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Thursday
Jul282011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 10 Recap

He walked into the Big Brother house a 25 year-old virgin. Homeschooled by his mother, who never met a girl good enough for her son’s precious loins, he has always been surrounded by privileged, pretty people. It’s doubtful a day went by without somebody reminding him about his charm, looks, talents, and smarts.

Just under a month later, Dominic will be leaving the Big Brother house tonight a virgin. Without a doubt, he’s probably learned a few things about people and life. I’m sure this is the first time he’s spent more than a few condescending minutes with people whose looks, body shape, and, most importantly, hair weren’t as perfect as his.

While he didn’t bust his cherry, I’m also sure his relationship with Daniele taught him valuable life lessons about dealing with women that are more worldly than him. A twinkle of the eyes may be a pleasurable thing, but it also can lead to bad things…especially when said woman messes with the feeble mind of another woman who never lets anybody get between her and her HOH.

So let’s have a good evening saying goodbye to a man-child who slowly inched his way closer to being a man. Will we see him again? Probably, as a viewer’s choice poll will probably reward him over Keith and, sadly, the beautiful Cassi.

Before we get to his expulsion, though, we must spend a few minutes creating a tiny bit of doubt as to whether he actually leaves tonight. Like always, we kick off with the reactions to Brendon’s non-use of the POV. Dom and Adam both say they’re not surprised, but still think Brendon and Rachel will honor the word. Jeff, of course, is happy, but Daniele thinks Rachel is on some “crazy pills”. Well, yeah, that’s obvious.

We move to the HOH, and Daniele comes in to complain that she’s going to be pissed if Dom goes home. Brendon asks why it’s so imperative that he stays, and Daniele says that she needs another person with her to even up the couples. Brendon says that he’s upset that he’ll turn on them, and Daniele asks if they trust Adam any more than Dom. Ok, circular argument #1 has begun, as Daniele tells Brendon that she’s pissed. She has a good point, though, as she says in the diary room that he can’t talk down to her like he does to his girlfriend.

For some reason, we now move on to Jordan talking to Kalia. Jordan says that they had heard people were secretly plotting to evict them, and Kalia denies it. Thankfully, CBS shows the conversation Kalia had with Daniele planning to do that very thing! Kalia claims that she’s done everything that the vets have asked her to do, and just to make sure who we’re talking about CBS shows a shot of Daniele as Jordan complains about people creating doubt.

Jeff and Dom are now hanging out a bit, and Jeff says that he just wants Dom to admit that he’s wrong. “You fucked up, and you’re going home.” Dom denies that he’s targeting Jeff, and they move from the kitchen to the “purple room”. Circular argument #2 commences, and Jeff doesn’t hear the words he wants to hear. “He’s just lying right to my face, and I can’t have somebody like that in the house.” Dom is now pissed that Daniele’s plotting is blowing up in his face.

Now we move to Jeff and Jordan talking, and Jordan admits that she was listening in on his conversation with Dom. Kalia is in the room, and after she leaves Jordan tells him the conversation that they had. Jeff thinks they should just gather the entire house together and “start throwing people under the bus”. Brendon has wandered in, and he also wants a house meeting. Oh, you silly kids.

Attempting some weird sort of damage control, Dom heads up to the HOH to “clarify things” with Brendon and Rachel. He says it was never his idea to backdoor Jeff. Oh, Jeff is also in the room, and he takes over the conversation again. Dom was originally not the target, but it was Daniele’s plotting that screwed him. Dom’s only excuse is that he didn’t create the idea, and Jeff’s big bitch is that Dom didn’t report it to him. “You’re an accessory to backdooring me.” Circular argument #3 is in full force. Oh wait, Rachel pipes up and says she does want to save him because she hates floaters, and “Adam is the ultimate floater”. To create a little doubt, Jeff ends the chat by saying that it’s “not over until you leave the house”.

Once commercials (finally) cease, it’s time for the idiotic house meeting. Oh Lord, I wish Matt Hoffman was in the house tonight. Kalia heads outside to talk to Brendon because they haven’t talked much since she made her deal with the vets. She complains that she doesn’t feel like she’s in the loop anymore. Brendon says that all he hears is “lies, lies, lies”. He tells her that he feels that she’s playing both sides, and he has to be right because he’s a “rocket science”. He also throws out his worst insult of all – floater – and basically blows her off. She finally gets up and he calls out to her to start doing her own dishes.

Kalia wanders into the house, but says she should keep the door open so he can hear what she is obviously running to tell everybody. She slams the door shut and starts babbling about how she is apparently the “biggest floater in the house”. Hmm, I’ll stay away from that line. She continues on into the bedroom, and the rest of the outside crew scramble inside.

Somehow, clicking the lid of her jug is how Kalia shows her tough side, as she adds in the diary room that she will “not roll over for anybody”. Jordan decides it’s time to bring everybody into the kitchen for a discussion, including the cup clicker. Let’s start circular argument #4. Brendon complains that she “scurries around telling everything to her boss”. Kalia’s response is that she knew nothing would come of the backdoor plot. Daniele is sitting there, but her name is never mentioned as they all bitch about a mythical other person who created Kalia and Dom’s problems.

Kalia says that the person in question is her “friend”, and Rachel pipes in about how said friend would sell her out in a heartbeat. Finally, Daniele responds, and calls Rachel an “idiot”. Uh oh, this sets off Brendon, who says that nobody can call his fiancé names and that her friends are taking the fall for her idea. Jeff wants to know why he’s the target, and Daniele says it’s nothing personal. He’s just a tough player. Rachel finally just shakes her head and says, “Daniele, you’re ridiculous”. Daniele promises that she’s going to win HOH, and boot one of these fools. For some reason, Lawon makes his nightly cameo and says he’s also playing to win. Really, Lawon?

Once the false doubt is created, it’s time for Julie Chen’s insipid questions to the house. She starts with Kalia and her drama in the house meeting. She wants to know where things stand now, and Kalia babbles some bullshit that at the end of the day you don’t have to like “everybody in the world”. Brendon is asked for his reaction, and he tries to crack a joke that he indeed does like everybody in the world. Good one, rocket scientist boy. He adds that it is an intense game, and at times they all say something they don’t really mean. Carrying on, Jeff is also asked, who says there are “definitely some lines drawn in the sand”. He puts on a holier than thou act as he says he doesn’t play “that” kind of game. He is asked about the house meeting, and it is more nonsense.

Julie points out that Daniele probably doesn’t agree with Jeff, and is she surprised there is this much tension already? Ugh, what a stupid question. Daniele giggles and says “absolutely not”. She says she came to play a game, and not be a part of a dictatorship.

Final plea time, and Adam is up first. He thanks his family and friends, and says the general bullshit line about meeting strangers and liking them all. Dom then stands and he also claims to like everybody, but “I think some of you guys are spineless jellyfish that really are riding on people’s backs, and you don’t have a chance of winning if you play like that. I think you guys need to man up, get some guts, and fight for you and not anybody else.” He adds that he thinks they all collectively “suck at the game, and that if he had a player that had a spine to play with me, except for the last week, I think we’d have a game being played”. Wow, Adam gives him an interesting look after that comment.

Voting starts with Jeff, who obviously votes to evict Dom, and calls his speech “terrible”. Jordan is next, and also votes to evict Dom, as does Kalia. Daniele votes to evict Adam, as she’s “not afraid to go against the King and the Queen”. After a commercial break, Brendon votes to evict Dom, as does Shelly, Lawon, and Porsche. Dominic is evicted 7 – 1.

It’s all hugs and kisses, however, as Dom leaves the house. Julie begins the interview by asking about the speech, and he says that it was directed at all the noobs. He says he “wanted to light a fire” to help Daniele. Of course, Julie has to ask about his feelings for Daniele, and he says that she was “the only one who wanted to fight with me”, and that they had a real bond. Julie then asks about throwing the veto, and why he trusted anybody in the house. He claims that his only chance was to work with the veterans, but he denies that he overplayed…except in the beginning. He also claims that he targeted Jeff because Jordan would never target him, while if Brendon or Rachel were booted the other would come after him full force.

Interview concluded means it’s time for final goodbyes. Shelly starts off by saying she feels bad for him, but that he’ll learn soon that when it comes to women “you can live with them and you can’t live without him”. Daniele says she came into the house this time with the plan to “play like a robot without any emotion.” She’s “really, really sad” to see him go. Lawon says they’re “boys for life”, and he will never get rid of him. Why oh why does Lawon only come to life for diary room bullshit? Jeff and Jordan are next, and of course it’s all about targeting him. Only this time, it’s Jordan’s turn to copy Rachel’s “nobody comes between me and my man”. Cat ladies all across the country are now in tears.

Uh oh, instead of going to a commercial, Julie gathers everybody back into the living room. Twist time! She congratulates the final ten, and that the duo twist is over. But…duh duh duh! “The summer and the twists are far from done.” Wait, that’s it? Ugh, CBS!

So it’s time to start the HOH competition, and it is indeed an endurance competition. Everybody is hanging on a wall for a contest called “Big Brother Slalom”, and they have to stay up on their “skis” for as long as possible. Uh oh, Brendon, this is a contest designed for people with small feet! The first five to drop has to grab a giant snowball that has something good or bad inside, and one of them is a $10,000 prize!

The game starts, and the “skis” begin rotating back and forth. After a couple of minutes, Julie jumps in to announce that the mountain “looks a little steep”, and it appears to move a bit. And I mean a bit. As we head to the final commercial break, we hear a voice we’re bound to hear all night- “you got this, guys”. I forgot how annoying Rachel is during these types of competitions.

We come back for the final segment, and Julie announces that next Thursday the viewers can be a part of the next “game-changing twist”. Yes, we know that means we’re going to vote on a returning player. Julie then returns to the game, and the snow machines are turned on.

So that’s it. What did you think of tonight’s show? How was the editing this time? Was evicting Dom the right move?

Wednesday
Jul272011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 9 Recap

Once again, there will be no lengthy opening to this episode. We know what we’re getting tonight, and it’s almost 100% silliness. There will be a veto competition and meeting, and lots of Rachel. Oh yeah, and lots of another woman that doesn’t want anybody to get between her and her…um, little boy. The only real suspense of the evening is whether we see Kalia, Porsche, or Lawon at any point during the show.

Let’s begin with Rachel’s nominations of Adam and Dominic, but they both think they’re pawns. Jeff points out that Rachel tends told a grudge, so it’s always hard to predict what she’s going to do. He’s just happy it wasn’t him and Jordan this week. Daniele is clearly bummed, but she still has hope to “make Rachel make a big move in this game”.

Adam and Dom head into the have-not room, and Dom says that it’s clear that Brenchel are threatened by them. Adam takes that to mean because of his mental abilities and Dom’s athleticism. Um, yeah. No comment. Adam also hopes that in the veto they’ll be playing against Kalia and Lawon instead of Jeff and Jordan again. In the diary room, Dom says he’s just feeling Adam out a bit because they’ve barely talked.

Oooh, Rachel is outside the door listening in, and she finally walks in. Adam gets all nervous and whines “we…we…we…we’re all just going through scenarios”. Rachel talks him down a bit by saying that this is a week where “it’s a veto week”. She says that she’s open to making deals, although she says in the diary room that she doesn’t think she can trust them. The decision is to wait until after the veto competition. Dom is pissed because he thinks they already have a deal.

Now we get to see Dom and Daniele flirt. Gag me, please. Dom asks if she has a plan for setting up Jeff and Jordan, and we get a few of Daniele’s patented “blah blah blahs”. Dom is willing to allow any “magic” Daniele can create. I’m sure the virgin boy is up for anything.

Rachel plays right into Daniele’s plan by complaining to her that Jordan never talks to her. Daniele says if they put up Jeff and Jordan everybody would be on their side next week. Daniele thinks her plan is a go.

Ugh, now we get to see Rachel and Brendon take a bubble bath together. Please God, turn this off now! Brendon asks what Rachel is thinking right now, but admits that he doesn’t think the luxury prize was truly a game play snub. “I think it says a lot about their view of us. Obviously, we’re not that important.” This goes on a bit, designed to let us think that it really is possible that they’ll put up Jeff and Jordan.

Another scene, another few minutes of Rachel air time. She’s lying in bed with Porsche, and Dom comes into the HOH. He asks Porsche to leave, and tells Rachel he is 100% behind them. Brendon walks in, and the same conversation continues. Dom asks if he should throw the veto comp, and Brendon says he should. “I’d rather get out somebody who I know I don’t trust.”

After a commercial break, it’s more cutesy shit with Daniele and Dom. She walks into the have-not room, and even Adam says that it’s like watching 10 year-olds flirt. The two head outside to work out, and the sickening flirtations begin. Unconvincingly, Daniele says in the diary room that it’s a “love/hate relationship. He loves me and I hate him.” Really? In the background, a lightbulb alerts Jeff that maybe the two do have something going on.

It’s now time to pick players for the veto competition. Surprise, surprise, the extra couple playing is once again Jeff and Jordan! Nice work, CBS! Daniele is pissed!

Time for more cutesy shit, but this time it is Jeff and Jordan. After some banter, Jeff says he wants to get rid of Daniele “sooner rather than later”. Jordan wonders if Daniele will come with them if Dom is booted.

Meanwhile, Daniele continues to work her perfected brand of negativity on Brendon and Rachel. She asks if everything is set up with Dom, and Rachel says he’s agreed to throw the veto. “WHY??? I think you guys need him to win!” Brendon says that he wants to win the POV so he can “choose who goes home this week”. Suddenly, Rachel wonders if backdooring Jeff is better for their game or Daniele’s game. They both think she’s pushing this idea too hard.

Jeff and Jordan then walk into the room, and Brendon asks about their feelings about her. Jeff says she’s “in the best position in the house”. She’s “just playing the middle road” the whole game so far, even though she’s bitching the whole time. Rachel is still confused…as always.

Finally, we get to the veto competition, and it involves tiny rubber duckys and a giant, hairy lady in a bathtub. Ok, there’s the Lawon cameo for this episode. It’s again an individual competition, and everybody must pull “hairs” that have letters printed on the “root” out of the lady. In case you forgot about Jeff’s problem with “technotronics”, we get a replay from his season. The winner is the person who spells the longest word.

Before it begins, we have to hear from everybody how they have to win, and after it starts we get tonight’s Kalia cameo as she again complains about hair. Jordan perfectly plays her trademark dumb blonde role in her commentary…well, they all say stupid shit as the game goes on.

The game finally ends, and we get to see the words. Jordan spelled “little”, although she says she wanted to spell farting. Dom spelled “standings”, which puts him in the lead. Brendon is pissed that he spelled a long word. Rachel attempted to spell “moisturizing”, but screws it up. Adam’s word is “fractions”, so he’s now tied with Dominic (but is in the lead because he hit the buzzer before him). Jeff correctly spelled “expresses”, so he’s now in the lead for beating Adam to the buzzer. It’s now up to Brendon, and his word is “understanding”. Yes, Brendon has won the POV.  

Dom thinks that Brendon’s victory means that he is safe, while Adam is “really nervous”. Brendon says he couldn’t be happier, because a lot of people are “trying to get in our heads right now”. Rachel and Brendon are now in control over who leaves the house this week.

Oh boy, Daniele is now really pissed. She’s laying out with Rachel, who asks about putting up Lawon and Kalia instead of Jeff and Jordan. She tells Rachel that they have Dom “in your picket”, and it’s stupid to not put out a big target when they have a chance.

Wait, Shelly is actually in the house…talking nonsense with Dom. He asks her what his chances are if Brendon doesn’t use the veto, and says he know that he has Daniele’s vote “because Dani wants to play with me down the road”. Uh oh, that wasn’t too smart. He says that they can “cut one of these pairs”. Shelly plays with him a bit, and says that both of the men need to go at some point. Shelly says in the diary room that “if he’s going after Jeff and Jordan that’s not good for me”.

The next day, Shelly tells all to Jordan. “He thinks if he gets rid of Jeff, you won’t come after him because you’re so sweet.” Jordan says that she thinks this all comes from Daniele, and Jordan says they need to talk to Rachel.

They wake up Rachel, and Brendon also wanders in. Jordan asks if they’re going to use the veto, and after Brendon demurs a bit she gives Shelly the floor to tell the entire story…or at least her version of it. Rachel is pissed that Dom “has the audacity to try to form a second alliance to try to come after the veterans again”. Imagine that line in a complete whine. Terrible, right? Shelly leaves the room, and Jordan says that keeping Dom would make them all stronger. Brendon’s plan is to not let Daniele know that they’re on to her.

It’s now Jeff’s turn to hear what’s going on with Dom and Daniele, and Brendon tells him the entire story about putting up Jeff and Jordan. No need to repeat what else is mentioned, as it becomes another of their trademark circular conversations.

Thankfully, it’s time for the veto meeting. Despite five minutes of babbling, all that you need to know is that Brendon did not use the veto.

Let me know what you think of all of this silliness. How was the editing this time? Are you excited for the couples twist to end? 

Sunday
Jul242011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 8 Recap

There will be no big introductory paragraphs for this episode. We all know what we’re getting tonight – Rachel, Rachel, and a bit more Rachel. Oh yeah, and a has-been-but-never-was-in-my-eyes promoting a terrible show that will probably not last the summer. Sound exciting?

So here we go with the reactions to Cassi’s unanimous eviction. Shelly says its “bittersweet” because it was all caused by her earlier vote against Keith. Jordan again babbles about how it was too “early in the game…to make everybody mad”. Rachel goes off on one of usual catty speeches while bitching about Cassi complaining she’s catty. Get it?

Now we see Shelly thanking everybody for keeping her, but Lawon says “Big Brother has turned into a cathouse. Cassi leaving was just catty. It was personal. Rachel didn’t want Cassi to outshine Rachel’s Big Brother show.” That may be the smartest, yet most obvious, thing he’s said all season. Shelly is given her key, and, of course, she’s excited about this “lifeline”, while Dom complains about how the lack of success of The Regulators.

And the nightmare now begins, as we see Rachel winning HOH. “I am so excited! I am on fire!” Ugh, die bitch. “I gotta brush off my shoulders as I have never lost a HOH!” Brendon calls Rachel “The Quiz Girl”; the “brains behind our operation. I’m the athletic side, but anything that involves thinking quickly on your feet, Rachel can handle”. Oh Lord. There’s so much wrong in that statement.

Everybody congratulates Rachel, but Adam complains in the diary room about the vets winning everything. Well, do something about it! “Unfortunately, Rachel won again, so it’s time once again to kiss Rachel’s butt.” You better have a doctor check your lips when you’re done performing that task, Adam. Lawon knows that it’s either going to be him and his partner, or Adam and Dom that goes up. “I’m going to fight like a dog up in here!” Really?

Brenda and Rachel continue the celebration with Jordan and Jeff. Jordan says that she was happy Rachel won, as she didn’t want any of the noobs to get it. Dom then basically repeats what Lawon said a couple of minutes earlier, but “I feel like the little social work I’ve done in the past two weeks may pay off.”

At the same time, Brendon tells Jeff that he thinks the nominees should be Adam and Dom. Jeff, though, thinks that as payback for last week that he and Jordan should have some say in this week’s decision. Shelly is seen talking with Adam, complaining that the noobs must start actually winning. Adam believes that this week the noms should be Kalia and Lawon “because they haven’t done anything”. Well, of course he does. Adam adds in the diary room that he needs to work with Brendon and Rachel to ensure they know he’s with them.

Time for pure fluff. Rachel comes out of the diary room with her HOH key, but everybody’s hiding. They suddenly jump up and toss pillows at her. Oh, how wacky they are. You know the rest of this story – we get to see pics of her family and other garbage. She reads her letter from her sister, and I struggle to keep my eyes open.

Adam now visits Rachel and Brendon in the HOH, and he tells them he “wants to be around for awhile”. Brendon babbles about how he doesn’t want two floaters to make it to the end, and Adam complains how Kalia and Lawon have done nothing so far. In the diary room, though, Rachel says he had his chance, and knows that if Adam was the HOH they’d probably be up as nominees.

It’s now Lawon’s turn, and he does exactly what CBS wants in his diary room babbling, proclaiming that “I’m going to creep on upstairs and spit my ol’ game”. He tells them that he knows he needs their help, and Rachel responds by asking how he plans on playing the game. Suddenly, he’s more animated than he’s been all season, claiming he’ll do whatever is needed. Rachel looks as bored as me. “I’d rather be napping right now than listen to somebody talk in circles.” Wait a second. I agree with Rachel???

Time for more fluff, as it’s time to make fun of Dom’s snoring. Jeff is especially pissed, as he says he’s a light sleeper. Thankfully, it’s a short segment, as Rachel jumps out of the diary room to announce a luxury competition. Adam is especially happy, as it means nobody is on slop this week.

They all head outside, and for some reason the set makes Adam think that Tori Spelling will be visiting. WTF? Enough with this bullshit! Instead, some short chubby guy walks out, and Daniele turns to Shelly and asks who that is. “Awkward.” The guy announces that he’s from the show “Same Name”, and shares the same name as another celebrity. The comp will involve clues to his identity, and the first to announce his name will win. To make sure you understand, Jeff repeats the rules.

The game begins, and on the first clue somehow Jordan takes soap and sunglasses clues to figure out its David Hasselhoff. The game goes on, and Rachel somehow believes it is Michael Bolton. Brendon guesses that it’s Michael C. Hall. Brendon is then pissed that Rachel is helping Porsche, who somehow guesses that it is Michael Jackson. Some help. He’s dead, you bozo. Adam guesses Ricky Martin, and Lawon says it has to be Barbara Streisand. After the next clue, a knight in armor, Rachel guesses Kira Knightley, while Porsche says it’s Brian McKnight. Ok, this is going on too long.

Ending this idiotic segment, they all head outside to find Hasselhoff in his Knight Rider vehicle. Nice job in everybody acting like this is a fantastic meet and greet. After a tour of the house, Hasselhoff announces that Jordan has won, and her and three guests get to watch his awful new show. Jordan quickly picks Jeff, Shelly, and Kalia. Rachel is clearly pissed. “You’re not picking me to go to the screening and I’m the HOH. What is going on in your head, girl?”

OMG, this continues after the commercials, as they all head upstairs to eat sushi and watch this dumb show with the Hoff. Meanwhile, Rachel and Brendon have another fight. Brendon says that he’s so sick of fighting that he wants to leave. “Good, leave”, replies Rachel. Wash, rinse, recycle.

Hasselhoff finally leaves, and reads the CBS script perfectly as he talks about the sweetness of Jordan. Shelly informs Jordan that Rachel is pissed, and Jordan says in the diary room that she didn’t pick Rachel because she didn’t want to look like she’s kissing her ass. Meanwhile, the fighting continues, and Brendon says they should just put up Jeff and Jordan to make America hate them. Seriously, CBS, you’re showing THIS MUCH of their 300th fight? Plus, this much of the clips from Same Name??? Awful.

Ok, their fight continues into a third segment, as Dom comes in to offer his services to the “game’s strongest competitors”. His theory is that as long as he’s aligned with them, there will always be bigger targets than him. I guess that’s not a bad plan, and Brendon thinks that he’s a bigger target than Jeff because Jeff “hasn’t won shit”. Brendon’s idea is for him and Daniele to work with the two of them. Rachel claims that Jeff saying Dom is coming after them is their “first strike”, and not letting her be a part of the luxury prize is their “second strike”. Oh, you silly twit. “They didn’t even take me, and I’m the HOH!” Ugh! Dom says he’s in this 100% until the end, but Rachel isn’t sure she can trust him.

Dom goes off and reports his conversation with a sleeping Daniele, who says “everybody in this house is stupid”. She asks Dom if he would ever nominate Jeff and Jordan, and he says he’d rather backdoor them. Since nobody will put them up, they have to get Brendon and Rachel to do their work.

Daniele then heads up to talk to Brendon and Rachel, saying that the best plan for her is to break up the two couples. She immediately jumps in on how stupid Jordan was not including them in the prize, and that completely pushes Rachel’s button. Daniele says she’s worried that they wouldn’t have the guts to put them up, and that somebody has to be the first to break. “Jeff’s gotta go”, says Daniele. Brendon, though, says they have to think this through as doing this too early may be a big mistake.

Jeff then comes into the HOH and asks if they’re mad about the luxury prize. “Noooooo, why would we care”, replies Rachel. Brendon says that Jeff was definitely doing damage control, and Rachel adds that it’s obvious that people are trying to create a rift between the two couples. “We’re not going after you two guys ever. If we wanted to, it would have been last week…it’s not even in our mind.” Brendon and Rachel claim they are thinking the same thoughts, and Jeff admits in the diary room that dealing with Rachel means walking on egg shells. Jeff finally leaves, and Rachel says she’s confused but “would have no problem stirring up the game a little bit”.

It’s not nomination time, and everybody again ably reads their scripts. Jeff and Jordan’s keys are pulled first, and then Kalia and Lawon. Adam and Dom are once again nominated. Rachel gives the “purely strategic” speech, and they all babble the usual nonsense.

That’s all folks! What did you think of the episode? Did you tire of the Hoff segments? Or the Brenchel fighting? Was there anything entertaining about this episode?

Thursday
Jul212011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 7 Recap

Well, last night’s episode garnered some mixed emotions. On the one hand, the ridiculousness that’s named Rachel was finally highlighted. Her demand to control Jordan’s HOH was somewhat accurately portrayed (and some blame must go to Jordan), and she looked like a damned fool when she was crying in the fake bushes.

However, for those of us who care about continuity, her fight with Cassi, and the mental breakdown/beatdown that occurred later in the evening also needed to be shown last night as it all happened before the veto meeting. Will we see it tonight? I’m guessing we will, but probably not in all its glory.

Oh well. Tonight is the end of Jordan’s reign a HOH (at least in name), the departure of either Shelly or Cassi (we all know which one), and the crowning of a new head of household. Who will it be? Please, anybody but Brendon or Rachel.

Before we get to any of that, however, we have to sit through the alternating cheers and whining after the nomination changes from Adam and Dominic to Cassi and Shelly. Lawon tells Cassi to be strong, but Shelly is also bummed about being nominated (obvi). “It’s crappy. It stinks. I hope that I’m safe. I feel like I’m safe. The odds are that my best friend, Cassi, is going home.” Cassi is bummed to be up against Shelly, and she knows the odds are she won’t get the votes to stay.

After giving Jeff a bit of a look, Rachel gloats that she “always gets her way”. Jordan says that those two are the last two that she wants to put up, but her alliance wants them gone. Cassi tells her that it’s ok, and they hug.

For somebody who is safe, Shelly is the one breaking down. She hates that her decision in week one to work with the veterans is why Cassi will end up leaving. Cassi joins her and asks why she’s sad. “It’s not fair.” Shelly tells her to campaign, but Cassi says she could “never, ever say a bad thing about Shelly.” Cue the piano music.

Jordan is upstairs crying, complaining that they never had a chance. Jeff tells her that she’s a good person. Yeah, this is filler, and again it’s designed to make Jordan and Jeff look like perfect people.

Daniele is now asking Shelly if she’s ok, and Shelly is still bummed for the reasons already listed. Shelly is especially bummed because she’s always taught her child not to lie. Yes, enough of this.

We now jump backwards to the night before (although this isn’t disclosed), and the big fight already talked about yesterday and earlier in this piece is finally aired. Cassi brings Rachel into the have-not room, and the fireworks explode (somewhat fairly). Well, somewhat, as it’s cut WAY down, and Rachel doesn’t look nearly as bad as she did Sunday night. The best part is the conclusion, though, when Cassi calls her a “catty, catty girl”.

Rachel then runs into the other room to change clothes, and complains in the diary room that she’s the “meanest fighter in the world. She used all of my weaknesses against me.” Rachel heads up into the HOH to put on a good cry in front of Jordan. We then get to hear an edited version of Jordan explaining how Rachel’s actions sometimes make her look “bitchy”. Ok, now this is starting to be edited to make Rachel look sympathetic. Daniele and Brendon both come into the room, and Brendon complains in the diary room that he’s “done” with her.

Let’s jump to the next day, but still before the veto ceremony, and Brendon and Cassi go into it. Cassi swears on the Bible that she hasn’t lied, and Brendon says that’s a line that he’ll never buy. This quickly dissolves into Brendon lecturing Cassi, and she says she’s not a “dumbass”. She claims that she just wanted to “clear the air” with them, and she’s obviously the only “adult” of the three. Well, she has a point there. Interesting how this was all portrayed, and nothing else that happened for the past three days was shown.

After the first commercial break, Julie interviews the house. They’re shown portions of the have-not competition, and they all obviously crack up. Julie asks Lawon about the toughness of the competitions. Yes, he answers they’re fun AND hard. Kalia is asked about her “injury”, and she thanks everybody for their help. Adam is asked how grateful he is to Dom for winning the veto to take him off the block…and yes, he is. You can hear Cassi in the background saying, “thanks, Dom”. Julie then asks Rachel about the tension during the veto competition, and she giggles and admits she sometimes says the wrong things. “We’re a happy family again.”

It’s time for more filler, as we get to view friends and family of the unlikely duo – Adam and Dominic. We meet Adam’s girlfriend, and she explains how he lost 100 pounds to be on Big Brother. She says he’s a “Big Brother scholar” after a clip of Porsche asking some BB trivia.

It is now Dom’s turn, and we meet his cute best friend, Dana. According to her, his mom is very controlling, and this is the first time he’s ever slept away from home. We see him flirting with Cassi, and Dana says that while he is a 25 year old virgin, he does know women. Dana also believes that his relationship with Daniele is just to help him get through the game.

Before we get to the expulsion, Julie talks to Jordan in the HOH. The first question is about their feelings about working with Brendon and Rachel. She says it’s good to have them on their side right now. Julie pushes by asking about their consideration of putting them up, and the reply is that it was “just too early”. Of course, we then get a viewer question as to when they’re going to get married and “make babies”. First, they have to actually live in the same state.

So now it’s voting time. Cassi gets to give her final plea first, and she says she feels “blessed” to meet everybody, and then tells Shelly how much she loves her. After noting that it “must be a special day because I’m in heels” (no shit), Shelly warns everybody that one will have to someday meet those they push aside on the way up the ladder. She concludes by telling Cassi how much she loves her.

Voting begins with Rachel, who obviously votes to evict Cassi, as does Brendon, Jeff, Adam, Dominic, Daniele, Kalia, Lawon, and Porsche. Yes, it’s unanimous!

Julie delivers the news to the house when we return from commercials, and Cassi hugs all as she walks out (even Rachel, who she had promised to have a word or two against). Brendon whispers something to Jeff while we wait for the interview with Julie, who then starts by pointing out that her final plea speech was like a goodbye. Cassi says she just couldn’t campaign against Shelly, and she knew she was going. Julie wants to go on some more about the “jealousy” angle, and Cassi is sort of vague. Yeah, it’s tough to be pretty, my dear. She’s then asked if she regrets “drawing the line in the sand” to separate the vets and noobs. Cassi explains that it was just kind of the unspoken thing going on, and after it goes on for awhile Juie cuts her off.

Jordan kicks off the final goodbyes by saying it’s too bad that “jealousy” got in the way of them really teaming up. Oh Jordan, you could have done that anyway. Rachel says that she’s “probably the worst game player ever in Big Brother. To say I’m catty and bitchy and I don’t like girls. The truth is I don’t like you.” Dom, however, complains that it just shows the “true character” of these girls. We end with Shelly calling Cassi “her Thelma to my Louise”. Hmmm, interesting.

Now it’s the moment we’re all scared of viewing. Will the next HOH be Rachel or Brendon? America is praying that it’s not. Tonight it’s a question contest called “Big Brother Online”, and it involves questions asked to visitors to the CBS website. A wrong choice eliminates a player. The first question is whether a person would rather get mouth to mouth from Jeff or Brendon, and the answer is Jeff. Everybody gets that one correct. The second question is who would be more likely to “warm the pool with something other than their charm” – Adam or Kalia. Everybody correctly chooses Adam.

Next, it’s which HG is more likely to steal a lover – Rachel or Porsche. The answer is Porsche, so Kalia is now eliminated. The fourth question is who would be more likely to save somebody from a burning building – Shelly or Brendon. Jeff is the only one out this time, as he picked Brendon. (What?)

For question five, it’s who would America rather see spend the entire summer in a bikini – Porsche or Daniele. (I know my choice.) Holy shit, the correct answer is Daniele, which leaves us with…get this, Rachel and Brendon. Now it’s who you would rather cheat from off a test – Jordan or Lawon. They both get this wrong by choosing Lawon. Now it’s who would be more likely to go “seriously bananas” in the house – Adam or Dominic. Finally, the two choose different answers, and Rachel wins by choosing Adam. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!Well, that’s it, my friends (and I'm not paying attention to the final interview with Rachel). Oh wait, Julie just said that there is a "celebrity" visiting the house this week? And that there will be a change in the game later this week?

So...are you excited for Rachel’s victory? Are you dreading this week? What did  you think of the Cassi/Rachel edit? Which couple is going up this week?

Wednesday
Jul202011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 6 Recap

Working on Big Brother footage for CBS must be a tough job. No, no, no, I’m not talking about the fact that every week presents hundreds of hours of footage that must be cut down to two 42-minute episodes (plus a segment or two on eviction day). What I’m referring to is the “Rachel edit”.

It has to be hell for these poor souls who have to somehow take footage that shows Rachel (and SkypeBoy) acting like fools and transform them into a modern day Romeo and Juliet. The task is comparable to convincing America that a Kardashian has the smarts of Steven Hawking. Tonight is an especially challenging evening, as all the acoustic guitars and pianos in the world can’t make one sympathetic for the Vegas cocktail waitress after viewing Sunday’s meltdown on the feeds.

Yet, I expect CBS to give it a grand ol’ try. The initial confrontation with Cassi will leave out important moments, the guidance from Jordan will be made to appear that it entered into that vast wasteland of a brain, and, worst of all, the mental beatdown from Brendon will be turned into a touching moment of a loving girlfriend learning from her masterful scientist boyfriend. Blech!

Before we get to that, however, we must sit through the usual garbage of the house reactions to the nominations of Adam and Dominic (god, this seems like it happened weeks ago). Adam says that Jordan had told him that he has to trust them if he’s nominated, and after Lawon whispers “you gotta fight”, Dom says he knows he’s the big target this week as “I’ve got big suspicions Adam stabbed me in the back”. Jordan agrees, saying she believes Dom is the “ringleader”.

For some reason, Rachel thanks Jeff for the nominations. “It’s not me, it’s Jordan”, he replies. In the diary room, Rachel is a bit more heated. “What are you doing? Cassi is the target to get out of here, not Dominic. If I can’t even trust you and Jeff to make the right choices at nominations, what am I going to be able to trust you at going forward?” Who is the HOH again?

Dom and Cassi reconvene in the have-not room. Dom says he knew it was coming, and Cassi asks if he thinks he has a shot. Dom says he doesn’t know how much he trusts Jeff and Jordan, and “it all depends on Adam’s deal with them”. Cassi tells him to cut a better deal, but Dom doesn’t want to be their “slave” for the next couple of weeks. Dom thinks he’s now flying solo.

Adam then walks into the room, and Dom asks him how he’s feeling. “We gotta win that veto”, says Dom. “Our back’s against the wall”, replies an unconvincing Adam. “Let’s not pull a Porsche and Keith.”

Jordan now has Adam in the HOH room, and claims that he acted so well Jeff believes he’s actually pissed. She promises him that he’s safe, and for the veto competition the “best thing for you to do is to sabotage it. I promise you we have your back.”

Meanwhile, Rachel is now hanging out with Porsche, who says Cassi has to be eliminated before the couples are split. This sets up the typical Rachel complaints against Cassi before Lawon interrupts. “I see Rachel and Porsche talking”, he claims, “and that’s mischievous. Those girls are always up to no good.”

Then we switch to Dom and Daniele, who warns him that anything she says has to be kept secret “because it’s for your benefit”. Daniele says in the diary room that she’s not stressing out yet, as she has some buttons yet to push. Yes, Jeff wants Dom out (“he’s an asshole” is the reply), but Daniele says both Rachel and Jeff are “going to sink their own ships”. Dom says that he is starting to trust Daniele, but she admits in the diary room that she’s just using him “for now”.

Daniele begins her work by telling Rachel she wants Daniele out, and Cassi put up in his place. “I don’t trust Cassi, trying to say she’s so real, and then running around the house telling lies to everybody.” Daniele admits in the diary room that she really doesn’t have anything against Cassi, “but if I see a bus, I’m not afraid to give her a little push”.

After commercials, Rachel and Brendon are talking to Jordan, telling her that they can all trust each other, but nobody can trust Cassi. “She’s so fake. She needs to get out of here.” Jordan just looks around, wondering where those voices are coming from.  Brendon doesn’t want her spending any time with Cassi. Jordan sees through their game. “Cassi just said one thing about Porsche, and Rachel is blowing it way out of proportion. It’s a little exaggerated and a little bit dramatic. It’s almost ridiculous.”

Jordan takes her concerns about Rachel to a seemingly bored Jeff. She tells him how Brendon and Rachel are constantly in her face about spending time with Cassi, but she wants to talk to her. “So, talk to her”, replies Jeff. “They gotta relax.” Jeff continues to rant about Rachel in the diary room, comparing her “to that little gnat that buzzes in your ear that you can’t stand…it’s not our first rodeo, and we don’t need that all the time…I need some Rachel-Off”. So do the feed watcher, Jeff. Trust me.

Sure enough, Cassi is in the HOH and Jordan informs her that people are “throwing you under the bus” (ugh, that dreaded line for the 10th time already tonight). “It’s because you’re pretty. You’re like absolutely gorgeous, and that’s no lie.” Cassi says it’s not just that, but it’s also because “I don’t play back with them”. Cassi adds that she likes them because they’re genuine people that won’t let those types of games influence their thinking. She adds in the diary room that this is exactly why she hasn’t let on that she’s a model. Well, I wouldn’t go that far, my dear.

It’s time to pick players for the veto comp. Jordan ably gets through the script, and after calling up the nominees, Jordan pulls out the chip that belongs to…get this, Brendon and Rachel! Nice job, CBS! Dom is pissed! “I’m going to get destroyed!” Jordan then chooses Daniele to be the host of the competition.

Rachel takes Brendon into the storage room and asks him if he’d be willing to go against Jeff and Jordan if they win the veto. “I think they’re just doing what’s best for them in this game.” Really, Rachel? Aren’t you doing the same thing? In one of his most coherent points of both of his seasons, Brendon says that they can’t just go “behind Jeff and Jordan’s back”. Rachel says that she’s scared that Jordan is so easily influenced, and Brendon replies “that’s why we can’t let Jordan be alone with Cassi”. They decide to enlist Dom in their plan, and Rachel goes off to find Daniele.

Daniele warns them that it’s a risky move, but she’s “super excited” that they’re on board to keep Dominic. “In the end, I’m going to get what I want and nobody is going to be mad at me.”

It’s finally veto comp time, and Daniele leads them all out to the backyard to a giant “candy shop”. In this game, they’re playing as individuals, which obviously pleases Dom. To win, one must chew gumballs while walking across a plank to deposit on their “veto portrait”. Yes, Jordan, this leads to your stereotypical joke about “walk and chew gum all the time”. If you drop, you’re out unless you take two weeks of slop.

Jeff still believes that if any of the vets win that Dom will go home. Obviously, we know that’s not the case. Jordan quickly drops, and is about to take the slop before Jeff yells at her. This pisses off Rachel, who says “if they HOH isn’t playing, maybe we shouldn’t be”. Ooooh, Jeff is pissed, but he says nothing. Rachel falls, and immediately grabs the slop ticket. Jeff is steaming!

Rachel then falls once again, and she starts screaming her typical lines about how great Brendon is doing. Dom notices that he’s pretty close to Jeff and Brendon, and starts picking up the pace. Finally, Dom places the winning gum on his easel, and wins the veto. Cassi knows this is bad news for her.

With the contest over, Jeff tells Rachel that he “doesn’t appreciate your comments during the race”. Rachel doesn’t understand what he’s complaining about, and has that “are you kidding me” look on her face. “It’s done”, she bitches as she tosses her bottle down and walks away. She attempts to bitch at Brendon about Jeff, but he also admonishes her. “Keep your head in the game. Not emotion. Play smart.” Jeff comes back to them and continues to berate her for making Jordan look bad. “You showed that you’re better than Jordan. You showed it tenfold today.” The rest of the house looks on with giant smiles!

We come back from commercials to find Rachel bawling in some bushes. Ok, enough of this crap. Brendon says he has to get her to calm down in front of the rest of the house. Even Kalia thinks Rachel’s actions are idiotic. Yeah, it continues on as the rest of the house heads back into the house. And once again, we get the Brendon is a hero edit. Rachel finally comes back into the house, and Cassi believes these kinds of “shenanigans” makes Cassi look better. Well, not really.

Dom heads into the have-not room to celebrate, and he thinks his win is a victory for the entire house. Adam is even happy, as he kept his word and still gets off the block. Jeff and Jordan, meanwhile, head into the HOH and she tells him to “not be so mad”. He says he’s tired of the “Rachel show”. He goes on to say that’s exactly why people didn’t like her last year, and that her mouth is going to eventually be “their breaking point”. In the diary room, he ably reads the script to create some doubt as to the replacement nominees.

Rachel is still whining to Brendon, wondering if Jeff and Jordan will be dumb enough to put them up. Brendon grills her as to what she’s going to say to Jordan, but she’s not too thrilled by Brendon’s advice. Rachel says that she could say “I don’t appreciate your girl winning HOH because we let her”. Brendon commands her to stop. “No wonder America hates me”, Rachel concludes.

They do head up to grovel to Jeff and Jordan. Rachel apologizes, and Jordan says she’s not mad. Jeff says that she should have “just bowed out”, but Jeff says the “repercussions will last for two weeks”. Jeff adds in the diary room that he thinks it sounds like a forced apology. They all say the right things, though, and Brendon adds that the rest of the house can never see them bicker like that again.

Cassi is then brought into the HOH, with Shelli following three steps behind. Jordan says they are the last two people she wants to put up, and Cassi immediately asks if they gave any thought to putting up Brendon and Rachel. She adds that they need to think about “the long haul and who is going to turn on your later. At some point, y’all are going to have to get Brendon and Rachel out, and I would have been down to lead that front to do it.”

Jordan says her hands are tied, as the veterans are all tied together. Cassi says she “just wants to shake Jordan right now…and how this is a potential game changer” to rid the house of them.  This again sets up diary room stuff from Jordan to shed some doubt as to what she’s going to do.

She asks Jeff what he thinks of backdooring Brendon and Rachel, and Jeff says he’d stand beside her is she indeed did that. Jeff wants to “squash that annoying gnat in my ear”. To put an exclamation on the segment, Jordan adds that wants to “do something dramatic in this game.”

This all leads up to the anticlimactic finish, as Dom has to grab the veto and stare at the wall of house guests. He’s a bit bummed that Cassi is probably going up in his place. Everybody recites their expected lines in the diary room before Dom brings everybody in to take himself and Adam off the block. Jordan then gets up…and puts up Cassi and Shelly.

So that’s it, and while we did get to somewhat accurately see Rachel lose her shit during the POV competition, we didn’t get to see the fireworks with Cassi. Is CBS saving that for tomorrow?