staten Island Ferry". Nicely said, Ian!

It's now the next morning, and Ian and Daniele are sharing the cot outside. She asks him about the late-night conversation she overheard, and Ian tells her they were all just joking around. Daniele is SHOCKED to hear that Jojo and Shane were talking "da sexy" because, you know, in Daniele's psycho mind THEY were a couple. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", she says. Really?

Daniele heads into the bedroom where Janelle and Ashley are napping. She climbs into bed with them to badmouth Shane. Too bad Daneile doesn't know what "emancipated" means, but neither does Ashley as she meant to say "emaciated". Idiots. We do know how much Janelle likes "mean girl" talk, though, and she loves every second of it.

With the ice fully broken, Daniele relays everything that Ian just told her. "I thought you and Shane liked each other", replies Ashley. "He can get in Staten Island if he wants", is Daneile's response. Oooof. Yet Daniele isn't completely over Shane, as she adds "I lost ot Staten Island". In the diary room, Janelle reminds viewers how dangerous "showmances" are to the rest of the players.

Jojo now heads up to the HOH to talk to Britney. I mean get lectured by Britney, who gives her typical advice - shut up. "Absolutely anything can be turned against you", she says. "So it has to be nothing but pink roses and rainbows coming out of your mouth." She also adds that she just saw Janelle and Daniele laughing and cuddling. Britney doesn't think she got through to her.

Boogie now has to endure Britney's whining, as she pleads with him to not send Jojo home. She claims that Daniele is smarter than he thinks she is, and says it's because she knows she can't trust Jojo to do the right thing. Boogie says the only reason to even consider booting Daniele is if the coach twist comes true. "I do feel that the new people's automatic instinct will be to go after the coaches." Britney doesn't agree, and asks if she thinks he can work with Dan. When Boogie says no, Britney believes she has the upper hand in this argument, but Boogie claims that he has five noobs under his wing. "I would hate to see (Dan) go personally, but professionally I'd like to see him pack the bag and beat it on Thursday". Yes, there's the reasonable doubt we need before the actual eviction.

It's commercial break time, and when we return we have to once again replay the Willie situation. I guess it's a leadup to some Chen questions, as we go right to the living room after the taped segment. Ah yes, that is the case as Joe is immediately asked about what was going through his mind when Willie was going nuts. He says he was only thinking about protecting himself, and mindless cliches about handling the heat. Quit yelling! Ian is also asked since he was in the bathroom, and he admits he was worried about his own self-being but since he is an RA at Tulane he wanted to "step in and break things up. I just wanted to keep everybody safe". Shane's veto victory is then shown, and Britney says it was "incredible" when he won. "Well worth me jumping into a giant bowl of guacamole."

This segment was cut short because we have to spend some time with Dr. Will. After an intro package cut between shots from his tattoo-removal business and his Chilltown antics, he says that his pal Boogie is "doing a phenomenal job. He's got the guy with the crazy hair, he's got the nerd, and he's got the rocker. Right now, Boogie is coaching Frank to be his new Frankenstein. I think he's trying to build a bigger, better, faster Chilltown." Come on, Will, you can't possibly believe that crap! He does note that sometimes Boogie's ego gets in his way, like in the last Coach's Competition.

As for the other coaches, Will doesn't think too highly of their job so far. "Their play so far is lackluster, and less they get their act together very quickly Mike Boogie and his players are going to steamroll them." Will adds that if Seacrest and Kermit the Frog had a baby, it would be Dan. While he is always coaching, he believes that his eyes led him to picking the all-girls team.

Britney, though, is as huge a disappointment to Will as to the rest of America. "You better put your coaching hat on. If your players are getting evicted for violence, you're doing a terrible job at coaching." He says that Janelle is a "phenomenal competitor, but the question is (whether) she is good at strategy. If she wins this show, she will have redeemed her previous losses. If she loses, however, she's just a three-time loser."

The segment ends with Will's choice for the ultimate victor, and he thinks it will be Ian. "People may think that Ian and Boogie have nothing in common, and that is completely incorrect. He's just a forty year-old Ian." Ooooh, that's pretty good, Will! A nice little split screen allows Will to end the segment with a nice jab at Boogie's awful clothing choices. "Season two called, and they want their clothes back!"

While I thought it was eviction time, we have our first HOH chat of the season. Frank kisses up by asking Julie if she "is my homegirl". Ooof. She asks him about the importance of Boogie's advice, and it is nothing but admiration. His possible relationship with Shane is next, and he replies that he has to have plenty of different plans to keep safe. Will the alliance with Janelle last? Yes, he says. Thankfully, that's it for this segment.

Now it is eviction time, and we start with the final pleas. Jojo goes first, and she babbles about how she planned to play dirty but "that's not who I am...I think I've proven that I'm loyal, and that is what has got me in this situation". She believes evicting her is a mistake because "this game is all about making big moves". Well, isn't evicting her a big move?

Daniele is next, and almost falls on her ass. That was easily the highlight of her speech, as she just talks. Nothing is really said except that she likes everybody.

Voting begins with Wil, who votes to evict Jojo, as does Joe, and Ashley. After a commercial break, Shane votes to evict Daniele, but Ian and Jenn vote against Jojo. It's 5-1, and Jojo is the fourth person evicted from this season!

When the news is read, Jojo gives a little hip shake, and doesn't follow through with her promise to only hug her five friends (shocker!). Instead, she yells "make big moves", and saunters out of the house. Julie begins the interview by asking what she whispered to Shane, and it was nothing more than "stay strong" and "I believe in you". Sorry, Julie, I know you really wanted your fake showmance.

Julie then asks about why she "deserved" to be their more than Daniele, and she claims she proved herself in the first HOH competition. "The fight and the heart I have I don't think a lot of people in the house has." Yeah, but the issue is your personality, sweetheart. Willie is the next topic, and why she stayed loyal to him after the fight with Frank. Again, we just hear that she's "too loyal". Oooh, here's a question I like - Britney as a coach. Jojo believes she's the "underdog" of the coaches. Say what?

It's goodbye messages time, and it starts with Jenn. "Maybe the house can only handle one New Yorker." Hmmm. Shane does nothing to erase the sexist stereotype he's created so far this year, talking about how he's going to miss their makeout conversation. "Too bad we didn't get to do it", Jojo replies. After silliness from Daniele, we end with a very scary looking Britney, who...well, whines, of course, about her loud voice.

HOH competition time, and it's a hockey setup where the players have to attempt to shoot a ball into the slot with the highest number. Yes, it's this year's version of the golf game from last season.

Ashely is up first, and hits a four. Joe is up next, and after lining up like he's Tiger Woods, his three doesn't even beat Ashley. Jenn is the third player up, and she completely misses the target. The fourth player is Ian, and he takes the lead with a nine! Wil gets a two, but Shane ricochets a great shot to hit a perfect twenty. The game ends with Daniele knocking in a twelve, making Shane the new HOH!

After another commercial break, Julie congratulates Shane, who repeats Frank's rags to riches story from last week. Britney is also ecstatic...you mean we may have a week with no complaining???

When the mics are cut, Julie announces that America will decide if the coaches will be offered a spot in the game. Pleas go to CBS.com, and vote "2" to prevent the coaches from entering the game. Please, I beg you! Don't let them enter!!!

That's it! What did you think of tonight's episode? Do you agree with Dr. Will's assessment? Are you happy with Jojo's eviction, or Shane's victory? And what about the new America's Choice gimmick? Do you want the coaches to enter the game? Let us know your thoughts!