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Entries in Episode Recap (118)

Thursday
Aug042011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 13

A big disclaimer for tonight’s show – what you may see tonight is complete bullshit. Well, at least in the first couple of segments. As stated in a previous post, the past 36 hours has been nothing but Brenchel drama. The world has conspired against the red-headed she-devil and her “genius” (I prefer “special”) boyfriend, and she had been once again talking about walking off the show (which she won’t do).

Instead of these more realistic (and typical) views of Rachel, it is my prediction that the first two segments are going to be filler consisting of the fake wedding they put on for the Showtime cameras a couple of nights ago. There will also be just enough footage of them conspiring with the likes of Shelly to make the world think that Brendon indeed has a shot to survive another week.

So let’s start off with the reactions to what Brendon believes is a shocking turn of events – his use of the veto to save Rachel instead of himself. Yawwwwwwn. Oh Julie, Brendon’s move doesn’t mean “chivalry is not dead”. Brendon is oh so proud of himself as he talks about making sacrifices for “the girl I love”. Excuse me while I gag. Daniele is ecstatic as “all of my Big Brother dreams are coming true”.

Jeff isn’t surprised that Jordan was put up as she’s a safer bet than if he had been put up. Jordan agrees, but she hopes that people will tell her if she’s going home…only because she bought “an eviction dress”. Oh Lord. Rachel, of course, is still crying because they’re “the most dynamic duo”. Please, I just ate dinner!

Rachel runs off into the have-not room crying, but Brendon is all smiles. He is so proud of himself, and wants reassurance that it was such a bold move. “If nothing else, at least I went out with a bang”. Come on, CBS, we don’t need the romantic guitar music.

With that segment thankfully over, Shelly runs into Jeff and Jordan and says she doesn’t get it. She questions whether this was something they had always planned. In the diary room, Jeff says he doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with her without Brendon. “When every piece of fruit and vegetable she looks at reminds her of Brendon, I’m going to rip my hair out”.

Meanwhile, Kalia is running her mouth off with Daniele (a recurring move all week). They’re both happy, and Daniele says that she can beat Rachel easier than Brendon. She does acknowledge that if he somehow stays, she’s in deep shit. She goes over the votes, and says she has to ensure that the noobs vote her way.

Back to Brendon and Rachel, and they’re having a similar conversation. They have to get some noob votes, and Porsche is the first they chatter with. Rachel says they’ll never get rid of Porsche, who points out that Jeff doesn’t seem to upset that Jordan is nominated. Porsche says she is indeed voting for Jordan to leave because she doesn’t want to upset Rachel. Oh yeah, that’s a good reason.

Adam is next, and Rachel says that if he keeps Brendon they’ll keep him safe “the rest of the summer”. Hmmm, how many people can she promise that to? Rachel badmouths Daniele, but Adam is hesitant. Shelly has joined the group, and she indicates that she’s voting to keep Brendon. In the diary room, she goes on about how she has to make the best move for her. Adam, though, continues to not give an answer.

Daniele now sits down next to Adam and asks if they’re “still good”. She’s noticed that Brendon and Rachel are “happy all of a sudden”. Adam claims in the diary room that he still doesn’t know how he’s voting, and tells Daniele that he’s open to reasoning from both sides. “I make my own decisions.” Sure you do.

Back to Kalia and Daniele in the HOH, and they’re laughing about Rachel. Since she’s in the diary room, they call up Porsche to see if they can get her vote. Kalia leaves, and Daniele says she has a better chance if Brendon leaves. “They will lie to every single person to get what they want. They will literally try to sell their first child.”

Suddenly, Rachel walks in and she’s obviously pissed that Porsche is in the room. After whining a bit, she bolts right back out. “The thought of Porsche switching sides and voting out Brendon, and hanging out with Daniele, drives me insane. Why doesn’t she just take a knife right now and gut me?”

Still steaming outside, Porsche tells her that she needs to “stop with the sad thing”. Rachel asks if she’s still on their side, and Porsche says that she is. Brendon comes out and Porsche continues to tell her that she needs to mellow out…and of course, this means Rachel has to storm off. Brendon barks at Porsche for bringing up the topic, and Rachel starts screaming that “obviously, nobody is going to vote for us”.  Porsche wanders off, saying “I can’t help you now, girl”.

Rachel is now on the hammock, and Brendon follows her. “Nobody cares in this game about anybody but themselves”, she whines. She continues screaming, so Brendon chastises her. “I left you in this game so you can play, but you’re screwing yourself by doing this.” He asks if it was a mistake to save her, and she not only agrees but adds that he made a mistake “by asking me to marry you”. Oh yeah, this goes on and on…and moves on to how she can’t get a job and is crazy. Yeah, that’s about right. Ugh, cure the romantic music again as they kiss and make up.

Thankfully, the segment is over and we don’t even have to endure their fake wedding…yet. It’s time for Julie’s questions, and she starts with Adam’s elf costume. Yeah, it’s not worth recapping, except he mentions Dio’s first band, Elf. Oh yeah, and he dances (again). Moving on to Rachel, she asks about Brendon saving her instead of himself. Yes, we get it. You “love” each other. Jeff is then asked about his feelings about the possibility of Jordan leaving before him, and he talks about how he’s never spent a minute in the house without Jordan. And that’s it…with no stupid wedding talk!

Oooh, and now we get an interview with Evel Dick. After a clip of Rachel, Brendon, and Shelly talking about how different the game would have been with him, he claims that he would have never let Daniele play such a stupid game. He says they were “one of the best alliances in Big Brother history”, and we see clips from season eight. He says that she “is trying to come out of the shadow I cast on her in season eight so desperately. She’s playing so hard so fast has been terrible.” He talks about the stupidity of laying in bed with Dominic, which put a big target on him. Clips are shown that indicate the similarities between her and Dom with her and Nick in season eight.

He adds that targeting Jeff last week was a big mistake, as she was “in the best position in that house”. She should have waited until week eight to break up the couples, he adds. Although she has a lot of ground to make up, she is a great competitor so she still has a shot at winning.

In a move guaranteed to anger Rachel, Julie then interviews a barefoot Daniele. Julie starts by asking about targeting Jeff, and Daniele says her only regret was going after him too soon. She is then asked about what her father thinks of her gameplay, and she thinks he’ll criticize her but also back her up. Rachel is then brought up, and whether they can mend fences. “Absolutely not, but not on my account. She feels that I’m splitting up a marriage, not a couple in the house. That’s her problem in this game. She’s only going to play personal, and attack people on a personal level…the rest of her game is going to be to get me out of this house (and probably kill me after the game).” That’s a great answer!

Ok, so it’s final plea time. This should be interesting. Brendon is up first, and after saying he misses his (and Rachel’s) family, he doesn’t drop the bomb like I thought he would. He just gives her a pep talk, and tears up. Jordan is next up, and she just babbles goobleygoop.

Voting begins with Jeff, who votes to evict Brendon. A tearful Rachel obviously votes to evict Jordan. And we go to commercials with the vote tied at one. Silliness. Kalia is voting when we return, and she votes to evict Brendon, as does Adam. Porsche votes against Jordan, though, but Lawon and Shelly both vote against Brendon. Guess who is evicted???

Julie gives the news, and Brendon plays the nice guy as he claps everybody’s hands. He embraces Rachel for the entire time, and picks her up and twirls her. “Win HOH for me.” Oh boy.

The interview with Brendon commences with saving himself over Rachel, and he says that “love is a crazy thing”. Enough with this bullshit! Julie presses by asking if they believed she could go farther than him, but he says he’d have a “little bit better chance of staying longer”. Daniele is brought up, and we know his opinion of her. “I think she’s still living in her dad’s shadow.” He thinks she’ll make it for a few more weeks, and Rachel will be gunning for her.

Final goodbyes start with Kalia, who is a bit full of herself as she says how much she’s happy he’s gone. “I genuinely have no clue why you’re so arrogant. There are a lot of things easier than rocket science. Apparently, getting you out of this house is one of them.” Not smart, girlfriend. Jordan talks about wanting an invitation to their wedding. Daniele is up next, and says nothing intelligent. Speaking of no smarts, Rachel finishes the segment by crying about how “at least our babies will see our love story on DVD.” Kill me now! Julie finishes by noting that this will be the longest time they’ve been apart since meeting, and Brendon says they’ll make it ok. Hmmm, keep Skype away from him.

Before the commercial break, though, Julie announces the new twist to the house. Hey Adam, enough of the jig! She informs them that the next houseguest evicted has a chance to return to the game. Not adding any more info, she then tells us how the four original evictees will be competing against next week’s evictee to return to the game. We get to vote on which of the four will be in this competition. Vote Cassi!!!

Finally, it is HOH time, and it’s called “Checkmate”. It’s a “face off” game, where two at a time go up to answer questions about the first three evictees. Jordan and Kalia are first up, and Kalia correctly chooses Dominic. Rachel and Lawon are up next, and this time Rachel is correct. Kalia and Adam are now up, and Adam is now out. Rachel and Porsche are now up, and Rachel yells out an expletive as she screws up her answer. Jeff and Shelly are now up, and Shelly is correct this time. Kali and Porsche come up, and Kalia is once again correct. She’s now up against Shelly for HOH, and Kalia is the new HOH!!! Rachel is not going to be happy about this!!!

We’re through for this week’s episode. What did you think of the editing? Are you happy Brendon is gone? What about Kalia’s surprise HOH victory? Please comment and let us know your thoughts.

Wednesday
Aug032011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 12 Recap

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no recap for Sunday’s show. I had a good reason, though, as it was my nephew’s ninth birthday. Sure, I could have gone back and written something later, but our live recap of the “endurance” competition completely covered it, and that was over half the show. The other half was Brenchel bullshit, along with a touching Lawon cameo and an annoying “elf”, concluding with the nominations of Brendon and Rachel. Oh yeah, and the President made a cameo (for east coast viewers, at least).

Truth be told, I’m even less excited about tonight’s broadcast. America’s least favorite couple is bound to be the focus of 75% of it, especially with the attention-whoring stunts they pulled the past few days, and I’m beyond sick of them. Maybe we can get Obama to once again interrupt this travesty of a show.

So let’s start right off with the reaction to the nominations. You can pretty much write this segment yourself. Brendon promises to win the veto, and that Rachel will be coming after Daniele. Jeff isn’t shocked, and thinks Brenchel are a better target. He’s still worried about being backdoored. For some reason, Daniele thinks that she’s Robin Hood, “stealing from the rich to give to the poor”. Say what? She adds that the rest of the house is “too scared to make a big move. I think big moves take you really far in this game.” Of course, Rachel is in “tears” as she promises to come after Daniele as payback. “I’m back with Excalibur.” Um, ok. Nice job, diary room, in teaching her a new word.

The so-called “power couple” heads into the have-not room to whine about what happened, and Jeff and Jordan join them. Jordan says that this is not what she expected, and Rachel claims that Daniele wants to pull off a guy that “she can’t compete against”. Rachel says that if one of them wins veto, then Jeff will go up. “I’m not, I’m not an idiot.”

Shelly then walks in and asks what is up, and Brendon goes off on Daniele, saying she has “declared war on the house”. No, she’s doing you a favor. Brendon then jumps into cheese mode, saying that if he’s evicted they’ll still be married for the rest of their life. Ugh.

The others leave the room, and the romantic music kicks in as they embrace. It is pity party time, and Brendon says that if he wins the veto he’ll pull himself off. Oh God, this goes on as Brendon cries in the diary room. ENOUGH!!!

Wait, I started to fast forward as Brendon was babbling some big word, but I stopped as he said “I only know that because I’m a PHD student.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING??? Holy shit, these two are fucking disasters. The romantic music continues, and the vomit continues to rise up into my mouth.

Meanwhile, Jeff and Jordan are alone in another room, and Jordan is still shocked that one of them didn’t go up. Once again, we hear about how one of them will have to go up if they win veto. Jordan volunteers to be that person. Brendon and Rachel then walk in, and this week’s circular discussion carries on.

For some reason, Daniele heads downstairs to console Rachel, and says that she hopes Rachel doesn’t take it personally. In the diary room, Daniele adds that she was trying to cover her back for the future, but Rachel will have none of it as she whines about not making friends in the house. Yeah, this goes about as expected as Rachel complains about Daniele “tearing my heart out”. In the diary room, Rachel calls her a “mean girl”, and I can’t really understand anything else she has to say.

Thankfully, it was time for commercials, and when we return it’s time to pick veto players. Jeff says he wants to be picked for the competition to ensure that nominations stay the same. Sure enough, his name is the first name pulled…which pleases Daniele. “He knows if he doesn’t compete to his fullest, him or Jordan have a big possibility of ending up on the block.”

Rachel pulls out Adam’s name, and Brendon couldn’t be happier as he’s “one less person I have to worry about”. Brendon pulls out Porsche’s name, which causes another diary room screamfest from Rachel. This time, though, she’s screaming in excitement. Danielle chooses Lawon to be the host.

Before we get to the game, though, it’s time for more babbling about the situation from Jordan and Jeff. They decide to talk to her to remind her of their deal, but they both agree that next week they’ll go against it to nominate her. Jeff says the best plan would be to backdoor her. “Whoops!”

Ok, now it’s time to play the game as Lawon comes out wearing a Flavor Flav clock. They head outside to see an obstacle course of almost all the games they previously played. To play the game, everybody has to predict the time it will take them to complete each task. The person who predicted the quickest time performs the task, and If they go over, they’re out. If they make it through in time, then the person who chose the longest time is eliminated.

After hearing from everybody how they have to win, we finally get going. The gumball portion is first, Rachel chose the quickest time, so we have to listen to Brendon go on and on as he cheers heron. Kalia makes her weekly cameo as she says that’s probably how they’re like “in the sack”. Rachel makes it under the time she predicted, so the highest time (Adam) is out.

The second round is the “superhero puzzle”, and Rachel predicts an impossibly low time. Brendon is not happy with her. Needless to say, she doesn’t make it in the time she chose. The third round is the “hairy leg” spelling game, and Jeff knows this isn’t his expertise. After saying that she wanted to be slightly longer than Brendon, Daniele ends up being the lowest prediction. She doesn’t make it in time, and she’s out. Yep, Rachel is happy with this outcome.

Next up is the “cow milking” game, and this time Jeff does want to win. We get a flashback of Porsche and Keith’s embarrassment in the original game, and she picks a crazily high time. Jeff has the lowest time, and he “has” to win to protect him and Jordan. As time ticks away, we head to commercials.

When we return, the final seconds tick off…and Jeff’s milk bottle overflows just a second or so after his time is up. Daniele is bummed. It’s now Porsche and Brendon in the final golf round, and Brendon’s prediction is just two seconds shorter than Porsche. I think you know how this turns out. Yep, Brendon gets a ball in the hole with two seconds left. Yeah, this again gets sickening as Rachel straddles Brendon.

The celebration continues inside, and Brendon’s bright idea is to make everybody think that he’s going to use it on himself but instead use it on Rachel. Somehow, he thinks that will mess Daniele up. And again, we get the bullshit “knight in shining armor” crap.

Jeff is still beating himself over losing the veto, and they’re now worried that Brendon and Rachel will cut a deal with everybody to make sure both of them stay. Jeff thinks that Jordan has a lesser chance of going home if she’s nominated.

Kalia is now seen eating some of Daniele’s food (big surprise), and they’re surprised when Shelly knocks on their door. Immediately asking who Daniele wants to get booted, Daniele replies that it is in Brendon and Rachel’s hands. After she leaves, Daniele and Kalia talk about how “sketchy” she is. Suddenly, we’re led to believe that Shelly is a potential candidate for a nominee. Yeah, right. She decides to talk to Jeff and Jordan.

After another commercial break, Jeff and Jordan come up to visit Daniele. She informs them that she will do “whatever I can to keep you both here. I’m nervous because I hear that Brendon is taking himself off the block.” Jeff says that he’s heard that he’s pulling Rachel off, and Daniele asks them to find out exactly what they’re doing. Jordan volunteers to be the pawn, if she really is the pawn, but Daniele is worried that if Brendon doesn’t take down Rachel she could somehow pull off a victory.

They dutifully report to Brendon their conversation, and Brendon still claims that he’s taking himself down. Jordan says that Jeff and Brendon have the best chance at destroying the game. Brendon says that if she still wants to play with them, she should put up Lawon. Yeah, like that’s going to happen.

It’s now Brendon and Rachel’s turn to visit Daniele, and as she would say – “awwwwkward”. Brendon says that he’s going to use it on himself, and wants to know if Daniele is willing to work with them. Daniele’s response is that since she doesn’t vote, she doesn’t have any power. Brendon wants her to put up a floater, but Daniele doesn’t think that will save them. Daniele couldn’t look more disinterested as Brendon babbles on, but the background music is designed to make it sound like she’s actually considering Brendon’s bullshit.

Finally, we get to the moment of truth, and Brendon is still proud of himself as he talks about how he’s going to surprise everybody by using the veto to save Rachel. “This is going to be awesome!” No, it won’t. Daniele plays along, though, saying that it makes the choice of replacement nominee that much harder. Jeff is also worried because Rachel “will do anything to stay in this house”.

The veto meeting is called, and Brendon asks Rachel why he should save her. Why we have to endure this is beyond me, as of course he announces that he’s going to use it to save Rachel. Daniele then gets up and talks about how if she wasn’t HOH she would be the one on the block…and leaving on Thursday. She adds that she doesn’t want to make any new enemies, and nominates Jordan as the replacement nominee.

As we head to the final credits, Brendon continues to be proud of himself. He thinks that he “got” her, but Daniele says she couldn’t be happier. “My number one target is remaining on the block, and if I can single-handedly get the biggest threat out of the house, kudos to me”. Jordan says she has no clue…yeah, we know…and she hopes that she really is the pawn. The final word is on how Rachel feels like a “fairy tale princess because my knight in shining armor saved me from the wicked witch in the HOH room”. Oh please.

So that’s it. Tomorrow Brendon is (probably) going home, and we’re also promised a special visit from Evel Dick. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Are you ready for that conceited ass to head out the door? Who will be the next HOH?

Thursday
Jul282011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 10 Recap

He walked into the Big Brother house a 25 year-old virgin. Homeschooled by his mother, who never met a girl good enough for her son’s precious loins, he has always been surrounded by privileged, pretty people. It’s doubtful a day went by without somebody reminding him about his charm, looks, talents, and smarts.

Just under a month later, Dominic will be leaving the Big Brother house tonight a virgin. Without a doubt, he’s probably learned a few things about people and life. I’m sure this is the first time he’s spent more than a few condescending minutes with people whose looks, body shape, and, most importantly, hair weren’t as perfect as his.

While he didn’t bust his cherry, I’m also sure his relationship with Daniele taught him valuable life lessons about dealing with women that are more worldly than him. A twinkle of the eyes may be a pleasurable thing, but it also can lead to bad things…especially when said woman messes with the feeble mind of another woman who never lets anybody get between her and her HOH.

So let’s have a good evening saying goodbye to a man-child who slowly inched his way closer to being a man. Will we see him again? Probably, as a viewer’s choice poll will probably reward him over Keith and, sadly, the beautiful Cassi.

Before we get to his expulsion, though, we must spend a few minutes creating a tiny bit of doubt as to whether he actually leaves tonight. Like always, we kick off with the reactions to Brendon’s non-use of the POV. Dom and Adam both say they’re not surprised, but still think Brendon and Rachel will honor the word. Jeff, of course, is happy, but Daniele thinks Rachel is on some “crazy pills”. Well, yeah, that’s obvious.

We move to the HOH, and Daniele comes in to complain that she’s going to be pissed if Dom goes home. Brendon asks why it’s so imperative that he stays, and Daniele says that she needs another person with her to even up the couples. Brendon says that he’s upset that he’ll turn on them, and Daniele asks if they trust Adam any more than Dom. Ok, circular argument #1 has begun, as Daniele tells Brendon that she’s pissed. She has a good point, though, as she says in the diary room that he can’t talk down to her like he does to his girlfriend.

For some reason, we now move on to Jordan talking to Kalia. Jordan says that they had heard people were secretly plotting to evict them, and Kalia denies it. Thankfully, CBS shows the conversation Kalia had with Daniele planning to do that very thing! Kalia claims that she’s done everything that the vets have asked her to do, and just to make sure who we’re talking about CBS shows a shot of Daniele as Jordan complains about people creating doubt.

Jeff and Dom are now hanging out a bit, and Jeff says that he just wants Dom to admit that he’s wrong. “You fucked up, and you’re going home.” Dom denies that he’s targeting Jeff, and they move from the kitchen to the “purple room”. Circular argument #2 commences, and Jeff doesn’t hear the words he wants to hear. “He’s just lying right to my face, and I can’t have somebody like that in the house.” Dom is now pissed that Daniele’s plotting is blowing up in his face.

Now we move to Jeff and Jordan talking, and Jordan admits that she was listening in on his conversation with Dom. Kalia is in the room, and after she leaves Jordan tells him the conversation that they had. Jeff thinks they should just gather the entire house together and “start throwing people under the bus”. Brendon has wandered in, and he also wants a house meeting. Oh, you silly kids.

Attempting some weird sort of damage control, Dom heads up to the HOH to “clarify things” with Brendon and Rachel. He says it was never his idea to backdoor Jeff. Oh, Jeff is also in the room, and he takes over the conversation again. Dom was originally not the target, but it was Daniele’s plotting that screwed him. Dom’s only excuse is that he didn’t create the idea, and Jeff’s big bitch is that Dom didn’t report it to him. “You’re an accessory to backdooring me.” Circular argument #3 is in full force. Oh wait, Rachel pipes up and says she does want to save him because she hates floaters, and “Adam is the ultimate floater”. To create a little doubt, Jeff ends the chat by saying that it’s “not over until you leave the house”.

Once commercials (finally) cease, it’s time for the idiotic house meeting. Oh Lord, I wish Matt Hoffman was in the house tonight. Kalia heads outside to talk to Brendon because they haven’t talked much since she made her deal with the vets. She complains that she doesn’t feel like she’s in the loop anymore. Brendon says that all he hears is “lies, lies, lies”. He tells her that he feels that she’s playing both sides, and he has to be right because he’s a “rocket science”. He also throws out his worst insult of all – floater – and basically blows her off. She finally gets up and he calls out to her to start doing her own dishes.

Kalia wanders into the house, but says she should keep the door open so he can hear what she is obviously running to tell everybody. She slams the door shut and starts babbling about how she is apparently the “biggest floater in the house”. Hmm, I’ll stay away from that line. She continues on into the bedroom, and the rest of the outside crew scramble inside.

Somehow, clicking the lid of her jug is how Kalia shows her tough side, as she adds in the diary room that she will “not roll over for anybody”. Jordan decides it’s time to bring everybody into the kitchen for a discussion, including the cup clicker. Let’s start circular argument #4. Brendon complains that she “scurries around telling everything to her boss”. Kalia’s response is that she knew nothing would come of the backdoor plot. Daniele is sitting there, but her name is never mentioned as they all bitch about a mythical other person who created Kalia and Dom’s problems.

Kalia says that the person in question is her “friend”, and Rachel pipes in about how said friend would sell her out in a heartbeat. Finally, Daniele responds, and calls Rachel an “idiot”. Uh oh, this sets off Brendon, who says that nobody can call his fiancé names and that her friends are taking the fall for her idea. Jeff wants to know why he’s the target, and Daniele says it’s nothing personal. He’s just a tough player. Rachel finally just shakes her head and says, “Daniele, you’re ridiculous”. Daniele promises that she’s going to win HOH, and boot one of these fools. For some reason, Lawon makes his nightly cameo and says he’s also playing to win. Really, Lawon?

Once the false doubt is created, it’s time for Julie Chen’s insipid questions to the house. She starts with Kalia and her drama in the house meeting. She wants to know where things stand now, and Kalia babbles some bullshit that at the end of the day you don’t have to like “everybody in the world”. Brendon is asked for his reaction, and he tries to crack a joke that he indeed does like everybody in the world. Good one, rocket scientist boy. He adds that it is an intense game, and at times they all say something they don’t really mean. Carrying on, Jeff is also asked, who says there are “definitely some lines drawn in the sand”. He puts on a holier than thou act as he says he doesn’t play “that” kind of game. He is asked about the house meeting, and it is more nonsense.

Julie points out that Daniele probably doesn’t agree with Jeff, and is she surprised there is this much tension already? Ugh, what a stupid question. Daniele giggles and says “absolutely not”. She says she came to play a game, and not be a part of a dictatorship.

Final plea time, and Adam is up first. He thanks his family and friends, and says the general bullshit line about meeting strangers and liking them all. Dom then stands and he also claims to like everybody, but “I think some of you guys are spineless jellyfish that really are riding on people’s backs, and you don’t have a chance of winning if you play like that. I think you guys need to man up, get some guts, and fight for you and not anybody else.” He adds that he thinks they all collectively “suck at the game, and that if he had a player that had a spine to play with me, except for the last week, I think we’d have a game being played”. Wow, Adam gives him an interesting look after that comment.

Voting starts with Jeff, who obviously votes to evict Dom, and calls his speech “terrible”. Jordan is next, and also votes to evict Dom, as does Kalia. Daniele votes to evict Adam, as she’s “not afraid to go against the King and the Queen”. After a commercial break, Brendon votes to evict Dom, as does Shelly, Lawon, and Porsche. Dominic is evicted 7 – 1.

It’s all hugs and kisses, however, as Dom leaves the house. Julie begins the interview by asking about the speech, and he says that it was directed at all the noobs. He says he “wanted to light a fire” to help Daniele. Of course, Julie has to ask about his feelings for Daniele, and he says that she was “the only one who wanted to fight with me”, and that they had a real bond. Julie then asks about throwing the veto, and why he trusted anybody in the house. He claims that his only chance was to work with the veterans, but he denies that he overplayed…except in the beginning. He also claims that he targeted Jeff because Jordan would never target him, while if Brendon or Rachel were booted the other would come after him full force.

Interview concluded means it’s time for final goodbyes. Shelly starts off by saying she feels bad for him, but that he’ll learn soon that when it comes to women “you can live with them and you can’t live without him”. Daniele says she came into the house this time with the plan to “play like a robot without any emotion.” She’s “really, really sad” to see him go. Lawon says they’re “boys for life”, and he will never get rid of him. Why oh why does Lawon only come to life for diary room bullshit? Jeff and Jordan are next, and of course it’s all about targeting him. Only this time, it’s Jordan’s turn to copy Rachel’s “nobody comes between me and my man”. Cat ladies all across the country are now in tears.

Uh oh, instead of going to a commercial, Julie gathers everybody back into the living room. Twist time! She congratulates the final ten, and that the duo twist is over. But…duh duh duh! “The summer and the twists are far from done.” Wait, that’s it? Ugh, CBS!

So it’s time to start the HOH competition, and it is indeed an endurance competition. Everybody is hanging on a wall for a contest called “Big Brother Slalom”, and they have to stay up on their “skis” for as long as possible. Uh oh, Brendon, this is a contest designed for people with small feet! The first five to drop has to grab a giant snowball that has something good or bad inside, and one of them is a $10,000 prize!

The game starts, and the “skis” begin rotating back and forth. After a couple of minutes, Julie jumps in to announce that the mountain “looks a little steep”, and it appears to move a bit. And I mean a bit. As we head to the final commercial break, we hear a voice we’re bound to hear all night- “you got this, guys”. I forgot how annoying Rachel is during these types of competitions.

We come back for the final segment, and Julie announces that next Thursday the viewers can be a part of the next “game-changing twist”. Yes, we know that means we’re going to vote on a returning player. Julie then returns to the game, and the snow machines are turned on.

So that’s it. What did you think of tonight’s show? How was the editing this time? Was evicting Dom the right move?

Wednesday
Jul272011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 9 Recap

Once again, there will be no lengthy opening to this episode. We know what we’re getting tonight, and it’s almost 100% silliness. There will be a veto competition and meeting, and lots of Rachel. Oh yeah, and lots of another woman that doesn’t want anybody to get between her and her…um, little boy. The only real suspense of the evening is whether we see Kalia, Porsche, or Lawon at any point during the show.

Let’s begin with Rachel’s nominations of Adam and Dominic, but they both think they’re pawns. Jeff points out that Rachel tends told a grudge, so it’s always hard to predict what she’s going to do. He’s just happy it wasn’t him and Jordan this week. Daniele is clearly bummed, but she still has hope to “make Rachel make a big move in this game”.

Adam and Dom head into the have-not room, and Dom says that it’s clear that Brenchel are threatened by them. Adam takes that to mean because of his mental abilities and Dom’s athleticism. Um, yeah. No comment. Adam also hopes that in the veto they’ll be playing against Kalia and Lawon instead of Jeff and Jordan again. In the diary room, Dom says he’s just feeling Adam out a bit because they’ve barely talked.

Oooh, Rachel is outside the door listening in, and she finally walks in. Adam gets all nervous and whines “we…we…we…we’re all just going through scenarios”. Rachel talks him down a bit by saying that this is a week where “it’s a veto week”. She says that she’s open to making deals, although she says in the diary room that she doesn’t think she can trust them. The decision is to wait until after the veto competition. Dom is pissed because he thinks they already have a deal.

Now we get to see Dom and Daniele flirt. Gag me, please. Dom asks if she has a plan for setting up Jeff and Jordan, and we get a few of Daniele’s patented “blah blah blahs”. Dom is willing to allow any “magic” Daniele can create. I’m sure the virgin boy is up for anything.

Rachel plays right into Daniele’s plan by complaining to her that Jordan never talks to her. Daniele says if they put up Jeff and Jordan everybody would be on their side next week. Daniele thinks her plan is a go.

Ugh, now we get to see Rachel and Brendon take a bubble bath together. Please God, turn this off now! Brendon asks what Rachel is thinking right now, but admits that he doesn’t think the luxury prize was truly a game play snub. “I think it says a lot about their view of us. Obviously, we’re not that important.” This goes on a bit, designed to let us think that it really is possible that they’ll put up Jeff and Jordan.

Another scene, another few minutes of Rachel air time. She’s lying in bed with Porsche, and Dom comes into the HOH. He asks Porsche to leave, and tells Rachel he is 100% behind them. Brendon walks in, and the same conversation continues. Dom asks if he should throw the veto comp, and Brendon says he should. “I’d rather get out somebody who I know I don’t trust.”

After a commercial break, it’s more cutesy shit with Daniele and Dom. She walks into the have-not room, and even Adam says that it’s like watching 10 year-olds flirt. The two head outside to work out, and the sickening flirtations begin. Unconvincingly, Daniele says in the diary room that it’s a “love/hate relationship. He loves me and I hate him.” Really? In the background, a lightbulb alerts Jeff that maybe the two do have something going on.

It’s now time to pick players for the veto competition. Surprise, surprise, the extra couple playing is once again Jeff and Jordan! Nice work, CBS! Daniele is pissed!

Time for more cutesy shit, but this time it is Jeff and Jordan. After some banter, Jeff says he wants to get rid of Daniele “sooner rather than later”. Jordan wonders if Daniele will come with them if Dom is booted.

Meanwhile, Daniele continues to work her perfected brand of negativity on Brendon and Rachel. She asks if everything is set up with Dom, and Rachel says he’s agreed to throw the veto. “WHY??? I think you guys need him to win!” Brendon says that he wants to win the POV so he can “choose who goes home this week”. Suddenly, Rachel wonders if backdooring Jeff is better for their game or Daniele’s game. They both think she’s pushing this idea too hard.

Jeff and Jordan then walk into the room, and Brendon asks about their feelings about her. Jeff says she’s “in the best position in the house”. She’s “just playing the middle road” the whole game so far, even though she’s bitching the whole time. Rachel is still confused…as always.

Finally, we get to the veto competition, and it involves tiny rubber duckys and a giant, hairy lady in a bathtub. Ok, there’s the Lawon cameo for this episode. It’s again an individual competition, and everybody must pull “hairs” that have letters printed on the “root” out of the lady. In case you forgot about Jeff’s problem with “technotronics”, we get a replay from his season. The winner is the person who spells the longest word.

Before it begins, we have to hear from everybody how they have to win, and after it starts we get tonight’s Kalia cameo as she again complains about hair. Jordan perfectly plays her trademark dumb blonde role in her commentary…well, they all say stupid shit as the game goes on.

The game finally ends, and we get to see the words. Jordan spelled “little”, although she says she wanted to spell farting. Dom spelled “standings”, which puts him in the lead. Brendon is pissed that he spelled a long word. Rachel attempted to spell “moisturizing”, but screws it up. Adam’s word is “fractions”, so he’s now tied with Dominic (but is in the lead because he hit the buzzer before him). Jeff correctly spelled “expresses”, so he’s now in the lead for beating Adam to the buzzer. It’s now up to Brendon, and his word is “understanding”. Yes, Brendon has won the POV.  

Dom thinks that Brendon’s victory means that he is safe, while Adam is “really nervous”. Brendon says he couldn’t be happier, because a lot of people are “trying to get in our heads right now”. Rachel and Brendon are now in control over who leaves the house this week.

Oh boy, Daniele is now really pissed. She’s laying out with Rachel, who asks about putting up Lawon and Kalia instead of Jeff and Jordan. She tells Rachel that they have Dom “in your picket”, and it’s stupid to not put out a big target when they have a chance.

Wait, Shelly is actually in the house…talking nonsense with Dom. He asks her what his chances are if Brendon doesn’t use the veto, and says he know that he has Daniele’s vote “because Dani wants to play with me down the road”. Uh oh, that wasn’t too smart. He says that they can “cut one of these pairs”. Shelly plays with him a bit, and says that both of the men need to go at some point. Shelly says in the diary room that “if he’s going after Jeff and Jordan that’s not good for me”.

The next day, Shelly tells all to Jordan. “He thinks if he gets rid of Jeff, you won’t come after him because you’re so sweet.” Jordan says that she thinks this all comes from Daniele, and Jordan says they need to talk to Rachel.

They wake up Rachel, and Brendon also wanders in. Jordan asks if they’re going to use the veto, and after Brendon demurs a bit she gives Shelly the floor to tell the entire story…or at least her version of it. Rachel is pissed that Dom “has the audacity to try to form a second alliance to try to come after the veterans again”. Imagine that line in a complete whine. Terrible, right? Shelly leaves the room, and Jordan says that keeping Dom would make them all stronger. Brendon’s plan is to not let Daniele know that they’re on to her.

It’s now Jeff’s turn to hear what’s going on with Dom and Daniele, and Brendon tells him the entire story about putting up Jeff and Jordan. No need to repeat what else is mentioned, as it becomes another of their trademark circular conversations.

Thankfully, it’s time for the veto meeting. Despite five minutes of babbling, all that you need to know is that Brendon did not use the veto.

Let me know what you think of all of this silliness. How was the editing this time? Are you excited for the couples twist to end? 

Sunday
Jul242011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 8 Recap

There will be no big introductory paragraphs for this episode. We all know what we’re getting tonight – Rachel, Rachel, and a bit more Rachel. Oh yeah, and a has-been-but-never-was-in-my-eyes promoting a terrible show that will probably not last the summer. Sound exciting?

So here we go with the reactions to Cassi’s unanimous eviction. Shelly says its “bittersweet” because it was all caused by her earlier vote against Keith. Jordan again babbles about how it was too “early in the game…to make everybody mad”. Rachel goes off on one of usual catty speeches while bitching about Cassi complaining she’s catty. Get it?

Now we see Shelly thanking everybody for keeping her, but Lawon says “Big Brother has turned into a cathouse. Cassi leaving was just catty. It was personal. Rachel didn’t want Cassi to outshine Rachel’s Big Brother show.” That may be the smartest, yet most obvious, thing he’s said all season. Shelly is given her key, and, of course, she’s excited about this “lifeline”, while Dom complains about how the lack of success of The Regulators.

And the nightmare now begins, as we see Rachel winning HOH. “I am so excited! I am on fire!” Ugh, die bitch. “I gotta brush off my shoulders as I have never lost a HOH!” Brendon calls Rachel “The Quiz Girl”; the “brains behind our operation. I’m the athletic side, but anything that involves thinking quickly on your feet, Rachel can handle”. Oh Lord. There’s so much wrong in that statement.

Everybody congratulates Rachel, but Adam complains in the diary room about the vets winning everything. Well, do something about it! “Unfortunately, Rachel won again, so it’s time once again to kiss Rachel’s butt.” You better have a doctor check your lips when you’re done performing that task, Adam. Lawon knows that it’s either going to be him and his partner, or Adam and Dom that goes up. “I’m going to fight like a dog up in here!” Really?

Brenda and Rachel continue the celebration with Jordan and Jeff. Jordan says that she was happy Rachel won, as she didn’t want any of the noobs to get it. Dom then basically repeats what Lawon said a couple of minutes earlier, but “I feel like the little social work I’ve done in the past two weeks may pay off.”

At the same time, Brendon tells Jeff that he thinks the nominees should be Adam and Dom. Jeff, though, thinks that as payback for last week that he and Jordan should have some say in this week’s decision. Shelly is seen talking with Adam, complaining that the noobs must start actually winning. Adam believes that this week the noms should be Kalia and Lawon “because they haven’t done anything”. Well, of course he does. Adam adds in the diary room that he needs to work with Brendon and Rachel to ensure they know he’s with them.

Time for pure fluff. Rachel comes out of the diary room with her HOH key, but everybody’s hiding. They suddenly jump up and toss pillows at her. Oh, how wacky they are. You know the rest of this story – we get to see pics of her family and other garbage. She reads her letter from her sister, and I struggle to keep my eyes open.

Adam now visits Rachel and Brendon in the HOH, and he tells them he “wants to be around for awhile”. Brendon babbles about how he doesn’t want two floaters to make it to the end, and Adam complains how Kalia and Lawon have done nothing so far. In the diary room, though, Rachel says he had his chance, and knows that if Adam was the HOH they’d probably be up as nominees.

It’s now Lawon’s turn, and he does exactly what CBS wants in his diary room babbling, proclaiming that “I’m going to creep on upstairs and spit my ol’ game”. He tells them that he knows he needs their help, and Rachel responds by asking how he plans on playing the game. Suddenly, he’s more animated than he’s been all season, claiming he’ll do whatever is needed. Rachel looks as bored as me. “I’d rather be napping right now than listen to somebody talk in circles.” Wait a second. I agree with Rachel???

Time for more fluff, as it’s time to make fun of Dom’s snoring. Jeff is especially pissed, as he says he’s a light sleeper. Thankfully, it’s a short segment, as Rachel jumps out of the diary room to announce a luxury competition. Adam is especially happy, as it means nobody is on slop this week.

They all head outside, and for some reason the set makes Adam think that Tori Spelling will be visiting. WTF? Enough with this bullshit! Instead, some short chubby guy walks out, and Daniele turns to Shelly and asks who that is. “Awkward.” The guy announces that he’s from the show “Same Name”, and shares the same name as another celebrity. The comp will involve clues to his identity, and the first to announce his name will win. To make sure you understand, Jeff repeats the rules.

The game begins, and on the first clue somehow Jordan takes soap and sunglasses clues to figure out its David Hasselhoff. The game goes on, and Rachel somehow believes it is Michael Bolton. Brendon guesses that it’s Michael C. Hall. Brendon is then pissed that Rachel is helping Porsche, who somehow guesses that it is Michael Jackson. Some help. He’s dead, you bozo. Adam guesses Ricky Martin, and Lawon says it has to be Barbara Streisand. After the next clue, a knight in armor, Rachel guesses Kira Knightley, while Porsche says it’s Brian McKnight. Ok, this is going on too long.

Ending this idiotic segment, they all head outside to find Hasselhoff in his Knight Rider vehicle. Nice job in everybody acting like this is a fantastic meet and greet. After a tour of the house, Hasselhoff announces that Jordan has won, and her and three guests get to watch his awful new show. Jordan quickly picks Jeff, Shelly, and Kalia. Rachel is clearly pissed. “You’re not picking me to go to the screening and I’m the HOH. What is going on in your head, girl?”

OMG, this continues after the commercials, as they all head upstairs to eat sushi and watch this dumb show with the Hoff. Meanwhile, Rachel and Brendon have another fight. Brendon says that he’s so sick of fighting that he wants to leave. “Good, leave”, replies Rachel. Wash, rinse, recycle.

Hasselhoff finally leaves, and reads the CBS script perfectly as he talks about the sweetness of Jordan. Shelly informs Jordan that Rachel is pissed, and Jordan says in the diary room that she didn’t pick Rachel because she didn’t want to look like she’s kissing her ass. Meanwhile, the fighting continues, and Brendon says they should just put up Jeff and Jordan to make America hate them. Seriously, CBS, you’re showing THIS MUCH of their 300th fight? Plus, this much of the clips from Same Name??? Awful.

Ok, their fight continues into a third segment, as Dom comes in to offer his services to the “game’s strongest competitors”. His theory is that as long as he’s aligned with them, there will always be bigger targets than him. I guess that’s not a bad plan, and Brendon thinks that he’s a bigger target than Jeff because Jeff “hasn’t won shit”. Brendon’s idea is for him and Daniele to work with the two of them. Rachel claims that Jeff saying Dom is coming after them is their “first strike”, and not letting her be a part of the luxury prize is their “second strike”. Oh, you silly twit. “They didn’t even take me, and I’m the HOH!” Ugh! Dom says he’s in this 100% until the end, but Rachel isn’t sure she can trust him.

Dom goes off and reports his conversation with a sleeping Daniele, who says “everybody in this house is stupid”. She asks Dom if he would ever nominate Jeff and Jordan, and he says he’d rather backdoor them. Since nobody will put them up, they have to get Brendon and Rachel to do their work.

Daniele then heads up to talk to Brendon and Rachel, saying that the best plan for her is to break up the two couples. She immediately jumps in on how stupid Jordan was not including them in the prize, and that completely pushes Rachel’s button. Daniele says she’s worried that they wouldn’t have the guts to put them up, and that somebody has to be the first to break. “Jeff’s gotta go”, says Daniele. Brendon, though, says they have to think this through as doing this too early may be a big mistake.

Jeff then comes into the HOH and asks if they’re mad about the luxury prize. “Noooooo, why would we care”, replies Rachel. Brendon says that Jeff was definitely doing damage control, and Rachel adds that it’s obvious that people are trying to create a rift between the two couples. “We’re not going after you two guys ever. If we wanted to, it would have been last week…it’s not even in our mind.” Brendon and Rachel claim they are thinking the same thoughts, and Jeff admits in the diary room that dealing with Rachel means walking on egg shells. Jeff finally leaves, and Rachel says she’s confused but “would have no problem stirring up the game a little bit”.

It’s not nomination time, and everybody again ably reads their scripts. Jeff and Jordan’s keys are pulled first, and then Kalia and Lawon. Adam and Dom are once again nominated. Rachel gives the “purely strategic” speech, and they all babble the usual nonsense.

That’s all folks! What did you think of the episode? Did you tire of the Hoff segments? Or the Brenchel fighting? Was there anything entertaining about this episode?