Finally, it’s time for the first broadcast of season ten of Big Brother. After days of commercials, interviews, and leaked information and video, we now get to meet the thirteen tools…I mean house guests.
What will this season’s cast be like? Will we have another version of Natalie, and her insane theories and peculiar morality? How about another Sheila, never excelling yet constantly claiming she’s a tough competitor? Most importantly, will we have a new version of Chelsia to steal my heart and inspire me to start another website? :)
OMG, there’s the Chenbot in her signature stance bragging about how diverse this group is, and that none of them know each other. Thank god for the second point, but I’ve already stated that I think point one is being exaggerated. We’ll see, I guess.
After the credits, once again Julie tells us both of these points. Good to see that some things never change. They all have one thing in common – a “burning desire” to win? Ugh.
Now we get to meet the tools. We’ve already seen that April has boobs, and it’s proven again when she discovers the key to get her into the BB house. Jerry tells us he’s not “your typical Grandpa” as he does pushups with his grandson on his back. He informs us again that he’s the oldest person ever on the show. I have a feeling we’re going to hear that multiple times per show until he’s given the boot.
We move on to April (again), and I must say I’m changing my tune on her. She looks pretty hot in a business suit. Well, until she says “I know how to handle men”. Sure you do, sweetie.
Ugh, could just one of these people babble something besides a cliché. Dan is shown in his classroom, and brags that the others are “going to get schooled”. Libra says she’s a “mother like no other”. Steven is going to “hang on to the end”. Renny screams a lot, and brags that “you can’t start the party without me”. I can’t go on with this. Let’s just say that nobody says anything remotely interesting…and Memphis and Keesha are the worst of the bunch. Oh, and maybe I’m not so crazy about April as she admits she’s picky while perfectly sorting her dishes.
Julie’s back, and we see everybody standing outside the house. Julie is (as usual) as full of clichés as this group of people. Before entering the house, though, they must choose the first HOH. They all quickly make their votes, but we don’t yet get to see who they have selected.
Instead, we get the usual screaming in amazement about the house. This is the one aspect stolen from the Real World I can live without. Dan says he’s not a “pink guy”, and he’s not a “peace and love” guy so the hippie room is out. Just pick a bed, already.
April decides to room with Renny because she’s the “motherly type”. When Renny sees the VW memorabilia, it stirs memories of when she used to get “stopped by the cops”. Um, ok.
The second group gets to file in, with similar reactions. Oh Renny. “Memphis, like Tennessee?” No, more like jackass. Brian is also full of the obvious, noting how everybody is nice to each other because they don’t know each other. You think?
The third and final group wander in, and Jerry immediately turns on the charm. “All you pretty faces – they put this old man in here with you guys.” Renny is having more flashbacks to her childhood, wandering around with hippie sunglasses and flashing peace signs. April says she’s having second thoughts – “oh my god, she’s nuts”. Angie says that Renny has been making lots of rude comments, but doesn’t even realize that she’s being rude.
With everybody settled in, it’s time for some drinking. Well, knowing how things have gone in recent seasons, I’m sure that one bottle of champagne they’ve opened must last all night for all 13 people. Ok, twelve people, as Ollie doesn’t drink.
They begin introducing each other, and again Jerry turns on the charm, talking about his children and grandchildren. Who can not like this old man? Keesha says she voted for him for HOH.
Speaking of Keesah, the only thing she can say about herself is that she works at Hooters. Really, that’s your entire bio? Libra tells us about how one of her twins is white, and the other is black. Say what? Michelle is Portugeese, which means she’s “crazy”. What does that even mean? Steven babbles on, but doesn’t say he’s a bull rider or gay. Renny attempts to set a record for the number of times she says New Orleans in one bio. Jessie is already annoyed.
Dan admits in the diary room that he’s going to “have” to do things that go against his faith, but he’ll take care of that in confession after the show is over. Could he be a male Natalie? Dan’s a “natural body builder, believe it or not”. Fishing for compliments, you silly boy? Brian babbles on about his career, which leads April to tell him to “speak English”. It turns out he works with cell phones. Dan is impressed, though, as he “sees a lot of himself” in him.
Oh boy, it’s time for Memphis and his profession as a “mixologist”. He’s not a bartender, he’s a creator of cocktails. Ugh, get a clue. Ollie is impressed by April, as the “Lord has really blessed her, and I’m not talking about her sneezing”. She claims that her boobs are real, and when the house doesn’t believe her she allows anybody to feel them. (Scroll down to see this clip.) Jerry’s reaction is priceless, although it’s also censored. “They are real. They are very, very real.” Renny, though, is disgusted because he’s a father and grandfather. “I thought it was inappropriate.” Get over yourself.
After commercials, Julie is back. Before she informs the cast about the first HOH, they have a competition. First, they have to pick a person to sit out, and Jessie volunteers because his “physique is a threat”. Memphis doesn’t agree with that strategy.
In the backyard, is a few classic old cars, which is also the prize. Jessie is now not happy for sitting out. Memphis claims it’s “one of the most boneheaded things in Big Brother history”. No, it’s not.
There are two old Volkswagon bugs hanging upside down, and to win the team must get into the cars, and pull it down to one end to put gas into it, and then deposit the team one by one. Got it? No, I don’t either. Oh, and Julie informs them that they’re also playing for food, with the losers on slop for a week.
Some don’t care about winning the car, while others say they need it. Ollie wants to win it to give to his brother, while Steven “needs” it because his truck blew up the day he found out he had made the show.
Renny drops out of the car first, which Michelle says is a good thing because she was doing nothing to help propel it. Libra is next out, and her team falls far behind. Michelle is next out, and next is Keesha. At this point, the red team is a full lap ahead.
Jerry literally falls out, and thankfully doesn’t bust a hip. The red team has made it almost to the end, and Steven and Memphis start to play rock/paper/scissors to see who’ll take th car. This takes too long, though, and Steven just jumps out. Red team wins, and Memphis picks the Camaro as his prize.
Now we get to find out who is the first HOH (although we’ve already been told). Renny somehow made second place, and as we were told before it is indeed Jerry. Julie tries to bring down the celebration by reminding Jerry he has to put up two people for elimination. Come on, Julie, the biggest fan in history already knows this!
Dan says he’s the guy who has to let Jerry know who he should nominate, and immediately latches on to Brian as “the one guy I can trust”. They agree that Ollie is probably the guy to bring in, and we move on to Dan doing just that. Yeah, it’s always a smart move to start alliances on the first or second day (whichever it is) in the house. Dan says he saw the “blacks in his eyes” (say what?) and “knew he was good for his word”.
Jerry comes out with the key to the HOH room…and you know this routine. We see the pictures, and Jerry says he’s playing for his family.
Everybody finally heads to bed, and Renny comes in and turns on the light. She can’t open the door, and starts screeching. “I swear to you it’s locked”. Jessie’s not happy. “There’s no off switch with her.” After what he claims is 20 minutes of her “jackal laugh”, he heads back out to the kitchen. He confronts her, and she just responds with “lighten up”. Renny says she’d “be embarrassed if he was her son”. I can’t wait to see what she’s like drunk.
The next morning, Renny wanders by and all of the boys start laughing. Even Memphis thinks she’s crazy. Brian tells Dan that he’s not going to wait to start playing his game, and heads up to butter up Jerry. I have to admit that Brian plays it smart by immediately starting in on military chatter…and it appears to work on Jerry. He tells Brian that he wants to bring him in on his plans, and his “elaborate” hand signals. Brian, though, admits in the diary room that he just plans on keeping Jerry around as long as he can help him. Jerry mentions Dan as a possible candidate, but Brian talks him out of it. Brian does bring up Renny, but Jerry doesn’t want to do that because he knows she’ll scream at him for the entire week.
It is nomination time, so we get the staged montage of Jerry looking at the keys and various houseguests commenting on whether they believe they’ll be nominated. Renny hopes that everybody likes her, while Jessie is worried that his “physique doesn’t handicap me. Obviously, it’s a pretty big target.” I think I hate him more than the mixologist. Brian feels safe, but that this is the first step of loyalty.
Jerry hauls in the wheel of keys, and admits that it’s impossible to tell who is worthy of staying at this early point in the game. Michelle’s key is the first to come out, and is followed by Angie, Memphis, Libra, April, Brian, Steven, Keesha, Ollie, and Dan.
Renny and Jessie are on the block. He says that he chose them because of the conflict the previous evening, and “rather than let it fester, I decided to put it back on you people to decide who stays or goes”. Jessie’s mad because he wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for Renny, while she says “he’s going to need all his muscles”. What does that even mean?
So there you have the first episode of the new season. It looks to be an interesting two months!