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Entries in Episode Recap (127)

Sunday
Aug072011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 14 Recap

“Brennnnnn-nonnnnnnnn!”

“Brennnnnn-nonnnnnnnn!”

This word, and very few others, will be uttered over and over tonight, as Big Brother will once again be the Rachel story. We’ll hear over and over how the banshee just cannot be without her soul mate, and how she’s going to wreck havoc on the house in revenge. Will she succeed? The answer is the only reason that kept many of us watching the feeds the past three days.

There’s no waiting as we start right off with the eviction of Brendon. Jordan is glad she’s safe, but she says she feels bad because it was because of Brendon and Rachel that she is still in the house. Daniele is cocky, as always, and she wants to send Rachel out the door next.

You all know Rachel’s reaction. “Daniele got rid of Brendon to make me hurt. Daniele started a war, and if I have to run through mud and take ten weeks of slop, I’ll do anything possible to make sure she goes home.” We then see her race off crying after Brendon’s departure, and Jeff complains that with another veteran gone then there’s a target on his back.

Shelly gives Rachel a hug as we hear tonight’s cameo from Lawon. “It’s time for somebody strong in this game to GET OUT! Now it’s time for the new kids on the block to show these veterans we are here to play.” Um, why don’t you do something then.

We jump ahead to Kalia’s HOH win, with a quick shot of a sad Rachel. Yes, Kalia is happy, as she screams in the diary room. She apparently showed Daniele that she is indeed as strong as her. Um, ok. Daniele adds that she “is proud of my little protégé…I’m definitely not sad that I turned on my old alliance.”

Great camera work is shown as Daniele frowning at Jeff consoling Rachel, who says Kalia is the worst person to win HOH this week. “She’s Daniele number one buddy – the same people that took out Brendon, and laughed about it and were mean to us all summer.” Pot, meet kettle. She knows she’s being nominated.

But Jeff is also not happy with Kalia’s win, and he’s mad that Porsche put him and Shelly up together in the game. Porsche approaches Jeff and apologizes, saying that she got really nervous and was sorry. Jeff blows her up, but Porsche says it was an honest mistake, although it helps her in the long run. The segment ends with Rachel whining, “I wanted to do it for Brendon”.

Everybody heads inside, and Kalia goes into the storage room to celebrate. “I told you”, she yells at the camera. “Nobody in this game better say that I’m not good at this game, and I don’t deserve to be here. Nobody.”

Cue the sad music, as Rachel is now crying in the have-not room. At the same time, Kalia is celebrating with everybody else, and Porsche fills her in on Jeff’s treatment of her after the competition. Porsche leaves, and Daniele and Kalia celebrate because they’re “risk takers”.

Meanwhile, Rachel is still bawling. Porsche comes in to console her, and Rachel thanks her for being her friend. Jordan joins them, and she reminds them that whoever is voted out does have a chance to return. After a bit, Porsche leaves the room and Jordan jumps right in with calling her a traitor. Jeff joins them, and the twist talk continues. Jeff tells her not to worry if she is nominated, and Rachel claims “the pity party is over”. No, it wasn’t for those watching the feeds. Jeff encourages her to stir it up.

Time for my least favorite segment of the week – the unveiling of the HOH room. Yes, there’s a giant bag of food, and pictures of the family. Kalia cries, and everybody acts interested. Zzzzzzzzzzz!

Kalia and Daniele are now talking in the HOH, but for a change it is Daniele that is eating. Daniele trains her on how to talk to everybody…basically just say “mmm hmmm mmm hmmm”. On cue, Rachel knocks on the door. Awwwwwwkward! Rachel whines about missing Brendon, and then asks Daniele to leave. “Obviously, we’re not best friends.” Rachel claims that she’s proud of Kalia, and that she respects her. She gives the standard offer of not nominating her next week if she’s not on the block this week. The word “respect” is said at least ten times, and after telling Rachel that she has no idea what she’s going to do, Kalia claims in the diary room that she may consider Rachel’s offer. Surrrrrre! As Rachel walks out, Kalia says to herself, “oh humble pie tastes so good, doesn’t it home girl?”

Time for filler, as Shelly asks Kalia a bunch of questions about her life. No need to recap, as it’s truly filler. Kalia babbles and babbles, and Shelly nods her head.

This is followed by more filler, as Adam gets rid of his elf suit. Unfortunately, we have to endure  him doing a strip tease. Yes, Adam, anything for TV time. Ugh!

Back to game shit…or is it? Kalia is snoring outside, and Shelly decides to surprise her by crawling under the hammock. Um, this is old footage…and not terribly exciting.

Ok, not it really is back to game stuff, as Daniele and her best friend are again talking about nominations. Kalia wants to put up Jeff and Rachel, but they know how they’ll react. The decision is made to tell Jeff that he’s being put up only to “fight for that veto”. Kalia says that she’s also going to play the “emotional card”, but Daniele warns that it may not work.

It’s now have-not competition time, as everybody walks out to the “Big Brother lounge”. Adam and Lawon both promise to be great at this competition (oh yeah?), and Kalia describes how a blended drink is created and the teams have to guess the ingredients. Another segment not worth recapping, except that the Have-nots this week are Jeff, Jordan, Rachel, and Shelly. Oh yeah, and Jeff and Jordan are now pissed at Shelly for screwing up. One more thing – CBS has to insert touching footage of Jeff and Jordan for the cat ladies.

Everybody heads in to find out that this week’s food is catfish and coconuts. Doesn’t sound that bad to me. Jordan is still pissed, as she hates fish and doesn’t know that you can eat coconuts. Silly girl.

It’s now time for a Jordan pity party, and Jeff comes into console her. I guess Jeff and Jordan are now officially the Rachel and Brendon of the game, as Jordan changes gears to bitch about Porsche.  “Everybody else benefits from us.” Hmmmm. Yep, they’re officially the new Brendon and Rachel, as Jordan breaks down again in the diary room while complaining about floaters.

After commercials, Kalia summons Shelly upstairs for a chat. She says that she feels she knows Shelly very well “personally, but I’m still so unsure on who she’s playing with…if anybody”. Kalia offers to add her to the Daniele/Kalia clique, and Shelly, as always, plays it right back. She wants to play with them, and promises to not put them up next week. You know, the same thing she tells everybody. But Shelly goes a step further, asking if she could see the three of them going to the finals together. In the diary room, Shelly admits that she has no intentions of doing this (mainly due to her love of Jeff and Jordan), but she’d be “remiss not to make sure that I have things on the other side”.

Oh wait, a second Lawon appearance on the show? Not for long, though, as Kalia kicks him and Daniele out as Jeff and Jordan come into the HOH. Kalia lays out the plan she talked about earlier in the show, but Jeff and Jordan are not happy with the plan to put up Jeff for the sole purpose of playing in the veto. Jeff says that if Rachel wins, then he’ll go home. Jordan reminds her of the twist that may bring a person back, and Jordan goes off on the floater shit once again. (For more details of this exchange, tune in to the latest episode of The Big Brother Gossip Show.)

Jordan storms out yelling about dead weight in the house, and Jeff repeats everything that has already been said. “Know that when I take myself off, you’re my number one target…and if I get voted out, know that I’ll come back only to take you out.” After more floater talk (and whining about doing Daniele’s work), Jeff also storms out. Kalia bawls in the diary room, but thankfully it’s not that guttural wail that we heard on the feeds.

It is now nomination time, and you know the drill. Kalia stares at the wall of pictures, and we see her insert keys. Meanwhile, she and those possibly on the block babble scripted nonsense. At least the ceremony is entertaining, as Rachel cozies up next to Daniele. When Daniele shifts to the side a bit, so does Rachel. “Is this serious? Does she have to be sitting on my lap and touching my foot?”

Adam’s key is the first pulled, followed by Porsche, Daniele, and Jordan. For some reason, Jordan then says that “my key should have been left out of here, because I know if one of them or somebody wins the veto this week, I’m going to be the replacement nominee.” She then pulls Lawon’s key, which is followed by Shelly. Yes, Rachel and Jeff are nominated.

Kalia stands up and says the “last week has been hell for a lot of reasons. The cattiness; the talking behind people’s backs. In the end, the people upstairs you pointed to in those pictures? They taught me to be a strong person and to make the decisions that are best to me. And they would never, ever want me to lay down and let somebody make a decision for me. That’s for everyone in the house who thinks I’m making someone else’s decision. (Snickers are heard.) I’m making my own.”

As they walk away from the table, Rachel continues her follow game with Daniele. “Hey, Daniele. How are you doing.”

“Gosh, you’re such an idiot. Unbelievable.”

“Do you want to talk?”

“No, I don’t even want to look at you.”

The show ends with Daniele saying this is a good week for her, regardless of whether Jeff or Rachel go home. Jeff obviously disagrees, again bringing up the twist and Daniele controlling her. “Guess who we’re coming for? You, big Kalia.” Oh snap! Kalia says that Jeff’s HOH room antics weren’t the best way to stay off the block. Of course, the last words go to Rachel, who blabbers on about fighting “tooth and nail” to “take her down”.

With that, we’re done. I must admit that outside of the filler and Have-not stuff, this wasn’t such a bad issue. The Rachel stuff was kept to a minimum, and the HOH meeting was much more entertaining than usual. What did you think? Did you laugh at Rachel’s childish antics with Daniele? Are you tired of Jeff and Jordan? And where was Porsche tonight, outside of pissing off Jeff and Jordan in the HOH comp? Let me know your thoughts!

Thursday
Aug042011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 13

A big disclaimer for tonight’s show – what you may see tonight is complete bullshit. Well, at least in the first couple of segments. As stated in a previous post, the past 36 hours has been nothing but Brenchel drama. The world has conspired against the red-headed she-devil and her “genius” (I prefer “special”) boyfriend, and she had been once again talking about walking off the show (which she won’t do).

Instead of these more realistic (and typical) views of Rachel, it is my prediction that the first two segments are going to be filler consisting of the fake wedding they put on for the Showtime cameras a couple of nights ago. There will also be just enough footage of them conspiring with the likes of Shelly to make the world think that Brendon indeed has a shot to survive another week.

So let’s start off with the reactions to what Brendon believes is a shocking turn of events – his use of the veto to save Rachel instead of himself. Yawwwwwwn. Oh Julie, Brendon’s move doesn’t mean “chivalry is not dead”. Brendon is oh so proud of himself as he talks about making sacrifices for “the girl I love”. Excuse me while I gag. Daniele is ecstatic as “all of my Big Brother dreams are coming true”.

Jeff isn’t surprised that Jordan was put up as she’s a safer bet than if he had been put up. Jordan agrees, but she hopes that people will tell her if she’s going home…only because she bought “an eviction dress”. Oh Lord. Rachel, of course, is still crying because they’re “the most dynamic duo”. Please, I just ate dinner!

Rachel runs off into the have-not room crying, but Brendon is all smiles. He is so proud of himself, and wants reassurance that it was such a bold move. “If nothing else, at least I went out with a bang”. Come on, CBS, we don’t need the romantic guitar music.

With that segment thankfully over, Shelly runs into Jeff and Jordan and says she doesn’t get it. She questions whether this was something they had always planned. In the diary room, Jeff says he doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with her without Brendon. “When every piece of fruit and vegetable she looks at reminds her of Brendon, I’m going to rip my hair out”.

Meanwhile, Kalia is running her mouth off with Daniele (a recurring move all week). They’re both happy, and Daniele says that she can beat Rachel easier than Brendon. She does acknowledge that if he somehow stays, she’s in deep shit. She goes over the votes, and says she has to ensure that the noobs vote her way.

Back to Brendon and Rachel, and they’re having a similar conversation. They have to get some noob votes, and Porsche is the first they chatter with. Rachel says they’ll never get rid of Porsche, who points out that Jeff doesn’t seem to upset that Jordan is nominated. Porsche says she is indeed voting for Jordan to leave because she doesn’t want to upset Rachel. Oh yeah, that’s a good reason.

Adam is next, and Rachel says that if he keeps Brendon they’ll keep him safe “the rest of the summer”. Hmmm, how many people can she promise that to? Rachel badmouths Daniele, but Adam is hesitant. Shelly has joined the group, and she indicates that she’s voting to keep Brendon. In the diary room, she goes on about how she has to make the best move for her. Adam, though, continues to not give an answer.

Daniele now sits down next to Adam and asks if they’re “still good”. She’s noticed that Brendon and Rachel are “happy all of a sudden”. Adam claims in the diary room that he still doesn’t know how he’s voting, and tells Daniele that he’s open to reasoning from both sides. “I make my own decisions.” Sure you do.

Back to Kalia and Daniele in the HOH, and they’re laughing about Rachel. Since she’s in the diary room, they call up Porsche to see if they can get her vote. Kalia leaves, and Daniele says she has a better chance if Brendon leaves. “They will lie to every single person to get what they want. They will literally try to sell their first child.”

Suddenly, Rachel walks in and she’s obviously pissed that Porsche is in the room. After whining a bit, she bolts right back out. “The thought of Porsche switching sides and voting out Brendon, and hanging out with Daniele, drives me insane. Why doesn’t she just take a knife right now and gut me?”

Still steaming outside, Porsche tells her that she needs to “stop with the sad thing”. Rachel asks if she’s still on their side, and Porsche says that she is. Brendon comes out and Porsche continues to tell her that she needs to mellow out…and of course, this means Rachel has to storm off. Brendon barks at Porsche for bringing up the topic, and Rachel starts screaming that “obviously, nobody is going to vote for us”.  Porsche wanders off, saying “I can’t help you now, girl”.

Rachel is now on the hammock, and Brendon follows her. “Nobody cares in this game about anybody but themselves”, she whines. She continues screaming, so Brendon chastises her. “I left you in this game so you can play, but you’re screwing yourself by doing this.” He asks if it was a mistake to save her, and she not only agrees but adds that he made a mistake “by asking me to marry you”. Oh yeah, this goes on and on…and moves on to how she can’t get a job and is crazy. Yeah, that’s about right. Ugh, cure the romantic music again as they kiss and make up.

Thankfully, the segment is over and we don’t even have to endure their fake wedding…yet. It’s time for Julie’s questions, and she starts with Adam’s elf costume. Yeah, it’s not worth recapping, except he mentions Dio’s first band, Elf. Oh yeah, and he dances (again). Moving on to Rachel, she asks about Brendon saving her instead of himself. Yes, we get it. You “love” each other. Jeff is then asked about his feelings about the possibility of Jordan leaving before him, and he talks about how he’s never spent a minute in the house without Jordan. And that’s it…with no stupid wedding talk!

Oooh, and now we get an interview with Evel Dick. After a clip of Rachel, Brendon, and Shelly talking about how different the game would have been with him, he claims that he would have never let Daniele play such a stupid game. He says they were “one of the best alliances in Big Brother history”, and we see clips from season eight. He says that she “is trying to come out of the shadow I cast on her in season eight so desperately. She’s playing so hard so fast has been terrible.” He talks about the stupidity of laying in bed with Dominic, which put a big target on him. Clips are shown that indicate the similarities between her and Dom with her and Nick in season eight.

He adds that targeting Jeff last week was a big mistake, as she was “in the best position in that house”. She should have waited until week eight to break up the couples, he adds. Although she has a lot of ground to make up, she is a great competitor so she still has a shot at winning.

In a move guaranteed to anger Rachel, Julie then interviews a barefoot Daniele. Julie starts by asking about targeting Jeff, and Daniele says her only regret was going after him too soon. She is then asked about what her father thinks of her gameplay, and she thinks he’ll criticize her but also back her up. Rachel is then brought up, and whether they can mend fences. “Absolutely not, but not on my account. She feels that I’m splitting up a marriage, not a couple in the house. That’s her problem in this game. She’s only going to play personal, and attack people on a personal level…the rest of her game is going to be to get me out of this house (and probably kill me after the game).” That’s a great answer!

Ok, so it’s final plea time. This should be interesting. Brendon is up first, and after saying he misses his (and Rachel’s) family, he doesn’t drop the bomb like I thought he would. He just gives her a pep talk, and tears up. Jordan is next up, and she just babbles goobleygoop.

Voting begins with Jeff, who votes to evict Brendon. A tearful Rachel obviously votes to evict Jordan. And we go to commercials with the vote tied at one. Silliness. Kalia is voting when we return, and she votes to evict Brendon, as does Adam. Porsche votes against Jordan, though, but Lawon and Shelly both vote against Brendon. Guess who is evicted???

Julie gives the news, and Brendon plays the nice guy as he claps everybody’s hands. He embraces Rachel for the entire time, and picks her up and twirls her. “Win HOH for me.” Oh boy.

The interview with Brendon commences with saving himself over Rachel, and he says that “love is a crazy thing”. Enough with this bullshit! Julie presses by asking if they believed she could go farther than him, but he says he’d have a “little bit better chance of staying longer”. Daniele is brought up, and we know his opinion of her. “I think she’s still living in her dad’s shadow.” He thinks she’ll make it for a few more weeks, and Rachel will be gunning for her.

Final goodbyes start with Kalia, who is a bit full of herself as she says how much she’s happy he’s gone. “I genuinely have no clue why you’re so arrogant. There are a lot of things easier than rocket science. Apparently, getting you out of this house is one of them.” Not smart, girlfriend. Jordan talks about wanting an invitation to their wedding. Daniele is up next, and says nothing intelligent. Speaking of no smarts, Rachel finishes the segment by crying about how “at least our babies will see our love story on DVD.” Kill me now! Julie finishes by noting that this will be the longest time they’ve been apart since meeting, and Brendon says they’ll make it ok. Hmmm, keep Skype away from him.

Before the commercial break, though, Julie announces the new twist to the house. Hey Adam, enough of the jig! She informs them that the next houseguest evicted has a chance to return to the game. Not adding any more info, she then tells us how the four original evictees will be competing against next week’s evictee to return to the game. We get to vote on which of the four will be in this competition. Vote Cassi!!!

Finally, it is HOH time, and it’s called “Checkmate”. It’s a “face off” game, where two at a time go up to answer questions about the first three evictees. Jordan and Kalia are first up, and Kalia correctly chooses Dominic. Rachel and Lawon are up next, and this time Rachel is correct. Kalia and Adam are now up, and Adam is now out. Rachel and Porsche are now up, and Rachel yells out an expletive as she screws up her answer. Jeff and Shelly are now up, and Shelly is correct this time. Kali and Porsche come up, and Kalia is once again correct. She’s now up against Shelly for HOH, and Kalia is the new HOH!!! Rachel is not going to be happy about this!!!

We’re through for this week’s episode. What did you think of the editing? Are you happy Brendon is gone? What about Kalia’s surprise HOH victory? Please comment and let us know your thoughts.

Wednesday
Aug032011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 12 Recap

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no recap for Sunday’s show. I had a good reason, though, as it was my nephew’s ninth birthday. Sure, I could have gone back and written something later, but our live recap of the “endurance” competition completely covered it, and that was over half the show. The other half was Brenchel bullshit, along with a touching Lawon cameo and an annoying “elf”, concluding with the nominations of Brendon and Rachel. Oh yeah, and the President made a cameo (for east coast viewers, at least).

Truth be told, I’m even less excited about tonight’s broadcast. America’s least favorite couple is bound to be the focus of 75% of it, especially with the attention-whoring stunts they pulled the past few days, and I’m beyond sick of them. Maybe we can get Obama to once again interrupt this travesty of a show.

So let’s start right off with the reaction to the nominations. You can pretty much write this segment yourself. Brendon promises to win the veto, and that Rachel will be coming after Daniele. Jeff isn’t shocked, and thinks Brenchel are a better target. He’s still worried about being backdoored. For some reason, Daniele thinks that she’s Robin Hood, “stealing from the rich to give to the poor”. Say what? She adds that the rest of the house is “too scared to make a big move. I think big moves take you really far in this game.” Of course, Rachel is in “tears” as she promises to come after Daniele as payback. “I’m back with Excalibur.” Um, ok. Nice job, diary room, in teaching her a new word.

The so-called “power couple” heads into the have-not room to whine about what happened, and Jeff and Jordan join them. Jordan says that this is not what she expected, and Rachel claims that Daniele wants to pull off a guy that “she can’t compete against”. Rachel says that if one of them wins veto, then Jeff will go up. “I’m not, I’m not an idiot.”

Shelly then walks in and asks what is up, and Brendon goes off on Daniele, saying she has “declared war on the house”. No, she’s doing you a favor. Brendon then jumps into cheese mode, saying that if he’s evicted they’ll still be married for the rest of their life. Ugh.

The others leave the room, and the romantic music kicks in as they embrace. It is pity party time, and Brendon says that if he wins the veto he’ll pull himself off. Oh God, this goes on as Brendon cries in the diary room. ENOUGH!!!

Wait, I started to fast forward as Brendon was babbling some big word, but I stopped as he said “I only know that because I’m a PHD student.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING??? Holy shit, these two are fucking disasters. The romantic music continues, and the vomit continues to rise up into my mouth.

Meanwhile, Jeff and Jordan are alone in another room, and Jordan is still shocked that one of them didn’t go up. Once again, we hear about how one of them will have to go up if they win veto. Jordan volunteers to be that person. Brendon and Rachel then walk in, and this week’s circular discussion carries on.

For some reason, Daniele heads downstairs to console Rachel, and says that she hopes Rachel doesn’t take it personally. In the diary room, Daniele adds that she was trying to cover her back for the future, but Rachel will have none of it as she whines about not making friends in the house. Yeah, this goes about as expected as Rachel complains about Daniele “tearing my heart out”. In the diary room, Rachel calls her a “mean girl”, and I can’t really understand anything else she has to say.

Thankfully, it was time for commercials, and when we return it’s time to pick veto players. Jeff says he wants to be picked for the competition to ensure that nominations stay the same. Sure enough, his name is the first name pulled…which pleases Daniele. “He knows if he doesn’t compete to his fullest, him or Jordan have a big possibility of ending up on the block.”

Rachel pulls out Adam’s name, and Brendon couldn’t be happier as he’s “one less person I have to worry about”. Brendon pulls out Porsche’s name, which causes another diary room screamfest from Rachel. This time, though, she’s screaming in excitement. Danielle chooses Lawon to be the host.

Before we get to the game, though, it’s time for more babbling about the situation from Jordan and Jeff. They decide to talk to her to remind her of their deal, but they both agree that next week they’ll go against it to nominate her. Jeff says the best plan would be to backdoor her. “Whoops!”

Ok, now it’s time to play the game as Lawon comes out wearing a Flavor Flav clock. They head outside to see an obstacle course of almost all the games they previously played. To play the game, everybody has to predict the time it will take them to complete each task. The person who predicted the quickest time performs the task, and If they go over, they’re out. If they make it through in time, then the person who chose the longest time is eliminated.

After hearing from everybody how they have to win, we finally get going. The gumball portion is first, Rachel chose the quickest time, so we have to listen to Brendon go on and on as he cheers heron. Kalia makes her weekly cameo as she says that’s probably how they’re like “in the sack”. Rachel makes it under the time she predicted, so the highest time (Adam) is out.

The second round is the “superhero puzzle”, and Rachel predicts an impossibly low time. Brendon is not happy with her. Needless to say, she doesn’t make it in the time she chose. The third round is the “hairy leg” spelling game, and Jeff knows this isn’t his expertise. After saying that she wanted to be slightly longer than Brendon, Daniele ends up being the lowest prediction. She doesn’t make it in time, and she’s out. Yep, Rachel is happy with this outcome.

Next up is the “cow milking” game, and this time Jeff does want to win. We get a flashback of Porsche and Keith’s embarrassment in the original game, and she picks a crazily high time. Jeff has the lowest time, and he “has” to win to protect him and Jordan. As time ticks away, we head to commercials.

When we return, the final seconds tick off…and Jeff’s milk bottle overflows just a second or so after his time is up. Daniele is bummed. It’s now Porsche and Brendon in the final golf round, and Brendon’s prediction is just two seconds shorter than Porsche. I think you know how this turns out. Yep, Brendon gets a ball in the hole with two seconds left. Yeah, this again gets sickening as Rachel straddles Brendon.

The celebration continues inside, and Brendon’s bright idea is to make everybody think that he’s going to use it on himself but instead use it on Rachel. Somehow, he thinks that will mess Daniele up. And again, we get the bullshit “knight in shining armor” crap.

Jeff is still beating himself over losing the veto, and they’re now worried that Brendon and Rachel will cut a deal with everybody to make sure both of them stay. Jeff thinks that Jordan has a lesser chance of going home if she’s nominated.

Kalia is now seen eating some of Daniele’s food (big surprise), and they’re surprised when Shelly knocks on their door. Immediately asking who Daniele wants to get booted, Daniele replies that it is in Brendon and Rachel’s hands. After she leaves, Daniele and Kalia talk about how “sketchy” she is. Suddenly, we’re led to believe that Shelly is a potential candidate for a nominee. Yeah, right. She decides to talk to Jeff and Jordan.

After another commercial break, Jeff and Jordan come up to visit Daniele. She informs them that she will do “whatever I can to keep you both here. I’m nervous because I hear that Brendon is taking himself off the block.” Jeff says that he’s heard that he’s pulling Rachel off, and Daniele asks them to find out exactly what they’re doing. Jordan volunteers to be the pawn, if she really is the pawn, but Daniele is worried that if Brendon doesn’t take down Rachel she could somehow pull off a victory.

They dutifully report to Brendon their conversation, and Brendon still claims that he’s taking himself down. Jordan says that Jeff and Brendon have the best chance at destroying the game. Brendon says that if she still wants to play with them, she should put up Lawon. Yeah, like that’s going to happen.

It’s now Brendon and Rachel’s turn to visit Daniele, and as she would say – “awwwwkward”. Brendon says that he’s going to use it on himself, and wants to know if Daniele is willing to work with them. Daniele’s response is that since she doesn’t vote, she doesn’t have any power. Brendon wants her to put up a floater, but Daniele doesn’t think that will save them. Daniele couldn’t look more disinterested as Brendon babbles on, but the background music is designed to make it sound like she’s actually considering Brendon’s bullshit.

Finally, we get to the moment of truth, and Brendon is still proud of himself as he talks about how he’s going to surprise everybody by using the veto to save Rachel. “This is going to be awesome!” No, it won’t. Daniele plays along, though, saying that it makes the choice of replacement nominee that much harder. Jeff is also worried because Rachel “will do anything to stay in this house”.

The veto meeting is called, and Brendon asks Rachel why he should save her. Why we have to endure this is beyond me, as of course he announces that he’s going to use it to save Rachel. Daniele then gets up and talks about how if she wasn’t HOH she would be the one on the block…and leaving on Thursday. She adds that she doesn’t want to make any new enemies, and nominates Jordan as the replacement nominee.

As we head to the final credits, Brendon continues to be proud of himself. He thinks that he “got” her, but Daniele says she couldn’t be happier. “My number one target is remaining on the block, and if I can single-handedly get the biggest threat out of the house, kudos to me”. Jordan says she has no clue…yeah, we know…and she hopes that she really is the pawn. The final word is on how Rachel feels like a “fairy tale princess because my knight in shining armor saved me from the wicked witch in the HOH room”. Oh please.

So that’s it. Tomorrow Brendon is (probably) going home, and we’re also promised a special visit from Evel Dick. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Are you ready for that conceited ass to head out the door? Who will be the next HOH?

Thursday
Jul282011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 10 Recap

He walked into the Big Brother house a 25 year-old virgin. Homeschooled by his mother, who never met a girl good enough for her son’s precious loins, he has always been surrounded by privileged, pretty people. It’s doubtful a day went by without somebody reminding him about his charm, looks, talents, and smarts.

Just under a month later, Dominic will be leaving the Big Brother house tonight a virgin. Without a doubt, he’s probably learned a few things about people and life. I’m sure this is the first time he’s spent more than a few condescending minutes with people whose looks, body shape, and, most importantly, hair weren’t as perfect as his.

While he didn’t bust his cherry, I’m also sure his relationship with Daniele taught him valuable life lessons about dealing with women that are more worldly than him. A twinkle of the eyes may be a pleasurable thing, but it also can lead to bad things…especially when said woman messes with the feeble mind of another woman who never lets anybody get between her and her HOH.

So let’s have a good evening saying goodbye to a man-child who slowly inched his way closer to being a man. Will we see him again? Probably, as a viewer’s choice poll will probably reward him over Keith and, sadly, the beautiful Cassi.

Before we get to his expulsion, though, we must spend a few minutes creating a tiny bit of doubt as to whether he actually leaves tonight. Like always, we kick off with the reactions to Brendon’s non-use of the POV. Dom and Adam both say they’re not surprised, but still think Brendon and Rachel will honor the word. Jeff, of course, is happy, but Daniele thinks Rachel is on some “crazy pills”. Well, yeah, that’s obvious.

We move to the HOH, and Daniele comes in to complain that she’s going to be pissed if Dom goes home. Brendon asks why it’s so imperative that he stays, and Daniele says that she needs another person with her to even up the couples. Brendon says that he’s upset that he’ll turn on them, and Daniele asks if they trust Adam any more than Dom. Ok, circular argument #1 has begun, as Daniele tells Brendon that she’s pissed. She has a good point, though, as she says in the diary room that he can’t talk down to her like he does to his girlfriend.

For some reason, we now move on to Jordan talking to Kalia. Jordan says that they had heard people were secretly plotting to evict them, and Kalia denies it. Thankfully, CBS shows the conversation Kalia had with Daniele planning to do that very thing! Kalia claims that she’s done everything that the vets have asked her to do, and just to make sure who we’re talking about CBS shows a shot of Daniele as Jordan complains about people creating doubt.

Jeff and Dom are now hanging out a bit, and Jeff says that he just wants Dom to admit that he’s wrong. “You fucked up, and you’re going home.” Dom denies that he’s targeting Jeff, and they move from the kitchen to the “purple room”. Circular argument #2 commences, and Jeff doesn’t hear the words he wants to hear. “He’s just lying right to my face, and I can’t have somebody like that in the house.” Dom is now pissed that Daniele’s plotting is blowing up in his face.

Now we move to Jeff and Jordan talking, and Jordan admits that she was listening in on his conversation with Dom. Kalia is in the room, and after she leaves Jordan tells him the conversation that they had. Jeff thinks they should just gather the entire house together and “start throwing people under the bus”. Brendon has wandered in, and he also wants a house meeting. Oh, you silly kids.

Attempting some weird sort of damage control, Dom heads up to the HOH to “clarify things” with Brendon and Rachel. He says it was never his idea to backdoor Jeff. Oh, Jeff is also in the room, and he takes over the conversation again. Dom was originally not the target, but it was Daniele’s plotting that screwed him. Dom’s only excuse is that he didn’t create the idea, and Jeff’s big bitch is that Dom didn’t report it to him. “You’re an accessory to backdooring me.” Circular argument #3 is in full force. Oh wait, Rachel pipes up and says she does want to save him because she hates floaters, and “Adam is the ultimate floater”. To create a little doubt, Jeff ends the chat by saying that it’s “not over until you leave the house”.

Once commercials (finally) cease, it’s time for the idiotic house meeting. Oh Lord, I wish Matt Hoffman was in the house tonight. Kalia heads outside to talk to Brendon because they haven’t talked much since she made her deal with the vets. She complains that she doesn’t feel like she’s in the loop anymore. Brendon says that all he hears is “lies, lies, lies”. He tells her that he feels that she’s playing both sides, and he has to be right because he’s a “rocket science”. He also throws out his worst insult of all – floater – and basically blows her off. She finally gets up and he calls out to her to start doing her own dishes.

Kalia wanders into the house, but says she should keep the door open so he can hear what she is obviously running to tell everybody. She slams the door shut and starts babbling about how she is apparently the “biggest floater in the house”. Hmm, I’ll stay away from that line. She continues on into the bedroom, and the rest of the outside crew scramble inside.

Somehow, clicking the lid of her jug is how Kalia shows her tough side, as she adds in the diary room that she will “not roll over for anybody”. Jordan decides it’s time to bring everybody into the kitchen for a discussion, including the cup clicker. Let’s start circular argument #4. Brendon complains that she “scurries around telling everything to her boss”. Kalia’s response is that she knew nothing would come of the backdoor plot. Daniele is sitting there, but her name is never mentioned as they all bitch about a mythical other person who created Kalia and Dom’s problems.

Kalia says that the person in question is her “friend”, and Rachel pipes in about how said friend would sell her out in a heartbeat. Finally, Daniele responds, and calls Rachel an “idiot”. Uh oh, this sets off Brendon, who says that nobody can call his fiancé names and that her friends are taking the fall for her idea. Jeff wants to know why he’s the target, and Daniele says it’s nothing personal. He’s just a tough player. Rachel finally just shakes her head and says, “Daniele, you’re ridiculous”. Daniele promises that she’s going to win HOH, and boot one of these fools. For some reason, Lawon makes his nightly cameo and says he’s also playing to win. Really, Lawon?

Once the false doubt is created, it’s time for Julie Chen’s insipid questions to the house. She starts with Kalia and her drama in the house meeting. She wants to know where things stand now, and Kalia babbles some bullshit that at the end of the day you don’t have to like “everybody in the world”. Brendon is asked for his reaction, and he tries to crack a joke that he indeed does like everybody in the world. Good one, rocket scientist boy. He adds that it is an intense game, and at times they all say something they don’t really mean. Carrying on, Jeff is also asked, who says there are “definitely some lines drawn in the sand”. He puts on a holier than thou act as he says he doesn’t play “that” kind of game. He is asked about the house meeting, and it is more nonsense.

Julie points out that Daniele probably doesn’t agree with Jeff, and is she surprised there is this much tension already? Ugh, what a stupid question. Daniele giggles and says “absolutely not”. She says she came to play a game, and not be a part of a dictatorship.

Final plea time, and Adam is up first. He thanks his family and friends, and says the general bullshit line about meeting strangers and liking them all. Dom then stands and he also claims to like everybody, but “I think some of you guys are spineless jellyfish that really are riding on people’s backs, and you don’t have a chance of winning if you play like that. I think you guys need to man up, get some guts, and fight for you and not anybody else.” He adds that he thinks they all collectively “suck at the game, and that if he had a player that had a spine to play with me, except for the last week, I think we’d have a game being played”. Wow, Adam gives him an interesting look after that comment.

Voting starts with Jeff, who obviously votes to evict Dom, and calls his speech “terrible”. Jordan is next, and also votes to evict Dom, as does Kalia. Daniele votes to evict Adam, as she’s “not afraid to go against the King and the Queen”. After a commercial break, Brendon votes to evict Dom, as does Shelly, Lawon, and Porsche. Dominic is evicted 7 – 1.

It’s all hugs and kisses, however, as Dom leaves the house. Julie begins the interview by asking about the speech, and he says that it was directed at all the noobs. He says he “wanted to light a fire” to help Daniele. Of course, Julie has to ask about his feelings for Daniele, and he says that she was “the only one who wanted to fight with me”, and that they had a real bond. Julie then asks about throwing the veto, and why he trusted anybody in the house. He claims that his only chance was to work with the veterans, but he denies that he overplayed…except in the beginning. He also claims that he targeted Jeff because Jordan would never target him, while if Brendon or Rachel were booted the other would come after him full force.

Interview concluded means it’s time for final goodbyes. Shelly starts off by saying she feels bad for him, but that he’ll learn soon that when it comes to women “you can live with them and you can’t live without him”. Daniele says she came into the house this time with the plan to “play like a robot without any emotion.” She’s “really, really sad” to see him go. Lawon says they’re “boys for life”, and he will never get rid of him. Why oh why does Lawon only come to life for diary room bullshit? Jeff and Jordan are next, and of course it’s all about targeting him. Only this time, it’s Jordan’s turn to copy Rachel’s “nobody comes between me and my man”. Cat ladies all across the country are now in tears.

Uh oh, instead of going to a commercial, Julie gathers everybody back into the living room. Twist time! She congratulates the final ten, and that the duo twist is over. But…duh duh duh! “The summer and the twists are far from done.” Wait, that’s it? Ugh, CBS!

So it’s time to start the HOH competition, and it is indeed an endurance competition. Everybody is hanging on a wall for a contest called “Big Brother Slalom”, and they have to stay up on their “skis” for as long as possible. Uh oh, Brendon, this is a contest designed for people with small feet! The first five to drop has to grab a giant snowball that has something good or bad inside, and one of them is a $10,000 prize!

The game starts, and the “skis” begin rotating back and forth. After a couple of minutes, Julie jumps in to announce that the mountain “looks a little steep”, and it appears to move a bit. And I mean a bit. As we head to the final commercial break, we hear a voice we’re bound to hear all night- “you got this, guys”. I forgot how annoying Rachel is during these types of competitions.

We come back for the final segment, and Julie announces that next Thursday the viewers can be a part of the next “game-changing twist”. Yes, we know that means we’re going to vote on a returning player. Julie then returns to the game, and the snow machines are turned on.

So that’s it. What did you think of tonight’s show? How was the editing this time? Was evicting Dom the right move?