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Entries in helen (29)

Thursday
Aug222013

There's Logic Behind My Loyalty

HelenThose here who like me, if anybody does, won't like me at all after reading this: I have been, and proudly remain, a loyal member of #TeamHelen.

Helen is the only house guest who hasn't annoyed me with confrontational mannerisms and deceit.

Don't misunderstand ... I'm not at all saying that she hasn't been confrontational and deceitful. As does every game player, she absolutely has employed her share of each. It just didn't annoy me.

Unlike, say, Amanda. Who has won nothing yet controls everything. Who has nothing kind to say about anybody. Who treats even her allies with disdain.

Unlike GinaMarie. Who is quite possibly the most mean-spirited non-fictional character I've ever seen on television. Geez, did you hear what she said to Candice the very last second that unfortunate woman was in the house? That was the moment when I was simply done with GM.

Amanda, you'll go eventually. Won't miss ya. GinaMarie? Sorry, I'll miss you even less than Amanda.Unlike Aaryn. Who was seemingly hated by all house guests (and viewers) for weeks yet survived it. Who has become, whether via actual skill or blind luck, one of the strongest players in the house ... yet who has resolutely and dutifully wasted the many opportunities given to her. Who has dreamt out loud in the Diary Room about big moves but who did only what others dictated.

Unlike McCrae. Who lives in the shadow of an autarch without realizing he can't win unless she goes first.

I will do what I want as HOH. I will do what I want as HOH. I will -- d'oh!! (Aaryn channels Homer Simpson.)Unlike Andy. Who lies and floats and lies and floats, feigning loyalty throughout. Who, except during his HOH week, purposely avoids success during every competition.

Unlike Candice. Who deserved none of the disgusting comments thrown at her by ignorant bullies but who literally slept through her eviction week, totally refusing to compete.

Unlike Elissa. Who is there only to shill for Elissa Slater Enterprises Company Incorporated, apparently under license and permission from CBS, if rumors about her higher stipend and special considerations are true.

And, at least a little, unlike Spencer. Who seems to survive not by being likable but by being less dislikable than others.

Helen's & Elissa's alliance is inherently less powerful than McCrae's & Amanda's. Showmance trumps friendship. Would Amanda have been as powerful without McCrae?Resigned to her fate, Helen packs.Helen has played the game enthusiastically, unapologetically, and, especially this week, constantly. She talked with everybody, trying to shape events and to prolong her time. Her strategy worked for many weeks, effectively sharing power with Amanda. You might not enjoy Helen's ceaseless talking and/or the ways she manipulated (or attempted to manipulate) people, but can't we agree that Helen is way more of a game player than many others in #BB15 are or have been?

Who makes you feel like this more often, Spencer? Amanda or Helen?Yes, I'm still new to all of this ... and, yes, she's been my favorite since I started watching. But as I've learned more about this game, my respect for Helen has grown.

I have no expectation that this will convince anybody to join me on #TeamHelen. Also, despite lots of speculation, to me it feels quite unlikely that Helen will win the jury comp to bounce right back into the house tonight.

Even so, even if you don't like her, wouldn't that be delicious to watch? After endless weeks of unanimous, predictable, boring eviction votes pre-arranged not by the HOH but by Amanda and, somewhat less directly, Helen, I would love to watch the following turn of events:

- Helen wins the jury competition and comes right back in.

- Elissa or Helen wins HOH.

- The HOH nominates, say, GinaMarie and Andy, with the intent to backdoor Amanda. Or Amanda and McCrae, for the sheer theatrics of it.

Helen dreams of a miracle. With Helen or Elissa as HOH, how hard would it be to convince Aaryn, GinaMarie, and Spencer that they'd last longer with Amanda gone -- and be happier, too?  For the second week in a row, only a three-vote majority would be needed to make it happen.

Only three votes!

On the other hand, this newbie has learned that Amanda's nastiness, while universally acknowledged by the house guests, apparently has no bearing on their strategies.

I haven't yet learned why.

"Unfortunately, this is how it ends. Unless a miracle happens," Helen said (at 6:46 PM last night, August 21, on camera 4). And she's right.

I hold one hope for #BB15 redemption: If Amanda goes the week after Helen, it'll be a whole new show.

When Helen goes, I'll be sad ... but Ash and Scott will be delighted. And for the record, I will enjoy reading their snarkiness about the entire episode in their next posts, as I have in their last ones. Don't take anything we write here too seriously, folks! We're glad you're reading, even when you might not be agreeing. What's your miracle scenario? Share it below or tweet me @uselesstraffic.

Wednesday
Aug212013

Big Brother Season 15, Episode 24 Recap

I almost forgot there was a show tonight. The feeds have been full of silliness today, and I just spent three hours watching the entire house have a meltdown. Too bad only a couple of minutes of this footage will actually make tomorrow night’s show.

I looked at the clock just in time, so here we go. There will be lots of pontificating tonight. Maybe even a cheerleader dance, and a slightly unexpected veto win in a competition hosted by a “lovesick beaver”. Sound like fun? Well, let’s go then!

Before we get to that, though, we have to sit through some pontificating from Elissa and Helen, the current nominees. Aaryn says that her speech was “very strategic”, designed to make it look like she was protecting herself and GinaMarie instead of the unknown 3 A.M. alliance. Helen says that you should never feel safe, but she actually does because of her (phony) final three deal with Andy and McCrae. Eliissa, meanwhile, feels “really sad” to be up on the block with her “closest ally”.

Elissa is then seen moaning “I’m sorry” to Helen, and then stating the most obvious thing a nominee can say. “We have to win the veto. I mean seriously” No shit, Sherlock! Somehow Helen thinks that nominating the two of them is a hope they’d turn against each other. No, not really, but she is right in saying that she needs to temper Elissa’s behavior the next few days. “No more fighting with Aaryn. We’ve got to be calm.” The idea, although they don’t really have the power to complete it without Aaryn, is to win veto and put up Spencer. “Just one of us has to win the veto.”

Andy walks into the room, and Helen grabs him for a chat in the cockpit. He says he “feels very out of the loop”, and Helen then says that she was a bit angry with Elissa for what happened (and was not really shown on Sunday) the day before. She also lies and says that Elissa said it was her fault for Helen being nominated. Andy fake cries, and says that he can’t handle losing either of them. She reiterates that they have to make Spencer the target.

Meanwhile, Amanda is grinding all over McCrae before they’re interrupted by Elissa. She plops herself down on the other bed, and Amanda tells her they were just making out. Elissa asks McCrae for his thoughts, and he says they need to win the veto. Elissa then complains that she thinks that Helen is blaming her for being nominated. Wait, what? Amanda sees an opening, and says that Helen is now going to start campaigning for herself. “Just play hard”, she says. Elissa almost accurately reads the script that says that part of her thinks Amanda is “just manipulating me”, but another part sort of believes her. (Too bad a lot of good stuff wasn’t shown here.)

Now Spencer comes into the cockpit room, and Andy tells him what Helen just said. Andy says he needs to fight for the veto, but Andy can’t. Spencer hopes that there will be a situation where Andy can throw it to him.

Oh boy, it’s already time to pick the players! Arryn pulls her chip first, and it is GinaMarie. Helen then pulls Spencer, her worst nightmare. Elissa’s chip is house guest choice, and she picks Andy, who didn’t want to play. “Dammit!”

Helen and Andy talk again, and she asks if the plan is to send her home. Andy feigns ignorance, saying that nobody is telling him. He says that she has him and McCrae, for sure. She also thinks that he would use the veto on her if he was to win it. “I’m so blatantly lying to her face.”

Beating a dead horse, Amanda and Arryn are talking about how Helen can’t win. Andy joins them, and Amanda tells him that he can’t throw it until it’s definite that she won’t win. This doesn’t please Amanda. “I feel like right now in the game, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t”, he says in the diary room.

After commercials, it is indeed VETO time. They look up and see a giant beaver. Yes, it’s OTEV time, although Helen mispronounces it. So each round has a “love letter” written to an evictee, and then they all have to find the letter in the mud. The last one to return is eliminated.

We sit through a few “have to win it” diary rooms before the first round. It’s about a rant about wine, and the game is on. Jeremy is obviously the correct answer here, and Helen is the first up with it. Elissa claims that while looking for his letter, she scanned where the others are. Elissa is the second up, followed by Arryn, Andy, and Spencer. Yes, GinaMarie is out...and not happy. “All I wanted was to hear a Nick riddle.”

Round two is about Judd’s bear shirt, and this time Spencer is the first to return. Almost all of them are returning at the same time, but Elissa jumps in just ahead of Helen. I mean, she sprinted as Helen was halfway up as Elissa was still in the water. Helen is out, and Amanda giggles.

The next round is about a clown, so it’s Candice. Again, Spencer is easily the first back up, followed by Aaryn. Helen is getting mad as Andy isn’t moving real fast, but they both race back at the same time. Elissa knocks Andy to the side, and he bumps his head on the log. “Elissa Enzo’d me!” Yep, Andy is out this time.

The fourth “love letter” is about a body “chiseled from stone”. Elissa says it has to be Howard, so she’s the first back up this time, followed by Spencer. Arryn is now out!

We’re now down to Spencer versus Elissa. Normally, this would be no contest, but Spencer has been kicking ass so far. Can he continue? The question is about giving away money, so Elissa says it has to be Jessie. Spencer is concerned as he’s never seen her name in the mud, and he grabs his around the same time as Elissa. Unfortunately for him, she makes it up in plenty of time to win the veto! “I guess I’m good in the mud!” Helen is as excited as Elissa (ok, more), and Amanda can’t figure out why as she’s the actual target.

It’s commercial time, and afterwards Elissa and Helen have a “crazy dance”. Well, Helen does. Elissa doesn’t really do much but high five. It’s also time for Helen to give one of her patented motivational speeches. “Your head is in this game.” Now they have to get Arryn to put up Spencer.

Andy joins them, and Helen thanks him for “trying to win it for us”. Actually, she admits in the diary room that she was disappointed in him. “I saw how he was playing in that comp. He wasn’t hustling at all!” Uh oh, maybe Andy isn’t fighting for her at all!

We’re now in the kitchen, and Elissa asks Amanda what’s going to happen. Amanda says it looks like Spencer is going up but Helen is going home. Amanda says in the diary room that she’s telling her this so that Elissa will become closer to her. She adds that there is nothing that they can do to stop this, and that the more she does to try to save her will hurt her in the long run. Elissa is not happy with this, but “I definitely don’t want Amanda gunning for me, as the whole house will be against me again”.

Helen is then seen talking to Elissa in the bathroom. After Elissa complains about how dirty it is, Helen tells her that she’s going to go talk to Arryn about what’s going to happen. Elissa warns her about something that is impossible. “We have to make sure they’re not going to back door you.” Look, you can’t back door an original nominee! Helen asks if she thinks Amanda is trying to get rid of her, and Elissa gives a weird little answer. Yep, Helen now knows it’s true, but Elissa doesn’t want to be involved. “Please don’t bring me into anything with Amanda.” Helen knows that Elissa’s weirdness is sending her a signal, and that Amanda has clearly threatened her.

She then barges into the HOH room, and immediately goes on the offensive about how her “life is on the line”. Ugh, one of those cliches I hate. We hear this spiel about how her, Elissa, Aarryn, and GinaMarie have finally came together “to get rid of everybody in the house”. It’s because of Amanda and McCrae that her and Elissa were on the block, and this starts to pull on Aaryn’s heartstrings. Oh wait, I’m not supposed to believe that Aaryn has a heart! Aaryn, though, lets slip that she thinks Andy is on their side, too. Cue the music! Aaryn continues on about how everything she has said has gone to Amanda. “The game changing move for this game may be getting Amanda out of this house”, proclaims Helen as we go to commercials.

Ugh, we’re now back to talking about the time that Jeremy stole the bottle of wine. Why are they showing this idiocy? Oh, I see why, as the retell starts a big fight between Aaryn and Amanda. I still don’t give a shit. McCrae’s not happy about this, especially as this is shortly before Aaryn has to put up a replacement nominee. “Who does she thinks she is?” says Aaryn as she wanders up to the HOH.

Andy follows her up, and reminds her that they have a “solid position” in the house. He says they’ve “never once given one doubt” about them. Amanda comes into the room, and they again rehash “winegate”. This time, Amanda storms out, and Aaryn starts crying about how she’s always done what Amanda wanted with no respect back from her. Andy continues to tell her that this is the correct road to go down. Well, we got the footage needed to make it look like we don’t know who will be the new nominee.

Guess what? It’s time for the veto ceremony! Let’s skip the bullshit voice overs. We know that Elissa is going to use it, and Spencer is indeed put up in her place “because this is the corner that I’m being pushed into”. Elissa gives us a bit of a changeup, though, as she says that she wishes she could use it to save Helen instead.

Spencer is worried, Helen is disappointed, and Aaryn has no guts. “Amanda is scary. People are scared to piss Amanda off because she has a way of getting the house on her side and doing whatever she wants to do.” Amanda is obviously happy with Aaryn, and that’s it for tonight!

What did you think of the episode? Did you enjoy the OTEV? Should Helen go home tomorrow? Tell us in the comments!

 

Wednesday
Aug212013

A Day In The Life Of: Helen

First off, my apologies for not having one of these diary posts in recent weeks. The problem was that those set to be evicted (Candice, Jessie) had already been chronicled. Yes, I missed Judd, but it was impossible to predict who was going to go home on double eviction night (although I have a good chance at getting a second opportunity if he wins the return match on Thursday).

Judging by the last couple of days, this is going to be a tough assignment. Helen is naturally a motormouth, and being on the block has put her in overdrive. She’s been nonstop in pushing people to change their votes to save her, and I have a feeling that’s not going to change in this 24 hour (or so) period.

Today begins, thankfully, without her normal indoor prancersizing. In fact, we don’t even see her until a minute or so before the house is awakened by 10:30 a.m. Her and Elissa are the only ones to arise, though, and Helen immediately heads out back for her workout.

When she returns, Elissa is cleaning and making coffee. Elissa says that she’s exhausted, but Helen had the best night of sleep to date. Helen then changes into her bikini, and heads back outside to do a load of laundry. Then she returns for a little hair and makeup.

Returning to the kitchen, they continue to comment about the prior night’s sleep before grabbing some coffee to take outside. “It’s exhausting being nominated, right?” asks Elissa. Yes, we’re off for the first marathon chat of the day. Helen starts right in on how they need to bring Aaryn into their fold. They obviously can’t work with Amanda, although she says “I love Amanda as a game player. She’s phenomenal.” They also don’t have Andy anymore. “He’s like my son, and he’s strayed. It’s like he’s been brainwashed.” She adds that at least she’s going out due to Amanda’s work, instead of somebody like Spencer.

Surprisingly, she has grown a fondness for GinaMarie, despite her craziness, and they both now have to rely on the two of them. Elissa is having none of this, though. “We could never depend on people like GinaMarie or Aaryn”. Especially that “horrible person”, Aaryn. “They are not solid individuals. You could not depend on people like that.” Helen counters that she thinks she can win over Aaryn because she’s concerned how “America” is looking at her. Elissa doesn’t agree. “Every night, she says she doesn’t give a ‘f’”, and recounts the horrible things she said in the past.

Helen says that Aaryn has been “trying to rebuild her reputation”, but Elissa again doesn’t agree. “(You’re going to teach her) how to be fake on camera so people in America will view her differently than she really is”. Helen is starting to get a bit frustrated that Elissa is countering every thing she’s saying. “Nothing is ever going to change my opinion on what she is. She’s not a solid person.” I’m starting to think Elissa is a bit jealous of Aaryn.

There’s no stopping Helen, though. She again brings up that mythical player, America, and that being around “good” people will change her. Elissa won’t let her finish a sentence as she continues to say that it would be fake. Hanging out with her and Elissa will make her a good person, says Helen. No, that would only work with GinaMarie, counters Elissa. “If GinaMarie hung around us, she would probably be successful. If GinaMarie hangs around with someone like Aaryn, she’s going to be below Aaryn. Aaryn only cares about Aaryn.” She adds that Aaryn is the kind of girl that would steal your husband and stab you in the back. “You can’t teach a scorpion not to sting.” Seriously, these are the most words I’ve heard Elissa say all season.

Helen dials it down a bit, and says that she needs GinaMarie’s vote, and Aaryn is the key to that vote. She moves on to talking about herself, and how in real life she is exactly like she is in the house. “I think people are scared of being evicted more than I am.” No, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. They talk a bit more about Amanda, who Elissa thinks is a “good investment”. Helen doesn’t disagree, and says she wouldn’t have a problem giving her a vote. “The next best person could be Spencer. If he makes it to the end, that means he’s going to be winning now.” Sure, Helen.

Suddenly, we go to fish, and when we return Helen is fiddling around in the kitchen. Her and Elissa begin scraping a pot that they had let simmer with milk for too long. They set up another pot of milk, and go change clothes. Suddenly, out of the blue Helen asks “I wonder what the Brachel Army is going to think of me”. That’s not a typo. She said Brachel Army. Elissa says they’ll “probably love you”. She asks the “Brachel Army” to pray for her.

After pouring some more coffee, they head back outside. Helen still won’t stop talking about the “Brachel Army”, which is now a “strategy in the house”. Um, ok. Elissa finally corrects her. Helen now asks her what she’s going to do if she leaves. “I don’t know”, replies Elissa. “I’m going to die with these people...I don’t have anything in common with them.” Helen tells her that she needs to fight. Now they believe that Spencer winning would be a horrific thing, but Helen switches back to defending him. Elissa says that telling Amanda and McCrae that she’ll vote for Spencer in the finals could save her. Good luck with that.

There’s a little bit more analysis of Spencer and McCrae before they go back in to work on their slop. Back outside, they go right back to talking about others in the house, namely Amanda. Oh yeah, and how Andy is such a disappointment. Oh, and according to Elissa, “Aaryn is dumb”. It then turns into a pep talk, as Elissa will have nobody to talk to if Helen leaves. “I’ve never had anything in common with anybody but you and Andy. And Candice. And Judd and Jessie. Mmmmm hmmmm!” Then they go back to bashing those still in the house, and bragging how they’re so much better than the rest. This day is already getting a bit repetitive.

Suddenly, out of the blue Helen starts bawling as she talks about how this house has made her feel beautiful. It’s now a lovefest about each other before Elissa finally heads back into the house. Finally, some peace and quiet!

Elissa comes back out in just minutes, and starts in again on Aaryn. Then suddenly, Helen says she wants to start a business with Elissa. “I want to be my own boss, and I want to do it with you.” Hey, I have a few ideas! Elissa says she’s going to use the show to further about a dozen ideas. “I know I’m building a wellness center. I know I want to work with ministry. I know I’m dedicating my life to charity. That’s what I want to do because it makes me feel happy. And I want to do side businesses. I want to do my yoga. I’m going to do it all.” Fair enough. No snark on that statement. Helen wants to market a line of workout clothes, and they’ll be successful because they’re such an “inspiration” to America. Where’s the barf bag?

They move on to Rachel, and Helen proves her ignorance of the show by asking if Rachel got along with everybody. Elissa says that she was “taking estrogen like crazy to spiral out of control”, and Helen attempts to hide her ignorance by (incorrectly) talking about one of her favorite Rachel moments.

We meander back to Helen’s favorite topic - Helen. She criticizes Amanda’s bandaid boob incident. “What she has to lose isn’t the same as what I have to lose. It’s too totally different world. Maybe that doesn’t make me as exciting as a reality TV star, but I’m more reality. My life is more reality.” She wants to be become the chair of her kid’s PTA, which you can’t do with those kinds of pictures. Really? She does admit to taking herself way too seriously, but the house has allowed her to let loose. “The fun that I’ve had here is about as fun as Helen gets. I’m a stick in the mud. Being goofy is not part of my personality.” Yep, we know. She adds that GinaMarie inspires her to be funny.

After three hours, the conversation FINALLY ends. Or is it, as Helen continues to ask Elissa questions about her family life as they lower the shades. Helen finally goes inside as Elissa begins to run laps.

She then makes a little bit of small talk with Andy as she washes a few dishes. She slips into some sandals, and heads right back outside to check her laundry. Elissa finishes running, and moves over to talk some more to Helen about their backgrounds. Oh yeah, and how “disgusting” Aaryn was to Candice.

The rest of the house is finally awake, but really aren’t interacting with her. They’re not ignoring her, although Spencer and Andy made a couple of jokes when they saw Helen and Elissa chatting outside. They’re just doing their usual lounging, while Helen is doing her usual chores.

Finally, Helen pulls Amanda into the cockpit room. She begins by saying that she’s not giving up, but if she did end up in the jury she wouldn’t be “bitter”. Helen gives her the patented pep talk, telling Amanda that she’s played a “phenomenal game. I know when I’ve met my match.” Amanda responds by saying that she was angry yesterday because some of her tactics were “personal”. Grab some popcorn, kids. This is going to get good! Helen does acknowledge that this is “fair”, and that she is “very sorry for a lot of things”. Of course, she really does love Amanda, and “knows I met my match”. She again apologizes, and says that she is “one of the smartest people I’ve ever met”.

It is now Amanda’s turn to tear up as she talks about how much she loves McCrae, and that he is his own man. “I feel like some of the things you said to him really hurt me.” Helen claims that she felt bad after the conversation with McCrae, and has “mad respect” for them as a couple. “I want you and McCrae in my life.” Ok, this isn’t as entertaining as I thought it would be, especially as Helen repeats over and over how much she is sorry and loves them.

Amanda also brings up Elissa and some comment about she made about McCrae “using” Amanda. Funny thing is that Elissa is outside the door listening in. Helen says that she doesn’t really know what that was about, and that Elissa is going to do what is best for her own game. At one point, Amanda says that Elissa needs her, and she needs Elissa.

Seriously, this is going on way too long. Both are just repeating themselves, and Amanda doesn’t help by throwing out the “bully” word. (In case you haven’t read my other material, it’s my feeling that the introduction of that word on reality shows is the worst thing in the world.) They finally hug, and they both wander outside.

Helen lays out by the pool, as most of the rest of the house lounges around the outdoor couch. She’s quiet for a bit before she’s joined by Elissa for a retell of the Amanda conversation. Elissa is becoming a bit distraught. “I can’t even handle it.” Helen tells her that she needs to stay strong, and that leads into another anti-Aaryn rant. “I feel like she’s one of the worst people I’ve ever met in my life. One of the most conniving, fake. She’s like 800 different people in one person.” It’s really getting to be over the top. “She has nothing to offer. Ever. Even in real life.”

Yet it doesn’t end. Elissa carries on and on and on, even saying that Aaryn is “jealous” of her. Helen reminds her that for her to stay she has to work with, and Elissa agrees that it is good for her, too, if Helen is friendly with her. “You need to get to the end of this game. America wants you to get to the end of this game. Brenchel Army wants you to get to the end of this game.” Please, Helen, stop speaking for me.

It doesn’t matter, as Elissa isn’t listening. She’s still convinced that Aaryn is jealous of her, so Helen continues to tell her that there will be a time when she’ll need Aaryn for something to further her game. “I don’t want anything to do with her.” Somehow, she believes that Aaryn is constantly comparing herself to Elissa, which is like “me comparing myself to like, freaking Poppy Montgomery, or Oprah”. Wait, what does that even mean?

Helen then begins begging “America” for food (wtf?), and they head back inside to cook themselves some slop. Guess who is also in the kitchen? That’s right. There’s Elissa’s best friend, Aaryn! GinaMarie is also in there, so at least Helen is quiet for a bit as she babbles her usual nonsense.

Thankfully for this hungry boy, the camera goes off Helen as she continues to cook, so I also get a break to cook dinner. She is briefly shown again as she makes mindless small talk with GinaMarie and Spencer as she eats, but the cams were mainly focused on Amanda’s conversation with Elissa. Guess who Elissa wants to talk about the most? Yes, Aaryn, but she’s also a bit angry that Helen was talking for her earlier.

An hour or so later, Helen grabs McCrae and has almost word for word the exact same conversation that she had with Amanda. She loves him, and her, “too death”, and they’ve done “amazing work” together. She came on too strong in last night’s conversation. “It’s a game.” Blah blah blah. The only difference is that she says “people” want her and Amanda to “not like each other”. What people? Besides the viewers?

Andy joins them, and she claims that she’s not going to go out like Jessie did last week. “If I go out on Thursday, I want to go out in peace.” She even says that she’s going to tell Judd that the two of them are kicking butt on his behalf. She adds that she’ll be “pissed if somebody from the Knockouts doesn’t win”, and compares her part of them to what Enzo and Lane did in the Brigade. “I go out with class, not Kamikaze style.” Oh please.

Hmmmm, one piece of weirdness, though. Despite her earlier compliments, Spencer is sort of becoming her version of what Aaryn is to Elissa. She’s so pissed that he is going to end up lasting longer than her, and doesn’t want to see him at the end. Candice is also brought up again, but this time it’s not quite the lovefest that it was this afternoon with Elissa.

The boys finally walk away, and Elissa (who had wandered in a few minutes earlier) asks Helen why she won’t go make a deal with Amanda. Helen replies that she doesn’t think that Amanda would be open to it, and then asks Elissa about her talk with Amanda. Elissa replies that Amanda apologized for being mad at her yesterday, but “I didn’t even notice, because I don’t even care if she’s angry.” Wow, Elissa is on a roll today, especially as she then (of all people) complain about everybody being “Debbie Downers”.

Elissa heads over to the hammock, so Helen goes back inside. She comes back out with some food, and joins Elissa, saying that she is going to give that same concession talk to everybody and hope that Spencer and Amanda end up fighting. “How do we make that happen?” Elissa thinks that she’s more desperate for Helen to say than she was for herself, and Helen replies that “it’s not over yet”. They decide that saying that Spencer may have a better chance of winning than the rest of them may work. “He’s played the worst game in history”, Elissa giggles, “but we need to keep saying it.” Sorry, but I don’t see that actually working. The other plan is to keep working on Amanda, which will get not only her vote but McCrae and Andy’s.

Amanda then comes out, and Helen tells her that she talked to McCrae. Elissa calls her over, but she has a cigarette to smoke first. Amanda finally comes over, and reports that Aaryn is now mad at her for the lengthy conversation she had with Elissa. A perfect opportunity for Elissa then to say that Spencer will get ALL of the jury votes. “He’s going to win this game. You mark my words.” The feeds go to fish for a bit, and when we return Helen is yelling about all of the fighting. “I don’t want to go out like a bomb. I want to go out with class. If I go out.”

Knowing everybody is still talking about her, Amanda heads back inside. Will Elissa’s plan actually work? Maybe, but in the meantime Helen is back to planning on working on GinaMarie and Aaryn. Ugh, bad topic, as we get the 100th retell of Elissa’s hatred for Aaryn. “They’re not entertaining.” We’re really back to 11:30 this morning.

There is some talk about Helen’s prediction that a guy will win this season. I’ve never understood why it matter which gender wins, but Helen’s biggest nightmare is for McCrae, Spencer, and Andy to start an alliance. Well, if Aaryn continues to piss off Amanda, there is a shot for that to kind of happen.

They move on to jewelry talk, which is kind of a relief, but not too interesting. The feeds get cut quite often as they mention their favorite jewelry stores, and some friends from back home. They keep going back to their favorite topics, though. Aaryn is this, and Spencer is that. It’s becoming maddening!

Eventually, Elissa heads inside, leaving Helen on her own in the hammock. Not for long, though, and when she comes back out they go back to talking about their clothing line. It’s now called “Hellisa”, although Elissa doesn’t like that name. Elissa brags about her yoga website, and how her “life is so busy”. Helen has quit her job to be on the show, though, so she will have a lot of time to devote to their company. Something tells me that this will never happen, though.

The cameras again go off Helen for a bit after she heads inside to hit the bathroom, and I must admit I’m ready for that break.

The peace and quiet doesn’t last long, though, as Elissa comes back. At least they’re not talking about Aaryn anymore...yet. Instead, it’s a debate of sorts about reading actual books versus the kindle or ipad. “I can’t wait to be intellectual”, says Elissa, which means I’m oh so close to writing something snarky in response. She lists all the things she wants to do after the season is over, but Helen is quick to get her back in line for their business. Elissa just wants to have a “real” conversation. Sure she does.

Andy makes a mistake in wandering outside, and he’s invited to join them. They start off with the calorie counts of their slop meals, and Helen repeats how she’s “melting away” at least five times. They move on to when they have to do diary room sessions, and how Helen and Elissa are always the first up in the morning. It’s actually remarkable that Helen can chat nonstop like this. She has been at it now for eight hours, and has barely taken a breath. Sure, 90% of it is pure gibberish or repeated testimony, but she says more words in an hour than I say in a week.

As if on cue, Elissa heads inside so that Helen can segue into the same speech she already gave Helen and McCrae. Andy raises the shades, and gets back on the hammock with Helen. They have some meaningless chatter about clothes and past houseguests. Andy also asks if Elissa’s husband is the father of her Precious Little Treasure. He’s not, but Helen says she is.

They also talk about how much they loved being HOH, and how everybody should experience it. This moves into a discussion about Elissa, and how she wants her to be HOH because she’s been feeling so depressed about the potential of Helen leaving. They’re also both worried about how they’ve been portrayed so far...which leads to the cameras moving to other people.

They’re not gone long, though, and they’re continuing to really talk about nothing. Andy does ask her what season she liked the best, and Helen has to quickly come up with an answer (she’s not the superfan she has let others believe). She instead throws out names such as Jeff, Janelle, Britney, etc. They have a bit of a fight over Mike Boogie. She likes him; Andy didn’t. “I love hte fact that Mike Boogie knows who I am.” Ugh. She’s also super-paranoid to be thought of as boring. It’s a topic that has come up a few times today.

They finally break up the chat so that Helen can take a shower. Helen’s plan is to also go up to HOH. “I haven’t been up there for like fifty hours.” Instead of immediately heading upstairs, she hangs out in the kitchen with Elissa for a bit, still going on and on about wasting away on slop. “If I make it, all I’m going to do is eat on Thursday night.”

When their slop is finished, she heads upstairs. Aaryn, though, heads downstairs, so she’s now talking to Spencer, Andy, McCrae, and Amanda. In case you’re not aware, it sucks to be on slop, while also cleaning her toes. Nice, right? She wishes she was a real smoker, as you can live for five days on just coffee and cigarettes. Yeah, that’s a nice diet.

Amanda then leaves the room, and talk moves on to Tina Fey. Helen says that she wants to sign up for classes at Second City. Andy suggest instead that she sign up at IO Chicago Theater. They all laugh at all the typos in the various handbooks and rule books they have in the house. Andy then decides to hide “Clowney”, and ultimately puts him in the HOH fridge. The conversation was so boring and forced they moved to putting all four cams on Aaryn and Elissa being in the kitchen at the same time (which wasn’t much more exciting).

When the cams go back, they’re talking about Heavy Metal Teddy (aka season 13’s Adam), who Helen (remember, she’s not the Big Brother expert) doesn’t know. Others are saying that Spencer looks like him, which he’s not happy to hear. As they’re talking about Saved By the Bell (scintillating, right?) Aaryn and GinaMarie return to the room. They’re cooking chicken and mashed potatoes, so Spencer calls them “wife material”.

Back to meaningless chatter. A discussion of movies turns into Helen learning about Stephen Baldwin’s appearance on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK. They explain how it works, but she doesn’t think it sounds as good as the U.S. version. Actually, I think she’d love being on the UK version. Imagine how excited she would be for the daily tasks!

There’s a bit more movie talk before Helen wanders back downstairs to chomp on some snacks as Arryn and GinaMarie work on dinner. Hey, she’s actually gone a couple of minutes without chatting! The boys come downstairs for the meal, as the other two cameras show Elissa doing yoga in the backyard. Helen pipes in that before she came in the house she never had enough faith in herself to follow a recipe. Now she can make anything.

She eventually heads back outside where Elissa is doing yoga. She folds towels (in an odd way), as they both talk about their favorite subjects. Elissa bitches about Aaryn; Helen complains about Spencer and the fact her prodigal child Andy went to the “other side”. They wonder what Candice would do if her vote was between Aaryn and Amanda. “She’d probably cry”, says Elissa. Helen also is still upset that Judd didn’t hug them on her way out. “What am I? Chopped liver?” Well, you did orchestrate that exit.

This chat goes around and around and around. Helen says she has 36 hours to come up with something to save herself, but nothing is really sticking so far. They move on to talking about how they’ll vote in jury. Helen says it has to be about game play, and after a bit more bitching about Aaryn, Elissa agrees to do the same. It’s just not fair, though, especially if Aaryn makes it. She’s just been nicer in recent weeks because of jury votes. She won’t.

A half hour or so later, everybody has sort of scattered around. Elissa is strangely talking to Spencer in the living room, while Helen is sitting by the hot tub boring first Aaryn and then GinaMarie with long stories. The magic seems to work a bit more on GinaMarie, which is no shocker. Helen knows exactly how to play her, and she completely it “had” the moment that Helen starts in with a compliment. “America is going to be blown over”, Helen says about her. “I cannot wait to watch you.” Yeah, right.

I’m not going to lie. I began skipping around when GinaMarie started in on Nick. She is, after all, going to marry him next year. “You bring out kind of a light side in him”, says Helen, who also wants to know who is telling her that he didn’t like her. “I think Judd said that to me”, GinaMarie replies. “Even if he doesn’t like you”, Helen says in response, “then he’s highly flattered.” Um, no, and I really need to find another cam as GinaMarie talks about what she expects from their “first time”.

Elissa joins them, and we again hear about how much it sucks to be on slop. Helen moves on to tell her that she apologized to both Amanda and McCrae, and that she loves them both and will vote based only on gameplay. Elissa then asks how she’s going to vote, and GinaMarie says that she wants Helen to stay, but has to do what the HOH wants. Elissa says it’s “pathetic” that all of the girls just go after each other. Pot, meet kettle. In Elissa’s mind, Helen’s role is to be the person that is in between the various girls to keep them on the same page, and it is Amanda that is pulling them all apart.

They begin talking about votes, and Helen laments that she has lost Andy’s vote. Elissa thinks that her and GinaMarie should go and threaten Andy with a nomination if he doesn’t vote to keep Helen. It just goes on and on, and most of the bashing is against Amanda and her influence on Aaryn. “Aaryn needs to see that everybody is protecting Amanda. If I stay, bing bing bing I protect Aaryn.”

When this chat finally ends, the two plot their next move. Now Elissa’s idea is to actually kiss up with Aaryn, but “everybody” is now upstairs with her. They go back outside and climb back into the hammock. It’s again about how dangerous Spencer is, and how it’s a shame that he’s going to last longer than her. Helen tells Elissa that if she gets an opportunity, she has to take out Amanda before Spencer. “For sure!” They go through a few more scenarios, along with thoughts on America’s Favorite Player. The main plan is to put up Aaryn and Amanda, with Andy as a replacement nominee. Oh man, I’m really starting to drag on this project. Please go to bed, Helen.

Amanda comes out to kiss their ass for a few minutes, and is in the kitchen when they head back in, and there’s some pleasant chitchat with her for a few minutes. Once Amanda heads upstairs, it’s time to complain about slop once again. They also look around at the various pieces of art on the walls, looking for things that could be asked in a competition.  

Eventually, they join the rest of the house in the HOH. It’s the usual gossip surrounding former player, and whether Nick was gay. Yes, that means a lot of screaming from GinaMarie. The room goes quiet, though, when Elissa complains that this season has no hot guys. There’s also a discussion on Big Brother Canada, and how Gary lost on a mistaken vote.

Around an hour or so is spent up there talking about next to nothing before Helen heads back down to floss and brush. Her day is finally completed as she goes into the Have-Not room and turns off the lights.

That's also it for my day, and it has been a long one. Helen is a nice woman, and I don't really have anything against her. She's exhausting, though! Especially when coupled with Elissa! I hope you enjoyed this manifesto. Please let me know what you think of it!

 

Sunday
Aug182013

Big Brother Season 15, Episode 23 Recap

It’s a pretty straightforward episode tonight. A little blonde hated by America is again in the HOH, and her nominations are pretty much sewn up by a pre-live show tantrum. Also, an embarrassing video package of another pair’s exchange of rings. Or so we’re led to believe.

We start off with a look back at Jessie’s eviction. Amanda is happy, and brags about “having a hand in every single eviction”, and hopes to have the same influence “on every single person who will be” sent packing. Jessie is seen hugging Helen, who hopes that the rest of the house believes her word over Jessie’s. Spencer says what he says on every Sunday’s show - he’s happy to be saved again but doesn’t want to be nominated ever again. He does think he’s in a good position. Jessie finally hugs Andy, who says he loves her, and she’s out the door.

Spencer thanks them all as they watch her picture go black, and then Andy walks away crying. He says it wasn’t a “personal vendetta”, but it was good for his game. She was a good friend, though, so he’s sad she’s gone.

We move on to Aaryn’s victory over Amanda in the HOH contest. Aaryn says in the diary room that it’s great to win, but it’s also “really scary because every time a big move needs to be made in this game, I’m the person people go to”. GinaMarie makes her nightly cameo, saying that even though they have their fights, they’re like sisters. I have no idea what that means, but they do have an hour to fill.

Amanda, though, is upset. “I can’t win anything!” She starts bitching to McCrae, who says that since it was musical he thought she’d win. Amanda just can’t handle pressure, though, and McCrae makes the mistake of saying he’ll never throw another competition. Amanda responds that “just the fact you’re saying that means you don’t trust her”. He doesn’t trust anybody, he replies. She then jumps up, and starts crying. “You don’t need to rub it in. I know. I know I suck.” McCrae says that he needs to start trusting the “next best person out there”.

The funny music comes up as Amanda hides behind a garbage can in the storage room to cry. Meanwhile, Spencer and GinaMarie talk about how she’s a sore loser. “I hope he fucking loses this whole...she’s just going to fucking ruin his life”.

Elissa and Helen are now lounging in the cockpit room. Helen whispers to her that she shouldn’t worry, as “you have the votes to stay”. In the diary room, Elissa mumbles out the most obvious statement of the show - “Aaryn winning HOH is not good for my game”. Really, Sherlock? Elissa tells Helen that she’s worried that Aaryn will put both of them up. “She won’t”, replies Helen, which makes this writer giggle. Elissa then says it could be her versus Amanda, as we get another shot of Amanda behind the garbage can. Helen tells Elissa to go talk to Aaryn, but she doesn’t want to do that.

Instead, Helen does it for her. As she walks across the set, we get to listen to an overly-extended diatribe on how Helen is going to work her magic on Aaryn. Out of the blue, Helen grabs Aaryn by the arm and tells her that she won on her own, and shouldn’t feel bad for her own success. Aaryn gives her a “bitch, please”, while Helen continues on her cheerleading act. “I am so amazed by you.” Seriously, this is idiotic, although Aaryn says in the diary room that she enjoyed the “turn your frown upside down, girlfriend” chat.

Poor McCrae is still trying to make Amanda feel better, and she claims that after a bit of alone time she’s ready to “target my next victim”. She tells McCrae that it was better that neither of them won, as they’re becoming a huge target. “She needs to put up Elissa and Helen”, with Helen going home.

McCrae heads into the cockpit room to talk to Aaryn, who says she’s putting up Elissa and Spencer. She says that’s the best move for her, but McCrae warns her that Amanda is going to say Helen instead of Spencer...at the exact moment that Amanda walks in. She explains that if Helen isn’t put up, if she wins veto then neither her nor Elissa will go home. Aaryn is worried that they’re going to know the three of them are working together, so McCrae walks out.

After he’s gone, Amanda tells her to make Helen believe Elissa is actually her target. Andy then walks in, and Aaryn says in the diary room that she’s not exactly excited about the “blood” that comes with putting up Helen. Andy, though, is all for the Helen/Elissa noms.

We sit through some commercials before some filler. It’s all about how hard it is for 3 AM to get together without anybody noticing. So they all have roles - Amanda is the Mastermind, Andy is the Agent who makes deals, Aaryn is the beast because “I get things done”, and McCrae is somehow the Enforcer. “It’s ironic”, he says, but Aaryn says it’s because everybody trusts him.

Speaking of filler, it’s time for the HOH reveal. Ugh, this sucks. I”m as excited as Elissa.

With that idiocy over, Helen is again telling Elissa that she needs to talk to Aaryn. Elissa doesn’t want to talk to anybody she doesn’t care for. “I’m really not sure that talking with Aaryn is worth my time.” Helen is pissed. Elissa goes on about how she misses her kid, and Elissa reminds her that it’s the same situation with her. Elissa also says that if she’s evicted, she’s not going to jury. She’s going home, instead. Now Helen is really pissed. “So if I make it to the end, you’re not there to vote for me?” Elissa’s response is to stare. That’s it.

Funny how they’re not showing how Elissa snubbed Aaryn and GinaMarie right before the last eviction show. That’s really what this is all about.

Helen finally walks away from Elissa, and turns on her tear ducts before walking into the HOH room to fight their battle. She’s still pissed at Elissa, because she has done so much for her. Finally, Helen walks in, and Andy asks her how Elissa is doing. Then it all starts. Sorry, but despite what Helen says in the diary room, these tears are fake. Helen goes on about Elissa’s plan to not go to jury, and how that means she’ll lose her vote. Sorry, Helen, but that is the wrong thing to say, although they all pretend to feel concerned. Plus, it gives them all an open opportunity to bitch about her...especially GinaMarie. “Helen, don’t cry”, says Amanda with a smile in the diary room. “Elissa’s not the target. You are.”

It’s now time for the Have-Not competition. There’s a black box, and the teams with the fastest time wins. That’s the only description you’re getting from me, because I don’t really care. The end result is that the girls (minus Aaryn) are Have-Nots.

Back to the real game. Oh wait, it’s more filler, as Helen talks to GinaMarie about her background. Complete with uplifting music, until GinaMarie says something stupid. Ugh.

Ok, we’re now back, and Elissa is now apologizing and sucking up to Aaryn. It just doesn’t work for her, though. Maybe she was right in telling Helen that it was a waste of time. Elissa can’t grovel. She can’t give praise. She can only do what is good for herself, although saving herself would be good for her. Which is why this apology turns into Elissa complaining about her stupid yoga mat. Oh well.

This is followed by Helen asking Andy to leave the room so she can talk to Aaryn. She says she knows that Elissa is going up, and Aaryn says that she doesn’t care if Elissa or Spencer goes home. This isn’t good news for Helen, who claims that she would not use the veto if those two were on the block. Aaryn again tells us in the diary room that Helen is her favorite person in the world, but “nobody comes between her and 3 A.M.” Ewwwww, CBS, why did you feed her that awful line?

So here we are with the nominations. Will it be Elissa and Spencer? Or Elissa and Helen? Or none of the above? As we watch Aaryn put in the keys, we’re led to believe it could by any combo of the three people.

They’re all called in, and the first key pulled belongs to GinaMarie, followed by Spencer, Amanda, McCrae and Andy. Yes, Elissa and Helen are nominated. Aaryn says she nominated them both because they’re a “power duo” that will come after her “power duo”.

Spencer, of course, is beaming because for the first time in weeks he’s not nominated. Elissa seems to be reading a script as she complains that she hates being on the block, and doesn’t want to lose her partner, Helen. Surprisingly, Helen is upbeat, saying that she “trusts” Aaryn, but she “doesn’t take anything for granted. Even close friendships.” Amanda ends the segment by happily bragging that everything is going her way, and she just loves a “good old fashioned blindside”. Well, you’ll have to keep your big mouth shut for that to happen.

That’s all, folks. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Are you happy with the nominations? Or the sight of Amanda behind a garbage can? At least we didn't have her embarrassing "wedding", as we were told we'd see. Tell us. Tell us now!