Big Brother Gossip Search
Recent Posts
Navigation
Get The Live Feeds

Click for FREE 2 Day Trial
Big Brother Gossip Show

I now have a website set up where you can go to hear current and old episodes of the Big Brother Gossip podcast.  Please go to BigBrotherPodcast.com!

 

The Season's Authors

Click for their posts.

Ash

IndyMike

Scott

Target John

Twitter Feeds

Syndication Links

Entries in Episode Recap (116)

Sunday
Jul152012

Big Brother #14, Episode 2 Recap

So this past Thursday we were reacquainted with four so-called “legends” and twelve newbies, one of which left before we even had a chance to say hello. Did we really learn anything about any of these people, though? Sixteen people spread over 42 minutes of actual broadcast time really doesn’t give us much to work with except for the fact that Willie Hantz is related to some Survivor goon. Apparently, that’s like a Beatle entering the house, but since I don’t watch that show it was a waste of precious screen time for the rest of the cast.

Tonight, we’ll hopefully get to learn a bit more about this “ragged company”. (Ten points to anybody who catches that lyrical gem.) Is there a personality to be found in this house? Are Joe’s eyes as frightening as they appear? Most importantly to some of my friends, is Ian every bit the superfan’s hopes we’ve been made to believe? (I vote no.)

And…here we go! Oh Lord, they go over the top in their descriptions of the noobs AND “legends”. Of course, we have to recap the Hantz bullshit. ENOUGH!!! Two minutes in, and I’m already annoyed!

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Now we have to spend MORE time recapping Jodi’s eviction! Dan claims he kicked out Jodi because his other two team members, Daniele and Kara, get along. Interesting, and kind of makes sense.

With Jodi gone, everybody disperses, and Boogie tries to make a joke. Tries is the key word. Yes, Wil, we know the “game has begun”. Daniele and Kara hug, and Kara says they immediately hit if off. Daniele adds something in the diary room, but I can’t figure out a word she says.

Boogie doesn’t waste any time, and he goes to Dan and asks him if he’s “ready to Will it up”. I have a feeling it’s going to be like Will is indeed in the house this season, as Boogie’s entire Big Brother life exists because of Dr. Will. BTW, CBS, quit attempting to create trending topics. It’s boring and inept.

Meanwhile, Janelle tells Britney that the boys are working together, and because they’ve both been played they should work the “Girl Power” angle to get rid of Dan. “They thrive on chaos.”

HOH room reveal – I’ll skip ahead. Nothing to see here that’s any way interesting.

Ok, now Ian is in his boxers reveling in being in the house. He claims he’s going to investigate every inch of the house. Upstairs, the coaches and Willie watch him as he goofs around the house. Britney wonders if he remembers he’s on live streams, and they completely lose it when Ian crawls under a couch. “So weird!”

Now it’s Britney’s turn to make some deals. She has a bunch of people in the HOH, and she tells Willie that in the first week everybody will vote what the HOH wants. Oh really? If her team and Janelle’s team vote as a block, they’ll get out the person they want. Janelle claims that Dan’s fave player of all time is Boogie, so “of course, those two will work together”.  Willie adds that he’s going to be a big target because they believe he’s Russell’s brother…which he then admits to those in the room that is true.

Finally, the deal is supposedly made. My Lord, that took forever.

Oh wait, there’s more, as Janelle brings in the rest of her team to repeat the same plan. Cue Billy Preson’s “Will It Go Round in Circles”! Oh God, Joe is clearly the guy who will speak in the diary room in a way he NEVER speaks in the house. Make it stop!

After the first commercial break, everybody is hanging out outside, and Willie decides to try to get more people into his alliance. He brings Frank up into the HOH, who informs Willie that he has had no strategy conversations with his coach, Boogie. Willie thinks the two of them are similar, and he wants a deal that he won’t put him up next week, no matter what Boogie advises. “I’m here to play my game. I’m not here to play Boogie’s game.” Willie claims to be sold.

Ian is now seen walking into a room of people listening to Janelle babble about her baby. He’s clearly not comfortable, and Janelle calls him a “creeper…he has this weird thing where he can’t stop moving”. We see a montage of most of the girls (and Wil) making similar comments. Oh Lord, he even streaks.

Now Boogie and Frank are talking early one morning, and Boogie asks if he’s worried about being nominated. Frank claims on a scale of 1-10 he’s only at a one. Boogie says he’s impressed because Frank has reached out to Willie. Actually, it pains me to say this but Boogie actually makes sense.

The house is then brought into the living room for a Julie Chen announcement that there is a coach’s competition to save one of their player’s from nomination for the week. Britney knows she’s in trouble as she has the “strength of a three year-old”. This competition also will determine the week’s have-nots.

This competition is described by Ashleigh as “like Preakness…” and I can’t understand another word she says. The coaches come out with outfits that include stuffed horses, and each round has two coaches competing. They have to chase each other on a slippery surface and yank the tail from the other. Boogie and Britney are up first, and (FINALLY) Boogie catches up to Britney for the win.

Dan has all kinds of trouble in his round, although he claims to be throwing it, and Janelle easily beats him. Boogie versus Janelle for the final round! Oh yeah, this is revenge for season seven! Um, no. Le’ts not be silly. Janelle is indeed a beast in this comp, but eventually Boogie catches up and wins because, of course, he “wanted it more” (one of my least fave clichés ever).

Mike then gets to pick a person to be safe for the week, and after babbling for quite some time he chooses Ian. Boogie’s reasoning is because his weirdness has made people uncomfortable, while Jenn has stepped up her social game and Frank is “the most popular guy in the house”.

All of the coaches must now make a have-not pick, which doesn’t make them happy. Britney chooses Shane, Dan goes for Daniele, Janelle chooses Ashley, and Boogie’s pick is Ian. Now I must beg CBS to stop Joe from his asinine diary room scripts! The segment ends with the house being shown the slop and horrific have-not beds.

Janelle and Britney are now seen in the HOH, and Willie is asked if Dan has talked to them at all. Willie says that making Ian safe is screwing up his plans. They scheme about who Dan and Boogie don’t want to lose the most from their teams, and Kara and Frank’s names come up. Both girls think he’s the “biggest player” and “most dangerous” in the house, but unfortunately that goes against Willie’s deal with him.

Dan and Boogie are now shown discussing the female coaches, and Boogie thinks that Janelle is a bit “better” than Britney. After mentioning how “young and naïve” some of these people are, Dan asks who he would sacrifice from his team. “Jenn.” He adds that Frank should be a target but doesn’t think the others are smart enough to figure that out. Dan asks if the other girls are jealous of Kara, but Boogie thinks she’s nice enough and not bitchy enough to really cause any friction. Of course, Britney and Janelle are not up to the mental level of himself.

Filler time, as Joe is cooking a huge dinner for the house. Unfortunately, he’s also using up most of the food in the house. Boogie wonders if maybe he’s an expendable person, so he goes in to talk to Willie, who claims he has no idea who he is going to nominate. Boogie says all “chefs” are hotheads and crazy, which is an interesting theory. On second thought, Boogie is correct. Boogie advises him to pick somebody off and then blend back into the crowd. Cocky Boogie believes he planted the needed seed.

Finally, we get to the nominations and NOTHING has changed from the template of the last ten years. Willy reads the script, a handful of people say they’re nervous, and we get shots of keys. The house is called in, and keys are pulled by (in order) Jojo, Shane, Wil, Daniele, Ashley, Jenn, and Joe. Yes, Kara and Frank are nominated.

Boogie is shocked! Willie says this has been a tough decision, but he had never talked to Kara and somehow it “got weird” between him and Frank (which, of course, was never shown in this episode).

Frank is “completely flabbergasted” because Willie is the one that came to him, and so he’s going to do everything he can to stay. Kara thinks that having Dan as his coach is hurting his chances, while Britney calls this a “successful first week in coaching”. Boogie has now figured out that Janelle is definitely with Britney, and anybody that goes after Boogie has “a little trouble coming your way”. Oh please.

That’s it for tonight. What did you think of the first real look at the cast? Has anybody surprised you, for the better or worse? Let us know your thoughts!

Thursday
Jul122012

Big Brother #14, Episode 1 Recap

It's here! The night we've been waiting for all summer. Or as WWE's The Rock would say, "finally, Biiiiiiiiiiig Brother has come BACK to our television!!!!"

Over the last few weeks, those of us who live and breath this show have dealt with rumors, innuendo, leaks, predictions, undue personal attacks (and a few deserved), lies, and lying liars. Some stories have already be proven true, along with a TON that are as silly as the person who created them. (BTW, good work on the handful of people the created a firestorm of controversy with their claim they had a "live feed beta" last weekend.)

So what will we see tonight? Is this really the "biggest cast ever"? Will we be "shocked" by the promised four twists they're going to squeeze in this hour? Is there really going to be a new mom with a horrific twitter alter ego coming in, or a return of a infamous tart that I called out in admittedly poor taste as "Vegas whore" last weekend? (I predict "no" to the majority of these questions.)

Too bad I'm not able to watch this episode in my normal comfort zone of a nice soft couch, full-volume 5.1 sound, and surrounded by booze, smokes, poppers, and near-naked nymphs fetching me whatever I need. Nope, Chez Hudson is currently under construction, and the carpet installation has unfortunately coincided with tonight's broadcast. I'm old school tonight, watching an over-the-air broadcast with no DVR or rewind capabilities. And instead of comfort and barely-legal mental aids, I'm sitting on a pile of DVD boxes with no place to set down a drink. Forgive me if I'm not as complete or accurate with my quotes as in the past.

Enough with my problems! It's time to watch the show! And there she is - the Chenbot. Same boring delivery; same stiff movements. Wait, for of the "greatest of all time" are coming back. Then the supposedly confirmed rumors including Boogie and Britney just can't be true!!!

Unfortunately, we also have no change in how we "meet" the new houseguests. Yes, it's the awful, staged videos of them "receiving" their invites...complete with the cliches of how they're going to win, be the greatest player ever, how they're smarter than everybody, blah blah blah. Wait, Jodi just married a man with 5 kids? Craziness. all I learned is that JoJo is hot, the Survivor brother is a fucktard, the Playboy model isn't all that, and the spray tan chick is a moron.

With that segment thankfully over, they're all brought out together and Julie again reads the script from last year...or the year before...or whenever. Wil, Ashley, Jodi, and Frank get to enter first, and while I hate to keep hitting that same button it really is NO different than every other year.

Ian, Shane, Jen, and Danielle are then sent in, and it's a repeat performance marked only by Shane's dirty pits. Daniele says she's "never seen anybody" like Jen. The final four are sent in, although this is the group that we all thought was the first picture since CBS tweeted it earlier this week.

Ashley wants to babble about her life, but JoJo cares more about getting a bed. In face, she moves some bags away just to ensure she gets the bed of her choice. Champagne is poured, and they begin introducing themselves. Joe thinks Wil is one of the "prettiest chicks in the house". Oh boy. The Hantz boy introduces himself, and Ian already has figured out the Survivor connection. For some reason, though, Daniele thinks it is smarter to say that she is a kindergarten teacher rather than a nurse. Ashley tells her mobile spray tan story to dead silence, and for some reason she thinks Ian is her type. Really?

Frank says he's unemployed, but Jodi doesn't believe it. "I'm about 98% sure he's hiding some fact about what he does for a living." Kara admits she models, but says nothing about Playboy, and Ian is in love. "Kara might be the cutest girl ever in the history of hte planet Earth." Daniele, though, like Shane because a carpenter has "to be good with his hands". Yes, we found this year's cliche girl for the competition diary rooms voiceovers. Thankfully, it is commercial time.

When we return, Julie repeats the "memorable house guest" line, and we finally see that the "mentors" (or "coaches" as they call them). The first introduced is Dan, and he is excited to be able to combine his coaching and Big Brother skills this year.

Wait, I recognize that "bye bye bitches" soundbyte (we use it on the Big Brother Gossip Show), so that obviously means the second coach is Janelle. She claims to now be the "Real Housewife of Minnesota". Um, yeah.

Another BBGossip show soundbyte??? Yes, it's the "I lost my dignity on a slipper weiner" line from the love of my life, Britney! She makes fun of herself for letting those idiots play her in her season, but she says she's not as naive as last season.

Ugh, the fourth coach is Boogie. I have nothing to say here, except he's even more smarmy now than then...and that's saying something.

With the intros over, Julie now informs the noobs of the twist, but adds that the four supposedly great players are here to coach them. If one of their players wins, their coach wins $100,000.

As the noobs talk about coaching possibilities, Dan struts his way into the house to big cheers. He gives them his standard homecoming football game pregame speech, and they all huddle up afterwards. Knute Rockne, he isn't.

Britney enters net, but Frank isn't impressed that she could possibly be a coach. Boogie enters next, and Ian claims it's like "stepping into Yankee Stadium and playing with Alex Rodriguez". Really, Ian? Come on.

Finally, Janelle enters, and even Britney is happy as she's her "favorite player ever, ever, ever". Boogie reminds viewers that he evicted her in the All-Stars season, and is a bit worried she may enact revenge against him. God, I hope so.

Willie is sitting with Frank , and Dan comes over to tell him he looks like Russell from Survivor. Willie doesn't want people to figure this out, though, because Russell was known to be a jerk on his show. Dan says they look almost exactly the same, and Russell is worried that he's going to tell others. "He must be a good lookin' dude." Boogie and Janelle also have suspicions, and Boogie says there's no way he's going to pick him.

Julie calls everybody back to the couch, and explains that the reason they got invitations instead of keys is because they have to "earn" their key...and one is leaving that same night. Before we get to that, though, the coaches must pick their players.

Everybody is outside after the commercial break in some strange giant teddy bear bedroom setting, and Britney gets to choose first. She wants an athletic, sociable guy, and Shane is that guy. Boogie then picks Frank, partly because of his athleticism and also because of his hair. Janelle's first pick is Wil, partly because she wants "good schemers". Some things never change! Dan ends the first round by choosing Kara, which is surprising after his diatribe about wanting somebody "ruthless enough to stab a person in the back but nice enough that they'll make them like you while the knife is going in".

The second round sees the coach order reversed, and Dan goes with Daniele. Janelle adds Ashely to her team, and Willie can't figure out why he's being passed up. Boogie goes with Ian, who tells him he's a "legend". Britney finally picks Willie.

Again the order is reversed, and JoJo goes to Britney's team. Jen goes to Boogie's team, and Janelle gets Joe, Yes, poor Jodi is the last person standing, and Dan has no choice but to take the "steal of the draft".

The first HOH comp immediately begins, and it's a Summerlong Slumber Party. Everybody is dressed in pajamas, and they are playing as teams. The coach of the winning team gets to pick the first HOH, but the coach of the last place team has to evict one of their players.

As for the game, the players have to jump from bed to bed, and then grab a teddy bear to bring back to a "shelf". If a player falls, they have to go back to the end and start over. After some small talk, and more junk from Willie about his famous brother, the game commences.

These mattresses aren't static, though, as one moves back and forth, and another in circles. Every team has players that must start over, but Shane makes it back with the first bear. Wil follows with another, as does Frank. Dan's team, though, is having tons of problems, but Jodi is confident she can make it across. She nearly does, though, but has lots of trouble with the third one.

Ashley basically shows her camel toe, as her method is the "frogger" technique. Willie gets the second bear for Britney's team, and JoJo grabs the third bear. Ian grabs his team's second bear, and JoJo is too exhausted to continue making the jumps. Joe gets the second bear for Janelle's team as Britney gives JoJo a pep talk. At this point, three of the four teams (all but Dan's) are at the exact same point with the third bear as we head to a break.

When we return, all three are continuing to have problems. JoJo finally makes it across, though, and Shane leaps across to hit the buzzer. Britney's team wins!

The game isn't over, though, as Julie must remind the remaining players. Since it is the twenty minute mark, the coaches can now make substitutions, and Frank races across to get his teams' third bear. Wil does the same for Janelle's team, and ends up wtih second place as he beats Frank across to the buzzer.

With the game over, Britney must choose the HOH from her team, and she picks Willie. Yeah, this should make an interesting week. She says that he needs this free week to "wheel and deal to solidify his place in the house". As opposed to everybody else?

Unfortunately, Dan must evict somebody from the game, but obviously we have to head to a commercial before this occurs. We next see everybody back in the house, and Dan says his choice is between Jodi and Daniele. Jodi makes her case by saying she was a better failure at this competition than Daniele was. "I deserve to be here", she adds in the diary room. Really? Daniele is asked the same question, and she claims that Jodi will probably cause drama. Hmmm, I don't know where that comes from.

They all head back into the living room...and Dan gives a speech before giving the boot to Jodi. Daniele says she feels bad, and Ian says this is the most "cruel" thing he's ever seen on Big Brother. Willie adds that this is "his" game, and it's all about him. Yeah, we know.

So that's it this week. Same old stuff, really, with a couple of interesting twists. What are your thoughts on tonight's show? Do you like the coaching twist? Or the immediate eviction? Let us know your thoughts!

Wednesday
Sep142011

Big Brother Season 13 Finale

The day has finally arrived – tonight we crown the winner of Big Brother 13? Will it be Adam, the only male Tori Spelling fan in the world who somehow believes he’s an All-Star? Will it be Porsche, the owner of multiple sweat suits and whose deadpan one-liners anger the cat crowd who don’t comprehend the concept of sarcasm? Or will it be Rachel, the veteran who constantly lets everybody know she’s had to “fight for her life” every week, but leaves out the little tidbit that production is always there to lend a helping hand when all hope appears to be lost?

We could just jump ahead 85 minutes and hand the check to what seems to me is an obvious choice, but we have lots of pomp, circumstance, whining, and self-important declarations to sit through. Once we get through the obligatory Julie Chen intro, a lengthy “previously on Big Brother” segment, and a bunch of cheese, the show commences where we left off last Thursday – the endurance competition that starts the three –part final HOH.

They all start off by talking about how they need to win, although Porsche adds in that maybe it’s not that important thanks to her final two deal with Rachel (who also mentions that she doesn’t know if she can trust Porsche). Nice job on the script-reading, kids!

We’re at the ten-minute mark, and Adam is already struggling. Porsche says she’s not feeling that great either. He’s really struggling at the twenty-two minute mark, and attempts to stretch his legs. Rachel is incredulous at his whining. Sure enough, he jumps off at the 28:58 mark. He says he has to “save any strength I have left for part two”. Silly boy.

Jump ahead a few minutes, and Porsche is asking Adam how Rachel is holding up. “She’s good.” Porsche says she’s “feeling a little ill”, but is “staying up here for dear life”. She says she’s feeling nauseous, though, while Rachel says she can stay up all night. Rachel wants her to drop so she doesn’t have to “hang out in throw up butter”. Porsche’s knees start to buckle, and she’s off at 46:10. Rachel gives a smile and thumbs up to the camera, and then tells Porsche she “did really good”. That’s actually funny!

Yes, Rachel, we know that Brendon would be so proud. Porsche hopes that she can beat Adam in the second part to ensure her place in the final two. Obviously, so does Adam.

After commercials, it is time for the second part of the HOH, which both Adam and Porsche have to perform separately. It’s an underwater maze, and since Porsche apparently loves swimming she is confident she’ll do well. In the maze is the names of the house guests, and they have to place each of the previous HOH’s in order.

Porsche jumps in, and after making a “joke” about not practicing anything underwater, she finishes the competition. We don’t get to see her score, but she thinks she could have done better. After the obligatory “I have to kick ass” speech from Adam, he starts working on the names. The goggles get in his way, though, so he tosses them aside. Unfortunately, now he can’t see at all. Great job, Tori-lover.

Adam jumps out and grabs the goggles, but he’s lost lots of time. He finally finishes, and Rachel reads off the scores. Adam’s time was 6:03, but Porsche’s was 3:50! Porsche will now battle Rachel for the final HOH! Adam just hopes that whoever wins will realize their best shot is to take him, and Rachel reads the diary room cue cards well enough to express doubt.

Now we jump to the jury house conversation, and Shelly asks who they want to see come next. Jeff wants it to be Kalia and Porsche, while Brendon hopes it is Porsche. Daniele wants to see Rachel (“shocker”, says Brendon), while Shelly is hoping for either the “coaster” (Adam) or Rachel.

And in walks Kalia – “hey guys!” She fills them in on Rachel’s win, but luckily we’re interrupted by Jordan’s appearance. For some reason, Brendon jumps up excitedly. Oh yeah, because that means that Rachel is still there. Jordan fills them in on what happened, and says that she thinks Rachel should win. Daniele counters that although Rachel whines about floaters, she’s “the biggest floater in the house”. (Hmmm, I think I’ve heard that line on The Big Brother Gossip Show!) Brendon counters that switching up strategy is a way to play, but Daniele says that she treats people like shit. Brendon’s response? “I always said she’s as smooth as a rhinoceros in a china store.”

Kalia, though, says that she has changed her mind about Rachel, and that she has had the toughest road to the end. Shelly, though, doesn’t think there is any point where you have to “viciously, maliciously tear people out personally and then send them off with half a million dollars”. Jordan brings up the lies and the mean things Shelly has said, though, but Rachel’s “level was different and not strategic”. Jeff says that they had plenty of chances to get rid of Rachel.

They move on to Porsche, and again Jeff whines about how he never talked to her. Kalia congratulates her on her “chill” way of playing, but Jordan said she did nothing “but walk around in a bikini and cooked”. Kalia also points out the wins Porsche had, and that she had much more than Adam. Jordan counters that he showed his loyalty, and Jeff agrees that it “is a big part of the game to me”. Shelly again points out that he “waffle-waffled” the entire game. Jordan is still hung up on her opinion that Porsche did nothing until “day 52”, but Daneile points out that Adam is a “piggy backer”. Ok, I’m officially bored.

Ooooh, Shelly brings up how Kalia and Porsche played “Dani’s game”. Uh oh, Kalia is pissed. “I played my own game, and we played together. End of story! Period!” Thank God that’s over!

Now it is time for the final competition of the year. It’s Rachel versus Porsche in a question game about the jury members (which in some ways is not fair to a noob). The first question is about the moment Brendon doesn’t want friends and family to see, and they both are wrong. The second question is about  Daniele’s opinion of the most shocking moment, and Porsche changes to the wrong answer. Shelly’s question is about her most fatal error, and they both are again wrong. Jeff’s question is about the best thing about being in the house, and AGAIN they are both wrong! Kalia’s question is about the  biggest lie in the house, and again Rachel is correct. She has won the final HOH!!!

After commercials, it is time for Rachel to pick her runner-up – I mean second final two candidate. Porsche goes first with the final plea, and she doesn’t say much but the typical stuff. Adam gives a  shout out to the metal heads at Yankees stadium (note, they’re not watching), and then says that he was NEVER a floater, unlike Porsche. “Last year, you said floaters grab a life vest. This year, floaters grab a paycheck?” Ugh.

Rachel then stands up, and after telling Julie “no” to whether she is ready, she gives the “fight for her life” speech before evicting Adam! Porsche and Rachel are the finalists! He gives one last metal cheer before heading out, and then (stupidly) milks the crowd for more cheers and high fives. He even hugs poor Julie!

Julie asks if Rachel made the right decision, and points out that he was not great at competitions. He believes he did very well at the end, but ultimately Rachel made the right decision “because if I had made final two I would have won.” Um, no you wouldn’t. Thankfully, we’re done with him already.

It is now time to introduce the jury, and I’m surprised there are no boos when Shelly walks out. Julie then introduces Adam as the seventh member of the jury, and Brendon is (obviously) ecstatic. The two finalists are then beamed in for jury questions, and Brendon goes first by asking Rachel about whether she should be rewarded for the hurtful things she’s said. Once again, we get the “fight for my life” speech, and that she should win on game play. Oh yeah, and she’s sorry if she offended anybody.

Jordan goes next, and asks Porsche her patented “bikini and cook” question. Get over it, girl. You did little more. She points out that she had the golden key for the first month, and played a social game instead. Kalia asks Rachel what she did besides winning competition, and AGAIN we get the “fight for my life” speech. She adds that her biggest move was evicting Kalia, who she thinks would have won if she had made final two.

It is now Shelly’s turn, and she asks Porsche when she started playing the game. She claims she started in the first week, but Keith screwed up her game. Yes, again we got to hear once again about the golden key. Neither of these girls have a lot to say, I guess. We’re already finished – I guess Daniele, Jeff, and Adam don’t get questions.

One more commercial break later, it is time for the final pleas of the last two players. Rachel goes first, and ONE MORE TIME we get the “fight for my life” spiel. ENOUGH!!! She adds that she was the person who exposed Daniele’s plan of backdooring Jeff, and also giving the boot to Kalia. Somehow, she also deserves credit for playing without Brendon.

When she finally concludes, Porsche she points out that they were the people who kept her in the first week, and Adam gives her a dirty look when she says she got second place four times and won four competitions. A couple of minutes later, and I have no idea what she said.

Here we go – it is voting time. Brendon’s key goes in first, and we know his vote. Daniele is next, and she tells Porsche she adores her but Rachel is “lucky that it is not a personality contest”. Oh boy, the cat ladies aren’t going to like that line! Jeff is the third vote, and he says “I don’t have anything cute to say”. He just congratulates them both as he puts in his key.

Shelly says she loves the heart they both have, but just not as much as Brendon loves Rachel. Kalia struggles with her dress, and then says something she didn’t say all season – “I don’t have a lot to say.” Instead, she just says “pajamapajama”. Jordan says hi to Rachel and that she misses her. “You both did good.” Adam is last up, and he again says he would have won if Rachel hadn’t evicted him. “I got four answers right in that final HOH. If I didn’t throw my goggles and didn’t smoke I would have won this game…the next time I come back for All Stars I’m winning this game!” No, you won’t!

Before we get to see the votes, though, we get a little bit of time with the first five evictees. We start with Evel Dick, and Julie asks about the veteran’s alliance he created. He says it was a “would have, should have, could have been the best alliance that has ever played the game if they had stuck together. But my lovely daughter blew it open with an atomic bomb, and there it went.” Daniele agrees, but says that the biggest mistake players usually have is making alliances on the first day. “I wanted to work with the people that I actually cared about and had relationships with.”

Julie asks if Daniele’s move to boot Jeff was a dumb move, and he jokes he’d rather talk about his daughter “behind her back”. He says that it was “typical in playing too hard, too fast”. He thinks she should have had secret alliances with the noobs, and let them do the dirty work.

Talk moves to Cassi and what surprised her the most. She jokes that it is how cute Adam is without his beard. She says that Shelly shocked her but she played a great game. Shelly is asked to respond, and she says that she does “adore” her but she just had to play both sides of the house since she is not a competitor. Jeff is asked to weigh in on this topic, and he says that they had made up in the jury house. Cat ladies, you can call off the hounds on Shelly!

Julie then asks Kalia about her non-existent strategy of “biting her tongue”. Now that she isn’t playing the game, does she have anything she wants to say? She still thinks she “bit her tongue a lot in the house”, but feed watcher never saw it! She claims that she did play her own game, and that she “is nobody’s slave”. We go back to Jeff, and whether he made up with Daniele. He jokes about giving back each other’s “friendship bracelets”, but admits that he does not like her. Uh oh. Julie ends the segment by reminding everybody about the America’s Choice prize.

FINALLY it is time to reveal the votes! We know the first vote (Brendon) goes to Rachel, but Daniele voted for Porsche. Jeff’s vote went to Rachel, as does Shelly. Kalia, though, votes for Porsche, but Jordan’s vote goes to Rachel FOR THE WIN! Censors, be careful as Rachel’s ass is about to escape her tiny dress.

As we head to the final credits of the season, Julie reveals that Adam voted for Porsche. The final score was then 4 – 3. The America’s Choice prize obviously went to Jeff. Who didn’t predict that?

So there we have it. What did you think of the finale? Or the entire season? Anything stand out as exciting, funny, weird, or noteworthy? Let us know!

Thursday
Sep082011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 28 Recap

The moment I’ve been waiting for all summer is finally here. I’ve got my beer and a bunch of snacks next to me as I try to patiently wait for the battle involving both veterans and rookies. Who will be prematurely knocked out of the game? Will the vets use their experience and maturity to outwit the rookies? Who will cast the first blow against their opponents to set up a run for the championship? Thank God football is back!

Oh wait, I’m on the wrong channel. Oh well, it still works as an opening to tonight’s final regular season episode of Big Brother. We have two vets, Jordan and Rachel, and two rookies, Adam and Porsche, fighting to make it into the final rounds of competitions. Adam already guaranteed himself a place in the final three with his perfect score in last night’s HOH competition. Tonight, he’ll nominate two of the other three players, and one of them will be evicted after a veto competition/ceremony. After that, the remaining three will end the show with the start of the first part of the three-part final HOH comps.

After Julie’s introduction, the show begins with a look back at Kalia’s eviction. Porsche is happy to have survived, but she is bummed that she no longer has a strong alliance member. Adam believes his refusal to use the veto proves he’s “firmly in with the veterans. I chose my side. Here we go.”

Kalia heads out the door and Jordan apologizes to Rachel for making her be the deciding vote. She adds in the diary room that her vote was a “strategic move for me because I can tell Kalia that I never broke my word with you. That could possibly be a jury vote for me.” She explains to Adam that she changed her mind the previous night, but Rachel is kind of pissed. “Why do I always have to get blood on my hands? Seriously, Jordan?”

We jump to the end of last night’s HOH victory for Adam, and he says it is a relief to finally have a victory. “My lips are getting a little chapped from kissing a lot of veteran butt, so this week these girls will kiss my butt the way I kissed their butt all season.” Ewwww, but also the most truthful thing he has said all year.

Porsche admits she “sucked at this competition. I definitely wasn’t a reading comprehension student.” Yeah, that’s also pretty honest. She hopes that Adam won’t put her on the block. Jordan says she’s excited for Adam, but she’s also nervous. “Adam, how much sucking up can I do?”

Immediately, Adam lets out a metal scream about seeing his HOH room, and we get the usual Sunday night segment of pictures, smiles, and (in my house, at least) boredom. Of course, he gets bacon and a Tori Spelling picture.

Porsche immediately starts kissing Adam’s ass, helping him carry his stuff into the HOH. “I’m nervous”, Jordan says as her and Rachel watch. Porsche admits that she’d be kissing any HOH ass right now, and she dutifully sits and listens to Adam ramble about how beneficial it is to win this final week. When she finally gets to speak, she says that she wants to be next to him in the final two. Yeah, duh. She adds that while she knows Adam is close to Jordan, she doesn’t want to be with her in the final three.

It’s now Rachel’s turn to grovel, and she’s not happy about kissing a “floater’s butt”. Especially that one, right Rachel? She gives her usual HOH speech, and Adam is clearly loving every second of it.

Finally, it is Jordan’s turn, and she says that he HAS to help her out. Adam admits that while he wants Rachel out, he also kind of wants to “go head to head with her”. Good idea, bacon boy. “You’d understand if I had to nominate you?” Jordan responds that she knows if Porsche wins veto, she’ll put her out, and asks what he would do if he won veto. “We’ll see what happens.” Wow.

Jordan is pissed. “She doesn’t deserve to be final three. Oh my God, Adam…after all we’ve done for you?” Adam just smiles and bumbles his words, but Jordan says she can read his face.

After a commercial break, it is nomination time. This is really a waste of valuable TV time, as it is the veto competition that really matters. Everybody goes through the motions, though, and Adam ultimately nominates Jordan and Porsche. He says “the best night sleep I’ve ever had in this house is the night I won the veto (or was given the veto) and took myself off the block. Rachel has done that already; you two have yet to do that. I’m giving you that opportunity. Earn it, please.” Rachel likes the speech. “Good speech”, she says.

Rachel is shocked and excited, but she does know she HAS to win the veto to guarantee her place in the final three. Jordan agrees, saying she has to quit “lollygagging” and “buckle down, get focused, and win this veto”.

Once we return from another break, it is time for the veto competition. It’s called “Jukebox Veto”, and Jordan says either her or Rachel must win. There are 20 game-related clues on each jukebox, and they have to place pairs of names that match both clues. The first to correctly complete the stack wins.

They all go through the motions of saying that it is important to win, and we’re off. Adam gets the bottom question within seconds, and is confident that he’ll win. Porsche’s strategy is to come up with all of the answers first, and then start stacking.

As she has the entire season, Jordan gets confused. Meanwhile, Porsche has them all lined up, but after hitting the buzzer she discovers there is an error somewhere. Both Rachel and Adam say that kicks them into the gear, but poor Jordan is still lagging behind. Porsche thinks she has fixed her error, and jumps off to win the veto! Adam now admits that it may not be a bad thing to have another noob in the final three, and Rachel cries that she just wanted to do well “for Brendon”. Jordan is also obviously bummed, as she wanted Porsche OUT!

Back inside, Rachel is actually more upset than Jordan. “After losing, I should go home”, says Jordan. Meanwhile, Rachel sneezes, whines, and cries as Jordan continues to say she deserves to leave. Rachel’s main concern seems to be that Brendon may be pissed. They run into Porsche as they had into another room, and Rachel hugs her. Jordan says she feels really bad as they have worked together really well, and tells Rachel that if she makes the finals she will win.

Porsche and Rachel are now drinking wine in the kitchen, and Rachel asks to go talk to her in the purple room. “Jordan is my friend, but I’ve come way too far to go out without trying.” Rachel says that if she saves her, she has a pretty good shot at making the final two as both her and Adam would take her. “if you take Jordan, she’ll probably take Adam.” She continues sucking up to her, leading Porsche to giggle, “I like your arguments.” Porsche says in the diary room that she needs to weigh her choices. Rachel may have made that promise, but she has a better chance at beating Jordan in the final comps.

It is now time for Porsche’s big decision, as we head to the final veto meeting. Obviously, Porsche decides to use the veto on herself, meaning that Rachel is now on the block. Rachel goes first in addressing Porsche for her final plea, and she tells them all how proud she is to spend the summer with them. She eventually stumbles on her words, and concludes. Jordan then gets up and says since she already campaigned she knows she’s going home. She tells Adam that she loves him, and his word is gold, and “Farah is a very lucky woman”. She tells Rachel that she is happy with their friendship, and the way she thinks of her walking out of the game is completely different than when she first walked in. Finally, she addresses Porsche by saying that while they never really talked, “I know you like wearing bikinis and hosting competitions.” She concludes by saying she hopes that her and Jeff’s families are not disappointed.

Porsche then stands and after a bit of nonsense, she evicts Jordan. Jordan then heads out the door, and Julie begins the interview by asking why Porsche voted her out instead of Rachel. Jordan says Porsche is like a “poker face to me”, and that she never got to know her. She then asks about the comments to Adam, especially given that he nominated her. Jordan just says that he had to put up somebody, and she knew he wouldn’t put up both her and Rachel.

Julie’s conversation moves on to Shelly, and Jordan says she was “playing too personal and I wasn’t really playing smart. She was so nice, and I got so caught up in her niceness. Kind of like a mom away from home. I felt really comfortable with her. You can’t trust anyone in here. Even if you’re a mom, you still can’t trust a mom!” Julie also asks about how it seemed like Jordan threw in the towel the last few weeks, and Jordan’s response is how they balanced each other out. When asked what is next for Jordan, she admits she came back because Jeff wanted to do it, but otherwise it will just be “the same old thing”.

Final comments end the segment, and Porsche says that it was because of her closeness to both Rachel and Adam that made her send her home. Adam once again calls her “sweet, sweet Jordan” but otherwise his love and gratitude frankly make no sense. Rachel apologizes for not saving her in the final veto, and is happy that they are now such good friends. “Our boyfriends have the bromance of the century, so we can have our chickmance. Go to the jury with your head held high because you’re an amazing person and I’ve made a lifelong friend in you.”

So now the real fun begins, as the start of the first part of the three-part final competition begins. The competition is called the “Big Brother Mixer”, and the last person hanging on the mixer blade wins. The “mixer” is hanging above a giant vat of butter, and after it spins around a little bit other “ingredients” are spit on them. When we return from another commercial break, we see that the mixer has also lowered them partway into the pit.

We’re done here. What did you think of the episode? Did Adam betray Jordan? Did Porsche make the correct move? Who will win tonight’s competition? Please, please, please tell us your thoughts!

Wednesday
Sep072011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 27 Recap

Wow, we’re officially one week away from the conclusion of this season of Big Brother! Are you excited for the season to end? Would you rather that we jump right into a new season?

In less than an hour (actually, 23 hours ago since this was pre-taped last night) we’ll know the identity of this year’s final four. Has Kalia’s non-stop jabbering paid off? Who will be the next-to-last HOH? While leaked reports have already informed me of the results, I can’t wait to see for myself.

After Julie’s intro, we start off, as usual, with the reactions to the nominations of Porsche and Kalia. Rachel says that because Kalia has come “after me more time than I can count, girl, I’m coming after you”. Porsche says there’s “no way I’m leaving this game yet”, and somehow believes her and Kalia are the “strongest competitors left in the house. There’s no way we’re going to go down without a fight.” Kalia complains that while her and Porsche have been allies, now they have to “battle it out, and I’m pretty sure Porsche is going to do the same”.

Kalia and Porsche head to their favorite room – the bedroom. Kalia becomes Mrs. Captain Obvious, stating that if either of them wins the veto then Adam would have to go up. Porsche says the only sure way that both would stay is if Adam won the veto. Jordan would then have to go up. Kalia’s worried, though, about whether Adam would indeed use the veto.

Adam is off by himself in the purple room, and Jordan comes in to talk to him. He guarantees that he is going to win, and Jordan points out that if he took one of them down then she’d have to go up. Adam reassures her that she doesn’t have to worry about him. Jordan is not quite convinced, but she knows that he can’t flip.

We now jump right to the veto competition. Despite Jordan’s scripted silliness, this is indeed the “OTEV” competition, where a house guest is described by a shark. The players then have to find the “pie” with that person’s name. If everybody guesses correctly, then the last person up is out.

Once we get through everybody talking about how they HAVE to win this, we finally get started. The first question is about who called Daniele a Judas on the live show. Brendon “Berry Pie” is the correct answer, and once again Jordan is the first out.

The second round is about the winner of the candy store competition, and Dominic “pudding pie” is the correct answer. Rachel is now eliminated…so all their hope is on Adam. The third round is a “soul patch” joke, and Kalia is the last to answer “Peanut Butter and Jeff” pie. She begins crying, and although Rachel pats her on the back she laughs in the diary room.

Now it is the final round, and Adam says he HAS to win it. The question is about the person who lost all 17 competitions they play in, which is “obvi” Shelly. Porsche is the first up the platform, and she says she realizes that she screwed up by grabbing Keith instead of Shelly “Jelly Pie”. She heads back down to find it, and Adam makes it up in time to win! Yes, Jordan, we know you want him to keep the nominations the same.

After a commercial break, we head to the jury house. While they all joke about who they want to see come in (and obviously, Jeff wants Shelly), guess who walks in? She tells them about the Pandora’s Box duo twist, and admits that she’s been scared to see Jeff. After Jeff tells Daniele to shut up, he asks her “what’s up with us, Shelly?” We get to once again hear the “I’d get no better than third” speech, but Jeff wants none of it. “You went with someone who breaks promises as opposed to someone who doesn’t?” Shelly then repeats herself, and claims that she “protected” him and Jordan. Um, Shelly, even if Rachel did say that, you didn’t “play the best game in the house”.

Finally, they all sit down to watch the DVD of the week’s action. Watching the veto comp, Daniele says it would have been “awwwkward” if she had to straddle her dad. When they see Adam drop at the four minute mark, Daniele makes a crack about him throwing comps. Brendon says Rachel “comes through when she has to” as we see her outlast Kalia at the end. Shelly says that she offered Jordan and Rachel everything in the world if they kept her, and Jeff laughs at this story. “Welcome to jury house”, concludes Brendon.

After another commercial break, it is the aftermath of the veto competition. Kalia heads into the bathroom to cry. “I’m mad that I didn’t win the veto, and I’m mad that my whole fate is in Adam’s hands.” She complains that he never makes any “big move” in the game, and that “it’s so unfair”.

Jordan is upstairs taking a shower, but is still worried that Adam will use the veto. We immediately jump to the night, and Kalia reminds him that they had said “newbies no matter what to the end”. In the diary room, Kalia claims that “I can sell water to a frickin’ well. I am a really smart, intelligent person. I know people, and I have the gift of frickin’ gab. I’m going to get it for me because it’s a very logical argument.” Um, no. You don’t. That doesn’t stop her from talking and talking and talking. Thankfully, this is only an hour-long show.  Still, Adam perfectly reads the script to make us unsure of what he is going to do.

It is now veto ceremony time, and Adam claims he’s going to make a “big move to further my game”. He calls everybody into the house, and obviously does not use the veto. Kalia’s face disintegrates from a smile to a frown as Adam says that he’s a “man of my word. I know you’re upset with my decision, but you have to respect it.” No, she doesn’t and won’t.

Sure enough, she bitches in the diary room about what a cowardly move he made. Rachel is beaming, and we end the segment with Kalia rushing out of the room.

It’s now the moment of truth, and Porsche gets the first final plea. She doesn’t say a lot but talks about how she loves everybody. Kalia then gets up and immediately goes after Adam. “Please start playing like all-stars and stop playing like a fan.” She asks Jordan to “vote with her heart”, and then complains to Rachel that she “can’t keep complaining about putting out people that play this game if you’re going to keep doing it”. (Ooh, if looks could kill.) She says she’s feeling “jacked for trusting the wrong person again”. Ugh. How does she think she’s such a strong player?

Voting begins with Jordan, who votes to evict Porsche. Adam then votes to keep Porsche, leading to a tie that Rachel must break. She stands, and after the usual speech about how she’s fought so hard she evicts Kalia. She puts down the infamous black queen that she stole with Daniele earlier this season, and heads out the door.

Julie starts off by asking about the “newbies to the end” plan, and Kalia repeats that she trusted the wrong people. She wanted to beat the vets, and we’re already done with her. Wait, what happened to the supposed infamous goodbye message from Rachel???

It’s now HOH competition time, and Julie starts off by showing footage from the other night when the fortune teller woke up to give clues all through the night for this comp. Obviously, it’s a true/false question competition regarding these clues. The first question is about Jeff’s clue, and they all get it correct. The second question is about Brendon, and Jordan is once again the first with an incorrect answer.

For the third question, it’s about Cassi, and this time Porsche is wrong. Keith’s question is next, and again Porsche is incorrect. The fifth question regards Dom, and again Porsche is wrong. The last question is about Evel Dick, and they all get it correct. Adam is the new HOH with a perfect score!

 We end the show with one last chat with the house, and Adam says that it is so amazing that the only thing that would top it would be if Tori Spelling was in the house. “Wait, that already happened!”  Ok, now please be quiet. Julie then asks Porsche about surviving the vote, and says she was too “flustered” to do well in the competition.

The show then ends with Julie describing the last two episodes (tomorrow and next Wednesday) and the credits roll. What did you think of the episode? Are you happy with Kalia’s departure or Adam’s victory? And what about the promised fireworks from Rachel’s goodbye message? Or Jordan’s supposed breakdown over Rachel’s deciding vote? Tell us what you think!