Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 25 Recap

“Bye bye, love.
Bye bye, happiness.
Hello, loneliness.
I think I'm a-gonna cry-y.

Bye bye, love.
Bye bye, sweet caress.
Hello, emptiness.
I feel like I could di-ie.
Bye bye, my love, goodby-ye.” - Everly Brothers, “Bye Bye Love”

Welcome, my friends, to the breakup edition of Big Brother. While there’s a lot at stake tonight, it’s inevitable that the real focus (at least from CBS) will be the forced parting of “America’s Couple”, Jeff and Jordan. I have no doubt that it’s going to be WAYYYYYYYYYYY over the top (the fact that they did a joint diary room session today is a good indication).

But let’s not forget the actual game. Regardless of which player remain after the eviction (and there’s no chance it will be Jeff), we’re winding down to the finals, so the real focus on the show should be the HOH competition. The winner will be guaranteed to make the final three…one step removed from the finals.

Let the sob story commence with the reactions to Michelle using the POV. Kevin says the veto meeting went “perfect”, and that “if everything goes as planned, Jeff will be packing his bags.” Jeff, obviously, is still pissed that his worst nightmare has come true, and complains that Kevin is “not listening to reason right now” by not agreeing to the deal that he and Michelle gave him. He says he’s “coming right at him if there’s any chance I stay on Thursday night”.

Jordan is also upset, but it’s more because their storybook romance is coming to an end this week. “The only way I imagined me and him on the green chair together is finale night.” Michelle says that since Kevin wouldn’t listen to them, their only shot is to approach Natalie. Again, we hear Natalie talk about how there’s “no blood on my hands”. Her and Kevin celebrate in the “have” room, and that everybody in the jury house is going to love Kevin.

Moving outside, the storybook love filler continues. Jeff tells Jordan to not be sad, and they both complain about how “they” got exactly what they want. Jeff adds that it’s his job to keep her spirits up, and we see him give her a pep talk. “It’s destiny that you were here to meet me, and I was not here to win…you got to think positive…stick with Michelle…stick with Natalie…play both sides and get Natalie out next week.”

Jordan responds that Jeff is the only person in the house that deserves the money because he was the only one who played the game. More importantly, she wants to know if he’ll give her a big goodbye kiss. Oh God.

We now see Natalie in the kitchen, and Jeff talks about how he needs her vote. He approaches her in the kitchen, and she comes right out and says she can’t vote for him. He attempts to talk some “sense” to her, and Kevin is seen supposedly watching them on the HOH screen. Kevin says that his “faith and future is in Natalie’s hands”, and that the stupid Pandora’s Box proved she really can’t be trusted. You think? Jeff continues on with his attempts to sway Natalie, but she says there’s no way she’d burn the “only ally I have in the house”. Unless, of course, he offers her something special.

Back to the love birds. Jordan and Jeff are snuggling in the pool room, and she says she has a feeling she’s going to be following him next week. More importantly, she adds that if Jeff does indeed have the votes to stay, she needs to know so she can wear her best outfit. Oh boy. Jeff adds in the diary room that since their time together is over, he’s looking for any opportunity to kiss her. They then “practice” for tonight’s eviction.

It’s the next day (apparently), and Jeff is again talking to Michelle about somehow making it through the week. They decide to let Natalie know that Michelle will be coming after her if Jeff is evicted. After some more back and forth, we see Natalie in the backyard with Jeff. He says they’ll “guarantee” the next HOH if she keeps Jeff. She does perk up a bit, but says she doesn’t believe Michelle will “lay down” for her. (Note to Natalie - put those legs down!) Funny how they don’t show Natalie attempting to go after the prizes they’ve already won.

After commercials, Julie introduces a wasteful segment on Michelle. Jordan and her discuss Michelle’s husband, and of course we get to meet him. Yeah, it’s the usual “it was love at first sight” testimonial, and conversations in the house are combined with his commentary. He does confirm that she has issues with her memory, and even more clips are shown to prove this. Of course, it’s tough for him to see her break down, but he believes she can win the game. “She’s kicking ass now!”

Now we move on to Julie’s interview with the house. She starts with Kevin and the dumb Pandora’s Box segment. He really is good in these segments, as he says “in any other circumstances, I wouldn’t mind being bent over and handcuffed to a box” but because money was involved he wasn’t so happy. Julie continues, and for some reason we get fish for a sec. Natalie denies that she went against Kevin, but claims that she continued to pick up money so the rest of the house wouldn’t know there was a riddle involving Kevin.

After a compilation of falls from the HOH competition, Julie asks Jeff who had the best fall. He says it’s a toss up, but says that Natalie’s was the most dramatic. Time for one more silly clip, as Natalie goes nuts over the firefly. She just CAN’T believe they showed that! Ugh.

Now we get to see Russell’s entrance into the jury house. Great, more Jessie footage. Lydia’s hair is dyed black, and Jessie babbles in a monotone about how much fun they’re having. Lydia says her “little crush” has gotten bigger, but supposedly nothing has happened between them this week. Yeah, right.

The limo finally (and thankfully) pulls up, and they both hope its’ Jeff. Russell enters babbling “technotronics”, and Lydia is “bummed out!” For some reason, Jessie rips off his shirt (again). Russell then tells the story of how he got backdoored, and adds that he believes Jessie and Lydia were hoping he got farther. Jessie also informs Russell that Natalie is actually 24, and he flips out (sort of). Lydia babbles more nonsense about this dumb lie, and they finally watch the DVD of the previous week.

Jessie actually makes sense, though, when he says that Jeff’s most crucial week is this week. Oh, and Russell also confirms that he would also possibly vote for Jeff if he makes the finals.

Thankfully, this segment concludes, and we move on to Kevin in the HOH. Julie asks about having doubts about Natalie. “I know the word ‘lie” is in Natalie’s name, so I know that she’s a little bit trustworthy…but you know what, I have no choice!” Julie follows up with the possible ramifications of breaking his word with Jeff, and he says he “had to do what I had to do”.

After another commercial break, it’s time for the final pleas. Jordan goes first, and she talks about how this is her “worst case scenario” and that she hopes they vote on who can get them farther in the game.

Jeff babbles about how you have to let “destiny take its course and for my circumstance an 18 year-old (lol) stands in the way of my destiny”. He points out that she has an opportunity to prove her loyalty tonight to not go against their deal last week, and that by keeping him she’d get a free HOH. If she doesn’t keep him, she’s riding the coattails of a “back stabber” who broke the deal he had with them. No mention of Jordan? Hmmmm.

Voting begins with Natalie, who votes to evict Jeff anyway because he evicted her “best ally” Jessie. Michelle then votes for Jordan, which means it’s all up to Kevin. Guess who he chooses to evict? Jeff, despite his “nice desperate” try. He quietly hugs everybody, and gives Jordan a little kiss on the cheek before walking out. Wow, no big PDA moment with Jordan?

After he walks out, Natalie is babbling away about her “word”, and Kevin complains that he was going to be nice “but he was the one who got dirty”. Whatever.

Julie tells Jeff that he got the first standing ovation of the season, but starts right in on whether it was a smart move to go after Russell. Jeff says that he still believes it was, and that “the worst thing that happened to me was not winning that POV”. But why did he align himself with Kevin and Natalie? Again, he just couldn’t trust Russell because “I knew he was coming after me”. Of course, we move on to Jordan. He says he didn’t give her the big goodbye kiss because “I got too fired up.” The crowd groans a bit, and we’re already finished with Jeff. Interesting.

Tonight’s HOH competition is obviously up next, and it’s the circular question “fact or fiction” game. Wow, they really have run out of competitions for this show. The first question is about whether Casey began selling “banana-themed” merchandise after his banishment. Shockingly, Jordan is the only person to select “fact”.

The second question is about Laura’s eviction interview with Julie, and whether she said she was evicted because she was “beautiful”. They all answer correctly. The third question is whether Lydia and Jessie are speaking to each other, and Natalie and Jordan answer correctly.

For question four, it’s whether Ronnie received more coup d’etat votes Chima. They also answer fact, and they all get a point. Question five is whether “technotronics” is actually a word. (Actually, Julie reads off a lengthy definition that I’ll never attempt to transcribe.) Jordan is clearly confused. Michelle is the only one to get this once correct.

The sixth question is whether Chima issued an apology about Russell. Michelle gets this one right, and she’s now tied with Jordan for the lead. The final question is whether Ronnie went to a sci-fi convention dressed in his Princess Leia costume. Natalie is the only person who correctly says “fiction”, which means we have a three way tie.

The tie-breaker question is how many total cans did all five contestants have in their tubes at the end of the game. The correct answer is 91, which means Natalie is HOH! Oh Lord! “Chima, vengence is coming to you”, she yells. Ugh. Somehow she won this competition by “keeping her word”. What? We have a long week ahead of us.

We return to the house, and Julie says the Pandora’s Box event will actually have some sort of ramifications on the game. Sure it will. Oh, and next Tuesday will be a live show for the POV competition! Natalie is already holding court as we finally end the telecast.

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 24 Recap

It’s game night in tonight’s episode of Big Brother. Besides the POV competition, a good portion of tonight’s episode is bound to center around a luxury competition called “Pandora’s Box” that is supposed to be a “game changer”. We’ll see if that’s really true, as BB producers like to exaggerate the ramifications of almost anything. Oh yeah, we’ll also see a revisit to the past as the HG’s see some strange creatures lurking behind the mirrors. Exciting stuff, I know.

Let’s start off as we always do on a Tuesday with the (predictable) reactions to Kevin’s nominations of Jeff and Michelle. “In my eyes, Kevin’s really just a snake”, says Jeff. “Let’s go to war, and let the best person win.” Kevin adds that he doesn’t care which of the two goes home, so even if one of them wins veto one of the strongest goes home.

In the storage room, Kevin and Natalie tell Jeff that he’s not going home. Oh really? Natalie says what we’ve all been saying for the last two weeks - that Jeff is dumb for thinking they were serious about a deal.

Michelle walks into the pool room, giggling as usual, and tells Jordan that she “lucked out”. Jordan doesn’t agree, and she thinks “I’ll be gone the next week”…which may be the smartest thing she’s said all season. Michelle says that she “has to win veto”, but kind of catches herself because that means Jordan would go up. She adds in the diary room that at this point she doesn’t trust anybody. The piano music continues as Jordan complain about how it “sucks” that she let Jeff down.

Moving on, the acoustic guitars commence as Jordan and Jeff are talking about how they have to win veto. Jordan says the best case scenario would be for Jordan to win veto, because Jeff would come down and then Natalie would have to go up. Jeff instructs her to try her hardest.

We then see Kevin walk into the HOH, and is shocked to see a door with a question mark. He reads the instructions that tell him to open the door to “Pandora’s Box”, which could lead to something good or bad for the entire house. He’s told to look at the screen, which instructs him to stick his hand in a hole (hehehe) to release $10,000. Dumbfounded, he babbles to himself for a couple of minutes (I’m sure as instructed by the producers) before saying he’s going to do it “because I’m a greedy bitch”. He finally opens the door, and is shocked to find a “total room”. Tentatively, he sticks his hand in the box, and screams when he’s locked in. Of course, that means it’s time for commercials.

Back from the break, we hear Kevin squealing in agony as the rest of the house is downstairs with no clue what’s going on. Michelle and others wander out to find money floating from the sky, as Kevin views from a monitor next to the box. Natalie says somebody should go get Kevin, and also that she’s always wanted “money to rain”. Jordan babbles nonsense about how money doesn’t fall from trees. What? Jeff adds that he’s stuffing it anywhere and everywhere he can.

Kevin is not happy to be stuck in the box as money falls, and after a message appears that there’s a key somewhere in the house to let him he starts screaming for Natalie and Jeff. Natalie appears in the HOH, and Kevin tells her to go look for it. She rushes downstairs, but instead of looking for the key she continues to pick up money. To say Kevin’s not happy is an understatement. “I bet if this was Jessie bent over the box, you’d be quick to help him out.” He’s probably right.

As Natalie continues to pick up cash, Jeff figures out that there has to be some kind of catch. He wanders upstairs, and Kevin wonders how he can entice him to get him out of the box. He yells out that the only way to keep the money is to find the key, because that’s the “only way” they’d help him out.

Jeff continues to pick up some cash, but is also sort of looking for the key. He finally finds it stuffed into the couch. Instead of assisting Kevin, though, he goes back outside to gather more cash. “This house is filled with some greedy folks!’

After seeing the totals of what everybody grabbed, Natalie wanders back upstairs. She believes that there’s an additional $10,000 waiting to be released, and doesn’t believe what Kevin is instructing her. She concludes that she has to steal the key from Jeff to claim the prize. Oh boy. She heads back downstairs, and Jeff immediately concludes that she knows something. She follows him up the stairs, and he’s a bit creeped out. “You’re not going to figure it out without me”, she claims. He finally releases Kevin, and he heads out to nab the few hundred bucks he can grab. Kevin again babbles about how everybody is out for themselves. Well, that was an interesting time waster - at least better than Jeff and Jordan cuteness or Natalie freaking out over bugs.

When we return, it’s POV time! Everybody has astronaut costumes, and they’ll be called out to the yard one at a time. Kevin says the Pandora’s Box contest really showed Natalie’s true colors, so he HAS to win POV. Yeah, right. He’s up first, and sure enough it’s the morph game. Funny how they don’t show the aliens that sort of scared the HG’s earlier that evening.

There’s no need to go through the play-by-play of this game, but we see Kevin sort of struggle to come up with the correct combinations. (It is funny, though, when Kevin gets catty about Laura’s “horse teeth”.) He’s pretty confident that he’ll win this game.

Natalie’s up next, and she likes her odds because the only way she can go up is if Jordan wins. She seems to do much better than Kevin, and she makes a comment about how her and Michelle would make a horrible baby. “I felt confident in my time, and I might come out with a victory.”

It’s now Jordan’s turn, and she says she has to win because Jeff has carried her in the game. As you might expect, she doesn’t do so well…but it’s all because of the alien portion of the morph because she’s really observant. Sure you are, my dear. Funny thing is that she really struggles with the morph of herself and Jeff. She knows she didn’t do well.

Before she begins, Michelle says that she HAS to win because “I’m pretty sure the house is against me”. Her strategy is to immediately jump to the board after pushing the buzzer. She appears to whip through them pretty quickly…except for the last one.

Finally, it’s Jeff’s turn. He repeats Michelle’s “win or go home” mantra, and adds a “do or die” cliché for the hell of it. He also whips through the first couple, but like Jordan he stumbles over the morphing of himself and Jordan. “Obviously, I need to spend more time looking in the mirror.” Poor Laura’s “horse teeth” are again mentioned. I bet she’s loving that right this second.

Everybody is brought back out to the backyard for the results. Kevin’s time is 3:05, but Natalie beat him at 2:55. Jordan, though, took 5:09, but Michelle jumps ahead at 1:52. It’s all up to Jeff. Unfortunately, Jeff’s days are numbered, as it took him 3:01 to complete the contest. For some reason, she starts giggling again, but she adds in the diary room that it proved that she can play this game by herself.

Jordan and Jeff are crushed, as they know that Michelle is going to take herself off the block…which means that Jordan and Jeff will be the nominees. Michelle attempts to hug Jeff, but he tells her to “get away from me”. He adds that it would have been nice for Jordan to “pull her share”, but he has to live “with the consequences”. Oh, don’t be such a sore loser, Jeff.

Cue the acoustic guitars one more time, as Jeff and Jordan are having another pity party. Jordan asks if he wants to be left alone, and he says “it doesn’t matter”. She apologizes over and over, but Jeff says he’s pointing the finger at himself. “I’m not going to talk smack. I’m not going to go out like that.’

Upstairs, Natalie and Kevin are celebrating, and Kevin notes that it’s kind of better this way. He can now tell Jeff that he had his chance to get off the block. “We need to send Michelle home” next week, and Natalie says she’s going to be fighting “100%” so she can be the one to send her home. At this point, even Kevin is rolling his eyes at this weekly pronouncement. “I believe in positive affirmations, but Natalie hasn’t won anything!”

The Jeff/Jordan pity party has moved outside, and Jordan once again sighs that she’s “so mad”. Michelle wanders out, and Jordan heads inside. Michelle says that she’s going to fight for Jeff to stay by talking to Kevin. Jeff is skeptical, but Michelle says without him she doesn’t have much of a shot at winning. Jeff is a bit confused, thinking that Michelle’s idea is to convince Kevin to put up Natalie, but she really means to fight to have Jordan evicted. Hmmmm. He asks her to talk to Kevin for him.

Jordan is now in tears as Jeff joins her back in the house. “I don’t do good under pressure at all.” She adds in the diary room that if it wasn’t for him she would have been gone a long time ago. She wants him to campaign for votes, as she thinks he deserves to stay over her. “I don’t care if you throw me under the bus.”

Operation Save Jeff then commences, as Kevin and Michelle are sitting by the hot tub. She thinks the best final three would be the two of them with Jeff because Natalie has so many friends in the jury house. He claims that he has thought about this very scenario, and being with her is one of his “better scenarios”. They both claim to believe that Natalie is sticking with Kevin only to eventually discard him. Kevin claims in the diary room that she’s making sense, but anybody watching the feeds knows he really doesn’t believe this.

With minutes left in the broadcast, it’s obviously time for the veto ceremony. As Michelle contemplates her decision (what decision?), the rest of the house dutifully comments on what they think will happen. Kevin makes it sound like he’s actually thinking about putting up Natalie. Yeah, right.

Finally, Michelle brings everybody into the living room. Obviously, she does take herself off the block, and Kevin obviously puts up Jordan. Michelle babbles that next week Kevin is her target, and Natalie babbles about how Michelle used “what little brains she has” to take herself off the block. She’s also confident that she’s going to win the $500,000! Jordan says that it “stinks” to be up with Jeff, but she still wants Jeff to stay instead of her. Jeff babbles that its’ the “worst case scenario”, and that if he stays Kevin better watch out next week.

Kevin concludes the broadcast by noting that gay cast members have historically not made good decisions in the house, so he need to make sure he made “the smartest decision”. He’s got a point there.

See you on Thursday for Jeff’s demise!

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 23 Recap

When we left Thursday night’s episode of Big Brother, the remaining HG’s (except for Jeff) were slip-sliding across the set filling giant bowls with hot chocolate. Tonight we get to see who won the competition, the winner’s nominations, and a twist involving a key that Julie promised could be “game changing”. Of course, every thing that happens on Big Brother is advertised as “game changing”.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Sorry, Andy Rooney was just on 60 Minutes, and I dozed off listening to his inane rant about people carrying backpacks. How does this man still have a gig?

Thankfully, the Sunday episode of BB has finally commenced with the beginning of Thursday’s HOH competition. Kevin immediately takes a tumble, and babbles about how it’s one “slippery graham cracker”. Natalie notices the cups have a hole in them, and informs Kevin of this fact. We then see footage of everybody taking a tumble, and Jeff says that he’s hoping for a victory from Jordan even though he has agreements from everybody. “According to everybody, I’m 100% safe.” Yeah, we’ll see about that.

Kevin says that this is his time to win because he hasn’t won “jack” yet, and both him, Michelle, and Natalie say if they don’t win they’ll be going home. Michelle adds that it’s especially important to her, as her biggest ally has just been evicted.

Of course, this brings up the footage of Russell’s eviction, and Natalie gloats that Jeff did their dirty work. Sad, but true. Michelle adds that his leaving brought on mixed emotions, and that without him it may “be game over for me”. Jeff adds that he “applauds” Russell for leaving on a classy note. Kevin gloats, but for some reason we have to see Jordan complain that her pits stink. Oh boy. Both her and Jeff also gloat about Russell’s departure. You really shouldn’t, you silly gooses.

Back to the game…and the introduction of “chocolate rain” on the contestants. Jordan stumbles over the word “slippery-er”. Kevin babbles about “consistency and rhythm”, and sure enough, he jumps to an early lead as we see Natalie stumble. Jeff adds that Jordan began at a good pace, but tired quickly and started slipping and sliding. Cue a montage of Jordan falling, and Jeff’s laughter. At one point, she falls right on her implants, and Jeff asks if she “popped a boob”.

Ok, so I’m getting bored with this footage. Kevin’s still in the lead, with Michelle right behind her and the other two falling all over the place. Michelle babbles that she just HAS to surpass Kevin. And we get even more footage of people falling…this time Natalie. She notes that with him so far ahead there’s no need for her to really try hard. At one point, she even drops her cup into the vat, which Jeff says made him lose some respect for her. Kevin’s not too happy about this fact. Please, can we get to the end?

I’m just going to jump to the end. Kevin has his vat filled, but has trouble getting the “marshmallow” out. Finally, he leans in and picks it up with his mouth. There’s a joke there, but I’ll refrain. Both Kevin and Natalie are “ecstatic”, and Jeff hopes they live up to their word. Michelle, though, is devastated to lose this “crucial” competition, and says she must refrain from crying. Too bad she doesn’t succeed at this goal. Will they show that?

After commercials, we see Natalie and Kevin celebrating…along with Kevin talking about putting up Jeff in “order to assure my security in this game”. Michelle wanders in and out of the room, and they both think about how good Michelle is at memory games. “She is smart, dude”, says Natalie.

Michelle wanders into another room, and does indeed break down in tears. Cue the piano music! In the diary room, she complains how she doesn’t have anybody to talk to…and breaks down again in there. “It’s just a game”, she mutters over and over. “It’s just a fucking game.”

Next up is the unveiling of the HOH…and yes, Kevin is excited. They all throw out compliments about Kevin’s boyfriend (husband?), and he says they need to back off. Of course, the letter from him is a tear-jerker. I really do hate this segment no matter who is the recipient.

Back to the game…oh wait, more fluff. Jordan is telling Natalie about her home life. She’s adorable, but again this is nothing but filler. BTW, is it just me or does Jordan’s diary room conversations and wide-eyed look make her look that much more younger and dumber?

Finally, we’re back to the game…or are we? Jordan and Natalie are now talking about their nails, and Natalie says that she hopes Kevin sticks to the plan. Yeah, he is…your plan. Jordan says she has a feeling that she’s going home, and Natalie says that’s not going to happen. Natalie does admit that it’s a good possibility that Jordan and Michelle will be the two put up. Jeff wanders in just as we hear Natalie say in the diary room about Kevin doing her dirty work so she has “no blood on her hands”.

At that moment, Natalie is called into the diary room, and Jordan fills her in on the conversation. “I have a feeling he might put me and Michelle up and backdoor you.” Jeff says Kevin better not break his word, and that he’s not supposed to go up at all…even if the veto is used.

After commercials, we have more filler as Jordan doesn’t know her fruit. Yes, they’re arguing about peaches and nectarine. Jordan finally asks Natalie to defend what she’s saying, but again the silly southern girl is wrong.

The next filler material is about a dragonfly buzzing around the pool, and Natalie going nuts as Kevin hunts it. Natalie tells us in the diary room how she’s afraid of bugs. Hmmm, how can somebody so afraid of showers be also afraid of bugs? Ugh.

Now Kevin is talking to Michelle how he wants to talk to everybody to “see where their head is”. She kind of blows him off, and says she’ll understand any decision he makes. Natalie walks in, and they talk about how it’s three to two (Jeff, Jordan). This disintegrates into a bit of an argument as Natalie says if Michelle had won she’d have put up Kevin and Natalie. Ooops, Jordan is also in the room, and she asks if she should leave the room. Jeff has also walked in, and we hear in the diary room that Natalie went off on Michelle to throw off Jeff.

After Natalie walks away, Michelle breaks down again. Natalie alerts the rest of the house of this fact, and they all take their shots at her. Interesting choice of footage, CBS. Are you suddenly trying to make us all love Michelle? Jeff asks if she’s this week’s intended target, and both Natalie and Kevin say the words to make him believe this to be the case. Kevin adds some lies in the diary room that everybody would love him to give her the boot.

OMG, more filler? Now Jeff is babbling about how he loves “chicks in sweatpants”. Kevin says in the diary room that he “created” a little game show about Jeff, and of course almost all of the questions he asks does not relate to Jordan. Ok, this filler is a bit funny…especially Jordan’s silly facial reactions.

Back to gameplay - now Michelle is up in the HOH with Kevin to see “where (her) head’s at”. Kevin says he can never figure out what she’s thinking. Michelle says that the “one thing she was true about” was her relationship with Jeff and Jordan, but they were the ones who went against her. Kevin wonders in the diary room if it’s smarter to get rid of a person who is alone, or break up a duo.

Now it’s Jeff and Jordan’s turn in the HOH, and Kevin tells them not to worry. “Anything that I do is not personal”, he tells them. Jordan says if Michelle survives the week that she’s going after Kevin, and Kevin agrees that she’s a threat. Jeff adds that she never shares anything with them.

Jordan leaves the room, and Jeff stays to verify that Kevin is living up to his deal. “I fulfilled my end of the deal.” Kevin responds that he’s not going to like what he has to say, and of course he doesn’t when informed that he’s going to be nominated. Jeff wants Jordan to be put up, but Kevin is worried that he’d win HOH and Kevin would have to put up Natalie in her place. Kevin adds that Jeff is not his target, and in the diary room also says it’s a “risky move”. Nice little edit on Kevin’s “I don’t know what to do” comment immediately after Jeff’s departure.

And it’s now time for nominations, and after everybody babbling about being worried (except for Natalie) Kevin calls them into the house. Wait, after the footage we just saw, Jeff still thinks he’s not going up? Something tells me somebody screwed up the editing. The first key drawn is Natalie, followed by Jordan. Jeff and Michelle are nominated!

Kevin gives the clichéd “strategic, not personal” speech, and as we the show ends he says that he “had” to put up Jeff. “If he wins the veto, then I’m screwed.” Michelle isn’t surprised because, as we all know, she’s alone. Jordan says she feels bad for Jeff, and that she “needs” him here. Jeff is clearly pissed because he broke his word, and that he needs to “step up” his game and win the veto.

See you Tuesday for the veto competition…and the “Mystery Door”!

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 22 Recap

Wow. Every time that I think an eviction episode is going to be a somewhat lackluster event, something happens during the week to add some extra tension. This week it’s Jeff’s (not so) surprising use of the POV to take down Kevin and replace him with Russell.

Since then, the house has been on edge and full of paranoia. There were two lengthy arguments involving not only Jeff and Russell, but also Jordan, but everybody seems to be questioning not only those they don’t like but even their best friends in the house.

So tonight promises fireworks. Besides the fights described earlier, Russell has been bragging all week that his plea to stay will top the infamous theatrics of Chima, Ronnie, and Casey. We’ll also see the reunion of Lydia and Jessie in the jury house, although I’d put up a lot of money that within hours she was back in his arms. Obviously, we’re going to conclude with the latest “most important HOH competition of the season”. Isn’t that what they say every week?

Here we go with the reaction to Jeff’s use of the veto (after Julie’s intro, of course). “Let the weirdness begin”, Jeff says as he closes the veto box. Yeah, Kevin and Natalie are both more than pleased, and Jeff still believes that they’ll stick to their promise to not put him up.

Russell is the last to get up from the meeting, and we hear him talk in the diary room about how now everybody knows you can’t trust Jeff as he walks into one of the bedrooms. “They picked the wrong fucking guy.”

Meanwhile, Kevin is thanking Jordan in another room, and Natalie warns her that Russell is going to work them. Natalie says in the dairy room that they still plan on going after Jeff next week. We then see the two of them do a victory dance in the storage room. You gotta hand it to these silly twits for their admittedly “bold-faced lie”.

Oooh, serious music is playing, which must mean a fight is coming. First we see Michelle breaking down in the pool room with Russell. Strangely, he’s the one reassuring her. “Seriously, I hope you win.” They hug, and we hear Michelle talk about how they’ve bonded even though she doesn’t really like him. Interesting. Russell adds that he feels like he let her down.

Russell is now seen sitting outside, and Jeff says he’s going to go “face the music”. He wanders outside and asks if he wants to talk about it. “You got to know it’s a smart move.” Russell reminds him of their final four deal, and Jeff throws out that he went against him by having a final two deal with Michelle. It escalates, and is silly…especially when Russell promises to punch him when he enters the jury house.

Shit-stirrer Natalie runs upstairs to tell Jordan what’s going on, so she sprints down as the two continue to promise to punch each other. She starts in, and Russell bitches about how she’s Jeff’s “lapdog”. “Does she always fight your battles?” Hehehehe. Gotta love Natalie’s sly smile as she watches what she created. Jeff somehow believes that Russell’s outburst helped him. I’m not so sure about that.

A bit later, Russell and Kevin are playing pool, and Russell believes that he can get Kevin to switch his vote. “Who would have thought the one kid I thought was completely worthless holds the key to my existence in the big brother house.” Kevin plays along as Russell talks about how he’d be target #1, and Kevin’s voice over attempts to give us a bit of doubt that he’ll stay loyal to Natalie.

Moving on, everybody is outside once again (two days later), and Russell is babbling lines against Jeff once again. Jordan warns Jeff to not respond, and then those two go after each other once again. She ends up so upset she charges after him and thrust her lovely chest into his. Oh god, they did show him call her a fatty. I thought for sure they’d edit that out. Again, Natalie has a nice little smile as she observes.

This should be good - the Jessie and Lydia reunion. Ugh, Jessie is in a pink leotard working out. God, I don’t miss him. We get to see him watch the goodbye messages, including Lydia bitching about how she was treated. Jesus, enough with the Jessie story.

Jessie says he hopes it’s Jeff coming in because he’s “such a ding dong”, but instead it’s obviously Lydia. She hugs him, but says she’s “so fucking mad” at him. Yeah, this is going exactly as I predicted, especially as she describes how she wanted to not only kick him but hug and kiss him.

She fills Jessie in on how Chima was kicked out (or left, depending on who you believe). They watch the video of the infamous microphone incident, and then on to Jordan winning HOH. Wow, Jessie admits what I’d been thinking all along - that if Jeff makes it to the end he may have his vote.

It’s now time for Julie to interview the house, and she starts in with the ‘weirdness” in the house. Russell has changed his tune, saying it was “part of the fun of the game”. Good for Julie to call him on that bullshit, but we quickly move on to Jordan. Her response makes little sense, as usual, but says she’s never been as mad as she was when Russell called her fat.

Kevin is then asked about whether he was surprised about being taken off the block, and he makes a pretty good crack about Jeff having a “secret crush” on him. Back to Jordan, and how she pushed Jeff away from a victory kiss. Again, she babbles nonsense. Good thing she’s cute. Jeff is asked if he faces that kind of rejection in the real world, and a bit more nonsense. We conclude with Michelle babbling about chitlins and churros. Julie announces that from this moment on, the “have not” stuff is over…although there may be more “surprises around the corner”.

When we return, it’s time for the HOH interview with Jeff. She begins by asking about blindsiding Russell, and Jeff says that with the numbers dwindling it was time for him to go because he was talking about going after him. “I had to make the move now.” He thinks it’s going to make his game (yeah, right), but that it also puts a target on him. She then asks if he’s confident that Natalie and Kevin will keep their word, but he responds that he still controls his own destiny. Finally, she asks about the bickering with Jordan, and he laughs that it’s sometimes frustrating to get her to focus on the game.

So here we go with the final speeches, and Natalie goes first. She thanks CBS for some reason, and goes into the usual “opportunity of a lifetime” cliché. She boldly says thanks to the rest of the house since they’ve all pledged to evict Russell.

Russell gets up and babbles about how he’s had a great time in the house, and tried to incorporate all of the prior villains (Dr. Will, Evel Dick, etc.) into his game. He tells them all good luck, and that “personal attacks are part of the game”. So much for the fireworks, dammit!

The voting begins with Jordan, and you know that she wants Russell out. Will Kevin make a bold move and keep him? Nope. Michelle is the last vote, and she also votes to evict her buddy Russell. It’s the first unanimous vote of the year…but they have to sit through commercials to hear the verdict.

When Julie finally does deliver the results, she attempts to make it sound like Natalie was evicted (they always do that once or twice a season). Russell hugs her first, and is actually gracious to everybody. Interesting!

Little of interest is being said as we watch the house react to Russell’s departure, and then Julie jumps right in with his classy exit. Again, we hear Russell’s theory of being a composite of former dynamic players. Whatever. She asks about Jeff turning against him, and he sort of blames it on Michelle. He also claims that he was going to uphold his final four deal, and then team with Michelle for the final push. Surprisingly, Russell acknowledges that it was a smart move on Jeff’s part.

The goodbye messages start with Jeff bitching about how “unclassy” Russell acted, and that he was a “threat” to women. Oh boy. Kevin admits he was scary, but does say he ended up being an easy guy for him to talk to. Natalie and Michelle babble nonsense, and Jordan bitches about being “disrespected…I strongly, strongly dislike you with a passion”.

You know what’s next - the “most important HOH competition of all time!” This week’s game is entitled “The S’more the Merrier”. They have to walk across a “graham cracker”, and fill a cup with hot chocolate. The winner is the person who can remove the marshmallow from their cup. What a dumb competition.

Kevin comes close to falling, which makes Jeff laugh off camera. Oh, this is going to take awhile, as they have to fill a 16 gallon bowl with 8 oz. cups. That’s it for tonight, except that Julie says there will be a “huge” HOH twist! Sign up for the live feeds now to see who wins!

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 21 Recap

Another Tuesday, another episode of Big Brother. I must admit that I’m not too excited for tonight’s episode, outside of the veto ceremony at the end of the show. Otherwise, it’s going to be nothing but filler and paranoia. Lots of paranoia. Seriously, I bet almost all of them (outside of one or two discrete shit-stirrer) are going to look like fools tonight.

You know the drill - after an over-extended recap we finally start with the reaction to Jeff’s nominations of Natalie and Kevin. Before we get to that, though, we hear Jeff whine because nobody (in other words Russell) thanked him for not putting them up. We hear again that he may end up putting Russell up. Kevin says he’s not bothered by being put up, and Natalie brags that she’s used to it because she has the record for being on the block.

Russell now heads into the pool room to talk to Jordan, who vanishes as quickly as she can. Russell notices that she doesn’t seem to want to talk to him, but she responds that he’s just being paranoid. In the diary room, Russell admits that he’s surprised that he wasn’t put up but knows that there’s a good chance he could get backdoored.

We now see him heading outside with Jeff, and tells him he appreciates that he stuck to his word. He tells him that he owes him one, and that he will never put Jeff up. Jeff says in the diary room that he doesn’t trust Russell, though, mainly because he voted to keep Jessie after Jeff used the mystery power. In case we forgot about that, CBS shows us again. Yet Russell keeps on, laughing at how the two who had the first fight are now the best friends in the world.

Meanwhile, Kevin and Natalie are buttering up Jordan, claiming that they have played a more loyal and truthful game than anybody in the house. Oh please! Jordan says that the only thing she was worried about was their reaction to getting rid of Lydia. She adds in the diary room that even though they’ve been on the other side the whole game, she now trusts them more than Russell. Both of them perk up when Jordan says she’d love to see Russell leave the game this week.

Moving up to the HOH, Jordan is now reporting to Jeff this conversation. They’re watching the spy cam, which shows Michelle staring at the wall of pictures, and paranoia creeps right on in. “She’s probably looking at my picture”, complains Jordan. Jeff says she’s just studying for a competition, and that she should do the same. They actually have a useless argument over it! So useless, in fact, it’s not worth notating the conversation.

Russell now comes up to the HOH…and the sleeping trio (Michelle, Jeff, and Jordan) don’t answer. When Michelle comes outside, Russell asks her what’s going on. They both have a nice little paranoid pity party. For the 20th time already, we hear that this veto competition is SOOOOOOOOOOOO important. We get it, CBS!

After a commercial break, we know that it’s filler time before a word is even said. The awful acoustic guitar background tells us all we need to know. Sure enough, it’s time for Kevin to talk about life as a gay guy. It’s nice and kinda funny, but there’s no need for it. Well, there’s a need because there’s not much material to fill an hour.

Back to the game - Michelle is asking Jeff and Jordan what’s going on this week, and Jeff responds with a question about how Russell is doing. Michelle says that Kevin needs to go this week, with Natalie going next week. Michelle adds in the diary room that she’s not really feeling their alliance anymore, and Jeff says that “I can’t even talk to her”. He rehashes the conversation with Jordan, and they both agree that she’s “being sneaky”. Yes, time for another tiff between Jeff and Jordan. She says in the diary room that she “don’t like this Jeff”. Jeff adds in the DR that he gets “all the blood on my hands” for what they both do. Michelle returns during this conversation, and for some reason hugs Jordan. Time for another little tiff.

They eventually talk game, and Jordan complains that Michelle is spending a lot of time talking to Russell. Um, why wouldn’t she? They’re all on the same team! Jeff pounces on Michelle using the word “we”, and informs her that she’s not safe if she’s on his team. What?

Jordan is now seen downstairs talking to Natalie and Kevin about Russell. She confirms that one of them will be going off the block. When Jordan leaves, Kevin points out that they are the last two of their alliance. In the diary room, Kevin adds that they are willing to say anything to save themselves, and if Jeff and Jordan are dumb enough to believe them “the first chance we get we’re going to stab them in the back”.

Finally, the all important “most important POV of the game” is about to commence. The HG’s head outside to see the backyard transformed into a jungle-ish setting, which leads Jeff to ask if Casey is going to be around. Sure enough, Banana Man is back in the house! Or at least his voice, “rapping” the instructions to the game. Jordan is confused by the name of the game - “Otev”, or “veto” backwards.

So the game is played by answering questions that Casey raps. Ugh, the one thing about Casey that I hate! They have to race and find a banana with the answer on it, and the last person to find it in each round is eliminated. After listening to everybody again talk about how important this competition is for their survival, the first question is asked. Jordan falls on her butt (nice),

The game is made more difficult in the fact that they have to race up a slick platform. Natalie has problems making it up, and Jeff jumps ahead of her. Michelle and Jordan are having problems finding the right banana, but Michelle finds it first. Once again, she falls in a competition before finally pulling herself up. Jordan finally gives up, and slides down on her ass. She complains that Jeff is going to be pissed at her again.

The second rap is about Jessie, and Michelle says that because of the first round she knew exactly where a Jessie banana was lying. Natalie is the last one up the platform, and she is pissed that she again lost. “This is a competition I should have won!” Ugh. She continues to complain as she takes her seat next to Jordan.

Round three is about Laura’s eviction, and all I can say is they are really extending the time of this game. Do we really need to see every second of every round (oh, I know it’s still being edited, but you know what I mean). Russell is the last up this time, and is eliminated. He says he’s “praying that somehow Michelle brings home the veto”.

Now we hear Casey rap about himself, and Kevin makes a nice little joke about how it must be Casey because the riddle included the term a “fruit” and he’s still in the house. Yet Kevin is the last one up, leading to a battle between Jeff and Michelle.

The final round is about Braden, and Russell babbles about how he feels pretty safe. Jeff is babbling that he had found it when he really hadn’t, which Michelle says annoyed her. Jeff adds that he knows she “gets rattled pretty easily”, but Jeff beats her to the top with the correct answer. Jeff has won the POV! More useless babbling ensues. Yeah, we know Russell hopes the nominees stay the same, and others hope Jeff uses it. Natalie, in particular, has a grating voice tonight.

When we return, Kevin is congratulating Jeff, who asks if he believes in him now. Kevin says he wants to come off the block, and Jeff says his wish may come true. Michelle then enters, and she also congratulates him but adds “it doesn’t matter which one of us won”. She continues to kiss his ass a little more as they head out with snacks.

Russell now comes into the pool room to talk to Michelle, and says he’s going to be “fucking pissed” if he’s put up. Michelle complains that one of “them” (Natalie and Kevin) needs to go home. Russell says that he hasn’t directly asked Jeff if he’s going up, but if he does there will “be hell in this house”.

Jordan is up in the HOH, and babbles about how she’s been praying to God every night that her and Jeff do good in the house. Ugh. Somehow, God has told her that either Michelle or Russell needs to go. Double ugh.

Jeff is next seen talking to Kevin and Natalie, and they want to know if the plan is still in effect. Jeff wants some assurances, and that he can’t be put up if he saves them. How can he possibly believe them? After they move into the kitchen, Natalie immediately says they HAVE to put up Jeff next week. So much for complete honesty and loyalty!

Russell is now outside alone, and Michelle joins him. Russell again complains that he has no idea what is going on. Yeah, it’s the same conversation we just saw them have, although Russell is pretty accurate when he points out that Jeff would be digging himself a big hole by putting up either Michelle or himself.

Finally, it’s time for the veto meeting. Oh wait, we don’t. Jordan says she’s going to sleep downstairs to give Jeff some space. After a little bit of back and forth, Jeff reassures her that he cares about her. More sweet music as Jordan talks about how Jeff has been so great to her, and we see them kiss each other goodnight. What a sweet happy ending to tonight's secondary plot.

Now we get the meat of the hour. After a rehash of the same things we’ve heard for the past hour, Jeff calls everybody into the living room. Both Natalie and Kevin babble the usual pleas, and Jeff then announces that he’s going to use the veto on Kevin. Jeff then announces Russell as the replacement nominee! He then babbles again about the Jessie vote, and that he was getting too close to Michelle (ugh). “You’re the stronger competitor in my eyes. This is the Big Brother game, and it’s going to be a weird couple of days”.

Obviously, Kevin is ecstatic. Jeff knows that there’s going to be fireworks the next couple of days, while Michelle says she needs to separate herself from Russell. Yeah, Russell is pissed, and says that Jeff is an idiot. “Congratulation, you’re up next.”

That’s it, folks! Tune in for the fireworks on Thursday!