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Entries in Episode Recap (114)

Wednesday
Aug312011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 24 Recap

Judging by the comments posted after my last recap, more than a few people aren’t big fans of my cynical views of the past few episodes. Sorry, but it is just tough to be excited about a season with lackluster contestants and a heavy-handed production team that has meddled way too much throughout the entire run of the show.

I will give the production team a little bit of credit, though. This past episode was one of the few times that they tossed the tired template that has plagued the Sunday and Wednesday shows for the last few years. Instead of the show’s timeline running from post-eviction episode to nominations, over half of Sunday’s broadcast dealt with pre-eviction AND eviction episode activities. Also, Sunday’s conclusion was the veto “meddling” instead of the usual nomination ceremony.

This means that tonight’s episode will commence with the reactions to the Porsche’s announcement of the Pandora’s Box fiasco, and will also include nominations and veto competition before ending with the veto ceremony. For you readers, I’m going to attempt to be a bit more positive than usual. I may not succeed at this plan, but I’ll do my best. Really, I will.

So let’s get going with the predictable…I mean giddy reactions to the new duos twist. (See, I caught myself.) Porsche admits that she “regrets opening the Pandora’s Box. I was strong in a four person alliance. I sold them out for five g’s, and I cannot believe that I’m responsible for bringing the horrible duo twist back to Big Brother.” Kalia asks Porsche what enticed her, and Jordan answers for her – “it was money”. In case you’re not sure what’s going on, Kalia then describes that this new twist would bring both Jordan and Rachel off the block if they win the veto.

Porsche and the rest of the noobs congregate in one of the bedrooms while Rachel and Jordan head outside to celebrate. It’s a “new lease on life”, says Rachel. Jordan doesn’t look as excited as Rachel, however, because she wonders what Porsche wants. She wants a HOH with a Pandora’s Box. Rachel continues on, talking about how things haven’t gone well for them the last few weeks but they can turn it around by a veto win. “If…I mean when we win the veto, Shelly and Adam go up…this is our chance for redemption”. (I’m refraining from commenting here.)

Back in the bedroom, Kalia complains that all was perfect yesterday. “It’s still perfect now”, replies the ever-optimistic Adam. Porsche admits that she received five thousand bucks, and Kalia is shocked. Shelly, though, looks a bit down, and when Porsche asks her what is wrong she says she’s trying to figure out who should go up. Um, Shelly, that decision has been made for you already. In case the viewers don’t understand, Adam explains that the noobs HAVE to win the veto to ensure that either Rachel or Jordan goes home. Shelly now figures it out, and whines that Porsche has more “stuff in her chest than in her head”. Once out of the room, Porsche informs Kalia that she also received five thousand bucks. Kalia, as you may imagine, is not so bummed now.

It’s now nomination time, and even Jordan realizes that this is just for the cameras. It’s all about winning the veto. We still go through the motions, though, and Rachel and Jordan are put up. The segment ends with everybody promising to win the veto.

After a commercial break, Rachel and Jordan are commiserating over a comment that Porsche made in the ceremony on how they never talk to Porsche. They decide that they will indeed befriend her, but Jordan wants to wait a bit. Rachel is still saying that they HAVE to win the veto. Yes, we get it already. (Ooops, sorry.)

Jordan finally does head upstairs to talk to a surprised Porsche and Kalia. “Since they’re all outside smoking, can we just talk and get it over with?” Hmmm, interesting intro. Rachel joins them, and Jordan says in the diary room that Rachel “is the worst at talking to people”. Jordan babbles a mile a minute about how everybody has been carrying Adam and Shelly all week long. Jordan even throws in a Rachel gig, which makes Rachel laugh. The idea is to make a final four deal. Porsche admits in the diary room that she doesn’t want to work with them, but is still winning. They duo leave, and Kalia and Porsche are once again feeling pretty good about themselves.

We now switch to Shelly in the bathroom, and Jordan walks in. Shelly says hello, but Jordan ignores her. Shelly admits that she is hurt, and heads outside to talk to Adam. She tells him that she made a big move, and although many others were involved she is taking the heat. Her goal is to “write a new story, and give it a better ending”. She continues on about how the game is not “about being safe”, but Adam admits in the diary room that he’s not that interested except for the fact that it is furthering his game. This carries on as Shelly says in the diary room that she is only playing for her husband and child, and “they haven’t seen ruthless yet. They will, because I will fight to win that veto and I will fight to watch them go out of this house.”

It is veto competition time, and there’s no meeting ahead of time since everybody will be playing. They walk out to see dummies of their original partners. After a few witty comments about seeing these ousted players once again, Porsche describes how they all have to hang on to their old partners once again. Yes, yes, yes, this is the “most critical veto of the season”.

The buzzer rings, and the players are lifted up in the air. Rachel notes that most of the players are primarily using their arms, and she’s going to do what she does best – wrap her strong legs around “Brendon” and hold on tight. Sure enough, in less than three minutes Adam and Kalia are already struggling. It’s quite funny to hear Adam again say that he HAS to win this veto, and then almost immediately drop off at the 4:34 mark. Shelly says she’s “absolutely disgusted”.

At the 8:37 mark, Jordan also drops. Now Rachel is a bit bummed, but she is going to pull it out for the two of them. Around the ten minute mark, Kalia farts…yes, really, although she denies it. Shelly begins to struggle at the twelve minute mark due to her back and arms. Jordan mouths to Rachel how sorry she is, but also notes that Shelly is about to fall…which she does at 12:02. She now has to rely on Porsche and Kalia, and Rachel begins to whine about the floaters just coasting by.

After they past the 16 minute mark, Rachel remarks that she is not going to come down, and Porsche is now struggling. She drops at 18:33. It’s now between a whining Kalia and Rachel. Yeah, you know how this turns out, even with Rachel claiming that she is slipping. Rachel again calls out to Kalia that she is going to win this one, and Kalia cracks a joke on how she knows how much Rachel loves to hang on Brendon. (BTW, Kalia also adds a diary room crack on how his name is Brendon, not “Brennnnon”.) Kalia finally drops at 32:09, meaning Rachel has indeed won the same competition she won in the first week! “This is for Brendon! This is for Jeff!” Porsche feels guilty for taking the Pandora’s Box as she has to now put up Shelly and Adam.

When we return from another commercial break, everybody is heading back in after the veto comp. Shelly knows that she has to “do some swift talking and some good planning or I’m going to be heading out the door”. She heads into a bedroom, while Rachel and Jordan celebrate in the storage room. Rachel loves the fact that the “two backstabbing floaters” will now be on the block. Jordan complains about how bad she was in the comp, but also says they can’t listen to Shelly’s bullshit.

Adam is in a bedroom complaining about how awful he has been throughout the entire season, especially being the only guy left. Back to the celebration, as the girls laugh at how excited their boys will be when they see Shelly walk into the jury house. Rachel continues bashing Shelly for dropping so fast when her “life” depended on it, but Jordan doesn’t like that as she also dropped pretty quickly. Rachel points out, though, that Shelly hasn’t won anything “or done anything special” all season. Rachel’s goal is to evict Shelly this week. “From this point forward, Jordan, it’s me and you.”

Porsche and a bandaged Kalia are whining in the storage room, but Kalia’s goal is to separate Jordan from Rachel. “Remember, I’ve never broken my word to her.” She also points out that Shelly and Adam have done nothing all season. “Honestly, they’re no better than Jordan.” Since Plan A didn’t work, they have to move on to Plan B, which is working with Rachel.

Shelly finally moves out of the bedroom, and heads into the have-not room to ask Jordan if they can talk. “You gonna jump down my throat”, she responds. Shelly says in the diary room that she wants to clear the air with somebody she respects so much if she is indeed leaving this week. Jordan apologizes for her part in Thursday’s fight, and Shelly breaks down in tears as she claims that she realized in the past week that she was putting Jeff and Jordan ahead of her own family. “I actually tortured over this decision. At the point of it happening, I knew that were insurmountable consequences and I have paid the ultimate price for it.” She adds that at the end, Jordan would have made the same move if it was between her and Jeff. Jordan responds that she was at her “breaking point”, and although they hug and make up, Rachel says she doesn’t think she could ever trust her again. “I’ll forgive Shelly, but I definitely won’t forget.”

After another break, Shelly is back to work on Rachel and Jordan. She says that if they work together, she knows that she won’t make the final two. “You guys will be in complete control, but if I can help you guys get where you want to go, I am happy to help. I can only beg for forgiveness. I can’t change what has happened.” Rachel, who had been grinning through this entire speech, says that they will need help with the votes in the next round. She wants Kalia out next, and Shelly vows on God and her family that she will not go against the two of them. Shelly does not want Kalia, Porsche, or Adam in the final two slots. She even says that she’ll quit if it is between her and either of them to make the final HOH. In the diary room, though, she admits that she’s just doing whatever it takes to make it further in the game.

It is now time for the veto ceremony, and although they still have Rachel and the rest of the house goes through the motions, there is only one possible outcome. Rachel indeed takes herself and Jordan off the block, and they’re replaced by Adam and Shelly. We leave with the usual celebrations from Rachel and Jordan, and promises of fighting to survive from Shelly and Adam.

So that’s it! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Your thoughts on the Pandora’s Box twist? Shelly’s apology? The worthlessness of Adam in any competition? Was I positive enough for you guys this time? Any other comments? Please let us know!

Sunday
Aug282011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 23 Recap

To say that I’m not excited about tonight’s episode would be quite the understatement. Events in and out of the house have soured me on this season, and what should be an interesting episode is dirtied by the knowledge of what happened after tonight’s events were taped. It’s a shame on many levels, especially after the excitement and fun of Thursday’s double eviction episode.

I have a job to do, however, so here I sit in front of my television on a cloudy Sunday evening. We’re going to be shown a HOH competition, a few flashbacks, and tears. A lot of tears. A lot of whining. We’ll even see a screamfest or two.

Unlike most shows, we actually start a day before the live eviction show with Rachel heading up to the HOH. She asks Jeff if it is true that he threw the “cornhole” competition. Jeff denies saying it OR doing it. Rachel reiterates that since it has to do with her fiancé, obviously she is going to be upset. Jeff gets upset, even though it is true. He adds that he is “heartbroken” because apparently he talks “night in and night out with his heart” to Shelly, but she must not actually be on his side.

We jump to two hours before the eviction episode, and Shelly and Daniele are all smiles as the cast heads out of the HOH lockdown. Jeff says that he’s had “just about all I can take of Shelly and her buddy buddy with Daniele. Enough is enough. If you’re not working on that side, why are you talking so much to her? I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Shelly approaches Jeff and asks “what is up your ass today, meanie deanie”. Jeff replies, “too much fucking back and forth. I don’t like it anymore. Everybody’s best friends.” He walks away, and Shelly knows that somebody has “spilled the beans”.

We’re now ninety minutes from the episode, and Shelly asks Adam how he’s voting. Adam says he’s still voting out Daniele, and Shelly asks if he’s been telling Jeff about their conversations. She presses him, and he says that Jeff is just getting paranoid. Adam adds in the diary room that he wants the final four to be him, Shelly, Jeff, and Jordan.

Adam starts playing around with Jeff, and he pulls him into the purple room to confer about what Shelly is up to. He rats out Shelly, and somehow Shelly overhears and interrupts them. She starts yelling at Jeff and says she’s “done nothing but be a horse, go in, and do everything. Now all of sudden you’re think I’m doing a swithcerooni”.

For the first time ever, Adam stands up to himself and asks Shelly if she wasn’t rustling votes for Daniele. “You’ve been in on the plan the whole time”, Shelly responds. “Did I say yes to it”, he asks. “Yes, you did!” Um, no. Adam walks out and Shelly continues to claim she’s been doing his work behind his back.

The argument moves into the hallway as Jeff points out that she hung herself by admitting to something that Jeff and Adam weren’t even talking about. “You just told on yourself.” Shelly’s response is that EVERYBODY but Jeff and Jordan has been in on the plan. This goes on and on, and in the diary room Shelly admits that she’s basically telling Jeff what she hopes he wants to hear to get back on his good graces. Good luck to that.

It’s now one hour before the episode, and Jeff asks Kalia to leave the room so he can talk to Adam, Jordan, and Rachel. Adam continues to narc off the rest of the house, and Jordan asks how he is voting. “I’m voting Daniele out.” Once again, Shelly overhears and walks in asking to sort out their situation. Jeff says they were on a team, and Shelly again deflects the blame to Adam. Round two is similar to round one until Adam starts laughing. Shelly asks why he’s laughing, and he says it’s due to her “spinning”. This is by far Adam’s best episode as he repeats over and over “why do you want to keep Dani so bad?”

Shelly finally drops the obvious fact…I mean bombshell…that nobody can possibly win at the end next to Jeff and Jordan. Jeff’s mouth drops to the floor, and Jordan says she is “in shock. I’m super disappointed. I think she used our big hearts to get her farther in the game.” Shelly goes on, claiming that Adam has been in these talks with Dani just as much as everybody else has. “Everybody has to explore their options in this game.”

Jeff retaliates by asking why she told Rachel about the thrown competition. Shelly responds that Dani told her that, but Jeff says she should have asked him if that was true. Meanwhile, Porsche and Rachel are seen in other parts of the house listening in. They both agree that they don’t want to deal with the fight.

Meanwhile, Jeff starts in on how Shelly rides the fence way too much. We’ve been saying that all season, Big Jeff! “Jeff, I can explore whatever I want.” It finally ends with Shelly walking out of the room, and Jeff walking past her saying it hurts. “It hurts me, too”, she responds.

After commercials, we recap the events of the live episode starting with the announcement that it is a double eviction week. Shelly mumbles something about how it is the worst week for it, and she’s as “scared as a cat on a hot tin roof”. Hmmm, I could have some fun cat lady comments to accompany that remark but I’ll refrain. The footage of Daniele being evicted is shown, and Kalia compares it to the “most bittersweet drink” because she is safe but is losing her best friend. Jeff doesn’t feel bad, obviously, and Shelly knows that her vote for Daniele means she has completely burned her bridge with Jeff.

They listen to the cheers for Daniele, but Jeff is still seething. Jordan says she HAS to win this HOH to protect Jeff and Rachel. She tells Rachel she’s ready to go! We then see Jordan losing to Rachel, who says she HAS to make it a good one. Obviously, Shelly also feels good about this win, but Jordan is bummed because she knows Jeff is “super disappointed”.

Adam is also bummed as it was an HOH “I should have won”. Um, you were out first, big boy. “Not just for me, but for my team.” Again, when did you go out? Yes, you were the only one who missed the first question. Shelly is conferring with Kalia and Porsche on what to do, and her idea is to put up Jeff and Jordan. Kalia says it is better to put up Jeff and Rachel, especially as she does have a promise to never put up Jordan.

Kalia announces her nominations, and Rachel says it is because she is scared of both of them. Rachel promises to win the veto, but instead it is my girl El Camino! Porsche thanks her dad for taking her to the ball pit as a kid, because the scripted lines say it “paid off”. Rachel is “100% convinced” that she is going home as she is “public enemy number one”. As they walk in, Jeff reminds Porsche that he saved her the previous week. Porsche shrugs it off as meaning nothing, and Jordan starts crying. “It’s only fair that Porsche would use the veto to save Jeff this time.” Instead, Porsche heads into the storage room to do a little dance.

Obviously, Porsche doesn’t use the veto, and Jeff obviously complains about the move. “Do you have any idea who you are right now?” Yes, Jeff, she’s the person booting you out of the game. Jeff tells Adam that he needs Shelly’s vote. Jeff pulls Shelly aside and asks if she’s going to vote him out. Shelly wants to rehash their earlier fight, and he commands Adam to vote for him. She complains about how he has treated her, and that she should give him another chance.

Julie announces that the votes are a tie, and Jeff immediately looks at Adam and asks “you didn’t vote for me”. Adam says he did vote for him before Kalia gets up to make the decisive vote. Rachel is shocked, and thinks her and Jordan are screwed. As Jeff gives out his hugs, he complains about people’s characters, and Shelly reiterates how the only way she can win money is to evict Jeff. “That was the hardest decision I’ve had to make in the game.” Jordan says on a scale of one to ten on anger, she’s at a twenty.

Jeff heads out, and Jordan hustles away in tears. She asks Rachel who voted against Jeff, and complains how they “have nobody”. Shelly is also crying, and both Porsche and Kalia tell her she did the right thing. Somehow, though, Kalia is able to be cocky about being the person who eliminated Jeff. Adam is still destroyed that Jeff didn’t believe his best friend in the world voted for him, so he makes sure that Jordan knows it wasn’t his vote.

Adam goes off into the purple room to feel sorry for himself, and Jordan and Rachel join him. “Oh my god, how did that happen”, cries Jordan, who also complains on how she gave up her phone call from home to Shelly. “I was so stupid for trusting Shelly.”

Shelly is also still in tears, and Kalia tells her there “is no crying in Big Brother”. Shelly gets on her soapbox once again, and says she has to “fight for my family”. Jordan is still complaining about how stupid she was to befriend Shelly, and this time Shelly hears it and says if that is what she really thinks then she doesn’t know her. “When you calm down, then we can talk.” Shelly says she’s not playing Jeff’s game, and feels like shit, too. Jordan jumps up and starts screaming at Shelly, and for the first time ever Rachel plays the peacemaker by pulling her into another bedroom.

It’s finally time for the HOH competition, and it is a variation of the snake game they’d been practicing all week. Jordan feels that it is an accurate representation of the Big Brother house, as Jordan and her are “surrounded by them”. The players have to roll a ball down the snake to it’s “eye socket”. If they don’t make it, their score is what hole the ball falls into underneath the platform.

Jordan starts off and gets a 18. Porsche is the second player, but her ball lands on the 11. Rachel’s score is a 13, while Shelly makes it to 16. Adam’s ball immediately falls at four. This round set up the rankings for the actual competition, though.

Adam now goes up against Porsche. He gets a ten, and Porsche has an easy path to win her round. She gets a 14 to move to the next round. Yes, once again Adam is the first one out.

Now Porsche goes up against Rachel, and Porsche hits a 20. Rachel now has to make it into the snake’s eye, but almost immediately drops at seven. “I just wanna go home”, she says on the sidelines. Porsche now goes against Shelly. Jordan hopes that Porsche loses so that she can go against Jordan. Instead, Porsche makes it into the snake eye, and Shelly’s ball drops at fifteen. It’s now Porsche versus Jordan. After hearing form Rachel how Jordan is playing “for our lives”, Porsche…oops, commercial time.

Ok, we’ve returned from the break to see Porsche’s ball slowly make it’s way right into the snake eye once again! Jordan has one last chance, but her ball drops at sixteen. Porsche is HOH! Go El Camino! “Now I get to make the decisions in the house!” Well, as we shall see later, not so much.

Porsche and Kalia start doing the worst dances known to mankind as Rachel and Jordan continue their tearfest. “Goodbye, Big Brother house”, Rachel complains as she heads into the bedroom. Shelly nabs Adam, and, of course, all is forgiven as it is officially time for Adam to jump sides once again. “I need to go where there is the most protection”, he explains.

Jordan and Rachel continue to cry, and Rachel doesn’t understand why she is suddenly so terrible at this game. Jordan wants to just give up, as “day 55 will go down in history with me as the worst day ever. I lose every competition, and Jeff leaves this house. I’ve cried so much that I can’t even cry no more.”

Now it is time for Big Brother to do it’s job to ensure that their ratings makers last a bit logner. Porsche heads into the HOH to find a pandora’s box. “Awesome”, she squeals. Porsche reads the card that states the usual crap about how the box could mean something good or bad. “Hopefully, good for me”, she says. The screen shows two boxes with $5,000 written on them, and a bottle of champagne with two glasses. “I like champagne”, she reasons. She opens up the card, and it says to claim the prize she must decide whether to open the box.

She thinks about it a few seconds, and wonders if there could be something bad. She decides to go for it, and has to open another card. She has to split the ten grand, and has to grab another envelope to read to the rest of the house. She’s now pretty nervous as she pulls everybody into the living room. The card states that she has “unleashed the duos twist back on the house for one week”, and “all the original duo rules apply”. Duos are nominated as a pair, and if the veto is used they will be removed from the block as a pair. Suddenly, Rachel’s tears are gone, and Shelly is pissed!

The card concludes with the statement that everybody must pick their partners, and this is where everything dies for Porsche. Rachel and Jordan obviously team up, as does Porsche and Kalia. That leaves Shelly and Adam. This basically takes away Porsche’s HOH week, as the smart move for her would have been to have Jordan and Rachel paired with her and Kalia. Instead…well, let’s just say nice job, CBS!

Porsche knows she’s screwed, and Rachel knows this is the greatest thing in the world! Kalia says she’s pissed that Porsche went for the Pandora’s Box. Jordan says it “feels so good to know that there is a chance for me and Rachel to pair up together, fight together, and get who we want out”. Yes, meaning Shelly.

The episode ends with the announcer saying that there will be an “epic” battle for veto shown on Wednesday. Um, no. Anybody who has viewed the live feeds knows this is not the case, as you will see in three days. Until then, let us know what you think of this episode? Is Shelly really a snake? Is the Pandora’s Box a convenient way for the producers to keep in the vets? How about Adam’s almost perfect record as the first out of every competition?

Thursday
Aug252011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 22 Recap

Tonight marks a true rarity when it comes to CBS broadcasts of Big Brother. As I’ve complained all season, the producers work under a never-changing template. Ask me the time of a particular moment on any show, and I can generally tell you exactly what they’re going to show. Even the eviction episode is pretty predictable as the evictee is obvious the moment the veto ceremony concludes.

That’s not true for tonight’s episode. Yes, there is a double eviction, and that’s always a bit unpredictable. It’s not just that fact that makes tonight a crap shoot, though. Due to some unusual moves the last two days, it is not entirely clear who is even going to be the first evictee of the night. Even a few of the conversations held in the house earlier today are inconclusive. One set of viewers claims it points to one person; another says we could see a huge surprise.

Unfortunately, we won’t see much of the maneuvering that led to this situation, as the double eviction drastically cuts into the small amount of time that’s reserved for post-veto activities. After Julie’s explanation of how double eviction works, we jump to the reactions to Jeff replacing Porsche with Daniele. She immediately heads out of the room so she doesn’t say “things that will sink my ship”. She is going to campaign even though Kalia is her best friend.

Rachel gets out her usual lines about hating Daneile, and Porsche says it sucks to have to “pick between the two friends I have in the house”. Kalia knows that Daneile is the real target so she’s going to lay low, but it “really sucks” that her good pal is being taken away from her. Jeff adds that he will be “shocked” if Daniele doesn’t leave, and it will mean his alliance has “flipped” if that does happen.

Well, the fun starts right away, as Daniele joins Shelly in the backyard. Shelly asks how she’s doing, and Daniele’s response is that she’s not going to “roll over”. She says that it all comes down to getting Adam and Shelly’s voice, and she jumps right into letting Shelly know that Jordan, Rachel, and Jeff are the guaranteed final three. She asks if she has any shot at Shelly’s vote, and Shelly says yes but she wants to be assured that Daniele won’t put her up. “If you keep me in this house, you have my word on my grandmother’s life I will never nominate you. Ever.”

Shelly says in the diary room that Jeff and Jordan are by far her biggest allies, but if she goes to the finals with them she’ll get “zip”. She starts bawling about how she has to go against “the two people that have given me the greatest gift in the game, their friendship, but I don’t think I have any other option.”

Jump ahead a day and we see the second day of Shelly’s interrogation of Adam. She rolls out the facts of how they’re the low points of their alliance with Jeff and Jordan, and Adam admits she makes good points. Adam is not convinced, though, and says he doesn’t know if he can trust Daniele. Shelly is flabbergasted. “You’re not going to win against Jeff and Jordan! This is for a half million dollars! This is for all the metal concerts you ever want to go to!”

Adam is now lifting weights with Jeff, with Shelly and Daniele looking on. Daniele asks if he has a deal with them, and when Shelly says no she adds that he’s just “in love with them”. Shelly fills her in on her earlier conversation with Adam, and says she wants “him to be strong enough to make a big move. If he’s not, he’s not going to win”. Daniele is pissed that she’s going home because that “doofus” is the deciding vote.

We jump ahead again to last night, and Adam and Jeff are practicing the game that Big Brother has provided. Adam says that in case it is the HOH device, he’s “going to practice all night”. Shelly is now sitting with Rachel, and she starts to, believe it or not, work on Rachel. She hits Rachel right where it hurts by telling her that Jeff threw the “cornhole” game that led to Brendon’s departure. Rachel is pissed! “If they screw over Brendon like that, they’ll probably try to screw me over.”

Rachel heads inside, and asks to talk to Daniele to investigate. Daniele says that it is true, and Rachel then asks about joining her and Porsche in a team. As much as she hates her guts, Rachel says it “might be a better game move”. Rachel asks if she has the votes, and when Daniele says she has Shelly’s vote, Rachel says no. Daniele is shocked that she has “a glimmer of hope in red extensions and furry boots. I will do anything to stay, even if that means making a deal with the devil.”

Shockingly, Julie Chen lets us know that the house just “exploded” when Jeff learned that Shelly has done this work on Daniele’s behalf. We then head into the house and Julie announces the double eviction. We jump right to the final pleas, and Daniele begins. She starts with the usual thank yous, and being that she is supposedly the only person in the house with a love and respect for the game she deserves to stay. Say what? “It also saddens me that these people are too afraid to stand on their own two feet and make a stand, and use the brain the Good Lord has graciously given them. I came here to play a game that I love, but unfortunately other people had a different agenda. That agenda is to sit around for the entire summer to write Jeff and Jordan a paycheck. So congratulations!” Wow!

Kalia gets up and admits she can’t follow that, so “vote for me”. She sits down and voting begins with Jordan, who obviously votes to evict Daniele. Porsche is next, and she votes to evict Kalia, as does Shelly. So here’s the crucial vote – who does Rachel vote for? She votes against “bad game play and backstabbers”. Yes, she votes against Daniele, as does Adam. Daniele is evicted 3-2!

Julie announces the decision, and hugs only her friends before saying “step it up, people”. After both saying the silly “shocker”, Julie asks about what went wrong and we get a repeat of her final plea. “Adam is the worst player to ever play this game!” Julie points out that she looked like she was coasting but screwed it up by making a play after Jeff. “I’m not a coaster.” We jump right to the goodbye messages, and Shelly says she is “really impressed with her”. Jeff jokes about being her “best friend”, and Kalia breaks down crying as she talks about making a great friend. She promises to make sure that Rachel sees her “stupid fiancé” real soon. Of course, Rachel is all giddy and says she doesn’t care about her “stupid jury vote”. She hates her, and says she’s not “half the game player your dad was”. Oh boy.

It’s now HOH time, and as expected it is a question game called “Before or After”. Julie names two events, and they have to say if the first one was before or after the second event. Everybody gets the first answer correct, but Adam is out on the second question. Everybody but Jordan and Kalia get the next question wrong, but Jordan messes up the final question making Kalia the winner! Wow! She grabs Porsche and Shelly to confer as we go to a commercial!

When we return, Rachel is sitting by herself as the others are wandering around. Julie brings them into the living room, and Kalia nominates Jeff and Rachel. After another commercial break, we head out to the veto contest. Joining Kalia, Jeff, and Rachel is Porsche, Shelly, and Adam. This competition is called “Clowning Around”, and the players have to find clown shoes in a vat of balls. Rachel si the first to find one, followed by Shelly, Adam, and Porsche. Jeff finally finds one, and Porsche is the first to grab one to secure the victory! Nice work, El Camino! Jordan is in tears, and Adam grabs a quick smoke as we head to commercials.

Julie again gathers the troops, and Adam informs Porsche where to stand. Rachel gets to make a final plea, but she doesn’t know what to say. She says it would be a good choice to save her, but if not “good game everyone”. Jeff says his “action speak for themselves”, and says she “has nice hair, too”. Porsche makes the obvious decision not to use the veto…and we go to yet ANOTHER commercial!

Time is winding down as head to our second eviction. Jeff is yelling at Shelly as Julie calls them into place, and Rachel looks to be having a meltdown. Rachel gets to make a second plea, and she doesn’t make a lot of sense (as usual). Jeff says it is “simple” – and points to Adam and Shelly as people that need to vote for him despite one fight. Jordan is still bawling. “Respect me, and respect Jordan.”

Jordan is the first to vote, and obviously votes to evict Rachel. Porsche is next, and votes to evict Jeff. Adam’s vote is also obvious, as he votes against Rachel. Shelly is in tears as she votes to evict Jeff. It’s all up to Kalia! Wow! She says that Jeff is “awesome” but she has to evict him! He tells Jordan to “stay strong” and heads out the door. Jordan is crying that she has “nobody” on their side to Rachel, and Porsche counsels Shelly.

Julie asks if the backdoor of Daniele was a bad move, and he says it wasn’t. “Nobody in there has a sack. I don’t know if I can say that, but they don’t. I’m the only one who would have did anything in this game, and I had to step up to do something. And a couple of people who slept until now - it’s day 55 - they just woke up in there, won a couple of competitions.” Ok, enough as he rambles on. “I’m a little fired up, Julie.” The interview ends without the start of the next HOH competition. Fire up those feeds!

Well, two strong people hit the road tonight. What did you think of the episode? Are you happy Daniele is gone? Or Big Jeff? Why is Rachel bawling? Tell me your thoughts!

Wednesday
Aug242011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 21 Recap

I must begin tonight’s recap with a bit of an apology – yes, I was a bit harsh on the house guests this past Sunday. Wait, screw that. I’m sick of them all! Their game play is horrendous, and that includes the CBS golden boy and his illiterate “girlfriend”!

OK, I got that off my chest.  I’m going to try to play a bit nicer tonight, but it is not going to be easy as I expect it to be DULLSVILLE! When the so-called highlight of the show is the return of the Zingbot, you know the show has plenty of problems.

As always, the reactions to Jeff’s nominations of Porsche and Kalia is the spot where we join the festivities. (BTW, CBS did a nice job on the recap to set the stage for what happens tonight.) Porsche says that she’s not surprised, but somehow thinks she’s a “bigger threat” than Kalia. Somehow, Kalia thinks the same, especially since she doesn’t just hang out in a bikini. Jeff comes right out and says that he loves his nominations, and if they stay the same Kalia must go. HOWEVER, if “the stars align…maybe Daniele gets backdoored”. Daniele knows this is possible, and must do whatever it takes to ensure that does not happen.

Kalia and Daniele are now in the kitchen eating, and Daniele asks how it feels to be nominated. Kalia shrugs, and Daniele notes that she is “the last one who hasn’t been on the block yet”. She again admits that she is worried that this week may end that streat, and Kalia asks if Daniele would be safe from nomination if she won the veto and used it to save her. In the diary room, Daniele says that although she promised to throw the competition, the best scenario is for her to win it to force Jeff to put one of his alliance members up. Daniele then heads into the have-not room to talk to Porsche, and she also says the best plan is for Daniele to win the veto. “This blows.”

Adam and Jeff are now talking, and Adam says he thought that he was going to put up Daniele. Jeff says that he has some points to prove, and they both talk about how that “side” of the house needs to be shown how to play the game. Adam shoves his tongue even further up Jeff’s ass by congratulating “Big Jeff” on being classy. Adam says that if he somehow wins veto, he’s going to let Jeff tell him what to do with it.

Time for some Rachel silliness. Porsche and Daniele are in the kitchen, and Rachel comes in to start needling Daniele. “Daniele hates life right now…why do you hate life so bad?” This goes on for a bit, and for the whole story you really should listen to last week’s episode of the Big Brother Gossip Show. Daniele says Rachel is “obsessed with me”. Rachel says her motivation is to get under her skin because Daniele evicted Brendon twice.

It must have worked, as Daniele heads outside and whines to Jordan about how she wants to punch Rachel. They’re joined by Rachel, who asks why Daniele is pissed off. Daniele just gets up and walks away, and Rachel asks her what she did. “I have a halo over my head right now…I was just trying to make sure she was ok”.

After a commercial break, it is time to pick veto players. Besides the six players, Daniele is also involved because of last week’s veto card she won. Jeff pulls out Jordan’s name, Porsche nabs Adam, and Kalia gets houseguest choice. Surprisingly, she chose Shelly over Rachel. Daniele couldn’t be happier that Rachel is not playing.

Before we get to the competition, though, we have to sit through the silliness of Jordan stripping off her humilitard. Yes, it is the least sexy striptease of all time, even with Jeff’s scripted diary room banter about how much he is enjoying it.

Back to serious “bizness”, as Jeff and Jordan watch Daniele and Porsche cook in the kitchen. Oh wait, this is just more filler as they do a MST3 2000 routine to the spy cam action of Daniele and Porsche. Oh yes, and an argument over how to say the word “mischievous”. I’ll refrain from the sort of comments I would have made on Sunday about this cutesy idiocy.

OK, now it is serious stuff, as Daniele and Kalia whine. Kalia has a good feeling that the comp will be something that Daniele is good at doing. Daniele, though, says if she wins she will have a hard time deciding on whom to use it on. It certainly sounds like Kalia is going to throw it, though, so in my eyes she deserves to go home this week. Anybody remember the Dom fiasco?

It is veto comp time, which also means it is time for the dreaded Zingbot 3000. Rachel says she wants to be “zinged”, and it goes quiet. It comes back to life, and throws out one-liners about Jeff’s soul patch, Porsche’s booty size, Rachel’s use of the word “fiancé” (with an awful scripted “me and my man” line), Daniele’s father, Adam’s similar look to Uncle Fester, Shelly’s similarity to a “dude”, Kalia’s sex blog/sleeping, and Jordan’s inability to answer questions (“the only reason Jeff hasn’t proposed is because of your inability to answer questions”).

Silly time over, everybody heads out back for the veto competition. Rachel is happy because the set is all “science-y”, and Daniele gets out her own “zing”. Everybody must assemble the Zingbot’s “bride”, and the winner is the first to successfully complete the puzzle. In case you forgot, Kalia reminds us that the best case scenario is for Daniele to win, but notes that she must think for herself first.

The game begins, and after ONCE AGAIN listening to the rules from Jeff, we hear Adam say that he had no desire to win this competition. A rarity occurs as Daniele actually recites a scripted line (she has said on the feeds that she refuses to do such a thing), and then Shelly ALSO says she’s throwing this comp. Jeff makes a joke about Kalia and Porsche “taking a nap”, and Kalia and Adam both make the same bad joke about a mechanical dates are the only ones they get.

Jeff is pulling way ahead of Daniele and Porsche, the only two players actually trying, and he indeed wins the veto. Yes, Jeff, we know that you have ALL the power in the house. Both Kalia and Porsche say they now have to talk to Jeff to ensure she doesn’t go home. Daniele also needs to remind Jeff of their deal, but Jeff says he has a big decision to make.

When we return form a commercial break, Kalia is whining to Shelly that she thinks she is going home. Shelly’s plan is to keep pumping up the other side despite the fact that she is aligned with Jeff and Jordan. Kalia thinks she is a bigger threat than Porsche. Um, no. She also believes that Porsche will be taken down in favor of Daniele, but Shelly says she’s going to talk to him.

Jeff indeed then calls Shelly in to talk to himself and Adam. Jeff doesn’t really answer any of their questions, and Jeff claims in the diary room that his decision will “alter the rest of the game”. Shelly says that Kalia is “freaking” because she thinks she is the target. Jeff just smiles.

Porsche now heads into the have-not room where Daniele is whining. Daniele is upset that either she goes, or one of her alliance members. Porsche points out that she has been in second place four times in a row, and it is not fair if she goes home. Oh boo hoo.

Jeff now attempts to talk to Porsche, but her only point is that she doesn’t want to be stuck in the jury house with Brendon. Jeff asks what she wants, and offers a one-week deal. Before he walks away, Jeff again points out that she never talks.

Kalia is then brought upstairs to talk to Jeff, and she says she is “slightly humbled”. She repeats the story about how he was not her target way back in week three, and that she is not coming after him. She also complains that it is not fair that she may leave before somebody who has done nothing in the house (Porsche). She adds that her side’s goal has always been to boot Rachel (ok, why didn’t you do that when you had the chance?). Kalia says in the diary room that she hopes Jeff is still going after “floaters”, which in her mind only includes Porsche.

Now it is Daniele’s turn, and Jeff says he’s “nervous” about their relationship. She wants to boot Porsche, and is open to a final three deal with him and Jordan. She reminds him that she has given his word twice and hasn’t gone against it. If she is put up, though, she is going to fight to stay.

Veto ceremony time, and Jeff says he still is not sure what he is going to do. Rachel also has no idea, but hopes that it Daniele is put up. Porsche hopes that she is taken down because she hasn’t done anything wrong, but Kalia thinks she has a better shot at getting votes than Porsche. Daniele still has hope that Jeff’s word is indeed golden.

With everybody’s script properly read, Jeff brings the house guests inside. He asks Porsche and Kalia why they should stay, and Porsche says very little but how she likes his haircut. Kalia also just kisses his ass, saying if she stays Jeff “will have a lot more red velvet cake”.

Jeff then announces that he is taking down Porsche, and as you may guess he then puts up Daniele. “Let the good times roll”, she responds. “Shocker!” Rachel is beaming, and Jeff says it all is due to trust. “I’m moving forward with the people that want to roll with me”. It all goes back to her attempt to backdoor him in week two, and he talks about Julie Chen’s question about second-guessing that move.

Daniele is pissed, and says that if she remains this will be his “worst game move”. Kalia says this is the worst week ever, since she is still on the block and now next to her best friend. Rachel, of course, is still beaming. “Way to go, Jeff! Daniele needs to learn a lesson that nobody comes between me and my alliance!” Ugh, make the scripts go away! Jeff also ably reads the script, using her pet words “awkward” and “shocker”. (I’m refraining. I really am.)

And we’re done! What did you think of this episode? Who is going home tomorrow? What about the Zingbot? Please leave a comment or three!

Sunday
Aug212011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 20 Recap

Tonight’s episode is easy to predict, especially given CBS’ refusal to never tamper with the template they’ve used since the show’s first season. Here’s the predicted lineup – Endurance competition begins, Rachel whines about losing Brennnnon again, more endurance, Rachel’s determination to win, more endurance, scripted “hilarity” from Jordan, Jeff wins, Jeff’s HOH reveal, Shelly snaps at Rachel, dejection and pleading from the “other side”, predictable nominations. Oh yeah, and probably a filler segment to ensure camera hog Adam makes the show. Let’s see how close I am.

Of course, the show starts with the beginning of the endurance competition. Just in case you forgot how it worked, we get to hear Julie repeat the instructions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the course is slippery…and is is a “must win” for everybody. Shelly keeps repeating “Josie” to inspire her.

And there it is – Rachel complains about how she’s all alone now that Brennnnnon is evicted. We get to see a replay of that great moment, and Shelly is happy that she’s “here to stay”. Jeff says Rachel has to “dry her tears” and move on. Rachel adds that Brendon’s week back “lit her fire” and she’s here to stay. Daniele is still cocky because Brendon has been evicted three times in one year. Um, don’t get so cocky. After Brendon walks out, Rachel makes a comment about how he got “the same amount of cheers as last time”.

Back to the game – Kalia asks Daniele how if she’s catching up, and that leads to more commentary about how important this HOH is for them. Cue the Jordan-ism of the night about how it is they’re playing on Crisco. Cue the footage of everybody slipping and falling. Rachel says she “loves a foam party as much as the next girl, but I don’t know if I can handle this much foam”. Well, you don’t have as much as the other since you’re in the outside lane. Jordan is still in her humilitard, and after falling we have scripted bullshit from Jeff about how cute she is. Cat ladies unite!

Kalia is starting to slow down, and Daniele is getting frustrated. Kalia says she’s a “really terrible cheerleader”, and is “actually really irritating me”. Well, you’ve irritated us all season!

Jeff is now way ahead, but it is time for more cutesy bullshit from Jordan as the bubbles are getting in her eyes. Adam gets his cameo, too, as he fall on his ass. “That hurt. That hurt a lot.” Kalia is way behind, but notices that Porsche is pretty close to being in the lead. We’re also led to believe that Rachel is close to the lead as the babbles how she’s out to prove to the house that she can win without Brennnnon. Yeah, sure. As we head to commercials, we get more garbage from Jeff and Porsche on how they HAVE to win.

When we return, it is still Jeff in the lead, and Daniele is cheering for Porsche. Yes, Jeff, we get it. You’re determined to win. Rachel has started to realize that she’s going to lose, so she starts kissing up to Jeff. “You got it, Jeff.” Porsche also notices, but CBS chooses to have her read some scripted garbage about stopping a washing machine.

Finally, Jeff wins HOH. Yes, Jeff and Jordan are happy and can both relax. Porsche, though, is bummed because she’s been second place so many times. Rachel loves the fact that Daniele, Porsche, and Kalia are acting so dejected. “At least when you win, I pretend like I’m happy. Kind of sucks when things don’t work out your way for once, huh?”

Back in the house, Daniele congratulates Jeff, who admits in the diary room that he’s going to do what is best for him, and that may include getting rid of Daniele. We jump ahead to Daniele hanging out in the kitchen with Kalia and Porsche, who complains again about always being in second place.

Jeff is now in the shower, and Rachel whines to Jordan about missing Brennnnnnon. Of course, as Jordan is reassuring her about him, Rachel has to throw in a dig about how it is Brendon who is “deciding who wins”. Um, no. He’s one of seven. She adds in the diary room that she still isn’t sure if Jeff and Jordan are on her side.

We move on to Shelly, who has decided she “sucks at competitions”. Well, duh. Instead, she says “I’m going to have to be a really good person”. This really good person then goes off on how much she hates Rachel. “Bitch. I can’t stand her.” She doesn’t understand why Jeff and Jordan are working with her. “I dislike everything that comes out of her mouth.”

I guess her move is to make Rachel feel uncomfortable, and her odd way of doing that is to walk into the bathroom and babble about how awesome Jeff is in front of Rachel. WTF? “Jeff, you’re so funny. You’re such a great guy. Can I make you a drink?” Rachel responds by whining in the diary room how she “doesn’t deserve to be here over Breennnnon”.

Kalia is handling her loss by taking naps, and Daniele attempts to give her a pep talk. She knows she’s not safe, but hopes Jeff puts up Porsche and Rachel. If that doesn’t happen, she wants Daniele to win the veto and take her down. Daniele, though, still has hope that Jeff and Jordan follow through on the deal she made with them.

Filler time, as Jeff reveals his HOH room. Yes, Jordan, we know Jeff “deserves it”. Cat ladies, enjoy! The rest of us, zzzzzzzzz! BTW, Shelly, you’re beyond creepy! Why oh why is this segment lasting even longer than usual???

Everybody finally leaves, and it is just Jeff and Rachel, who immediately jumps on Jeff! Wait, no, that never happened. She does kiss his ass, though, while Shelly is downstairs making fun of her. Shelly has had enough, and heads upstairs to confront her. Sadly, they edited out when Shelly tripped over her own feet. Shelly unloads on the eye rolls and the “looks of death”, but Rachel doesn’t respond. “She’s going to tell me that I need to have to leave the alliance? I don’t think so, lady! She’s done nothing in this game! I just had to bite my tongue, and I wanted to seriously tell her a few things or two.”

Finally, Rachel responds, saying “I’ve haven’t been talking  about you to anyone…recently”.  Shelly says it shouldn’t happen at all, and both Jeff and Jordan say that’s a great idea. “We have to stick together”, says Jeff. “Bite your tongue, and we’ll move forward.” Jeff says in the diary room that he’s impressed that she didn’t respond. “Maybe something I’m telling her is sticking in that noodle. Whew, hallelujah!”

Time for more filler, as it is a segment on how Shelly never eats except for stuff that “eight year olds” eat. She’s never heard of “half of the stuff Daniele eats”, along with everyday stuff that everybody regularly buys. Fast forward time.

With the absence of a have-not competition, we get this next segment over pretty quickly. Everybody walks into the house from outside to find a table full of hard boiled eggs and jalapenos. Jeff opens an envelope, and has to choose the week’s have-nots. He chooses Kalia, Porsche, and Daniele. Cue lots of whining…especially from (obviously) Kalia.

The three have-nots convene in the bedroom, and Daniele complains about how she has to spend her birthday on slop. Daniele’s body supposedly doesn’t handle slop very well, so “this week blows”. Porsche adds, “this is bullshit”. Get over it, you twits.

Kalia is now sitting outside with Jeff and Rachel, and she asks Rachel to leave. This is another nowhere conversation, as Kalia hints that Rachel would immediately backstab him if given the chance. This supposedly backfires on Jeff, as he says whenever somebody throws another under the bus it’s just another reason for him to suspect them. Kalia also claims that Jeff was never on her radar, and Jeff responds that she knows his thoughts on that subject. Cue the footage from when Kalia was HOH and told Jeff he was going to be her pawn. “You struck first…and you have to expect repercussions for your actions.”

Wow, could there be any more filler. It is time for everybody to act excited by the replacement of the table by a smaller one. Yeah, Shelly, we get that you’re the only one who cleans in the house. Enough on this subject.

Now it is Daniele’s turn to talk to Jeff, and he tells her that “we’re good”. He asks her what she will do if she wins veto, and she asks what he wants her to do. Obviously, it is to not use it. She says that she probably won’t win in that case because Kalia would expect her to use it. Worried about what Jeff would do, she asks what would happen if either Kalia or Porsche would win. Jeff denies that he’d replace them with her, but admits that he just doesn’t want her “stirring up stuff”.

Finally, Porsche has her moment with Jeff, and she says that her goal is to “win at least one before I’m out of here”. Jeff makes a crack about how at day 49 the two of them have finally talked game, and the conversation ends quickly as Porsche has little of substance to add. Even with a numbskull like Jeff, Porsche is the dumber one of the conversation!

In case you didn’t pay attention to these earlier conversations, we get to see Jeff restate the Daniele conversation with Jordan. Neither believes that Daniele will actually throw the veto competition, and that they can’t trust her. “What if you do get Daniele this week”, asks Jordan.

The top of the hour is calling us, so it is nomination time. Jeff ably reads the cue cards, and everybody else does the same regarding whether they believe they’ll be nominated. The first key pulled is Rachel’s, followed by Shelly, Adam, Jordan, and Daniele. Kalia and Porsche are, as expected, nominated. Jeff’s reasoning is that he wants Porsche to “prove” that she’s in the house to play, and that Kalia is up because of her earlier nomination of him.

Cue Porsche claiming that she will be bringing her “A game”, and that she wants to stay to get rid of Jeff next week. Yeah, right. Daniele admits that “things are not looking too hot right now”, and Kalia says she’s going to “stay cool”, “calm”, and “under the radar”, and somehow that is going to prove she deserves to stay in the house. Jeff jokes that the first thing the two nominees will do is “take a nap” and that he’s “making a statement that it’s time to play” but is hoping for the opportunity to backdoor Daniele.

And that’s a wrap! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Were you as bored as me? Did you get enough of Jeff and Jordan? Let us know your thoughts!