Big Brother - Season 11, Finale Recap (Part One)

Well, here we are almost to the conclusion of another season of Big Brother. So what did my readers think of this year’s show? Personally, I had problems with a few of the production decisions. The “high school clique” angle was a disaster; allowing a former cast member to return was also terrible; and they never did touch on the “green” angle that was a part of the pre-show publicity. Most of the competitions were also a bit lacking. It’s a sad state that the best games were those that we’d seen before.

I hate to admit to this, but the feeds were also a bit lacking this season. A good portion of this cast did little more than sleep away the day, and when they were awake they just rehashed the same conversations over and over. Even when there was action, this skewed sleep schedule made it so all of the good stuff happened in the middle of the night.

Having said that, though, the CBS broadcasts were a giant leap over previous seasons. This was mainly due to the timing of what little action that did occur. Blowouts after nominations and POV competitions ensured that the Tuesday show was generally more action-packed than usual, and the twists and backdoor evictions also created livelier Thursday shows than usual. (It also helps the hour-long broadcasts when a good portion of the house is just a half-step away from being certifiable lunatics.)

Surprisingly, the real star of this season was Julie Chen! It pains me to say this, as I’ve long said she’s the weakest link of the show, but she came alive this season. Maybe it was the hormones kicking in, but she was not the Chenbot we’ve seen in past years (or on The Early Show). She was very quick-witted this year, and for once didn’t seem content to let B.S. statements just sit there. I hope the post-pregnancy version next year is as vibrant as she was this season.

Speaking of the Chenbot, let’s get this show on the road! Ugh, enough with the “first time ever” garbage. Keeping a third person to the finale is not an earth-shattering change. Oh, how I’ve missed Laura’s tatas! Otherwise, the season recap is unnecessary. Wait, Braden was one of Jessie’s biggest threats? Oh God! Blah blah blah, alliance, coup d-etat, blah blah blah, Chima is nuts, blah blah blah, “last minute lie“, Jeff‘s betrayed, blah blah blah. Let’s get to the good stuff!

Ok, here we go. Ooooh, Jordan looks fantastic tonight! Ugh, we have to proceed with the final three hanging out in the house this past weekend. I don’t know how they can make this sound exciting. But we begin with Julie’s announcement that she won the second round of the HOH competition. Jordan, of course, is excited. “I’m so excited!” Kevin is also excited, as that means “Natalie is no longer a part of the equation.” He feels confident that Jordan would take him to the finals.

Natalie, obviously, is not so happy, and says she has to spend these days convincing both of them to carry her to the finals. Um, judging by what I saw on the live feeds you didn’t do that great of a job sucking up to them. She heads into the bedroom with a deck of cards, and is joined by Kevin. “I hope if you win, you stick with the deal and take me. I don’t know why, (but) I just feel like you’ll go with her.” Kevin says he believes “the bitch” (Jordan) would take her instead of him. Kevin says he just wants to relax and enjoy being in the final three, but says in the diary room that Natalie is indeed correct in her assessment that Kevin won’t be taking her if he gets that choice. “I just hope I can trust you”, says Natalie.

We next see Natalie being called into the diary room, and Kevin asks if Jordan is on board with going together to the finals. She tells him not to worry, but is worried that Kevin won’t take her to the finals. “1000 percent, if I get the choice, I’ll take you.” He goes to describe how taking Natalie is a guaranteed second, and at least with Jordan he has a chance. Jordan, though, says in the diary room that she’s going to take Natalie if she wins. Ohnoes!!!

It’s now dark out, and Kevin is heading outside with a blanket. Natalie wants to play pool, but instead kisses up to Jordan by saying that she hopes they keep in contact after the show. Come on, Jordan can’t really believe that! Natalie claims that Jordan is just like one of her girlfriends back home. Yeah, sure. They both claim that if evicted, they’ll fight for the other in the jury. Jordan says in the diary room that her final two deal with Natalie is “genuine”. God, I hope Kevin wins the final round!

Kevin is now sitting outside contemplating if he has a chance against either girl, and confides this thought to Natalie when she comes outside. He thinks his only hope is if Jeff decides to vote for him, even though he evicted him. It turns out into a pity party, though, as both of them talk about how the jury hates them. “People vote personally, Kevin.” Natalie does stick her foot in her mouth, though, when she says that if she’s evicted she’s voting for Jordan. This (supposedly) causes Kevin’s head to jerk back towards Natalie. Kevin still thinks he’s playing for second place, even though he’s played the best out of all of them. Ok, I’m done with this segment, and luckily we quickly head to commercials.

When we return, we go to Julie’s interview with the house. She asks Kevin what BB has taught him about himself. He says that it has taught him to have more confidence in himself. Natalie is then asked what she’ll miss the most of the house. “I’m going to miss living with 12 people.” Julie follow up with “all 12”? Good one. Jordan is then asked about being away from home for the longest time in her life, and after a customary “oh gosh”, she says she learned “patience with everyone”, and that she’s a “grown girl”.

Now it’s time for Michelle’s entrance to the jury house. It begins with a cheesecake shot of Jeff for the ladies, and he says that after a couple of uncomfortable days he’s enjoying his stay. As they’re all playing pool, Jeff jokes that they should “wait for Kevin”. Lydia asks who Russell thinks will be next, and he answers Kevin. Lydia wants it to be Michelle, and Jeff says “raise your hand if you think whatever Jessie thinks”. Jeff’s on fire tonight! Lydia returns the joke that it may be Jordan, but Jeff thinks he’s safe. Russell adds that he really doesn’t want to see Michelle enter the jury.

Cue to the view of the limo pulling up, and it’s the standard response as Michelle enters. Jessie’s excited, but Jeff says it’s shocking. Michelle fills them in on how she was evicted, and Michelle fills them in on the second Pandora’s Box. Lydia’s responds to the engagement with “who cares?” Jeff asks if Natalie’s boyfriend is a tool. Lydia now likes Jeff…and so does most of America. Michelle is then filled in on the age lie, but Michelle claims that she’s known that from the beginning, and she says that Natalie’s reputation in the jury house has gone downhill.

They then watch the video, and Lydia retches when they hear Natalie claim she won HOH by sticking to her word. They also roll their eyes at Natalie’s ridiculous nomination getup. Trust me, when Lydia makes fun of your costume, you’re in trouble. Oh God, I’m loving this. Jeff says the costume alone will make him not vote for her. “I hope Jordan takes her out”, Lydia adds. Wow, even Jessie says he’d “even” vote for Michelle over Natalie for the prize money!

We return from commercials to a shot of Natalie’s family in the audience, and we head to the jury meeting. Well, we kind of already saw that in the last segment, but this one is the overly-staged version. Russell points out that the three left in the house are not the hardest players in the house, so they should consider voting on how they interacted. He says that he never talked to Natalie, but Jeff counters that he never talked to Kevin. Um, you did one week, and it screwed you. Jeff thinks it’s a tossup, and then it just goes around and around for a bit. Jeff points out that Kevin wasn’t always so sweet, and Jeff blows up at Lydia. “Get in your spaceship.”

Jessie says that Kevin and Natalie both played a lot better than Jordan, but Jeff responds that they had a lot of chances to eliminate her. Lydia counters that she did stay in the house longer than Jeff. Russell says Jordan’s best move was to attach herself to Jeff, but otherwise she had no power moves. Ok, the Lydia and Jeff show is getting tiring. “She was your little marionette that danced when you told her to.” Jeff again throws it back at her that she does whatever Jessie instructs her to do, which angers Jessie. “Play your strings, N’sync”, Jeff replies.

Russell moves the conversation on to Natalie, but says she “fell onto her strategy by mistake”. Michelle says she just attached herself to stronger players until they were gone. Jessie claims that Natalie didn’t persuade him to do anything he did. Jeff doesn’t think she deserves to be in the finals at all, and of course Jessie has to flex when Jeff throws a compliment his way.

After all of this, Lydia suggests that they should just wait and see how this plays out. I agree. Michelle adds that Kevin was great at moving misinformation around to benefit him. Jessie then out of the blue says his happiest day was seeing Jeff enter the jury house, and his second happiest day was seeing Michelle come in. She goes on to sort of agree with Lydia that they need to wait until they hear from the final two, and Lydia smartly adds that they need to be aware that the final two are going to kiss their asses to get their vote. Thankfully, we have come to the close of the jury discussion.

So here we go with the final HOH competition, and it’s questions about the jury members. Kevin looks nervous. The first question is what Jessie thought was the best part of the house, and Kevin correctly guesses that it’s the ladies. The second question is about what annoyed Lydia the most, and this time Jordan guesses that it’s Jeff’s coup d’etat.

Russell is the subject of the third question, and again Jordan is correct! Jeff’s question is about his fatal mistake, and this time Kevin is correct. It’s now 2-2, going into the final question about Michelle. They both have the same correct answer, so it’s tie breaker time. Uh oh, it’s a number question. This doesn’t look good for Jordan. The question is how many votes to evict have been cast this season, and Jordan looks confused while Kevin is actually calculating. Jordan guesses 50, and Kevin’s guess is 80. The correct answer is 51, and Jordan is the final HOH!!!

OMG, what a shocker!!!

Big Brother - Season 11 Finale (Part Two)

It’s now time for Jordan to decide who she’s taking to the finals. Natalie is first to plead her case, and after a history lesson she says that they both stayed true to their partners. Now they’re friends (yeah, right), but no matter what they’ll still remain friends. “Please keep me in this game, Jordan.”

Kevin then gets up, and after saying he’ll keep things short, he says “please keep me in the house.” He claims he never did anything against her in the house, and that she’s “Gucci”. After being reminded that at the very least she’ll get $50,000, she needs to make the “half million dollar decision”. Jordan then gets up and says how much she hates to make this decision. She thinks that no matter what she’s destined for second place, but she has to go with her gut. She then evicts Kevin because he’s already won ten grand, and continues to go on about how awful she feels.

Jordan continues to try to explain to Kevin, and he says it’s ok. “It’s a good decision.” Natalie reminds him that he has to go, and he finally enters the studio to loud applause. We go back to the house, and they’re going through what they think will be the jury votes.

Julie starts in with what went wrong with Jordan, but Kevin says that he thinks she made a “smarter move”. He adds that he’s not mad at her. Julie then asks if booting Michelle over Jordan was a mistake. “I don’t know! No regrets, Julie. I had a blast. It was a dream of a lifetime. I‘ve been applying since the first season!” Julie ends the segment by asking what is going to influence his vote, and he says it’s how they played the game. We go out with sweet goodbye messages from both Jordan and Natalie.

After an extremely long commercial break, the jury members are brought in one by one. Jeff easily gets the biggest round of applause, although Russell’s ovation is also pretty nice. Julie then asks Jeff who is the person who will be joining them in the final jury spot. He says Kevin, and Lydia says she hopes it’s Natalie. (Who doesn’t?) Kevin is then introduced, and Lydia comments that “there’s two witches in the final two.” Julie then informs them that Jordan won the final HOH, and evicted Kevin.

It’s now time for jury questions, and as a group they got to come up with three questions. Kevin also gets to ask one question. Russell begins the questioning by asking Jordan about her strategy before she came in. She says that she told herself to “lay low, and not trust anyone.” She babbles on like a silly little valley girl, and that she decided to just “be herself” and “lay under the radar”.

Lydia has the second question, and asks Natalie who the biggest threat was to her. Natalie answers that it was Lydia, and it was because of her strong friendship with Jessie. Um, I’m not sure that’s a great answer. Lydia shakes her head.

Jeff then asks Jordan what her best move was, besides aligning with him. She says it was probably evicting Kevin, since everybody would be happy about Kevin voting out Jeff. “I would not have a shot.”

Michelle then asks Natalie about the age lie, and her engagement. Natalie babbles on about that the engagement is real, and that it was important for Michelle to inform everybody of the big news. The age question is not addressed at all.

Jessie then asks Jordan why she should get the money over Natalie, and she answers that she proved herself by winning the final two rounds of the HOH. “I didn’t have to depend on anybody else.”

Russell is then up again, and he asks Natalie why she deserves to win. She says she came in with a strategy, and that was to not be the strongest or weakest player, and to align herself with strong player. She also claims that she never backstabbed or betrayed anybody. Yeah, right. “I was true to my alliance.” Even the audience laughs at this.

Kevin then gets his question, and asks Jordan what she did better in the game than Natalie. She again babbles about laying low, and says that they both acted very similar. She doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Jordan and Natalie now have to give their final speeches. This should get interesting. Jordan goes first, and she again repeats about how she wanted to stay true to her alliances, and wanted everybody to just think of her as harmless. She says she’s very proud of herself, though, and that she has proven herself with her wins. “I didn’t need anybody else to help me. I think it showed I was a better competitor than I was playing off to be. I hope that you guys see that.” She adds that nothing was ever personal. Whoa, nice thighs!

Natalie then starts off by saying that she didn’t need to win competitions, and that Jeff putting her up with the coup d’etat proved that she was really playing the game. She also repeats how she never betrayed her alliance, and that she proved that by giving Ronnie a vote even when she knew he was going to be evicted.

Voting now starts with Jessie, and they all insert their keys with a final statement. Jessie just babbles “hakua matata” (I thought it was "coup d'etat"), and Lydia says to Jordan that she “loves a good blonde”. Russell says that he voted for the person played the best game, while Jeff tells Jordan that he’s very proud of her. Michelle says she’s voting for “the strongest female in this game”, and Kevin says he wanted to vote for “who was cuter, but you’re both cute so it’s strictly strategic”. Julie then announces that the seventh jury member is “America”, and she locks in “our” vote.

Before we get to the votes, though, we get a segment with Braden, Laura’s tatas, Ronnie, and Casey. After another lengthy clip package, they’re all introduced. Julie begins with asking Ronnie what surprised him the most, and he babbles about how he bows down to Natalie’s feet for her great lying. He tells Jordan that Natalie has lied to her more than he ever could. “Shut up!” He spills the beans on her age, and we hear Kevin yell “I knew it!” He then says that he’s made at Natalie for him being the only person in their alliance that wasn’t informed of the lie. “Week two would have been different if I had known I was the odd man out.”

Julie moves on to Casey, and he’s asked about the biggest mistake in the game. He says that it was Jeff believing Natalie and Kevin’s lie, and the “last minute lie” clip is then showed. Jeff is asked for his response, and Kevin looks nervous before Jeff tells him to relax. He claims that he’s not mad at either of them.

We move on to asking Braden about what surprised him the most, and he asks Jessie how he’s such a big pimp in the house. “You got all the girls in your bed. I’m taking notes all day.” Jessie says he was just trying to play the game “like Kevin”, but it was Kevin who could pull it off. Wait, no questions for Laura? Hmmmmm.

Oh wait, we get more chatter from the former HG’s. Laura’s tatas are asked about Chima, but she starts by applauding Jordan. Laura says that as a big fan of the show, she was “hurt” by Chima’s actions. “There are thousands of people out there in America that would have killed to still be in the house.” She adds that she felt bad for Kevin, Lydia, and Natalie as they lost an ally. Kevin says that he agrees with Laura.

Julie then asks about all the nasty stuff said about each other in the house, and we then see Ronnie’s infamous eviction of Michelle. She says that she knows Ronnie doesn’t really believe that to be the case, and that she really doesn’t know what she did to offend Ronnie. He apologizes, and says it was about a disagreement they had earlier that day…and that it was strategy to throw the rest of the house out.

Jessie is then asked about his relationship with Lydia, and his claim that it was platonic. We then see clips of their action under the covers, and Julie then reads the Webster’s definition of “platonic”. “Would you still say your relationship was platonic?” He doesn’t answer, of course, and Lydia is asked if this romance continued in the house. She also doesn’t answer, and Julie responds, “silence is golden, and also says a lot”. Good one! Julie notes that Russell looks shocked, and he had no clue this was going on.

Of course, we have to conclude with a question about Jeff and Jordan’s relationship. “We’ll see if she wins or not”, he replies to lots of laughter. Julie presses, and he says “we’ll see what happens outside of the house.” Jordan is asked for a response, and she just says that she agrees. Milking it a bit more, Julie asks the audience if Jordan should get to go to Hawaii with Jeff, but he just says she’s on the “short list”. Hahahaha!

It’s now time to pull the keys and FINALLY see who won this year’s game. America’s key is pulled first, and we voted for Jordan. Wow, Jessie voted for Jordan!!! We know Lydia also voted for Jordan. Russell voted for Natalie, though, but Jeff, of course, voted for Jordan! Jordan has won Big Brother!!!

Jordan is greeted by her family as she comes out, but we Jeff gets lost in the shuffle. The last two votes are shown, and Michelle voted for Jordan and Kevin voted for Natalie. Jordan says that she’s going to use the money to put a down payment on a house for her mother, and some help for her aunt. “Maybe a new car.” America’s Favorite Houseguest’s prize goes to Jeff. No surprise there.

And that’s it for the season. Thanks for following the show at our silly little site!

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 28 Recap

It’s hard to believe that we’re almost finished with the eleventh season of Big Brother. It seems like just a few days ago that people such as Chima, Ronnie, Casey, and Laura’s gigantic breasts first appeared on our televisions screens.

We’re now down to the final three, and I must admit that I’m ready for the season to end. Not that there hasn’t been some entertainment this season. We’ve had a steady stream of live evictions that were memorable and unpredictable. Even the Tuesday episodes, traditionally the trash bin of silly filler, have had enough material to allow producers to edit them into precise stories that outshine the typical CSI garbage that fills their lineup.

Yet, it’s time to put the show to rest, as the finalists may be the most boring in the show’s history. Yeah, Kevin gives good diary room commentary, and Jordan’s naivety is good for a laugh or two. As for Natalie…um, I can’t think of anything entertaining about her. Sorry, Gnat fans.

But the last few days have been snooze fests on the feeds. Jordan sits outside and tries to memorize the alphabet, Kevin worries about which hoody matches his nerd shirt, and Natalie pats herself on the back for being the most loyal, honest person in the world. I don’t know how anybody can sit through more than a few minutes of this drivel.

At least tonight, CBS is keeping us in the dark as to what’s going to happen. We know that we’ll see tape of Tuesday’s round of the final HOH competition, and we’re supposed to also see round two. Other then that, we have no clue. There are rumors the last expulsion won’t happen until the finale, or that we may actually have a live show on Sunday (I doubt that one, though, since it’s the first NFL Sunday). It will be interesting to see just what CBS has planned for us tonight.

So let’s get started. Oooh, all three are officially lasting until finale night. Interesting. But after that announcement, Julie takes us to where we left off last Tuesday with Natalie, Jordan, and Kevin perched on a giant, rolling log.

This is not exactly exciting material. They’re all shocked by the introduction of the “elements”, and they all babble about how it’s so important they win. Natalie thanks Kevin for sticking to his word, and they flash back to Michelle’s eviction. Kevin goes on about how it was such a “huuuuuuuuuuge” decision. Um, sure. For the second time in two minutes, we hear Jordan babble about how she’s alone in the house. Natalie gloats, but the other two sort of ignore her. “Evil is gone.” Ugh.

Back to the competition, and Natalie is still babbling about Michelle. She needles Jordan about how Michelle can now hang out with Jeff, but Jordan says it doesn’t faze her. “You’re a little instigator.”

The log stops, and the rain begins. We hear Kevin complain again about the cold. Enough. Oooooh, Natalie almost falls, but swings around on her rope and saves herself. Jordan now whines about the “wind”…and then the “real” snow. “Can you torture me anymore?”

After three hours, Natalie starts egging the others to drop. Kevin says that he’s going until the sun rises, but Natalie counters he might as well just drop. She then whispers to Jordan that Kevin’s hand is starting to shake, and that if Jordan falls she’ll drop five minutes later. Natalie adds in the diary room that she’s just playing with Jordan to make her take her if she miraculously wins HOH.

Jordan complains that she’s cold, and Kevin sees that as an opportunity. He tells her to shiver so that she’ll warm up, knowing that it would distract here enough to drop. Sure enough, she falls. “I sort of zoned out because it went forward. I’d say it was a five hundred thousand dollar mistake.” Natalie and Kevin smiled at each other, knowing that their plan is working.

After a bit more self-congratulatory babbling, bickering, and a promise to take her to the finals (as they had promised a few days before), Natalie finally drops. This despite the fact that Kevin says in the diary room that his word means nothing in this house. “I hope this move pays off for me in the end”, says Natalie right before they show her jump. Thank God that’s over.

When we return from commercials, it’s time for Julie to chat with the final three. She informs them that all three of them will make it to finale night. They all yell “what?” over and over. Tonight will be part two of the HOH competition, and part three will be on finale night. The jury questioning will then happen immediately before the vote.

Now it’s time for Jeff to enter the jury house. They all hope that it’s Jeff coming in, and that they hope Kevin survives. Russell asks how he’ll handle Natalie if she’s evicted, and he babbles about how he’ll treat her respect. Ugh. Lydia explains that Natalie has a lot of explaining to do. Oh Lord.

Russell again says he hopes that it’s Jeff coming in, and they all jump for joy to see that it is indeed Jeff. Jeff says coming into the jury house was “nerve wracking”, and Lydia is happy to hear that Kevin backstabbed him. Russell says it’s “validation” that Jeff got burned by Kevin. Jessie can’t wait to inform Jeff that Natalie is 24, and surprisingly they all agree that she has survived by riding on everybody’s coattails.

They then watch the video as Lydia continues on needling Jeff. Jessie notes that Natalie “doesn’t even try”, and Lydia babbles more about how she doesn’t like her. Jeff says he thinks Jordan and Michelle will be the final two. Oh Lord, Jeff.

After commercials, Julie interviews “four of the best players in Big Brother history”. Hmmm, I don’t know if I agree with that assessment, but it is nice to see Janelle, Danielle, and Dick. I could live without Mike Boogie, but whatever. Dick is asked what he did with his prize money, and he says he’s “still playing with it”. Boogie “treated” himself to a Bentley, and kisses Julie’s ass with a baby gift.

They move on to game play. Danielle says that Natalie has played the best game because she “has lied really well”, and “gotten Kevin to do her dirty work”. Janelle says the worst move of the season was Jeff getting rid of Russell. Boogie says the best move of the game was Jeff got rid of Jessie, and Natalie and Kevin’s lie to get rid of Russell. Dick agrees with this.

They move on to Chima, and Boogie agrees that she should have been kicked out but says that people should give her a break because being in the house is very stressful. Dick says she lost sight of the end goal when she lost her mind. He’s clearly not a fan of this year’s final three.

Julie asks who they think is going to win - Boogie, Dick, and Janelle all say it will be Kevin. Danielle babbles about how women can only win if they’re sitting next to each other in the finals. I don’t know if I buy that. Wow, that segment wasn’t as entertaining as I thought it would be.

We move on to part two of the final HOH competition between Jordan and Natalie. The game is called “Heads Will Roll”, and the goal is to put balls with the HOH’s name on them in the correct order. Poor Jordan is not going to do well in this.

Natalie starts by getting all of the balls out. Oh wait, not all of them. She starts rolling them up, but is struggling. She ends the two minutes with five correct answers. I‘m surprised she didn‘t do better, but I predict that Jordan only gets two.

Too bad we have to sit through one more commercial break to get to Jordan’s turn. How is a girl who can’t remember what she had for breakfast possibly remember the order of HOH’s? She also grabs a handful of different balls first, and starts rolling them in, but spends too much time watching the balls instead of grabbing more. At the one minute mark, she does have four, and ties Natalie with five. OMG, she just beat her!!! Wow, she got nine out of ten!!! I can’t wait to see Natalie’s reaction.

Ah, Julie just confirmed that America will be the tie-breaking vote thanks to Chima’s departure from the game. Too bad that they’re making this as confusing as possible, as there are different numerical choices based on who makes the final two.

Kevin appears to be the most nervous to find out who won this round, and is shocked to discover that Jordan won! Jordan’s reaction? “I’m sweating.” She says she’s up for the challenge, and Natalie babbles that she should have won because she knows “everything” that has happened in the house. Yep, make it about yourself, you twit.

And that’s it for tonight!

One final note. I’m not going to bother recapping Sunday’s clip show, as they’re always basically unwatchable. So I’ll see you on Tuesday to see who wins a half million bucks!

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 27 Recap

Here we are hitting the home stretch of the eleventh season of Big Brother. Tonight will be an action-packed episode, with a POV competition, a POV ceremony, an eviction, and the beginning of the first part of the three-part HOH competition. The best part about a busy episode, though, is that there’s absolutely no time for silliness such as Natalie’s irrational fear of bugs or Jordan stumbling over simple words. Well, there will probably still be a bit of the silicone babe’s ongoing battle with the English language.

As you may expect, we commence where we left off last Sunday with Natalie’s nominations of Michelle and Kevin. Despite the weight the producers put on the Queen’s dramatic decision to put up her pal Kevin, this is the one week of the season where nominations mean nothing. It’s all about the veto, people! (BTW, once again nice editing to make it look like Kevin really was willing to work with Michelle.)

That doesn’t stop the production crew from forcing the contestants to comment on the situation, of course. Natalie states the obvious about how her target is Michelle, and nominating Kevin is just a ploy. Michelle doesn’t understand Natalie’s (heavily edited) show in the meeting, but all she cares about is that she’s once again nominated. Kevin says he’s in on her ruse, but claims that he’s also looking for a way to get her out.

We see Kevin and Natalie pretend to argue about the nomination in front of Jordan, babbling about how he knows they only had a final five deal. “If you’re not going to act weird, I’m not going to act weird.” Jordan seems to be falling for it, but does say “maybe it’s too good to be true”. Kevin sits next to her, and comments on how weird it is.

Natalie heads upstairs, and says to herself that “I think it went good. Good job, Natalie.” Ugh. She’s now seen sitting in the hot tub with Jordan talking about the other two. Natalie says that she “needs to cover all angles”, and that she needs to be convinced that Michelle needs to go. Natalie drops her fake character for a second, and says Kevin also wants Michelle gone. She adds that Michelle also tried to evict Jordan. For once, Jordan shows some smarts. “I think it’s a little weird how Natalie was talking about Kevin being her main target, and then all of a sudden telling me that it’s Michelle that needs to go.” She says she’s going to live by Jeff’s advice to stick with Michelle.

It’s now late at night, and in the dark Jordan and Michelle are talking about how they need to win POV. Michelle says she knows she can trust Jordan, and if she wins the veto she needs to keep the nominations the same and evict Kevin. They both pledge to help each other to make final three.

Kevin and Natalie, meanwhile, are talking about how they both believe that Jordan is falling for their act, and will indeed help them get rid of Michelle. Kevin complains how the odds aren’t exactly in his favor, and Natalie asks if he’s mad she took the Pandora’s Box deal. “It just sucks that the price was to flip the odds.” Natalie jokes that Jordan only counts as a half player, and that if he was in her position he would have done the same thing. “Everybody would have opened the box.”

After commercials, it’s time for the POV competition. As they walk outside, they all babble how this is a “do or die” situation. The contest is a “block party”, and there’s two stations with things that happened in the house. They have to pile blocks with the other house guests names in the correct order, and the person with the best time wins.

Both Kevin and Jordan are confused by the first block…especially Jordan. Michelle’s strategy was to first lay the blocks on the ground, but she has problems finding blocks with the first two answers. Okay, Kevin’s commentary is officially bugging me.

AS the other proceed through the game, Jordan is still stuck on the first question. Michelle, though, was just stacking with no thought about what’s correct, while Kevin discovers that he has one that’s incorrect. Both he and Michelle basically have to start over…while Jordan is still clueless. Poor girl.

Kevin kicks it into gear, and Michelle claims that she’s getting nervous because she has no idea how the others are doing. It looks like Michelle and Kevin are close, but Michelle has one incorrect answer as Kevin buzzes with the completed answers. Kevin and Natalie are now assured final three, and Michelle knows that this means she’s probably going home. Jordan is also bummed that her destiny is now in Kevin’s hands. Kevin’s overwhelmed with how much he now has to think about. Ugh.

We now move to the live show, and Julie’s interview with the house. She asks Kevin about holding all the power in the house, and he says he’s been losing sleep because of all the stress over this decision. Sure you have. Jordan is then asked how the house has been without Jeff. She says it’s really hard, especially at night when it’s so boring. “I’m sure he misses you, too”, Julie tells her.

Natalie is then asked how tough it was to decide whether to open Pandora’s Box. “It wasn’t too hard at all”, she responds. Yeah, of course, since you had NOTHING to lose. Michelle doesn’t look to interested as Natalie goes on about the situation. We then see the silliness of the visitors who bothered the rest of the house while Natalie was being wined and dined by her boyfriend. Michelle is asked which visitor she hated the most, and she says it was the baby.

After another commercial break, it’s now Kevin’s time to take himself off the block. Oh wait, we have more taped material. It’s right after the veto competition, and Natalie hears Jordan talking about her failure at the game. She asks who won, and after Kevin says it was him she leaps back into the HOH. After babbling about how this is the “best case scenario”, she brings him a bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and a light bulb flashes in Michelle’s big brain. She now knows they’ve been together this whole time. “They’ve just duped me.“ Duh!

Jordan walks away, followed quickly by Michelle. They both have a nice little cry about how they were duped. Meanwhile, Natalie and Kevin jump for joy in the HOH. “Kevin, we’re going for final two.” Natalie babbles about how she’s going to take “all the blood” for getting rid of Michelle. Kevin, though, has to add some doubt to this final two plan in the diary room. Yeah, like we believe you.

Kevin and Natalie go back and forth a bit about how they’ve never broken their word, and although he rolls her eyes when she promises him “on her engagement”, they declare themselves final two.

He still puts up the charade, though, when Michelle asks about them duping her. He babbles about their final five deal that has expired, and Michelle uses the opportunity to attempt to make a deal with him. “I’m not playing for second”, he says.

Now we see Jordan and Natalie in the hot tub, and Jordan says that she really feels like she’s going home. Natalie again reassures her that this is not the case. “Just trust me; I’m not supposed to tell you anything, because Kevin wants to do it, but trust me when I say you’re not going home.”

Ugh, enough of this. Michelle is now once again trying to work on Kevin, and now she promises her jury vote if she stays one more week. “I know if you go against Natalie, you’re going to need all the votes you can get.” Michelle points out that Jordan hasn’t campaigned to Kevin, and he says she really should. In the diary room, Kevin again plays the game and says he’s actually contemplating such a move.

Oh god, we now go to Julie’s interview with Natalie. The first question is about all the lies and deals Natalie has told, and Natalie says that she has never gone against Kevin. She follows up with the lie about her real age, and whether it has helped or hurt her. Natalie claims that it has tremendously helped because the others have thought that she’s a “young, naïve, even immature, not too smart person”. Hmmm, wait until you hear what the jury thinks of this lie.

It’s now eviction time, and obviously Kevin takes himself off the block. Jordan then stands for her final plea, and as usual doesn’t really say anything except that he had already told her that she was safe. Michelle then puts on her devil horns, and babbles that if she was taken to the final two he would be guaranteed the prize money because “I’ve burned so many of the jury members I don’t stand a chance”. She says the decision is whether she can “raise hell against you in the jury house, or raise hell together with you in the final HOH contests”.

Kevin then stands, and, as expected, evicts Michelle. After the meaningless time where they all watch her picture turn grey, Julie begins the interview by asking why Kevin kept Jordan over her. She says that he believes the jury will vote for her in the end, but she really doesn’t know what the jury is thinking. Julie follows up about Jeff’s decision to evict Russell. She says that it was a game changing decision, and that it was the beginning of the end.

This week we do get goodbye messages, and Natalie starts by saying how she has always wanted to see her leave. Kevin hopes that she’s not upset with her (nice jury vote ploy), and Jordan adds that she’s going to “really, really miss you”. Julie finished up by asking why so many people had such strong opinions against her, but Michelle’s response really doesn’t make enough sense to repeat here.

With Michelle’s departure, it’s time for the beginning of the first part of the final HOH. As expected, it’s an endurance contest (“Log Jam”) where they all are standing on a giant rolling log hanging onto their key. As the show leaves, the predictable addition of "rain" is added to the game.

How exciting. See you Thursday to see who is the last person (Jordan) evicted.

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 26 Recap

When we left Big Brother this past Thursday, Natalie had pulled out a come from behind victory to be the next head of household. Will we see a new subdued, thankful, thoughtful, freshly showered version of the little “Sparky”? Or will the scheming, taunting, and lying be turned up a notch? I think we know the answer to those questions, and for that reason along this hour is going to be a chore.

Not only do we have the reign of Queen Gnat, we’re also going to endure another segment (or two) involving Pandora’s Box. Yeah, that worked so well the first time, even with CBS’ selective editing and commentary from Kevin that “proved” the power of greed. Come on, it proved nothing except that Natalie can find an excuse for any action.

So let’s get started with the aftermath of the Queen’s victory. Oh wait, we’re commencing with Jeff’s eviction. Natalie babbles that she’s been waiting for this opportunity to avenge Jeff’s eviction of her BFF Jessie, and his leaving “felt great”. Jordan, obviously, is in tears and wishes it had been her that had been evicted because he would have done better in the rest of the game. “I’m all alone now, and it sucks.”

We see Kevin’s last second little dig at Jeff as he walks out, but we get no comment. Hmmmm. Oh wait, he’s now telling everybody that if he had “approached me for a vote, I probably would have kept him”. Um, whatever. Natalie really is rubbing off on you. Michelle complains in the diary room that with Jeff gone she “has a huge target on my back because I’m the strongest competitor in this game. I have to win this HOH, or I’m’ pretty sure I’m leaving.” Well, actually you have to win the POV, but that’s another story.

Ok, now we move on to Natalie winning HOH. We don’t hear her babbling about how she did it for Chima, but she’s going on about how she “did it by sticking to my word”. What? Explain this one to me, my dear. “This is the one competition I went in saying there’s no more acting that I’m a weak competitor. I have to make a name for myself in this game.” Um, ok, but that still doesn’t explain how you won a true/false game by sticking to your word.

(Time for a rant here. I can understand the “this is for Chima” garbage if Natalie had won HOH the week after she was booted, but this is FIVE weeks later! How can Chima possibly had waited to inspire her until the week she already had a 33 1/3% shot of winning (or really, 50%, since Jordan doesn’t really count).)

Kevin is not amused by Natalie’s antics. “Natalie celebrates like she won this eight-hour endurance competition. She acts like she’s a strong competitor, but she really hasn’t won anything in this game. This one she lucked out.” He just cares that he’s safe this week, but Michelle is bummed that she “lost to an 18 year-old”. Jordan is also pissed as we continue to see Natalie celebrate.

Natalie is alone with Kevin, and pledges that since he was a part of her still being in the house that they definitely have a final two deal. Kevin’s still not so sure about her, though. “:You’re going to try 100% in the veto, right?” Natalie confirms that she is, mainly because she wants Michelle gone this week. “If we win the veto, we go to the final two.”

Jordan is now laying down, depressed that not only is Jeff gone but Natalie is the new HOH. “Right now, all I want to do is keep my distance from everyone…I don’t want to be a part of any scheming. I just want to be left alone.”

Kevin and Natalie are now seen in the “have” room, and Kevin notes that Jordan is at the very least “hanging in there”. She was, after all, in the lead the majority of the HOH game, as Natalie notes. For some reason, Natalie decides that’s the time to inform Kevin that he’ll be going up. Kevin’s not happy, but this is again a forced dialogue from Kevin, as it only matters who wins POV this week. Nominations are just a formality. But Natalie insists that she’s going to inform Jordan that she’s not really with Kevin. “My goal is to throw the other house guests off, and nominate Kevin for eviction…I’m putting him on the block just as a ploy.” Really, this is unnecessary, but it is funny how Kevin says Natalie already has “HOH-it is”.

And now time for my least favored segment of the week - the unveiling of the HOH room. For some reason, Natalie is in a bikini as she brings everybody upstairs. Yes, this is even more nauseating as usual, as Natalie goes on and on about the blanket her boyfriend sent her.

We’re now back downstairs, and Natalie says she’s going to tell Jordan and Michelle “anything they want to hear”. She then informs them that she is indeed putting up Kevin. “He’s my friend, and I’m going to hang out with him every day…Kevin is a strong, fierce competitor, and if he goes to the finals he will win.” Again, this is nonsensical nothingness, although Michelle has a valid point when she says she has no friends in the jury house. Seriously, these people should consider that fact.

After commercials, Natalie comes out of the diary room with news about a luxury competition. Ugh, more nothingness. Natalie and Kevin pair up for one team, with Jordan and Michelle obviously the other. They head outside in their bikinis to two pseudo-boutiques. Each team has to match five outfits within five minutes, and whatever time is remaining they get to use to pick out clothes for themselves back inside. Time to fast forward, especially when Kevin attacks a dummy to nab an outfit. “This is like a dream-a come true.” Ugh.

With that segment thankfully over, it’s time for Michelle and Kevin to chatter. Kevin claims in the diary room that he needs to think about possibly making a deal with her for final two. Yeah, right. Let me guess that they don’t show Kevin running to Natalie with everything she said. Or the conversation they had previously when they hatched this plan. Yep, I’m right. They don’t. Kevin claims in the diary room that at this point in the game, he’ll do anything to make the finals. Are they just reading scripts in there?

Jordan is now in the pool, complaining that how the game is so stressful to Natalie, who is completely lying about how she’s alone in the game. “I think the only way we have a only shot is if we’re together.“ Again, we don’t see the before and after.

Natalie then heads upstairs, and yes, it’s time for the awful Pandora’s Box segment. She opens the card, which says that releasing the door could result in something good or bad. Please make it bad! Uh Oh! It turns out Natalie’s elaborate story may be correct, as the card says that for the first time somebody may have an opportunity to spend time “with a loved one inside the Big brother House”. She’s asked to look at the screen, and indeed it is her boyfriend. “I will do anything I have to do.”

She then opens a second envelope, which says there’s a price for meeting with her boyfriend. By choosing it, she can’t compete in the next POV competition. WTF? That’s no price. She’s already guaranteed to make the finals. She doesn’t care who actually wins!

Natalie pretends to contemplate the decision, but it’s obvious what she chose. Instead of the 20 minutes she said, though, they got five minutes. And he really did propose to her! Obviously, she says yes, but with ZERO emotion. In fact, she immediately informs him that she “gave up a lot” to meet him. No, you didn’t. The boyfriend tells a boring story about how his father gave his mother a twisty ring when they got engaged. Worst proposal ever!

Oh wait, they did get twenty minutes, as another card says that in exchange for annoying the house she can get an additional fifteen minutes. Well, we know what Natalie chose. More people then come out of the diary room to harass Michelle, Kevin, and Jordan. Jesus, CBS, couldn’t you come up with something worth watching? Natalie claims that the proposal will give her the incentive to win the game. More fast-forwarding.

Everybody heads up to the HOH, and Natalie claims that she “just got screwed royally”. She informs them that she can’t play in the POV because she opened the Pandora’s Box. Natalie says that she didn’t want Kevin to know that she gave up this shot in exchange for time with her boyfriend, so she made up a “little fib”. She babbles a bit about a “final two reversal”, and that if she made it to the finals the votes would be reversed. Kevin immediately knows she’s lying. “So you cannot win Big Brother!” Hahaha, “no wench, please”, he says in the diary room.

When we return from commercials, everybody but Natalie is discussing her bullshit story. Their theories are almost as ridiculous. Natalie comes outside, and Kevin asks her to “break it down”. She pretends to not know what he’s talking about, and requests that nobody ask her any more questions about the Pandora’s Box. Kevin gets up and walks away, and Natalie quickly follows him.

Kevin says he has to get to the bottom of this, and tells her that this doesn’t make any sense. “We all know (you), and if (you) just lost $500,000, you’d be breaking windows. It’s just not adding up.” Natalie admits in the diary room that Kevin’s making sense, so she has to “come clean”.

She then heads back downstairs, and proclaims “y’all just got got by an 18 year-old”. Um, ok. “I know you all believed me, right?” Everybody shakes their head no. Hahahah! She then tells the story of the proposal, but at this point they don’t believe a story that incredulous. “Where do you think I got the twist tie”, she asks. “Right over here”, Kevin responds. She still wants affirmation that she got everybody, but nobody believed the first story, let alone this story. Natalie, though, believes that she saved herself from being in “hot water”. Luckily, we only got the two-minute version of this story, instead of the hours and hours we heard on the feeds.

Thankfully, it’s time for nominations. Michelle says she knows she’s going up, and Jordan doesn’t really believe that Natalie is being honest with her that she’s NOT going up. Kevin is still upset that he’s going up, but isn’t sure that Natalie will follow through with it. Natalie claims that she’s hiding her allegiences and loyalties. Um, yeah.

After bringing everybody in, Natalie shows up in a dumb costume of a bathrobe, sunglasses, a cane, and a crown. Ugh. She has one key to pull, and it belongs to Jordan. She says she nominated Kevin because “you say that the big brother game is like a game of chess. Well, Kevin, I just thought three moves in advance, and you just got duped…I‘m going to try to beat you to the punch and get you out before you get me out.” Oh please, do the other two possibly believe this bullshit.

Moving on to Michelle, Natalie says she was nominated “strictly for personal reasons. I feel you are a backstabber and a liar. You tried to make a deal with me last week, and said if I was to vote to keep Jeff in this house you’d guarantee me in the final three. Michelle, if I make a deal with you, then I’m making a deal with the devil.” Oh Lord.

As the end credits begin, Natalie says she’s “playing the house like a fiddle”, and that Michelle is her true target. Yes, she is, and the whole house knows this! Kevin adds that he’s frustrated with Natalie, and Michelle babbles that “now the devil won‘t be taking you to the final two.”

See you Tuesday for the next eviction!