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Entries in Episode Recap (127)

Thursday
Sep062012

Big Brother #14, Episode 25 Recap

It's double eviction night! Will it be double the fun? Who will be going home? We know it's the end of the line for Big Dummy Frank, but who will be the second evictee?

Unfortunately, the odds are that it will be either Jenn or Joe, as Smelly Pants Dan has the rest of the house snowed over. It is because of that fact that I predicted that Eagle Eye Pee Hands Joe would pull an upset. I doubt very much that this will happen, but he is our only hope this week. He has seen through Dan's shenanigans, although he has kept quiet over the past week. There's also the reality that while he has a big, big mouth, he seems to lack the balls to actually follow through with a big move. I could see him giving us hope for a few seconds, and then weaseling out to get Jenn out. Please, please, please, Joe. Win this and make us proud...at least for a few minutes.

Since this will be a long recap, let's just go right to the reactions to Dan using the veto to save Jenn instead of Big Dummy Frank. Please, do we have to start off with Joe yelling at the camera one more time? At least Joe knows that he is supposed to be a pawn this week. Jenn then compares being taken off the bloc to "getting that dream apartment in New York City". Really? She is concerned that her big ally, Frank, is still on the block.

Speaking of the Big Dummy, he still thinks that he has Dan and Danielle's votes to stay in the house (along with Jenn, of course). Dan then gloats about how it has been a great week for him - he added a new ally (Jenn), and Frank is still clueless that he's the next victim.

Now the segment moves along just like last night's. Big Dummy is making sure that Dan is still with him on the plan to get Joe out. "We're golden now, right?" Dan makes a little bit of a mistake, though, as they talk about next week's competition. "What if Joe pulls out a miracle win?" Uh oh. Dan quickly recovers, though, because Frank is a BIG DUMMY!

The segment doesn't end there, though, as Frank continues to pepper Dan about whether they're going to the end together. "You've got to realize that I've been burned so many times in this game this season. Every time I find someone to trust they put me on the block the next week."

Now it is Joe's turn to sound like a fool, as he heads over to the Ian to make sure that Frank is still the target. "Should I throw out a major campaign to Jen." Ian just says that he's "golden", mainly because he wants Joe to lay low and now screw things up with his big mouth. Joe calls Frank "Houdini", but Ian reminds him that Houdini died young. Joe, though, does a good job in pumping up Ian's ego by talking about how he is putting out the game's toughest competitor.

More Grodner footage is up next, as we get to endure Dan explaining his entire game as he stares at the memory wall. Yes, we get it. Dan's a perfect man who is always one step ahead of the pack. Well, this pack isn't too hard to be a mile ahead.

Dan decides that he needs to know where Joe's head is at right now, and he heads into the bedroom to see who he would put up. He throws out Shane and Danielle, but says in the diary room that he was just tossing out names.

A half hour later, Dan returns to the bedroom, but Joe thinks it was Shane. "Dan chased me in here", he says.

"This is Dan."

"What's up?" Ugh, what a bonehead. Shane then walks in, and Dan tells him the story. Now Dan claims to be considering to keep Big Dummy Frank. Yeah, right.

With that short segment complete, we head to a live shot for Julie to announce that it is once again a double eviction. Danielle's mouth drops open, but that's how she usually looks anyway.

The final pleas start with Big Dummy, who reminds them all that he can't compete in the next HOH. He's also "very vulnerable", so anybody who helps him can get help.

Joe then stands up, and again attempts a comedy act. "I know I'm the biggest single threat...in the kitchen". He thanks everybody for his time in the house, and "you have ot vote with your heart".

Live voting then begins with Dan, who votes to evict Frank, as does Danielle. Jenn, however, votes to evict Joe, but Shane makes it official by voting to evict Frank. He is out by a 3-1 vote!

Julie then reads the results, and he is surprisingly calm. Dan tells him he is a "great competitor", and he quickly hugs Jenn before heading out the door. Hmmm, where's the fireworks???

Julie tells Frank that he looks shellshocked, and he admits this to be the case. Frank is bummed that Dan put his hand on the Bible, and he should have never trusted him. This is an idiotic interview, as it is nothing but not having anybody to trust.

Let's move on to the goodbye messages, which starts with silly Joe complaining about the size of his ego. "Your biggest mistake in the game was not getting rid of Dan." Well, duh. Shane adds little to the chat, and Ian says that he had to make this decision for the good of his game. Dan then yells that he respects him, and that is why he voted him out. What a kissass. Julie asks if there are hard feelings, and Frank says "absolutely". For some reason, Julie continues the interview and Frank continues to whine. Enough!

Time for a quick HOH competition. As expected, it is a question game called "Make Your Case". Julie reads a quote from a nominee's final plea, and they have to identify that person. The person with the most points after seven questions wins.

The first quote is about being underestimated, and only Jenn gets this right (Ashley). The second question is about the term "brass tacks", and Jenn, Dan, and Danielle all guess Boogie. The third round is about bullies, and Jenn this time is the ONLY one wrong.

Question four is about believing they were going to play a dirty game, and Jenn, Dan, and Danielle all guess Jojo. Question five is about who played an honest game, and those three again guess correctly.

Question six is about helping others win the game, and again it is between those three. The final question is about fairness, and nobody gets it correct. It is a three-way tie between Jenn, Dan, and Danielle. The tie-breaker is a guess on the number of minutes that Jodi was in the house. Danielle guesses 230, Dan has 363, and Jenn as 160. The correct answer is 481 minutes, which means that Dan wins! Gross!

After commercials, everybody gathers in the living room. Joe stupidly sits in one of the nomination chairs, and won't move. Dan says he has to make tough decisions, and nominates Joe...and IAN!!! WTF??? Even Joe is shocked!

When we return from yet another break, it is time for the veto comp...and everybody is playing. The comp is called "Swimming With Sharks", and they have to work a shark through a maze. The first to finish it, and return to hit their buzzer wins. Danielle jumps in the lead, but they quickly all even up (except for Shane). In fact, Joe is even in the lead for a second, but stalls at the halfway mark. Ian then sneaks ahead, and looks to be taking it until the maze pulls him back a bit. He's still way ahead of the others, and indeed he does win!

And yet another commercial break before Ian saves himself from the block. Before we get to that, though, Dan is gathering various people for strategy, and first the door slams on Ian...and then he leaves when Dan wants to talk to him. Just get to the ceremony, please!

Finally, Julie calls everybody to the room...but Dan attempts to talk to Jenn one more time. With everybody finally in place, Ian does indeed save himself...and is replaced by Danielle! Wait, What??? Danielle???? OMG, this is the greatest moment ever!!!! The audience may have groaned, but I haven't been this happy in weeks! Get Danielle out! Get Danielle out! (Oh wait, she is my choice as this year's winner.)

CBS is raking in cash this week, as we have to sit through yet more commercials before the voting. After flashing her panties, Danielle stands up and says to please keep her. Joe then says that he has "strong ass loyalty" and he loves them all.

Voting starts with Shane, who obviously votes to evict Joe, as does Jenn and Ian. Joe is out by a 3-0 vote! Once again, my hopes and dreams for this season are dashed. Joe hugs everybody, and walks out with a smile on his face. "It's just a game."

Oh great, he comes out screaming to the audience. Thankfully, I won't have to endure that voice much for the rest of this season. There seems to be some drama in the house though, before we get to the interview. Danielle is clearly not happy with being nominated.

Julie's interview starts with pointing out that he survived on nomination earlier tonight, so what went wrong this time? Joe says that he needed one big victory, but he didn't pull though. "Ian absolutely deserves this." When asked why Danielle wasn't evicted, Joe's reply is "showmance! I can't go there. I'll rub his back but that's all he's getting." Julie points out that Joe never made any big moves in the game, nor won any competitions. Was that his strategy? Let me answer this...no. Even Joe knows this idea is ridiculous. "I tried with every ounce of my body to win one of these things." His only skill set was to win them over with cooking. Julie concludes by asking about his dumb pubic hair on his chin, and he calls it "Chinny Claus". Ugh.

Before the show ends, Julie confirms that next Wednesday will indeed be another eviction; the day before the show is shrunk down to three.

What did you think of tonight's show? Did the right people get evicted? Are you excited for the inevitable drama that Danielle will cause by being nominated? Tell us what you think!

Sunday
Sep022012

Big Brother #14, Episode 23 Recap (Sort Of)

Call it the holiday blues. Call it laziness. Call it what you like, but I decided against my usual 10,000 word recap tonight. I knew the format of tonight's show would match every other endurance Sunday episode, and the appearance of Grodner's human dildo, Jessie, was not reason enough to sit through and transcribe. Plus, I've had visions all day of a beautiful woman partying in New Orleans, wearing little more than a sexy tank top.

I did watch, though, and had some fun tweeting my usual absurdist silliness. I hearby treat you to some of my reactions from this long, long hour.

7:57 Instead of All-Stars, they should have an ultimate losers season. Can you imagine an endurance where Joe & Kathy pin a tail on a donkey?

7:59 We could have a comp where Ian, Danielle, and Cowboy have to make the goofiest faces in the mirror.

8:00 After last night, though, we do know one contest where Joe would excel...but it would have to be on Showtime.

8:00 Maybe Joe, Ian, and Brendon could have a Skype self-pleasure contest! #AllStarLosersSeason

8:02 So the show starts tonight with dummy#1, dummy#2, and dummy#3....with a drunk, twitching idiot#4.

8:03 And a self-important, "Christian" douchebag.

8:04 Cue Dan screaming the instructions in the diary room any second now...

8:04 Oh Jenn, you have yet to make a big move and you have yet to be a "big target".

8:05 Wait, is this a loop? Joe and Jenn aren't down yet?

8:05 Ian's growing self-importance is the funniest thing about this season.

8:06 And there is the screaming. *WhereIsTheMuteButton?

8:07 Joe, not only are your four kids laughing at you but all of America is

8:07 I'm sorry, the Hula Hoop "punishment" was no punishment, and Joe loved every fucking second of the attention. #GuaranteedScreenTime

8:08 Good thing precious Danielle wasn't bruised by the "comet"

8:08 Oh look, there's goes the "big target" Jenn.

8:09 What we learned tonight - giant red penises are kryptonite to Brooklyn lesbians.

8:10 Dan, can you scream the obvious just a little bit louder? I missed it the first five times.

8:11 Shane sure loves hitting the penis comet.

8:11 So Danielle is completely made up for the comp, but is in the diary room showing every blemish. #DumbTwit

8:12 Dammit, CBS, why no Danielle puke footage??

8:12 Dan was up 42 minutes - I had predicted 45.

8:17 It amazes me that they stretch out these boring endurance comps to almost a full half hour of broadcast time.

8:22 So the new rule is that breaking alliances is ok if you "like" the new people more Interesting.

8:27 Oh look, the only two people who didn't think Frank was going up. #JoeAndFrankAreClueless

8:28 Now this "girlfriend" convo is by far Jenn's BEST MOMENT OF THE SEASON!!!! You go girl!!!

8:28 Hmmm, Danielle is actually all made up and busty for the Shane diary room convo???

8:28 Ian's HOH reveal. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

8:30 Danielle's only thought about Ian's HOH is "where are the Cheetos?"

8:31 So all the Dan fans saying that he didn't have a F2 deal with Frank, he himself has said it at least 3 times tonight.

8:32 Fuck the Quack Pack.

8:32 Poor Joe had to stop jerking off to do his dumb hula hoop shit.

8:33 You know when the season is over Danielle is going to be pissed they didn't show her in the hula hoop.

8:35 Ding Ding Ding Ian!!! He can't play HOH next week. Your idiot Quackers would have a better chance at winning HOH

8:40 Oh come on, like Mr. BB WIki would even consider NOT opening Pandora.

8:42 Even on the scale of Jessie appearances, this is easily the worst Pandora ever. zzzzzz

8:43 Who wants Jessie's dick more - Grodner, Danielle, or Shane???

8:44 This segment would have been better if chip-chomper Britney had still been there.

8:45 Yes, Dan, scream that same theme to us one more time. We may have forgotten since ten minutes ago.

8:46 Dan's "It's kind of your call", which means "here's what I am commanding you to do".

8:47 This season is such a disaster that I actually want that delusional twit Danielle to win.

8:54 Oh come on, Ian, this is not the "difficult decision" the scriptwriters want us to believe.

8:55 Danielle clearly remembered that this is guaranteed camera time, as her tits are busting out of that shirt.

8:56 Ian, quit lying. Jenn has NOT played a "remarkable social game" this season. She's been invisible!

8:56 Ugh..."quack quack". Shut it, Ian.

8:57 Oh Jenn, I now laugh at your diary room segments as much as I do Dan and Joe's.

Thursday
Aug302012

Big Brother #14, Episode 22 Recap

For the second week in a row, we will be saying goodbye to a so-called Big Brother legend. A beautiful little thing with a wandering eye but the gift of snark, our departing player originally lost her "dignity on a slippery wiener", but also managed to survive being shackled to two of the most annoying people in Big Brother history, was outplayed by a gang of fratboys with a collective IQ of 75, and never met a crinkly bag of chips she didn't devour.

Although we will never forget our little Britney, honestly she was never much of a player. Yet she never claimed to be one, either, admitting earlier this year that she spent her entire first season in a bikini (hence my love for her). With competition wins not a part of her vocabulary, she used her gift for gab (and more and more gab) to attach herself to anybody that had temporary power. She will be missed.

Or is she really going? After wasting over two days on wine, sleep, and Cheetos, Britney actually attempted to work the room earlier today. Was it too little too late? Big Brother history says her chances are slim to none, but who knows what happened in those couple of hours before tonight's broadcast? I know I'd like to see it just to witness how it shakes up the dynamics of the house just minutes before what we believe is an endurance competition.

At the very least, her last-ditch attempts will create enough footage for CBS to create a little bit of doubt, so don't put too much stock into the opening segments. Before we get to the campaign footage, though, we have some explosive footage that occurred immediately after Jenn City (stupidly) used her veto to save Dan...who was replaced by our little blonde heroine.

After a hyperbole-fuelled recap...and another recap...and Dan's narrative recap...followed by Julie's second over-the-top recap...we finally get started. Dan is celebratory, Britney is sad, and Ian is angry. Britney's complaint is that "a giant carrot put me on the block next to my best friend in the house". Shane hugs her, whispering that he "had no idea what just happened". Ian is more worried that Frank now knows about his double-crossing, while Britney asks Danielle if she knew this was going to happen. "I had no idea", she lies.

Frank and Jenn City go upstairs to celebrate, while Dan goes into the lounge to quietly yell "I'm back!" Yes, cue more yelling in the diary room. He also continues talking to the camera, smugly saying this was his best move ever. We get it, Dan. Move on, Boy Wonder.

Ian is still furious, and stomps his way right up to the HOH. Is he going to pop Frank in the nose? Of course not. He just meekly says that he his "not too pleased", and Frank throws it back in his face that earlier he said he had "covered all of his own bases". Sending Britney home uncovers a base or two, I guess. Shane then enters as Ian's voice raises a bit, and he then heads downstairs.

Britney hugs him and says that it is fine, but Ian keeps pacing as Britney enters the lounge. "Dan lives to fight again", she says to him, who replies that it is "nothing personal". He tells her to go talk to the HOH, but she wants him to "just be honest". He doesn't reply, so she walks out. Oh wait, she has to stop to complain that he is being "cold" to her, and that he has to remember that he needs to remember she's a jury vote.

He just can't sit still! Danielle and Shane are still in the living room, and Ian now paces into their orbit with a beer in his hand. "I will revenge it. That's for sure." Shane wants to know how Jenn got involved with this, but Danielle is more concerned about her "acting".

It is now Britney's turn to complain to Frank, and she does the whole "it is what it is" line. Frank says that he had to do this to hurt Ian's game, but Britney claims he's not as close to her as Ash was to him. Now that is a silly argument. Plus, she had something to do with that move, which puts Britney into her typical overdrive...and that she knew this was coming. The tears come out (and the piano music) as both Frank and Jenn tell her how great she is. "I'll help you if you keep me." Too late, baby doll.

Back to angry Ian. Frank walks back into the living room, and Shane says that he understands it was a "tough decision". A tough decision that "you had several days to think about", adds Ian. Oh, it is on....and Dan loves it from the other room. "I thought they were taking advantage of you because you were a kid", says Frank, "but it turns out you're just trying to be sneaky." The talk moves on to booting Boogie, and Dan is really laughing now.

Ian finally sits down, and Frank comes back out of the storage room to start it all up again. This time, it is about Frank telling Boogie to give Ian the three grand, and how he repaid that by getting out Boogie. Ian then tells the entire house that anybody that sits next to Frank in the finals will lose 7-0. Um, doubtful. We end with Frank complaining about his carrot costume, Ian flipping the bird, and Britney crying. Perfect.

After commercials, we move on to the footage to make us think Britney has a chance. Everybody is outside, and Britney tells Frank that she's not mad at him. No, it's the person "who elbowed me in the face during phone machine. I don't want anybody to be under the misinterpretation that Dan doesn't want to do anything for anybody if it's not the best thing for them." That doesn't quite make sense, but I get what she's saying. She calls herself an idiot for believing his BS, but Ian jumps right to her defense. "No, you're not an idiot." Danielle, though, has to cover her face so that she doesn't spoil her cover. Frank, though, is happy that the focus is on Dan instead of him. Ok, Britney, enough. It is funny, but we have other things to deal with.

Britney then heads into the house, and runs into a quiet Dan. "You can't even say sorry." She says that the worst thing she's done in the game is to believe him.

Oh wait, there is Joe! He is in the bedroom with Shane, the "only person I trust right now". Joe tells him that he is the one who will have to make the call on who to evict, and we get footage of Joe's pledge to get down on his knees for a grateful Shane.

And cut. We have the footage necessary to make it seem up in the air, as we go right to Julie's insipid questions for the house. She begins with Ian, and his explosive words after the veto. She asks what the mood in the house is right now, and Ian says that although it is better it is tense. Jenn is then asked about her move, and she says it "was the most brutal decision I've made thus far in the house". Um, it is your only move in the house.

She goes on to suck on Dan for a bit, and he has a typical ridiculous ass-kissing reply. Julie then asks about Shane's tears during the funeral, and as always he can't string a sentence together. Thankfully, we are done with this always-terrible segment.

Before we get to the eviction, though, we have to have one last piece of Britney fluff. The segment starts with her looking back at her disastrous relationship with the "Brigade", and we have a reunion with these three silly (and one cool) guys. I only care about the Matt portion, especially when they showed the pic of him dressed as Britney for "Hoffoween"...or when he calls Danielle a stalker. YES!!!

To further the filler, Julie also talks to Frank. We will skip that portion.

Finally, it is eviction time. Danielle goes first with the final plea, and her Southern accent is accentuated for some reason as she say she loves everybody. Then Britney gets up and says hello to her husband, family, and BB fans. She says she "doesn't have the time or a big enough ego to host my own funeral but I understand that you have to do what is best for your own game". She ends by quoting a wise old man, "you'll always be Judas to me" as she points to Dan. I will miss the little bitch.

Voting starts with Dan, who obviously votes to evict Britney, as does Jenn. Ian, though, votes to evict Danielle. Shane, however, goes against Birtney. Yes, so does Joe. Britney is out by a 4-1 vote!

Julie reads the results, all is calm as she gathers her stuff and heads out. After the customary de-coloring of her name on the memory wall, Julie asks about her Judas comment. "As a lover of this game, I can really see that he did what he had to do to get off the block. I'm the one sitting here right now, so obviously I'm not happy about it." Julie asks if it is pure genius or pure evil, and Britney says both because "he flipped the house in an hour and used the Bible to do it".

She is then asked about how she went from being the "Queen" ("I try") to having the rug pulled out from under her, and Britney says that a lot of it had to do with Ian. "(He) got me into a lot of trouble, and I kept having to cover for him over and over." She doesn't regret being with him, though, but it "definitely got me into the trouble".

Julie reminds her that this is the second time she was blindsided, and Britney says she tried to "be super paranoid" this time around. Having helped get out two of the supposed greatest players ever (Boogie and Janelle), the question is whether she proved what she meant to prove. Not really, she says, as she really wanted to win.

With her influence on Ian and Shane now finished, Britney is asked how they will do in the remaining weeks. Britney believes that Ian will do fine, but he needs to relax. As for Shane, though, he will just continue "follow the lead of...Danielle or Dan. He's very expendable, but he doesn't see that for himself".

After being reminded of her goodbye message to Boogie, we get to see those for Britney. Danielle is her typical nonsensical self, while Dan tries to explain his move. "What went down this week made me really stick to my guns and fight for myself." Shane just talks about his pink shirt, and Ian tells her she's "one of the best people I've ever met...this season's true beauty has been evicted from the house. I will get that hairy, orange beast."

So now we move on to tonight's HOH competition, and yes, it is an endurance. But there is a twist, as there was a vote as to whether the first person out would get a treat or punishment. Thankfully, punishment barely won...and the first to drop has to open a box. They're not told if it is a punishment or reward.

Tonight's contest is one of those hanging on a small platform as it spins around a spitting "sun". Yeah, this won't last long...which is proven when we come back from commercials to see that Joe is already down...followed by Jenn a minute later! That is it for tonight, though, outside of Julie's announcement that next week is ANOTHER double eviction!

What did you think of tonight's show? Are you happy with Britney's eviction? Or her speech and interview? Or the return of "Der Bergade"? Tell us what you think!

Wednesday
Aug292012

Big Brother #14, Episode 21 Recap

In football, the term "Hail Mary" refers to a desperation pass at the end of a game that has little chance of success. With nothing left to lose, the ball is heaved towards the end zone with the hope that somebody somehow grabs it for a miracle win.

The origin of the term is a sore spot in my sports-viewing life. Being a fan of Minnesota sports teams has never been easy. Outside of a couple of Twins World Series victories, championships are never seen in the state.
The Minnesota Vikings are the most snakebit team of the state. For most of their existence (but not recently), they have always been in the hunt at the end of the year. In particular, 1975 was the year that broke every fan's heart. They rolled to a league-best 14-2 record, and had the number three offense AND defense in the league.

Then came the dreaded Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs. The Vikings were ahead 14-10 with fourth down and little time on the clock. Cowboys quarterback Roger Staubach threw the ball up for grabs, and after a blatant shove that was ignored by the ref, receiver Drew Pearson grabbed it and ran in for the winning score. When interviewed later that night, Staubach said "I closed my eyes and said a 'Hail Mary". The term still sickens those that remember that awful day.

Tonight you're going to see the Big Brother version of a Hail Mary; a last-ditch effort by a house guest that should NEVER EVER have worked. The combination of a well-executed plan and a dimwitted supporting cast, though, changed this player's entire game. In fact, THE focus of this season has now changed thanks to an entire house being played and outplayed.

This move will come a bit later in the show, though, as we have a few other activities to sit through. Like every Wednesday episode, we must start off with the reactions to the nominations of Dan and Danielle, who starts it off with her undecipherable gibberish. Dan talks about how he is now the official number one target, but he's hoping to talk Ian into using the veto that he had won. Frank is all cocky about how Dan has failed to get him out of the house, and that this is his one "big swing" to "knock out of the park". (Foreshadow alert!) Ian, though, isn't sure whether to stick with Frank or The Quack Pack.

That alliance is exactly the focus of conversation between Britney and Dan, who have come up with a way to save both nominees. "We still have the votes if only one is still up", says Dan. Britney heads right to Ian with this plan, although he doesn't seem too confident.

And with that we head RIGHT to selecting the players for the veto competition. Wow, that was quick. Frank pulls out Shane's name, while Danielle gets Britney and Dan has House Guest choice. He goes with "Jenn City". In the diary room, Dan yells that he has to throw the veto to either Britney or Shane to save both nominees...but "THAT'S NOT HAPPENING...The only person I trust in this game is myself!"

We now get a rare Jenn sighting, as she lines up an alliance with Frank. She has looked at the memory wall, and can see how just moving a couple of pieces can further both of them. "You're not here by yourself."

It's veto competition time, and it's called "Draw Something". A picture is show, and when they have figured out what it is, they are to buzz in. Each word, though, is also a clue to a punishment. To earn the points, they have to take the punishment...and there is NO helping each other.

We go through the usual "I have to win this" bullshit just in case you forgot how the Quack Pack can survive before we get going. The first work of art is worth two points, and Frank clicks in to answer "avocado". He must dye himself green to win this, which he obviously does. "Are you sure you want me out of here that bad", asks Dan.

The next prize is worth five points, and Dan correctly answers "hunger", which pisses off Britney. "This guy is super selfish." Dan must eat two of four items, but since he can "eat Chef Joe's cooking, this should be easy".

On the third picture, Jenn answers "clock", and she has 90 seconds to burn her clothes. "Death and destruction is my jam." The fourth picture is worth six points, and Britney guesses "shackle". She has to pick her partner, and she is now shackled to Danielle for 24 hours. Somehow Danielle takes this to mean that Britney wants to be beside her "every minute of every day". Um, no.

Britney is now in the lead, with Dan in second place. Round 5 is worth seven points, and Frank guesses "shower". He now has to take a chum shower for the next 24 hours. He is now in the lead, and furthers this lead by picking "carrot" for the next round. He has to wear a carrot costume for the rest of the week.

Next up is a "bench", and Frank again wins. He has to sit out the next eligible HOH, which he admits is scary but that he can't afford to lose. Dan now screams that he is "STARTING TO FEEL THE HEAT". Round eight is correctly guessed by Danielle, who has to let her fellow house guests splatter he with paint. Yes, they all enjoy this task.

We now have an eight-point round, and Dan guesses "trip". He must agree to a 24 hour trip to the "Solitary Dance Party", and now Britney is REALLY pissed. Yes, we must hear the Quack Pack story one more time.

Dan is now in second place behind Frank as we head into the final round that is worth eleven points. If Frank or Dan get this one, they win. Britney rings in, but doesn't know the answer. Frank tries to help her, but is caught and disqualified! Dan suddenly has a smile!

After commercials, we go right back to this final round, and now Dan is in the lead. Britney is "freaking out" because she will probably be his replacement nominee. The round is started over, but Britney doesn't answer in time. Jenn City rings in, and by agreeing to eat nothing but slop she beats Dan, who told her that she is safe, by a score of 14-13!

Dan now has to immediately head to isolation, where he says he has to come up with a plan. Meanwhile, Jenn and Frank hug it out for her victory. "I showed you", she says. "You're not alone in this game." She adds that taking slop for the summer "shows I am a player". They both talk about how this ensure Dan's eviction.

A dejected Dan is then shown heading into the storage room for a sad moment, complete with sad music and a teary-eyed diary room. Whatever. Frank comes by and says that he wants to talk to him, but he walks by him to enter the disco room. His plan is to just think for the whole time on how he can get out of this mess.

Even a serious episode like tonight has to have some filler, though, and we get it with the Britney/Danielle shackle segment. Never mind. Oh yeah, and Frank's chum baths.

Interestingly enough, they don't show the house attempting to communicate with Dan. Instead, we head right to the moment where his time frame is up, and everybody congratulating him. Wait, but something is wrong with him!!! He staggers out of the room, and Britney complains about the smell of the room. He heads into the lounge, where everybody babies him. (Unfortunately, they don't show "Nurse" Danielle attending to him.) He tells Britney that he wants to have a house meeting...and suddenly he is fine as the entire house is on the couch!

Cue the dramatic music as Dan welcomes them to his "Big Brother" funeral. Go back to Ash's recap of this from Sunday for everything he says, but to sum it up he says nothing but great things to everybody...but Danielle! He starts off by indicating that she is this year's Memphis, but that he was wrong. "In this game, you will never earn my trust back. You are dead to me."

Her jaw drops (god, I love this) but he will not talk game to her ever again. "This is the death of Dan the player." As he walks away, Danielle asks what was he talking about, but in the diary room he talks about his great master plan. Or is he really sick?

After a great shot of Danielle as we went in to the last commercial, we come back with that exact same shot. Jenn asks if she knew what he was talking about, but Britney and Shane both think that this is his great plan to save himself. YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT THINKING THAT, YOU DUMMIES!

Shane and Danielle head off into the bedroom so she can whimper...and whimper...and whimper. Meanwhile, Dan goes off to the HOH with Frank. It is time for step two, which is to "blow up the Quack Pack". He apologizes for Boogie, but says that he had no role in it. It was the Quack Pack, and that it was Ian who is the "ruthless" one. Yes, we get the "I kept taking heat for that kid" line. Dan then points out that the most dangerous player in the house is actually Britney, because NOBODY would put her up.

Dan then moves in to how the veto ceremony was supposed to work with the two vetoes taking down both Dan and Danielle. He adds that nobody would ever think that the two of them would ever work together. Since Jenn holds the veto, Frank offers to go see if he can convince her to use it on him. At the same time, Dan needs to go talk to Danielle. Frank is still weary, but Dan swears that everything he is saying is true.

Dan does head downstairs for "damage control" with Danielle, and tells her "I just saved us both. I had to." She hits him with a pillow and turns away from him, saying "you broke my heart. You humiliated me in front of the whole house. Dan, I would have gone home for you." Oh, bullshit. She complains that she should have been given a heads-up, but he NEEDED her to cry. Suddenly, she is smiling. Danielle asks who is the person that is going to go up, but warns her that she's not going to like what she hears.

Finally, he tells her that it is Britney, and that she will be safe "because your sympathy meter is through the roof. No one's going to touch you now." It all depends on Jenn, though.

Jenn is now in the HOH with Frank, who tells her about Ian's role as turncoat. Frank asks if she would be willing to use the veto to save Dan, but Jenn is worried about how that will make her a target. "Dan will keep you safe, I promise." Yeah, right.

It is now veto ceremony time, and both Ian and Jenn City have to go through the motions of staring at the memory wall. Ian, though, is not going to use his veto, but 24 hours after her win Jenn is reconsidering her plan to also not use it. In case you forgot what happened in the last fifteen minutes, Dan and Frank repeat everything for us.

The veto meeting begins, and as he stated, Ian does not use it. Jenn then talks about how this is a "game move", and takes down Dan! Britney and Ian's eyes light right up! Frank then gets up, calls out Ian, and says that since he can't be put up he is going to nominate his biggest ally. "Britney, pop a squat!"

As we head out, Britney is bawling like Danielle, but Ian promises to REALLY come after Frank. Yeah, right. Jenn City adds that "this is what you get when you underestimate your girl...boom!" Dan yells even louder than usual as he celebrates how his plan actually worked!!!

So that is it for tonight! What an episode! What did you think of it? Were you disappointed in what WASN'T shown, such as Danielle's nursing work or Dan's winking for the cameras? Let us know!