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Entries in Episode Recap (127)

Sunday
Jul292012

Big Brother #14, Episode 8 Recap

The prospect of watching tonight's episode frightens me. Seriously, I'm almost panic-stricken. Why? It's not due to the fact that I'm going to have to view that dimwit Shane actually attempt to strategize. No, that's almost funny. It's also not the inevitable whinefest that is Britney fail another challenge. Nope, I'm almost used to it.

What scares me is a little Southern cliche whose "teaching" skills clearly doesn't include English. I've complained about this all season, but the words that come out of Daniele's mouth sounds to me like a mixture of taliban terrorists, Game of Thrones peasants, and Charlie Brown's teacher. The noises just don't make any sense, which is probably her only saving grace as I can't imagine my reactions if I COULD understand her.

Unfortunately, this episode is bound to include way too much of this southern inbred (my apologies to non-inbred southerners), as she has attached herself to our current HOH, Shane, as if she's a little poodle on his lengthy chain (which, by the way is also one of her 50 Shades of Grey fantasies).

If there are lengthy gaps in my timeline tonight, it is simply because it's become easier to skip her segments than to try to run them through my "moron interpreter". So let's jump right into this episode, and the always-predictable reactions to Jojo's ouster...which means the first portion of the show I can't transcribe. After Daneile's nonsense, Frank describes his week as "pretty spectacular", as two people from Britney's team left her only Shane. For some reason, Shane says that was almost "teary-eyed" as she left. Oh, and we have ot listen to Britney do what she does best - whine and whine some more.

We then jump to the conclusion of the HOH contest, which Shane won and was immediately dry-humped by Britney. Now we get happy, cocky Britney in the diary room. Frank, though, isn't as happy although he claims to have a bit of a deal with him. Ugh, Joe has to add his two cents. Oh wait, I mean YELL his two cents about what a "buzzkill" Shane's victory means to him.

The next shot is in the storage room, and Daniele is now the one dry-humping Shane. We're talking pelvic thrusts...on her side at least. Shane doesn't seem the least bit interested. Shane plays up to his phony stereotype, though, saying that last week his focus was on Jojo but with her gone he's going to play with Daniele this week. Gag me, please!

The mood is more dire in the bedroom, as Jenn (who?), Joe, and g-string clad Wil are not happy about the turn of events. Wil says that Shane has gone "from the hunted to the hunter", and that his targets are Janelle and Boogie's players. "I'm afraid he sees me as a shiny white doe that can be taken out in one shot. I'm screwed. Get me some camouflage, folks."

Boogie isn't so worried, though, because of the secret deals he and Frank made with Shane. He says in the diary room that while he has to mope around the house, he's not worried at all.

Time for more Britney whining, as she's complaining to Ashley how she's "so tired" of this and that and this and that. For feed watchers, this is a constant line of vomit from her pretty little mouth. She's going to make sure, though, that this week Boogie and Janelle's teams know what it feels like to be on the block. "I'm going to make sure that this week things get stirred up." For once, Ashley is a voice of reason, as she complains how Britney is "drunk with power. It's kind of scary."

HOH room reveal time. You folks all know how I feel about this.

Once this dogshit segment ends, Joe is now complaining to Janelle that he and Wil will be those on the block. Janelle decides she needs to rebuild her friendship with Britney.

Uh oh, creepy filler time again. Shane is shirtless as usual in the HOH, and Daniele can't hide the lust in her creepy eyes. Britney and Dan have a laugh about the sexual tension in the room. Too bad all the tension is one-sided. Britney decides to talk game play, and wants to put up one player from Boogie and Janelle's teams. She asks Dan who is the best person to go up, and Dan's response is the "most likely to win this game" - Frank and Wil. Before the topic can go any further, Shane pipes up and says he can't nominate Frank. "Wil is definitely going up because it's going to cripple Janelle." Britney argues that Frank is a much bigger threat, and Dan adds that they should want him out. Shane wants nothing to do with it, as he understands why Frank nominated him last week.

More filler, as Joe has decided to cook breakfast in bed for Shane and Britney. After his typical diary room screams, Boogie says he's never seen such a pathetic ass-kissing. Yep, sir, you're correct. Too bad he interrupted a "nice dream about Carmen Elektra" that Shane was having. Yeah, right.

And even more filler, as we get tonight's crazy chat from Ashley. She's a hippie chick who has something called a "Dreamboard" but loves rap music. Supposedly, this dreamboard thing resulted in her getting an iPhone. Um, wow.

Back to game talk, as Frank is now in the HOH with Shane, who says Wil is his number one target and that Britney wants him to also put up Frank. He wants to "stay true to my word", and that he'll vote against Wil if that makes him happy.

OMG, more Daniele filler! Fast forward. Fast forward...even if Jenn discussing coming out to her mother is involved in this segment. Wait, Daniele is scared of lesbians???

Back to game talk, even if Daniele is involved. She's lying in bed with Shane, and he says that he has to "make a big move". She thinks Wil and Frank would be the best move so it would cause Boogie and Janelle to go at each other. Again, Shane wants nothing to do with nominating Frank. Daniele isn't happy, and we're led to believe that he may be reconsidering. Oh, and these two dopes made a final two deal. Yep, that will happen.

Coach's comp time, and they're now all dressed as if they're in an Olivia Newton-John exercise video. In each round they have to do reps on an exercise machine.. The coach with the least reps is out, but they do get to pick a prize.

The first round is somewhat similar to a bucking bronco, and let's just say it appears that Janelle has done her share of ridin', if you know what I mean. When the time ends, Britney is in last place, and in her locker she has won the right to pick this week's slop recipients. Before she can make a choice, Ian (again) volunteers. Joe is her second choice, and Ian says that his strategy in taking the slop is that people will keep him around if he's willing to take punishments.

The second round is a back-to-back hip roll, and this time Boogie is out. His prize is a cash reward of $10,000 for himself and two players. He takes the six thousand, and gives three thousand to Ian and a grand to Jenn. For some reason, Ian tears up. Dude, you're playing for a half-million. Three grand is nothing.

The final round, then, is Janelle versus Dan, and this exercise involves working a lever back and forth with their tongues. Yeah, we know who is better at working that muscle. Um, eww It should be obvious to all that Janelle wins this round (107-45)...and the competition! Dan's prize is a sushi party for five people, and he chooses the coaches (so they're not alone without him around), along with Shane and Daniele. The most important decision, though, is Janelle's, who gets to either save or trade a player. Her decision is to save Wil from nomination this week. Shane, Frank, and Joe are not happy!

The house walks back into the house and discovers the lamest Have-not food in Big Brother history - salmon and Fruit Loops. Oh, I see. It has to do with Boogie's arguement with Willie two weeks ago. You just can't let the wild man go without some type of mention, can you CBS?

Up in the HOH, Joe and Janelle are groveling. Joe is just not good at this game, though. Janelle's move is to remind Shane what Frank did the previous week, and it probably doesn't hurt that her breasts are hanging all over the place. She offers safety for a week, but Britney is shooting daggers her way...or at least one of her eyes is pointed in that direction.

It's Boogie and Frank's turn to sweet talk Britney and Shane. This time, Britney actually speaks, saying that she wants one person from each team to be up to "even things up a little bit around here". Once they leave, Britney continues to Shane that he has to put up Frank...as Shane is being called to the diary room to start the nomination ceremony. "Oh my God, I don't know what he's going to do", she realizes as we head to the last commercial break.

It's nomination time, and after silly, loud comments from Wil and Joe, we get down to business. Shane is confused whether he listens to Britney or "stay true to my word". The first key belongs to Jenn, followed by Ian, Daniele, and Frank. The nominees are Ashley and Joe! Shane's excuse is that Janelle is the only coach that hasn't had a nominee, so she needs to know how it feels. Ashley is confused, and is in tears that she "doesn't trust anybody in the house". Shane hopes the risk is worth it, but Janelle says "game on" and she is going to do "everything in my power to fight". Joe says it's "on like Donkey Kong", and that if it's the last thing he does he's going after Shane. Um, how is that possible if you leave this week, you big dummy?

That's all she wrote, folks. What did you think of tonight's show. Did Shane make the right choices? And how crazy is both Daniele and Ashley? Let us know!

Thursday
Jul262012

Big Brother #14, Episode 7 Recap

Jojo versus Daniele. Which of these ladies is going home tonight? More importantly, does anybody care? Neither has really established themselves as noteworthy characters this year. In fact, they've done nothing but live up to the stereotypes that blemish the fine people of Long Island and Alabama. One is all talk but no action; the other is psycho talk but no action.

Before we begin, though, it should be noted that earlier in the day Julie Chen tweeted that we would se a "game-changing twist" tonight. I don't put much stock in this proclamation, though, as just last week the "trade or save" decision in the coach's competition was also labeled as such. I call it nothing more than hyperbole, but who knows?

After the customary hype from Julie, the show starts with the standard post-veto ceremony comments. Yes, Daniele is pissed. Yes, Jojo has her back against the wall but is still fighting...blah blah blah.

Daniele heads into the bedroom to drown her sorrows, and Coach Dan gives her a pep talk, telling her that his earlier conversation was a "motivational tool to light a fire underneath her". Whatever, Danny Boy. He acknowledges in the diary room that he "may have gone a little too far, but it's now my job to reel her back in". He promises to "help get you out of this mess". Thankfully, Daniele forgives him. Yuck!

Meanwhile, Shane is giving a similar pep talk to Jojo, reminding her that she's "never out of this game". Shane promises to help keep her around, and Ian then walks in. The lights are turned off, and Shane and Jojo begin their version of "sexy talk". Ian is a bit uncomfortable because he's trying to sleep while "Shane attempts to board the Staten Island Ferry". Nicely said, Ian!

It's now the next morning, and Ian and Daniele are sharing the cot outside. She asks him about the late-night conversation she overheard, and Ian tells her they were all just joking around. Daniele is SHOCKED to hear that Jojo and Shane were talking "da sexy" because, you know, in Daniele's psycho mind THEY were a couple. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", she says. Really?

Daniele heads into the bedroom where Janelle and Ashley are napping. She climbs into bed with them to badmouth Shane. Too bad Daneile doesn't know what "emancipated" means, but neither does Ashley as she meant to say "emaciated". Idiots. We do know how much Janelle likes "mean girl" talk, though, and she loves every second of it.

With the ice fully broken, Daniele relays everything that Ian just told her. "I thought you and Shane liked each other", replies Ashley. "He can get in Staten Island if he wants", is Daneile's response. Oooof. Yet Daniele isn't completely over Shane, as she adds "I lost ot Staten Island". In the diary room, Janelle reminds viewers how dangerous "showmances" are to the rest of the players.

Jojo now heads up to the HOH to talk to Britney. I mean get lectured by Britney, who gives her typical advice - shut up. "Absolutely anything can be turned against you", she says. "So it has to be nothing but pink roses and rainbows coming out of your mouth." She also adds that she just saw Janelle and Daniele laughing and cuddling. Britney doesn't think she got through to her.

Boogie now has to endure Britney's whining, as she pleads with him to not send Jojo home. She claims that Daniele is smarter than he thinks she is, and says it's because she knows she can't trust Jojo to do the right thing. Boogie says the only reason to even consider booting Daniele is if the coach twist comes true. "I do feel that the new people's automatic instinct will be to go after the coaches." Britney doesn't agree, and asks if she thinks he can work with Dan. When Boogie says no, Britney believes she has the upper hand in this argument, but Boogie claims that he has five noobs under his wing. "I would hate to see (Dan) go personally, but professionally I'd like to see him pack the bag and beat it on Thursday". Yes, there's the reasonable doubt we need before the actual eviction.

It's commercial break time, and when we return we have to once again replay the Willie situation. I guess it's a leadup to some Chen questions, as we go right to the living room after the taped segment. Ah yes, that is the case as Joe is immediately asked about what was going through his mind when Willie was going nuts. He says he was only thinking about protecting himself, and mindless cliches about handling the heat. Quit yelling! Ian is also asked since he was in the bathroom, and he admits he was worried about his own self-being but since he is an RA at Tulane he wanted to "step in and break things up. I just wanted to keep everybody safe". Shane's veto victory is then shown, and Britney says it was "incredible" when he won. "Well worth me jumping into a giant bowl of guacamole."

This segment was cut short because we have to spend some time with Dr. Will. After an intro package cut between shots from his tattoo-removal business and his Chilltown antics, he says that his pal Boogie is "doing a phenomenal job. He's got the guy with the crazy hair, he's got the nerd, and he's got the rocker. Right now, Boogie is coaching Frank to be his new Frankenstein. I think he's trying to build a bigger, better, faster Chilltown." Come on, Will, you can't possibly believe that crap! He does note that sometimes Boogie's ego gets in his way, like in the last Coach's Competition.

As for the other coaches, Will doesn't think too highly of their job so far. "Their play so far is lackluster, and less they get their act together very quickly Mike Boogie and his players are going to steamroll them." Will adds that if Seacrest and Kermit the Frog had a baby, it would be Dan. While he is always coaching, he believes that his eyes led him to picking the all-girls team.

Britney, though, is as huge a disappointment to Will as to the rest of America. "You better put your coaching hat on. If your players are getting evicted for violence, you're doing a terrible job at coaching." He says that Janelle is a "phenomenal competitor, but the question is (whether) she is good at strategy. If she wins this show, she will have redeemed her previous losses. If she loses, however, she's just a three-time loser."

The segment ends with Will's choice for the ultimate victor, and he thinks it will be Ian. "People may think that Ian and Boogie have nothing in common, and that is completely incorrect. He's just a forty year-old Ian." Ooooh, that's pretty good, Will! A nice little split screen allows Will to end the segment with a nice jab at Boogie's awful clothing choices. "Season two called, and they want their clothes back!"

While I thought it was eviction time, we have our first HOH chat of the season. Frank kisses up by asking Julie if she "is my homegirl". Ooof. She asks him about the importance of Boogie's advice, and it is nothing but admiration. His possible relationship with Shane is next, and he replies that he has to have plenty of different plans to keep safe. Will the alliance with Janelle last? Yes, he says. Thankfully, that's it for this segment.

Now it is eviction time, and we start with the final pleas. Jojo goes first, and she babbles about how she planned to play dirty but "that's not who I am...I think I've proven that I'm loyal, and that is what has got me in this situation". She believes evicting her is a mistake because "this game is all about making big moves". Well, isn't evicting her a big move?

Daniele is next, and almost falls on her ass. That was easily the highlight of her speech, as she just talks. Nothing is really said except that she likes everybody.

Voting begins with Wil, who votes to evict Jojo, as does Joe, and Ashley. After a commercial break, Shane votes to evict Daniele, but Ian and Jenn vote against Jojo. It's 5-1, and Jojo is the fourth person evicted from this season!

When the news is read, Jojo gives a little hip shake, and doesn't follow through with her promise to only hug her five friends (shocker!). Instead, she yells "make big moves", and saunters out of the house. Julie begins the interview by asking what she whispered to Shane, and it was nothing more than "stay strong" and "I believe in you". Sorry, Julie, I know you really wanted your fake showmance.

Julie then asks about why she "deserved" to be their more than Daniele, and she claims she proved herself in the first HOH competition. "The fight and the heart I have I don't think a lot of people in the house has." Yeah, but the issue is your personality, sweetheart. Willie is the next topic, and why she stayed loyal to him after the fight with Frank. Again, we just hear that she's "too loyal". Oooh, here's a question I like - Britney as a coach. Jojo believes she's the "underdog" of the coaches. Say what?

It's goodbye messages time, and it starts with Jenn. "Maybe the house can only handle one New Yorker." Hmmm. Shane does nothing to erase the sexist stereotype he's created so far this year, talking about how he's going to miss their makeout conversation. "Too bad we didn't get to do it", Jojo replies. After silliness from Daniele, we end with a very scary looking Britney, who...well, whines, of course, about her loud voice.

HOH competition time, and it's a hockey setup where the players have to attempt to shoot a ball into the slot with the highest number. Yes, it's this year's version of the golf game from last season.

Ashely is up first, and hits a four. Joe is up next, and after lining up like he's Tiger Woods, his three doesn't even beat Ashley. Jenn is the third player up, and she completely misses the target. The fourth player is Ian, and he takes the lead with a nine! Wil gets a two, but Shane ricochets a great shot to hit a perfect twenty. The game ends with Daniele knocking in a twelve, making Shane the new HOH!

After another commercial break, Julie congratulates Shane, who repeats Frank's rags to riches story from last week. Britney is also ecstatic...you mean we may have a week with no complaining???

When the mics are cut, Julie announces that America will decide if the coaches will be offered a spot in the game. Pleas go to CBS.com, and vote "2" to prevent the coaches from entering the game. Please, I beg you! Don't let them enter!!!

That's it! What did you think of tonight's episode? Do you agree with Dr. Will's assessment? Are you happy with Jojo's eviction, or Shane's victory? And what about the new America's Choice gimmick? Do you want the coaches to enter the game? Let us know your thoughts!

 

Wednesday
Jul252012

Big Brother #14, Episode 6 Recap

Life without Willie. These words seemed to be an impossibility just a week ago. He was our General, as my friend Colette Lala called him. Our very own Tyrion (and just a bit taller).  A "One Man Revolution", as Tom Morello sings on his most recent album. Viva Le Revolution! "Little Willie" did indeed go home, but life goes on in the Big Brother house...just with a bit less intensity. Ok, a lot less intensity.

Tonight's show should feel condensed, since we didn't get our normal nomination conclusion this past Sunday. That means we get noms, a veto comp, and a veto meeting...plus replays of King Willie's exit and I'm sure a bit of cheese. That's a lot of material in 42 minutes.

We start off with the typical rundown of the entire season to date, just in case you forgot what has happened in the past three days. The actual show commences with yet another replay of Willie's ouster, and the house reaction to Allison Grodner's announcement. Ian recounts his front row eyewitness view of the Joe/Willie encounter, saying that even though he was clad only in a towel he wanted to break it up. "I was extremely scared at that point in time."

Britney does what she does best this season - whine. Everybody hates her, her team's backs are against the wall, blah blah blah. She really sounds like Rachel this year...without the victories. Shane says he was "frustrated" and "petrified" because he knows that he is now a prime target for Frank. Just in case you didn't get that the first time, Dan repeats almost verbatim this thoery. Shane, Jojo, and Daniele are in trouble.

Leaving the whiners downstairs, Janelle, Boogie, and Frank head upstairs to celebrate. "We now get to nominate and evict somebody else", shouts Boogie. "Two for one this week. It's happy hour, baby!"

Jenn joins the party animals, and Janelle asks about this week's targets. Claiming it's a risky move, Boogie says he's pushing for Daniele and "one of our team", so Shane and Jojo aren't even in the thing. Then whoever wins the veto would use it, to be replaced by either Shane or Jojo. Wait, what?

Janelle isn't too keen on what Boogie is saying, and says in the diary room that she still doesn't trust him even though she's working with him. "I don't want any of my players going up, even as a pawn." Jenn is also incredulous. "I'm not interested in this plan, because in Big Brother the pawns go home." Frank, though, thinks it's an interesting plan.

Meanwhile, Shane and Jojo are drowning in their own tears downstairs. Shane figured he would have been on the block anyway, but with Willie gone "I don't know what to expect". Jojo decides that she "deserves" a shot from Frank, and barges into the HOH. "I at least deserve a chance."

Jojo does her best Britney impression, complaining how it isn't fair and she "swears on my grandma's life that I was going to have your back. Obviously, I've shown that I'm loyal to those I align myself with." Yes, my dear, and that's why you are in this situation. Frank counters that he told her last week that if she voted for him "I know that I can trust you". Well, that didn't happen, thanks to King Willie's demands. In case you didn't recall, CBS replays that footage. Jojo's response is that Willie "put it in my head that you can't be trusted". Wow, this is a nothing conversation, and Jojo's diary room explanations don't aid her in this cause.

Three days late (in TV time, at least), it's finally nomination time. The keys are pulled by Jenn, Ian, Joe, Wil, and Daniele. Yes, Jojo and Shane are nominated. Frank comes right out and says that it is because they were aligned with Willie. Shane says he saw it coming, but Daniele is worried that she will be the replacement nominee if either of the noms win the veto.

Britney pulls her two players into the Have-Not room to cheer them up. Wait, it's Britney. What was I thinking? No, she plays up the pity party instead, babbling about how much this week is going to suck. Wow, she really is a terrible coach. "We're all having to go down because of Willie." She continues in the diary room, but she's sounding more and more like Daniele every day. Britney also tells them both to lay low this week. Yep, don't fight at all. Nice work.

Meanwhile, Boogie is reminding Frank that Daniele has had a pretty easy ride so far this season. His plan for Frank is to attempt to "nurture" relationships with both of the nominees, since at least one of them will still be in the house.

It's now time to pick the veto players, and Frank draws out Ian's name. Shane, who doesn't care what name he picks, gets Ashley's name. Both Dan and Daniele want her name pulled, but it isn't meant to be as Wil is pulled by Jojo. The host is Joe (ugh). Daniele is pissed, as "I have to watch my fate be determined by every one else who is getting to play". Hey, I was able to transcribe a Daniele diary room statement!

Before we get to the veto comp, we have to have some idiotic filler. Ashley wants to have babies and get married, and she says "looks aren't huge for me". Please, kill me now as she goes through everything she likes in a man.

Ok, it is game time. Joe is dressed as a mariachi, and it's obviously a Mexican-themed competition, complete with margaritas. The contestants are dressed as giant chips, and there are giant dipping bowls. They must reach in these bowls and grab the "ingredients" listed on the menu.

After lots of babbling about "do or die" and "controlling my destiny", the game begins. In case you forgot the rules, Ian repeats them for us before another Long Island cliche from Jojo. Ian adds that he has an advantage because he has a photographic memory, but we also have to endure more Ashley craziness. Seriously, she is becoming another Daniele.

Ok, time to fast forward to the conclusion. Shane is the first to lock in his results, followed by Ian, Jojo, Frank, and Wil. For some reason, Ashley continues on...and on and on. "She is slower than pond water", says Joe (I think).

The results start with Ashley, who had 13 of 16 right. Wil had a perfect board to take the lead, but so does Frank, Jojo, Ian...and after commercials, so does Shane. This week's POV goes to Shane!

For once, Britney gets to actually celebrate (with a little help from margaritas), and Shane heads up to chat with Frank and Boogie. "Sorry I screwed up your plans", he says. "Now you know I'm legit." Boogie says that they're not unhappy with these results, and Shane says that he does want to work with them. He claims that he doesn't care about the coaches, and that it is an individual game. Boogie babbles some metaphor about a wounded animal, calling Shane a "wounded pet". "If he can be loyal to Willie, imagine what he can do for me!" Boogie tells Shane to not breath a word of what they're talking about to Britney, Jojo, or Dan, and after he leaves tells Frank he believes he can trust him.

Of course, talking is what Shane does next, as Britney grills him on what went on. Oh wait, he really doesn't, as he denies that they made any deals with him. Nicely played, at least as far as what CBS is showing us tonight.

Dan is now talking to Daniele, and has an interesting theory that if he's seen attempting to help her it will actually make it worse for her. Has the Britney germs infected the whole house? In the diary room, he claims that this is a "coaching technique" to "light a fire underneath" her. Um, whatever. Shane walks in, and this gives Dan an opportunity to leave. Daniele jumps right in and asks who Shane is going to vote for. Just like last week, he claims that he doesn't know but that Jojo is on his team.

Instead of lighting a fire under her, she just heads into another room and cries about how she "has nobody...I feel so rejected and unwanted". This could be my favorite moment of the episode.

At the same time, Shane heads into the have-not room to inform Jojo that he wants to convince Frank to put up somebody besides Daniele as the replacement nominee. "I'm going to tell him to put up Wil. Backdoor him. Get him out of this game." Jojo loves this plan! They're going to tell Frank that if any of them win the next HOH, including Daniele, they won't put up Frank. Instead, they'll target Janelle's team.It's the next morning, and Frank and Shane are the earliest outside. After some small talk, Shane launches into his plan. Is Frank buying it? I guess we'll find out in the last segment during the veto ceremony...

...which just happens to be the next segment of the show. Since it is his second week reading these lines, Shane shows a bit of improvement in his script reading, and everybody else does their job before Shane makes the obvious announcement. Frank stands up and..puts up Daniele in his place. Yeah, despite CBS's attempt to create a storyline, Frank does as expected. Frank explains that it is too early to do some risky like nominating Wil, and Daniele complains that it sucks to be up. Jojo adds that she's a "fighter", and that she "wants it way more than she does". Wait, you can't use Dan's football cliches! In 30 seconds, Dan makes up for it by tossing out at least a half dozen other cliches. Make it stop!

There we go for tonight's episode, and I have to say that squeezing that extra segment made this a quicker-paced show than most Wednesday episodes. Take out that awful portion of the show featuring Ashley and you'd actually have a show that makes sense. What do you think? Did Ashley and Daniele annoy you as much as me? Should Frank have put up Wil instead of Daniele? Let us know what you think will happen tomorrow night!

Sunday
Jul222012

Big Brother #14, Episode 5 Recap

Alright, my friends, you better have your popcorn ready tonight, as this is going to be a good one. Tonight is the bitter and disgraceful end of the reign of King Willie, and hopefully a lot of questions are answered.

But how much of the King's fall will we see? As we talked about last night on The Big Brother Gossip Show, there's a good chance that the typical Big Brother Sunday night template will be altered to capitalize on what could be the show's best chance for a ratings boom. I predict that we won't see the nominations; instead, tonight's broadcast will cut off right as Willie goes off on Joe and Janelle. Wednesday's show will then show the true fireworks and his departure.

So here we go!!! It's flashback time, just in case you forgot what happened three days ago. Yes, Frank, you made a comeback, and Willie is not happy. Janelle adds that aligning her team with Frank is a smart move for the time being. Ashley explains her vote to evict Kara as a way to get rid of somebody who was going to play her game - slipping "under the radar". Interesting.

After Kara's departure, Willie is seen steaming and Dan is consoling his remaining player, Daniele, by telling her that he won't "let her down" like he did Kara. Yeah, I'm sure that makes her feel better. He also adds that even with "one chip", Big Brother allows you to play so he's still in the running.

Meanwhile, Frank and Boogie are jumping around. Boogie explains that the vote was basically the house versus Willie. "The house decided that the best chance to get rid of Willie is to keep Frank. Kara probably wasn't going to dare to go after him." Boogie advises Frank to "go out and get HOH". This is exactly what Frank does, of course, and the two continue to gloat. Ugh, the Frank and Boogie Show is old already.

As they celebrate their victory, Willie storms out. "At this moment, I really don't want to talk to anybody. The worst person that could have won won...I'm going to stay fighting, and hopefully win POV and then HOH next week." Foreshadowing? Shane adds that he's considering dropping his affiliation with Willie.

Janelle is now seen consoling Britney, and says that "I now you like Willie, but he needs to go". In the diary room, Janelle adds that it was impossible to keep her alliance with Britney because Willie is so uncontrollable. Ugh, there goes the "bully" word from Janelle. "The entire house wants him out." Britney adds in the diary room that Willie has embarrassed her, and that it was a mistake to pick him for her team. "It's a disaster."

Dan is still giving Daniele advice, and his plan for her is to "get closer to Janelle's team". Once again, we have to endure coaching analogies from Dan, but it does seem to be sinking in on that little psycho nurse/kindergarten teacher.

Now Frank is in the storage room, and it is Jojo's time to suck up. She babbles nonsense about how she is such a "loyal person. It was nothing personal against you." She says in the diary room that she wants to stay loyal to Willie, but continues to talk shit about him. "I think I can work my magic on Frank." Girl, you have no magic...especially when you talk.

Interesting...we're already at the boring section of the show where we have to view Frank's HOH room, and we have not seen Britney tearing a new asshole into Willie. That was the post-eviction show story of the night, as she carried on and on and on. Willie also has no desire to go through this idiocy, but does wander up for a few minutes. Boogie also gets some HOH stuff, and we get a (non-)touching moment of him showing a picture of his child. Willie hangs around for a bit, and then disappears.

Oh, here we go with Britney chewing out Willie. He calmly walks into the lounge room (whatever it's called), saying it's all "no big thing", and she then rips into him for being egotistical, a brute, and the cause of all things wrong in the entire world. Nope, Britney, you made yourself the fool, not the King.

Filler time, as Shane and Daniele flirt. Awful, even with a rare Jenn appearance from the diary room. Plus, I still can't understand a word that twit says.

Now we get to some stuff about the coaching twist. Britney walks into a room where Dan and Boogie are rehashing various scenarios, and Britney says it's doubtful that anybody would actually trade except for her. Boogie counters by saying neither him or Dan are "obvious players", and babbles that getting rid of Willie wouldn't really save her for being the target team since she also has Shane. Britney claims in the diary room that she can't be screwed over by Boogie. Yeah, right.

More filler, as Dan and Janelle talk about how hard it is to be in the house while married and with a kid. Come on, CBS! You have a shitload of major material to show and you're wasting our time with this bullshit!!!

And the time-wasting continues, as once again we see Boogie mentoring Ian. Come on, while I will admit Boogie has given him some good advice you can't possibly believe viewers will buy Boogie as a mentor while wearing the godawful clothing he is constantly sporting on the show.

In fact, this is old, old, old material. In fact, this is from over a week ago, as Ian tells Boogie that he wants to have a date with Ashley. What.The.Fuck. They relay the info to Dan, who goes and drags Ashley outside to propose this "slop date". Ashley plays the role, though, saying that she has a "soft spot for the cute, little nerdy guys with glasses". For the real story, go back to my post from last Monday called "The Worst Porno".

Finally, we move on to game stuff. Britney is in the lounge with Jojo and Shane, and asks what they've been thinking. Shane says they have to "separate from Willie". Jojo adds that it may be better in the long run to just lose Willie now rather than hurting them all for weeks to come. "If there's a way that I can try to keep both of you in the game this week, that's what I'm going to do. I don't think it's fair what has happened; that Willie's actions are going to come back to bite you."

It's now time for the Coach's competition, and Frank and Boogie are dressed in...um, I'm not sure what they're dressed as. Old school NYC white rappers??? They all head out back to the lamest inner city set I've ever seen. There are telephone booths, "graffiti", newspaper stands. Um, it's awful, even with Ian trying to explain it to use.

So the players are all supposedly dressed as old school rappers, but they look...um, ridiculous. Britney doesn't understand the gold pants, either. "I don't know if I'm supposed to be a genie or...a waiter." The actual game consists of transferring bricks of money across a balance beam, and if they drop it they're out of the game.

After the requisite I "have" to win this game, except for Dan who says he's building a weak persona by constantly losing. "We've got to keep it up." Britney jumps out to a huge lead, which is accompanied by silly diary room lines from the rest of the cast, until she knocks over her stack of cash.

Ian now uses physics to inform Boogie how he needs to proceed, and he's in the running with Janelle. Boogie is just a bit ahead of Janelle, but jumps off the beam BEFORE pushing the button. OMG!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Britney loves that he fucked up! "What an idiot!"

Janelle obviously then wins, and she proclaims that the "comp queen is back in the house". She then has to decide whether to trade or keep a player safe, and she decides to keep Ashley safe. "I'm going to need Ashley in this game. I want her to focus and bring her a little bit closer to me, so I kept her safe this week."

Janelle also has to pick the week's have-nots. "I'm definitely picking Willie. Jojo, Shane, and I'm sorry Ian, but you're going to have to take it again if you want the BB experience." Jojo is steaming, especially that she put Shane back on slop. "You're just a mean bitch."

After another commercial break, the house walks in from the competition to find the results of this week's America's Choice for the Have-Nots - pork rinds and pudding. Stupid Jojo decides we need to hear her talk like Fran Drescher. Really, she does. It's terrible. Ian has no problems with this selection, as "pudding is one of the best have-not food choices in the history of Big Brother".

As everybody is milling about, Willie attempts to pull Shane and Jojo into another room. Shane has no desire to follow him - "no, I'm good for a little bit". Britney denies this little meeting, and says in the diary room that Willie is "dead to us". She pulls Jojo into the have-not bedroom, and tells her that she can't be caught talking to him. "When he tells you to come some where, don't go."

The kitchen is now empty except for Jojo, and Willie walks in and says that he's "gonig to get the heat off y'all". Britney then walks in, and tells him to "just stop".

Upstairs, the rest of the crew is gloating. Downstairs, Britney continues to berate Willie before finally telling him to just go "act like that upstairs".

"You think I'm scared", replies Willie. He suddenly sprints up to the HOH room, leaving Britney to continue to complain about him to Jojo. As the HOH crew catch him coming up via the skycam, Willie stops and explains that his anger is because the rest of the team are getting the backlash he caused. "It makes no sense, and I'm about to square that up right now."

Joe rushes to the HOH door, but Willie barges in, saying "I fucked up last week, right? Y'all ain't gotta blame them (Jojo and Shane)." Joe pipes in, saying that those two "chose to stay with you, brother". He then lays out the line that has been repeated for the last two days, that "I'm going to get myself evicted before I get out that door".

Jojo is now shown complaining about Willie to Daniele, as Willie wanders across the house and into that same room. Jojo says that she's sorry but she can't associate with him. He paces around the room as Jojo scatters back to her pudding. "I'm not letting him take me down with him."

Willie continues to pace, and then walks back out into the kitchen. He starts nibbling on a pork rind, and suddenly says "I've never seen a bigger group of pussies in my life". Britney, of course, has to whine back, and Willie says he's "not going out with class". Joe then heads back to the kitchen, and as he walks past Willie says "there's a bunch of (bleeps) in this bitch". Joe asks him what he said, and Willie races to confront him. Ian, dressed in a towel from his shower, attempts to play peace maker as we go to a commercial with Willie and Joe about to punch each other.

When we return, Willie gets into Joe's face, and the noise brings everybody down to see what's going on. Despite what we've been told, Willie doesn't really give Joe a headbutt. They're face to face, and Willie just pushes him with his forehead. We then hear BB tell Willie to go into the bedroom, and it is Janelle's turn to get into Willie's face. "It's our house, too. You don't own this place." Despite what we've been told (primarily by Janelle herself), Willie doesn't really throw a pork rind at her. Well, he kind of does, but it's nowhere near as exciting as I was hoping it would be. Joe is told by BB to not follow Willie, and Jojo consoles Britney. Well, everybody consoles each other in various rooms. Willie is instructed to come to the diary room.

Inside, we see them say, "I need you to come with me", as he walks away from the diary room area.

Now Jenn is consoling Britney, because you know it is all about her. Jojo is still complaining to Shane that they're "going to go down for him", but Boogie is laughing about the whole situation.

Alison Grodner's voice comes on the speakers, and the house is called into the living room. She reads a statement that "violence is not tolerated in the Big Brother house, so Willie has been removed from the game". Britney says she's relieved, but coming from "a game perspective, this is the worst thing that can happen to me as a coach". Yes, Brit, it's all about you. Ian says that he deserved it, and will go down in history as "the least dignified history in Big Brother history". Shane repeats Jojo's mantra that it sucks for them, and in a rare Boogie moment he actually sounds a bit contrite as he talks about what Willie gave up due to a bad temper. Joe ends the segment, and show, by screaming at the camera that he hopes that Willie finds peace.

That's it, folks. I'm a bit shocked that they showed the entire Willie segment, but I'm also pissed that so much of the show was wasted with silliness (and old footage). What did you think of tonight's show? Did you think the entire Willie saga was Britney's fault? let us know your thoughts.