Big Brother Season 13 Finale

The day has finally arrived – tonight we crown the winner of Big Brother 13? Will it be Adam, the only male Tori Spelling fan in the world who somehow believes he’s an All-Star? Will it be Porsche, the owner of multiple sweat suits and whose deadpan one-liners anger the cat crowd who don’t comprehend the concept of sarcasm? Or will it be Rachel, the veteran who constantly lets everybody know she’s had to “fight for her life” every week, but leaves out the little tidbit that production is always there to lend a helping hand when all hope appears to be lost?

We could just jump ahead 85 minutes and hand the check to what seems to me is an obvious choice, but we have lots of pomp, circumstance, whining, and self-important declarations to sit through. Once we get through the obligatory Julie Chen intro, a lengthy “previously on Big Brother” segment, and a bunch of cheese, the show commences where we left off last Thursday – the endurance competition that starts the three –part final HOH.

They all start off by talking about how they need to win, although Porsche adds in that maybe it’s not that important thanks to her final two deal with Rachel (who also mentions that she doesn’t know if she can trust Porsche). Nice job on the script-reading, kids!

We’re at the ten-minute mark, and Adam is already struggling. Porsche says she’s not feeling that great either. He’s really struggling at the twenty-two minute mark, and attempts to stretch his legs. Rachel is incredulous at his whining. Sure enough, he jumps off at the 28:58 mark. He says he has to “save any strength I have left for part two”. Silly boy.

Jump ahead a few minutes, and Porsche is asking Adam how Rachel is holding up. “She’s good.” Porsche says she’s “feeling a little ill”, but is “staying up here for dear life”. She says she’s feeling nauseous, though, while Rachel says she can stay up all night. Rachel wants her to drop so she doesn’t have to “hang out in throw up butter”. Porsche’s knees start to buckle, and she’s off at 46:10. Rachel gives a smile and thumbs up to the camera, and then tells Porsche she “did really good”. That’s actually funny!

Yes, Rachel, we know that Brendon would be so proud. Porsche hopes that she can beat Adam in the second part to ensure her place in the final two. Obviously, so does Adam.

After commercials, it is time for the second part of the HOH, which both Adam and Porsche have to perform separately. It’s an underwater maze, and since Porsche apparently loves swimming she is confident she’ll do well. In the maze is the names of the house guests, and they have to place each of the previous HOH’s in order.

Porsche jumps in, and after making a “joke” about not practicing anything underwater, she finishes the competition. We don’t get to see her score, but she thinks she could have done better. After the obligatory “I have to kick ass” speech from Adam, he starts working on the names. The goggles get in his way, though, so he tosses them aside. Unfortunately, now he can’t see at all. Great job, Tori-lover.

Adam jumps out and grabs the goggles, but he’s lost lots of time. He finally finishes, and Rachel reads off the scores. Adam’s time was 6:03, but Porsche’s was 3:50! Porsche will now battle Rachel for the final HOH! Adam just hopes that whoever wins will realize their best shot is to take him, and Rachel reads the diary room cue cards well enough to express doubt.

Now we jump to the jury house conversation, and Shelly asks who they want to see come next. Jeff wants it to be Kalia and Porsche, while Brendon hopes it is Porsche. Daniele wants to see Rachel (“shocker”, says Brendon), while Shelly is hoping for either the “coaster” (Adam) or Rachel.

And in walks Kalia – “hey guys!” She fills them in on Rachel’s win, but luckily we’re interrupted by Jordan’s appearance. For some reason, Brendon jumps up excitedly. Oh yeah, because that means that Rachel is still there. Jordan fills them in on what happened, and says that she thinks Rachel should win. Daniele counters that although Rachel whines about floaters, she’s “the biggest floater in the house”. (Hmmm, I think I’ve heard that line on The Big Brother Gossip Show!) Brendon counters that switching up strategy is a way to play, but Daniele says that she treats people like shit. Brendon’s response? “I always said she’s as smooth as a rhinoceros in a china store.”

Kalia, though, says that she has changed her mind about Rachel, and that she has had the toughest road to the end. Shelly, though, doesn’t think there is any point where you have to “viciously, maliciously tear people out personally and then send them off with half a million dollars”. Jordan brings up the lies and the mean things Shelly has said, though, but Rachel’s “level was different and not strategic”. Jeff says that they had plenty of chances to get rid of Rachel.

They move on to Porsche, and again Jeff whines about how he never talked to her. Kalia congratulates her on her “chill” way of playing, but Jordan said she did nothing “but walk around in a bikini and cooked”. Kalia also points out the wins Porsche had, and that she had much more than Adam. Jordan counters that he showed his loyalty, and Jeff agrees that it “is a big part of the game to me”. Shelly again points out that he “waffle-waffled” the entire game. Jordan is still hung up on her opinion that Porsche did nothing until “day 52”, but Daneile points out that Adam is a “piggy backer”. Ok, I’m officially bored.

Ooooh, Shelly brings up how Kalia and Porsche played “Dani’s game”. Uh oh, Kalia is pissed. “I played my own game, and we played together. End of story! Period!” Thank God that’s over!

Now it is time for the final competition of the year. It’s Rachel versus Porsche in a question game about the jury members (which in some ways is not fair to a noob). The first question is about the moment Brendon doesn’t want friends and family to see, and they both are wrong. The second question is about  Daniele’s opinion of the most shocking moment, and Porsche changes to the wrong answer. Shelly’s question is about her most fatal error, and they both are again wrong. Jeff’s question is about the best thing about being in the house, and AGAIN they are both wrong! Kalia’s question is about the  biggest lie in the house, and again Rachel is correct. She has won the final HOH!!!

After commercials, it is time for Rachel to pick her runner-up – I mean second final two candidate. Porsche goes first with the final plea, and she doesn’t say much but the typical stuff. Adam gives a  shout out to the metal heads at Yankees stadium (note, they’re not watching), and then says that he was NEVER a floater, unlike Porsche. “Last year, you said floaters grab a life vest. This year, floaters grab a paycheck?” Ugh.

Rachel then stands up, and after telling Julie “no” to whether she is ready, she gives the “fight for her life” speech before evicting Adam! Porsche and Rachel are the finalists! He gives one last metal cheer before heading out, and then (stupidly) milks the crowd for more cheers and high fives. He even hugs poor Julie!

Julie asks if Rachel made the right decision, and points out that he was not great at competitions. He believes he did very well at the end, but ultimately Rachel made the right decision “because if I had made final two I would have won.” Um, no you wouldn’t. Thankfully, we’re done with him already.

It is now time to introduce the jury, and I’m surprised there are no boos when Shelly walks out. Julie then introduces Adam as the seventh member of the jury, and Brendon is (obviously) ecstatic. The two finalists are then beamed in for jury questions, and Brendon goes first by asking Rachel about whether she should be rewarded for the hurtful things she’s said. Once again, we get the “fight for my life” speech, and that she should win on game play. Oh yeah, and she’s sorry if she offended anybody.

Jordan goes next, and asks Porsche her patented “bikini and cook” question. Get over it, girl. You did little more. She points out that she had the golden key for the first month, and played a social game instead. Kalia asks Rachel what she did besides winning competition, and AGAIN we get the “fight for my life” speech. She adds that her biggest move was evicting Kalia, who she thinks would have won if she had made final two.

It is now Shelly’s turn, and she asks Porsche when she started playing the game. She claims she started in the first week, but Keith screwed up her game. Yes, again we got to hear once again about the golden key. Neither of these girls have a lot to say, I guess. We’re already finished – I guess Daniele, Jeff, and Adam don’t get questions.

One more commercial break later, it is time for the final pleas of the last two players. Rachel goes first, and ONE MORE TIME we get the “fight for my life” spiel. ENOUGH!!! She adds that she was the person who exposed Daniele’s plan of backdooring Jeff, and also giving the boot to Kalia. Somehow, she also deserves credit for playing without Brendon.

When she finally concludes, Porsche she points out that they were the people who kept her in the first week, and Adam gives her a dirty look when she says she got second place four times and won four competitions. A couple of minutes later, and I have no idea what she said.

Here we go – it is voting time. Brendon’s key goes in first, and we know his vote. Daniele is next, and she tells Porsche she adores her but Rachel is “lucky that it is not a personality contest”. Oh boy, the cat ladies aren’t going to like that line! Jeff is the third vote, and he says “I don’t have anything cute to say”. He just congratulates them both as he puts in his key.

Shelly says she loves the heart they both have, but just not as much as Brendon loves Rachel. Kalia struggles with her dress, and then says something she didn’t say all season – “I don’t have a lot to say.” Instead, she just says “pajamapajama”. Jordan says hi to Rachel and that she misses her. “You both did good.” Adam is last up, and he again says he would have won if Rachel hadn’t evicted him. “I got four answers right in that final HOH. If I didn’t throw my goggles and didn’t smoke I would have won this game…the next time I come back for All Stars I’m winning this game!” No, you won’t!

Before we get to see the votes, though, we get a little bit of time with the first five evictees. We start with Evel Dick, and Julie asks about the veteran’s alliance he created. He says it was a “would have, should have, could have been the best alliance that has ever played the game if they had stuck together. But my lovely daughter blew it open with an atomic bomb, and there it went.” Daniele agrees, but says that the biggest mistake players usually have is making alliances on the first day. “I wanted to work with the people that I actually cared about and had relationships with.”

Julie asks if Daniele’s move to boot Jeff was a dumb move, and he jokes he’d rather talk about his daughter “behind her back”. He says that it was “typical in playing too hard, too fast”. He thinks she should have had secret alliances with the noobs, and let them do the dirty work.

Talk moves to Cassi and what surprised her the most. She jokes that it is how cute Adam is without his beard. She says that Shelly shocked her but she played a great game. Shelly is asked to respond, and she says that she does “adore” her but she just had to play both sides of the house since she is not a competitor. Jeff is asked to weigh in on this topic, and he says that they had made up in the jury house. Cat ladies, you can call off the hounds on Shelly!

Julie then asks Kalia about her non-existent strategy of “biting her tongue”. Now that she isn’t playing the game, does she have anything she wants to say? She still thinks she “bit her tongue a lot in the house”, but feed watcher never saw it! She claims that she did play her own game, and that she “is nobody’s slave”. We go back to Jeff, and whether he made up with Daniele. He jokes about giving back each other’s “friendship bracelets”, but admits that he does not like her. Uh oh. Julie ends the segment by reminding everybody about the America’s Choice prize.

FINALLY it is time to reveal the votes! We know the first vote (Brendon) goes to Rachel, but Daniele voted for Porsche. Jeff’s vote went to Rachel, as does Shelly. Kalia, though, votes for Porsche, but Jordan’s vote goes to Rachel FOR THE WIN! Censors, be careful as Rachel’s ass is about to escape her tiny dress.

As we head to the final credits of the season, Julie reveals that Adam voted for Porsche. The final score was then 4 – 3. The America’s Choice prize obviously went to Jeff. Who didn’t predict that?

So there we have it. What did you think of the finale? Or the entire season? Anything stand out as exciting, funny, weird, or noteworthy? Let us know!

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 28 Recap

The moment I’ve been waiting for all summer is finally here. I’ve got my beer and a bunch of snacks next to me as I try to patiently wait for the battle involving both veterans and rookies. Who will be prematurely knocked out of the game? Will the vets use their experience and maturity to outwit the rookies? Who will cast the first blow against their opponents to set up a run for the championship? Thank God football is back!

Oh wait, I’m on the wrong channel. Oh well, it still works as an opening to tonight’s final regular season episode of Big Brother. We have two vets, Jordan and Rachel, and two rookies, Adam and Porsche, fighting to make it into the final rounds of competitions. Adam already guaranteed himself a place in the final three with his perfect score in last night’s HOH competition. Tonight, he’ll nominate two of the other three players, and one of them will be evicted after a veto competition/ceremony. After that, the remaining three will end the show with the start of the first part of the three-part final HOH comps.

After Julie’s introduction, the show begins with a look back at Kalia’s eviction. Porsche is happy to have survived, but she is bummed that she no longer has a strong alliance member. Adam believes his refusal to use the veto proves he’s “firmly in with the veterans. I chose my side. Here we go.”

Kalia heads out the door and Jordan apologizes to Rachel for making her be the deciding vote. She adds in the diary room that her vote was a “strategic move for me because I can tell Kalia that I never broke my word with you. That could possibly be a jury vote for me.” She explains to Adam that she changed her mind the previous night, but Rachel is kind of pissed. “Why do I always have to get blood on my hands? Seriously, Jordan?”

We jump to the end of last night’s HOH victory for Adam, and he says it is a relief to finally have a victory. “My lips are getting a little chapped from kissing a lot of veteran butt, so this week these girls will kiss my butt the way I kissed their butt all season.” Ewwww, but also the most truthful thing he has said all year.

Porsche admits she “sucked at this competition. I definitely wasn’t a reading comprehension student.” Yeah, that’s also pretty honest. She hopes that Adam won’t put her on the block. Jordan says she’s excited for Adam, but she’s also nervous. “Adam, how much sucking up can I do?”

Immediately, Adam lets out a metal scream about seeing his HOH room, and we get the usual Sunday night segment of pictures, smiles, and (in my house, at least) boredom. Of course, he gets bacon and a Tori Spelling picture.

Porsche immediately starts kissing Adam’s ass, helping him carry his stuff into the HOH. “I’m nervous”, Jordan says as her and Rachel watch. Porsche admits that she’d be kissing any HOH ass right now, and she dutifully sits and listens to Adam ramble about how beneficial it is to win this final week. When she finally gets to speak, she says that she wants to be next to him in the final two. Yeah, duh. She adds that while she knows Adam is close to Jordan, she doesn’t want to be with her in the final three.

It’s now Rachel’s turn to grovel, and she’s not happy about kissing a “floater’s butt”. Especially that one, right Rachel? She gives her usual HOH speech, and Adam is clearly loving every second of it.

Finally, it is Jordan’s turn, and she says that he HAS to help her out. Adam admits that while he wants Rachel out, he also kind of wants to “go head to head with her”. Good idea, bacon boy. “You’d understand if I had to nominate you?” Jordan responds that she knows if Porsche wins veto, she’ll put her out, and asks what he would do if he won veto. “We’ll see what happens.” Wow.

Jordan is pissed. “She doesn’t deserve to be final three. Oh my God, Adam…after all we’ve done for you?” Adam just smiles and bumbles his words, but Jordan says she can read his face.

After a commercial break, it is nomination time. This is really a waste of valuable TV time, as it is the veto competition that really matters. Everybody goes through the motions, though, and Adam ultimately nominates Jordan and Porsche. He says “the best night sleep I’ve ever had in this house is the night I won the veto (or was given the veto) and took myself off the block. Rachel has done that already; you two have yet to do that. I’m giving you that opportunity. Earn it, please.” Rachel likes the speech. “Good speech”, she says.

Rachel is shocked and excited, but she does know she HAS to win the veto to guarantee her place in the final three. Jordan agrees, saying she has to quit “lollygagging” and “buckle down, get focused, and win this veto”.

Once we return from another break, it is time for the veto competition. It’s called “Jukebox Veto”, and Jordan says either her or Rachel must win. There are 20 game-related clues on each jukebox, and they have to place pairs of names that match both clues. The first to correctly complete the stack wins.

They all go through the motions of saying that it is important to win, and we’re off. Adam gets the bottom question within seconds, and is confident that he’ll win. Porsche’s strategy is to come up with all of the answers first, and then start stacking.

As she has the entire season, Jordan gets confused. Meanwhile, Porsche has them all lined up, but after hitting the buzzer she discovers there is an error somewhere. Both Rachel and Adam say that kicks them into the gear, but poor Jordan is still lagging behind. Porsche thinks she has fixed her error, and jumps off to win the veto! Adam now admits that it may not be a bad thing to have another noob in the final three, and Rachel cries that she just wanted to do well “for Brendon”. Jordan is also obviously bummed, as she wanted Porsche OUT!

Back inside, Rachel is actually more upset than Jordan. “After losing, I should go home”, says Jordan. Meanwhile, Rachel sneezes, whines, and cries as Jordan continues to say she deserves to leave. Rachel’s main concern seems to be that Brendon may be pissed. They run into Porsche as they had into another room, and Rachel hugs her. Jordan says she feels really bad as they have worked together really well, and tells Rachel that if she makes the finals she will win.

Porsche and Rachel are now drinking wine in the kitchen, and Rachel asks to go talk to her in the purple room. “Jordan is my friend, but I’ve come way too far to go out without trying.” Rachel says that if she saves her, she has a pretty good shot at making the final two as both her and Adam would take her. “if you take Jordan, she’ll probably take Adam.” She continues sucking up to her, leading Porsche to giggle, “I like your arguments.” Porsche says in the diary room that she needs to weigh her choices. Rachel may have made that promise, but she has a better chance at beating Jordan in the final comps.

It is now time for Porsche’s big decision, as we head to the final veto meeting. Obviously, Porsche decides to use the veto on herself, meaning that Rachel is now on the block. Rachel goes first in addressing Porsche for her final plea, and she tells them all how proud she is to spend the summer with them. She eventually stumbles on her words, and concludes. Jordan then gets up and says since she already campaigned she knows she’s going home. She tells Adam that she loves him, and his word is gold, and “Farah is a very lucky woman”. She tells Rachel that she is happy with their friendship, and the way she thinks of her walking out of the game is completely different than when she first walked in. Finally, she addresses Porsche by saying that while they never really talked, “I know you like wearing bikinis and hosting competitions.” She concludes by saying she hopes that her and Jeff’s families are not disappointed.

Porsche then stands and after a bit of nonsense, she evicts Jordan. Jordan then heads out the door, and Julie begins the interview by asking why Porsche voted her out instead of Rachel. Jordan says Porsche is like a “poker face to me”, and that she never got to know her. She then asks about the comments to Adam, especially given that he nominated her. Jordan just says that he had to put up somebody, and she knew he wouldn’t put up both her and Rachel.

Julie’s conversation moves on to Shelly, and Jordan says she was “playing too personal and I wasn’t really playing smart. She was so nice, and I got so caught up in her niceness. Kind of like a mom away from home. I felt really comfortable with her. You can’t trust anyone in here. Even if you’re a mom, you still can’t trust a mom!” Julie also asks about how it seemed like Jordan threw in the towel the last few weeks, and Jordan’s response is how they balanced each other out. When asked what is next for Jordan, she admits she came back because Jeff wanted to do it, but otherwise it will just be “the same old thing”.

Final comments end the segment, and Porsche says that it was because of her closeness to both Rachel and Adam that made her send her home. Adam once again calls her “sweet, sweet Jordan” but otherwise his love and gratitude frankly make no sense. Rachel apologizes for not saving her in the final veto, and is happy that they are now such good friends. “Our boyfriends have the bromance of the century, so we can have our chickmance. Go to the jury with your head held high because you’re an amazing person and I’ve made a lifelong friend in you.”

So now the real fun begins, as the start of the first part of the three-part final competition begins. The competition is called the “Big Brother Mixer”, and the last person hanging on the mixer blade wins. The “mixer” is hanging above a giant vat of butter, and after it spins around a little bit other “ingredients” are spit on them. When we return from another commercial break, we see that the mixer has also lowered them partway into the pit.

We’re done here. What did you think of the episode? Did Adam betray Jordan? Did Porsche make the correct move? Who will win tonight’s competition? Please, please, please tell us your thoughts!

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 27 Recap

Wow, we’re officially one week away from the conclusion of this season of Big Brother! Are you excited for the season to end? Would you rather that we jump right into a new season?

In less than an hour (actually, 23 hours ago since this was pre-taped last night) we’ll know the identity of this year’s final four. Has Kalia’s non-stop jabbering paid off? Who will be the next-to-last HOH? While leaked reports have already informed me of the results, I can’t wait to see for myself.

After Julie’s intro, we start off, as usual, with the reactions to the nominations of Porsche and Kalia. Rachel says that because Kalia has come “after me more time than I can count, girl, I’m coming after you”. Porsche says there’s “no way I’m leaving this game yet”, and somehow believes her and Kalia are the “strongest competitors left in the house. There’s no way we’re going to go down without a fight.” Kalia complains that while her and Porsche have been allies, now they have to “battle it out, and I’m pretty sure Porsche is going to do the same”.

Kalia and Porsche head to their favorite room – the bedroom. Kalia becomes Mrs. Captain Obvious, stating that if either of them wins the veto then Adam would have to go up. Porsche says the only sure way that both would stay is if Adam won the veto. Jordan would then have to go up. Kalia’s worried, though, about whether Adam would indeed use the veto.

Adam is off by himself in the purple room, and Jordan comes in to talk to him. He guarantees that he is going to win, and Jordan points out that if he took one of them down then she’d have to go up. Adam reassures her that she doesn’t have to worry about him. Jordan is not quite convinced, but she knows that he can’t flip.

We now jump right to the veto competition. Despite Jordan’s scripted silliness, this is indeed the “OTEV” competition, where a house guest is described by a shark. The players then have to find the “pie” with that person’s name. If everybody guesses correctly, then the last person up is out.

Once we get through everybody talking about how they HAVE to win this, we finally get started. The first question is about who called Daniele a Judas on the live show. Brendon “Berry Pie” is the correct answer, and once again Jordan is the first out.

The second round is about the winner of the candy store competition, and Dominic “pudding pie” is the correct answer. Rachel is now eliminated…so all their hope is on Adam. The third round is a “soul patch” joke, and Kalia is the last to answer “Peanut Butter and Jeff” pie. She begins crying, and although Rachel pats her on the back she laughs in the diary room.

Now it is the final round, and Adam says he HAS to win it. The question is about the person who lost all 17 competitions they play in, which is “obvi” Shelly. Porsche is the first up the platform, and she says she realizes that she screwed up by grabbing Keith instead of Shelly “Jelly Pie”. She heads back down to find it, and Adam makes it up in time to win! Yes, Jordan, we know you want him to keep the nominations the same.

After a commercial break, we head to the jury house. While they all joke about who they want to see come in (and obviously, Jeff wants Shelly), guess who walks in? She tells them about the Pandora’s Box duo twist, and admits that she’s been scared to see Jeff. After Jeff tells Daniele to shut up, he asks her “what’s up with us, Shelly?” We get to once again hear the “I’d get no better than third” speech, but Jeff wants none of it. “You went with someone who breaks promises as opposed to someone who doesn’t?” Shelly then repeats herself, and claims that she “protected” him and Jordan. Um, Shelly, even if Rachel did say that, you didn’t “play the best game in the house”.

Finally, they all sit down to watch the DVD of the week’s action. Watching the veto comp, Daniele says it would have been “awwwkward” if she had to straddle her dad. When they see Adam drop at the four minute mark, Daniele makes a crack about him throwing comps. Brendon says Rachel “comes through when she has to” as we see her outlast Kalia at the end. Shelly says that she offered Jordan and Rachel everything in the world if they kept her, and Jeff laughs at this story. “Welcome to jury house”, concludes Brendon.

After another commercial break, it is the aftermath of the veto competition. Kalia heads into the bathroom to cry. “I’m mad that I didn’t win the veto, and I’m mad that my whole fate is in Adam’s hands.” She complains that he never makes any “big move” in the game, and that “it’s so unfair”.

Jordan is upstairs taking a shower, but is still worried that Adam will use the veto. We immediately jump to the night, and Kalia reminds him that they had said “newbies no matter what to the end”. In the diary room, Kalia claims that “I can sell water to a frickin’ well. I am a really smart, intelligent person. I know people, and I have the gift of frickin’ gab. I’m going to get it for me because it’s a very logical argument.” Um, no. You don’t. That doesn’t stop her from talking and talking and talking. Thankfully, this is only an hour-long show.  Still, Adam perfectly reads the script to make us unsure of what he is going to do.

It is now veto ceremony time, and Adam claims he’s going to make a “big move to further my game”. He calls everybody into the house, and obviously does not use the veto. Kalia’s face disintegrates from a smile to a frown as Adam says that he’s a “man of my word. I know you’re upset with my decision, but you have to respect it.” No, she doesn’t and won’t.

Sure enough, she bitches in the diary room about what a cowardly move he made. Rachel is beaming, and we end the segment with Kalia rushing out of the room.

It’s now the moment of truth, and Porsche gets the first final plea. She doesn’t say a lot but talks about how she loves everybody. Kalia then gets up and immediately goes after Adam. “Please start playing like all-stars and stop playing like a fan.” She asks Jordan to “vote with her heart”, and then complains to Rachel that she “can’t keep complaining about putting out people that play this game if you’re going to keep doing it”. (Ooh, if looks could kill.) She says she’s feeling “jacked for trusting the wrong person again”. Ugh. How does she think she’s such a strong player?

Voting begins with Jordan, who votes to evict Porsche. Adam then votes to keep Porsche, leading to a tie that Rachel must break. She stands, and after the usual speech about how she’s fought so hard she evicts Kalia. She puts down the infamous black queen that she stole with Daniele earlier this season, and heads out the door.

Julie starts off by asking about the “newbies to the end” plan, and Kalia repeats that she trusted the wrong people. She wanted to beat the vets, and we’re already done with her. Wait, what happened to the supposed infamous goodbye message from Rachel???

It’s now HOH competition time, and Julie starts off by showing footage from the other night when the fortune teller woke up to give clues all through the night for this comp. Obviously, it’s a true/false question competition regarding these clues. The first question is about Jeff’s clue, and they all get it correct. The second question is about Brendon, and Jordan is once again the first with an incorrect answer.

For the third question, it’s about Cassi, and this time Porsche is wrong. Keith’s question is next, and again Porsche is incorrect. The fifth question regards Dom, and again Porsche is wrong. The last question is about Evel Dick, and they all get it correct. Adam is the new HOH with a perfect score!

 We end the show with one last chat with the house, and Adam says that it is so amazing that the only thing that would top it would be if Tori Spelling was in the house. “Wait, that already happened!”  Ok, now please be quiet. Julie then asks Porsche about surviving the vote, and says she was too “flustered” to do well in the competition.

The show then ends with Julie describing the last two episodes (tomorrow and next Wednesday) and the credits roll. What did you think of the episode? Are you happy with Kalia’s departure or Adam’s victory? And what about the promised fireworks from Rachel’s goodbye message? Or Jordan’s supposed breakdown over Rachel’s deciding vote? Tell us what you think!

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 26 Recap

We’re finally in the home stretch of this season. After tonight, there will only be three more episodes of the show. While the activity in the house has slowed WAY down, there are a lot of events that must be squeezed into these last hours. Tonight, we’ll get a HOH competition, a Pandora’s Box, and nominations. Yes, you heard me right – ANOTHER Pandora’s Box. Trust me, while tonight’s Pandora does little to affect the game, it will be even more annoying than the nullification of Porsche’s HOH that was the result of her opening it.

Tonight the show kicks into gear with the “gooey doughnut” HOH competition that was still in progress as Thursday’s show went off the air. There’s no real reason to recap this. The goo was tough to get through, especially for Kalia. Adam initially kept up, but Rachel jumped way ahead and won! Oh yea, and everybody at some point said it is the most important HOH of the season. One more thing, Adam is extremely pissed that Kalia voted against him. Oh yes, and Rachel’s HOH victory was “for Brennnnnon!” Ugh.

After a commercial break, Rachel and Jordan celebrate in the storage room. Rachel is excited about whatever deals may come their way, and Jordan says that they HAVE to separate Porsche and Kalia. Rachel responds that she can’t make any deal with Kalia because she would vote her out the next week. “We need Adam to work with us.”

Adam is now in the bathroom, and a showering Kalia wants his attention. She apologizes for her vote against him, explaining that she believed she was voting with the house. He says that it’s “all good”, and Kalia explains that the “last thing I need is one more enemy in the house”. Adam responds in the diary room that “her word to me means nothing”.

He’s now in the bedroom still stewing over Kalia’s vote, and Porsche walks in and tells him she’s glad he survived. Porsche says that she wants two noobs in the end so that the voting “is based on play”. He asks her if she thinks Rachel is just going to put up her and Kalia, and Porsche agrees.

Kalia is now seen snoring in the bedroom as Rachel leaps out of the diary room with her HOH key. Everybody gathers but Kalia is still sleeping, which makes Rachel (and the viewers) laugh at how that’s all she does. Yes, Rachel, we know your HOH room is “amazing”, especially with all of your pictures of you and Brennnnon! Hey Kalia, you’re not exactly a fashion model yourself, so don’t be dogging Adam on his looks. God, I hate this weekly segment!

Uh oh, now it’s time for Kalia to talk to Rachel. She complains that she has never lied to anybody, and has (like Rachel) battled so hard the entire season. Really? I sat through this 45-minute speech the other night, and even in a shortened version it is hard to keep my eyes open. Rachel’s only response is that she “want to play with competitors. I think it’s a travesty that Brennnnon, Daniele, and Jeff are in the jury house.” This actually shuts up Kalia for a few seconds, and her only response is that she’s “really scared”. Rachel asks if she would take her and Jordan over Porsche to the final three. Of course, Kalia says she would. She’ll say anything to survive. In the diary room, Rachel adds to the hype by saying it’s the “most important decision I’ve ever had to make in the Big Brother house so far”. Nice script reading!

After another commercial break, Jordan and Rachel are filling airtime by talking about what they’re going to do after the show is over. Wake me when this segment is over, especially as Rachel talks about car insurance.

With that segment finally over, it is time for Porsche to grovel. She asks Rachel what she needs to make it further, and Rachel explains that she needs somebody she can trust. “I just don’t know who to trust.” When Porsche doesn’t exactly give a glowing answer to Rachel’s query, Rachel whines a bit about how she thought the two of them could have been a team throughout the entire season. Porsche says if she wants to start working together, she will promise not to nominate her next week. In the diary room, Porsche admits that this is not entirely true but she’ll say whatever she needs to make it through the week.

More filler, as Jordan is asking Adam about his girlfriend, Farah. Yeah, this is sickening, especially when Adam says his girl doesn’t like being called Donna Martin in bed. Yes, he really did say that! We then get a flashback montage of Adam’s obsession with Tori Spelling. Can you guess what this is leading up to? Jordan says in the diary room that her advice to Tori would be to run if she ever saw Adam.

Sure enough, Rachel heads into her HOH to discover another Pandora’s Box! After reading the first card, Tori Spelling is shown on the HOH room’s television. Not only is she waving, but there are a bunch of clothing racks behind her, and somehow Rachel is able to observe that she “has a wedding show!” What? Oh yeah, it’s a Grodner script.

Rachel opens the second card which says the only thing better than a visit from a celebrity is a shopping spree with a celebrity! But remember – “with every temptation comes a consequence”. Rachel claims that unless it was a Brennnon reunion she can’t open it. Well, after more scripted thoughts she finally does open it…as we go to commercials.

When we get back to the show, Rachel walks into the Pandora room to find…Jesse!!! Ugh!!! Rachel gets a celebrity shopping spree with Mr. Pectacular! Rachel is pissed. “He is not a celebrity!” Not only is Jesse in the room with Jesse merchandise, he’s wearing a speedo! Well, not quite a speedo but too close for my taste. Gross!

Meanwhile, downstairs Adam walks into another room saying “wake me if something exciting happens”. He’s even  pantsless when the doorbell rings. Jordan waits for him to zip up before answering the door, and as you may expect it is Tori Spelling! Yeah, Adam goes nuts as the least deserving player in Big Brother history gets his own prize!

Kalia tells Tori that Adam is obsessed with her, and she says “I might have heard something about that”. Poor girl. Tori says her baby is due in a month and a half, and “if it’s a boy I’m naming him Adam”. Oh please.

They show Tori around the house as Jesse shows Rachel his merchandise. She gets to see Tori on the monitors, and freaks out. Adam shows Tori his duck, and she kisses it. My God, the diary room stuff from Adam is as awful as expected! Ugh, he even tells her the story about calling his girlfriend Donna Martin while lying in bed. Jordan is mortified! Both “couples” get pictures taken, but obviously Adam is more excited about this than Rachel.

Tori then announces the shopping spree for the guests, which is the typical game of throwing on as many clothes as possible in three minutes. Tori then leaves, and they all head outside for this luxury task. Thankfully, this also means that Porsche will no longer have to wear the same two pairs of sweats for her final days in the house. Rachel is beyond bummed as she watches them gather clothes while Jesse blathers on. “Porsche doesn’t even deserve this!” Jesse finally leaves, and Rachel heads downstairs with her Jesse gear. “I hate you all!” She informs them of being stuck with Jesse, and Adam thanks her.

Frivolous time over, Adam heads upstairs to talk to Jordan and Rachel. Adam does the only thing he knows how to do…grovel. He apologizes for turning his back on them last week, but says he wants “to play with people who respect the game, and I really don’t think they do”. He wants to go to the final three with them, and Rachel says she doesn’t know what she’s going to do. He says that those two (Porsche and Kalia) must go up this week so they can’t save each other. Rachel is conflicted, though, as she abhors the idea of keeping a weak player like Adam…but at the same time she acknowledges that keeping somebody she knows she can beat is a good option. “If there’s any weak player in the hosue, it’s definitely Adam.”

Adam leaves, and Rachel and Jordan both agree they want to be final two with each other. “I refuse…refuse to let two people be in the final two that slept this whole season.” Rachel agrees, and laughs about Kalia’s “competitor speech”. Yeah, Rachel, we all do. “We already got tricked by Shelly”, advises Jordan. “We can’t get tricked by other people.”

Although a superlong commercial break had me holding the clicker in my hands, I didn’t make the change. It’s finally time for Rachel to make her nominations, and after everybody does their contracturally-obligated poses and script reading Rachel calls everybody into the house. Jordan’s key is pulled out first, followed by Adam. Kalia and Porsche are nominated, and Rachel says it is because they nominated her. “May the best man…I mean woman…or man win.”

Porsche claims that she is the strongest competitor in the house besides her (well, I guess that could be true), and after winning the veto she is going to come after Rachel next week. Kalia says she expected the nomination – “payback is a bitch named Rachel”. Rachel says she’s not scared of either of them, and says “the game didn’t start on day 55”.

So there it is – the last Sunday episode of the season. What did you think of tonight’s show? Were you excited or dismayed at the sight of Jesse? Or Tori Spelling? Or Adam’s story of calling his girlfriend Donna Martin in bed? Did Rachel make the right move in nominating Porsche and Kalia? Let us know what you think!

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 25 Recap

We’ve officially hit the home stretch of season thirteen of Big Brother. There’s less than two weeks left in the season, and after tonight we’ll have five people left in the house. Outside of the competitions, the game is basically over. The feeds feature very little game talk these days, as everybody knows almost everything possible about each other.

In some respects, tonight’s episode is just going through the motions. Feed viewers know with almost perfect certainty the person that is going home tonight, although everybody thoughtfully provided enough footage for CBS to infer that it is still up in the air. Besides the eviction, we’ll get a competition for what will be billed as “the most important HOH of the season”, along with our first view of Brendon, Daniele, and Jeff in the jury house.

As you may expect, after Julie’s introduction we get to listen to the predictable responses to Rachel and Jordan being replaced by Shelly and Adam. Rachel and Jordan are ecstatic; Adam and Shelly not so much. Oh boy, and a “Jochel” comment from Rachel. Porsche is bummed that her HOH week has been ruined (she still hasn’t drank her champagne), but at least she realizes a “trained monkey” could do her job.

Shelly heads into a bedroom to contemplate what it will take to save herself. She thinks that she notices the fortune teller start to move, and gets up to play with it. Unfortunately, all of this happened before the veto competition, let alone the veto ceremony. We talked about this on last week’s episode of The Big brother Gossip Show, as Shelly sat in the room for three hours hoping for a miracle.

She’s now outside sitting with Rachel. Shelly explains that if she gets Rachel’s vote, she’ll also get Jordan’s. Suddenly she believes doesn’t need the fortune teller as “I can talk my way into this final three all on my own.” Good luck with that! She goes on about how Shelly is the perfect pawn, and that Adam will not protect them like she can. Rachel gives her a glimmer of hope by saying that she respects her game more than “floater” Adam, but she still doesn’t completely trust her to follow through. Shelly has some diamond heirloom that she wants to use as collateral for her promise. Rachel adds that she thinks that Shelly has played the game better than anybody in the house. Oooh, as a final twist it turns out that this expensive ring is just a fake copy of the real thing.

Rachel heads in to talk to Jordan about this idea, but Adam walks in just as Rachel begins her pitch. Adam explains that he’s been completely true to them, except for the week that he followed Shelly down the wrong path. Jordan says that if they let him back in he has to do whatever they say. Adam admits in the diary room that he hasn’t been the best player in the world, but he promises to do whatever they want. Rachel has him completely figured out, though, and says she thinks “Adam is just playing everyone”.

We’re back to hanging out in the backyard, and Rachel and Jordan tell Shelly that they need to have somebody who won’t backstab them. In the diary room, Rachel goes on that it may be smarter to keep a person like her to keep the heat off them. Once again, Shelly apologizes for voting out Jeff, and Jordan responds that she has to feel “secure” that she won’t just run back to Kalia and Porsche. Shelly asks for them to come up with something to prove that she’s with them. Jordan pokes around by asking if there are any competitions that she threw, and Shelly says only the banana comp. Unfortunately for Shelly, video footage showed that this was a lie, as she didn’t even try to win the puzzle comp from two weeks ago.

Shelly walks away, and Rachel explains that the “logical thing is to keep your enemies”. Jordan is confused, as she doesn’t know whether to play “strategic or personal”. Nice work, CBS, as enough doubt has been created for the upcoming vote.

After a commercial break, Julie interviews the house. The first question is about Jordan teaming up with Rachel, who interrupts her answer by saying she’s the “best”. Jordan admits she’s a “handful, and she’s very entertaining. I never get bored with her.” Kalia is asked about her first thoughts about Porsche’s Pandora’s Box, and she says “oh girl, I hope it was worth it”. Shelly is then asked what was the most difficult part of what was obviously a bad week. Yeah, it “broke my heart” to upset Jordan. “The hurt that she felt just crushes you.” Adam is asked what the best part of being the only man in the house, and he says the question should be reversed as to what “it’s like to live with the sexiest man to ever play Big Brother”. He carries on about all of his female friends, appletini’s, and 90210. Ugh. The segment ends with Rachel’s question about seeing Daniele enter the house. Yes, we get the “he was shockkkkked” response.

Yes, it is time to go to the jury house. Brendon is working out, and says that he’s been enjoying his time alone studying, picking oranges, and playing ping pong. He’s hoping for a ping pong partner, but in reality he’s just joking. On the one hand, he’d love to spend some alone time with Rachel, but is really hoping that the next evictee is Daniele.

Daniele then enters with her trademark “shockkkkker”. Brendon couldn’t be happier. She fills Brendon in on his week, and Brendon says it was much deserved. They sit down to watch the footage, and Daniele makes a crack about how she’s not used to being in jury unlike the loser Brendon. Ziiiing! After the footage ends, Brendon asks if she wants to see Jeff as the next evictee. She says part of her does, but as the limo pulls up she says that it should be Adam, as he doesn’t “deserve to win this game. Adam will do whatever Jeff wants to do.” Jeff then walks in the house, and again we get to hear “shockkkker”. We head to another commercial break.

When we return, the footage of Jeff walking in is replayed, along with him asking “is our alliance still good?” Brendon says he was surprised, but Daniele is excited. “Karma!” “Karma is what got you out”, Jeff replies. Daniele says once again that she had no desire to go after Jeff, who complains admits his departure was a “tough pill to swallow”. Jeff fills them in on how he was evicted, and about Shelly’s vote against him. “That’s rad”, says Daniele. Brendon points out that maybe they should have kept their original vets alliance.

They all sit down to view the footage, and Jeff says he is “going to throw up” as he views Kalia win HOH. The veto comp is then shown, and Jeff says “oh my god” as he sees the clown shoe that he inadvertently tossed out of the ball pit. Brendon advises him to not play the “what if” game, but Jeff is seething. Both Brendon and Daneile crack up at Porsche’s “that’s what Daniele would have wanted” remark before not using the veto. The eviction is then shown, and Jeff is bummed that he didn’t get to give Jordan any advice before walking out the door. “I hate clowns. Now I really hate them.” He admits that he wants Shelly out next, and says that she “pinpointed” him from the beginning. So much for the “explosive” footage we were promised.

Porsche is now up in the HOH to talk to Julie, who starts off by asking if she regrets opening the Pandora’s Box. I think you know the answer to that. She did get some money for her and Kalia, though, “so I guess it wasn’t so bad”. Julie’s followup is about the status of Jordan and Rachel’s final four deal, and Porsche says since it happened before Pandora it probably doesn’t stand, especially since they haven’t “filled Kalia in on how they were going to vote”. Julie concludes by asking who she would have the best shot at winning against, and Porsche says that she wants Kalia or another noob so that people don’t have to pick sides. “I want it based only on gameplay”, and adds that she thinks she has a good shot against any of the other vets.

Finally, it is time to vote, and Shelly goes first with the final plea. She thanks her family, and turns to Jordan and Rachel to tell them they are “the most important people in this room”. Kalia’s eyes light up a bit as Shelly goes on tell them “you’ve got to pick somebody now that’s going to ride with you, that’s going to go with you, that’s going to go all the way and do what we need to do to get through this game. These other people can’t say that. The past is the past. I’d like to put that behind us. The present is that room where you’re going to go cast a vote. I want you to cast that vote for me as I am with you 100%.” I must say that Kalia’s reactions to his are hilarious.

Adam is next, and he says that he had a “long speech about wizards and dragons and all things metal”. His speech is nothing like Shelly’s, as he just says they have to vote how they have to want to vote”, and that he has appreciated his time with them.

Voting finally commences with Kalia, who votes to evict Adam (“although it apparently doesn’t count”). Rachel then votes to evict Shelly, as does Jordan. Shelly is officially voted out 2 – 1! It is all hugs and smiles as she leaves the house, though.

After noting that Shelly is a “fighter”, Julie asks about the ring she offered. Shelly admits that it wasn’t real, and then says that it was her big move that led to her departure. Julie suggests that she should have waited to make that move, but Shelly says that she didn’t think she’d have another chance. It was an “early big dumb move”. Julie asks if she’s worried about having to now go meet Jeff, and she says she wants to “build that bridge back up with them” by apologizing. “Everybody loves Jeff and Jordan, and I loved Jeff and Jordan coming into the game.” She adds that when she saw Jordan’s reaction ten minutes later she regretted her move. Julie also asks about the lying, and what size of a wall they’d need for her to write her sentences apologizing for the lies. Shelly’s response is that her daughter will be making her write lots of sentences.

On to the final goodbyes, and Adam notes that she “played yourself out”. Porsche thanks her for her cleaning, and her motherly advice. “You told me when my skirt was too short, and my bathing suit was a little too sexy”. Kalia also thanks her for being her mom away from home, and notes that she did vote for her. As expected, Rachel is cocky as usual and comes right out to tell her that the promised ring was not worth a half million dollars. She goes on about how she tried to play the mother, but she didn’t need motherly advice. Jordan’s comments are as nonsensical as expected, and she repeats the “fool me once” cliché that she used at the beginning of the show. Shelly ends the segment by saying how much fun the experience was, but I have a feeling she’ll have a different opinion when she hears about how it affected her family last week.

So it all comes down to the HOH, and we have a bakery setting for the competition. Yeah, Adam is not going to win this one. The players have to make their way through a gooey pit, and through another pit of sprinkles. They then return doughnuts back to their stand, and the person with the most at the end is the winner. I predict a Rachel victory.

Sure enough, she’s the first to grab a doughnut, but Adam is not far behind! Kalia and Jordan are far behind. Unfortunately, we won’t find out who wins until after the show is over, so stay tuned to this site for info! BTW, as the goes to the final seconds, we find out there is another Pandora’s Box on Sunday, and next Wednesday and Thursday we’ll have evictions.

What did you think of this episode? Was Shelly’s last second plea worth a thought for Jordan or Rachel? How about the jury footage? Let us know your thoughts!

Update on Thursday, September 1, 2011 at 7:39PM by Scott

As expected, Rachel did indeed with this HOH. On another note, producer Alison Grodner tweeted during the show that Rachel was not happy with Jordan's description of her as a "handful".