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Entries in Episode Recap (116)

Wednesday
Aug242011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 21 Recap

I must begin tonight’s recap with a bit of an apology – yes, I was a bit harsh on the house guests this past Sunday. Wait, screw that. I’m sick of them all! Their game play is horrendous, and that includes the CBS golden boy and his illiterate “girlfriend”!

OK, I got that off my chest.  I’m going to try to play a bit nicer tonight, but it is not going to be easy as I expect it to be DULLSVILLE! When the so-called highlight of the show is the return of the Zingbot, you know the show has plenty of problems.

As always, the reactions to Jeff’s nominations of Porsche and Kalia is the spot where we join the festivities. (BTW, CBS did a nice job on the recap to set the stage for what happens tonight.) Porsche says that she’s not surprised, but somehow thinks she’s a “bigger threat” than Kalia. Somehow, Kalia thinks the same, especially since she doesn’t just hang out in a bikini. Jeff comes right out and says that he loves his nominations, and if they stay the same Kalia must go. HOWEVER, if “the stars align…maybe Daniele gets backdoored”. Daniele knows this is possible, and must do whatever it takes to ensure that does not happen.

Kalia and Daniele are now in the kitchen eating, and Daniele asks how it feels to be nominated. Kalia shrugs, and Daniele notes that she is “the last one who hasn’t been on the block yet”. She again admits that she is worried that this week may end that streat, and Kalia asks if Daniele would be safe from nomination if she won the veto and used it to save her. In the diary room, Daniele says that although she promised to throw the competition, the best scenario is for her to win it to force Jeff to put one of his alliance members up. Daniele then heads into the have-not room to talk to Porsche, and she also says the best plan is for Daniele to win the veto. “This blows.”

Adam and Jeff are now talking, and Adam says he thought that he was going to put up Daniele. Jeff says that he has some points to prove, and they both talk about how that “side” of the house needs to be shown how to play the game. Adam shoves his tongue even further up Jeff’s ass by congratulating “Big Jeff” on being classy. Adam says that if he somehow wins veto, he’s going to let Jeff tell him what to do with it.

Time for some Rachel silliness. Porsche and Daniele are in the kitchen, and Rachel comes in to start needling Daniele. “Daniele hates life right now…why do you hate life so bad?” This goes on for a bit, and for the whole story you really should listen to last week’s episode of the Big Brother Gossip Show. Daniele says Rachel is “obsessed with me”. Rachel says her motivation is to get under her skin because Daniele evicted Brendon twice.

It must have worked, as Daniele heads outside and whines to Jordan about how she wants to punch Rachel. They’re joined by Rachel, who asks why Daniele is pissed off. Daniele just gets up and walks away, and Rachel asks her what she did. “I have a halo over my head right now…I was just trying to make sure she was ok”.

After a commercial break, it is time to pick veto players. Besides the six players, Daniele is also involved because of last week’s veto card she won. Jeff pulls out Jordan’s name, Porsche nabs Adam, and Kalia gets houseguest choice. Surprisingly, she chose Shelly over Rachel. Daniele couldn’t be happier that Rachel is not playing.

Before we get to the competition, though, we have to sit through the silliness of Jordan stripping off her humilitard. Yes, it is the least sexy striptease of all time, even with Jeff’s scripted diary room banter about how much he is enjoying it.

Back to serious “bizness”, as Jeff and Jordan watch Daniele and Porsche cook in the kitchen. Oh wait, this is just more filler as they do a MST3 2000 routine to the spy cam action of Daniele and Porsche. Oh yes, and an argument over how to say the word “mischievous”. I’ll refrain from the sort of comments I would have made on Sunday about this cutesy idiocy.

OK, now it is serious stuff, as Daniele and Kalia whine. Kalia has a good feeling that the comp will be something that Daniele is good at doing. Daniele, though, says if she wins she will have a hard time deciding on whom to use it on. It certainly sounds like Kalia is going to throw it, though, so in my eyes she deserves to go home this week. Anybody remember the Dom fiasco?

It is veto comp time, which also means it is time for the dreaded Zingbot 3000. Rachel says she wants to be “zinged”, and it goes quiet. It comes back to life, and throws out one-liners about Jeff’s soul patch, Porsche’s booty size, Rachel’s use of the word “fiancé” (with an awful scripted “me and my man” line), Daniele’s father, Adam’s similar look to Uncle Fester, Shelly’s similarity to a “dude”, Kalia’s sex blog/sleeping, and Jordan’s inability to answer questions (“the only reason Jeff hasn’t proposed is because of your inability to answer questions”).

Silly time over, everybody heads out back for the veto competition. Rachel is happy because the set is all “science-y”, and Daniele gets out her own “zing”. Everybody must assemble the Zingbot’s “bride”, and the winner is the first to successfully complete the puzzle. In case you forgot, Kalia reminds us that the best case scenario is for Daniele to win, but notes that she must think for herself first.

The game begins, and after ONCE AGAIN listening to the rules from Jeff, we hear Adam say that he had no desire to win this competition. A rarity occurs as Daniele actually recites a scripted line (she has said on the feeds that she refuses to do such a thing), and then Shelly ALSO says she’s throwing this comp. Jeff makes a joke about Kalia and Porsche “taking a nap”, and Kalia and Adam both make the same bad joke about a mechanical dates are the only ones they get.

Jeff is pulling way ahead of Daniele and Porsche, the only two players actually trying, and he indeed wins the veto. Yes, Jeff, we know that you have ALL the power in the house. Both Kalia and Porsche say they now have to talk to Jeff to ensure she doesn’t go home. Daniele also needs to remind Jeff of their deal, but Jeff says he has a big decision to make.

When we return form a commercial break, Kalia is whining to Shelly that she thinks she is going home. Shelly’s plan is to keep pumping up the other side despite the fact that she is aligned with Jeff and Jordan. Kalia thinks she is a bigger threat than Porsche. Um, no. She also believes that Porsche will be taken down in favor of Daniele, but Shelly says she’s going to talk to him.

Jeff indeed then calls Shelly in to talk to himself and Adam. Jeff doesn’t really answer any of their questions, and Jeff claims in the diary room that his decision will “alter the rest of the game”. Shelly says that Kalia is “freaking” because she thinks she is the target. Jeff just smiles.

Porsche now heads into the have-not room where Daniele is whining. Daniele is upset that either she goes, or one of her alliance members. Porsche points out that she has been in second place four times in a row, and it is not fair if she goes home. Oh boo hoo.

Jeff now attempts to talk to Porsche, but her only point is that she doesn’t want to be stuck in the jury house with Brendon. Jeff asks what she wants, and offers a one-week deal. Before he walks away, Jeff again points out that she never talks.

Kalia is then brought upstairs to talk to Jeff, and she says she is “slightly humbled”. She repeats the story about how he was not her target way back in week three, and that she is not coming after him. She also complains that it is not fair that she may leave before somebody who has done nothing in the house (Porsche). She adds that her side’s goal has always been to boot Rachel (ok, why didn’t you do that when you had the chance?). Kalia says in the diary room that she hopes Jeff is still going after “floaters”, which in her mind only includes Porsche.

Now it is Daniele’s turn, and Jeff says he’s “nervous” about their relationship. She wants to boot Porsche, and is open to a final three deal with him and Jordan. She reminds him that she has given his word twice and hasn’t gone against it. If she is put up, though, she is going to fight to stay.

Veto ceremony time, and Jeff says he still is not sure what he is going to do. Rachel also has no idea, but hopes that it Daniele is put up. Porsche hopes that she is taken down because she hasn’t done anything wrong, but Kalia thinks she has a better shot at getting votes than Porsche. Daniele still has hope that Jeff’s word is indeed golden.

With everybody’s script properly read, Jeff brings the house guests inside. He asks Porsche and Kalia why they should stay, and Porsche says very little but how she likes his haircut. Kalia also just kisses his ass, saying if she stays Jeff “will have a lot more red velvet cake”.

Jeff then announces that he is taking down Porsche, and as you may guess he then puts up Daniele. “Let the good times roll”, she responds. “Shocker!” Rachel is beaming, and Jeff says it all is due to trust. “I’m moving forward with the people that want to roll with me”. It all goes back to her attempt to backdoor him in week two, and he talks about Julie Chen’s question about second-guessing that move.

Daniele is pissed, and says that if she remains this will be his “worst game move”. Kalia says this is the worst week ever, since she is still on the block and now next to her best friend. Rachel, of course, is still beaming. “Way to go, Jeff! Daniele needs to learn a lesson that nobody comes between me and my alliance!” Ugh, make the scripts go away! Jeff also ably reads the script, using her pet words “awkward” and “shocker”. (I’m refraining. I really am.)

And we’re done! What did you think of this episode? Who is going home tomorrow? What about the Zingbot? Please leave a comment or three!

Sunday
Aug212011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 20 Recap

Tonight’s episode is easy to predict, especially given CBS’ refusal to never tamper with the template they’ve used since the show’s first season. Here’s the predicted lineup – Endurance competition begins, Rachel whines about losing Brennnnon again, more endurance, Rachel’s determination to win, more endurance, scripted “hilarity” from Jordan, Jeff wins, Jeff’s HOH reveal, Shelly snaps at Rachel, dejection and pleading from the “other side”, predictable nominations. Oh yeah, and probably a filler segment to ensure camera hog Adam makes the show. Let’s see how close I am.

Of course, the show starts with the beginning of the endurance competition. Just in case you forgot how it worked, we get to hear Julie repeat the instructions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the course is slippery…and is is a “must win” for everybody. Shelly keeps repeating “Josie” to inspire her.

And there it is – Rachel complains about how she’s all alone now that Brennnnnon is evicted. We get to see a replay of that great moment, and Shelly is happy that she’s “here to stay”. Jeff says Rachel has to “dry her tears” and move on. Rachel adds that Brendon’s week back “lit her fire” and she’s here to stay. Daniele is still cocky because Brendon has been evicted three times in one year. Um, don’t get so cocky. After Brendon walks out, Rachel makes a comment about how he got “the same amount of cheers as last time”.

Back to the game – Kalia asks Daniele how if she’s catching up, and that leads to more commentary about how important this HOH is for them. Cue the Jordan-ism of the night about how it is they’re playing on Crisco. Cue the footage of everybody slipping and falling. Rachel says she “loves a foam party as much as the next girl, but I don’t know if I can handle this much foam”. Well, you don’t have as much as the other since you’re in the outside lane. Jordan is still in her humilitard, and after falling we have scripted bullshit from Jeff about how cute she is. Cat ladies unite!

Kalia is starting to slow down, and Daniele is getting frustrated. Kalia says she’s a “really terrible cheerleader”, and is “actually really irritating me”. Well, you’ve irritated us all season!

Jeff is now way ahead, but it is time for more cutesy bullshit from Jordan as the bubbles are getting in her eyes. Adam gets his cameo, too, as he fall on his ass. “That hurt. That hurt a lot.” Kalia is way behind, but notices that Porsche is pretty close to being in the lead. We’re also led to believe that Rachel is close to the lead as the babbles how she’s out to prove to the house that she can win without Brennnnon. Yeah, sure. As we head to commercials, we get more garbage from Jeff and Porsche on how they HAVE to win.

When we return, it is still Jeff in the lead, and Daniele is cheering for Porsche. Yes, Jeff, we get it. You’re determined to win. Rachel has started to realize that she’s going to lose, so she starts kissing up to Jeff. “You got it, Jeff.” Porsche also notices, but CBS chooses to have her read some scripted garbage about stopping a washing machine.

Finally, Jeff wins HOH. Yes, Jeff and Jordan are happy and can both relax. Porsche, though, is bummed because she’s been second place so many times. Rachel loves the fact that Daniele, Porsche, and Kalia are acting so dejected. “At least when you win, I pretend like I’m happy. Kind of sucks when things don’t work out your way for once, huh?”

Back in the house, Daniele congratulates Jeff, who admits in the diary room that he’s going to do what is best for him, and that may include getting rid of Daniele. We jump ahead to Daniele hanging out in the kitchen with Kalia and Porsche, who complains again about always being in second place.

Jeff is now in the shower, and Rachel whines to Jordan about missing Brennnnnnon. Of course, as Jordan is reassuring her about him, Rachel has to throw in a dig about how it is Brendon who is “deciding who wins”. Um, no. He’s one of seven. She adds in the diary room that she still isn’t sure if Jeff and Jordan are on her side.

We move on to Shelly, who has decided she “sucks at competitions”. Well, duh. Instead, she says “I’m going to have to be a really good person”. This really good person then goes off on how much she hates Rachel. “Bitch. I can’t stand her.” She doesn’t understand why Jeff and Jordan are working with her. “I dislike everything that comes out of her mouth.”

I guess her move is to make Rachel feel uncomfortable, and her odd way of doing that is to walk into the bathroom and babble about how awesome Jeff is in front of Rachel. WTF? “Jeff, you’re so funny. You’re such a great guy. Can I make you a drink?” Rachel responds by whining in the diary room how she “doesn’t deserve to be here over Breennnnon”.

Kalia is handling her loss by taking naps, and Daniele attempts to give her a pep talk. She knows she’s not safe, but hopes Jeff puts up Porsche and Rachel. If that doesn’t happen, she wants Daniele to win the veto and take her down. Daniele, though, still has hope that Jeff and Jordan follow through on the deal she made with them.

Filler time, as Jeff reveals his HOH room. Yes, Jordan, we know Jeff “deserves it”. Cat ladies, enjoy! The rest of us, zzzzzzzzz! BTW, Shelly, you’re beyond creepy! Why oh why is this segment lasting even longer than usual???

Everybody finally leaves, and it is just Jeff and Rachel, who immediately jumps on Jeff! Wait, no, that never happened. She does kiss his ass, though, while Shelly is downstairs making fun of her. Shelly has had enough, and heads upstairs to confront her. Sadly, they edited out when Shelly tripped over her own feet. Shelly unloads on the eye rolls and the “looks of death”, but Rachel doesn’t respond. “She’s going to tell me that I need to have to leave the alliance? I don’t think so, lady! She’s done nothing in this game! I just had to bite my tongue, and I wanted to seriously tell her a few things or two.”

Finally, Rachel responds, saying “I’ve haven’t been talking  about you to anyone…recently”.  Shelly says it shouldn’t happen at all, and both Jeff and Jordan say that’s a great idea. “We have to stick together”, says Jeff. “Bite your tongue, and we’ll move forward.” Jeff says in the diary room that he’s impressed that she didn’t respond. “Maybe something I’m telling her is sticking in that noodle. Whew, hallelujah!”

Time for more filler, as it is a segment on how Shelly never eats except for stuff that “eight year olds” eat. She’s never heard of “half of the stuff Daniele eats”, along with everyday stuff that everybody regularly buys. Fast forward time.

With the absence of a have-not competition, we get this next segment over pretty quickly. Everybody walks into the house from outside to find a table full of hard boiled eggs and jalapenos. Jeff opens an envelope, and has to choose the week’s have-nots. He chooses Kalia, Porsche, and Daniele. Cue lots of whining…especially from (obviously) Kalia.

The three have-nots convene in the bedroom, and Daniele complains about how she has to spend her birthday on slop. Daniele’s body supposedly doesn’t handle slop very well, so “this week blows”. Porsche adds, “this is bullshit”. Get over it, you twits.

Kalia is now sitting outside with Jeff and Rachel, and she asks Rachel to leave. This is another nowhere conversation, as Kalia hints that Rachel would immediately backstab him if given the chance. This supposedly backfires on Jeff, as he says whenever somebody throws another under the bus it’s just another reason for him to suspect them. Kalia also claims that Jeff was never on her radar, and Jeff responds that she knows his thoughts on that subject. Cue the footage from when Kalia was HOH and told Jeff he was going to be her pawn. “You struck first…and you have to expect repercussions for your actions.”

Wow, could there be any more filler. It is time for everybody to act excited by the replacement of the table by a smaller one. Yeah, Shelly, we get that you’re the only one who cleans in the house. Enough on this subject.

Now it is Daniele’s turn to talk to Jeff, and he tells her that “we’re good”. He asks her what she will do if she wins veto, and she asks what he wants her to do. Obviously, it is to not use it. She says that she probably won’t win in that case because Kalia would expect her to use it. Worried about what Jeff would do, she asks what would happen if either Kalia or Porsche would win. Jeff denies that he’d replace them with her, but admits that he just doesn’t want her “stirring up stuff”.

Finally, Porsche has her moment with Jeff, and she says that her goal is to “win at least one before I’m out of here”. Jeff makes a crack about how at day 49 the two of them have finally talked game, and the conversation ends quickly as Porsche has little of substance to add. Even with a numbskull like Jeff, Porsche is the dumber one of the conversation!

In case you didn’t pay attention to these earlier conversations, we get to see Jeff restate the Daniele conversation with Jordan. Neither believes that Daniele will actually throw the veto competition, and that they can’t trust her. “What if you do get Daniele this week”, asks Jordan.

The top of the hour is calling us, so it is nomination time. Jeff ably reads the cue cards, and everybody else does the same regarding whether they believe they’ll be nominated. The first key pulled is Rachel’s, followed by Shelly, Adam, Jordan, and Daniele. Kalia and Porsche are, as expected, nominated. Jeff’s reasoning is that he wants Porsche to “prove” that she’s in the house to play, and that Kalia is up because of her earlier nomination of him.

Cue Porsche claiming that she will be bringing her “A game”, and that she wants to stay to get rid of Jeff next week. Yeah, right. Daniele admits that “things are not looking too hot right now”, and Kalia says she’s going to “stay cool”, “calm”, and “under the radar”, and somehow that is going to prove she deserves to stay in the house. Jeff jokes that the first thing the two nominees will do is “take a nap” and that he’s “making a statement that it’s time to play” but is hoping for the opportunity to backdoor Daniele.

And that’s a wrap! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Were you as bored as me? Did you get enough of Jeff and Jordan? Let us know your thoughts!

Thursday
Aug182011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 19 Recap

Yesterday, I was listening to a comedy show on satellite radio and one of the topics was the overuse of the “our long national nightmare is now over”. The host was making the case that it is one of the worst clichés in modern journalism, and it should be never used again.

Well, I’m going to use it tonight, because (barring some last-second craziness) the nightmare that Rachel calls “Brennnnnon” is being cast aside for what should be the very last time. No more expert commentary on every subject. No more elaborate meals that suck the Big Brother house of food supplies. No more passive/aggressive behavior towards not only his “feeeee-ance” but the rest of the cast.

Most importantly, no more bragging on how he is the greatest player to ever set foot in the house. Guess what, science boy? You’re now the only person to be evicted from Big Brother THREE times! Yes, that’s right; there’s been a trio of wonderful evenings where the “Neander-tall” has walked out the door. Don’t let it hit you in the ass, you doofus.

Before we get to that great moment, though, we have lots and lots of filler to get through. Seriously. Lots of filler, especially since the HOH competition looks to be an endurance competition. I can’t even imagine the silliness we’re going to have to endure.

So let’s get started with the reaction to Adam using his veto, and Brendon replacing him as a nominee. Brendon is confident that he’s not going to be evicted again, and Shelly doesn’t believe that she “falls into zombieland”. Daniele complains about Kalia’s HOH week, and that she needs to clean it up by evicting Brendon. Rachel claims that by nominating Brendon twice, it is obvious that Daniele is “intimidated” by Brendon. Don’t think so, my dear. Rachel doesn’t stop there…as you may expect.

As with every Thursday episode this week, Brendon and Rachel head into the have-not room to cry, whine, kiss, point fingers, and make up. There’s no need to recap their silliness, and, thankfully, we’ll never see this scene again this season.  Brendon thinks he just needs to convince either Porsche or Adam for a vote to save himself.

Shelly, Jeff, and Daniele are now laying out in the sun, and Daniele comments on how “this is going to be a long week”. Shelly agrees, and asks if they saw Rachel glaring at her during the veto ceremony. Shelly says her plan is to just be “calm and cool…to make sure things stay good”. She does the typical kiss-up job on Daniele, and tells her she had a great speech.

We jump ahead a bit, and Rachel and Brendon are attempting to work their magic on Adam. Brendon’s plan is to point out how the girls have been winning everything so far, and wants to continue to boot the boys (and Shelly, who is questionably a girl). He promises to have Adam’s back, but as always Adam is non-committal. “You made my head hurt, and my stomach hurt.”

A bit out of chronological order, Rachel now attempts to work on Porsche. Rachel says she “is so ready to fight for my man. I am ready to do whatever it takes to ensure that Brendon stays in the house this week.” Porsche doesn’t make a lot of sense in her replies, and Rachel claims that they’re on her side. Porsche finally says that the last time she voted for Brendon to stay it didn’t help her out at all. This really doesn’t make a lot of sense, as Porsche is indeed still in the house. The talk ends with Porsche asking for a fake smile, which turns into a grimace after she walks out.

Now jump back two nights, as Shelly is sitting with Jeff and Jordan. Jeff makes a joke about going home, and Shelly asks if he’s voting her out. He says he’s not voting her out, but he’s actually conflicted about what to do. He reminds Shelly that they have to be “on the same page 100%”, and Shelly says they are. In the diary room, Shelly concedes that her method of gathering information from both sides may be creating some issues with her heroes. Instead, she goes on about how much she hates Rachel, but Jordan says they “need her right now”. Shelly rolls her eyes.

Danniele is now outside with Jeff and Jordan the following night, and drunkenly makes a deal with them. She concedes that three weeks ago they were her target, and it “probably was one of the worst moves I’ve made this season…you and you are not my target”. Daniele continues to plead to work together, but says in the diary room that she’s just going to agree with anything they say. The chat goes on to whine about those who have done nothing in the game so far, and they conclude that it doesn’t make sense to go after each other. Jeff now says he’s “leaning” towards evicting Brendon.

Now let’s go to the following day, but before the conversation Rachel had with Porsche. Rachel is now working on Jordan, and Jordan says it all is on Adam. If he doesn’t vote for Brendon, then they’ll have to vote with the house to not piss off the entire house. Yeah, this doesn’t go well. Rachel calls them “cowards” and “sheep” for worrying about the house. “Worst alliance ever!”

Jordan heads inside and informs Jeff of the conversation, and he heads outside to confront them. “Let’s see if they’ll bully me”. Jordan’s speech is basically repeated, and Rachel says “whatever”. This blows up, especially after Jeff complains they have no right to be pissed at him. “Rachel is like dealing with a little kid…and I can’t take it anymore”. He bitches at her about her attitude, and Rachel plays her innocent victim game. Yes, this leads to Rachel’s idiotic “all I do is fight” speech. Unfortunately, we don’t get the second part of this fight, where Jordan complains about Rachel not caring about her “babysitting” her the first time Brendon was evicted.

Julie’s chatter with the house is next, and it starts with Shelly’s phone call from her family. Yeah, it was touching. Jordan is then asked about whether the “humilitard” was worth giving Shelly the phone call, and her obvious response is “yes”. She just wouldn’t feel right not giving it to Shelly, and she does have Jeff. Brendon is then asked why he believes he beat out the other evictees to return, and he babbles ABSOLUTE NONSENSE about how America wants to see somebody who will compete. No, dumbass, it was the Jeff and Jordan crowd who felt it would help THEIR game! Rachel is asked how she’s holding up with Brendon being on the block, and she says she’s going to “hold up” to fight her way to win. Julie then concludes the talk by announcing tonight’s evictee is the first to go to jury.

Fluff piece time, and this week it is all about Shelly. After showing a conversation with Jordan about her family, we get to meet Shelly’s family once again. Yes, she was homecoming queen, and is a great mom. We get it! I must admit that her daughter Josie is adorable, though. The aftermath of the fight with Rachel is shown, and her daughter says she “needs to stop lying and kind of pick a side”. She wants her to stay with Jeff and Jordan. After a tiff with Jeff and Jordan, Shelly’s husband admits that the house is starting to get to her. Haha, I have to laugh at Josie saying, “shut up, Rachel”, after receiving her key in last week’s nomination ceremony. Funny thing is that Josie seems to know the game better than almost everybody else as she concludes that her mom has to get her relationships back in line.

After commercials, Julie is now having her HOH talk with Daniele. Julie starts off by commenting how it looked like both Brendon and Rachel were going to be out of the house, and Daniele says it was “horrible in every way possible” that they are both still around. Daniele says that she always has to go with her heart, but they all felt dumb when Brendon returned. She also claims to be a “logical player” when she put up Adam and Shelly last week, but she needed to guarantee that Brendon would be leaving this week. Julie asks about the Brendon/Rachel deal, and Daniele says that was her “plan B”, and that “technically, I did everything I promised them”. If Brendon remained in the house she would continue to work with them, but instead “the smallest girl evicted the tallest boy twice”.

Final plea time, and it begins with Shelly. Yes, we get the “dignity” speech that we’ve heard all week, and that she “wants to keep playing”. Brendon gives a shout out to UCLA, and brags about working on cancer research. He’s happy to spend another week with the woman of his dreams, and then goes on about how he will probably be the first juror. He says his vote will go to the strongest competitor; “not somebody who rides the coattails and somebody who floats to the end”. His last message is to Daniele, and that “you will always be Judas to me”.

Voting then begins Rachel, who obviously votes to evict Shelly to “go against the house”. Kalia votes to evict Brendon “for good”…and we head to commercials wondering what Jeff and Jordan will do. We return with Adam, who votes to evict Brendon, as does Jeff, Jordan, and Porsche. Brendon is evicted 5-1!

Julie gives the news to the house, and a repeat of his first eviction is shown as he hugs and kisses Rachel. He gives her a pep talk, and heads out. Julie starts the interview by asking if they would have kept their deal with Daniele if she had done the same. He says they both realized it was them against the house, so Julie asks what Rachel’s next move will be. “She’s going to win HOH, and she’s going to shake things up”. If she doesn’t win, she’s going to “ride the middle for as long as she can”.

We go right to the goodbye messages, and it starts with Daniele. She jokes that if he comes back again, “I might have to evict myself”. Kalia repeats her cockiness from the previous eviction, wondering “why America voted you back in this house. The good news is that you’re leaving – BYE…for good!” Jeff says that he wishes it was him that was staying instead of Rachel (interesting) but promises to “look after Rachel for you as much as I can stand her. I hope you leave the instruction manual this time on what do with her because I have no idea”. Obviously, we end with Rachel, who says that she has found her “inner strength” and can do it without him. “I’m going to kick butt and take names. Don’t hate because I’m going to make it farther than you did last season” It pains me to say this, but that was her best speech ever!

We conclude the show by starting the endurance HOH competition. The game is called “All Washed Up”, and one must fill up a cup with soap and haul it across a slippery stage to the other side to dump it into a gumball machine. The first to see their ping pong ball pop out wins. After a couple of minutes, soapy suds are dumped on everybody (or primarily those playing in the middle), which should aid Rachel’s game. Ooooh, Julie announced that next week is double eviction week right before the "rinse cycle" started falling on the players!!!

There we go! No more Brendon! Are you happy with this turn of events? How about the chronological jumps in the opening segments? Isn’t Shelly’s child adorable? Let us know what you think!

Wednesday
Aug172011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 18 Recap

Another Wednesday, another episode of Big Brother. There’s not a lot to get excited about, as a good percentage of the show will be the veto competition. Besides that and the veto ceremony, I expect nothing more than lots of filler and the usual Brenchel pout/fight/makeup.

Obviously, the show begins with the reactions to Daniele’s (not so) surprising nominations of Shelly and Adam. Shelly whispers to Adam that she’s furious before we hear the weekly “I need to win” speech from Adam. Rachel is obviously ecstatic that her and her man are not nominated, but Shelly isn’t as thrilled. “The fact that I’m on the block right now is the least of my worries”, she claims. “I am so angry at Rachel, and the betrayal and the lies, that I almost can’t even see straight.”

Shelly pulls aside Daniele, and after hearing about how this is a win-win situation from Daniele, they head up to the HOH. Daniele “promises” that she is not her target, and that she really wants Brendon to be evicted. Shelly likes that idea, especially since she’s furious at Rachel for her “lying”. Daniele doesn’t know what she’s talking about, so this story is rehashed once again (along with the footage that shows Rachel wasn’t lying). “I’m done with them. Let’s get them out.” Shelly heads out, and we hear Daniele say “I suck at lying”.

Fluff time, as we now see Brendon and Rachel hugging and kissing. Their goal is to get Shelly evicted. Before we get more footage of them, though, it is now time for another episode of Adam groveling. He asks Daniele if the plan is for him to win veto to put somebody else up, and Daniele says she told Shelly the same thing. “I need Brendon to go home. You need Brendon to go home. We all need Brendon to go home. Rachel is no good without him. If it is them two on the block, she would leave.” In the diary room, Daniele says that anybody who isn’t Kalia or Porsche is expendable to her. “You’re just a pawn in my game”, she says to him. “Pawns go home”, Adam responds.

Rachel heads into the bedroom to talk to Jeff and Jordan, and Shelly then walks in. Note: this footage actually happened BEFORE the veto ceremony. Shelly says that Porsche has said the “three person deal is out”, and Rachel has no idea what she’s talking about. Jordan calls a house meeting, and I suggest that everybody just listen to last week’s episode of The Big Brother Gossip Show as Shelly and Rachel fight over this three-person “deal”…which, by the way, was a hypothetical deal to begin with. The only thing new here is that Jordan says in the diary room that she doesn’t know which of them is lying.

After commercials, we return to more footage of Shelly stewing. It’s actually a few hours later, although CBS wants us to believe it just happened. Shelly is wearing sunglasses to cover her crying eyes, and Jeff tells her that she needs to relax. (Again, listen to our show.) Shelly adds in the diary room that she “hates people who lies!” Um, yeah.

And from that footage we suddenly jump to the veto player selection meeting. Adam says he’s “praying to the metal gods” that Brendon and Rachel don’t get chosen as veto players. Shelly babbles some nonsense about her mom saying you have to get things for yourself, so she’s going to win the veto. Brendon says that the best case scenario would be for both him and Rachel to play, but Daniele pulls out Jordan’s name. Shelly gets Kalia’s name, and Adam pulls out Jeff’s name. Hmmm, neither Brendon and Rachel are playing, and Shelly is loving it! “Enjoy the view. It’s going to be a good one.” Porsche is chosen to be the host.

Before we get to the veto, though, Porsche attempts to enter the HOH. Daniele asks her if she can have five minutes, but was just kidding. They watch Shelly sitting alone in the kitchen, and joke about how Shelly will push the veto in Rachel’s face if she wins. She adds in the diary room that it is turning into a perfect week for her. “This could be a perfect opportunity to backdoor Brendon.”

When we return from yet another commercial break, Porsche leads everybody outside to a farm-themed set. They’ll be using the “cornhole” game they’ve been playing in the backyard, but first we have to hear idiocy from Jordan on how Jeff looks like a boy band member. The object of the game is to have the lowest score, as a direct hit gets one point, but a miss drops it into a rotating wheel with various point scores. The eliminated player then picks a “prize”, one of which is the POV. Players eliminated later get to exchange their prize with an earlier player’s prize.

After we listen to the same spiel from Adam, Shelly, and Jeff on how they HAVE to win (well, Jeff says he doesn’t necessarily have to win), we finally get going. In the first round, Shelly misses the board completely, and Adam is ecstatic. Daniele scores a perfect hit, and Shelly is eliminated. Her prize is the veto, but we know she won’t hold that very long. At least she realizes this fact, unlike in previous seasons.

In the second round, Daniele again scores a perfect shot, and Jordan is eliminated. She pulls out the solitary confinement card, which Jeff says is a good prize. She also gets a phone call from home. Yes, acoustic guitar stuff is now heard, but Jordan reconsiders and gives it to Shelly so she can call her husband. Shelly says she’ll never forget what Jordan did for her, and Jeff also calls her an “angel on earth”. Great, CBS, make those cat ladies happy.

For the third round, Daniele again scores a perfect hit, as does Adam. Kalia is out this round, and she nabs the Caribbean vacation. She doesn’t give it up for anybody’s prize, and Jeff jokes about how she obviously needs a vacation from napping. Brendon and Rachel complain that “there goes our honeymoon”.

At this point, Adam tells Jeff that he really needs the veto, and Jeff is wondering if he should win or not. Adam whispers a question to Daniele about whether Jeff is safe, and after whining about it in the diary room she says she’s willing to throw the competition. For the first time, she misses the target, and Daniele is now out. She pulls out a veto ticket that guarantees that she plays in the next veto competition, and stares down Kalia before deciding to keep it. “A veto ticket is very important in the Big Brother game. Just ask Brendon or Rachel.”

It is now down to Adam versus Jeff, but before it begins Daniele asks Kalia if it is ok to get rid of Brendon. She concurs. Jeff then tosses a 8, and Adam’s falls into the 7 for a victory! “Barely”, adds Daniele. Jeff’s prize is $5,000, and he sticks with the cash. Adam’s prize is the unitard, which he then trades with Jordan for the veto prize. “For all you doubters, I did it! Adam’s the man!” Um, sure, Adam, thanks to Jeff.

Everybody is heading inside after the commercial break, and Rachel asks Brendon in the storage room if she should volunteer to go on the block. “I don’t want to risk you going home”, she whines. Rachel continues to whine, but Brendon tells her to stop (as always). “I just got you back”, she complains. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’ve heard this all a million times.

Jeff is now upstairs with Daniele, and she says it’s stupid to keep somebody who has already been evicted. “You’re not on my radar”, she tells him. Her worry is that Shelly could go instead of him, and Jeff would prefer that Rachel be put up instead of Brendon. Daniele replies that Rachel is not very good without Brendon. Either way, though, they both agree it will be hell. Jeff says he’ll tell Daniele anything she wants to hear to keep Jordan or him safe. “I swear you’re safe.”

Filler time, as Shelly has to do the solitary confinement bit before getting her phone call. It is all worth it, she says. “I would do anything for Tony and Josie. I would give anything to see them; just to hear their voices is priceless to me.” Yeah, this footage is tedious, although it is funny when she says it is great to not have to look at Brendon or Rachel.

More filler, as Jordan is called in to put on her “humiiitard”. I must admit, though, that her “I’m with stupid” costume is funny. Jeff loves the pigtails, “as cute as a stupid little button”. Adam loves the propellers on her dunce cap. “I’m so glad I’m not wearing that thing.”

Kalia now heads upstairs with some snacks (surprise, surprise), and Daniele fills her in on the plan to evict Brendon. She says she made that deal with him last week only in case they won HOH. “Why the hell would I ever make a deal with them? That’s like making a deal with the devil.” They’re both a little full of themselves as Daniele says her HOH “rocks’.

With the solitary confinement complete (or almost), Shelly breaks down in tears as she gets her phone call from the family. Yes, they love her, watch her, miss her, and while touching, I can deal without it. Cue the acoustic guitars as Shelly tearfully recounts the call. The house then comes to the door claiming she has three more hours, but she is indeed set free.

Just like Sunday’s show, the last segment before the house ceremony is Brendon and Rachel again pleading with Daniele to not backdoor them. Yes, this is the same conversation we’ve seen a few times, with the small exception of Rachel asking if she has a deal with Jeff. She denies it, and when Rachel asks them to put one of them up, she appears to listen. “I’ll think about it.”

For the final segment, Adam and the rest of the crew competently read their cue cards to make it appear that somebody besides Brendon or Rachel are going up. Adam calls everybody into the house, and obviously he uses it on himself. “I worked really hard to win this competition, and I’m really gald to come off the block.” Daniele then stands up, and after babbling about how it is a “game of many twists” and this year’s twist is a zombie who keeps coming back, she puts up Brendon.

Shelly loves being up against Brendon, but knows they’ll do anything to save themselves. “I’m going to be working my butt off to stay in this house.” Brendon says if he stays, he’s coming after her. Daneile says the “only way to get rid of a zombie is to cut off their head. Brendon, you’re head is finally cut off. Now we have to deal with a zombie bride running around this place.” Jeff, of course, is happy that he wasn’t nominated but isn’t happy that either way he’s losing an ally. “It’s a game time decision. I’ll be honest. I don’t know what I’m doing at this point.”

And we’re done. What did you think of this episode? Were you upset with the out of context fight between Shelly and Rachel? How about Daniele’s decision to nominate the “zombie”? Let us know your thoughts!

Sunday
Aug142011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 17 Recap

After the craziness of Thursday’s eviction show, it is probably safe to say we’re heading back to predictable programming. I guarantee you the first half of the show will be filled with the Brenchel reunion (gross) and Daniele/Kalia moping. After the HOH competition, it will be Brenchel’s turn to mope before an interesting HOH conversation that leads to a surprise set of nominations.

Finally, the show begins after an hour delay due to stupid golf! We kick off with the announcement that Brendon received the most votes, and of course Rachel has to babble about how “perfect” this is. Kalia, however, knows she fucked up. “We should have evicted Rachel so she would have to battle Brendon, and we could have gotten at least one of them is out of the house.” Yes, you did fuck up! No go eat some chips! Daniele repeats similar gibberish.

The end of the competition is then shown, and we get even more screeching Rachel! “I can’t believe this is happening!” Lawon heads out, and Kalia feels bad that she’s the reason he’s left. Ugh, Brendon and Rachel are back on the screen thanking America. No, thank the idiotic cat ladies who had this theory that Brendon would keep their golden boy, Jeff, safe!

At least Jordan is happy, as she doesn’t have to babysit Rachel any longer. Yep, that’s right. Daniele reiterates that the last two weeks have been a complete waste of time. Once again, that’s right. “We’re back to square one.”

Everybody heads inside, and Rachel is excited to see the return of color to Brendon’s picture. Jeff adds in the diary room that now that everybody is back they have a great show at winning HOH. Obvi, their targets will be Kalia, Porsche, and Daniele.

As Porsche makes a sandwich, Jordan and Shelly command the boys to join them in one of the bedrooms. Yes, it’s time to watch everybody jump for joy at Brendon’s return. Shelly calls it a “love circle”, but Adam is a bit reluctant. He says he joins in just to align himself with somebody.

Meanwhile, the other three girls head into another room to cry. “That’s why you go off initial instinct in this house”, says Daniele. Kalia can’t believe that Brendon was voted in over Dominic. Yeah, some of us agree. “Everything I did was for nothing. Absolutely nothing!” Yep, that’s also right. Porsche, who always has a knack for joining the losing side, explains how Daniele and Kalia are now her team.

Talk goes on to Shelly, and how she is the exact opposite of Porsche. “You people were just talking terribly of this guy”, says Daniele, “and now you’re lifting him up on your shoulders and washing his feet. It’s so fake.” Yep, you’re correct once again.

Back to the loving couple. Jordan walks out of the room telling Brendon how she watched over Rachel, and then Rachel turns on the whinefest about how she was treated the past week. She also fills in Brendon on how Shelly was trying to create a final three deal with Jeff and Jordan. Brendon says he’s not going to let her “put a wedge in between my alliance.”

At the same time, Adam is explaining his dilemma. Does he want to be on a big team with lots of strong players who can protect him, or on the other team that is centered around one person? “We have all the numbers”, replies Shelly. “We just have to win this HOH.”

The whinefest continues, and it gets even worse as they hear Brendon scream his idiotic Mario Brothers voice. Kalia hints that she may just walk out, and Daniele tells her to stop because “we’re stuck together. If I leave, you’re screwed, and if you leave, I’m screwed”. They understand that Daniele HAS to win HOH. “If I don’t win, I’m going home”, says Daniele in the diary room.

After a commercial break (thankfully), it’s time for the HOH competition. They head outside to a yard full of displays that represent each of the house guest’s home states. It’s the counting game where they have to guess how many of an object is in each display. Ugh, we know EVERYBODY HAS TO WIN THIS HOH!!!

The first round revolves around Louisiana, and the number of necklaces on a silver tree. The answer is 673, and Rachel is already out with a guess of 1500! Yes, the self-proclaimed “queen of HOH’s” is gone! The second round has to do with Illinois, and the number of pepperonis on two giant pizzas. This time, Jordan goes out…and Daniele starts smiling.

For the third round, it is Porsche’s state and the contest is the number of olives in a giant martini glass. Porsche doesn’t get the connection, and now Brendon is out! Daniele is now getting cocky, as is Kalia! Nevada is up next, and it is the number of playing cards on a table. Jordan says Jeff has to win, but he now goes out!!! The vets are not happy. “We had fun with this one, huh”, whispers Brendon to Jeff.

Now it is Jersey time, and the number of baseballs in two giant gloves. Adam says he has it “in his glove”. Get it? Ugh. Daniele picks the highest total, but she was indeed closest. Shelly is now booted! She says she neglected to multiply her guess by two. What?

Adam is now the vet’s only hope, as she is up against Daniele and Porsche. Unfortunately, we have to wait between commercials. North Carolina is the next round, and the number of rivets in a propeller. Porsche says she was getting dizzy by the spinning propeller, and after hearing Rachel act cocky about having to rely on Adam, he is indeed booted. “Have fun on the sidelines”, says Daniele.

So it is now the final round, and it really doesn’t matter as it is between Daniele and Porsche. California is the final state, and they have to guess the number of gold coins in a chest. Daniele says she still has to win this round, as Rachel is bound to get right back in Porsche’s back pocket if she wins. Sure enough, Daniele pulls it out! “Kalia, my girl, you’re safe for another week…I’m really, really ready to take this house by storm again.”

Rachel couldn’t be more pissed. “I am like freaking out.” Her and Brendon immediately disappear into the have-not room to cry. “It’s good to be in the house for a week”, cracks Brendon. He assumes the two of them will be on the block again this week, but Rachel fills him in on their attempt to make a deal with her the previous week. “We might be able to make her put up Shelly.” Yes, Rachel, we know you’ll do “whatever it takes to make sure Brendon and I are safe.”

While this is going on, the other three girls are dancing around in celebration. Dear Porsche, go go dancing is not your thing. Knock it off! “I want these people scared to death of me!” Rachel interrupts the party, though, and everybody becomes quiet. She congratulates Daniele, and then thanks her for “voting for me. I’m shocked.” Rachel heads back out, and the three have fun making fun of Rachel. Porsche leaves the room, and Daniele tells Kalia that she really likes her and that Shelly is “done”. It all has to do with her changing sides from week to week.

Thanks to storm warnings, I missed a good portion of the next segment, which I’ve been told was filler from a few days ago where Shelly did a fake “job interview” with Jordan. I would have fast-forwarded through this anyway.

Filler finished, Adam now heads up to the HOH knowing that he has to do some damage control. Yep, this tale has been repeated every Sunday this entire season. Daniele asks him what she should do, and he says that if he wins HOH next week then she’s safe. Daniele is not really buying it, though, as she says in the diary room “either you’re with me or against me”.

It is now Shelly’s turn to grovel, and Daniele says that she’s “all over the place”. Shelly asks if she’s frustrated with her, and Daniele opens up about being happy that Brendon returned. “I can’t sit there and be in his face brutal”, she awkwardly replies. She whines that she never knows where she is with them. “Sometimes I feel like I’m not cool like you guys are.” The Jedi mind tricks continue, but Kalia is offended when she is sent packing by Shelly. Yeah, this is a dumb circular argument going on and on about how they like each other. Daniele says she’s “not buying any of this”, however.

Kalia informs Porsche of the snub, and they talk about the numerous lies she’s told. “I’m super happy that people finally see what a piece of shit that she is. Like, the constant lying and everything.” Unfortunately, Shelly heard the entire conversation and wanders into the kitchen a little bit later to confront Porsche.

After heading outside for a smoke, we hear Shelly babbling in the diary room about the impossibility of going “the moral high road in this game”. Um, whatever. Porsche wanders out, and the preaching continues from Shelly. Porsche complains about all the deals that Shelly has made, and she claims they’re not true. Thanks to the investigative archival footage that is then pulled out (and also played on last night’s Big Brother Gossip Show), we see that she indeed made a potential deal with Brendon and Rachel way back on August 3. Shelly must now remember that conversation, though, as she bitches in the diary room that she never had that chat. “I will never let (Rachel) take my class away from me.”

Meanwhile, Brendon and Rachel head upstairs to talk game. Daniel says that they need to come up with a reason to save them, and we hear the usual chatter from Brendon. Somehow, this time it seems to be working…especially when Brendon brings up a final three deal. Rachel actually makes a point when she says that she’d have four people working for her, and that Shelly is trouble. Daniele ends the chat by saying that she “has a lot to think about”, mainly because she knows while it would be a big move it could also be a “stupid game move”.

Nomination time, and everybody perfectly reads their scripts. Daniele does go off the standard camera angles a bit, though, as she appears to be truly troubled by the decision. Everybody is finally called in, and Shelly whines to Jordan about Rachel before everybody else sits down. “You know how all the information is getting passed on? Rachel!”

Kalia’s key is the first pulled, followed by Porsche, Jordan, “Jeffrey”, Rachel, and Brendon. Shelly and Adam are nominated! Daniele acknowledges that everybody probably doesn’t understand their nominations, and she says that after the travesty of the last two weeks she “make sure that what I need to happen happens”.

Shelly is furious, but it is not against Daniele. It is still against Rachel. “I can’t even believe what comes out of her mouth.” Adam chatters silliness, and Daniele says she believes she’s in a “very good spot”. If she wins veto, though, she may use it to put up Brendon.

So that’s it. What did you think of this week’s episode? Are you a bit more clear about Shelly’s hatred of Porsche and Rachel? Are you disappointed that the house meeting wasn’t shown? Let us know your thoughts.