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Entries in Episode Recap (107)

Wednesday
Aug032011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 12 Recap

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no recap for Sunday’s show. I had a good reason, though, as it was my nephew’s ninth birthday. Sure, I could have gone back and written something later, but our live recap of the “endurance” competition completely covered it, and that was over half the show. The other half was Brenchel bullshit, along with a touching Lawon cameo and an annoying “elf”, concluding with the nominations of Brendon and Rachel. Oh yeah, and the President made a cameo (for east coast viewers, at least).

Truth be told, I’m even less excited about tonight’s broadcast. America’s least favorite couple is bound to be the focus of 75% of it, especially with the attention-whoring stunts they pulled the past few days, and I’m beyond sick of them. Maybe we can get Obama to once again interrupt this travesty of a show.

So let’s start right off with the reaction to the nominations. You can pretty much write this segment yourself. Brendon promises to win the veto, and that Rachel will be coming after Daniele. Jeff isn’t shocked, and thinks Brenchel are a better target. He’s still worried about being backdoored. For some reason, Daniele thinks that she’s Robin Hood, “stealing from the rich to give to the poor”. Say what? She adds that the rest of the house is “too scared to make a big move. I think big moves take you really far in this game.” Of course, Rachel is in “tears” as she promises to come after Daniele as payback. “I’m back with Excalibur.” Um, ok. Nice job, diary room, in teaching her a new word.

The so-called “power couple” heads into the have-not room to whine about what happened, and Jeff and Jordan join them. Jordan says that this is not what she expected, and Rachel claims that Daniele wants to pull off a guy that “she can’t compete against”. Rachel says that if one of them wins veto, then Jeff will go up. “I’m not, I’m not an idiot.”

Shelly then walks in and asks what is up, and Brendon goes off on Daniele, saying she has “declared war on the house”. No, she’s doing you a favor. Brendon then jumps into cheese mode, saying that if he’s evicted they’ll still be married for the rest of their life. Ugh.

The others leave the room, and the romantic music kicks in as they embrace. It is pity party time, and Brendon says that if he wins the veto he’ll pull himself off. Oh God, this goes on as Brendon cries in the diary room. ENOUGH!!!

Wait, I started to fast forward as Brendon was babbling some big word, but I stopped as he said “I only know that because I’m a PHD student.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING??? Holy shit, these two are fucking disasters. The romantic music continues, and the vomit continues to rise up into my mouth.

Meanwhile, Jeff and Jordan are alone in another room, and Jordan is still shocked that one of them didn’t go up. Once again, we hear about how one of them will have to go up if they win veto. Jordan volunteers to be that person. Brendon and Rachel then walk in, and this week’s circular discussion carries on.

For some reason, Daniele heads downstairs to console Rachel, and says that she hopes Rachel doesn’t take it personally. In the diary room, Daniele adds that she was trying to cover her back for the future, but Rachel will have none of it as she whines about not making friends in the house. Yeah, this goes about as expected as Rachel complains about Daniele “tearing my heart out”. In the diary room, Rachel calls her a “mean girl”, and I can’t really understand anything else she has to say.

Thankfully, it was time for commercials, and when we return it’s time to pick veto players. Jeff says he wants to be picked for the competition to ensure that nominations stay the same. Sure enough, his name is the first name pulled…which pleases Daniele. “He knows if he doesn’t compete to his fullest, him or Jordan have a big possibility of ending up on the block.”

Rachel pulls out Adam’s name, and Brendon couldn’t be happier as he’s “one less person I have to worry about”. Brendon pulls out Porsche’s name, which causes another diary room screamfest from Rachel. This time, though, she’s screaming in excitement. Danielle chooses Lawon to be the host.

Before we get to the game, though, it’s time for more babbling about the situation from Jordan and Jeff. They decide to talk to her to remind her of their deal, but they both agree that next week they’ll go against it to nominate her. Jeff says the best plan would be to backdoor her. “Whoops!”

Ok, now it’s time to play the game as Lawon comes out wearing a Flavor Flav clock. They head outside to see an obstacle course of almost all the games they previously played. To play the game, everybody has to predict the time it will take them to complete each task. The person who predicted the quickest time performs the task, and If they go over, they’re out. If they make it through in time, then the person who chose the longest time is eliminated.

After hearing from everybody how they have to win, we finally get going. The gumball portion is first, Rachel chose the quickest time, so we have to listen to Brendon go on and on as he cheers heron. Kalia makes her weekly cameo as she says that’s probably how they’re like “in the sack”. Rachel makes it under the time she predicted, so the highest time (Adam) is out.

The second round is the “superhero puzzle”, and Rachel predicts an impossibly low time. Brendon is not happy with her. Needless to say, she doesn’t make it in the time she chose. The third round is the “hairy leg” spelling game, and Jeff knows this isn’t his expertise. After saying that she wanted to be slightly longer than Brendon, Daniele ends up being the lowest prediction. She doesn’t make it in time, and she’s out. Yep, Rachel is happy with this outcome.

Next up is the “cow milking” game, and this time Jeff does want to win. We get a flashback of Porsche and Keith’s embarrassment in the original game, and she picks a crazily high time. Jeff has the lowest time, and he “has” to win to protect him and Jordan. As time ticks away, we head to commercials.

When we return, the final seconds tick off…and Jeff’s milk bottle overflows just a second or so after his time is up. Daniele is bummed. It’s now Porsche and Brendon in the final golf round, and Brendon’s prediction is just two seconds shorter than Porsche. I think you know how this turns out. Yep, Brendon gets a ball in the hole with two seconds left. Yeah, this again gets sickening as Rachel straddles Brendon.

The celebration continues inside, and Brendon’s bright idea is to make everybody think that he’s going to use it on himself but instead use it on Rachel. Somehow, he thinks that will mess Daniele up. And again, we get the bullshit “knight in shining armor” crap.

Jeff is still beating himself over losing the veto, and they’re now worried that Brendon and Rachel will cut a deal with everybody to make sure both of them stay. Jeff thinks that Jordan has a lesser chance of going home if she’s nominated.

Kalia is now seen eating some of Daniele’s food (big surprise), and they’re surprised when Shelly knocks on their door. Immediately asking who Daniele wants to get booted, Daniele replies that it is in Brendon and Rachel’s hands. After she leaves, Daniele and Kalia talk about how “sketchy” she is. Suddenly, we’re led to believe that Shelly is a potential candidate for a nominee. Yeah, right. She decides to talk to Jeff and Jordan.

After another commercial break, Jeff and Jordan come up to visit Daniele. She informs them that she will do “whatever I can to keep you both here. I’m nervous because I hear that Brendon is taking himself off the block.” Jeff says that he’s heard that he’s pulling Rachel off, and Daniele asks them to find out exactly what they’re doing. Jordan volunteers to be the pawn, if she really is the pawn, but Daniele is worried that if Brendon doesn’t take down Rachel she could somehow pull off a victory.

They dutifully report to Brendon their conversation, and Brendon still claims that he’s taking himself down. Jordan says that Jeff and Brendon have the best chance at destroying the game. Brendon says that if she still wants to play with them, she should put up Lawon. Yeah, like that’s going to happen.

It’s now Brendon and Rachel’s turn to visit Daniele, and as she would say – “awwwwkward”. Brendon says that he’s going to use it on himself, and wants to know if Daniele is willing to work with them. Daniele’s response is that since she doesn’t vote, she doesn’t have any power. Brendon wants her to put up a floater, but Daniele doesn’t think that will save them. Daniele couldn’t look more disinterested as Brendon babbles on, but the background music is designed to make it sound like she’s actually considering Brendon’s bullshit.

Finally, we get to the moment of truth, and Brendon is still proud of himself as he talks about how he’s going to surprise everybody by using the veto to save Rachel. “This is going to be awesome!” No, it won’t. Daniele plays along, though, saying that it makes the choice of replacement nominee that much harder. Jeff is also worried because Rachel “will do anything to stay in this house”.

The veto meeting is called, and Brendon asks Rachel why he should save her. Why we have to endure this is beyond me, as of course he announces that he’s going to use it to save Rachel. Daniele then gets up and talks about how if she wasn’t HOH she would be the one on the block…and leaving on Thursday. She adds that she doesn’t want to make any new enemies, and nominates Jordan as the replacement nominee.

As we head to the final credits, Brendon continues to be proud of himself. He thinks that he “got” her, but Daniele says she couldn’t be happier. “My number one target is remaining on the block, and if I can single-handedly get the biggest threat out of the house, kudos to me”. Jordan says she has no clue…yeah, we know…and she hopes that she really is the pawn. The final word is on how Rachel feels like a “fairy tale princess because my knight in shining armor saved me from the wicked witch in the HOH room”. Oh please.

So that’s it. Tomorrow Brendon is (probably) going home, and we’re also promised a special visit from Evel Dick. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Are you ready for that conceited ass to head out the door? Who will be the next HOH?

Thursday
Jul282011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 10 Recap

He walked into the Big Brother house a 25 year-old virgin. Homeschooled by his mother, who never met a girl good enough for her son’s precious loins, he has always been surrounded by privileged, pretty people. It’s doubtful a day went by without somebody reminding him about his charm, looks, talents, and smarts.

Just under a month later, Dominic will be leaving the Big Brother house tonight a virgin. Without a doubt, he’s probably learned a few things about people and life. I’m sure this is the first time he’s spent more than a few condescending minutes with people whose looks, body shape, and, most importantly, hair weren’t as perfect as his.

While he didn’t bust his cherry, I’m also sure his relationship with Daniele taught him valuable life lessons about dealing with women that are more worldly than him. A twinkle of the eyes may be a pleasurable thing, but it also can lead to bad things…especially when said woman messes with the feeble mind of another woman who never lets anybody get between her and her HOH.

So let’s have a good evening saying goodbye to a man-child who slowly inched his way closer to being a man. Will we see him again? Probably, as a viewer’s choice poll will probably reward him over Keith and, sadly, the beautiful Cassi.

Before we get to his expulsion, though, we must spend a few minutes creating a tiny bit of doubt as to whether he actually leaves tonight. Like always, we kick off with the reactions to Brendon’s non-use of the POV. Dom and Adam both say they’re not surprised, but still think Brendon and Rachel will honor the word. Jeff, of course, is happy, but Daniele thinks Rachel is on some “crazy pills”. Well, yeah, that’s obvious.

We move to the HOH, and Daniele comes in to complain that she’s going to be pissed if Dom goes home. Brendon asks why it’s so imperative that he stays, and Daniele says that she needs another person with her to even up the couples. Brendon says that he’s upset that he’ll turn on them, and Daniele asks if they trust Adam any more than Dom. Ok, circular argument #1 has begun, as Daniele tells Brendon that she’s pissed. She has a good point, though, as she says in the diary room that he can’t talk down to her like he does to his girlfriend.

For some reason, we now move on to Jordan talking to Kalia. Jordan says that they had heard people were secretly plotting to evict them, and Kalia denies it. Thankfully, CBS shows the conversation Kalia had with Daniele planning to do that very thing! Kalia claims that she’s done everything that the vets have asked her to do, and just to make sure who we’re talking about CBS shows a shot of Daniele as Jordan complains about people creating doubt.

Jeff and Dom are now hanging out a bit, and Jeff says that he just wants Dom to admit that he’s wrong. “You fucked up, and you’re going home.” Dom denies that he’s targeting Jeff, and they move from the kitchen to the “purple room”. Circular argument #2 commences, and Jeff doesn’t hear the words he wants to hear. “He’s just lying right to my face, and I can’t have somebody like that in the house.” Dom is now pissed that Daniele’s plotting is blowing up in his face.

Now we move to Jeff and Jordan talking, and Jordan admits that she was listening in on his conversation with Dom. Kalia is in the room, and after she leaves Jordan tells him the conversation that they had. Jeff thinks they should just gather the entire house together and “start throwing people under the bus”. Brendon has wandered in, and he also wants a house meeting. Oh, you silly kids.

Attempting some weird sort of damage control, Dom heads up to the HOH to “clarify things” with Brendon and Rachel. He says it was never his idea to backdoor Jeff. Oh, Jeff is also in the room, and he takes over the conversation again. Dom was originally not the target, but it was Daniele’s plotting that screwed him. Dom’s only excuse is that he didn’t create the idea, and Jeff’s big bitch is that Dom didn’t report it to him. “You’re an accessory to backdooring me.” Circular argument #3 is in full force. Oh wait, Rachel pipes up and says she does want to save him because she hates floaters, and “Adam is the ultimate floater”. To create a little doubt, Jeff ends the chat by saying that it’s “not over until you leave the house”.

Once commercials (finally) cease, it’s time for the idiotic house meeting. Oh Lord, I wish Matt Hoffman was in the house tonight. Kalia heads outside to talk to Brendon because they haven’t talked much since she made her deal with the vets. She complains that she doesn’t feel like she’s in the loop anymore. Brendon says that all he hears is “lies, lies, lies”. He tells her that he feels that she’s playing both sides, and he has to be right because he’s a “rocket science”. He also throws out his worst insult of all – floater – and basically blows her off. She finally gets up and he calls out to her to start doing her own dishes.

Kalia wanders into the house, but says she should keep the door open so he can hear what she is obviously running to tell everybody. She slams the door shut and starts babbling about how she is apparently the “biggest floater in the house”. Hmm, I’ll stay away from that line. She continues on into the bedroom, and the rest of the outside crew scramble inside.

Somehow, clicking the lid of her jug is how Kalia shows her tough side, as she adds in the diary room that she will “not roll over for anybody”. Jordan decides it’s time to bring everybody into the kitchen for a discussion, including the cup clicker. Let’s start circular argument #4. Brendon complains that she “scurries around telling everything to her boss”. Kalia’s response is that she knew nothing would come of the backdoor plot. Daniele is sitting there, but her name is never mentioned as they all bitch about a mythical other person who created Kalia and Dom’s problems.

Kalia says that the person in question is her “friend”, and Rachel pipes in about how said friend would sell her out in a heartbeat. Finally, Daniele responds, and calls Rachel an “idiot”. Uh oh, this sets off Brendon, who says that nobody can call his fiancé names and that her friends are taking the fall for her idea. Jeff wants to know why he’s the target, and Daniele says it’s nothing personal. He’s just a tough player. Rachel finally just shakes her head and says, “Daniele, you’re ridiculous”. Daniele promises that she’s going to win HOH, and boot one of these fools. For some reason, Lawon makes his nightly cameo and says he’s also playing to win. Really, Lawon?

Once the false doubt is created, it’s time for Julie Chen’s insipid questions to the house. She starts with Kalia and her drama in the house meeting. She wants to know where things stand now, and Kalia babbles some bullshit that at the end of the day you don’t have to like “everybody in the world”. Brendon is asked for his reaction, and he tries to crack a joke that he indeed does like everybody in the world. Good one, rocket scientist boy. He adds that it is an intense game, and at times they all say something they don’t really mean. Carrying on, Jeff is also asked, who says there are “definitely some lines drawn in the sand”. He puts on a holier than thou act as he says he doesn’t play “that” kind of game. He is asked about the house meeting, and it is more nonsense.

Julie points out that Daniele probably doesn’t agree with Jeff, and is she surprised there is this much tension already? Ugh, what a stupid question. Daniele giggles and says “absolutely not”. She says she came to play a game, and not be a part of a dictatorship.

Final plea time, and Adam is up first. He thanks his family and friends, and says the general bullshit line about meeting strangers and liking them all. Dom then stands and he also claims to like everybody, but “I think some of you guys are spineless jellyfish that really are riding on people’s backs, and you don’t have a chance of winning if you play like that. I think you guys need to man up, get some guts, and fight for you and not anybody else.” He adds that he thinks they all collectively “suck at the game, and that if he had a player that had a spine to play with me, except for the last week, I think we’d have a game being played”. Wow, Adam gives him an interesting look after that comment.

Voting starts with Jeff, who obviously votes to evict Dom, and calls his speech “terrible”. Jordan is next, and also votes to evict Dom, as does Kalia. Daniele votes to evict Adam, as she’s “not afraid to go against the King and the Queen”. After a commercial break, Brendon votes to evict Dom, as does Shelly, Lawon, and Porsche. Dominic is evicted 7 – 1.

It’s all hugs and kisses, however, as Dom leaves the house. Julie begins the interview by asking about the speech, and he says that it was directed at all the noobs. He says he “wanted to light a fire” to help Daniele. Of course, Julie has to ask about his feelings for Daniele, and he says that she was “the only one who wanted to fight with me”, and that they had a real bond. Julie then asks about throwing the veto, and why he trusted anybody in the house. He claims that his only chance was to work with the veterans, but he denies that he overplayed…except in the beginning. He also claims that he targeted Jeff because Jordan would never target him, while if Brendon or Rachel were booted the other would come after him full force.

Interview concluded means it’s time for final goodbyes. Shelly starts off by saying she feels bad for him, but that he’ll learn soon that when it comes to women “you can live with them and you can’t live without him”. Daniele says she came into the house this time with the plan to “play like a robot without any emotion.” She’s “really, really sad” to see him go. Lawon says they’re “boys for life”, and he will never get rid of him. Why oh why does Lawon only come to life for diary room bullshit? Jeff and Jordan are next, and of course it’s all about targeting him. Only this time, it’s Jordan’s turn to copy Rachel’s “nobody comes between me and my man”. Cat ladies all across the country are now in tears.

Uh oh, instead of going to a commercial, Julie gathers everybody back into the living room. Twist time! She congratulates the final ten, and that the duo twist is over. But…duh duh duh! “The summer and the twists are far from done.” Wait, that’s it? Ugh, CBS!

So it’s time to start the HOH competition, and it is indeed an endurance competition. Everybody is hanging on a wall for a contest called “Big Brother Slalom”, and they have to stay up on their “skis” for as long as possible. Uh oh, Brendon, this is a contest designed for people with small feet! The first five to drop has to grab a giant snowball that has something good or bad inside, and one of them is a $10,000 prize!

The game starts, and the “skis” begin rotating back and forth. After a couple of minutes, Julie jumps in to announce that the mountain “looks a little steep”, and it appears to move a bit. And I mean a bit. As we head to the final commercial break, we hear a voice we’re bound to hear all night- “you got this, guys”. I forgot how annoying Rachel is during these types of competitions.

We come back for the final segment, and Julie announces that next Thursday the viewers can be a part of the next “game-changing twist”. Yes, we know that means we’re going to vote on a returning player. Julie then returns to the game, and the snow machines are turned on.

So that’s it. What did you think of tonight’s show? How was the editing this time? Was evicting Dom the right move?

Wednesday
Jul272011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 9 Recap

Once again, there will be no lengthy opening to this episode. We know what we’re getting tonight, and it’s almost 100% silliness. There will be a veto competition and meeting, and lots of Rachel. Oh yeah, and lots of another woman that doesn’t want anybody to get between her and her…um, little boy. The only real suspense of the evening is whether we see Kalia, Porsche, or Lawon at any point during the show.

Let’s begin with Rachel’s nominations of Adam and Dominic, but they both think they’re pawns. Jeff points out that Rachel tends told a grudge, so it’s always hard to predict what she’s going to do. He’s just happy it wasn’t him and Jordan this week. Daniele is clearly bummed, but she still has hope to “make Rachel make a big move in this game”.

Adam and Dom head into the have-not room, and Dom says that it’s clear that Brenchel are threatened by them. Adam takes that to mean because of his mental abilities and Dom’s athleticism. Um, yeah. No comment. Adam also hopes that in the veto they’ll be playing against Kalia and Lawon instead of Jeff and Jordan again. In the diary room, Dom says he’s just feeling Adam out a bit because they’ve barely talked.

Oooh, Rachel is outside the door listening in, and she finally walks in. Adam gets all nervous and whines “we…we…we…we’re all just going through scenarios”. Rachel talks him down a bit by saying that this is a week where “it’s a veto week”. She says that she’s open to making deals, although she says in the diary room that she doesn’t think she can trust them. The decision is to wait until after the veto competition. Dom is pissed because he thinks they already have a deal.

Now we get to see Dom and Daniele flirt. Gag me, please. Dom asks if she has a plan for setting up Jeff and Jordan, and we get a few of Daniele’s patented “blah blah blahs”. Dom is willing to allow any “magic” Daniele can create. I’m sure the virgin boy is up for anything.

Rachel plays right into Daniele’s plan by complaining to her that Jordan never talks to her. Daniele says if they put up Jeff and Jordan everybody would be on their side next week. Daniele thinks her plan is a go.

Ugh, now we get to see Rachel and Brendon take a bubble bath together. Please God, turn this off now! Brendon asks what Rachel is thinking right now, but admits that he doesn’t think the luxury prize was truly a game play snub. “I think it says a lot about their view of us. Obviously, we’re not that important.” This goes on a bit, designed to let us think that it really is possible that they’ll put up Jeff and Jordan.

Another scene, another few minutes of Rachel air time. She’s lying in bed with Porsche, and Dom comes into the HOH. He asks Porsche to leave, and tells Rachel he is 100% behind them. Brendon walks in, and the same conversation continues. Dom asks if he should throw the veto comp, and Brendon says he should. “I’d rather get out somebody who I know I don’t trust.”

After a commercial break, it’s more cutesy shit with Daniele and Dom. She walks into the have-not room, and even Adam says that it’s like watching 10 year-olds flirt. The two head outside to work out, and the sickening flirtations begin. Unconvincingly, Daniele says in the diary room that it’s a “love/hate relationship. He loves me and I hate him.” Really? In the background, a lightbulb alerts Jeff that maybe the two do have something going on.

It’s now time to pick players for the veto competition. Surprise, surprise, the extra couple playing is once again Jeff and Jordan! Nice work, CBS! Daniele is pissed!

Time for more cutesy shit, but this time it is Jeff and Jordan. After some banter, Jeff says he wants to get rid of Daniele “sooner rather than later”. Jordan wonders if Daniele will come with them if Dom is booted.

Meanwhile, Daniele continues to work her perfected brand of negativity on Brendon and Rachel. She asks if everything is set up with Dom, and Rachel says he’s agreed to throw the veto. “WHY??? I think you guys need him to win!” Brendon says that he wants to win the POV so he can “choose who goes home this week”. Suddenly, Rachel wonders if backdooring Jeff is better for their game or Daniele’s game. They both think she’s pushing this idea too hard.

Jeff and Jordan then walk into the room, and Brendon asks about their feelings about her. Jeff says she’s “in the best position in the house”. She’s “just playing the middle road” the whole game so far, even though she’s bitching the whole time. Rachel is still confused…as always.

Finally, we get to the veto competition, and it involves tiny rubber duckys and a giant, hairy lady in a bathtub. Ok, there’s the Lawon cameo for this episode. It’s again an individual competition, and everybody must pull “hairs” that have letters printed on the “root” out of the lady. In case you forgot about Jeff’s problem with “technotronics”, we get a replay from his season. The winner is the person who spells the longest word.

Before it begins, we have to hear from everybody how they have to win, and after it starts we get tonight’s Kalia cameo as she again complains about hair. Jordan perfectly plays her trademark dumb blonde role in her commentary…well, they all say stupid shit as the game goes on.

The game finally ends, and we get to see the words. Jordan spelled “little”, although she says she wanted to spell farting. Dom spelled “standings”, which puts him in the lead. Brendon is pissed that he spelled a long word. Rachel attempted to spell “moisturizing”, but screws it up. Adam’s word is “fractions”, so he’s now tied with Dominic (but is in the lead because he hit the buzzer before him). Jeff correctly spelled “expresses”, so he’s now in the lead for beating Adam to the buzzer. It’s now up to Brendon, and his word is “understanding”. Yes, Brendon has won the POV.  

Dom thinks that Brendon’s victory means that he is safe, while Adam is “really nervous”. Brendon says he couldn’t be happier, because a lot of people are “trying to get in our heads right now”. Rachel and Brendon are now in control over who leaves the house this week.

Oh boy, Daniele is now really pissed. She’s laying out with Rachel, who asks about putting up Lawon and Kalia instead of Jeff and Jordan. She tells Rachel that they have Dom “in your picket”, and it’s stupid to not put out a big target when they have a chance.

Wait, Shelly is actually in the house…talking nonsense with Dom. He asks her what his chances are if Brendon doesn’t use the veto, and says he know that he has Daniele’s vote “because Dani wants to play with me down the road”. Uh oh, that wasn’t too smart. He says that they can “cut one of these pairs”. Shelly plays with him a bit, and says that both of the men need to go at some point. Shelly says in the diary room that “if he’s going after Jeff and Jordan that’s not good for me”.

The next day, Shelly tells all to Jordan. “He thinks if he gets rid of Jeff, you won’t come after him because you’re so sweet.” Jordan says that she thinks this all comes from Daniele, and Jordan says they need to talk to Rachel.

They wake up Rachel, and Brendon also wanders in. Jordan asks if they’re going to use the veto, and after Brendon demurs a bit she gives Shelly the floor to tell the entire story…or at least her version of it. Rachel is pissed that Dom “has the audacity to try to form a second alliance to try to come after the veterans again”. Imagine that line in a complete whine. Terrible, right? Shelly leaves the room, and Jordan says that keeping Dom would make them all stronger. Brendon’s plan is to not let Daniele know that they’re on to her.

It’s now Jeff’s turn to hear what’s going on with Dom and Daniele, and Brendon tells him the entire story about putting up Jeff and Jordan. No need to repeat what else is mentioned, as it becomes another of their trademark circular conversations.

Thankfully, it’s time for the veto meeting. Despite five minutes of babbling, all that you need to know is that Brendon did not use the veto.

Let me know what you think of all of this silliness. How was the editing this time? Are you excited for the couples twist to end? 

Sunday
Jul242011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 8 Recap

There will be no big introductory paragraphs for this episode. We all know what we’re getting tonight – Rachel, Rachel, and a bit more Rachel. Oh yeah, and a has-been-but-never-was-in-my-eyes promoting a terrible show that will probably not last the summer. Sound exciting?

So here we go with the reactions to Cassi’s unanimous eviction. Shelly says its “bittersweet” because it was all caused by her earlier vote against Keith. Jordan again babbles about how it was too “early in the game…to make everybody mad”. Rachel goes off on one of usual catty speeches while bitching about Cassi complaining she’s catty. Get it?

Now we see Shelly thanking everybody for keeping her, but Lawon says “Big Brother has turned into a cathouse. Cassi leaving was just catty. It was personal. Rachel didn’t want Cassi to outshine Rachel’s Big Brother show.” That may be the smartest, yet most obvious, thing he’s said all season. Shelly is given her key, and, of course, she’s excited about this “lifeline”, while Dom complains about how the lack of success of The Regulators.

And the nightmare now begins, as we see Rachel winning HOH. “I am so excited! I am on fire!” Ugh, die bitch. “I gotta brush off my shoulders as I have never lost a HOH!” Brendon calls Rachel “The Quiz Girl”; the “brains behind our operation. I’m the athletic side, but anything that involves thinking quickly on your feet, Rachel can handle”. Oh Lord. There’s so much wrong in that statement.

Everybody congratulates Rachel, but Adam complains in the diary room about the vets winning everything. Well, do something about it! “Unfortunately, Rachel won again, so it’s time once again to kiss Rachel’s butt.” You better have a doctor check your lips when you’re done performing that task, Adam. Lawon knows that it’s either going to be him and his partner, or Adam and Dom that goes up. “I’m going to fight like a dog up in here!” Really?

Brenda and Rachel continue the celebration with Jordan and Jeff. Jordan says that she was happy Rachel won, as she didn’t want any of the noobs to get it. Dom then basically repeats what Lawon said a couple of minutes earlier, but “I feel like the little social work I’ve done in the past two weeks may pay off.”

At the same time, Brendon tells Jeff that he thinks the nominees should be Adam and Dom. Jeff, though, thinks that as payback for last week that he and Jordan should have some say in this week’s decision. Shelly is seen talking with Adam, complaining that the noobs must start actually winning. Adam believes that this week the noms should be Kalia and Lawon “because they haven’t done anything”. Well, of course he does. Adam adds in the diary room that he needs to work with Brendon and Rachel to ensure they know he’s with them.

Time for pure fluff. Rachel comes out of the diary room with her HOH key, but everybody’s hiding. They suddenly jump up and toss pillows at her. Oh, how wacky they are. You know the rest of this story – we get to see pics of her family and other garbage. She reads her letter from her sister, and I struggle to keep my eyes open.

Adam now visits Rachel and Brendon in the HOH, and he tells them he “wants to be around for awhile”. Brendon babbles about how he doesn’t want two floaters to make it to the end, and Adam complains how Kalia and Lawon have done nothing so far. In the diary room, though, Rachel says he had his chance, and knows that if Adam was the HOH they’d probably be up as nominees.

It’s now Lawon’s turn, and he does exactly what CBS wants in his diary room babbling, proclaiming that “I’m going to creep on upstairs and spit my ol’ game”. He tells them that he knows he needs their help, and Rachel responds by asking how he plans on playing the game. Suddenly, he’s more animated than he’s been all season, claiming he’ll do whatever is needed. Rachel looks as bored as me. “I’d rather be napping right now than listen to somebody talk in circles.” Wait a second. I agree with Rachel???

Time for more fluff, as it’s time to make fun of Dom’s snoring. Jeff is especially pissed, as he says he’s a light sleeper. Thankfully, it’s a short segment, as Rachel jumps out of the diary room to announce a luxury competition. Adam is especially happy, as it means nobody is on slop this week.

They all head outside, and for some reason the set makes Adam think that Tori Spelling will be visiting. WTF? Enough with this bullshit! Instead, some short chubby guy walks out, and Daniele turns to Shelly and asks who that is. “Awkward.” The guy announces that he’s from the show “Same Name”, and shares the same name as another celebrity. The comp will involve clues to his identity, and the first to announce his name will win. To make sure you understand, Jeff repeats the rules.

The game begins, and on the first clue somehow Jordan takes soap and sunglasses clues to figure out its David Hasselhoff. The game goes on, and Rachel somehow believes it is Michael Bolton. Brendon guesses that it’s Michael C. Hall. Brendon is then pissed that Rachel is helping Porsche, who somehow guesses that it is Michael Jackson. Some help. He’s dead, you bozo. Adam guesses Ricky Martin, and Lawon says it has to be Barbara Streisand. After the next clue, a knight in armor, Rachel guesses Kira Knightley, while Porsche says it’s Brian McKnight. Ok, this is going on too long.

Ending this idiotic segment, they all head outside to find Hasselhoff in his Knight Rider vehicle. Nice job in everybody acting like this is a fantastic meet and greet. After a tour of the house, Hasselhoff announces that Jordan has won, and her and three guests get to watch his awful new show. Jordan quickly picks Jeff, Shelly, and Kalia. Rachel is clearly pissed. “You’re not picking me to go to the screening and I’m the HOH. What is going on in your head, girl?”

OMG, this continues after the commercials, as they all head upstairs to eat sushi and watch this dumb show with the Hoff. Meanwhile, Rachel and Brendon have another fight. Brendon says that he’s so sick of fighting that he wants to leave. “Good, leave”, replies Rachel. Wash, rinse, recycle.

Hasselhoff finally leaves, and reads the CBS script perfectly as he talks about the sweetness of Jordan. Shelly informs Jordan that Rachel is pissed, and Jordan says in the diary room that she didn’t pick Rachel because she didn’t want to look like she’s kissing her ass. Meanwhile, the fighting continues, and Brendon says they should just put up Jeff and Jordan to make America hate them. Seriously, CBS, you’re showing THIS MUCH of their 300th fight? Plus, this much of the clips from Same Name??? Awful.

Ok, their fight continues into a third segment, as Dom comes in to offer his services to the “game’s strongest competitors”. His theory is that as long as he’s aligned with them, there will always be bigger targets than him. I guess that’s not a bad plan, and Brendon thinks that he’s a bigger target than Jeff because Jeff “hasn’t won shit”. Brendon’s idea is for him and Daniele to work with the two of them. Rachel claims that Jeff saying Dom is coming after them is their “first strike”, and not letting her be a part of the luxury prize is their “second strike”. Oh, you silly twit. “They didn’t even take me, and I’m the HOH!” Ugh! Dom says he’s in this 100% until the end, but Rachel isn’t sure she can trust him.

Dom goes off and reports his conversation with a sleeping Daniele, who says “everybody in this house is stupid”. She asks Dom if he would ever nominate Jeff and Jordan, and he says he’d rather backdoor them. Since nobody will put them up, they have to get Brendon and Rachel to do their work.

Daniele then heads up to talk to Brendon and Rachel, saying that the best plan for her is to break up the two couples. She immediately jumps in on how stupid Jordan was not including them in the prize, and that completely pushes Rachel’s button. Daniele says she’s worried that they wouldn’t have the guts to put them up, and that somebody has to be the first to break. “Jeff’s gotta go”, says Daniele. Brendon, though, says they have to think this through as doing this too early may be a big mistake.

Jeff then comes into the HOH and asks if they’re mad about the luxury prize. “Noooooo, why would we care”, replies Rachel. Brendon says that Jeff was definitely doing damage control, and Rachel adds that it’s obvious that people are trying to create a rift between the two couples. “We’re not going after you two guys ever. If we wanted to, it would have been last week…it’s not even in our mind.” Brendon and Rachel claim they are thinking the same thoughts, and Jeff admits in the diary room that dealing with Rachel means walking on egg shells. Jeff finally leaves, and Rachel says she’s confused but “would have no problem stirring up the game a little bit”.

It’s not nomination time, and everybody again ably reads their scripts. Jeff and Jordan’s keys are pulled first, and then Kalia and Lawon. Adam and Dom are once again nominated. Rachel gives the “purely strategic” speech, and they all babble the usual nonsense.

That’s all folks! What did you think of the episode? Did you tire of the Hoff segments? Or the Brenchel fighting? Was there anything entertaining about this episode?

Thursday
Jul212011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 7 Recap

Well, last night’s episode garnered some mixed emotions. On the one hand, the ridiculousness that’s named Rachel was finally highlighted. Her demand to control Jordan’s HOH was somewhat accurately portrayed (and some blame must go to Jordan), and she looked like a damned fool when she was crying in the fake bushes.

However, for those of us who care about continuity, her fight with Cassi, and the mental breakdown/beatdown that occurred later in the evening also needed to be shown last night as it all happened before the veto meeting. Will we see it tonight? I’m guessing we will, but probably not in all its glory.

Oh well. Tonight is the end of Jordan’s reign a HOH (at least in name), the departure of either Shelly or Cassi (we all know which one), and the crowning of a new head of household. Who will it be? Please, anybody but Brendon or Rachel.

Before we get to any of that, however, we have to sit through the alternating cheers and whining after the nomination changes from Adam and Dominic to Cassi and Shelly. Lawon tells Cassi to be strong, but Shelly is also bummed about being nominated (obvi). “It’s crappy. It stinks. I hope that I’m safe. I feel like I’m safe. The odds are that my best friend, Cassi, is going home.” Cassi is bummed to be up against Shelly, and she knows the odds are she won’t get the votes to stay.

After giving Jeff a bit of a look, Rachel gloats that she “always gets her way”. Jordan says that those two are the last two that she wants to put up, but her alliance wants them gone. Cassi tells her that it’s ok, and they hug.

For somebody who is safe, Shelly is the one breaking down. She hates that her decision in week one to work with the veterans is why Cassi will end up leaving. Cassi joins her and asks why she’s sad. “It’s not fair.” Shelly tells her to campaign, but Cassi says she could “never, ever say a bad thing about Shelly.” Cue the piano music.

Jordan is upstairs crying, complaining that they never had a chance. Jeff tells her that she’s a good person. Yeah, this is filler, and again it’s designed to make Jordan and Jeff look like perfect people.

Daniele is now asking Shelly if she’s ok, and Shelly is still bummed for the reasons already listed. Shelly is especially bummed because she’s always taught her child not to lie. Yes, enough of this.

We now jump backwards to the night before (although this isn’t disclosed), and the big fight already talked about yesterday and earlier in this piece is finally aired. Cassi brings Rachel into the have-not room, and the fireworks explode (somewhat fairly). Well, somewhat, as it’s cut WAY down, and Rachel doesn’t look nearly as bad as she did Sunday night. The best part is the conclusion, though, when Cassi calls her a “catty, catty girl”.

Rachel then runs into the other room to change clothes, and complains in the diary room that she’s the “meanest fighter in the world. She used all of my weaknesses against me.” Rachel heads up into the HOH to put on a good cry in front of Jordan. We then get to hear an edited version of Jordan explaining how Rachel’s actions sometimes make her look “bitchy”. Ok, now this is starting to be edited to make Rachel look sympathetic. Daniele and Brendon both come into the room, and Brendon complains in the diary room that he’s “done” with her.

Let’s jump to the next day, but still before the veto ceremony, and Brendon and Cassi go into it. Cassi swears on the Bible that she hasn’t lied, and Brendon says that’s a line that he’ll never buy. This quickly dissolves into Brendon lecturing Cassi, and she says she’s not a “dumbass”. She claims that she just wanted to “clear the air” with them, and she’s obviously the only “adult” of the three. Well, she has a point there. Interesting how this was all portrayed, and nothing else that happened for the past three days was shown.

After the first commercial break, Julie interviews the house. They’re shown portions of the have-not competition, and they all obviously crack up. Julie asks Lawon about the toughness of the competitions. Yes, he answers they’re fun AND hard. Kalia is asked about her “injury”, and she thanks everybody for their help. Adam is asked how grateful he is to Dom for winning the veto to take him off the block…and yes, he is. You can hear Cassi in the background saying, “thanks, Dom”. Julie then asks Rachel about the tension during the veto competition, and she giggles and admits she sometimes says the wrong things. “We’re a happy family again.”

It’s time for more filler, as we get to view friends and family of the unlikely duo – Adam and Dominic. We meet Adam’s girlfriend, and she explains how he lost 100 pounds to be on Big Brother. She says he’s a “Big Brother scholar” after a clip of Porsche asking some BB trivia.

It is now Dom’s turn, and we meet his cute best friend, Dana. According to her, his mom is very controlling, and this is the first time he’s ever slept away from home. We see him flirting with Cassi, and Dana says that while he is a 25 year old virgin, he does know women. Dana also believes that his relationship with Daniele is just to help him get through the game.

Before we get to the expulsion, Julie talks to Jordan in the HOH. The first question is about their feelings about working with Brendon and Rachel. She says it’s good to have them on their side right now. Julie pushes by asking about their consideration of putting them up, and the reply is that it was “just too early”. Of course, we then get a viewer question as to when they’re going to get married and “make babies”. First, they have to actually live in the same state.

So now it’s voting time. Cassi gets to give her final plea first, and she says she feels “blessed” to meet everybody, and then tells Shelly how much she loves her. After noting that it “must be a special day because I’m in heels” (no shit), Shelly warns everybody that one will have to someday meet those they push aside on the way up the ladder. She concludes by telling Cassi how much she loves her.

Voting begins with Rachel, who obviously votes to evict Cassi, as does Brendon, Jeff, Adam, Dominic, Daniele, Kalia, Lawon, and Porsche. Yes, it’s unanimous!

Julie delivers the news to the house when we return from commercials, and Cassi hugs all as she walks out (even Rachel, who she had promised to have a word or two against). Brendon whispers something to Jeff while we wait for the interview with Julie, who then starts by pointing out that her final plea speech was like a goodbye. Cassi says she just couldn’t campaign against Shelly, and she knew she was going. Julie wants to go on some more about the “jealousy” angle, and Cassi is sort of vague. Yeah, it’s tough to be pretty, my dear. She’s then asked if she regrets “drawing the line in the sand” to separate the vets and noobs. Cassi explains that it was just kind of the unspoken thing going on, and after it goes on for awhile Juie cuts her off.

Jordan kicks off the final goodbyes by saying it’s too bad that “jealousy” got in the way of them really teaming up. Oh Jordan, you could have done that anyway. Rachel says that she’s “probably the worst game player ever in Big Brother. To say I’m catty and bitchy and I don’t like girls. The truth is I don’t like you.” Dom, however, complains that it just shows the “true character” of these girls. We end with Shelly calling Cassi “her Thelma to my Louise”. Hmmm, interesting.

Now it’s the moment we’re all scared of viewing. Will the next HOH be Rachel or Brendon? America is praying that it’s not. Tonight it’s a question contest called “Big Brother Online”, and it involves questions asked to visitors to the CBS website. A wrong choice eliminates a player. The first question is whether a person would rather get mouth to mouth from Jeff or Brendon, and the answer is Jeff. Everybody gets that one correct. The second question is who would be more likely to “warm the pool with something other than their charm” – Adam or Kalia. Everybody correctly chooses Adam.

Next, it’s which HG is more likely to steal a lover – Rachel or Porsche. The answer is Porsche, so Kalia is now eliminated. The fourth question is who would be more likely to save somebody from a burning building – Shelly or Brendon. Jeff is the only one out this time, as he picked Brendon. (What?)

For question five, it’s who would America rather see spend the entire summer in a bikini – Porsche or Daniele. (I know my choice.) Holy shit, the correct answer is Daniele, which leaves us with…get this, Rachel and Brendon. Now it’s who you would rather cheat from off a test – Jordan or Lawon. They both get this wrong by choosing Lawon. Now it’s who would be more likely to go “seriously bananas” in the house – Adam or Dominic. Finally, the two choose different answers, and Rachel wins by choosing Adam. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!Well, that’s it, my friends (and I'm not paying attention to the final interview with Rachel). Oh wait, Julie just said that there is a "celebrity" visiting the house this week? And that there will be a change in the game later this week?

So...are you excited for Rachel’s victory? Are you dreading this week? What did  you think of the Cassi/Rachel edit? Which couple is going up this week?

Wednesday
Jul202011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 6 Recap

Working on Big Brother footage for CBS must be a tough job. No, no, no, I’m not talking about the fact that every week presents hundreds of hours of footage that must be cut down to two 42-minute episodes (plus a segment or two on eviction day). What I’m referring to is the “Rachel edit”.

It has to be hell for these poor souls who have to somehow take footage that shows Rachel (and SkypeBoy) acting like fools and transform them into a modern day Romeo and Juliet. The task is comparable to convincing America that a Kardashian has the smarts of Steven Hawking. Tonight is an especially challenging evening, as all the acoustic guitars and pianos in the world can’t make one sympathetic for the Vegas cocktail waitress after viewing Sunday’s meltdown on the feeds.

Yet, I expect CBS to give it a grand ol’ try. The initial confrontation with Cassi will leave out important moments, the guidance from Jordan will be made to appear that it entered into that vast wasteland of a brain, and, worst of all, the mental beatdown from Brendon will be turned into a touching moment of a loving girlfriend learning from her masterful scientist boyfriend. Blech!

Before we get to that, however, we must sit through the usual garbage of the house reactions to the nominations of Adam and Dominic (god, this seems like it happened weeks ago). Adam says that Jordan had told him that he has to trust them if he’s nominated, and after Lawon whispers “you gotta fight”, Dom says he knows he’s the big target this week as “I’ve got big suspicions Adam stabbed me in the back”. Jordan agrees, saying she believes Dom is the “ringleader”.

For some reason, Rachel thanks Jeff for the nominations. “It’s not me, it’s Jordan”, he replies. In the diary room, Rachel is a bit more heated. “What are you doing? Cassi is the target to get out of here, not Dominic. If I can’t even trust you and Jeff to make the right choices at nominations, what am I going to be able to trust you at going forward?” Who is the HOH again?

Dom and Cassi reconvene in the have-not room. Dom says he knew it was coming, and Cassi asks if he thinks he has a shot. Dom says he doesn’t know how much he trusts Jeff and Jordan, and “it all depends on Adam’s deal with them”. Cassi tells him to cut a better deal, but Dom doesn’t want to be their “slave” for the next couple of weeks. Dom thinks he’s now flying solo.

Adam then walks into the room, and Dom asks him how he’s feeling. “We gotta win that veto”, says Dom. “Our back’s against the wall”, replies an unconvincing Adam. “Let’s not pull a Porsche and Keith.”

Jordan now has Adam in the HOH room, and claims that he acted so well Jeff believes he’s actually pissed. She promises him that he’s safe, and for the veto competition the “best thing for you to do is to sabotage it. I promise you we have your back.”

Meanwhile, Rachel is now hanging out with Porsche, who says Cassi has to be eliminated before the couples are split. This sets up the typical Rachel complaints against Cassi before Lawon interrupts. “I see Rachel and Porsche talking”, he claims, “and that’s mischievous. Those girls are always up to no good.”

Then we switch to Dom and Daniele, who warns him that anything she says has to be kept secret “because it’s for your benefit”. Daniele says in the diary room that she’s not stressing out yet, as she has some buttons yet to push. Yes, Jeff wants Dom out (“he’s an asshole” is the reply), but Daniele says both Rachel and Jeff are “going to sink their own ships”. Dom says that he is starting to trust Daniele, but she admits in the diary room that she’s just using him “for now”.

Daniele begins her work by telling Rachel she wants Daniele out, and Cassi put up in his place. “I don’t trust Cassi, trying to say she’s so real, and then running around the house telling lies to everybody.” Daniele admits in the diary room that she really doesn’t have anything against Cassi, “but if I see a bus, I’m not afraid to give her a little push”.

After commercials, Rachel and Brendon are talking to Jordan, telling her that they can all trust each other, but nobody can trust Cassi. “She’s so fake. She needs to get out of here.” Jordan just looks around, wondering where those voices are coming from.  Brendon doesn’t want her spending any time with Cassi. Jordan sees through their game. “Cassi just said one thing about Porsche, and Rachel is blowing it way out of proportion. It’s a little exaggerated and a little bit dramatic. It’s almost ridiculous.”

Jordan takes her concerns about Rachel to a seemingly bored Jeff. She tells him how Brendon and Rachel are constantly in her face about spending time with Cassi, but she wants to talk to her. “So, talk to her”, replies Jeff. “They gotta relax.” Jeff continues to rant about Rachel in the diary room, comparing her “to that little gnat that buzzes in your ear that you can’t stand…it’s not our first rodeo, and we don’t need that all the time…I need some Rachel-Off”. So do the feed watcher, Jeff. Trust me.

Sure enough, Cassi is in the HOH and Jordan informs her that people are “throwing you under the bus” (ugh, that dreaded line for the 10th time already tonight). “It’s because you’re pretty. You’re like absolutely gorgeous, and that’s no lie.” Cassi says it’s not just that, but it’s also because “I don’t play back with them”. Cassi adds that she likes them because they’re genuine people that won’t let those types of games influence their thinking. She adds in the diary room that this is exactly why she hasn’t let on that she’s a model. Well, I wouldn’t go that far, my dear.

It’s time to pick players for the veto comp. Jordan ably gets through the script, and after calling up the nominees, Jordan pulls out the chip that belongs to…get this, Brendon and Rachel! Nice job, CBS! Dom is pissed! “I’m going to get destroyed!” Jordan then chooses Daniele to be the host of the competition.

Rachel takes Brendon into the storage room and asks him if he’d be willing to go against Jeff and Jordan if they win the veto. “I think they’re just doing what’s best for them in this game.” Really, Rachel? Aren’t you doing the same thing? In one of his most coherent points of both of his seasons, Brendon says that they can’t just go “behind Jeff and Jordan’s back”. Rachel says that she’s scared that Jordan is so easily influenced, and Brendon replies “that’s why we can’t let Jordan be alone with Cassi”. They decide to enlist Dom in their plan, and Rachel goes off to find Daniele.

Daniele warns them that it’s a risky move, but she’s “super excited” that they’re on board to keep Dominic. “In the end, I’m going to get what I want and nobody is going to be mad at me.”

It’s finally veto comp time, and Daniele leads them all out to the backyard to a giant “candy shop”. In this game, they’re playing as individuals, which obviously pleases Dom. To win, one must chew gumballs while walking across a plank to deposit on their “veto portrait”. Yes, Jordan, this leads to your stereotypical joke about “walk and chew gum all the time”. If you drop, you’re out unless you take two weeks of slop.

Jeff still believes that if any of the vets win that Dom will go home. Obviously, we know that’s not the case. Jordan quickly drops, and is about to take the slop before Jeff yells at her. This pisses off Rachel, who says “if they HOH isn’t playing, maybe we shouldn’t be”. Ooooh, Jeff is pissed, but he says nothing. Rachel falls, and immediately grabs the slop ticket. Jeff is steaming!

Rachel then falls once again, and she starts screaming her typical lines about how great Brendon is doing. Dom notices that he’s pretty close to Jeff and Brendon, and starts picking up the pace. Finally, Dom places the winning gum on his easel, and wins the veto. Cassi knows this is bad news for her.

With the contest over, Jeff tells Rachel that he “doesn’t appreciate your comments during the race”. Rachel doesn’t understand what he’s complaining about, and has that “are you kidding me” look on her face. “It’s done”, she bitches as she tosses her bottle down and walks away. She attempts to bitch at Brendon about Jeff, but he also admonishes her. “Keep your head in the game. Not emotion. Play smart.” Jeff comes back to them and continues to berate her for making Jordan look bad. “You showed that you’re better than Jordan. You showed it tenfold today.” The rest of the house looks on with giant smiles!

We come back from commercials to find Rachel bawling in some bushes. Ok, enough of this crap. Brendon says he has to get her to calm down in front of the rest of the house. Even Kalia thinks Rachel’s actions are idiotic. Yeah, it continues on as the rest of the house heads back into the house. And once again, we get the Brendon is a hero edit. Rachel finally comes back into the house, and Cassi believes these kinds of “shenanigans” makes Cassi look better. Well, not really.

Dom heads into the have-not room to celebrate, and he thinks his win is a victory for the entire house. Adam is even happy, as he kept his word and still gets off the block. Jeff and Jordan, meanwhile, head into the HOH and she tells him to “not be so mad”. He says he’s tired of the “Rachel show”. He goes on to say that’s exactly why people didn’t like her last year, and that her mouth is going to eventually be “their breaking point”. In the diary room, he ably reads the script to create some doubt as to the replacement nominees.

Rachel is still whining to Brendon, wondering if Jeff and Jordan will be dumb enough to put them up. Brendon grills her as to what she’s going to say to Jordan, but she’s not too thrilled by Brendon’s advice. Rachel says that she could say “I don’t appreciate your girl winning HOH because we let her”. Brendon commands her to stop. “No wonder America hates me”, Rachel concludes.

They do head up to grovel to Jeff and Jordan. Rachel apologizes, and Jordan says she’s not mad. Jeff says that she should have “just bowed out”, but Jeff says the “repercussions will last for two weeks”. Jeff adds in the diary room that he thinks it sounds like a forced apology. They all say the right things, though, and Brendon adds that the rest of the house can never see them bicker like that again.

Cassi is then brought into the HOH, with Shelli following three steps behind. Jordan says they are the last two people she wants to put up, and Cassi immediately asks if they gave any thought to putting up Brendon and Rachel. She adds that they need to think about “the long haul and who is going to turn on your later. At some point, y’all are going to have to get Brendon and Rachel out, and I would have been down to lead that front to do it.”

Jordan says her hands are tied, as the veterans are all tied together. Cassi says she “just wants to shake Jordan right now…and how this is a potential game changer” to rid the house of them.  This again sets up diary room stuff from Jordan to shed some doubt as to what she’s going to do.

She asks Jeff what he thinks of backdooring Brendon and Rachel, and Jeff says he’d stand beside her is she indeed did that. Jeff wants to “squash that annoying gnat in my ear”. To put an exclamation on the segment, Jordan adds that wants to “do something dramatic in this game.”

This all leads up to the anticlimactic finish, as Dom has to grab the veto and stare at the wall of house guests. He’s a bit bummed that Cassi is probably going up in his place. Everybody recites their expected lines in the diary room before Dom brings everybody in to take himself and Adam off the block. Jordan then gets up…and puts up Cassi and Shelly.

So that’s it, and while we did get to somewhat accurately see Rachel lose her shit during the POV competition, we didn’t get to see the fireworks with Cassi. Is CBS saving that for tomorrow?

Sunday
Jul172011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 5 Recap

Another Sunday, another Big Brother nomination show. It’s admittedly tough to get excited by this episode, as I’ve been disgusted by the actions of Queen Rachel and Brendon, and the non-actions of each and every noob. I’m a devoted recap-er, though, so here I am in front of my TV. Here’s what you’re going to see tonight – the have/have not competition, the (un)exciting unveiling of the HOH room, and the nomination. Oh yeah, and another silly Rachel fight that’s reminiscent of last year’s idiotic showboating.

I guess it’s time to start this thing with reactions to Keith’s eviction. Porsche acts like she’s the queen of the ball, and even sticks her tongue out at the cam. Why, nobody knows. Jeff says it’s all great for the vets, but Dom is bummed that two people switched their votes. “I feel like I’ve been shanked multiple times.”

Kalia, sporting some marvelous homeless hair, says she changed her vote because Keith called her out. Shelly, one of the two who “shanked” Dom, is playing it up real good. “Somebody is going to get an ass whooping at the end of this”, she says. She acknowledges that the noobs have no clue that it’s her. Adam adds that he knows this means the noobs aren’t united. Lawon is as “furious like a hot volcano in Hawaii awaiting to erupt”. Oh Lawton, you talk a good game but you’re rarely even seen on the feeds.

Rachel is then shown hugging Porsche right before she grabs her golden key. Rachel is so proud of herself, and in the diary room thanks the noobs for “being idiots”. For a change, I can’t really argue with her there.

We then jump ahead to Jordan’s HOH victory, and Jeff claims she’s “under-estimated”. Yeah, it certainly helps with the rest of your team (and some noob) throws it for her. Cassi isn’t so happy as she knows it means another noob will be going home. Yeah, like you.

Moving into one of the bedrooms, Rachel is jumping for joy in celebration with the rest of her alliance. At the same time, Cassi is asking where the the other two votes came from. Shelly continues to lie, and Lawon enters the room saying how pissed he is because he “stuck his ass out for his team”.

Adam enters as Dom asks about conversations anybody had with the vets. Adam admits he was approached, but denies he was one of the votes. Kalia says she assumes that everybody has had a similar conversation, and both Cassi and Dom deny it. Hey kids, the answer is right in front of you!!!

Adam makes a fatal mistake, though, by acknowledging that he did shake his head in agreement with every demand they made. Cassi’s shocked. Adam believes that Dom is the rat as he just happened to walk out at this point in the conversation. Kalia couldn’t be more proud of herself, though. Good for her, as she’s done nothing else so far this season. Adam, shut up! He also adds that he doesn’t expect to go up this week.

For some unknown reason, Rachel then enters the room, twirls her hair, and asks how they’re all doing. She acts a bit shocked when Kalia says “two of our own” voted against their interests. “I didn’t know there are sides”, she says. Oh Lord. Cassi explains that it’s all just how they feel about Porsche. Uh oh. “Some of us like Porsche”, responds Rachel, “and she’s here now for a month.” Oh snap! Part one ends with Cassi saying “I don’t like to be bullied”. Well, get ready, my dear.

Dom is now in the other room and Jeff says that he thought they had the votes to keep Keith. Dom’s response is that “I didn’t know that you wanted Porsche to stay”. This ends up being a silly conversation, as both Jeff and Dom complain that the others didn’t come talk to each other. Dom asks who their two votes came from, and Jeff does what he does best – play dumb.

Ugh, Rachel and Porsche are now celebrating in the supply room. Porsche reports that Lawon was in tears after the vote, and Rachel reports on her conversation with the noobs…including the Cassi comments. “Cassi started the ‘We Hate Porsche’ club that she’s the sole member of, and it doesn’t really faze me”, claims Porsche.

After Rachel and Porsche leave the supply room, the scene shifts to the bedroom where Daniele is thanking Kalia for her vote. She tells Daniele that the noobs believe that it was actually Adam who didn’t vote to evict Porsche instead of her, and it’s all because of his big mouth.

Adam is lying down by himself as Shelly comes in to give him a pep talk. Shelly claims she feels horrible, but Adam believes the stray vote (or one of them, at least) was actually Dom. Cassi is talking to Dom, and they both believe it is indeed Adam, and both believe it means the end for them. All of these idiots continue to trust Shelly, though. This junk goes on way too long, and at the end Dom says that he needs to work his charms on Daniele.

After the commercials, we get to watch the Dom/Daniele relationship supposedly “blossom”…complete with the acoustic guitars usually saved for Rachel and Brendon. Thankfully, we jump to the kitchen, where Rachel is washing dishes as Cassi comes in to put away the clean dishes. Rachel complains in the diary room that it’s so awkward that they “can’t even be in the same room”, yet Cassi doesn’t appear fazed at all. Cassi agrees that it was awkward to be in the same vicinity as her, but it was “for me to show her you’re messing with the wrong girl. I’m not some dumb little girl that’s going to cower in the corner because you’re Rachel.”

As Cassi sits at the table eating, Rachel turns around. Cassi says “long day”, and…the scene ends. WTF??? We have to endure Jordan’s HOH room garbage instead of what actually happened. God, I’m getting sick of this shit.

With the fluff officially over, we now have to endure filler. Brendon comes out dressed in his superhero unitard, and I’m officially sick now as he mugs to the cameras about Franklin, his “house pet” stuffed turtle. This is awful.

Adam now heads upstairs to talk to Jeff and Jordan to hopefully make a deal with the two of them. He admits to them that he did vote to evict Porsche, but says that he doesn’t want to go home. He says the alliance he believe that he had didn’t exist, so he now haves to grovel. He says that if he’s nominated and ends up with the golden key he’ll owe them a lot. Jeff is hesitant, as he doesn’t think he can trust him.

Back to Dom’s flirting with Daniele. He tells her that he has nothing to offer the other vets, and Daniele says that she’ll do what she can to help. He asks her why she would do this, and she says she likes to hang out with him. Yep, it’s Daniele’s first dumb move of the season.

When we return from another set of commercials, Jeff is complaining about how Dom thinks he’s running the show. Rachel will have none of this, though, and complains that it’s actually Cassi. “(She’s) driving me up the wall. She’s super floater Cassi. With Jordan as HOH, I hope we get the right person out of here, and keep the other person in the house that’s going to work for us.” That’s Shelli, if you haven’t figured it out. Jordan just lays there looking confused as Jeff and Rachel make their cases against Cassi.

Time for the have/have not competition. Jordan comes out of the diary room in an ant costume and attempts to read the script. Lawon says he’s determined to not be on slop once again. They’re now all dressed as ants, connected to their partners. The backyard is made up to look like a giant picnic, and the pairs have to grab giant food “crumbs” and carry them back across the field. The winner gets to pick the have-nots for the week.

There’s no reason to go through the commentary of this silliness, especially after Rachel’s godawful sexual innuendos, so let’s jump to the conclusion. Rachel and Brendon won, but before we can get to the expected slop choices, Kalia is stuck inside one of the props, and is supposedly “injured”.  I guess this is enough drama to make it a commercial-length cliffhanger.

Ok, we’re back, and a medic comes out to check on Kalia. They have to cut the pair out of their ant suits, but Kalia admits that her injuries were more out of “fear” than an actual injury. “I’m sure I’ll be back to all my antics ASAP”, she claims. What “antics”? The bitch rarely does anything!

Finally, we get to hear Brendon and Rachel’s slop choices…and yes, it includes Cassi and Shelly, along with Adam and Dominic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, slop stinks. None of the four are very surprised. They come back into the house to discover that America’s Choice for food is jelly beans and beef jerky. Can we stop this voting for food crap? All it does is make Adam scream more idiocy.

Back to the game. Dom heads up to talk to Jeff and Jordan, and he claims he’s going to be “100% honest”. He says he has to play with somebody, so he has no option but to come to them. Jesus, these noobs have absolutely no game. Jeff and Jordan humor him, but it’s a nothing conversation.

It’s Cassi’s turn next, and she just wants her and Shelly to remain in the game as long as possible. She says she has no problems putting up other noobs, and that she can keep a secret. Another interesting edit, as this conversation went on a lot longer.

Jeff and Jordan then ask Daniele what she thinks they should do, and obviously she now wants Dom to stay in the game. According to Daniele, Dom knows nothing about the game, and Cassi is completely untrustworthy. “She’s the one causing all the drama with all the girls and everybody else downstairs.” What? And now this conversation also goes around in circles, designed to make us unsure as to who the nominees will be.

So here we go with the nominations, and Jordan actually makes it through the prepared script. The noobs also read their scripts accurately, too, as none of them feel they’re safe.  Jordan says that her “alliance is telling her to go one way, while my gut is telling me to go another.” No, Jordan, that’s the desire for another crinkly bag of chips.

The cast is brought in, and the nominations are Adam and Dominic. Jordan says she nominated them because she doesn’t know where their heads are at. Um, sweetie, you could say that about anything and everything. She adds in the diary room that she doesn’t care what the rest of her alliance thinks. Adam, of course, is bummed about being nominated, and Dom promises to do anything possible to stay in the game.

Thankfully, we’re done here. What did you think of the episode? Are you tired of the beneficial edits that Rachel is receiving? Are the noobs as inept as they appear? Who do you want to see leave?

Thursday
Jul072011

Big Brother Season 13, Episode 1

Finally, the time is here for Big Brother! After a tiresome yet frantic two weeks of rumors, gossip, hints, and honestly uninspiring video interviews, we get to meet the cast of Big Brother 13 tonight! Along with the eight new contestants, questions are finally answered as to the identities of the “dynamic duos” returning to the show. Will they indeed be the six names that have been bandied about the past week, or will there be a surprise or two?

So here we go with the usual Julie Chen opening, and within two minutes she mentions “dynamic duos” at least a half dozen times. We finally get some news – each “noob” has to pick a partner, and then three former pairs are coming in to play against them.

We jump right into the obviously-staged, "surprised" house guests discovering they made the cast. Dominic is supposedly a biker who LOVES his mom, but doesn’t like her touching his hair. Cassi is at work “modeling”, and she calls herself a tomboy. Lawon says everybody loves him, and he LOVES bright colors. Keith is at church, and he says “when I’m not in church, I’m chasing girls”. Um, yeah. Shelly is out huntin’ and fishin’, and babbles some Southern gospel.

Adam is found at a heavy metal show…although there is no band playing. He says he’s not afraid “to show my feminine side”. Hmmm. Kalia claims to be “the real life Carrie from Sex and the City”. I’ll stop there. Porsche is a “real life VIP waitress” who is “without a doubt, the hottest girl wherever I go.” Oh Lord.

They all jump around, wasting their supposed one hour of preparation. While packing, they all continue to babble nonsense that fits into their already prepared roles. Keith even has a flow chart for his planned “Keith’s Angels” gimmick. Kalia loves sex, but Dominic is a virgin. Meanwhile, Lawon says that if “they want me to be gay, I’ll be gay. If they want me to be straight, I’ll be straight.” I think I’m warming up to this guy.

After tearful goodbyes to moms, girlfriends, kids, and friends, they head out. Seconds later, Julie brings them out to the front of the house. Yeah, we’ve seen this scene a dozen times before as she preaches platitudes about what’s going to happen this season.

The first group to enter the house is Porsche, Dominic, Lawon, and Shelly. They all do the stereotypical screeching and rush to choose their beds. Porsche shows a bit of smarts, though, as she points out there are only eight people in the cast. Shelly makes a “funny” about how Porsche sounds like a stripper name.

Julie then allows the other four to enter, and it’s the same as before. Adam growls like a metal fan, and Keith is already in love with all the women. Kalia says she has a “hair phobia”, so having to share showers is a nightmare for him. Meanwhile, Keith twirls Cassi around, primarily so he can stare at her legs. Cassi claims her best feature is her “personality”, but shows a bit of self-awareness by admitting the “doctor’s did help a little bit”.

Dominic is the second person to figure out that there are more people to enter, but it doesn’t really sink in to the others. They all head into the living room, and Adam believes he’s going to dominate the house as the others don’t look too intelligent. Yeah, I kind of agree with him.

They begin introducing each other, and Keith kicks things off by lying about his job as a minister. He’s now a matchmaker, because somehow that will make the ladies come to him. Really? Adam loves metal, bacon, and 90210. Wait, what? They all get a laugh over his metal roar.

Shelly and Kalia continue on with the introductions, and Keith loves Kalia’s “puppies”. Ok, I’m bored with this already. Porsche admits that she was named after the car, and in the diary room says she’s already attracted to Dominic. She also lies about being a waitress, because I guess people are intimidated by “VIP waitresses”. Cassi also lies about her occupation because she doesn’t want people to think she’s “narcissistic” or “better than anybody else”. Ok then.

After a commercial break, it’s time for Julie to announce that the house guests must pick partners. “Expect the unexpected”, blah blah blah. Ok, we do get some real info here. Each of the members of the team that wins HOH is safe from elimination, and they must pick one team to go against each other to remain in the game. Keith is “crushed” because it completely screws up his “Keith’s Angels” plan (like these women would go with that anyway).

Keith makes the first move, asking Porsche to be his partner. She’s not happy about this, because she doesn’t want to go against his stunning wardrobe, but eventually agrees. Dominic thinks he’s an idiot for “thinking with the wrong head” (probably the only smart thing we'll hear from him all season). Shelli and Cassi quietly form a bond, and Adam asks Dominic (who is not real happy about this). By default, Kalia is forced to be with Lawon, and her planned quiet game is squashed because she’s paired with the “big, crazy, flamboyant” one.

Julie comes back on to verify all of these pairings, and the second bombshell is dropped. Well, not quite, as Julie disappears after announcing that additional pairs are entering. Porsche and Kalia immediately start talking about who these partners could be when the doorbell rings, and…oh fuck…it’s Brenchel. Ugh. Dominic says he’s scared because they’re big competitors.

Rather than talking about their return, Rachel babbles in the diary room about how Brendon proposed to them. Fast forward time. Ha, Adam is pissed! “You’re not taking over my house!” I love him now!!! After sitting down, the doorbell rings again, and this time it’s Jeff and Jordan. The reaction to those two is a bit more enthusiastic. Lawon says he’s “in the company of Big Brother royalty”. Oh yeah, and Shelli couldn’t be more happy to meet her idols.

After some of the usual cheesy cutesiness, they all continue to babble nothingness. Adam is pissed that the returning house guests are going to ruin “HIS” season. The doorbell rings again…and it is once again commercial time.

When we return, it’s time for…you guessed it…Evel Dick and Daniele. Adam is setting the tone as the narrator of the show, and he says that Evel Dick is the reason he attempted to be on the show. Keith, of course, is immediately in love with Daniele. “Yummy, yummy, yummy, I’m thinking of kicking Porsche to the curb.”

Ok, Dick makes the first funny of the season. He introduces himself as the only winner here, and poor little Jordan gets sad. Um yeah, although I was fans of theirs during their season I’m already tired of Jeff and Jordan. “Dick makes me feel like chopped liver, and I hate chopped liver.” Oh yes, another season of Jordan-isms.

Dick wants to take a look at the upstairs, and Jeff asks if he and Daniele are “good”. I guess not, as they haven’t spoke in three years. She looks way uncomfortable, especially when they do a diary room together. Jeff isn’t completely convinced, though.

With the introductions completed, it’s time for the first HOH competition. The rules are simple – there are giant bananas in the backyard, and the winner is the team who hangs on the longest. Adam says it’s important that one of the new couples wins. After a short time, chocolate begins to be poured over the bananas. Shelly cements her role as this year’s Kathy by immediately falling, and claims that it’s part of their strategy (just like Kathy did week after week last year).

Jordan is the next to drop, right after I was bitching at CBS censors for blurring her ass. Keith and Cassi are struggling because his ass is in her face, and he falls. Cassi also falls shortly after, as does Lawon. Meanwhile, Dominic is bitching that Adam’s head is in his ass.

Adam is the next to drop, and then it’s Jeff and Dominic. Porsche and Kalia are the only new castmates left, and Rachel notes that Brendon is struggling. Yes, the ultimate competitor drops once again. Kalia then drops, and Rachel is confident that he can beat the only remaining noob, Porsche. “I spend a lot of my time on bananas”, she says.

It’s now whipped cream that is poured on those left, and Porsche is struggling. Goddamn those censors! Sure enough, she then drops. It’s now Rachel versus Dick and Daniele. Rachel says they are safe if they fall. Dick stupidly agrees, and drops. Daniele doesn’t know if she can trust Rachel, but she nods that they have a deal. Oh Lord, Brenchel is the first HOH! Ugh, she has to throw out a “no one comes between me and my banana”. Hmmm, Julie ends the segment by saying there’s another twist coming designed “to send shock waves through the house”.

What is the new twist? Julie has everybody gather again in the living room, and she tells Rachel that her choice will be more important than in past seasons as it will be both “a blessing and a curse”. The person who survives the “chopping block” now has a huge advantage because of the “Big Brother Golden Key”. Dum dum dum! This key guarantees a person a spot in the top 10. In other words, they can’t be nominated again until after week four. You can see the wheels spinning in poor little Rachel’s brain.

Blah blah blah this is big blah blah blah I’ll happily send my dad home blah blah blah totally blows my strategy blah blah blah. After some bikini highlights (ok, there are other things shown), the show is over.

So what did you think of the episode? Did you like the twists? I’m sure the rest of the BigBrotherGossip crew will have plenty to say about everything that was shown tonight on the second episode of The Big Brother Gossip Show, which will be available here late Saturday night.

Tuesday
Sep152009

Big Brother - Season 11, Finale Recap (Part One)

Well, here we are almost to the conclusion of another season of Big Brother. So what did my readers think of this year’s show? Personally, I had problems with a few of the production decisions. The “high school clique” angle was a disaster; allowing a former cast member to return was also terrible; and they never did touch on the “green” angle that was a part of the pre-show publicity. Most of the competitions were also a bit lacking. It’s a sad state that the best games were those that we’d seen before.

I hate to admit to this, but the feeds were also a bit lacking this season. A good portion of this cast did little more than sleep away the day, and when they were awake they just rehashed the same conversations over and over. Even when there was action, this skewed sleep schedule made it so all of the good stuff happened in the middle of the night.

Having said that, though, the CBS broadcasts were a giant leap over previous seasons. This was mainly due to the timing of what little action that did occur. Blowouts after nominations and POV competitions ensured that the Tuesday show was generally more action-packed than usual, and the twists and backdoor evictions also created livelier Thursday shows than usual. (It also helps the hour-long broadcasts when a good portion of the house is just a half-step away from being certifiable lunatics.)

Surprisingly, the real star of this season was Julie Chen! It pains me to say this, as I’ve long said she’s the weakest link of the show, but she came alive this season. Maybe it was the hormones kicking in, but she was not the Chenbot we’ve seen in past years (or on The Early Show). She was very quick-witted this year, and for once didn’t seem content to let B.S. statements just sit there. I hope the post-pregnancy version next year is as vibrant as she was this season.

Speaking of the Chenbot, let’s get this show on the road! Ugh, enough with the “first time ever” garbage. Keeping a third person to the finale is not an earth-shattering change. Oh, how I’ve missed Laura’s tatas! Otherwise, the season recap is unnecessary. Wait, Braden was one of Jessie’s biggest threats? Oh God! Blah blah blah, alliance, coup d-etat, blah blah blah, Chima is nuts, blah blah blah, “last minute lie“, Jeff‘s betrayed, blah blah blah. Let’s get to the good stuff!

Ok, here we go. Ooooh, Jordan looks fantastic tonight! Ugh, we have to proceed with the final three hanging out in the house this past weekend. I don’t know how they can make this sound exciting. But we begin with Julie’s announcement that she won the second round of the HOH competition. Jordan, of course, is excited. “I’m so excited!” Kevin is also excited, as that means “Natalie is no longer a part of the equation.” He feels confident that Jordan would take him to the finals.

Natalie, obviously, is not so happy, and says she has to spend these days convincing both of them to carry her to the finals. Um, judging by what I saw on the live feeds you didn’t do that great of a job sucking up to them. She heads into the bedroom with a deck of cards, and is joined by Kevin. “I hope if you win, you stick with the deal and take me. I don’t know why, (but) I just feel like you’ll go with her.” Kevin says he believes “the bitch” (Jordan) would take her instead of him. Kevin says he just wants to relax and enjoy being in the final three, but says in the diary room that Natalie is indeed correct in her assessment that Kevin won’t be taking her if he gets that choice. “I just hope I can trust you”, says Natalie.

We next see Natalie being called into the diary room, and Kevin asks if Jordan is on board with going together to the finals. She tells him not to worry, but is worried that Kevin won’t take her to the finals. “1000 percent, if I get the choice, I’ll take you.” He goes to describe how taking Natalie is a guaranteed second, and at least with Jordan he has a chance. Jordan, though, says in the diary room that she’s going to take Natalie if she wins. Ohnoes!!!

It’s now dark out, and Kevin is heading outside with a blanket. Natalie wants to play pool, but instead kisses up to Jordan by saying that she hopes they keep in contact after the show. Come on, Jordan can’t really believe that! Natalie claims that Jordan is just like one of her girlfriends back home. Yeah, sure. They both claim that if evicted, they’ll fight for the other in the jury. Jordan says in the diary room that her final two deal with Natalie is “genuine”. God, I hope Kevin wins the final round!

Kevin is now sitting outside contemplating if he has a chance against either girl, and confides this thought to Natalie when she comes outside. He thinks his only hope is if Jeff decides to vote for him, even though he evicted him. It turns out into a pity party, though, as both of them talk about how the jury hates them. “People vote personally, Kevin.” Natalie does stick her foot in her mouth, though, when she says that if she’s evicted she’s voting for Jordan. This (supposedly) causes Kevin’s head to jerk back towards Natalie. Kevin still thinks he’s playing for second place, even though he’s played the best out of all of them. Ok, I’m done with this segment, and luckily we quickly head to commercials.

When we return, we go to Julie’s interview with the house. She asks Kevin what BB has taught him about himself. He says that it has taught him to have more confidence in himself. Natalie is then asked what she’ll miss the most of the house. “I’m going to miss living with 12 people.” Julie follow up with “all 12”? Good one. Jordan is then asked about being away from home for the longest time in her life, and after a customary “oh gosh”, she says she learned “patience with everyone”, and that she’s a “grown girl”.

Now it’s time for Michelle’s entrance to the jury house. It begins with a cheesecake shot of Jeff for the ladies, and he says that after a couple of uncomfortable days he’s enjoying his stay. As they’re all playing pool, Jeff jokes that they should “wait for Kevin”. Lydia asks who Russell thinks will be next, and he answers Kevin. Lydia wants it to be Michelle, and Jeff says “raise your hand if you think whatever Jessie thinks”. Jeff’s on fire tonight! Lydia returns the joke that it may be Jordan, but Jeff thinks he’s safe. Russell adds that he really doesn’t want to see Michelle enter the jury.

Cue to the view of the limo pulling up, and it’s the standard response as Michelle enters. Jessie’s excited, but Jeff says it’s shocking. Michelle fills them in on how she was evicted, and Michelle fills them in on the second Pandora’s Box. Lydia’s responds to the engagement with “who cares?” Jeff asks if Natalie’s boyfriend is a tool. Lydia now likes Jeff…and so does most of America. Michelle is then filled in on the age lie, but Michelle claims that she’s known that from the beginning, and she says that Natalie’s reputation in the jury house has gone downhill.

They then watch the video, and Lydia retches when they hear Natalie claim she won HOH by sticking to her word. They also roll their eyes at Natalie’s ridiculous nomination getup. Trust me, when Lydia makes fun of your costume, you’re in trouble. Oh God, I’m loving this. Jeff says the costume alone will make him not vote for her. “I hope Jordan takes her out”, Lydia adds. Wow, even Jessie says he’d “even” vote for Michelle over Natalie for the prize money!

We return from commercials to a shot of Natalie’s family in the audience, and we head to the jury meeting. Well, we kind of already saw that in the last segment, but this one is the overly-staged version. Russell points out that the three left in the house are not the hardest players in the house, so they should consider voting on how they interacted. He says that he never talked to Natalie, but Jeff counters that he never talked to Kevin. Um, you did one week, and it screwed you. Jeff thinks it’s a tossup, and then it just goes around and around for a bit. Jeff points out that Kevin wasn’t always so sweet, and Jeff blows up at Lydia. “Get in your spaceship.”

Jessie says that Kevin and Natalie both played a lot better than Jordan, but Jeff responds that they had a lot of chances to eliminate her. Lydia counters that she did stay in the house longer than Jeff. Russell says Jordan’s best move was to attach herself to Jeff, but otherwise she had no power moves. Ok, the Lydia and Jeff show is getting tiring. “She was your little marionette that danced when you told her to.” Jeff again throws it back at her that she does whatever Jessie instructs her to do, which angers Jessie. “Play your strings, N’sync”, Jeff replies.

Russell moves the conversation on to Natalie, but says she “fell onto her strategy by mistake”. Michelle says she just attached herself to stronger players until they were gone. Jessie claims that Natalie didn’t persuade him to do anything he did. Jeff doesn’t think she deserves to be in the finals at all, and of course Jessie has to flex when Jeff throws a compliment his way.

After all of this, Lydia suggests that they should just wait and see how this plays out. I agree. Michelle adds that Kevin was great at moving misinformation around to benefit him. Jessie then out of the blue says his happiest day was seeing Jeff enter the jury house, and his second happiest day was seeing Michelle come in. She goes on to sort of agree with Lydia that they need to wait until they hear from the final two, and Lydia smartly adds that they need to be aware that the final two are going to kiss their asses to get their vote. Thankfully, we have come to the close of the jury discussion.

So here we go with the final HOH competition, and it’s questions about the jury members. Kevin looks nervous. The first question is what Jessie thought was the best part of the house, and Kevin correctly guesses that it’s the ladies. The second question is about what annoyed Lydia the most, and this time Jordan guesses that it’s Jeff’s coup d’etat.

Russell is the subject of the third question, and again Jordan is correct! Jeff’s question is about his fatal mistake, and this time Kevin is correct. It’s now 2-2, going into the final question about Michelle. They both have the same correct answer, so it’s tie breaker time. Uh oh, it’s a number question. This doesn’t look good for Jordan. The question is how many votes to evict have been cast this season, and Jordan looks confused while Kevin is actually calculating. Jordan guesses 50, and Kevin’s guess is 80. The correct answer is 51, and Jordan is the final HOH!!!

OMG, what a shocker!!!

Tuesday
Sep152009

Big Brother - Season 11 Finale (Part Two)


It’s now time for Jordan to decide who she’s taking to the finals. Natalie is first to plead her case, and after a history lesson she says that they both stayed true to their partners. Now they’re friends (yeah, right), but no matter what they’ll still remain friends. “Please keep me in this game, Jordan.”

Kevin then gets up, and after saying he’ll keep things short, he says “please keep me in the house.” He claims he never did anything against her in the house, and that she’s “Gucci”. After being reminded that at the very least she’ll get $50,000, she needs to make the “half million dollar decision”. Jordan then gets up and says how much she hates to make this decision. She thinks that no matter what she’s destined for second place, but she has to go with her gut. She then evicts Kevin because he’s already won ten grand, and continues to go on about how awful she feels.

Jordan continues to try to explain to Kevin, and he says it’s ok. “It’s a good decision.” Natalie reminds him that he has to go, and he finally enters the studio to loud applause. We go back to the house, and they’re going through what they think will be the jury votes.

Julie starts in with what went wrong with Jordan, but Kevin says that he thinks she made a “smarter move”. He adds that he’s not mad at her. Julie then asks if booting Michelle over Jordan was a mistake. “I don’t know! No regrets, Julie. I had a blast. It was a dream of a lifetime. I‘ve been applying since the first season!” Julie ends the segment by asking what is going to influence his vote, and he says it’s how they played the game. We go out with sweet goodbye messages from both Jordan and Natalie.

After an extremely long commercial break, the jury members are brought in one by one. Jeff easily gets the biggest round of applause, although Russell’s ovation is also pretty nice. Julie then asks Jeff who is the person who will be joining them in the final jury spot. He says Kevin, and Lydia says she hopes it’s Natalie. (Who doesn’t?) Kevin is then introduced, and Lydia comments that “there’s two witches in the final two.” Julie then informs them that Jordan won the final HOH, and evicted Kevin.

It’s now time for jury questions, and as a group they got to come up with three questions. Kevin also gets to ask one question. Russell begins the questioning by asking Jordan about her strategy before she came in. She says that she told herself to “lay low, and not trust anyone.” She babbles on like a silly little valley girl, and that she decided to just “be herself” and “lay under the radar”.

Lydia has the second question, and asks Natalie who the biggest threat was to her. Natalie answers that it was Lydia, and it was because of her strong friendship with Jessie. Um, I’m not sure that’s a great answer. Lydia shakes her head.

Jeff then asks Jordan what her best move was, besides aligning with him. She says it was probably evicting Kevin, since everybody would be happy about Kevin voting out Jeff. “I would not have a shot.”

Michelle then asks Natalie about the age lie, and her engagement. Natalie babbles on about that the engagement is real, and that it was important for Michelle to inform everybody of the big news. The age question is not addressed at all.

Jessie then asks Jordan why she should get the money over Natalie, and she answers that she proved herself by winning the final two rounds of the HOH. “I didn’t have to depend on anybody else.”

Russell is then up again, and he asks Natalie why she deserves to win. She says she came in with a strategy, and that was to not be the strongest or weakest player, and to align herself with strong player. She also claims that she never backstabbed or betrayed anybody. Yeah, right. “I was true to my alliance.” Even the audience laughs at this.

Kevin then gets his question, and asks Jordan what she did better in the game than Natalie. She again babbles about laying low, and says that they both acted very similar. She doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Jordan and Natalie now have to give their final speeches. This should get interesting. Jordan goes first, and she again repeats about how she wanted to stay true to her alliances, and wanted everybody to just think of her as harmless. She says she’s very proud of herself, though, and that she has proven herself with her wins. “I didn’t need anybody else to help me. I think it showed I was a better competitor than I was playing off to be. I hope that you guys see that.” She adds that nothing was ever personal. Whoa, nice thighs!

Natalie then starts off by saying that she didn’t need to win competitions, and that Jeff putting her up with the coup d’etat proved that she was really playing the game. She also repeats how she never betrayed her alliance, and that she proved that by giving Ronnie a vote even when she knew he was going to be evicted.

Voting now starts with Jessie, and they all insert their keys with a final statement. Jessie just babbles “hakua matata” (I thought it was "coup d'etat"), and Lydia says to Jordan that she “loves a good blonde”. Russell says that he voted for the person played the best game, while Jeff tells Jordan that he’s very proud of her. Michelle says she’s voting for “the strongest female in this game”, and Kevin says he wanted to vote for “who was cuter, but you’re both cute so it’s strictly strategic”. Julie then announces that the seventh jury member is “America”, and she locks in “our” vote.

Before we get to the votes, though, we get a segment with Braden, Laura’s tatas, Ronnie, and Casey. After another lengthy clip package, they’re all introduced. Julie begins with asking Ronnie what surprised him the most, and he babbles about how he bows down to Natalie’s feet for her great lying. He tells Jordan that Natalie has lied to her more than he ever could. “Shut up!” He spills the beans on her age, and we hear Kevin yell “I knew it!” He then says that he’s made at Natalie for him being the only person in their alliance that wasn’t informed of the lie. “Week two would have been different if I had known I was the odd man out.”

Julie moves on to Casey, and he’s asked about the biggest mistake in the game. He says that it was Jeff believing Natalie and Kevin’s lie, and the “last minute lie” clip is then showed. Jeff is asked for his response, and Kevin looks nervous before Jeff tells him to relax. He claims that he’s not mad at either of them.

We move on to asking Braden about what surprised him the most, and he asks Jessie how he’s such a big pimp in the house. “You got all the girls in your bed. I’m taking notes all day.” Jessie says he was just trying to play the game “like Kevin”, but it was Kevin who could pull it off. Wait, no questions for Laura? Hmmmmm.

Oh wait, we get more chatter from the former HG’s. Laura’s tatas are asked about Chima, but she starts by applauding Jordan. Laura says that as a big fan of the show, she was “hurt” by Chima’s actions. “There are thousands of people out there in America that would have killed to still be in the house.” She adds that she felt bad for Kevin, Lydia, and Natalie as they lost an ally. Kevin says that he agrees with Laura.

Julie then asks about all the nasty stuff said about each other in the house, and we then see Ronnie’s infamous eviction of Michelle. She says that she knows Ronnie doesn’t really believe that to be the case, and that she really doesn’t know what she did to offend Ronnie. He apologizes, and says it was about a disagreement they had earlier that day…and that it was strategy to throw the rest of the house out.

Jessie is then asked about his relationship with Lydia, and his claim that it was platonic. We then see clips of their action under the covers, and Julie then reads the Webster’s definition of “platonic”. “Would you still say your relationship was platonic?” He doesn’t answer, of course, and Lydia is asked if this romance continued in the house. She also doesn’t answer, and Julie responds, “silence is golden, and also says a lot”. Good one! Julie notes that Russell looks shocked, and he had no clue this was going on.

Of course, we have to conclude with a question about Jeff and Jordan’s relationship. “We’ll see if she wins or not”, he replies to lots of laughter. Julie presses, and he says “we’ll see what happens outside of the house.” Jordan is asked for a response, and she just says that she agrees. Milking it a bit more, Julie asks the audience if Jordan should get to go to Hawaii with Jeff, but he just says she’s on the “short list”. Hahahaha!

It’s now time to pull the keys and FINALLY see who won this year’s game. America’s key is pulled first, and we voted for Jordan. Wow, Jessie voted for Jordan!!! We know Lydia also voted for Jordan. Russell voted for Natalie, though, but Jeff, of course, voted for Jordan! Jordan has won Big Brother!!!

Jordan is greeted by her family as she comes out, but we Jeff gets lost in the shuffle. The last two votes are shown, and Michelle voted for Jordan and Kevin voted for Natalie. Jordan says that she’s going to use the money to put a down payment on a house for her mother, and some help for her aunt. “Maybe a new car.” America’s Favorite Houseguest’s prize goes to Jeff. No surprise there.

And that’s it for the season. Thanks for following the show at our silly little site!

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