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Thursday
Aug132009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 16 Recap

I must begin tonight’s recap with a bit of a confession. Last week I was guilty of hyperbole, but it was unintentional. Knowing that Ronnie would be evicted, along with the unveiling of the “coup d’etat”, I believed it would be a perfect episode.

Yet, it was a bit underwhelming. Outside of a bat shit crazy statement towards Michelle, Ronnie’s eviction was not as fun as I had hoped. And quite frankly, Jeff’s winning the mystery power was so expected that it was truly anticlimactic.

But tonight is another story. There’s just no way tonight’s episode isn’t going to be action-packed. Will Jeff use the mystery power? If so, who will he use it on? Most importantly, how will everybody react?

That last question is obviously foremost on the minds of BB producers, as they made the unprecedented move of pre-taping tonight’s episode. Much of this is obviously due to the constant threats from Chima and others to disrupt the broadcast, but I’d say there’s other reasons that may even outweigh the possibility of bad words making it over the airwaves.

Historically, the BB producers have been pretty unimaginative and clichéd when it comes to the formatting of the shows. I criticize them every week over the predictability of the pacing of the show. The live eviction show is no exception. Outside of occasional packages on the contestant’s families, you can set your clocks according to what happens.

The mystery power throws a wrench into the tight format, and BB producers have historically had a tough time dealing with anything out or the ordinary. The mystery power is uncharted territory for them, as it wasn’t used the prior time it was in play. With this in mind, even without the chaos that it’s bound to create INSIDE the house, there’s going to be even more in the control booth. Prerecording the episode gives them a couple of hours to not only clean up the reactions, but also tie up some production issues.

So here we go!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah - recaps, recaps, zzzzzzz! Let’s get to the good stuff! Polka-dotted Julie Chen sets the stage as she always does, explaining how the mystery power works (as if we didn’t already know). But first…we start with Kevin’s decision to not use the veto earlier this week. Seriously, this material doesn’t need to be aired since it’s all meaningless.

Yes, Kevin, we know you don’t want any enemies, but Lydia says it’s “bogus” he didn’t save his best friend from the block. Chima is obviously happy that Russell MAY be leaving the house.

Russell heads into the bedroom and finds Lydia hidden under the covers. He hugs her, and says that he’s going to lobby for some votes. First candidate? Jessie. Oh wait, it’s not. Jessie’s coming into cheer up Lydia (and maybe get one last handy for the road). As always, Jessie turns it to himself because he’s worried about the “wizard power”. Lydia asks why he’s “psyching himself out”, and Jessie says it’s because he’s lost before.

Outside, Russell asks Jeff what he would do “hypothetically” if he was the wizard. Jeff emphatically answers the he doesn’t know “what this wizard power entails”. Um, yeah. Jeff adds that it’s been the talk of the whole week as we see a montage of conversation about it. Jeff adds that he “love, love, loves” having this mystery power.

Jeff is now sitting in the pool with Jordan as everybody looks on. Natalie says that her and Jessie believe that either Jeff or Jordan have the power, and they’re going to (shocker) actually spend the day outside with them. Are there beds in the backkyard. Jessie plays in the pool with Jordan, while Natalie attempts (key word) to play badminton with Jeff. Uncomfortable!!! Even silly Jordan understands that this is fraudulent. Well, she says it’s scandalous. Silly girl.

It’s now evening, and Jessie is playing pool with Russell, who points out that neither of them can win the finals next to any of the women. Russell says in the diary room that he’s trying to get Jessie’s vote, but Jessie again complains about being “kicked in the teeth” by not choosing him to play in the POV. Russell shows a bit of smarts, though, saying that the only reason Jessie wanted to play was to make himself safe from the mystery power. “Go get Natalie to massage your back.” He goes on about how he can’t win against the girls, and again Jessie complains that Russell chose Jeff over him.

We move on to Russell attempting to sway Michelle in the pool room by saying that with Jeff and Jordan’s votes all he needs is one more. Natalie is in the next room, though, and informs Jessie that the two of them are talking. Jessie shakes his head, especially since he thinks she may have the mystery power. “This may be the end of my game.”

Jessie walks in on the two of them, and immediately starts in on Russell. “Wasn’t it like four or five days ago that he was sitting there calling you crazy?” (Flashback to that scene.) “Yes, it was”, replies Michelle. Now the two of them get into it. Michelle finally leaves to let them argue.

Continuing to move around the house, we now see Jessie in Chima’s HOH bed. Chima hopes that Russell is unanimously voted out. “He deserves what he gets, and hopefully it’s outside with Julie”, replies Jessie. Chima adds that she hopes wants to “dance on Russell’s grave”, and that if “Jeff wants to see me wile animal-style, keep Russell here.” She adds in the diary room that she’s 99% sure that Jeff has the mystery power, and that the person who hates drama will now be in the midst of it.

After commercials, Julie addresses the house. She asks who is nervous, and Jessie, Natalie, and Jeff raise their hands. Interesting. She asks Kevin how hard it was not to use the veto on Lydia. He says he “kind of struggled with it”, but hopes that Lydia has forgiven him.

You know where the next question went, and Lydia says she still loves him despite the fact he didn’t save her. He claps in response. “It can only make us stronger”, she adds.

After Julie congratulates them for making the halfway mark, she explains to them that those evicted will now be a part of the jury house. Yet for some reason, she asks Natalie what is the most surprising thing about the game so far. She says it’s the boredom, which Julie doesn’t believe because of all the tension and drama. “I want to see what your real life is like.” Point to Julie.

Jeff is then asked if this game has been more difficult than he believe it would be, and of course he answers that it is. “(There’s) just all the tension (and) all the downtime…every day is a mind…” “Don’t say it”, pleads Julie!

Interview time over, we get to visit with Chima’s grandmother after she talks about how her family is a group of strong women. Grandma is adorable as she describes her, but it’s her friend Kimberly I want to know more about! Grandma is wise, though, when she is seen watching the arguments with Russell. “You should not get personal.“ Enough with the filler! Let’s get down to the real business!

It’s time for Julie’s HOH talk with Chima, and Julie begins by asking about the dissolution of her friendship with Russell. “I thought we were friends, but he was speaking of me behind my back…it was inevitable that I‘d find out all these things.” Julie asks if she has any regrets about the things she said to and about him, and she says she doesn’t. The final question is about the mystery power, and whether it’s affected her strategy. She says that she basically had to just forget about it, and do what she wanted to do which is to get Russell out.


We go back to the living room, and it’s time to see if Jeff is going to use the mystery power. Jeff stands up, and Jessie knows what’s going to happen. Jordan’s jaw just dropped to the floor. Kevin is relieved that he can’t be put on the block.

Julie asks if he wants to take Lydia off the block, and he then puts up Natalie in her place. He is then asked about Russell, and replaces him with Jessie, who for some ungodly reason takes off one of his shirts! Julie asks if he wants to say anything to the new nominees, and he says “as I learned from both of you, this is just a game. I know you’re upset, but you guys run this house, and haven’t had the chance to feel the block. I have the power, and now you guys got to feel the pain a little bit. Enjoy.”

They both get to plead their case, though, and Natalie says that she now knows she was right to “fear this power…I can’t say anything bad about Jessie. Not only has he been a good friend, but he’s been a great ally. I would love to talk to him outside this house. I’ve been loyal in this house. There are certain people I’ve given my word to, and I have not gone back on my word.”

She goes on, but let’s move on to Jessie. “This was worst case scenario, and the best move you’ve done so far (to Jeff). Congratulations, man. I saw it coming. I’ve been loyal to everybody that I’ve talked to, and I’ve proven it in my actions (Chima nods in agreement). You got the short end of the stick because you chose the world you wanted to choose, and Jordan did the same.” Actually, a nice little speech from Jessie, although he has to be cut off by Julie.

The voting begins with Lydia, who votes to eliminate Natalie. Jordan is next, and chooses Jessie, as does Kevin and Michelle. Russell is the final vote, and his meaningless vote goes against Natalie. Interesting.

After commercials, Julie announces that Jessie has been eliminated. He hugs Natalie, Chima, and Lydia, and the house is quiet as he heads out. Oh wait, he comes back to babble some nonsense. After hugging Julie, it appears that Lydia is taking his eviction the hardest. Wait, Chima is pissed, saying that somebody (Jordan?) “knew” Jeff had the power, and that she needs to have a talk with the producers. Still, not the rage we were promised!

Julie immediately asks Jessie about the mystery power, and he babbles that since America hated him last year, they obviously would choose somebody that hated him this year. “You’re blaming America for not giving you the coup d-etat?” She then asks why he didn’t spend “tons of face time” with Jeff if he thought he had the power. Jessie’s response is that he had given him his word that he had other people he was going after. Julie pushes the issue a bit more, and complains about him sleeping 12 - 13 hours a day. Jessie says that it didn’t matter because Jeff didn’t have any power anyway. “It was (the) best move for him…it doesn’t matter as I’ll be a sports entertainer no worries (as he flexes his muscles).” Julie makes a joke about the jury house, and the reign of Jessie is officially over!


As you may expect, we end with the HOH competition, which is called “Hit the Road”. Two people at a time face off with questions about previous competitions, and the answers are either “HOH”, “Have Not”, or “Veto”. The winner of a round causes the loser to be eliminated, and then picks the next two people to play. Yeah, we’ve seen variations of this in previous seasons.

Lydia and Kevin are up first, and Kevin is correct and chooses Jeff and Russell (with a little help from Chima). Russell is incorrect on the next round, so Jeff chooses Chima and Natalie. Chima is correct, and chooses Jeff and Jordan to play. Jeff is correct, and chooses Kevin and Chima. Kevin is right this time around, and Michelle and Jeff are up next. Michelle wins this round, and goes up against Kevin for HOH. Michelle answers correctly, and wins HOH! (Has she now won the most competitions?)

So there we go - not as many fireworks as we expected, but still pretty exciting!

Tuesday
Aug112009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 15 Recap

Welcome to Filler Tuesday! I don’t expect a lot from tonight’s episode, as we’re bound to primarily see footage of movie night, Chima’s dream of a “Girl Alliance”, and lots of speculation as to who has the “mystery power”.

Oh yeah, we’ll also see the ramifications of Chima’s nominations of Russell and Lydia, along with a veto competition supposedly involving chicken costumes, and a veto ceremony. Seriously, though, this will all be pretty anticlimactic material.

So here we go with the reactions to Chima’s nominations. Lydia says that she does believe Chima’s real target is Russell, but “Russell could really lay on the schmoozing to the other house guests and I could be going home.” Russell makes a crack to everybody about how his own team nominated him, and he explains in the diary room how this nomination means his alliance with Chima, Natalie, and Jessie is over.

Chima is in one of the bedrooms, and Natalie and Jessie come in to congratulate her on her nomination speech. “It was so short (but) so good, you know”, says Natalie. “It was classy.’ Like Natalie knows class.

Russell is now out in the kitchen with a clearly depressed Lydia, and he gives her a little pep talk. She says it must really suck for his alliance to turn on him. “I didn’t put any of them up last week”, he says. “I didn’t even consider it. You want to talk about backstabbing.”

Natalie and Jessie are now playing chess when Jeff is called to the diary room. Jessie is convinced Jeff has the “mystery power”, and heads into the HOH to inform Chima his belief. Natalie doesn’t think he’d even use it if he has it, and Chima also thinks he’s overreacting. In the diary room, Jessie is more coherent than usual as he describes how the only safe people are the HOH and POV winner. “That is why I want to play in the POV…you can’t play to win if you don’t get to play at all.” Natalie proclaims that she will be playing if Chima gets to choose, which doesn’t sit well with Jessie. Chima asks her who would be best to play against Russell, and Natalie points to herself. Hmmmm.

Russell is now in the “Have Not” room complaining to Jeff about how he feels betrayed, and that he wants to now be on Jeff’s team. “Give me a chance and I’ll come on your team, and it will be a big fuck you to them. We‘ll pick off every single one of them. I was never, ever at any point going to take out you or Jordan.” Jeff responds that if one of them wins next week, they have to go after them. He agrees to work with Russell, but he has to work with them. In the diary room, Jeff adds that by using the mystery power, he could take out a “big dog” (cut to Jessie and Natalie) and that would change the game.

In the diary room, Russell says that he’s going to “try to mend some fences”, and we see him playing pool with Michelle. She giggles a bit before asking him what he wants from her. He says that Ronnie’s remarks didn’t represent him, and were wrong. It backfires, though, as he brings up the situation with her and Chima. “I can’t stand people who won’t admit when they’re wrong.” She claims that she doesn’t remember things well, despite her PhD. Finally, she storms off in a huff right up to the HOH to report the conversation to Chima and Natalie. “Because I can’t repeat a conversation verbatim, I’m the liar.”

Chima uses the opportunity to bring up her “girl’s alliance” idea, but they’re not to bring in Lydia until Russell is gone. (Funny how that conversation is cut much, much shorter than how it happened.) When Michelle comes back out of the HOH, Russell yells up to her, “what’s up, nutcase?” They go back and forth again, and Russell says in the diary room that she’s a “complete idiot”.

“Ronnie was right on everything. You need medicine.” Again, they go back and forth about lying and needing medication. “You need to start respecting women”, Michelle yells before waling away. “Russell is an expletive”, says Chima in the diary room. “Fill in the blank, America.” (You probably won’t guess what word she actually used the past few days.)

After commercials, it’s time to pick players for the POV competition. Chima pulls out Natalie’s name, which makes her happy. Russell gets “house guest choice”, and upsets Jessie by choosing Jeff. “By picking Jeff, I definitely exposed an alliance with him…and let everybody know that I closed the door on my old alliance.” Lydia also grabs “house guest choice”, and instead of Jessie she chooses Kevin. “I picked Kevin to play because Kevin will use the veto on me if he wins it.” Oh yeah? Chima chooses Michelle to host the competition. Jessie adds in the diary room that Russell’s choice of Jeff means the “end of the road” for their relationship.

They head outside to a backyard full of chickens, hay, eggs, bacon and other farm materials. Yes, they’re all dressed in chicken costumes. They have to pick up eggs and pull them up through a fence, and then carry the egg across a plank. The first player to get 12 eggs into their egg stand wins the veto.

As usual, there’s no reason for a play-by-play of the activities, especially as it’s a pretty tedious game. Kevin does well, Natalie doesn’t. Jeff’s taking his time to figure out the best method. It really comes down between Kevin, Lydia, and Russell, and finally the game ends with Kevin as the victor despite Russell‘s best effort to rattle him! “It is so about time that Kevin finally wins something in Big Brother“ he says. “Go Kevin! Go Kevin!” He says he’d like to use the veto on Lydia, but he really has to think about himself first. Russell is obviously disappointed, and says he has to come up with a new strategy.

After commercials, Kevin and Lydia are celebrating with a silly little dance. “So you’re so good. You’re staying, it’s no question.” Lydia is not real happy to hear that he may not use it on her. “If you were me, what would you do.” He tells her that they need to think long-term, and that Chima does not want her to go home. Kevin says he’s caught because for the first time he may make some enemies.

In the bedroom, Russell is again thinking about working up a new plan. He pulls Jessie into the storage room, and tells him that his only chance to win is if he’s in the final two with him. “Chima’s got control of all the women. Jeff‘s gunning for you.” Wow, selling out his own team. Jessie is non-committal, and complains about how he didn’t choose him for the veto. “I’m still worried about this mystery power.” Too bad they didn’t show Jessie’s reaction after Russell left the storage room (they cut away just a second before he muttered about twice screwing him over).

Now Jessie is in the bathroom with Jeff, telling him that he needs to know that he has people behind him. Jessie asks why Russell would choose him if the he was supposed to be Jessie’s best friend. “Maybe he felt betrayed or something.” Jessie then informs Jeff of the discussion about still banding together to go after Jeff. We hear Jessie talk in the diary room, but I really don’t know what he’s saying except that he doesn’t want to go this week.

Jessie is now in the HOH with Jordan, and informs her of the storage room conversation with Russell. “Jordan and Jeff are a pair”, exclaims Jessie. “If you tell one of them one thing, you have to tell the other the same damned story.” That’s actually pretty smart for Jessie, but the same can be said of him and Natalie. Jordan is sort of buying the story, although she says in the diary room that she doesn’t trust Jessie. “I don’t think he has my best interests. I think he’d throw me under the bus in a heart beat.” Talk moves to the mystery power, and Jordan thinks that Michelle has it (but hopes it’s Jeff).

Of course, she heads right back outside to inform Jeff that “they’re freaking out over the wizard thing”. Jeff points out that Jessie is being nice to her to ensure that Russell leaves. She asks who should be put up next week, and Jeff says that he’d “love to see Natalie against Jessie”. Oh boy!

It’s close to movie time, and Jordan and Chima are complaining about how long Jessie is spending in the shower. Russell complains that she’s a “brave little soldier who thinks she’s braver than they really are.” Uh oh. In the diary room, he complains that she’s a “complete bitch. She’s the most arrogant, self-centered person I’ve ever met.” Chima walks out of the bathroom complaining, and finally after a crack about her applying for America’s Top Model, she yells that he should “have been on America’s Top Terrorist!”

Yeah, you know what happens here. They yell back and forth - Russell yelling about her using racial slurs and her complaining that he “terrorizes everybody in the house”. Michelle sticks up for her, while the rest of the house just looks on. “You’re so mad that a woman is sending you home”, yells Chima, and continues on with the terrorist comments. “Grow a pair, and go home!”

It’s finally product placement time, as the winners (Jessie, Natalie, Russell, Jordan, and Chima) get to see the Jeremy Piven movie. Chima and Russell throw a few barbs at each other before the movie starts, but once it begins they’re all happy and just love it! (Of course they do!)

Afterwards, Russell sits outside with Lydia. She informs him that Kevin isn’t going to use the veto on her. “I guess Kevin thinks Chima is a better friend than I am.” Russell fans it a bit, saying that he’d use the veto on her. Lydia admits in the diary room that Russell has made some good points, and then we see Kevin come out to ask if she indeed informed Russell of that decision. He‘s not happy. “If I wanted Russell and the whole house to know, I would have told them.”

They move into one of the bedroom, and he again complains of her talking about his potential plans. “I’m actually looking out for you in the long run.” He then angrily says that he’ll use it on her, but she’ll end up being fucked. Again, we hear about how Kevin doesn’t want to anger anybody in the house.

It’s finally veto ceremony time. After staring at the wall of pictures, along with babbling from the nominees (and others), Kevin calls everybody into the house. Russell goes first, and just says that he doesn’t expect him to use it on him since Lydia is his friend. Lydia tells him how much she loves him, and that “it would be nice if you used it”. Kevin shatters her dream, though, by saying he’s not going to use it.

Lydia complains that she didn’t like what he said about not being a strain on their relationship. “How couldn’t it? I would have used it on Kevin. It really makes me rethink how I feel about him.” Russell knows his only hope is the mystery power. Jessie complains about the mystery power (again). “Thanks a lot, America.” Jeff ends the show by talking about how he has “free reign” over the house this week. “I’ll choose who I want out of here on Thursday.”

See you on Thursday for what could be the show of the season!

Monday
Aug102009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 14 Recap

When we left Thursday’s CBS broadcast of Big Brother, Chima had just won HOH and was celebrating as only she can - by cackling at her own jokes. Will she get that lotion she so desires? Will she fulfill Ronnie’s wish and nominate Russell? We’ll find out tonight, along with a promotional appearance by Jeremy Piven to try to convince us that The Good is a worthwhile movie (good luck on that).

After the lengthy recap (including Ronnie‘s fart while talking about class), we proceed with a replay of Ronnie’s diatribe against Michelle, who says he’s just “bitter because he didn’t even make it to the jury house. The Big Brother Encyclopedia didn’t even make it past week four”.

Lydia is happy that she survived, but is bummed out that Jessie may not have voted for her. Jeff throws out a couple of clichés when describing how happy he is that the “rat” is finally gone, while Jessie says that his elimination throws a “wrench in the plans. We lost a wingman.” He keeps going, but it’s hard to follow what he’s saying. Kevin also has some strong words, as he tends to do only when he knows nobody can hear him.

After Ronnie’s exit, Kevin tries to inform Michelle that Ronnie’s anger is only because she was the swing vote. Russell is happy that Ronnie’s gone, but the fact that Chima, Jessie and Natalie didn’t vote his way shows they’re not loyal to him. Kevin says that he thought Ronnie had the mystery power, and Jeff says he didn’t use it because he knew Ronnie was leaving.

We then move on to Chima’s win in the HOH competition. Chima babbles a bit about how happy she is that herself, Jessie, and Natalie are safe, and the fact that Russell had to hand him the HOH key is “sweet revenge, baby”. Russell knows that he’s going to have to “kiss some major ass” this week, while Lydia knows that she’ll be nominated for the third time because her best friend is Natalie, “my arch nemesis”. Jeff warns in the diary room that she shouldn’t be too excited, since the coup d’etat means he has the upper hand this week.

Almost everybody is now in the kitchen, and Chima jokes about drawing names out of the hat for the nominations. The mystery power comes up again, and Jordan says that they’re just calling it the “wizard” power. Natalie, the expert of everything, informs the house exactly what the mystery power entails. Jeff says he’s going to “use it wisely”.

Michelle and Lydia are now talking in the bedroom, and Lydia thinks the nominees will be the two of them. In another bedroom, Chima is telling Natalie that the only safe people are her and Jessie. Natalie is hinting at who she wants put up, but Chima doesn’t believe Jeff and Jordan are after her. Natalie also points out how strong Russell is, but he wouldn’t put up her or Chima the following week if he wins HOH.

And now the Princess gets her HOH key, and the usual babbling about the pictures occurs. We’ll just skip this segment, as we always do. Everybody finally leaves, and Michelle says she hopes that people other than herself are the targets. Her and Chima have a conversation that really leads to nowhere except that Chima wants a “girl’s alliance”.

After a commercial break, Chima and Russell are chatting in the HOH. Russell says he’s trying to mend fences, and apologizes for what happened earlier in the week. He attempts to say that he would never put her up due to “personal issues”, but Chima says she has a hard time trusting him. Uh oh, this conversation gets heated when Michelle’s name comes up. They hug, but Chima says again in the diary room that she doesn’t trust him, but keeping him may be in her best interest.

It’s now filler time, as Jordan and Jeff watch a spider. Jordan wants to know how spiders make webs, and Jeff thinks they come of their “wrist, like Spiderman”. Um, ok. She also wants to know how they mate, “like horses do it from behind”. Oh boy.

We move on to Chima chatting with Jessie, Jeff, Michelle, Natalie, and Kevin about being raped by a serial killer. She says the aftermath of that attack proved to herself about how strong she is. Everybody is obviously blown away by her story. Kevin says she has a whole new “respect” for her because she can still act cheerful and happy despite her ordeal. Jeff pretty much says the same thing.

Now we move on to Jeff and Jordan in one of the bedrooms, and Jordan thinks the two of them are going up. Jeff doesn’t believe it, and asks why Russell wouldn’t be the one put up. Jordan gets into bed with Jeff, and tells him she thinks Michelle has the mystery power. Jeff assures her that Lydia and Russell are going up, with Michelle the replacement. He says in the diary room that it’s hard to not tell her he has the mystery power. “We’re going to be fine.”

It’s now time to sell a bad movie. Everybody is lounging around the house when the doorbell rings. They all sprint to find Jeremy Piven! He brings them all into the living room, and Jeff is more than excited that one of his “top eight” is in the house. Chima’s also excited about his “great energy”. Piven asks the house who they think will be the first one to “lose it”, and then immediately points to Lydia (to great laughter). “God bless you, because I’ve been here for all of eleven minutes, and I’m about to have an emotional breakdown.”

He also asks if there’s been any hooking up, and Jordan’s eyes dart right to Jeff. What about Lydia and Jessie? Lydia says she laid on top of Kevin, so Piven asks if “Big Brother made you straight?” Piven then says that there will be a luxury competition, and the winner will see his new movie, The Goods.

The trailer is then shown, and of course they’re all excited by it. Piven adds that one winner will also get a big cash prize. “They seemed like a bunch of really nice kids”, Piven adds in the diary room. “I don’t think I could last very long at all. I think I would go completely insane.”

We’re led to believe that everybody immediately went outside for the competition (actually, it was held hours later), and Jessie asks how they’re going to meet up with him “on the other side”. Oh, Jessie.

The backyard is set up like a used car lot, and Chima describes it like an episode of Sanford and Son. They have to split up into two teams, but Jeff is bummed that Jordan’s not on his team. To win the game, they have to fill their car with as much junk as possible, and also file into the front seat. All of the “goods” have price tags which are then used to compile the point totals. Chima doesn’t play, but by choosing a team she gets to share in their rewards. Obviously, she picks Jessie’s team because, as Natalie claims, “we’re winners”.

The game begins, and again there’s no reason for a play by play. Ok, Jordan is precious when she describes that a seventeen-point bear is better than something that’s only ten or eleven points. Really? They all finally squeeze into their cars as time expires, and Jeff’s team ends up with 399 points. Jordan’s team, though, beats them with 410 points. Jeff, Kevin, Lydia, and Michelle are on slop, while the rest get to see Piven’s movie. Jordan’s teddy bear is the deciding factor!

For the big payday, the five winners have to grab envelopes with “commission” checks, and the highest check wins. Russell’s check is for ten grand, so he’s the winner!

After another commercial break, we see Jessie half-sleeping in the bathroom couch. Lydia crawls on top of him, and he complains he can’t breathe. She jumps off him, and storms off. Lydia says in the diary room that even though he voted to evict her, she’s going to still be his friend. As Lydia picks her feet next to Jessie, Natalie swoops in to grab him to go sleep in the HOH. Yeah, Lydia’s not happy.

Jessie and Natalie are now in the HOH, and when Jessie comes in Natalie immediately starts questioning him about what Lydia told him. Natalie wants a hug, and when he does she tells him to “go hug Lydia next”. She also goes off on how Lydia is after her, and he should remember that whenever he talks to her. He says that she needs to let him do what he needs to do (oh boy), and after they survive the week he’ll stop talking to her forever. It’s so hard to be Jessie.

Jessie heads downstairs, and for some reason we get harp music as we see footage of both Jessie and Natalie lying around apart from each other. As Natalie falls asleep, Jessie returns to apologize. “You guys are all I have.” Natalie picks up exactly where they left off before, and Chima chimes in how they don’t trust Lydia.

It’s now nomination time, and you know the drill here. Everybody talks about how worried they are as we watch Chima look at the picture wall and insert keys into the nomination box. Chima says her nominations are based on “personal and strategic reasons”, keeping in mind the people who have betrayed her.

She calls everybody in for the ceremony, and the first key drawn is Natalie (big surprise), followed by Jessie, Kevin, Michelle, Jordan, and Jeff. The nominees are Russell and Lydia! Chima says it should be no surprise that Russell is on the block because she doesn’t trust him. Lydia is told that she’s up because she doesn’t want her to vote for him. (What?)

Lydia jokes that “mama bear Chima is protecting her little baby bear Natalie, and they’re coming after the lone wolf Lydia. Very predictable.” Russell says he has “so much built up anger inside right now that I want to unleash on a couple of people. But I’m not going to do that…I’m going to kiss some ass and try to win people over with kindness.” Good luck with that.

Jessie adds that he’s worried about the “mystical wand power” (what?)..’wizard man”…”mystical being”…”the unicorn that’s going to come out of nowhere and say you’re gone. Go home.” Jeff adds that he has the ultimate decision on who goes home this week.

And that’s it for tonight’s episode. See you Tuesday!

Thursday
Aug062009

Big Brother - Season 11, Episode 13 Recap

Welcome to what could possibly be the most explosive BB episode of the season so far. We have the possible eviction of either Lydia or Ronnie, and either one could be extremely entertaining. There’s also the added drama of the “mystery power”, and imagine if either of the nominees were the recipients (highly doubtful, though). We’re also bound to see footage of the various fights of the last two evenings, although producers are going to have a tough time editing hours of potential footage into one or two short segments.

So here we go with the aftermath of Michelle declining to use the POV. Michelle says she was happy to not use the veto, as taking Lydia down would not guarantee Ronnie’s departure. Jordan explains the obvious - that all they need are four votes to eliminate Ronnie, who adds that Michelle’s not using the veto shows she has “no loyalty” to anybody. He admits he doesn’t know if he has the votes to stay.

Kevin heads outside to a depressed Lydia, who tells him that he may want to “avoid me like the plague”. As always, he gives her a pep talk.

Michelle and Jordan are now sitting outside talking about books, and an annoyed Russell walks by and asks if he interrupted their conversation. He says in the diary room that he doesn’t believe they were talking about books, and then asks Jordan what they were really talking about. She jokes that she can tell he thinks she’s “scheming” about him, and Russell says in the diary room he needs to find out “what’s going down”.

We jump back to the HOH, and Russell is grilling Michelle about the conversation. Michelle tries to laugh it off, and adds that Jessie, Chima, and Natalie want him out. Uh oh. She then makes the mistake of telling him about meetings she had with that crowd, and that he shouldn’t trust Chima because he’s a liar. Russell then goes off on Chima about how jealous she always is of other girls talking to him.

Now Jessie is in the HOH with Russell, and he asks when Jessie was going to inform him of Chima’s backdoor plan. “Chima would have to have the power to do that”, Jessie explains, and when pressed he adds that he’s never heard Chima say anything like that. Russell then throws out Michelle’s name as his source.

Natalie is now with Jessie and Russell outside, and Russell complains that he doesn’t know who is lying to him. Yeah, we know where this headed now that Natalie is involved. Russell sends Natalie off to grab Chima for a conversation, which she is more than happy to do. Of course, she also fills in Chima just exactly why he wants to talk, and tells her to play nice even though “we want him out in the long run”.

Chima finally heads upstairs, and the anger is automatically transferred to Michelle. “Bring her in here”, demands Chima. She heads down to grab her, and Michelle immediately knows there’s trouble. Michelle says that the backdoor story is NOT true, which sets Russell off. “You just said she wants to win HOH so she can backdoor you!” Michelle explains that she thought the two of them were a team, and “that we’d share information with each other and not the entire house”. Chima denies saying anything, and all three just end up going back and forth (as usual).

Chima, though, is offended that Russell says he doesn’t care what she has to say, and this makes her think that HE is lying to her. He storms out of the room, calling them “debases”, and then the two of them start screaming at each other while the house looks on. They are literally in each other’s faces, and after it heads outside it carries on even louder. “Her mouth was going 90 miles a minute…that girl is sassy”, Jordan says.

After Chima heads back inside, Russell yells that she needs to “act her age”. Uh oh, here’s round two! Michelle and Natalie pull Chima back, and in the bedroom Chima says that while Russell wasn’t her target before, he is now. “It’s season of the rat, part two”, says Michelle as the segment finally ends.

When we return from commercials, it’s time for Ronnie to work the house. He says to Jessie, though, that he knows he’s going home, and that “I accept it”. Yet, in the diary room, he explains that all he needs are four vote, and he has three. He thinks that Jordan may feel sorry for him, and toss him a sympathy vote. Jessie is skeptical, but encourage him to try.

Unfortunately for Ronnie, Jeff has high hopes of playing the “romance card”. Cue the sexy, porn-ish background music. “I’ve been looking forward to kissing her, and tonight is the night”. Sure enough, we hear their lips. Jordan says he’s a good kisser - “he’s not sloppy, wet”.

Sure enough, here comes Ronnie. “I’m the houseguest who refuses to leave.” Bad timing, you silly man, as Jordan and Jeff continue to kiss. Sure enough, he talks about how humble and full of class he is, although a fart noise interrupts his speech. Sure enough, it was Ronnie who farted. He begins begging for a sympathy vote, and Jeff laughs in the diary room that he was working on Jordan while Ronnie was working on them. “I can’t say the word, but Ronnie is one of those guys who stops you from doing something with a lady, if you know what I mean.”

Silliness finished, we move on to Julie’s interview with the house. She comments on Lydia’s hideous eye makeup, but says her first question is for Jordan. Yeah, you know what’s coming here. Oh wait, she’s asking about the Chima/Russell fight! She says all she could think about was to “stay out of the way”. Oh, you really are a precious angel. “It was very entertaining.”

Julie moves on to Michelle, and asks her about the mood of the house. “I think the house is definitely divided”, she replies. You think? “It’s tense tonight.” Julie asks if it’s never not tense, and of course that’s right.

Ugh, we move on to Jessie, and his first ever week on slop. Did America’s gift of squid and squash help at all? “It helped for like the first three days, and that’s it.” Ugh. He reminds us again that he’s a body builder, so he can eat anything for more than seven days.

Russell is in the HOH when we return, and Julie begins by asking him if his emotions got the better of him. He agrees, and he goes on about how it was a moment where everybody snapped. Julie then asks about how he will deal with the backlash, and he admits it will be tricky. He then kisses her ass about how beautiful she is, and Julie says that won’t help him win the game. The final question is which of the two - Jeff or Jessie - will be the better ally. He really doesn’t answer, as expected.

Julie then moves on to the coup d’etat vote, and after 12 million votes it’s time to tell us who won. No surprise, it’s Jeff!!! Unfortunately, he can’t pronounce “coup d’etat” as he reads the instructions on the car. “This is crazy. I love it!”

It’s now time to return to the house, and Julie asks the house if the “coup-holder” wants to use it. Nobody stands up, so we move on to the final speeches. Lydia goes first, and babbles about being blessed and grateful.

Ronnie then stands up, and immediately starts crying as he thanks those who cast him because “being in this house is an absolute dream come true for me on so many levels.” He thanks Jessie for helping him lose twenty pounds in the house, and then says that when people go vote they need to decide who will help them get to the end. He ends it by saying that his wife told him he needs to see the good in everyone, and that he does see it in everybody but Michelle. “I have come to believe, and I wanted to say some very truthful things but I’m going to be nice, that you’re the worst human being I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting. And I absolutely feel sorry for you.” Ugh! Double ugh!!!

Julie cracks that she doesn’t think he’ll be getting a vote from Michelle, and the voting indeed begins with Kevin. He votes to evict Ronnie, but Natalie votes to evict Lydia in hopes of a “miracle”. Chima is up next, and votes to evict Lydia. It’s 2 - 1 in favor of Ronnie!!! Nice planning by CBS!

After another commercial break, Jessie also votes against Lydia. Michelle, though, votes to evict Ronnie, as does Jeff and Jordan. (Gotta love Jordan being the deciding vote.) When the announcement is made, Ronnie hugs everybody but Michelle, who cries out he had no “ill will” towards him. “Be quiet…and scene!” he yells as he walks out.

Everybody is pretty subdued as we wait for the interview, and Julie does indeed start by asking his rant against Michelle. “She has no absolute loyalty to anybody in that house other than her”, he explains. God, I wish I was doing this interview. “I made a miscalculation of trusting her last week...and she absolutely flipped on me the minute I was nominated.”

Julie does throw a somewhat tough question at him regarding whether the same could be said of him. Come on, you know it’s “different” when it’s for Ronnie’s benefit. “The difference between Michelle and myself is that I have ultimate loyalty to Jessie, Natalie, and Chima…Michelle would ultimately betray anybody.” He babbles on about “actions”, as he had from day one. He brags that when she refused to see the logic of keeping him, he “put the vice on” her to try to sway her vote. Ugh.

The goodbye messages start with Kevin telling him that “he got what he deserved”. Jessie tells him that he’s awesome, and Russell says that it was a “strategic move”. Chima also says he’s awesome, and vows to get Russell for him. Michelle immediately says how much she hates him. “You lied to me; you manipulated me; backstabbed me over and over. Get the heck out the door, you dork.” Good riddance.

It’s now time for the HOH competition, and as expected it’s a questions comp. We see footage from last night of viewer messages to the house, and everybody’s reactions to the silliness. Sure enough, the competition (“Say What?”) are true/false questions about these messages. I’m not going to replay each question, but on the first question Lydia and Michelle are eliminated. Everybody answers the next question correctly, but on the following round Jessie is eliminated. Jordan and Jeff are the next to go out, leaving Natalie, Chima, and Kevin. Looks like Jeff will have to use his mystery power. Chima is the only one with the correct answer on the next question, and wins HOH! Will she do as she promised to Ronnie?

We return one last time to the house, as Chima squeals her happiness, and thanks Ronnie for the study group they had about the messages. As always, she laughs at her own joke when she replies “lotion” to Julie’s question about what she’s looking forward to receiving as HOH. This is going to be an interesting week. The final question is whether she looks forward to the power or luxuries more. No surprise, it’s the power and safety.

Wait, we’re not done. We get a viewer question for Lydia about what kind of tattoo she’d get to depict her time on Big Brother. “It would be a gigantic key with ‘11’ inscrolled on the top of it, maybe with Kevin‘s name on it since he‘s my sugar bear.” Kevin is then asked who he thinks needs a makeover the most, and he answers with Natalie. (Duh!)

Filler time is now completed, and the show is over. See you on Sunday!