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Entries in Episode Recap (107)

Thursday
Jul232009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 7 Recap


Welcome to eviction night…or should I call it “The Night That American Men Cried”. No matter what happens tonight, a pair of overly-enhanced boob jobs will be exiting the Big Brother house. Will it be young Jordan, the small-town girl who can’t tell time, or Laura, the brainy” bikini model who never has to worry about sinking?

But first…we have to begin where we left off on Tuesday night with the “surprise” nomination of Jordan to replace veto winner Jeff. (Ok, I do have to laugh that both Jordan and Laura were “readjusting” as Julie set the stage for the first segment.) Russell says he was “relieved” that he wasn’t put on the block, while Kevin brags that “populars are done!”. Ronnie says that Jordan is the pawn because Laura “is a huge threat to me”, but also promises to go after Russell. Casey, meanwhile is pissed! “This is our chance to get Russell out of the house! What were you thinking?”

Jordan and Laura scatter into their room, and Jordan says she feels “betrayed” by Ronnie. “(He) completely fooled me”. They make a promise to each other that whomever stays will go after Ronnie, but Laura knows she’s the one going home. “I’m still going to fight. I’m not dead yet.”

Now Jordan is outside with Jeff, who is reassuring her that she’s staying mainly because Laura is so much smarter than her. You gotta love that she’s at least self-aware of her mental deficiencies! Jeff says she wants Jordan to stay. Well, duh! Cue the piano music as they tell each other how much they love talking to each other. “We’re like a package”, Jordan says to Jeff. “He kind of reminds me of me”, she adds in the diary room, “but a boy version of me.” Oh boy.

Laura is now seen heading up to the HOH, and she says in the diary room that “survival will always come before friendship in this game. I’ll tell Ronnie whatever it takes to survive.” She warns him that if she is eliminated there are two people left that are gunning for him, and that she’s a “better ally in the game than me”. Ronnie claims that he may be able to switch enough votes for Laura to stay, but defers the decision to Jessie. Ugh. She brushes that off, and claims that she would never go after Jessie.

Ronnie now brings up Natalie, Chima, and Lydia up into the room to “test the waters” about keeping Laura over Jordan. He claims to have a “bombshell” to drop, and goes into how Jordan can’t be swayed. Nobody is really in favor of this idea. With that plan not going anywhere, Ronnie says in the diary room that he decided it was an opportunity to “throw Russell under the bus”. Why now?

Natalie is not happy with this chatter, and goes off to huddle with Jessie. “What’s wrong with you”, asks Russell as she waddles by. Russell says he could tell something was up, so he had “to get to the bottom of it”. Jessie asks Russell if he was trying to get votes for Laura, and he denies it. Jeff is sitting next to them, and begins to worry.

Jeff throws out a few questions about the scenario, and Laura walks out as even more people discuss the Ronnie/Russell situation. She denies saying that Russell claimed she had the votes to stay, and they decide to bring Ronnie out to confront him. Laura adds in the diary room that if she’s going down, “at least I’m taking Ronnie down with me”.

Almost everybody is now outside, and Ronnie immediately says “I’m not going to be put on the spot”. Laura starts crying, and Ronnie responds that “paranoia is super high”. He just shrugs, and again says he’s not going to be put on the spot. Russell pushes, and Ronnie now says that whatever was said with Laura in the HOH is to stay in the HOH. Ronnie attempts to stay calm, and Russell thanks Laura for “telling the truth”.

Ronnie heads upstairs, and Russell continues to bitch about Ronnie’s refusal to talk. Natalie and Chima add what was said to them in the HOH, and Russell heads back upstairs. From the balcony, Ronnie tries to talk to Russell, who says that he “really (doesn’t) want to hear it right now…you are the rat. We found out, and you got caught.” Ronnie then claims he never lied to everybody, and Russell again rounds up the troops.

Round two! Ronnie throws out questions to Laura before Russell explodes that Ronnie isn’t going to out-debate everybody. “Vicious lies” is all he can say in response before retiring into the HOH. “I should have put his ass up.”

It’s now the following day, and we see Ronnie hanging out alone in the HOH. Casey laughs at how he “barricaded himself in the HOH room” for the entire day. Ronnie is then called to the diary room, and Russell sprints into the house to greet him. Ronnie takes a quick look at the spy cam as the diary room continues to call for him. Round 3! “Tired of scheming”, Russell asks as he follows him to the diary room.”

Yes, it continues again as Ronnie exit’s the diary room. We see him call him “rat” over and over as he wanders up to the HOH. “You should have sent me home when you had the chance. You blew it.”

Natalie and Jessie are playing chess when this goes down, and Jessie complains that it’s not fair that he is stuck in that room all day. Uh oh. “It’s just not right”, Natalie responds. Meanwhile, Ronnie is crying in both the diary room and HOH as he talks about missing his wife. “She would know what to do.”

We then join the group in the living room, and Julie asks Natalie about the current mood of the house. “It is pretty tense. It is pretty crazy. We did come together as a house and united as one unlike last week. It’s gotten better, actually.” Julie presses the subject, and Natalie responds that the tension is only with “one particular person”.

Julie drops the subject, and shows the footage of the men’s outfits in the have/have not competition. Michelle is asked “who wore it best”, and she says Jeff’s “rack was very nice”. Kevin says that “Casey was definitely rockin’ it”. Jeff says that his friends will never let him forget not only that moment, but quite a few moments in the house.

After commercials, we join Ronnie in the house. Julie calls him the “square root of all evil”. Oh boy. She asks him about playing both sides of the house, and points out that most of the time in the history of Big Brother this backfires. Ronnie says he took the risk “because most times…they have no allegience to only one side”. He says that he is aligned with the Athletes.

Julie then asks why he didn’t nominate Russell, and Ronnie’s response is that “it’s too early to burn the bridge with Jessie and Natalie”. Julie concludes by saying he spent more time in the HOH than anybody in Big Brother history. He babbles about how that’s no different than playing video games for days at home, and that it was also to “create sympathy”. He still claims that he has five people on his side, and he just may be correct.

It’s now time for the final speeches by the nominees. Jordan goes first, and babbles how crazy the week was “but thank god we found out who the rat was”. She says that she does want to be in the house because somebody had “put words in my mouth” that said otherwise. “You are all so Gucci.”

Laura is up next, and she says she’s thankful being in the house, but “due to certain circumstances, manipulation and lies” she didn’t have the opportunity to meet “a few of you as well as I like to”.

The voting begins with Jeff, who obviously votes to evict Laura…as does everybody else. Oh wait!!! Natalie votes to evict Jordan to “spice it up“! Gee, I wonder who put her up to that? Everybody else does vote against Laura, so she’s out by a 8 - 1 vote!

Julie gives the house the news, and it’s a touching moments as her boobs touch Jordan’s. She ignores Ronnie as she goes past to grab her bags. The house is pretty subdued after her departure, with everybody still ignoring Ronnie. Jeff is overheard, though, whispering to Jordan about that single vote.

After commercials, Julie starts the questions by asking about the sympathy vote, which Laura says made her very happy. She also tells Julie that she really doesn’t know why Ronnie was “gunning” for her, but thinks that Jordan may have accidentally let slip some stuff. She is happy that she is “taking him down”, and that “they’re stupid if they keep him around”.

Julie then asks if it was smarter to go after her than Russell, and she responds that she was an “easier target”, and that the clique twist didn’t help.

We conclude with the goodbye messages, and Ronnie uses the opportunity to say that she has “the worst case of diarrhea of the mouth I have ever seen”. Oh boy. “If you had not caused that scene in the backyard, you’d probably still be here”. Um, I don’t think so.

The rest of the messages are of the usual “we’ll miss you” variety. Casey says that he’s proud that she refused to be “the sheep”, and Russell adds that he’ll miss watching her by the pool. Kevin complains that he was never asked to “not vote” for her.

We don’t go to commercials, as we usually do. Instead, it’s right to the HOH competition, which is a variation of skeet ball called “Buzzworthy”. The person who launches the ball into the highest-scoring cup is the new HOH.

Michelle goes first, and gets a 4. Jessie then nabs a 6 to take the lead. Kevin gets a 5, while Natalie overshoots and gets a 2. Lydia’s ball doesn’t even reach the target, but before we get to Russell it’s time for commercials.

Russell finally gets his chance, and scores a 5. Chima’s up next, and scores 3. Jordan only gets a 1, while Jeff ties Jessie with a 6! Casey is the final competitor, and it bounces out of the middle to score a 1.

We go on to a tie-breaker shot, and Jessie’s ball lands once again in the 6 cup. It’s all up to Jeff, and his ball bounces off the 7, so Jessie is the new HOH!!! Bad news for a certain half of the house! (My early prediction is Jordan, Michelle, or Casey, unless Casey’s talks with Jessie helps him. Ronnie may be the luckiest player in Big Brother history.)

Before we conclude, we get one final look back into the house. Jessie is asked how he’s feeling, and he babbles about how athletes need to eat. Wtf? Casey is asked about missing his child’s first birthday, and he talks about how much he misses him but winning a half-million would make it all worth it.

Tuesday
Jul212009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 6 Recap

It’s pretty tough to get excited about tonight’s episode after the live feed excitement of the past 24 hours. There’s nothing that can be shown tonight that rivals what occurred late last night, and into the early afternoon today.

Yet here I am as always,. Tonight we’ll be viewing the veto competition, some scheming, and the veto ceremony…and lots and lots of filler (including more on that stupid movie prize Casey and Chima won). The commercials seem to indicate that a lot of time will be spent examining Ronnie’s quirkiness. For once, I’m against rules requiring Truth in Advertising.

You know the drill. After the unnecessary recap and opening, we proceed with the reaction to the nominations of Jeff and Laura. “Ronnie is the rat”, complains Laura, “(and) I fell for it.” Jeff says he wasn’t happy with Ronnie’s speech, and that he’s “the rat now”. Ronnie still claims that he wants to backdoor Russell.

Jordan and Laura head off into their bedroom, and Laura complains that she thinks she’s the only one smart enough to know how to beat Ronnie. (She does add a “no offense” to Jordan.) She then breaks down, and goes on about how he’s such a “serious gamer”, and Jordan’s tears are now added to the mix. They hug, which excites quite a few guys (and some girls) across the country. Jordan adds that she’s sad that her two best friends are nominated.

Meanwhile, Jeff and Lydia (of all people) are having a similar conversation. “(Ronnie’s) fucking scary”, says Lydia. “He got me”, adds Jeff. Of course, Ronnie waddles in just at that moment, and hugs Jeff as he complains “you got me”. He adds in the diary room that the one person playing the game “100%” is Ronnie, who claims that he’s taking a calculated risk but he does have a plan. Jeff doesn’t buy the double pawn plan, and says he doesn’t want to hear any more plans because “none of them has come true”.

It’s now later that night, and Ronnie now comes out to get on Laura’s good side. She tells him that it’s ok, and again he says that he has a “master strategy. There’s a scenario where both of you stay, and I want nothing more than that.” Like Jeff, Laura doesn’t really buy it. “Every single thing Ronnie has told me has turned into a lie.” She claims that she’ll end up giving him a dose of his own medicine. After he walks away, Laura begins bitching to Casey and Jordan. “He’s trying to cover his ass in case I win the veto.”

Russell, is now shown pacing, and he says that he’s worried because his “alliance has become clique-ish”. His plan is to now be friendly to everybody, and he shows it by bringing drinks out to the “other side”. They all warn him that he shouldn’t be sitting with them. “This game is all about positioning yourself so other people to trust you”, he says in the diary room. He proceeds to complain how his side plays the game every minute of every day. “Can you take a two minute hiatus?”

At that exact moment, Ronnie is staring at the wall. Casey says that he thinks Russell is getting to that “breaking point” where he can’t think about the game anymore. Russell then walks into the house, and complains to those in the kitchen that they’re still talking game. Lydia, who was in the bedroom, starts bitching that they were talking about their life, and Russell suddenly starts screaming at her. Lydia and Chima both shake their heads in disgust. “Not everything is directed at yours ass”, he yells.

Russell heads back outside, and we see Lydia bawling about the situation. Oh, you’ve really turned into a silly diva. Casey adds that he’s going to just let these situations simmer, as any unwanted attention to others means he survives another week.

Natalie and Jessie are now sitting in the kitchen, and when Natalie says it’s time to evict Russell, Jessie disagrees. As usual, Natalie continues talking, and Jessie says nothing. “I still see him as an asset to my side, but he’s still going home before me…fingers crossed”.

After a commercial break, we see Lydia reporting to Ronnie about how she was “verbally attacked”. She starts bawling again, and Ronnie hugs her. She babbles about being with abusive people, and that it’s not “the Russell Show. I want to backdoor Russell.” At this very moment, Kevin buzzes to come in, and the conversation continues. “Can you imagine how different the house would be if Russell wasn’t here”, Lydia asks.

We move on to silly Jordan, and her supposed lack of knowledge about traditional clocks. Oh God, do we really need this? This is followed by the extended commercial for the stupid Katherine Heigl movie. Jordan and Natalie are both jealous of Chima and Casey, who are both clearly uncomfortable having to spend time together. They both claim to love the movie, although they said otherwise in the live feeds.

Finally, something important is happening. It’s time to choose player for the veto competition. Jeff says that it’s “me against the house” so it doesn’t matter what name he pulls. Ronnie chooses first, and gets Russell. Laura is next, and she pulls Natalie’s name. Jeff then pulls out Casey’s name, and Ronnie picks Lydia to host the contest. Ronnie is concerned by having Russell in the contest, as a win by him makes him ineligible for nomination.

When we return from commercials, it’s time for the veto competition. They all head outside to see a giant pile of coins. To win “Big Brother Mint”, they have to gather a certain dollar amount for each stage, with the person furthest from the target is eliminated. The winner also gets an option to choose a prize from three bags - $5000, a slop pass, or nothing.

Laura’s not happy about this, as she says she’s not good at counting. Ronnie says if he doesn’t win, he hopes that Russell isn’t the person who wins. The first round is for everybody to gather $100 in quarters, and Jeff says his strategy was to count a loose handful. If one handful is $10, he needs ten handfuls. Laura’s strategy makes nonsensical, wheras Ronnie second guesses his own strategy and throws in a bunch of extra coins.

Natalie was over $400 over the target (lol), but Ronnie was ever further away and is eliminated. Michelle is convinced that Ronnie threw it, and didn’t hide it very well. Jeff wins the first round. Ronnie is also seen claiming that he didn’t throw it, and is disappointed in himself.

Jeff chooses to stay in the game (obviously), and in the second round they have to go for $75 in dimes. Jeff carries on with his plan, and Laura says she was just grabbing as much as she could. This time, Natalie was much close ($16.90). Laura, though, was $269 over the target, and is eliminated. Jeff was only $5 off, though, and once again wins.

Again, Jeff stays in the game (duh), and in the third round they have to grab $40 in nickels. Natalie is even close to the target in this round, and Casey is eliminated. Natalie wins, though, but decides to nab a prize. Her bag of choice contains the slop pass.

It’s now Russell versus Jeff for the final round, and they have to grab $10 in pennies. Jeff calls it the “two bulls together again”, and they both babble how they HAVE to win. Russell’s bucket comes to $8.59, but Jeff nabbed $10.97 for the win! Jeff is obviously happy, especially since he proved to Russell that he can’t win every competition. Russell, meanwhile, says that if he is put up it will be Ronnie’s dumbest move ever.

Before we get to the veto ceremony, we have to have a segment that gives us a little doubt as to what Ronnie will do when Jeff pulls himself off the block. Kevin heads up to the HOH, where Lydia and Chima are scheming with Ronnie. After promising not to spill the beans, they all agree they’re on board to put up Russell. Ronnie says that no matter what, if he’s put up then he has to go. “This is the chance to do what’s right.”

We now see Laura entering the HOH, and she says she’s “willing to give Ronnie any song and dance to stay in this game”. Ronnie is vague, but claims that this “will be the turning point in the game”. He then says his plan is to put Russell up. Lydia continues to complain about drama and bullying, and Ronnie has Laura swear to God to not pull up himself, Lydia, or Kevin. Laura is still not convince, so she has no problem with promising anything to him. Ronnie adds that he has to make sure he has enough votes to get rid of Russell if he’s put up.
Chima and Natalie are now up in the HOH with Ronnie, and Natalie immediately agrees to vote to evict Russell, but complains that Jessie is not going to be happy with this plan. Natalie immediately runs to grab Jessie, and Natalie is indeed correct. He claims that he’ll support Ronnie if that’s how everybody feels, but he’s not in favor of the plan. “I don’t like missed opportunities”, adds Chima. Jessie points out that even as an enemy Russell is still on their side, while Laura can’t yet be trusted. Chima disagrees, and Ronnie now says he’s “afraid” that he’ll be putting up the wrong person. No, Ronnie, you just refuse to do anything Jessie doesn’t like despite all your babbling about doing the “right strategic thing“.

(Note: It’s interesting how we’re not shown the conversation with Jordan that actually made Ronnie’s decision much easier.)

It’s finally time for the veto ceremony, and Jeff does an admirable job at acting out the “staring at the wall” scene they need as we listen to Russell and him talk about nominations.

Jeff indeed pulls himself down, and Ronnie then gets up to replace him with…Jordan!

Everybody looks shocked, but anybody with live feeds had an idea this was going down. Jordan still goes through with the “I was shocked” diary room speech, and complains about how he’s not to be trusted. Laura is livid because Ronnie always does the exact opposite of what he promises her. “I’m tired of the lies.” Ronnie says Jordan’s on the block only because everybody likes her, and he wants Laura evicted because she’s “smarter than a lot of people give her credit…Jessie was correct. It’s not really time for Russell to leave.” We get it, Ronnie. You love Jessie, who ends the show by saying “it’s time to go home, Laura. Pack your bags”.

Wait, one last line from Ronnie about how quarters were stuck in his butt cheeks. Ewww! Did we really need to hear that?

See you Thursday!

Sunday
Jul192009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 5 Recap

Welcome, my friends, to another Sunday edition of Big Brother. If you don’t have the live feeds, you’re in store for a pretty intense episode. If you have been watching online, though, you can pretty much map out the entire episode.

Here’s what’s in store for us viewers. The angry reactions to Chima’s speech and Braden’s eviction, complete with Ronnie’s refusal to fess up to switching his vote. The house’s reaction to Ronnie’s HOH win, along with even more screaming matches. Ronnie’s entrance into the HOH house, the “Have/Have Nots” competition, plenty of Ronnie ass-kissing, culminating with Ronnie’s nominations.

Let’s see just how correct I am with tonight’s script. After the recaps, we indeed begin with Braden’s eviction. Casey is stunned that “somebody switched out”, but sometimes you “have to roll with the punches. Jordan, meanwhile, says she “wanted to cry”, while Michelle is upset that Chima is now going to know she voted against her. Lydia is pretty cocky about the situation, bragging that there are “repercussions for your actions and the words you say”.

Chima is also pretty cocky about surviving, but says she’ll “never volunteer as a pawn again”. As she goes to rub Ronnie’s arm, Jordan is asking if it was him that didn’t vote as planned. Ronnie admits that it was pretty tense, but wants the house to believe it was Michelle instead of him.

We now move on to the HOH competition, and we see Ronnie defeat Michelle with the final question. Ronnie babbles some geeky Star Wars thing that I can’t even pretend to translate here, and recreates Jessie putting the HOH chain around him. “Darth Ronnie???” Oh boy.

Jessie is also extremely happy about this - “this couldn’t have worked out better”. Jeff says he’s happy for him, but he’s still wondering the identity of the rat. Laura is also nervous because she thinks he’s “sneaky”. Casey says his gut tells him “we got played”, and that Ronnie has a master plan.

We’re now back in the house, and Chima is immediately complaining about people who voted against her. “I’m not going too name any names, but…” and then proceeds to do just that. Michelle admits that she did, and when Chima attacks her points out that others did the same. Chima explodes, complaining that she didn’t vote “with her clique”. (I’m a bit surprised that this fight was edited down so much, as it went much longer and eventually included many more people.)

Michelle and Ronnie are now in the pool room with Jeff and Jordan, and Ronnie says to not worry because “we’re in power now”. Jeff is still pissed that somebody voted against the plan. When Ronnie walks out, they all agree that it was him. Laura, in particular, describes how he orchestrated this to make them all look bad. Ronnie walks back in, and Laura immediately hugs him while they discuss the situation. Ronnie again points the finger at Michelle, and throws out the “show true colors” cliché.

He leaves again, and Laura is still 100% convinced it was Ronnie, who is now in the other room informing everybody else how pissed Jeff is currently. In the diary room, Russell is pretty impressed by Ronnie’s game. In the diary room, brags about how both sides are on his side, but that he has “big moves in store” for them.

After a commercial break, Laura is again talking about Ronnie being a “rat” and the “puppet master”. Kevin and Chima don’t seem to really care as Laura talks about how each side is going to just pick off the other as Ronnie sits pretty. Chima immediately informs Ronnie everything she said, and he again babbles Big Brother clichés.

It’s now the clichéd unveiling of Ronnie’s room, and it’s just like the other 50 or so times we’ve seen this segment. They all coo and caw over his family pictures, and pretend to care about his cat. His CD of choice? Legally Blonde. Jeff has a good laugh over that. He also received a giant bubble wand, which makes Jeff chuckle.

Wow, they kept that pretty short, as we immediately go to an outdoor shot of Ronnie interrupting a subdued crowd outside. Ronnie asks Jordan why she’s so upset, and the talk goes to the switched vote. They go through each person, and of course they all claim to have voted out Chima. Jeff complains that whomever did it should just come out and admit it. Casey isn’t quite as convinced that it’s Ronnie, saying it could just as easily be Jeff or Jordan, but Ronnie gets pissed at Casey’s reaction. “In my experience, the person going around pointing the most fingers is usually the person the most responsible…and you don’t see any of us pointing fingers.” Oh boy. Casey admits that it’s not smart to yell at the HOH, but it’s “not me”. Casey thinks he’s laying the groundwork to put him on the block.

It’s now time for the “Have/Have Nots” competition, and the winner gets to see an advance screening of the new Katherine Heigl chick flick, “The Ugly Truth“. No thanks would be my response, but the house is all (overly) excited. Yes, its’ now time for a commercial to be inserted into the telecast.

They all walk outside to a game called “Good Morning BB”, with a special host - Dan from BB10! Jessie’s not happy, but the rest of the house is. Kevin says he was “looking good”. Jessie says he’d rather watch a “porcupine walking backwards onto the set”. I have no idea what that means.

So it’s a match game-ish contest, with men answering questions about the individual women and vice versa. It’s pretty silly, so I’ll just go right to the end. Oh wait, Jordan looks pretty hot in her cowgirl costume, and Chima is pretty nasty in her comment to Jeff‘s cheerleader question (“I always knew you liked stupid girls, as you‘re not very smart yourself“. And let‘s add that I hope I never see Ronnie in a Princess Leia costumer ever again! (Note to self- screencap needed.) Casey and Chima win, and get to watch the movie together (which is apparently happening as we’re watching this telecast). Neither are obviously happy about this pairing. Thank God this ten-minute commercial is over!

But we’re not quite over yet. Chima and Casey have to decide which group will be the “have nots”, and take cold shower, eat slop, and take the bedroom nobody wants. Oh Lord, this won’t be good is Chima gets her way. Casey wants the athletes to have the room, and Chima responds “you really want to go home”. Casey asks if she’s HOH, and this goes around and around even though Casey just wants to settle it by playing “rock/paper/scissors”. Casey finally just backs down and lets her get her way.

Time for some filler. Jeff has trouble saying “bully”, and Casey makes fun of him. Really, is this segment needed? They all laugh and laugh, but it’s worthless.

Finally, we move on to some scheming. Laura again says she doesn’t trust Ronnie, but they have to try to convince him to put up the athletes. Jordan, Jeff, Casey, and Laura head up to the HOH to “remind him there are bigger fish to fry right now”. Jordan says they need to get the “hard” players up, and that they fell they’re “unstoppable”. Jeff asks why Ronnie is so scared of them, and that Russell has been saying malicious things about him. Ronnie claims that backdooring Russell is the plan, but Jeff thinks it’s ridiculous to put up TWO pawns. Hard to believe but Jordan is the voice of reason, saying it’s too early to backdoor people.

Ronnie SEEMS to be amicable to their plan, but brings the athletes up to inform them what they said. Ronnie wants insurance that Russell is not aiming for him, which of course Jessie agrees. Russell says he’s worried, but Jessie tells him he’s safe.

Finally, it’s time for the nomination ceremony. You know the drill. Ronnie looks at the wall of pictures, babbles about how this is an important move for him, and we hear from various people that are worried that they’ll be put up. Ronnie claims the question is whether he’ll “shake up the house” or play it safe? Yeah, whatever.

Everybody gathers around the table, and after a dumb speech by Ronnie about his promise to his family to “play strategically, not personally” the keys are pulled by (in order) Jordan, Casey, Lydia, Natalie, Jessie, Kevin, and Russell. Yes, Laura and Jeff are the two “pawns”.

Ronnie says that he nominated them because he has so much respect for them as people and competitors. Um, ok. Laura says she wanted to stand up and say “I told you so” but she’s not “going to lay down and die”. Jeff says he’s hurt, but admits that Ronnie is playing the game “good”. Casey says that Ronnie has shown himself to be a “liar”, and that everybody should see his true colors.

Ronnie adds that he put up Laura because she’s the only person who “could put one and one together that I switched my vote”, and that Jeff is “unfortunately, just a pawn”. He still claims that his goal is to eliminate Russell. We’ll see about that.

See you Tuesday!

Thursday
Jul162009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 4 Recap

Here we are with the first eviction of the season, and quite possibly the earliest surprise of the history of the show. Just yesterday, I was thinking about how this episode was bound to be so predictable that I could write the majority of this recap hours before it aired.

As the evening transpired last night, though, the script almost completely flipped. What was originally a typical “vote with the house” mantra has almost turned into anarchy, with the key players being the two people least likely to lead anybody to do anything. One sort of hatched the plan; the other may be the person who foils it tonight.

So here we go with the usual recaps and a cheesy Julie intro before leading right into the aftermath of Lydia being replaced by Braden as nominee. Ronnie claims to be the “biggest schemer here”. Seriously, he’s way too full of himself. Braden is confused, as usual. Russell babbles some nonsense, and Lydia couldn’t be happier with Russell, which Braden notices. He now knows she probably backstabbed him.

At the same time, Jeff knows that Braden’s nomination was a stab at him, and Jordan seems to be more upset about the nomination than Braden. Others come in to hug him, and Jordan complains about how “somebody is going around starting stuff about everybody”. Ronnie acts extremely nervous as they throw out a few names of conspirators. “Me and Laura are a hot mess”, Jordan complains. She’s got a point there.

Braden says that people are jealous that he’s a good competitor, and Jordan tells him that he needs to get out there and talk to people. Meanwhile, Chima feels great about her chances of staying in the house. “I’m just going to lay low.”

Casey asks Lydia how she’s feeling, and Lydia complains how her “friend” Jordan wasn’t upset about Lydia’s nomination but is bawling over Braden’s nomination. Oh, get over yourself.

Braden and Russell are now alone in the kitchen, and Braden is asked if he knew he was going to be put up. He confirms that he did, and in the diary room says he believes that Lydia betrayed him. Russell says he’s not convinced they have all the votes they need, so he says in the diary room that he’s trying to get Braden riled up enough to create a scene.

Sure enough, on a boring afternoon Kevin and Lydia are talking about their lives, and Braden interrupts them to complain about how they sold him out. Lydia denies that she set him up, although old footage shows her throwing out his name. Braden tells her to tattoo on her leg “week 2” or “week 3” because that’s when she’ll be leaving.

Things are relatively calm until Braden throws out Kevin’s name, and that sets Lydia off. “I’m being considerate to him, but you’re just a bitch and a skank.” Kevin says in the diary room that he doesn’t like it when people attack others, and we then see Lydia and Braden scream at each other, and then Kevin and Braden start yelling. (Actually, this is an extremely edited version of the fight.)

After commercials, we go back to Lydia entering the house right after her fight with Braden to scream at Jordan for awhile. Jordan looks confused, but that’s pretty normal. Remember, Lydia’s whole problem with Jordan is because she didn’t cry when she was nominated. Come on. Jordan gets even more confused as the conversation continues, but she runs into another room to further the fight. “I have not done one thing to you! I should not be in the middle of it!” Now Lydia claims to be the calm one. Ok, for that very moment you were, but that’s still a silly comment. Kevin adds that after what was said, he better not see Jordan talk to Braden.

Now Kevin and Lydia start yelling at Jeff, who has no clue what’s going on. This is just getting silly. Kevin claims that he may end up leaving because she’s friends with Jeff. His response is that by selling out Braden and Jeff, Lydia may now end up leaving soon. Finally, Lydia says she “is closed for the rest of the damned day”. Thank God.

Now Jordan has finally awakened a bit, realizing that since Braden is on her team his departure would hurt her. She then enlists Laura to help her save Braden, who seems to be open to the idea. “It’s time to take their reigns from them (athletes) and take control of the house.”

Laura then goes to Ronnie with this plan (big mistake), and he says it’s a good idea because he can “control” Michelle. He says in the diary room, though, that anything he does has to be good for him.

Jordan thinks she almost has enough votes, and just needs to get Casey’s vote. He listens to Jordan and Laura, but doesn’t commit. He claims to be the swing vote, and I guess he sort of is, but it’s another house guest who probably is the questionable vote.


Julie now greets the house guests, and asks the “athletes” about the fight between Russell and Jeff. Russell responds some nonsense about “unsaid things”, and that he doesn’t expect a “postcard on my birthday”. Ugh. Jeff’s response is that “his mother told him that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything”. This brings out a laugh from everybody.

The Jordan/Lydia fight is brought up next, and Jordan answers in her usual nonsensical way. “But we’re fine now”. Are you?

When we return from commercials (and enough with this Julia Child movie promo), we get to hear Jessie babble from the HOH bedroom. He’s asked about how he’s doing this year compared to last, and he laughs at his own joke about the “target being a little bigger than last summer”. What? Julie then asks who is the brains of the athletes, and while saying that Russell is smart “I’m not going to sell myself short here”. Hmmmm. Thankfully, that was a short segment.

It’s time for the nominees to plead their cases, and Braden is up first. For the first time this season, he actually talks in complete sentences! He admits to mistakes, and says he wants to stick around to prove himself. Chima then gets up and complains how “short some of the memory spans are in here because my opponent called both of my very good friends (bleep) and (bleep). A vote for Braden is a vote for a racist.” Oh my. Julie calls it the most memorable speech ever given. I call it idiotic.

The votes start with Russell, who votes to evict Braden, as does Natalie. Jeff votes to evict Chima, as does Jordan. It’s now 2 -2 as we go to commercials. When we return, Kevin votes to evict Braden, while Laura votes to evict Chima. As expected, Lydia votes to evict Braden, and Michelle votes against Chima.

Now we get to the swing votes. Casey wants to evict Chima’s “melodramatic behind”, and Ronnie almost cries as he votes to evict Braden. Oh God, it’s a split decision, which means that Jessie is the deciding vote. Obviously, he chooses to boot Braden.

It’s the usual hugs and kisses as he grabs his bags, and in the background we see Lydia hugging Chima. The house is pretty subdued as we wait for the post-eviction interview with Braden, who Julie says whispered “we have a lot to talk about” as he walked in. Julie asks who he thinks sold him out, and Braden thinks it’s either Ronnie, Michelle, or Casey. He’s not surprised to hear that it’s Ronnie - “there’s something hiding behind that smirk…he’s a great liar”. Asked for one word to describe his stay, he responds “discombobulated”. We end with the dumb goodbye messages, which are the usual clichés.

As always, we head towards the end of the show with the HOH competition, which (as expected) is a question format called “Homecoming”. Using online polling, each team has to guess what “we” picked as “the most likely to…”. Jordan looks confused as the rules are read. Oh right, she always looks that way.

The first question is about which clique would skip school because of a zit. Laura correctly answers “populars”, and eliminates Chima. The next question is which clique would misspell “athlete”, and after a bit of confusion Jeff correctly answers and eliminates Kevin.

Question three is about which clique would “bail on the prom”, and Laura chooses the offbeats. She now eliminates Russell. The next question is about missing curfew because of Star Wars, and Casey correctly guesses the brains. Natalie is now eliminated.

They’re now asked which clique would most likely start a food fight. Laura incorrectly chooses athletes, and she’s eliminated. The next idiotic question is about naked inspirational speeches. Casey buzzes in, and correctly says athletes, and eliminates Jeff. They’re now out of players.

Who would spend the most time with a mirror is then asked, and Lydia eliminates Jordan by choosing the populars. The populars are now out. Ronnie then correctly answers about which group would most likely blow off a date to go shopping, and Casey is now out.

Question nine is about who would take first place in the high school talent show, and Michelle is correct by choosing the offbeats. Because they’re the only competitors left, Michelle and Ronnie now have to go against each other. The final question is which clique would most likely be missing from the yearbook, and Ronnie correctly chooses the offbeats. He’s the new Head of Household! Oh Lord, this will be an interesting week!

We conclude with one last look at the house, and the announcement that last year’s winner (Dan) will be coming in the house to surprise them. This last look is not real interesting, as they’re all just hanging out in the backyard.

See you Sunday!

Tuesday
Jul142009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 3 Recap

Welcome to the first Tuesday night episode of the season. Generally, this is an episode chock full of filler, but we actually have more material to deal with than usual. Besides the POV competition and meeting, we have a good-sized blowup that occurred between those two events (“technocratic, baby!”). Plus, I have a feeling we’re going to get more info on the “green” theme (guaranteed to be chock full of Chima’s whining).

You know the opening drill - repeat everything that happened on the first two episodes in a ninety-second recap, and then we finally proceed with the reactions to the nominations of Lydia and Chima, who claims she “volunteered” herself to be a pawn. Laura thinks she “dodged a bullet” by not being nominated. Chima adds that high school “works” by having the athletes targeting the “nerds”. Jeff feels like an outsider in his own group because he had no clue that Lydia and Chima were going up, while Russell says the situation is a “wakeup call”.

Lydia walks away in tears with Braden, who gives her a hug. She’s joined by Jordan, who says “I know you’re not going home”. Lydia blames her nomination on her tattoos, so it really is just like high school. She tells Jordan she doesn’t want to see her cry. Jeff and Kevin also walk in and also tell her there’s no way she’s going home.

Meanwhile, Chima is in the other room with Ronnie and Michelle bitching because nobody is consoling her. She adds in the diary room that although her alliance is assuring her she’s safe, she’s still going to fight for the power of veto. “It’s the only way I can guarantee my safety.”

Chima and Ronnie now go into the storage room to wonder about whether Jeff would betray her own team. For some reason, he also whispers that he’s a national champion in persuasive speaking. Oh boy.

Casey walks into one of the bedrooms where Laura and Russell are talking. Laura thought for sure she was going to be put up. “Why? What did I do? Is it because I have big boobs?” Casey laughs in the diary room that she believes she’s being targeted because she’s pretty. “It’s hard being beautiful sometimes”, he says sarcastically. “It’s not my fault I have big boobs”, she complains.

Now we’re back up to Meathead Central, and both Jessie and Russell are complaining that Jeff is hanging out with Jordan and Lydia. They’re worried that their plans will fall through, and Chima will end up going home. He babbles a lot of his usual nonsense, and Russell informs her of Laura’s paranoia. They decide that they need to be brought in “while the iron is hot”.

Laura is then brought up into the HOH in her white hot pants and extremely low cut top. Oh yeah, and heels. Jessie goes on about how they need her because he’s just pissed off the whole house, including oen of their own. Laura brags that she’s a good competitor, but admits in the diary room that she needs to suck up to them. “We need winners on our team”, Jessie tells her.

After the first commercial break, we have filler time. Braden is wandering around in tight leather pants, and we then see a whole segment of him acting like a buffoon. I told you we’d have filler tonight. Russell does say that the fact he’s fun makes him a huge threat.

So now it’s time to pick the players for the veto competition, and Jessie struggles to read the script. Lydia says she doesn’t want an athlete to play because they’re the ones who put her up. Oh, they do use the bag after all (despite what the rumors were saying). Jessie pulls out Russell, but Chima nabs “houseguest choice” and picks Natalie. Michelle is not happy that she didn’t pick a member of her team. Lydia then pulls out Jeff’s name, and Jessie chooses Casey to be the host.

They then head outside (actually much later in the day), and Lydia describes the scene as a “giant face” with oozing eyes and acne cream. As usual, Chima is disgusted, but in the diary room she is all joking as she laughs that the acne-covered face looks like her high school picture.

Inside the pimples are a bunch of tiles with letters. The winner is the person who spells the longest word with the letters they grab. Yeah, it’s that thrilling.

We get the whole speech from everybody how important this contest is, but Chima stands up for bragging about how vocabulary is one of her traits since she’s a “freelance” writer. Um, my dear, all I’ve seen from you are bad interviews with C-list hip-hop stars. Don’t flatter yourself.

I won’t bore you with the play-by-play, but they all complain about how gross it was to wade through the “zits”. After the ten minutes was up, we find out that Jesse misspelled “continuously”. Casey has a good laugh over it. Natalie correctly spelled “last”, which makes Ronnie laugh. Chima wanted to spell “superficiality” but “couldn’t find all the letters”. What an idiotic move. Russell correctly spelled “shotgun” to take the lead.

Jeff is up next, but he couldn’t find all the letters to spell “technotronics”. Russell bitches about this in the diary room…and will again later in this episode. Lydia is the last person to reveal her word, and she’s about four letters short of “civilization”. “Shotgun Russell the Love Muscle” has won the POV! Ugh! Lydia promises, though, to do anything she has to do to get off the block. Jessie poses, as usual.

When we return from commercials, Russell and crew (including Laura) celebrate in the HOH. Laura is convinced that Jeff threw it because he can’t possibly be that stupid. Russell agrees, or maybe “he’s a complete moron”.

Jeff, meanwhile, is flirting with Jordan, who is rubbing his feet. Russell walks in, and is pissed that he’s spending so much time with people outside his team. This is the perfect setup to something that happened a full day later. Jeff and Russell are both working out, and they’re giving each other the evil eye. Russell admits in the diary room that he’s setting this up to make Jeff look bad, and starts yelling “technotronics”. Jeff is calm at first, pointing out that Russell spelled an easy word. (Please don’t take a drink every time you hear the word “technocratic”, as you’ll be drunk in 30 seconds.)

Finally, Russell walks away, and it’s now Natalie’s turn to start in on him. Jeff asks what he’s done to anger his team, and it goes around and around like a typical Big Brother fight. Natalie finally says Jeff’s lucky he’s on their team, or it would be him that would be put up. “Every one on my team can fuck off”, Jeff finally yells as we fade to commercial.

With little time remaining in the show, it’s time for Lydia to turn up the charm. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get myself off the block.” She starts by rubbing Russell’s shoulders. She babbles to him about how much she likes him, but Russell instead turns it into who would put him up. He also lies and says it was the other athletes that wanted him out. To Lydia, that means that Natalie doesn’t want “another strong woman” to be in the house, so she needs to step it up. Interesting theory. They go back and forth about how things change in the house every day. Natalie then enters, and gets the evil eye from Lydia.

Lydia now goes up into the HOH and begins to complain about how he lets Natalie dictate his actions. Natalie walks in at that very moment because she wants to go to bed. Lydia takes the opportunity to question why she was put up instead of Laura. For the fourth or fifth time, Natalie says she doesn’t lie (oh really?) and that she’s never talked shit about her. Lydia calls her out on this, and again we get the usual back and forth. Jesse adds that he doesn’t believe all of her actions (massage, etc.) were “not sincere”. Lydia says in the diary room that she knows she has to redirect the negative feelings to others, and points out Jeff and Braden. She says she doesn’t feel bad throwing out Braden’s name because “it’s survival of the fittest”. Jessie tells Lydia they’ll discuss it further.

Russell is now brought up into the HOH, and is informed of the discussion. He seems to think Braden should be their target, and by taking Lydia down she’ll owe them. Natalie seems to agree because Braden is “persuasive as hell”.

Ronnie is then asked by Russell about targeting Braden, and of course he agrees. Ronnie says the backyard incident showed how Russell is a “loose cannon”, and by agreeing to his plan he’s showing them what a “valuable asset” he can be. Yet, he goes right to Jeff and Jordan with this news, and they immediately bring Braden in to tell him. In the diary room, Braden claims that Russell is “jealous” of him. Ronnie quickly adds that nobody should know that he was the informant, but Russell noticed the two of them talking. He brings Ronnie into the storage room to ask him if he told Braden, and of course he quickly denies it. Russell doesn’t seem to believe him, and gives him the evil eye as he eats.

Jessie then enters the kitchen, and Russell takes him into the storage room to tell him that Braden now knows. They talk about how Ronnie talks to everybody all the time, and even tried to follow them into the storage room. Hell, even Russell says he’s acting stupid.

It’s finally time for the POV meeting, and it follows the usual script. Russell is shown contemplating his decision in front of the wall of photos, and babbles about how the decision is going to be what works best for him. Ronnie says he’s worried because he “rolled the dice”, and then everybody is called in. Lydia hopes her conversations with the athletes will save her, and Braden babbles how if he is put up he’ll “take it like a man”.

Both nominees babble the usual garbage about how they’d like to go down but would respect Russell’s decision. He then announces that he’s going to use the veto on Lydia, and Jessie then announces that Braden is indeed the new nominee “due to today’s current events” (whatever that means). The nominees (and former nominee) babble the usual stuff about fighting to stay in the house.

So ends the veto meeting, and the episode. See you Thursday when Braden (probably) gets the boot!

Sunday
Jul122009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episoode 2 Recap

Welcome back, my friends! It’s time for episode two of the season, and the producers have a ton of material to show us. We’re going to see the reactions to Jessie’s entrance into the house, the ramifications of losing the HOH competition, and the initial reactions to each other that leads to what we’ve been reporting here since the feeds were turned on Thursday night. Oh yeah, and we’ll see Jesse’s nominations (and rumor has it we’ll see the veto completion, but I doubt that).

Ugh, same opening as always. Isn’t it time the production team hired some new blood? Oh, silly boobalicious Laura - “nine out of ten girls hate me because of the way I look”.

After the recap, we do indeed see Jesse enter the house amid a few incredulous screams. Lydia and Kevin aren’t so excited, though. “I hate Jessie”, complains Kevin. “A meathead. A guy I couldn’t connect with.” I now have a new opinion on Kevin. Lydia says that somehow she needs to find common ground with him.

Ugh, Jesse really hasn’t changed. Bragging away in the diary room, stripping off his shirt. Get over yourself, dude. Russels is happy, though, because he’s a “pretty neat cat”. Natalie, meanwhile, sees Jesse as an advantage for herself and her team. Ronnie is also excited because he “knows his weaknesses. I’m stronger than Jesse. I can outthink Jesse.” Oh boy.

Lydia attempts to make small talk with Jesse, which leads Russell to complain how she’s kissing up to him. Meanwhile, Ronnie brings in Michelle and Chima to suggest bringing in the “athletes” to carry through the game. Really, Ronnie? You’re going to carry Jesse and Co.?

Jeff has a conversation with Jesse, who claims that Jeff knows each other more than he does. Um, they just met an hour or so before he came into the house. Jeff’s not so crazy with the idea of reporting who is talking about him.

And now we go to the boring “who wants to see my HOH” segment. Kevin says it’s “super zen”, and Casey is envious because Jesse didn’t have to do anything to get into it. Ugh, I hate when Jesse talks like people are ten years old. He just hates that everybody is envious of him.

Ronnie is now in the bedroom with Jordan, Michelle and Lydia complaining about how he hated high school because he played video games. Michelle complains that in high school people spread rumors that she was a lesbian. Isn’t that because you’re so smart? Jordan can’t relate, and says she treated everybody the same, even if they had tattoos or had glasses. Sure you did. Ronnie thinks that this clique split can show America how everybody is really the same. God, did CBS script that for him?

So now Ronnie is waiting for Jesse upstairs to ensure his safety. He immediately throws Michelle and Chima under the bus, saying they have “no gameplay”. He guarantees those three votes to anybody he wants out the door. Again, we hear Ronnie talk about how this game is an “opportunity” to work with the kinds of people who hated him in high school. Oh Lord.

After a commercial break, we see Lydia and Kevin complaining again about how much they hated high school…and how tough it is to deal with people like Jesse. They’ve both been judged too much in their lives. I guess having tattoos is just like being gay. “There’s more than meets the eye”, she says.

Now it’s Russell’s turn to kiss Jesse’s ass, and they immediately form a mutual admiration society. Russell immediately says that Lydia should be on the block because she’s so smart. Russell says in the diary room that the two of them together are unstoppable.

Jesse now plays chess with Natalie with a crowd gathered to watch. Laura asks who the hottest guy in the house, and Kevin says it’s Jeff. It’s clear what name Jesse wants to hear, and Laura doesn’t disappoint. I have to give Jesse credit - he saw right through it as a “desperate attempt”. Jesse beats Natalie, and then brags how nobody can beat him. They all pretend to eat it up, and Natalie’s flirtations continues. It’s obviously working, as Jesse says in the diary room that he can see a “lot of my attributes” in her.

Now we see them together in the HOH bed, talking about who they should align with. They both agree on Ronnie, since he’s no threat, and we now see Ronnie telling Chima how he set it up for them. Oh god, cliché time. “Actions always speak better than words.” Again, it’s a “great opportunity”.

Ronnie and Chima then interrupt Natalie and Jesse, and Natalie asks them about being a pawn to “hide the brains alliance with the athletes”. Really, in the first week you want to hide alliances. Chima is obviously not comfortable with this idea, but Ronnie is smart enough to know that all too often the pawn ends up going home.

Jesse gathers the troops after another commercial break to announce the details of what used to the food competition. The clique who loses the competition now loses more than just food. It’s a “have and have not” competition now. Kevin’s not happy, but everybody does have fun caking on their “war paint”, especially Lydia.

They’re even more impressed by the “rave-like” setup outside. The athletes aren’t playing, so they get to “chill” in the VIP area. There’s neon lights that spell the word “have”, and using pipes they have to light it up. The last-place clique is the first “have nots”. Ronnie’s “fairly confident” because he’s a smart guy. Yeah, but you don’t have a Phd.

So the game commences, and Jordan has no clue with the instructions she’s being given. Casey’s team seems to do well because, as Lydia puts it, he “has that teaching and coaching ability”. The brains aren’t doing so well, though, even with Ronnie’s plan to work in a “linear” fashion.

Casey says he saw they were doing well, and that the other teams weren’t doing well at all. “It was a complete mess”, explains Michelle. Casey’s team fit’s the final piece and celebrates their win. Braden says that he was looking at the game like it was a bunch of “Lincoln logs”, and they indeed are ahead of the brainiacs. Ronnie, meanwhile, is creating nothing short of a mess. Needless to say, the Populars come in second place.

With the game over, Jesse describes how not only are they on slop but they get cold showers and must sleep in the “have not” room. Chima’s pissed, saying she can’t deal with it. Michelle complains how she’s such a sore loser.


They walk back into the house to see a huge pot of slop, and the “barren” room they must live in. “By the end of the week, I will be in a straitjacket”, complains Chima. Ronnie is fairly upbeat, while Jesse brags about how hot he looks in his pink tights. Ugh. Chima can’t live in such circumstances, she says, and just wants to go home now. Casey laughs in the diary room about how the “princess” is acting.


We return from commercials with the footage we saw Thursday night on Showtime - the “bikini competition”. Oh yeah, it’s very nice. Laura eats it up, but outside of her oversize breasts Michelle is just as hot. Jesse immediately realizes that she’ll use her “assets” to survive in the house, but “whatever she’s selling, I’m not buying”. (Funny thing is, that’s the only time I’ve seen Laura smile, let alone wear something provocative.)


Jesse is now alone in the kitchen with Laura, who again attempts to flirt with Jesse. She asks him if he can tell who are the people just kissing up to him. Um, yeah, he does, and it’s you, my dear. Laura complains in the diary room about how he doesn’t seem to want to talk to him, but clearly it’s because it’s a “school boy game, and it’s going to get him attention if he’s rude to me”. No, dummy, it’s because he can see through you.

Jesse is now upstairs with Natalie and Lydia, who offers to give him a massage. “That’s definitely a way to get closer to him, and talk to him”, she explains. Again, we hear Jesse talk about how everybody is going to kiss his ass this week since he’s HOH. She admits in the diary room that she’s being nice to him to find out where she stands with him.

After showing a sign that says “nominations today”, we cut to Natalie, Jesse, and Russell debating the nominees. Natalie, the spokesperson for Team Jesse, explains how somebody from the Brains is definitely going up as a pawn. Right now, it’s between Laura and Lydia. Russell wants Lydia because she’s “playing the game” whereas Laura is doing nothing. Russell claims he’s “running the show from the backgrounds”. Um, yeah. Jesse claims in the diary room that he’s going to do what’s best for Jesse instead of listening to them. Are ya?

It’s now nomination time, and again the script hasn’t been changed from previous seasons. Laura is worried, but says if “Jesse is playing hardball, he’s playing with the wrong girl”. Ronnie is hoping that Chima is indeed the pawn, while Lydia believes she’s safe. Russell again claims that he’s running the show, while Braden babbles in surfer speak.

Jesse babbles some more about loyalty and retaliation. It’s really no different than we heard from him last year. He then announces it’s time for the ceremony, and we see (in order) Michelle, Braden, Kevin, Ronnie, Jordan, Laura, and Casey pull their keys.

Jesse admits that he doesn’t have much to go by since this is the first week, and really doesn’t give any other excuses. Chima knows that pawns “have a tendency to go home”, and Ronnie brags how the nominations are “the best thing ever!”. Lydia is tearful because there’s no reason for her to go out this early. Braden babbles more surfer speak. Can somebody please translate? Jesse babbles some more Jesse-ism, and then we conclude the episode. Funny how NOTHING from the commercial was used!!!

See you all Tuesday!!!

Thursday
Jul092009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 1 Recap

Has it really been a year already? Oh yeah, it’s only been ten months. While time has flown since we last saw the Big Brother house, it seems like an eternity since Dan Gheesling was crowned the winner of season ten.

I must say that CBS has done a great job at building up season 11. Besides the usual round of news articles and TV appearances (besides last night’s lackluster Julie Chen “announcement” about the sex of her child), the network and producers have dropped enough hints about house activities that even the most lukewarm BB fan has to be excited for this evening’s episode.

While CBS is hyping the “green” theme of this season, what has most fans chattering online is the news that former HG’s are inside the house. Every day has seen a handful of new rumors - some thrilling, others frightening. If the latest rumors are indeed true, I’m a bit scared for the season. Or at least the first few days. Please don’t let it be true that ***** is in the house!!!

Uh oh, bad news for me. Just minutes before the start of the show, my cable company interrupted all channels with weather alerts. This could be a frustrating hour for me.

So here we go!!! Same set, same Julie stance, and just a bit of a pregnancy bump. Oh god, she has to make a bad joke about her “expecting”. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know how the show works. Um, just by the wall pics I know who I will inevitably hate, but I’ll keep it to myself for now.

Julie starts by sort of explaining the four cliques - jocks, outcasts, etc. - and we then see the HG’s receiving their “keys”. Ok, I do know I’m going to hate ultimate nerd boy Ronnie. But I do love Jordan (but Laura is an overly-big implant disappointment)! Overall, it’s the same scripted clichés we hear every year, although I do like Laura’s comment about white rappers right before Casey‘s beat boxing disaster.

After Julie’s first “but first”, we get to see everybody walk in. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Julie has them all look around at everybody, then has them enter in groups of four. Yes, it’s that same screaming with excitement stuff we’re all used to. One word of advice - settle down, Ronnie! Kevin likes him, though. Lydia’s not liking the “splish splash” room, though, and Braden immediately volunteers to bed with three women.

They crack open a bottle of champagne, and begin telling their stories. Russell doesn’t seem to like Ronnie, but I’m sure the feeling is mutual. Casey doesn’t really like Chima, too. Michelle thinks it’s smart to downplay just how smart she is. Oh boy. That always works. Natalie decides to lie about her age to hide that she’s a champion tae kwan do-er. WTF? Hahahahaha - Kevin sees through her! Now he makes a crack about Laura’s giant boobs. Maybe I like this guy after all! Jordan says Jeff is “Days of Our Lives” cute - what does that even mean? (I still love her, though!)

After a commercial break, it’s time for Julie to inform them of the “high school clique” twist. This should go down well. (Enough with the “will change the game unlike ever before” crap!) Nice bad camera work when Julie mentions age. (Oh, and enough with the overly-dramatic pauses.) At least one part of the rules is clarified - whomever is in the same clique as the HOH can’t be nominated for eviction. Even the cast is pissed when Julie announces they’ll find out later which clique they’re in.

Most of the cast begins immediately groaning. Lydia is clearly not happy, and Kevin complains how he hated high school. Nice reference, Lydia. She wants Kevin in her group, so he can be “her Ducky” to “her Molly”. Quick, which movie is she referring to? Braden really seems to be a brain surgeon, and Ronnie believes he’s the smartest person in the house. Michelle again announces that she’s so smart. Yeah, we get it. You have a Phd. Natalie is still worried her age “secret” will be revealed, and again Casey reminds us how old he is. Ok, this is going on long enough. Can we please get this over with?

Finally, Julie returns to inform them of their groupings. They head out to the backyard, and nobody is really surprised with their cliques. Natalie downplays her tae kwan do background to Russell., and Lydia’s mood changes when she indeed is put into the “offbeat” group. Ugh, Casey. We get it. You think you’re hip with the youngsters. OMG, Michelle again has to brag about how smart she is, and Chima just has to point out that she was also popular. I hate hate hate her.

Julie comes in to announce the first HOH competition. A few people gasp when Julie tells them to “step into their underwear”, but unfortunately it’s not what they were thinking. The competition is called “The Wedgie”, and they have to hang onto their toilet seat as they’re being hung by their oversized underwear. But wait, the winner won’t actually be HOH, which completely confuses everybody. Julie promises to introduce us to four “familiar” faces after the break.

OMG, the rumors are true - Cowboy is indeed one of the four returning HG’s. And he thinks he was robbed of a victory. Dear Lord. Cute, but annoying Jessica is the second person introduced, and she thinks she was robbed of a win because of America’s Player. Um, no. BB10’s Brain is the third returning HG, and he feels he lost because he played too hard. Well, at least he’s being realistic.

The final returning HG is, unfortunately, Jesse. Yes, we get it. You have muscles. Oh god, I forgot just how much he annoyed me. He really hasn’t gotten any smarter.

Julie calls it their “Big Brother Do-over”, and she explains how they’re aligned with the cliques. Not only do they get to enter the house if their corresponding clique wins, they also get to be the first HOH. Julie then also explains this scenario to the house. The HG’s are then raised, and Russell and Laura immediately start whining. Braden says he wants to slap Laura’s ass. Um, sure you do. Casey claims that the girls have an advantage due to “obvious reasons”. Note to
Casey - enough with the homeboy talk.

The smartest girl in the house drops first, followed by Ronnie. Only Chima is left in the “brains” category, and she complains about how she should have had better teammates. Julie announces that the former HG’s get to choose contestants to get “super wedgies”, which means that their platforms start to move up and down. Come on, Julie, this is silly.

We do get a nice shot at Casey grabbing his junk, and Lydia then falls, followed by Jordan. Kevin is the next to go, leaving Casey as the only “off-beater” remaining. Jeff then falls, and Julie now has the former HG’s choose another round of “super wedgies”. The “athletes” get three of these, but Chima is the next to fall. Poor Brian.

Casey wants to fall, but for some reason Russell tells him to hang on. He still drops, though, and thankfully Cowboy is eliminated. It’s now the “populars” versus the “athletes”. I never thought I’d say this, but GO POPULARS!

After another set of commercials, we hear Laura brag about how they’re going to win! Yeah, sure. Kevin complains that the offbeats are going to be the targets “just like it was in high school”. Natalie begins to show off, and even Russell says she’s going a bit overboard. You think? Both Braden and Laura say they’re ready to drop, and sure enough Laura does indeed fall. She claims she could have held on, but doesn’t want a “target on her back”. Um, your target’s on your front, my dear.

Everybody is now starting to feel the pain…just as we viewers are watching this dullfest. Braden finally falls, making the athletes the victors. Oh, the humanity!!! We’re now forced to deal with Jesse for another season!!!

> Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could be targets. Blah blah blah. The typical post-contest blather. Julie then announces that it’s a former HG, and Lydia immediately catches on that it’s Jesse. Natalie hopes it’s Matty. Jesse is then allowed to walk into the house with lots of dramatic music, but we don’t get to see the silliness.


And scene. That’s the end of the first episode of season 11 of Big Brother. What do you think of this year’s HG’s? Or the twist?

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