Wow, it's really quiet around here. Where is everybody? Where are the pages and pages of snarky commentary, bikini shots, and the other commentary we have always been known to offer on this silly little site?
I know, I know, I know - it is just as much my fault as anybody's, but home projects that were projected to be completed by the start of the season were pushed back...and then pushed back again. I just sort of assumed some of our many other correspondents would pick up the slack, but I guess real world issues are also affecting their lives.
So I'm here to fill the void a bit with this list of initial impressions. There's no real rhyme or reason for this analysis, as today isn't a real noteworthy day in the Big Brother timeline. I've just been thinking about these folks today, and thought I'd throw out some observations.
Jodi Rollins. What is there to say about a person who first showed up on our television around 20 minutes into the broadcast and was out of the house before the conclusion of the show? Not much, really. She seemed to be a nice person, and reportedly was a so-called "superfan", but judging by her twitter timeline the last few days I don't really think she would have fit in with this crowd. I wish her all the best, but she really didn't have much to contribute.
Kara Monaco. I have a feeling that when the producers decided to book a former Playmate of the Year, they were expecting a brash young lady who preferred to wear as little clothing as possible. They were clearly wrong in that assessment, as she was not only soft-spoken but remained completely covered up her entire time in the house. I mean completely covered up, too. A burka would show more skin than what we normally saw from Kara. She was also completely out of her element in the house, and it is doubtful she has ever seen the show. If she had not been nominated that first week, she probably would have skated for awhile, but her ouster was probably for the best.
Willie Hantz. His story has been widely discussed on this site (most notably by Barefoot Drunk's post a few days ago), but nobody in Big Brother history has crashed and burned like the little brother of some renowned Survivor character. He was handed the HOH after the first competition, and ruled it like he was a King. He made deals with every single person in the house, and was shocked to discover that people actually compare notes. Once things didn't go his way, he flipped out and was given the boot by production. While there are conflicting stories as to what really happened, and the CBS edit did NOTHING to clear them up, the Hantz story is a test case for the higher ups who make contestants watch past seasons while in sequester. You just can't attempt to play a full season in one week.
Danielle Murphree. In a season of loons, this woman is easily the looniest. She's supposedly a nurse, but is masquerading as a kindergarten teacher so the house doesn't believe she's smart. Yes, this is her grand plan. She has evil eyes that always seem to be on the verge to disintegrate whatever they're focused on, and constantly talks about her devil Father. The only positive quality I can come up with for her is that she has an ability to turn ANY conversation into being about her. Yeah, she's quite the basket case.
JoJo Spatafora. At first glance, this is the perfect houseguest for me. By the second glance, I'm racing to change to another camera shot. She's from Long Island, and loves to perpetuate the stereotypes of that area. Her voice is a mixture of Fran Drescher and the Jersey Shore morons, and the only thing she seems to talk about is her sexual needs. She also has absolutely no loyalty to anybody. One day she's trying to grab Willie's dick under the covers of the HOH room, and the next she's tearing him apart as the worst person in the world. Granted, the Willie situation put her in a bad spot, and she was attempting to do some damage control, but allies are always collateral damage for the other side to attack.
The Rest of the Noobs:
Ashley Iocco. I have such mixed feelings about this bondage actress/mobile spray tan owner. Her pre-show videos annoyed me to no end, but I warmed up to her in the first few days. The "date" with Ian indicated that she was a good sport, but last night's "panic attack" and paranoia over a non-existent deal between Ian and Frank was ridiculous. She could easily crash and burn any day now, or she could settle down and be a contender for the finals. I doubt it could happen, but she probably has the best chance of any of the new females.
Frank Eudy. I know people who absolutely abhor the son of WWE's Psycho Sid, and I completely understand. Apparently, he farts a lot and has horrible body odor, but luckily for me the feeds don't feature Smell-O-Vision. Oh yeah, jumping on the "bully" bandwagon during last week's final plea speech did little to stir up any confidence. Yet I kind of like this goofball. While he hasn't been real successful in competitions so far, outside of last Thursday's HOH victory, he's not a dumb guy and is obviously pretty athletic. If next week's HOH doesn't rally the troops to oust him, he could be a contender.
Ian Terry. Oh boy. While some of my colleagues ADORE this brainiac "superfan", I have yet to see the appeal. Yes, his social awkwardness is kind of entertaining at times, and he did manage to cut the tension during the Frank/Willie battle with a perfect-timed line, but I just don't see any reason to keep him around except that he is little threat to the rest of the house. When your main goal of being in the house is to make Wikipedia, then you're not one to take seriously.
Joe Arvin. Pure shit-stirrer. He single-handedly created the Willie situation (with an assist from Janelle), and arguably should have been booted by egging it on. He has absolutely no loyalties to anybody, and has turned his back on every person he has aligned himself with. Plus, the fact that he named his group "Diversity" is reason enough to dislike this goon (especially since it was the most un-diverse group ever created). Even the one aspect that is supposed to help keep him around, his cooking, has created tension because he wastes too much of the food. It's only a matter of time before we're thankfully free of his over-the-top diary room expressions.
Shane Meaney. Words really cannot express what a dim bulb this guy is. Seriously, his IQ must be well under 100. The female portion of the house supposedly exists only to entertain him, as evidenced by the CBS episode where Kara's desire to plead her case to remain in the house was a come-on in his eyes. Yet he has won both POV's this season, so he is a physical force to be reckoned with, just don't count on him for any expert scheming. Trust me, even adequate scheming may be a stretch.
Wil Heuser. For me, he is the male equivalent of Ashley. I want to like him. I really want to like him, and quite often the "gay Evan Dando" is a fun person. Yet he is also possibly the bitchiest person on this season's cast, and his mood can turn in a heartbeat. I do think he can go quite far this year, though, as he is not only more intelligent than the majority of the house but is quite athletic. I look to him to excel in the endurance competitions.
Britney Haynes. Oh my, how far one of my faves has fallen. I loved Britney during her season. I adored her! She looks wonderful in a bikini, and was the queen of the snark, a combo that ALWAYS works with me! As one friend pointed out, though, she had a pretty easy road during her season. She was a part of the big crowd that was dominating the season, so she could just sit back and throw out one-liners.
This year, though, I can barely deal with her. While she initially appeared to have picked the dream team of the season (Willie, Shane, JoJo), her big mouth has done her no favors so far this year. Admitting to Willie that she believed the coaches were entering the game sparked last week's huge fights, and the constant lecturing and hectoring pretty much drove Willie to the confrontation that ousted him. She has done little else other than whine and cry the entire time the feeds have been live.
Dan Gheesling. I must admit that I don't quite get the love and adoration I see on my timeline every time he shows up on the feeds. Seriously, it's insane. Any conversation sets these fine people up for lines about how he's showing up the person he's chatting, or that he's gathering the needed information that will save the day for his team.
Guess what? Whatever tidbits he's gleaned from these people have done nothing to help himself or his team. The first two evictees were from his team, and Daniele doesn't inspire a lot of confidence for his future. What was he doing choosing her, Kara, and Jodi? Ok, he had no choice but to take Jodi for his last pick, but still!
I do like Dan, though. He was entertaining during his season, and made the moves needed to win in a year that didn't feature much competition. This belief that he's a Big Brother superstar is ridiculous, though!
Janelle Pierzina. I have such mixed feelings for Janelle. Yes, she's a great competitor during physical contests, and has a knack for getting people to babble about things she shouldn't be hearing. I don't believe her heart is into being a part of a third season of the show, though, and her rivalry with Boogie is nauseating. If the coaches indeed get to enter the game, I don't think she'll be heartbroken if she doesn't make the cut.
Mike "Boogie" Mallin. Talk about mixed feelings. Actually, talk about 90% hatred. I never was a fan of this clown. I have always hated that he dresses like my nine year-old nephew, or that we're supposed to think of him as a legend. I wholeheartedly am disgusted by his lame attempts to recreate the catchphrases and diary room antics from his earlier years with Dr. Will. His lame-brain premature jump off the platform during last week's coach's competition may be my favorite moment of the show so far.
Chip away the clown act, though, and he's actually been the only coach to give adequate advice to his charges. He may be for the most part ignoring Jenn, but that may be the best move for her game. When it comes to Frank and Ian, though, he seems to be working some magic. Most importantly, unlike Britney he doesn't dwell on these decisions. He talks to Frank or Ian, and then goes to take a nap. That's a great way to work!
Ugh, how could I screw up like this. Yes, I missed a person, and it is probably fitting since...well, you'll see.
Jenn Arroyo. The missing HG of this year. Seriously, is the former Kittie bassist ever on the screen? Shunned by a few people early in the season, she's slowly been coming out of her shell the past couple of days, despite being a casualty of the last evening's Ashley psycho-drama. Her biggest trait is that she is a great listener. Anybody who can endure the mundane conversations of these people deserve more than just the added insertion by a stupid blogger. I'm hoping she sticks around for quite some time.