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Entries in Episode Recap (107)

Wednesday
Jul182012

Big Brother #14, Episode 3 Recap

I almost forgot there was a Big Brother broadcast tonight, as the day my furniture was to be delivered has finally arrived! Yes, no more sitting on boxes watching on a tiny kitchen TV. I spent the last three hours re-hooking my surround sound stereo system when I noticed that we were only a few minutes away from the telecast. Oops!

It’s no secret what we’re going to see tonight. There will be a veto competition and a veto ceremony. That’s the important stuff, and will be fleshed out with plenty of scenes featuring Willie and Britney plotting and growing more paranoid by the minute. Oh yeah, some awful diary room lines from Joe, and it’s safe to say there will be more Ian silliness.

As always, the show commences with the reactions to the supposedly shocking nominations of Frank and Kara. Guess what? Neither are happy with these developments. “I’m completely blindsided”, says Frank, who had a side deal set up with Willie. Boogie says that while lying is a part of Big Brother, the one thing you don’t want to do is “lie to me”. Oh please.

Dan walks into the bedroom to console Kara, and admits he’s worried that he’ll be down to only one player. Dan promises to do everything he can to save her. “You know who your coach is, right? I’m not going to let that happen.”

Meanwhile, Wil, Britney, Willie, and Janelle are celebrating their big move. Janelle had noticed Boogie’s “Chilltown, population 2” shirt, and claims that it means him and Dan. “Boogie is like such a tool box…he thinks he’s the best player in this game and his ego is enormous.”

Boogie, though, is consoling Frank, saying that in the past the first girl nominated goes into a shell. “Let her cry.” He advises him to become friends with Willie, and not act mad at the nomination. “The biggest thing is to make the house feel comfortable.” Jenn, who was sitting in on the conversation, says that this will be helpful to when she is nominated.

Now Frank is talking to Willie, who admits that he believes Boogie is gunning for him. Frank is not happy with the coach’s influence on the players, as the game is supposedly theirs to win or lose. “I’m not worried about Boogie winning or losing.” Frank adds that he wants the two of them to go deep in the game. “Don’t worry about Boogie.”

The action moves upstairs, where Britney and Janelle are figuring out who should go home. “It’s a tossup.” Britney believes they have the ultimate influence in the house, and Janelle is also gloating. They’re both a bit sickening in their cockiness. “Cheers to a great first week.”

Dan and Boogie are also talking, and Boogie says that he thought Frank was going to be the last key. Dan states the obvious by saying “Team Blonde is actually a reality.” You think? Boogie points out in the diary room that the two men are the two winners in the house, and it would be embarrassing for either of them to leave before Janelle and Britney. “The girls are kind of the also-rans…I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

After a commercial break, its filler time as Ian has a stupid human trick. He is able to kick himself in the head. Yes, that’s his great party trick. Um, yeah. He thinks that doing silly stuff like this will keep him around.

With the shits and grins segment over, it’s time to pick players for the veto competition. Um, Dan, I think most people have seen the show before. We do know how vetos work. Willie pulls out Daniele’s name, which pleases Kara, who pulls out Shane’s name. Frank’s pick is Wil, and Boogie is pissed that “nothing is going my way”. Willie chooses JoJo to be the host.

Before we get to the competition, Kara pulls Shane into the have-not room to talk strategy. Too bad Shane is hoping for something different, as when “you’re alone you never know what can happen”. Oh, you silly tool. She wants to know if he’ll use the veto if he wins, and he is kind of non-committal.  Wait a second here. Did he just tell Kara that he doesn’t see her as a threat??? Nice work, shell boy!

Shane is next approached by Frank, and they both compliment on how awesome they both look. “You’re jacked, dude.” Yet, just like he said to Kara, he doesn’t want to piss off Willie if he does win the veto. Frank is a bit hopeful, though, and says that if he does win and use it that is a big indication of how they can trust each other.

Oh boy, Boogie is now on his way to the HOH room to talk to Britney. He wants to see just how tight her and Janelle are, and it’s a pretty tense chat. “Here it is day 6, and Mike Boogie finally decides to introduce himself”, Britney says in the diary room. Boogie lets her know that he thinks she has full control of Willie, which she denies, and says he’d love to see somebody like Joe replace Frank on the block. “Are Janelle’s people off limits”, he asks Britney, who obviously denies it. He lets her know that if Jenn ends up replacing Frank, he’ll know what the real story is here. Britney claims his “little tactics don’t rattle me. I thought he was supposed to be good at this game.”

As you may expect, Britney runs right to Janelle, who obviously isn’t surprised that Boogie tried to intimidate her. By the way, is Janelle on medication? Her voice is almost in slow motion. Britney is proud of herself that her “smear campaign” against Boogie seems to be working.

Britney leaves the room and is immediately replaced by Boogie, who now wants to go after Dan’s remaining players so there are just the three judges left with three players. Guess what Janelle’s reaction is to this conversation? Yeah, I’m tired of Janelle bitching about her big secret crush.

Oh Lord, now Janelle runs to Dan and narcs off Boogie. Yep, this stupid show is really going to be all about the judges. Here we have 11 new players, and we have yet to meet any of them except for Willie and Frank (to a lesser extent). The others have been extras in this dumb soap opera. I thought they were just advisors!

More filler after the break, as Jojo is frightening me with her Long Island accent. It’s time to just skip it.

But wait, now Jojo is in a tiny bikini as she announces it is time for the veto comp. They all head out to see a backyard of washing machines, laundry, and tons of soap suds. Jojo claims that she’s the perfect host because “where I come from, we know a thing or two about laundry”. What does that even mean?

So to win the veto, the players need to find $1.30. Coins are hidden in the suds, and as they find them they must throw them into the vending machine. The first to get exactly $1.30 wins!

Just like this past Sunday, Daniele gave some running commentary, but I can’t understand anything she says. Wil, Kara, Willie, and Daniele have problems tossing the coins into the slot, making this a competition between Shane and Frank. A pile of dollar coins is found by Frank, but he constantly misses. Finally Willie steals some of his stash, and all three are at $1.25 (I think). They’re all looking for a nickel coin, and Shane narrowly makes it ahead of Willie!

After yet another commercial break, Shane is seen celebrating with Willie, Britney, and Jojo. “My boys killed it”, says Jojo. “We’re definitely by far the strongest team.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it as they all proclaim themselves so unstoppable. Britney spills the beans to Shane about what Boogie earlier told her, and that he can’t use the veto. Shane claims in the diary room that he’s not so sure what he’s going to do.

Shane then heads into the have-not room to talk to Dan and shiny-knees Kara. Again, he states that while he wants to save Kara, he is still worried about pissing off Willie. A similar conversation is held with Frank. Why didn’t they just replay the earlier footage? It’s the same conversation! Oh wait, there is one difference, as Boogie also has a chat with Shane.

It’s the moment of truth, as Shane heads to the wall of keys and repeats the same garbage he has said at least three times earlier tonight. Frank and Kara also do a passable job at reading the standard pre-veto script. The crew is brought in, and Kara’s plea is that she’s “shy”. Hmmm, interesting. Frank just says if he’s pulled off the block “appreesh”. What???

After the requisite dramatic pause, Shane decides…to NOT use the veto. Yeah, what a shocker. He says he doesn’t want any “blood on his hands”, and they both promise to fight to get the votes needed to stay in the house. Oh yeah, and Dan says Boogie is “untrustworthy”.

So that’s it for tonight’s show. What did you think of the focus on the coaches? Would you like to see more of the noobs besides Willie and Frank? Where was Jenn and the others tonight? Who will go home? Let us know your thoughts!

Sunday
Jul152012

Big Brother #14, Episode 2 Recap

So this past Thursday we were reacquainted with four so-called “legends” and twelve newbies, one of which left before we even had a chance to say hello. Did we really learn anything about any of these people, though? Sixteen people spread over 42 minutes of actual broadcast time really doesn’t give us much to work with except for the fact that Willie Hantz is related to some Survivor goon. Apparently, that’s like a Beatle entering the house, but since I don’t watch that show it was a waste of precious screen time for the rest of the cast.

Tonight, we’ll hopefully get to learn a bit more about this “ragged company”. (Ten points to anybody who catches that lyrical gem.) Is there a personality to be found in this house? Are Joe’s eyes as frightening as they appear? Most importantly to some of my friends, is Ian every bit the superfan’s hopes we’ve been made to believe? (I vote no.)

And…here we go! Oh Lord, they go over the top in their descriptions of the noobs AND “legends”. Of course, we have to recap the Hantz bullshit. ENOUGH!!! Two minutes in, and I’m already annoyed!

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Now we have to spend MORE time recapping Jodi’s eviction! Dan claims he kicked out Jodi because his other two team members, Daniele and Kara, get along. Interesting, and kind of makes sense.

With Jodi gone, everybody disperses, and Boogie tries to make a joke. Tries is the key word. Yes, Wil, we know the “game has begun”. Daniele and Kara hug, and Kara says they immediately hit if off. Daniele adds something in the diary room, but I can’t figure out a word she says.

Boogie doesn’t waste any time, and he goes to Dan and asks him if he’s “ready to Will it up”. I have a feeling it’s going to be like Will is indeed in the house this season, as Boogie’s entire Big Brother life exists because of Dr. Will. BTW, CBS, quit attempting to create trending topics. It’s boring and inept.

Meanwhile, Janelle tells Britney that the boys are working together, and because they’ve both been played they should work the “Girl Power” angle to get rid of Dan. “They thrive on chaos.”

HOH room reveal – I’ll skip ahead. Nothing to see here that’s any way interesting.

Ok, now Ian is in his boxers reveling in being in the house. He claims he’s going to investigate every inch of the house. Upstairs, the coaches and Willie watch him as he goofs around the house. Britney wonders if he remembers he’s on live streams, and they completely lose it when Ian crawls under a couch. “So weird!”

Now it’s Britney’s turn to make some deals. She has a bunch of people in the HOH, and she tells Willie that in the first week everybody will vote what the HOH wants. Oh really? If her team and Janelle’s team vote as a block, they’ll get out the person they want. Janelle claims that Dan’s fave player of all time is Boogie, so “of course, those two will work together”.  Willie adds that he’s going to be a big target because they believe he’s Russell’s brother…which he then admits to those in the room that is true.

Finally, the deal is supposedly made. My Lord, that took forever.

Oh wait, there’s more, as Janelle brings in the rest of her team to repeat the same plan. Cue Billy Preson’s “Will It Go Round in Circles”! Oh God, Joe is clearly the guy who will speak in the diary room in a way he NEVER speaks in the house. Make it stop!

After the first commercial break, everybody is hanging out outside, and Willie decides to try to get more people into his alliance. He brings Frank up into the HOH, who informs Willie that he has had no strategy conversations with his coach, Boogie. Willie thinks the two of them are similar, and he wants a deal that he won’t put him up next week, no matter what Boogie advises. “I’m here to play my game. I’m not here to play Boogie’s game.” Willie claims to be sold.

Ian is now seen walking into a room of people listening to Janelle babble about her baby. He’s clearly not comfortable, and Janelle calls him a “creeper…he has this weird thing where he can’t stop moving”. We see a montage of most of the girls (and Wil) making similar comments. Oh Lord, he even streaks.

Now Boogie and Frank are talking early one morning, and Boogie asks if he’s worried about being nominated. Frank claims on a scale of 1-10 he’s only at a one. Boogie says he’s impressed because Frank has reached out to Willie. Actually, it pains me to say this but Boogie actually makes sense.

The house is then brought into the living room for a Julie Chen announcement that there is a coach’s competition to save one of their player’s from nomination for the week. Britney knows she’s in trouble as she has the “strength of a three year-old”. This competition also will determine the week’s have-nots.

This competition is described by Ashleigh as “like Preakness…” and I can’t understand another word she says. The coaches come out with outfits that include stuffed horses, and each round has two coaches competing. They have to chase each other on a slippery surface and yank the tail from the other. Boogie and Britney are up first, and (FINALLY) Boogie catches up to Britney for the win.

Dan has all kinds of trouble in his round, although he claims to be throwing it, and Janelle easily beats him. Boogie versus Janelle for the final round! Oh yeah, this is revenge for season seven! Um, no. Le’ts not be silly. Janelle is indeed a beast in this comp, but eventually Boogie catches up and wins because, of course, he “wanted it more” (one of my least fave clichés ever).

Mike then gets to pick a person to be safe for the week, and after babbling for quite some time he chooses Ian. Boogie’s reasoning is because his weirdness has made people uncomfortable, while Jenn has stepped up her social game and Frank is “the most popular guy in the house”.

All of the coaches must now make a have-not pick, which doesn’t make them happy. Britney chooses Shane, Dan goes for Daniele, Janelle chooses Ashley, and Boogie’s pick is Ian. Now I must beg CBS to stop Joe from his asinine diary room scripts! The segment ends with the house being shown the slop and horrific have-not beds.

Janelle and Britney are now seen in the HOH, and Willie is asked if Dan has talked to them at all. Willie says that making Ian safe is screwing up his plans. They scheme about who Dan and Boogie don’t want to lose the most from their teams, and Kara and Frank’s names come up. Both girls think he’s the “biggest player” and “most dangerous” in the house, but unfortunately that goes against Willie’s deal with him.

Dan and Boogie are now shown discussing the female coaches, and Boogie thinks that Janelle is a bit “better” than Britney. After mentioning how “young and naïve” some of these people are, Dan asks who he would sacrifice from his team. “Jenn.” He adds that Frank should be a target but doesn’t think the others are smart enough to figure that out. Dan asks if the other girls are jealous of Kara, but Boogie thinks she’s nice enough and not bitchy enough to really cause any friction. Of course, Britney and Janelle are not up to the mental level of himself.

Filler time, as Joe is cooking a huge dinner for the house. Unfortunately, he’s also using up most of the food in the house. Boogie wonders if maybe he’s an expendable person, so he goes in to talk to Willie, who claims he has no idea who he is going to nominate. Boogie says all “chefs” are hotheads and crazy, which is an interesting theory. On second thought, Boogie is correct. Boogie advises him to pick somebody off and then blend back into the crowd. Cocky Boogie believes he planted the needed seed.

Finally, we get to the nominations and NOTHING has changed from the template of the last ten years. Willy reads the script, a handful of people say they’re nervous, and we get shots of keys. The house is called in, and keys are pulled by (in order) Jojo, Shane, Wil, Daniele, Ashley, Jenn, and Joe. Yes, Kara and Frank are nominated.

Boogie is shocked! Willie says this has been a tough decision, but he had never talked to Kara and somehow it “got weird” between him and Frank (which, of course, was never shown in this episode).

Frank is “completely flabbergasted” because Willie is the one that came to him, and so he’s going to do everything he can to stay. Kara thinks that having Dan as his coach is hurting his chances, while Britney calls this a “successful first week in coaching”. Boogie has now figured out that Janelle is definitely with Britney, and anybody that goes after Boogie has “a little trouble coming your way”. Oh please.

That’s it for tonight. What did you think of the first real look at the cast? Has anybody surprised you, for the better or worse? Let us know your thoughts!

Thursday
Jul122012

Big Brother #14, Episode 1 Recap

It's here! The night we've been waiting for all summer. Or as WWE's The Rock would say, "finally, Biiiiiiiiiiig Brother has come BACK to our television!!!!"

Over the last few weeks, those of us who live and breath this show have dealt with rumors, innuendo, leaks, predictions, undue personal attacks (and a few deserved), lies, and lying liars. Some stories have already be proven true, along with a TON that are as silly as the person who created them. (BTW, good work on the handful of people the created a firestorm of controversy with their claim they had a "live feed beta" last weekend.)

So what will we see tonight? Is this really the "biggest cast ever"? Will we be "shocked" by the promised four twists they're going to squeeze in this hour? Is there really going to be a new mom with a horrific twitter alter ego coming in, or a return of a infamous tart that I called out in admittedly poor taste as "Vegas whore" last weekend? (I predict "no" to the majority of these questions.)

Too bad I'm not able to watch this episode in my normal comfort zone of a nice soft couch, full-volume 5.1 sound, and surrounded by booze, smokes, poppers, and near-naked nymphs fetching me whatever I need. Nope, Chez Hudson is currently under construction, and the carpet installation has unfortunately coincided with tonight's broadcast. I'm old school tonight, watching an over-the-air broadcast with no DVR or rewind capabilities. And instead of comfort and barely-legal mental aids, I'm sitting on a pile of DVD boxes with no place to set down a drink. Forgive me if I'm not as complete or accurate with my quotes as in the past.

Enough with my problems! It's time to watch the show! And there she is - the Chenbot. Same boring delivery; same stiff movements. Wait, for of the "greatest of all time" are coming back. Then the supposedly confirmed rumors including Boogie and Britney just can't be true!!!

Unfortunately, we also have no change in how we "meet" the new houseguests. Yes, it's the awful, staged videos of them "receiving" their invites...complete with the cliches of how they're going to win, be the greatest player ever, how they're smarter than everybody, blah blah blah. Wait, Jodi just married a man with 5 kids? Craziness. all I learned is that JoJo is hot, the Survivor brother is a fucktard, the Playboy model isn't all that, and the spray tan chick is a moron.

With that segment thankfully over, they're all brought out together and Julie again reads the script from last year...or the year before...or whenever. Wil, Ashley, Jodi, and Frank get to enter first, and while I hate to keep hitting that same button it really is NO different than every other year.

Ian, Shane, Jen, and Danielle are then sent in, and it's a repeat performance marked only by Shane's dirty pits. Daniele says she's "never seen anybody" like Jen. The final four are sent in, although this is the group that we all thought was the first picture since CBS tweeted it earlier this week.

Ashley wants to babble about her life, but JoJo cares more about getting a bed. In face, she moves some bags away just to ensure she gets the bed of her choice. Champagne is poured, and they begin introducing themselves. Joe thinks Wil is one of the "prettiest chicks in the house". Oh boy. The Hantz boy introduces himself, and Ian already has figured out the Survivor connection. For some reason, though, Daniele thinks it is smarter to say that she is a kindergarten teacher rather than a nurse. Ashley tells her mobile spray tan story to dead silence, and for some reason she thinks Ian is her type. Really?

Frank says he's unemployed, but Jodi doesn't believe it. "I'm about 98% sure he's hiding some fact about what he does for a living." Kara admits she models, but says nothing about Playboy, and Ian is in love. "Kara might be the cutest girl ever in the history of hte planet Earth." Daniele, though, like Shane because a carpenter has "to be good with his hands". Yes, we found this year's cliche girl for the competition diary rooms voiceovers. Thankfully, it is commercial time.

When we return, Julie repeats the "memorable house guest" line, and we finally see that the "mentors" (or "coaches" as they call them). The first introduced is Dan, and he is excited to be able to combine his coaching and Big Brother skills this year.

Wait, I recognize that "bye bye bitches" soundbyte (we use it on the Big Brother Gossip Show), so that obviously means the second coach is Janelle. She claims to now be the "Real Housewife of Minnesota". Um, yeah.

Another BBGossip show soundbyte??? Yes, it's the "I lost my dignity on a slipper weiner" line from the love of my life, Britney! She makes fun of herself for letting those idiots play her in her season, but she says she's not as naive as last season.

Ugh, the fourth coach is Boogie. I have nothing to say here, except he's even more smarmy now than then...and that's saying something.

With the intros over, Julie now informs the noobs of the twist, but adds that the four supposedly great players are here to coach them. If one of their players wins, their coach wins $100,000.

As the noobs talk about coaching possibilities, Dan struts his way into the house to big cheers. He gives them his standard homecoming football game pregame speech, and they all huddle up afterwards. Knute Rockne, he isn't.

Britney enters net, but Frank isn't impressed that she could possibly be a coach. Boogie enters next, and Ian claims it's like "stepping into Yankee Stadium and playing with Alex Rodriguez". Really, Ian? Come on.

Finally, Janelle enters, and even Britney is happy as she's her "favorite player ever, ever, ever". Boogie reminds viewers that he evicted her in the All-Stars season, and is a bit worried she may enact revenge against him. God, I hope so.

Willie is sitting with Frank , and Dan comes over to tell him he looks like Russell from Survivor. Willie doesn't want people to figure this out, though, because Russell was known to be a jerk on his show. Dan says they look almost exactly the same, and Russell is worried that he's going to tell others. "He must be a good lookin' dude." Boogie and Janelle also have suspicions, and Boogie says there's no way he's going to pick him.

Julie calls everybody back to the couch, and explains that the reason they got invitations instead of keys is because they have to "earn" their key...and one is leaving that same night. Before we get to that, though, the coaches must pick their players.

Everybody is outside after the commercial break in some strange giant teddy bear bedroom setting, and Britney gets to choose first. She wants an athletic, sociable guy, and Shane is that guy. Boogie then picks Frank, partly because of his athleticism and also because of his hair. Janelle's first pick is Wil, partly because she wants "good schemers". Some things never change! Dan ends the first round by choosing Kara, which is surprising after his diatribe about wanting somebody "ruthless enough to stab a person in the back but nice enough that they'll make them like you while the knife is going in".

The second round sees the coach order reversed, and Dan goes with Daniele. Janelle adds Ashely to her team, and Willie can't figure out why he's being passed up. Boogie goes with Ian, who tells him he's a "legend". Britney finally picks Willie.

Again the order is reversed, and JoJo goes to Britney's team. Jen goes to Boogie's team, and Janelle gets Joe, Yes, poor Jodi is the last person standing, and Dan has no choice but to take the "steal of the draft".

The first HOH comp immediately begins, and it's a Summerlong Slumber Party. Everybody is dressed in pajamas, and they are playing as teams. The coach of the winning team gets to pick the first HOH, but the coach of the last place team has to evict one of their players.

As for the game, the players have to jump from bed to bed, and then grab a teddy bear to bring back to a "shelf". If a player falls, they have to go back to the end and start over. After some small talk, and more junk from Willie about his famous brother, the game commences.

These mattresses aren't static, though, as one moves back and forth, and another in circles. Every team has players that must start over, but Shane makes it back with the first bear. Wil follows with another, as does Frank. Dan's team, though, is having tons of problems, but Jodi is confident she can make it across. She nearly does, though, but has lots of trouble with the third one.

Ashley basically shows her camel toe, as her method is the "frogger" technique. Willie gets the second bear for Britney's team, and JoJo grabs the third bear. Ian grabs his team's second bear, and JoJo is too exhausted to continue making the jumps. Joe gets the second bear for Janelle's team as Britney gives JoJo a pep talk. At this point, three of the four teams (all but Dan's) are at the exact same point with the third bear as we head to a break.

When we return, all three are continuing to have problems. JoJo finally makes it across, though, and Shane leaps across to hit the buzzer. Britney's team wins!

The game isn't over, though, as Julie must remind the remaining players. Since it is the twenty minute mark, the coaches can now make substitutions, and Frank races across to get his teams' third bear. Wil does the same for Janelle's team, and ends up wtih second place as he beats Frank across to the buzzer.

With the game over, Britney must choose the HOH from her team, and she picks Willie. Yeah, this should make an interesting week. She says that he needs this free week to "wheel and deal to solidify his place in the house". As opposed to everybody else?

Unfortunately, Dan must evict somebody from the game, but obviously we have to head to a commercial before this occurs. We next see everybody back in the house, and Dan says his choice is between Jodi and Daniele. Jodi makes her case by saying she was a better failure at this competition than Daniele was. "I deserve to be here", she adds in the diary room. Really? Daniele is asked the same question, and she claims that Jodi will probably cause drama. Hmmm, I don't know where that comes from.

They all head back into the living room...and Dan gives a speech before giving the boot to Jodi. Daniele says she feels bad, and Ian says this is the most "cruel" thing he's ever seen on Big Brother. Willie adds that this is "his" game, and it's all about him. Yeah, we know.

So that's it this week. Same old stuff, really, with a couple of interesting twists. What are your thoughts on tonight's show? Do you like the coaching twist? Or the immediate eviction? Let us know your thoughts!

Wednesday
Sep142011

Big Brother Season 13 Finale

The day has finally arrived – tonight we crown the winner of Big Brother 13? Will it be Adam, the only male Tori Spelling fan in the world who somehow believes he’s an All-Star? Will it be Porsche, the owner of multiple sweat suits and whose deadpan one-liners anger the cat crowd who don’t comprehend the concept of sarcasm? Or will it be Rachel, the veteran who constantly lets everybody know she’s had to “fight for her life” every week, but leaves out the little tidbit that production is always there to lend a helping hand when all hope appears to be lost?

We could just jump ahead 85 minutes and hand the check to what seems to me is an obvious choice, but we have lots of pomp, circumstance, whining, and self-important declarations to sit through. Once we get through the obligatory Julie Chen intro, a lengthy “previously on Big Brother” segment, and a bunch of cheese, the show commences where we left off last Thursday – the endurance competition that starts the three –part final HOH.

They all start off by talking about how they need to win, although Porsche adds in that maybe it’s not that important thanks to her final two deal with Rachel (who also mentions that she doesn’t know if she can trust Porsche). Nice job on the script-reading, kids!

We’re at the ten-minute mark, and Adam is already struggling. Porsche says she’s not feeling that great either. He’s really struggling at the twenty-two minute mark, and attempts to stretch his legs. Rachel is incredulous at his whining. Sure enough, he jumps off at the 28:58 mark. He says he has to “save any strength I have left for part two”. Silly boy.

Jump ahead a few minutes, and Porsche is asking Adam how Rachel is holding up. “She’s good.” Porsche says she’s “feeling a little ill”, but is “staying up here for dear life”. She says she’s feeling nauseous, though, while Rachel says she can stay up all night. Rachel wants her to drop so she doesn’t have to “hang out in throw up butter”. Porsche’s knees start to buckle, and she’s off at 46:10. Rachel gives a smile and thumbs up to the camera, and then tells Porsche she “did really good”. That’s actually funny!

Yes, Rachel, we know that Brendon would be so proud. Porsche hopes that she can beat Adam in the second part to ensure her place in the final two. Obviously, so does Adam.

After commercials, it is time for the second part of the HOH, which both Adam and Porsche have to perform separately. It’s an underwater maze, and since Porsche apparently loves swimming she is confident she’ll do well. In the maze is the names of the house guests, and they have to place each of the previous HOH’s in order.

Porsche jumps in, and after making a “joke” about not practicing anything underwater, she finishes the competition. We don’t get to see her score, but she thinks she could have done better. After the obligatory “I have to kick ass” speech from Adam, he starts working on the names. The goggles get in his way, though, so he tosses them aside. Unfortunately, now he can’t see at all. Great job, Tori-lover.

Adam jumps out and grabs the goggles, but he’s lost lots of time. He finally finishes, and Rachel reads off the scores. Adam’s time was 6:03, but Porsche’s was 3:50! Porsche will now battle Rachel for the final HOH! Adam just hopes that whoever wins will realize their best shot is to take him, and Rachel reads the diary room cue cards well enough to express doubt.

Now we jump to the jury house conversation, and Shelly asks who they want to see come next. Jeff wants it to be Kalia and Porsche, while Brendon hopes it is Porsche. Daniele wants to see Rachel (“shocker”, says Brendon), while Shelly is hoping for either the “coaster” (Adam) or Rachel.

And in walks Kalia – “hey guys!” She fills them in on Rachel’s win, but luckily we’re interrupted by Jordan’s appearance. For some reason, Brendon jumps up excitedly. Oh yeah, because that means that Rachel is still there. Jordan fills them in on what happened, and says that she thinks Rachel should win. Daniele counters that although Rachel whines about floaters, she’s “the biggest floater in the house”. (Hmmm, I think I’ve heard that line on The Big Brother Gossip Show!) Brendon counters that switching up strategy is a way to play, but Daniele says that she treats people like shit. Brendon’s response? “I always said she’s as smooth as a rhinoceros in a china store.”

Kalia, though, says that she has changed her mind about Rachel, and that she has had the toughest road to the end. Shelly, though, doesn’t think there is any point where you have to “viciously, maliciously tear people out personally and then send them off with half a million dollars”. Jordan brings up the lies and the mean things Shelly has said, though, but Rachel’s “level was different and not strategic”. Jeff says that they had plenty of chances to get rid of Rachel.

They move on to Porsche, and again Jeff whines about how he never talked to her. Kalia congratulates her on her “chill” way of playing, but Jordan said she did nothing “but walk around in a bikini and cooked”. Kalia also points out the wins Porsche had, and that she had much more than Adam. Jordan counters that he showed his loyalty, and Jeff agrees that it “is a big part of the game to me”. Shelly again points out that he “waffle-waffled” the entire game. Jordan is still hung up on her opinion that Porsche did nothing until “day 52”, but Daneile points out that Adam is a “piggy backer”. Ok, I’m officially bored.

Ooooh, Shelly brings up how Kalia and Porsche played “Dani’s game”. Uh oh, Kalia is pissed. “I played my own game, and we played together. End of story! Period!” Thank God that’s over!

Now it is time for the final competition of the year. It’s Rachel versus Porsche in a question game about the jury members (which in some ways is not fair to a noob). The first question is about the moment Brendon doesn’t want friends and family to see, and they both are wrong. The second question is about  Daniele’s opinion of the most shocking moment, and Porsche changes to the wrong answer. Shelly’s question is about her most fatal error, and they both are again wrong. Jeff’s question is about the best thing about being in the house, and AGAIN they are both wrong! Kalia’s question is about the  biggest lie in the house, and again Rachel is correct. She has won the final HOH!!!

After commercials, it is time for Rachel to pick her runner-up – I mean second final two candidate. Porsche goes first with the final plea, and she doesn’t say much but the typical stuff. Adam gives a  shout out to the metal heads at Yankees stadium (note, they’re not watching), and then says that he was NEVER a floater, unlike Porsche. “Last year, you said floaters grab a life vest. This year, floaters grab a paycheck?” Ugh.

Rachel then stands up, and after telling Julie “no” to whether she is ready, she gives the “fight for her life” speech before evicting Adam! Porsche and Rachel are the finalists! He gives one last metal cheer before heading out, and then (stupidly) milks the crowd for more cheers and high fives. He even hugs poor Julie!

Julie asks if Rachel made the right decision, and points out that he was not great at competitions. He believes he did very well at the end, but ultimately Rachel made the right decision “because if I had made final two I would have won.” Um, no you wouldn’t. Thankfully, we’re done with him already.

It is now time to introduce the jury, and I’m surprised there are no boos when Shelly walks out. Julie then introduces Adam as the seventh member of the jury, and Brendon is (obviously) ecstatic. The two finalists are then beamed in for jury questions, and Brendon goes first by asking Rachel about whether she should be rewarded for the hurtful things she’s said. Once again, we get the “fight for my life” speech, and that she should win on game play. Oh yeah, and she’s sorry if she offended anybody.

Jordan goes next, and asks Porsche her patented “bikini and cook” question. Get over it, girl. You did little more. She points out that she had the golden key for the first month, and played a social game instead. Kalia asks Rachel what she did besides winning competition, and AGAIN we get the “fight for my life” speech. She adds that her biggest move was evicting Kalia, who she thinks would have won if she had made final two.

It is now Shelly’s turn, and she asks Porsche when she started playing the game. She claims she started in the first week, but Keith screwed up her game. Yes, again we got to hear once again about the golden key. Neither of these girls have a lot to say, I guess. We’re already finished – I guess Daniele, Jeff, and Adam don’t get questions.

One more commercial break later, it is time for the final pleas of the last two players. Rachel goes first, and ONE MORE TIME we get the “fight for my life” spiel. ENOUGH!!! She adds that she was the person who exposed Daniele’s plan of backdooring Jeff, and also giving the boot to Kalia. Somehow, she also deserves credit for playing without Brendon.

When she finally concludes, Porsche she points out that they were the people who kept her in the first week, and Adam gives her a dirty look when she says she got second place four times and won four competitions. A couple of minutes later, and I have no idea what she said.

Here we go – it is voting time. Brendon’s key goes in first, and we know his vote. Daniele is next, and she tells Porsche she adores her but Rachel is “lucky that it is not a personality contest”. Oh boy, the cat ladies aren’t going to like that line! Jeff is the third vote, and he says “I don’t have anything cute to say”. He just congratulates them both as he puts in his key.

Shelly says she loves the heart they both have, but just not as much as Brendon loves Rachel. Kalia struggles with her dress, and then says something she didn’t say all season – “I don’t have a lot to say.” Instead, she just says “pajamapajama”. Jordan says hi to Rachel and that she misses her. “You both did good.” Adam is last up, and he again says he would have won if Rachel hadn’t evicted him. “I got four answers right in that final HOH. If I didn’t throw my goggles and didn’t smoke I would have won this game…the next time I come back for All Stars I’m winning this game!” No, you won’t!

Before we get to see the votes, though, we get a little bit of time with the first five evictees. We start with Evel Dick, and Julie asks about the veteran’s alliance he created. He says it was a “would have, should have, could have been the best alliance that has ever played the game if they had stuck together. But my lovely daughter blew it open with an atomic bomb, and there it went.” Daniele agrees, but says that the biggest mistake players usually have is making alliances on the first day. “I wanted to work with the people that I actually cared about and had relationships with.”

Julie asks if Daniele’s move to boot Jeff was a dumb move, and he jokes he’d rather talk about his daughter “behind her back”. He says that it was “typical in playing too hard, too fast”. He thinks she should have had secret alliances with the noobs, and let them do the dirty work.

Talk moves to Cassi and what surprised her the most. She jokes that it is how cute Adam is without his beard. She says that Shelly shocked her but she played a great game. Shelly is asked to respond, and she says that she does “adore” her but she just had to play both sides of the house since she is not a competitor. Jeff is asked to weigh in on this topic, and he says that they had made up in the jury house. Cat ladies, you can call off the hounds on Shelly!

Julie then asks Kalia about her non-existent strategy of “biting her tongue”. Now that she isn’t playing the game, does she have anything she wants to say? She still thinks she “bit her tongue a lot in the house”, but feed watcher never saw it! She claims that she did play her own game, and that she “is nobody’s slave”. We go back to Jeff, and whether he made up with Daniele. He jokes about giving back each other’s “friendship bracelets”, but admits that he does not like her. Uh oh. Julie ends the segment by reminding everybody about the America’s Choice prize.

FINALLY it is time to reveal the votes! We know the first vote (Brendon) goes to Rachel, but Daniele voted for Porsche. Jeff’s vote went to Rachel, as does Shelly. Kalia, though, votes for Porsche, but Jordan’s vote goes to Rachel FOR THE WIN! Censors, be careful as Rachel’s ass is about to escape her tiny dress.

As we head to the final credits of the season, Julie reveals that Adam voted for Porsche. The final score was then 4 – 3. The America’s Choice prize obviously went to Jeff. Who didn’t predict that?

So there we have it. What did you think of the finale? Or the entire season? Anything stand out as exciting, funny, weird, or noteworthy? Let us know!

Thursday
Sep082011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 28 Recap

The moment I’ve been waiting for all summer is finally here. I’ve got my beer and a bunch of snacks next to me as I try to patiently wait for the battle involving both veterans and rookies. Who will be prematurely knocked out of the game? Will the vets use their experience and maturity to outwit the rookies? Who will cast the first blow against their opponents to set up a run for the championship? Thank God football is back!

Oh wait, I’m on the wrong channel. Oh well, it still works as an opening to tonight’s final regular season episode of Big Brother. We have two vets, Jordan and Rachel, and two rookies, Adam and Porsche, fighting to make it into the final rounds of competitions. Adam already guaranteed himself a place in the final three with his perfect score in last night’s HOH competition. Tonight, he’ll nominate two of the other three players, and one of them will be evicted after a veto competition/ceremony. After that, the remaining three will end the show with the start of the first part of the three-part final HOH comps.

After Julie’s introduction, the show begins with a look back at Kalia’s eviction. Porsche is happy to have survived, but she is bummed that she no longer has a strong alliance member. Adam believes his refusal to use the veto proves he’s “firmly in with the veterans. I chose my side. Here we go.”

Kalia heads out the door and Jordan apologizes to Rachel for making her be the deciding vote. She adds in the diary room that her vote was a “strategic move for me because I can tell Kalia that I never broke my word with you. That could possibly be a jury vote for me.” She explains to Adam that she changed her mind the previous night, but Rachel is kind of pissed. “Why do I always have to get blood on my hands? Seriously, Jordan?”

We jump to the end of last night’s HOH victory for Adam, and he says it is a relief to finally have a victory. “My lips are getting a little chapped from kissing a lot of veteran butt, so this week these girls will kiss my butt the way I kissed their butt all season.” Ewwww, but also the most truthful thing he has said all year.

Porsche admits she “sucked at this competition. I definitely wasn’t a reading comprehension student.” Yeah, that’s also pretty honest. She hopes that Adam won’t put her on the block. Jordan says she’s excited for Adam, but she’s also nervous. “Adam, how much sucking up can I do?”

Immediately, Adam lets out a metal scream about seeing his HOH room, and we get the usual Sunday night segment of pictures, smiles, and (in my house, at least) boredom. Of course, he gets bacon and a Tori Spelling picture.

Porsche immediately starts kissing Adam’s ass, helping him carry his stuff into the HOH. “I’m nervous”, Jordan says as her and Rachel watch. Porsche admits that she’d be kissing any HOH ass right now, and she dutifully sits and listens to Adam ramble about how beneficial it is to win this final week. When she finally gets to speak, she says that she wants to be next to him in the final two. Yeah, duh. She adds that while she knows Adam is close to Jordan, she doesn’t want to be with her in the final three.

It’s now Rachel’s turn to grovel, and she’s not happy about kissing a “floater’s butt”. Especially that one, right Rachel? She gives her usual HOH speech, and Adam is clearly loving every second of it.

Finally, it is Jordan’s turn, and she says that he HAS to help her out. Adam admits that while he wants Rachel out, he also kind of wants to “go head to head with her”. Good idea, bacon boy. “You’d understand if I had to nominate you?” Jordan responds that she knows if Porsche wins veto, she’ll put her out, and asks what he would do if he won veto. “We’ll see what happens.” Wow.

Jordan is pissed. “She doesn’t deserve to be final three. Oh my God, Adam…after all we’ve done for you?” Adam just smiles and bumbles his words, but Jordan says she can read his face.

After a commercial break, it is nomination time. This is really a waste of valuable TV time, as it is the veto competition that really matters. Everybody goes through the motions, though, and Adam ultimately nominates Jordan and Porsche. He says “the best night sleep I’ve ever had in this house is the night I won the veto (or was given the veto) and took myself off the block. Rachel has done that already; you two have yet to do that. I’m giving you that opportunity. Earn it, please.” Rachel likes the speech. “Good speech”, she says.

Rachel is shocked and excited, but she does know she HAS to win the veto to guarantee her place in the final three. Jordan agrees, saying she has to quit “lollygagging” and “buckle down, get focused, and win this veto”.

Once we return from another break, it is time for the veto competition. It’s called “Jukebox Veto”, and Jordan says either her or Rachel must win. There are 20 game-related clues on each jukebox, and they have to place pairs of names that match both clues. The first to correctly complete the stack wins.

They all go through the motions of saying that it is important to win, and we’re off. Adam gets the bottom question within seconds, and is confident that he’ll win. Porsche’s strategy is to come up with all of the answers first, and then start stacking.

As she has the entire season, Jordan gets confused. Meanwhile, Porsche has them all lined up, but after hitting the buzzer she discovers there is an error somewhere. Both Rachel and Adam say that kicks them into the gear, but poor Jordan is still lagging behind. Porsche thinks she has fixed her error, and jumps off to win the veto! Adam now admits that it may not be a bad thing to have another noob in the final three, and Rachel cries that she just wanted to do well “for Brendon”. Jordan is also obviously bummed, as she wanted Porsche OUT!

Back inside, Rachel is actually more upset than Jordan. “After losing, I should go home”, says Jordan. Meanwhile, Rachel sneezes, whines, and cries as Jordan continues to say she deserves to leave. Rachel’s main concern seems to be that Brendon may be pissed. They run into Porsche as they had into another room, and Rachel hugs her. Jordan says she feels really bad as they have worked together really well, and tells Rachel that if she makes the finals she will win.

Porsche and Rachel are now drinking wine in the kitchen, and Rachel asks to go talk to her in the purple room. “Jordan is my friend, but I’ve come way too far to go out without trying.” Rachel says that if she saves her, she has a pretty good shot at making the final two as both her and Adam would take her. “if you take Jordan, she’ll probably take Adam.” She continues sucking up to her, leading Porsche to giggle, “I like your arguments.” Porsche says in the diary room that she needs to weigh her choices. Rachel may have made that promise, but she has a better chance at beating Jordan in the final comps.

It is now time for Porsche’s big decision, as we head to the final veto meeting. Obviously, Porsche decides to use the veto on herself, meaning that Rachel is now on the block. Rachel goes first in addressing Porsche for her final plea, and she tells them all how proud she is to spend the summer with them. She eventually stumbles on her words, and concludes. Jordan then gets up and says since she already campaigned she knows she’s going home. She tells Adam that she loves him, and his word is gold, and “Farah is a very lucky woman”. She tells Rachel that she is happy with their friendship, and the way she thinks of her walking out of the game is completely different than when she first walked in. Finally, she addresses Porsche by saying that while they never really talked, “I know you like wearing bikinis and hosting competitions.” She concludes by saying she hopes that her and Jeff’s families are not disappointed.

Porsche then stands and after a bit of nonsense, she evicts Jordan. Jordan then heads out the door, and Julie begins the interview by asking why Porsche voted her out instead of Rachel. Jordan says Porsche is like a “poker face to me”, and that she never got to know her. She then asks about the comments to Adam, especially given that he nominated her. Jordan just says that he had to put up somebody, and she knew he wouldn’t put up both her and Rachel.

Julie’s conversation moves on to Shelly, and Jordan says she was “playing too personal and I wasn’t really playing smart. She was so nice, and I got so caught up in her niceness. Kind of like a mom away from home. I felt really comfortable with her. You can’t trust anyone in here. Even if you’re a mom, you still can’t trust a mom!” Julie also asks about how it seemed like Jordan threw in the towel the last few weeks, and Jordan’s response is how they balanced each other out. When asked what is next for Jordan, she admits she came back because Jeff wanted to do it, but otherwise it will just be “the same old thing”.

Final comments end the segment, and Porsche says that it was because of her closeness to both Rachel and Adam that made her send her home. Adam once again calls her “sweet, sweet Jordan” but otherwise his love and gratitude frankly make no sense. Rachel apologizes for not saving her in the final veto, and is happy that they are now such good friends. “Our boyfriends have the bromance of the century, so we can have our chickmance. Go to the jury with your head held high because you’re an amazing person and I’ve made a lifelong friend in you.”

So now the real fun begins, as the start of the first part of the three-part final competition begins. The competition is called the “Big Brother Mixer”, and the last person hanging on the mixer blade wins. The “mixer” is hanging above a giant vat of butter, and after it spins around a little bit other “ingredients” are spit on them. When we return from another commercial break, we see that the mixer has also lowered them partway into the pit.

We’re done here. What did you think of the episode? Did Adam betray Jordan? Did Porsche make the correct move? Who will win tonight’s competition? Please, please, please tell us your thoughts!

Wednesday
Sep072011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 27 Recap

Wow, we’re officially one week away from the conclusion of this season of Big Brother! Are you excited for the season to end? Would you rather that we jump right into a new season?

In less than an hour (actually, 23 hours ago since this was pre-taped last night) we’ll know the identity of this year’s final four. Has Kalia’s non-stop jabbering paid off? Who will be the next-to-last HOH? While leaked reports have already informed me of the results, I can’t wait to see for myself.

After Julie’s intro, we start off, as usual, with the reactions to the nominations of Porsche and Kalia. Rachel says that because Kalia has come “after me more time than I can count, girl, I’m coming after you”. Porsche says there’s “no way I’m leaving this game yet”, and somehow believes her and Kalia are the “strongest competitors left in the house. There’s no way we’re going to go down without a fight.” Kalia complains that while her and Porsche have been allies, now they have to “battle it out, and I’m pretty sure Porsche is going to do the same”.

Kalia and Porsche head to their favorite room – the bedroom. Kalia becomes Mrs. Captain Obvious, stating that if either of them wins the veto then Adam would have to go up. Porsche says the only sure way that both would stay is if Adam won the veto. Jordan would then have to go up. Kalia’s worried, though, about whether Adam would indeed use the veto.

Adam is off by himself in the purple room, and Jordan comes in to talk to him. He guarantees that he is going to win, and Jordan points out that if he took one of them down then she’d have to go up. Adam reassures her that she doesn’t have to worry about him. Jordan is not quite convinced, but she knows that he can’t flip.

We now jump right to the veto competition. Despite Jordan’s scripted silliness, this is indeed the “OTEV” competition, where a house guest is described by a shark. The players then have to find the “pie” with that person’s name. If everybody guesses correctly, then the last person up is out.

Once we get through everybody talking about how they HAVE to win this, we finally get started. The first question is about who called Daniele a Judas on the live show. Brendon “Berry Pie” is the correct answer, and once again Jordan is the first out.

The second round is about the winner of the candy store competition, and Dominic “pudding pie” is the correct answer. Rachel is now eliminated…so all their hope is on Adam. The third round is a “soul patch” joke, and Kalia is the last to answer “Peanut Butter and Jeff” pie. She begins crying, and although Rachel pats her on the back she laughs in the diary room.

Now it is the final round, and Adam says he HAS to win it. The question is about the person who lost all 17 competitions they play in, which is “obvi” Shelly. Porsche is the first up the platform, and she says she realizes that she screwed up by grabbing Keith instead of Shelly “Jelly Pie”. She heads back down to find it, and Adam makes it up in time to win! Yes, Jordan, we know you want him to keep the nominations the same.

After a commercial break, we head to the jury house. While they all joke about who they want to see come in (and obviously, Jeff wants Shelly), guess who walks in? She tells them about the Pandora’s Box duo twist, and admits that she’s been scared to see Jeff. After Jeff tells Daniele to shut up, he asks her “what’s up with us, Shelly?” We get to once again hear the “I’d get no better than third” speech, but Jeff wants none of it. “You went with someone who breaks promises as opposed to someone who doesn’t?” Shelly then repeats herself, and claims that she “protected” him and Jordan. Um, Shelly, even if Rachel did say that, you didn’t “play the best game in the house”.

Finally, they all sit down to watch the DVD of the week’s action. Watching the veto comp, Daniele says it would have been “awwwkward” if she had to straddle her dad. When they see Adam drop at the four minute mark, Daniele makes a crack about him throwing comps. Brendon says Rachel “comes through when she has to” as we see her outlast Kalia at the end. Shelly says that she offered Jordan and Rachel everything in the world if they kept her, and Jeff laughs at this story. “Welcome to jury house”, concludes Brendon.

After another commercial break, it is the aftermath of the veto competition. Kalia heads into the bathroom to cry. “I’m mad that I didn’t win the veto, and I’m mad that my whole fate is in Adam’s hands.” She complains that he never makes any “big move” in the game, and that “it’s so unfair”.

Jordan is upstairs taking a shower, but is still worried that Adam will use the veto. We immediately jump to the night, and Kalia reminds him that they had said “newbies no matter what to the end”. In the diary room, Kalia claims that “I can sell water to a frickin’ well. I am a really smart, intelligent person. I know people, and I have the gift of frickin’ gab. I’m going to get it for me because it’s a very logical argument.” Um, no. You don’t. That doesn’t stop her from talking and talking and talking. Thankfully, this is only an hour-long show.  Still, Adam perfectly reads the script to make us unsure of what he is going to do.

It is now veto ceremony time, and Adam claims he’s going to make a “big move to further my game”. He calls everybody into the house, and obviously does not use the veto. Kalia’s face disintegrates from a smile to a frown as Adam says that he’s a “man of my word. I know you’re upset with my decision, but you have to respect it.” No, she doesn’t and won’t.

Sure enough, she bitches in the diary room about what a cowardly move he made. Rachel is beaming, and we end the segment with Kalia rushing out of the room.

It’s now the moment of truth, and Porsche gets the first final plea. She doesn’t say a lot but talks about how she loves everybody. Kalia then gets up and immediately goes after Adam. “Please start playing like all-stars and stop playing like a fan.” She asks Jordan to “vote with her heart”, and then complains to Rachel that she “can’t keep complaining about putting out people that play this game if you’re going to keep doing it”. (Ooh, if looks could kill.) She says she’s feeling “jacked for trusting the wrong person again”. Ugh. How does she think she’s such a strong player?

Voting begins with Jordan, who votes to evict Porsche. Adam then votes to keep Porsche, leading to a tie that Rachel must break. She stands, and after the usual speech about how she’s fought so hard she evicts Kalia. She puts down the infamous black queen that she stole with Daniele earlier this season, and heads out the door.

Julie starts off by asking about the “newbies to the end” plan, and Kalia repeats that she trusted the wrong people. She wanted to beat the vets, and we’re already done with her. Wait, what happened to the supposed infamous goodbye message from Rachel???

It’s now HOH competition time, and Julie starts off by showing footage from the other night when the fortune teller woke up to give clues all through the night for this comp. Obviously, it’s a true/false question competition regarding these clues. The first question is about Jeff’s clue, and they all get it correct. The second question is about Brendon, and Jordan is once again the first with an incorrect answer.

For the third question, it’s about Cassi, and this time Porsche is wrong. Keith’s question is next, and again Porsche is incorrect. The fifth question regards Dom, and again Porsche is wrong. The last question is about Evel Dick, and they all get it correct. Adam is the new HOH with a perfect score!

 We end the show with one last chat with the house, and Adam says that it is so amazing that the only thing that would top it would be if Tori Spelling was in the house. “Wait, that already happened!”  Ok, now please be quiet. Julie then asks Porsche about surviving the vote, and says she was too “flustered” to do well in the competition.

The show then ends with Julie describing the last two episodes (tomorrow and next Wednesday) and the credits roll. What did you think of the episode? Are you happy with Kalia’s departure or Adam’s victory? And what about the promised fireworks from Rachel’s goodbye message? Or Jordan’s supposed breakdown over Rachel’s deciding vote? Tell us what you think!

Sunday
Sep042011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 26 Recap

We’re finally in the home stretch of this season. After tonight, there will only be three more episodes of the show. While the activity in the house has slowed WAY down, there are a lot of events that must be squeezed into these last hours. Tonight, we’ll get a HOH competition, a Pandora’s Box, and nominations. Yes, you heard me right – ANOTHER Pandora’s Box. Trust me, while tonight’s Pandora does little to affect the game, it will be even more annoying than the nullification of Porsche’s HOH that was the result of her opening it.

Tonight the show kicks into gear with the “gooey doughnut” HOH competition that was still in progress as Thursday’s show went off the air. There’s no real reason to recap this. The goo was tough to get through, especially for Kalia. Adam initially kept up, but Rachel jumped way ahead and won! Oh yea, and everybody at some point said it is the most important HOH of the season. One more thing, Adam is extremely pissed that Kalia voted against him. Oh yes, and Rachel’s HOH victory was “for Brennnnnon!” Ugh.

After a commercial break, Rachel and Jordan celebrate in the storage room. Rachel is excited about whatever deals may come their way, and Jordan says that they HAVE to separate Porsche and Kalia. Rachel responds that she can’t make any deal with Kalia because she would vote her out the next week. “We need Adam to work with us.”

Adam is now in the bathroom, and a showering Kalia wants his attention. She apologizes for her vote against him, explaining that she believed she was voting with the house. He says that it’s “all good”, and Kalia explains that the “last thing I need is one more enemy in the house”. Adam responds in the diary room that “her word to me means nothing”.

He’s now in the bedroom still stewing over Kalia’s vote, and Porsche walks in and tells him she’s glad he survived. Porsche says that she wants two noobs in the end so that the voting “is based on play”. He asks her if she thinks Rachel is just going to put up her and Kalia, and Porsche agrees.

Kalia is now seen snoring in the bedroom as Rachel leaps out of the diary room with her HOH key. Everybody gathers but Kalia is still sleeping, which makes Rachel (and the viewers) laugh at how that’s all she does. Yes, Rachel, we know your HOH room is “amazing”, especially with all of your pictures of you and Brennnnon! Hey Kalia, you’re not exactly a fashion model yourself, so don’t be dogging Adam on his looks. God, I hate this weekly segment!

Uh oh, now it’s time for Kalia to talk to Rachel. She complains that she has never lied to anybody, and has (like Rachel) battled so hard the entire season. Really? I sat through this 45-minute speech the other night, and even in a shortened version it is hard to keep my eyes open. Rachel’s only response is that she “want to play with competitors. I think it’s a travesty that Brennnnon, Daniele, and Jeff are in the jury house.” This actually shuts up Kalia for a few seconds, and her only response is that she’s “really scared”. Rachel asks if she would take her and Jordan over Porsche to the final three. Of course, Kalia says she would. She’ll say anything to survive. In the diary room, Rachel adds to the hype by saying it’s the “most important decision I’ve ever had to make in the Big Brother house so far”. Nice script reading!

After another commercial break, Jordan and Rachel are filling airtime by talking about what they’re going to do after the show is over. Wake me when this segment is over, especially as Rachel talks about car insurance.

With that segment finally over, it is time for Porsche to grovel. She asks Rachel what she needs to make it further, and Rachel explains that she needs somebody she can trust. “I just don’t know who to trust.” When Porsche doesn’t exactly give a glowing answer to Rachel’s query, Rachel whines a bit about how she thought the two of them could have been a team throughout the entire season. Porsche says if she wants to start working together, she will promise not to nominate her next week. In the diary room, Porsche admits that this is not entirely true but she’ll say whatever she needs to make it through the week.

More filler, as Jordan is asking Adam about his girlfriend, Farah. Yeah, this is sickening, especially when Adam says his girl doesn’t like being called Donna Martin in bed. Yes, he really did say that! We then get a flashback montage of Adam’s obsession with Tori Spelling. Can you guess what this is leading up to? Jordan says in the diary room that her advice to Tori would be to run if she ever saw Adam.

Sure enough, Rachel heads into her HOH to discover another Pandora’s Box! After reading the first card, Tori Spelling is shown on the HOH room’s television. Not only is she waving, but there are a bunch of clothing racks behind her, and somehow Rachel is able to observe that she “has a wedding show!” What? Oh yeah, it’s a Grodner script.

Rachel opens the second card which says the only thing better than a visit from a celebrity is a shopping spree with a celebrity! But remember – “with every temptation comes a consequence”. Rachel claims that unless it was a Brennnon reunion she can’t open it. Well, after more scripted thoughts she finally does open it…as we go to commercials.

When we get back to the show, Rachel walks into the Pandora room to find…Jesse!!! Ugh!!! Rachel gets a celebrity shopping spree with Mr. Pectacular! Rachel is pissed. “He is not a celebrity!” Not only is Jesse in the room with Jesse merchandise, he’s wearing a speedo! Well, not quite a speedo but too close for my taste. Gross!

Meanwhile, downstairs Adam walks into another room saying “wake me if something exciting happens”. He’s even  pantsless when the doorbell rings. Jordan waits for him to zip up before answering the door, and as you may expect it is Tori Spelling! Yeah, Adam goes nuts as the least deserving player in Big Brother history gets his own prize!

Kalia tells Tori that Adam is obsessed with her, and she says “I might have heard something about that”. Poor girl. Tori says her baby is due in a month and a half, and “if it’s a boy I’m naming him Adam”. Oh please.

They show Tori around the house as Jesse shows Rachel his merchandise. She gets to see Tori on the monitors, and freaks out. Adam shows Tori his duck, and she kisses it. My God, the diary room stuff from Adam is as awful as expected! Ugh, he even tells her the story about calling his girlfriend Donna Martin while lying in bed. Jordan is mortified! Both “couples” get pictures taken, but obviously Adam is more excited about this than Rachel.

Tori then announces the shopping spree for the guests, which is the typical game of throwing on as many clothes as possible in three minutes. Tori then leaves, and they all head outside for this luxury task. Thankfully, this also means that Porsche will no longer have to wear the same two pairs of sweats for her final days in the house. Rachel is beyond bummed as she watches them gather clothes while Jesse blathers on. “Porsche doesn’t even deserve this!” Jesse finally leaves, and Rachel heads downstairs with her Jesse gear. “I hate you all!” She informs them of being stuck with Jesse, and Adam thanks her.

Frivolous time over, Adam heads upstairs to talk to Jordan and Rachel. Adam does the only thing he knows how to do…grovel. He apologizes for turning his back on them last week, but says he wants “to play with people who respect the game, and I really don’t think they do”. He wants to go to the final three with them, and Rachel says she doesn’t know what she’s going to do. He says that those two (Porsche and Kalia) must go up this week so they can’t save each other. Rachel is conflicted, though, as she abhors the idea of keeping a weak player like Adam…but at the same time she acknowledges that keeping somebody she knows she can beat is a good option. “If there’s any weak player in the hosue, it’s definitely Adam.”

Adam leaves, and Rachel and Jordan both agree they want to be final two with each other. “I refuse…refuse to let two people be in the final two that slept this whole season.” Rachel agrees, and laughs about Kalia’s “competitor speech”. Yeah, Rachel, we all do. “We already got tricked by Shelly”, advises Jordan. “We can’t get tricked by other people.”

Although a superlong commercial break had me holding the clicker in my hands, I didn’t make the change. It’s finally time for Rachel to make her nominations, and after everybody does their contracturally-obligated poses and script reading Rachel calls everybody into the house. Jordan’s key is pulled out first, followed by Adam. Kalia and Porsche are nominated, and Rachel says it is because they nominated her. “May the best man…I mean woman…or man win.”

Porsche claims that she is the strongest competitor in the house besides her (well, I guess that could be true), and after winning the veto she is going to come after Rachel next week. Kalia says she expected the nomination – “payback is a bitch named Rachel”. Rachel says she’s not scared of either of them, and says “the game didn’t start on day 55”.

So there it is – the last Sunday episode of the season. What did you think of tonight’s show? Were you excited or dismayed at the sight of Jesse? Or Tori Spelling? Or Adam’s story of calling his girlfriend Donna Martin in bed? Did Rachel make the right move in nominating Porsche and Kalia? Let us know what you think!

Thursday
Sep012011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 25 Recap

We’ve officially hit the home stretch of season thirteen of Big Brother. There’s less than two weeks left in the season, and after tonight we’ll have five people left in the house. Outside of the competitions, the game is basically over. The feeds feature very little game talk these days, as everybody knows almost everything possible about each other.

In some respects, tonight’s episode is just going through the motions. Feed viewers know with almost perfect certainty the person that is going home tonight, although everybody thoughtfully provided enough footage for CBS to infer that it is still up in the air. Besides the eviction, we’ll get a competition for what will be billed as “the most important HOH of the season”, along with our first view of Brendon, Daniele, and Jeff in the jury house.

As you may expect, after Julie’s introduction we get to listen to the predictable responses to Rachel and Jordan being replaced by Shelly and Adam. Rachel and Jordan are ecstatic; Adam and Shelly not so much. Oh boy, and a “Jochel” comment from Rachel. Porsche is bummed that her HOH week has been ruined (she still hasn’t drank her champagne), but at least she realizes a “trained monkey” could do her job.

Shelly heads into a bedroom to contemplate what it will take to save herself. She thinks that she notices the fortune teller start to move, and gets up to play with it. Unfortunately, all of this happened before the veto competition, let alone the veto ceremony. We talked about this on last week’s episode of The Big brother Gossip Show, as Shelly sat in the room for three hours hoping for a miracle.

She’s now outside sitting with Rachel. Shelly explains that if she gets Rachel’s vote, she’ll also get Jordan’s. Suddenly she believes doesn’t need the fortune teller as “I can talk my way into this final three all on my own.” Good luck with that! She goes on about how Shelly is the perfect pawn, and that Adam will not protect them like she can. Rachel gives her a glimmer of hope by saying that she respects her game more than “floater” Adam, but she still doesn’t completely trust her to follow through. Shelly has some diamond heirloom that she wants to use as collateral for her promise. Rachel adds that she thinks that Shelly has played the game better than anybody in the house. Oooh, as a final twist it turns out that this expensive ring is just a fake copy of the real thing.

Rachel heads in to talk to Jordan about this idea, but Adam walks in just as Rachel begins her pitch. Adam explains that he’s been completely true to them, except for the week that he followed Shelly down the wrong path. Jordan says that if they let him back in he has to do whatever they say. Adam admits in the diary room that he hasn’t been the best player in the world, but he promises to do whatever they want. Rachel has him completely figured out, though, and says she thinks “Adam is just playing everyone”.

We’re back to hanging out in the backyard, and Rachel and Jordan tell Shelly that they need to have somebody who won’t backstab them. In the diary room, Rachel goes on that it may be smarter to keep a person like her to keep the heat off them. Once again, Shelly apologizes for voting out Jeff, and Jordan responds that she has to feel “secure” that she won’t just run back to Kalia and Porsche. Shelly asks for them to come up with something to prove that she’s with them. Jordan pokes around by asking if there are any competitions that she threw, and Shelly says only the banana comp. Unfortunately for Shelly, video footage showed that this was a lie, as she didn’t even try to win the puzzle comp from two weeks ago.

Shelly walks away, and Rachel explains that the “logical thing is to keep your enemies”. Jordan is confused, as she doesn’t know whether to play “strategic or personal”. Nice work, CBS, as enough doubt has been created for the upcoming vote.

After a commercial break, Julie interviews the house. The first question is about Jordan teaming up with Rachel, who interrupts her answer by saying she’s the “best”. Jordan admits she’s a “handful, and she’s very entertaining. I never get bored with her.” Kalia is asked about her first thoughts about Porsche’s Pandora’s Box, and she says “oh girl, I hope it was worth it”. Shelly is then asked what was the most difficult part of what was obviously a bad week. Yeah, it “broke my heart” to upset Jordan. “The hurt that she felt just crushes you.” Adam is asked what the best part of being the only man in the house, and he says the question should be reversed as to what “it’s like to live with the sexiest man to ever play Big Brother”. He carries on about all of his female friends, appletini’s, and 90210. Ugh. The segment ends with Rachel’s question about seeing Daniele enter the house. Yes, we get the “he was shockkkkked” response.

Yes, it is time to go to the jury house. Brendon is working out, and says that he’s been enjoying his time alone studying, picking oranges, and playing ping pong. He’s hoping for a ping pong partner, but in reality he’s just joking. On the one hand, he’d love to spend some alone time with Rachel, but is really hoping that the next evictee is Daniele.

Daniele then enters with her trademark “shockkkkker”. Brendon couldn’t be happier. She fills Brendon in on his week, and Brendon says it was much deserved. They sit down to watch the footage, and Daniele makes a crack about how she’s not used to being in jury unlike the loser Brendon. Ziiiing! After the footage ends, Brendon asks if she wants to see Jeff as the next evictee. She says part of her does, but as the limo pulls up she says that it should be Adam, as he doesn’t “deserve to win this game. Adam will do whatever Jeff wants to do.” Jeff then walks in the house, and again we get to hear “shockkkker”. We head to another commercial break.

When we return, the footage of Jeff walking in is replayed, along with him asking “is our alliance still good?” Brendon says he was surprised, but Daniele is excited. “Karma!” “Karma is what got you out”, Jeff replies. Daniele says once again that she had no desire to go after Jeff, who complains admits his departure was a “tough pill to swallow”. Jeff fills them in on how he was evicted, and about Shelly’s vote against him. “That’s rad”, says Daniele. Brendon points out that maybe they should have kept their original vets alliance.

They all sit down to view the footage, and Jeff says he is “going to throw up” as he views Kalia win HOH. The veto comp is then shown, and Jeff says “oh my god” as he sees the clown shoe that he inadvertently tossed out of the ball pit. Brendon advises him to not play the “what if” game, but Jeff is seething. Both Brendon and Daneile crack up at Porsche’s “that’s what Daniele would have wanted” remark before not using the veto. The eviction is then shown, and Jeff is bummed that he didn’t get to give Jordan any advice before walking out the door. “I hate clowns. Now I really hate them.” He admits that he wants Shelly out next, and says that she “pinpointed” him from the beginning. So much for the “explosive” footage we were promised.

Porsche is now up in the HOH to talk to Julie, who starts off by asking if she regrets opening the Pandora’s Box. I think you know the answer to that. She did get some money for her and Kalia, though, “so I guess it wasn’t so bad”. Julie’s followup is about the status of Jordan and Rachel’s final four deal, and Porsche says since it happened before Pandora it probably doesn’t stand, especially since they haven’t “filled Kalia in on how they were going to vote”. Julie concludes by asking who she would have the best shot at winning against, and Porsche says that she wants Kalia or another noob so that people don’t have to pick sides. “I want it based only on gameplay”, and adds that she thinks she has a good shot against any of the other vets.

Finally, it is time to vote, and Shelly goes first with the final plea. She thanks her family, and turns to Jordan and Rachel to tell them they are “the most important people in this room”. Kalia’s eyes light up a bit as Shelly goes on tell them “you’ve got to pick somebody now that’s going to ride with you, that’s going to go with you, that’s going to go all the way and do what we need to do to get through this game. These other people can’t say that. The past is the past. I’d like to put that behind us. The present is that room where you’re going to go cast a vote. I want you to cast that vote for me as I am with you 100%.” I must say that Kalia’s reactions to his are hilarious.

Adam is next, and he says that he had a “long speech about wizards and dragons and all things metal”. His speech is nothing like Shelly’s, as he just says they have to vote how they have to want to vote”, and that he has appreciated his time with them.

Voting finally commences with Kalia, who votes to evict Adam (“although it apparently doesn’t count”). Rachel then votes to evict Shelly, as does Jordan. Shelly is officially voted out 2 – 1! It is all hugs and smiles as she leaves the house, though.

After noting that Shelly is a “fighter”, Julie asks about the ring she offered. Shelly admits that it wasn’t real, and then says that it was her big move that led to her departure. Julie suggests that she should have waited to make that move, but Shelly says that she didn’t think she’d have another chance. It was an “early big dumb move”. Julie asks if she’s worried about having to now go meet Jeff, and she says she wants to “build that bridge back up with them” by apologizing. “Everybody loves Jeff and Jordan, and I loved Jeff and Jordan coming into the game.” She adds that when she saw Jordan’s reaction ten minutes later she regretted her move. Julie also asks about the lying, and what size of a wall they’d need for her to write her sentences apologizing for the lies. Shelly’s response is that her daughter will be making her write lots of sentences.

On to the final goodbyes, and Adam notes that she “played yourself out”. Porsche thanks her for her cleaning, and her motherly advice. “You told me when my skirt was too short, and my bathing suit was a little too sexy”. Kalia also thanks her for being her mom away from home, and notes that she did vote for her. As expected, Rachel is cocky as usual and comes right out to tell her that the promised ring was not worth a half million dollars. She goes on about how she tried to play the mother, but she didn’t need motherly advice. Jordan’s comments are as nonsensical as expected, and she repeats the “fool me once” cliché that she used at the beginning of the show. Shelly ends the segment by saying how much fun the experience was, but I have a feeling she’ll have a different opinion when she hears about how it affected her family last week.

So it all comes down to the HOH, and we have a bakery setting for the competition. Yeah, Adam is not going to win this one. The players have to make their way through a gooey pit, and through another pit of sprinkles. They then return doughnuts back to their stand, and the person with the most at the end is the winner. I predict a Rachel victory.

Sure enough, she’s the first to grab a doughnut, but Adam is not far behind! Kalia and Jordan are far behind. Unfortunately, we won’t find out who wins until after the show is over, so stay tuned to this site for info! BTW, as the goes to the final seconds, we find out there is another Pandora’s Box on Sunday, and next Wednesday and Thursday we’ll have evictions.

What did you think of this episode? Was Shelly’s last second plea worth a thought for Jordan or Rachel? How about the jury footage? Let us know your thoughts!

Wednesday
Aug312011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 24 Recap

Judging by the comments posted after my last recap, more than a few people aren’t big fans of my cynical views of the past few episodes. Sorry, but it is just tough to be excited about a season with lackluster contestants and a heavy-handed production team that has meddled way too much throughout the entire run of the show.

I will give the production team a little bit of credit, though. This past episode was one of the few times that they tossed the tired template that has plagued the Sunday and Wednesday shows for the last few years. Instead of the show’s timeline running from post-eviction episode to nominations, over half of Sunday’s broadcast dealt with pre-eviction AND eviction episode activities. Also, Sunday’s conclusion was the veto “meddling” instead of the usual nomination ceremony.

This means that tonight’s episode will commence with the reactions to the Porsche’s announcement of the Pandora’s Box fiasco, and will also include nominations and veto competition before ending with the veto ceremony. For you readers, I’m going to attempt to be a bit more positive than usual. I may not succeed at this plan, but I’ll do my best. Really, I will.

So let’s get going with the predictable…I mean giddy reactions to the new duos twist. (See, I caught myself.) Porsche admits that she “regrets opening the Pandora’s Box. I was strong in a four person alliance. I sold them out for five g’s, and I cannot believe that I’m responsible for bringing the horrible duo twist back to Big Brother.” Kalia asks Porsche what enticed her, and Jordan answers for her – “it was money”. In case you’re not sure what’s going on, Kalia then describes that this new twist would bring both Jordan and Rachel off the block if they win the veto.

Porsche and the rest of the noobs congregate in one of the bedrooms while Rachel and Jordan head outside to celebrate. It’s a “new lease on life”, says Rachel. Jordan doesn’t look as excited as Rachel, however, because she wonders what Porsche wants. She wants a HOH with a Pandora’s Box. Rachel continues on, talking about how things haven’t gone well for them the last few weeks but they can turn it around by a veto win. “If…I mean when we win the veto, Shelly and Adam go up…this is our chance for redemption”. (I’m refraining from commenting here.)

Back in the bedroom, Kalia complains that all was perfect yesterday. “It’s still perfect now”, replies the ever-optimistic Adam. Porsche admits that she received five thousand bucks, and Kalia is shocked. Shelly, though, looks a bit down, and when Porsche asks her what is wrong she says she’s trying to figure out who should go up. Um, Shelly, that decision has been made for you already. In case the viewers don’t understand, Adam explains that the noobs HAVE to win the veto to ensure that either Rachel or Jordan goes home. Shelly now figures it out, and whines that Porsche has more “stuff in her chest than in her head”. Once out of the room, Porsche informs Kalia that she also received five thousand bucks. Kalia, as you may imagine, is not so bummed now.

It’s now nomination time, and even Jordan realizes that this is just for the cameras. It’s all about winning the veto. We still go through the motions, though, and Rachel and Jordan are put up. The segment ends with everybody promising to win the veto.

After a commercial break, Rachel and Jordan are commiserating over a comment that Porsche made in the ceremony on how they never talk to Porsche. They decide that they will indeed befriend her, but Jordan wants to wait a bit. Rachel is still saying that they HAVE to win the veto. Yes, we get it already. (Ooops, sorry.)

Jordan finally does head upstairs to talk to a surprised Porsche and Kalia. “Since they’re all outside smoking, can we just talk and get it over with?” Hmmm, interesting intro. Rachel joins them, and Jordan says in the diary room that Rachel “is the worst at talking to people”. Jordan babbles a mile a minute about how everybody has been carrying Adam and Shelly all week long. Jordan even throws in a Rachel gig, which makes Rachel laugh. The idea is to make a final four deal. Porsche admits in the diary room that she doesn’t want to work with them, but is still winning. They duo leave, and Kalia and Porsche are once again feeling pretty good about themselves.

We now switch to Shelly in the bathroom, and Jordan walks in. Shelly says hello, but Jordan ignores her. Shelly admits that she is hurt, and heads outside to talk to Adam. She tells him that she made a big move, and although many others were involved she is taking the heat. Her goal is to “write a new story, and give it a better ending”. She continues on about how the game is not “about being safe”, but Adam admits in the diary room that he’s not that interested except for the fact that it is furthering his game. This carries on as Shelly says in the diary room that she is only playing for her husband and child, and “they haven’t seen ruthless yet. They will, because I will fight to win that veto and I will fight to watch them go out of this house.”

It is veto competition time, and there’s no meeting ahead of time since everybody will be playing. They walk out to see dummies of their original partners. After a few witty comments about seeing these ousted players once again, Porsche describes how they all have to hang on to their old partners once again. Yes, yes, yes, this is the “most critical veto of the season”.

The buzzer rings, and the players are lifted up in the air. Rachel notes that most of the players are primarily using their arms, and she’s going to do what she does best – wrap her strong legs around “Brendon” and hold on tight. Sure enough, in less than three minutes Adam and Kalia are already struggling. It’s quite funny to hear Adam again say that he HAS to win this veto, and then almost immediately drop off at the 4:34 mark. Shelly says she’s “absolutely disgusted”.

At the 8:37 mark, Jordan also drops. Now Rachel is a bit bummed, but she is going to pull it out for the two of them. Around the ten minute mark, Kalia farts…yes, really, although she denies it. Shelly begins to struggle at the twelve minute mark due to her back and arms. Jordan mouths to Rachel how sorry she is, but also notes that Shelly is about to fall…which she does at 12:02. She now has to rely on Porsche and Kalia, and Rachel begins to whine about the floaters just coasting by.

After they past the 16 minute mark, Rachel remarks that she is not going to come down, and Porsche is now struggling. She drops at 18:33. It’s now between a whining Kalia and Rachel. Yeah, you know how this turns out, even with Rachel claiming that she is slipping. Rachel again calls out to Kalia that she is going to win this one, and Kalia cracks a joke on how she knows how much Rachel loves to hang on Brendon. (BTW, Kalia also adds a diary room crack on how his name is Brendon, not “Brennnnon”.) Kalia finally drops at 32:09, meaning Rachel has indeed won the same competition she won in the first week! “This is for Brendon! This is for Jeff!” Porsche feels guilty for taking the Pandora’s Box as she has to now put up Shelly and Adam.

When we return from another commercial break, everybody is heading back in after the veto comp. Shelly knows that she has to “do some swift talking and some good planning or I’m going to be heading out the door”. She heads into a bedroom, while Rachel and Jordan celebrate in the storage room. Rachel loves the fact that the “two backstabbing floaters” will now be on the block. Jordan complains about how bad she was in the comp, but also says they can’t listen to Shelly’s bullshit.

Adam is in a bedroom complaining about how awful he has been throughout the entire season, especially being the only guy left. Back to the celebration, as the girls laugh at how excited their boys will be when they see Shelly walk into the jury house. Rachel continues bashing Shelly for dropping so fast when her “life” depended on it, but Jordan doesn’t like that as she also dropped pretty quickly. Rachel points out, though, that Shelly hasn’t won anything “or done anything special” all season. Rachel’s goal is to evict Shelly this week. “From this point forward, Jordan, it’s me and you.”

Porsche and a bandaged Kalia are whining in the storage room, but Kalia’s goal is to separate Jordan from Rachel. “Remember, I’ve never broken my word to her.” She also points out that Shelly and Adam have done nothing all season. “Honestly, they’re no better than Jordan.” Since Plan A didn’t work, they have to move on to Plan B, which is working with Rachel.

Shelly finally moves out of the bedroom, and heads into the have-not room to ask Jordan if they can talk. “You gonna jump down my throat”, she responds. Shelly says in the diary room that she wants to clear the air with somebody she respects so much if she is indeed leaving this week. Jordan apologizes for her part in Thursday’s fight, and Shelly breaks down in tears as she claims that she realized in the past week that she was putting Jeff and Jordan ahead of her own family. “I actually tortured over this decision. At the point of it happening, I knew that were insurmountable consequences and I have paid the ultimate price for it.” She adds that at the end, Jordan would have made the same move if it was between her and Jeff. Jordan responds that she was at her “breaking point”, and although they hug and make up, Rachel says she doesn’t think she could ever trust her again. “I’ll forgive Shelly, but I definitely won’t forget.”

After another break, Shelly is back to work on Rachel and Jordan. She says that if they work together, she knows that she won’t make the final two. “You guys will be in complete control, but if I can help you guys get where you want to go, I am happy to help. I can only beg for forgiveness. I can’t change what has happened.” Rachel, who had been grinning through this entire speech, says that they will need help with the votes in the next round. She wants Kalia out next, and Shelly vows on God and her family that she will not go against the two of them. Shelly does not want Kalia, Porsche, or Adam in the final two slots. She even says that she’ll quit if it is between her and either of them to make the final HOH. In the diary room, though, she admits that she’s just doing whatever it takes to make it further in the game.

It is now time for the veto ceremony, and although they still have Rachel and the rest of the house goes through the motions, there is only one possible outcome. Rachel indeed takes herself and Jordan off the block, and they’re replaced by Adam and Shelly. We leave with the usual celebrations from Rachel and Jordan, and promises of fighting to survive from Shelly and Adam.

So that’s it! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Your thoughts on the Pandora’s Box twist? Shelly’s apology? The worthlessness of Adam in any competition? Was I positive enough for you guys this time? Any other comments? Please let us know!

Sunday
Aug282011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 23 Recap

To say that I’m not excited about tonight’s episode would be quite the understatement. Events in and out of the house have soured me on this season, and what should be an interesting episode is dirtied by the knowledge of what happened after tonight’s events were taped. It’s a shame on many levels, especially after the excitement and fun of Thursday’s double eviction episode.

I have a job to do, however, so here I sit in front of my television on a cloudy Sunday evening. We’re going to be shown a HOH competition, a few flashbacks, and tears. A lot of tears. A lot of whining. We’ll even see a screamfest or two.

Unlike most shows, we actually start a day before the live eviction show with Rachel heading up to the HOH. She asks Jeff if it is true that he threw the “cornhole” competition. Jeff denies saying it OR doing it. Rachel reiterates that since it has to do with her fiancé, obviously she is going to be upset. Jeff gets upset, even though it is true. He adds that he is “heartbroken” because apparently he talks “night in and night out with his heart” to Shelly, but she must not actually be on his side.

We jump to two hours before the eviction episode, and Shelly and Daniele are all smiles as the cast heads out of the HOH lockdown. Jeff says that he’s had “just about all I can take of Shelly and her buddy buddy with Daniele. Enough is enough. If you’re not working on that side, why are you talking so much to her? I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Shelly approaches Jeff and asks “what is up your ass today, meanie deanie”. Jeff replies, “too much fucking back and forth. I don’t like it anymore. Everybody’s best friends.” He walks away, and Shelly knows that somebody has “spilled the beans”.

We’re now ninety minutes from the episode, and Shelly asks Adam how he’s voting. Adam says he’s still voting out Daniele, and Shelly asks if he’s been telling Jeff about their conversations. She presses him, and he says that Jeff is just getting paranoid. Adam adds in the diary room that he wants the final four to be him, Shelly, Jeff, and Jordan.

Adam starts playing around with Jeff, and he pulls him into the purple room to confer about what Shelly is up to. He rats out Shelly, and somehow Shelly overhears and interrupts them. She starts yelling at Jeff and says she’s “done nothing but be a horse, go in, and do everything. Now all of sudden you’re think I’m doing a swithcerooni”.

For the first time ever, Adam stands up to himself and asks Shelly if she wasn’t rustling votes for Daniele. “You’ve been in on the plan the whole time”, Shelly responds. “Did I say yes to it”, he asks. “Yes, you did!” Um, no. Adam walks out and Shelly continues to claim she’s been doing his work behind his back.

The argument moves into the hallway as Jeff points out that she hung herself by admitting to something that Jeff and Adam weren’t even talking about. “You just told on yourself.” Shelly’s response is that EVERYBODY but Jeff and Jordan has been in on the plan. This goes on and on, and in the diary room Shelly admits that she’s basically telling Jeff what she hopes he wants to hear to get back on his good graces. Good luck to that.

It’s now one hour before the episode, and Jeff asks Kalia to leave the room so he can talk to Adam, Jordan, and Rachel. Adam continues to narc off the rest of the house, and Jordan asks how he is voting. “I’m voting Daniele out.” Once again, Shelly overhears and walks in asking to sort out their situation. Jeff says they were on a team, and Shelly again deflects the blame to Adam. Round two is similar to round one until Adam starts laughing. Shelly asks why he’s laughing, and he says it’s due to her “spinning”. This is by far Adam’s best episode as he repeats over and over “why do you want to keep Dani so bad?”

Shelly finally drops the obvious fact…I mean bombshell…that nobody can possibly win at the end next to Jeff and Jordan. Jeff’s mouth drops to the floor, and Jordan says she is “in shock. I’m super disappointed. I think she used our big hearts to get her farther in the game.” Shelly goes on, claiming that Adam has been in these talks with Dani just as much as everybody else has. “Everybody has to explore their options in this game.”

Jeff retaliates by asking why she told Rachel about the thrown competition. Shelly responds that Dani told her that, but Jeff says she should have asked him if that was true. Meanwhile, Porsche and Rachel are seen in other parts of the house listening in. They both agree that they don’t want to deal with the fight.

Meanwhile, Jeff starts in on how Shelly rides the fence way too much. We’ve been saying that all season, Big Jeff! “Jeff, I can explore whatever I want.” It finally ends with Shelly walking out of the room, and Jeff walking past her saying it hurts. “It hurts me, too”, she responds.

After commercials, we recap the events of the live episode starting with the announcement that it is a double eviction week. Shelly mumbles something about how it is the worst week for it, and she’s as “scared as a cat on a hot tin roof”. Hmmm, I could have some fun cat lady comments to accompany that remark but I’ll refrain. The footage of Daniele being evicted is shown, and Kalia compares it to the “most bittersweet drink” because she is safe but is losing her best friend. Jeff doesn’t feel bad, obviously, and Shelly knows that her vote for Daniele means she has completely burned her bridge with Jeff.

They listen to the cheers for Daniele, but Jeff is still seething. Jordan says she HAS to win this HOH to protect Jeff and Rachel. She tells Rachel she’s ready to go! We then see Jordan losing to Rachel, who says she HAS to make it a good one. Obviously, Shelly also feels good about this win, but Jordan is bummed because she knows Jeff is “super disappointed”.

Adam is also bummed as it was an HOH “I should have won”. Um, you were out first, big boy. “Not just for me, but for my team.” Again, when did you go out? Yes, you were the only one who missed the first question. Shelly is conferring with Kalia and Porsche on what to do, and her idea is to put up Jeff and Jordan. Kalia says it is better to put up Jeff and Rachel, especially as she does have a promise to never put up Jordan.

Kalia announces her nominations, and Rachel says it is because she is scared of both of them. Rachel promises to win the veto, but instead it is my girl El Camino! Porsche thanks her dad for taking her to the ball pit as a kid, because the scripted lines say it “paid off”. Rachel is “100% convinced” that she is going home as she is “public enemy number one”. As they walk in, Jeff reminds Porsche that he saved her the previous week. Porsche shrugs it off as meaning nothing, and Jordan starts crying. “It’s only fair that Porsche would use the veto to save Jeff this time.” Instead, Porsche heads into the storage room to do a little dance.

Obviously, Porsche doesn’t use the veto, and Jeff obviously complains about the move. “Do you have any idea who you are right now?” Yes, Jeff, she’s the person booting you out of the game. Jeff tells Adam that he needs Shelly’s vote. Jeff pulls Shelly aside and asks if she’s going to vote him out. Shelly wants to rehash their earlier fight, and he commands Adam to vote for him. She complains about how he has treated her, and that she should give him another chance.

Julie announces that the votes are a tie, and Jeff immediately looks at Adam and asks “you didn’t vote for me”. Adam says he did vote for him before Kalia gets up to make the decisive vote. Rachel is shocked, and thinks her and Jordan are screwed. As Jeff gives out his hugs, he complains about people’s characters, and Shelly reiterates how the only way she can win money is to evict Jeff. “That was the hardest decision I’ve had to make in the game.” Jordan says on a scale of one to ten on anger, she’s at a twenty.

Jeff heads out, and Jordan hustles away in tears. She asks Rachel who voted against Jeff, and complains how they “have nobody”. Shelly is also crying, and both Porsche and Kalia tell her she did the right thing. Somehow, though, Kalia is able to be cocky about being the person who eliminated Jeff. Adam is still destroyed that Jeff didn’t believe his best friend in the world voted for him, so he makes sure that Jordan knows it wasn’t his vote.

Adam goes off into the purple room to feel sorry for himself, and Jordan and Rachel join him. “Oh my god, how did that happen”, cries Jordan, who also complains on how she gave up her phone call from home to Shelly. “I was so stupid for trusting Shelly.”

Shelly is also still in tears, and Kalia tells her there “is no crying in Big Brother”. Shelly gets on her soapbox once again, and says she has to “fight for my family”. Jordan is still complaining about how stupid she was to befriend Shelly, and this time Shelly hears it and says if that is what she really thinks then she doesn’t know her. “When you calm down, then we can talk.” Shelly says she’s not playing Jeff’s game, and feels like shit, too. Jordan jumps up and starts screaming at Shelly, and for the first time ever Rachel plays the peacemaker by pulling her into another bedroom.

It’s finally time for the HOH competition, and it is a variation of the snake game they’d been practicing all week. Jordan feels that it is an accurate representation of the Big Brother house, as Jordan and her are “surrounded by them”. The players have to roll a ball down the snake to it’s “eye socket”. If they don’t make it, their score is what hole the ball falls into underneath the platform.

Jordan starts off and gets a 18. Porsche is the second player, but her ball lands on the 11. Rachel’s score is a 13, while Shelly makes it to 16. Adam’s ball immediately falls at four. This round set up the rankings for the actual competition, though.

Adam now goes up against Porsche. He gets a ten, and Porsche has an easy path to win her round. She gets a 14 to move to the next round. Yes, once again Adam is the first one out.

Now Porsche goes up against Rachel, and Porsche hits a 20. Rachel now has to make it into the snake’s eye, but almost immediately drops at seven. “I just wanna go home”, she says on the sidelines. Porsche now goes against Shelly. Jordan hopes that Porsche loses so that she can go against Jordan. Instead, Porsche makes it into the snake eye, and Shelly’s ball drops at fifteen. It’s now Porsche versus Jordan. After hearing form Rachel how Jordan is playing “for our lives”, Porsche…oops, commercial time.

Ok, we’ve returned from the break to see Porsche’s ball slowly make it’s way right into the snake eye once again! Jordan has one last chance, but her ball drops at sixteen. Porsche is HOH! Go El Camino! “Now I get to make the decisions in the house!” Well, as we shall see later, not so much.

Porsche and Kalia start doing the worst dances known to mankind as Rachel and Jordan continue their tearfest. “Goodbye, Big Brother house”, Rachel complains as she heads into the bedroom. Shelly nabs Adam, and, of course, all is forgiven as it is officially time for Adam to jump sides once again. “I need to go where there is the most protection”, he explains.

Jordan and Rachel continue to cry, and Rachel doesn’t understand why she is suddenly so terrible at this game. Jordan wants to just give up, as “day 55 will go down in history with me as the worst day ever. I lose every competition, and Jeff leaves this house. I’ve cried so much that I can’t even cry no more.”

Now it is time for Big Brother to do it’s job to ensure that their ratings makers last a bit logner. Porsche heads into the HOH to find a pandora’s box. “Awesome”, she squeals. Porsche reads the card that states the usual crap about how the box could mean something good or bad. “Hopefully, good for me”, she says. The screen shows two boxes with $5,000 written on them, and a bottle of champagne with two glasses. “I like champagne”, she reasons. She opens up the card, and it says to claim the prize she must decide whether to open the box.

She thinks about it a few seconds, and wonders if there could be something bad. She decides to go for it, and has to open another card. She has to split the ten grand, and has to grab another envelope to read to the rest of the house. She’s now pretty nervous as she pulls everybody into the living room. The card states that she has “unleashed the duos twist back on the house for one week”, and “all the original duo rules apply”. Duos are nominated as a pair, and if the veto is used they will be removed from the block as a pair. Suddenly, Rachel’s tears are gone, and Shelly is pissed!

The card concludes with the statement that everybody must pick their partners, and this is where everything dies for Porsche. Rachel and Jordan obviously team up, as does Porsche and Kalia. That leaves Shelly and Adam. This basically takes away Porsche’s HOH week, as the smart move for her would have been to have Jordan and Rachel paired with her and Kalia. Instead…well, let’s just say nice job, CBS!

Porsche knows she’s screwed, and Rachel knows this is the greatest thing in the world! Kalia says she’s pissed that Porsche went for the Pandora’s Box. Jordan says it “feels so good to know that there is a chance for me and Rachel to pair up together, fight together, and get who we want out”. Yes, meaning Shelly.

The episode ends with the announcer saying that there will be an “epic” battle for veto shown on Wednesday. Um, no. Anybody who has viewed the live feeds knows this is not the case, as you will see in three days. Until then, let us know what you think of this episode? Is Shelly really a snake? Is the Pandora’s Box a convenient way for the producers to keep in the vets? How about Adam’s almost perfect record as the first out of every competition?

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