Big Brother #14, Episode 28 Recap

It may have only been nine weeks ago or so that the Big Brother #14 contestants entered the house, but hasn't it seemed like months? I barely remember people like Jodi, JoJo, and Kara. Hell, I've almost forgotten Wil, let alone Willie.

So here we are on the last Thursday episode of the season, and the last real big move. Grodner and crew have already been tweeting that it is going to be one of the biggest moves ever, but I refrain from such hyperbole. If what we have heard on the feeds is what exactly will go down, then it is pretty bold...but it is really no different than what was attempted last week (or at least once every season).

It's another busy show...the aftermath of Danielle's HOH victory from last night, nominations, veto comp, veto meeting, eviction, and the start of the first part of the final HOH competition. More importantly, we are going to finally see some jury house footage, which I'd rather see than anything I listed in the previous sentence.

After we get through not one but two rundowns of what has happened this week, the show starts with reactions to what happened on last night's show. (BTW, Julie Chen, quit referring to Shane as Danielle's "boyfriend"!) We see Jenn's eviction, and Danielle says she is sad because she loves Jenn. I really don't know what Shane is babbling, but after she leaves they all start doing the "quack quack" garbage. Well, all but Dan. Ian believes that the game is now the couple versus the "Renegades".

We jump to Danielle's victory in the HOH competition, and she goes into her Honey Boo Boo voice. Seriously, knock it off. Ian says this hurts his goal, but it "all comes down to the power of veto comp". Shane is happy, though, and he thinks Ian is the one who could go home.

We move into the kitchen for more back-slapping, and Dan says while he wishes he had won, he does have final three deals with all of them..."and no one knows it". Time passes, and Dan starts to work his magic on Danielle. "The student is now beating the teacher." Yeah, that does the trick. They begin talking about nominations, although at this point it really doesn't matter who is up...which is why Dan suggests putting him and Ian up. Dan's belief is that if Shane isn't put up he will start to feel too comfortable, which will make him vulnerable to being sent out the door. Dan even tells her what to say, which is to complain that Ian "tried to break up a couple". Just like Renegade is Ian's magic word, "couple" is Daneille's.

It is now time for those nominations, although, like I said, they don't matter much for this round. It is all about the veto comp. We go through the motions anyway, and the only key in the box belongs to Shane. Yep, Ian and Dan are nominated. She doesn't do the "couple" line, but complains that both of them "backdoored" her...which they didn't do, by the way. Ian says that he is bummed, but he points out what I just did about the veto. Dan, on the other hand, is confident and he doesn't have to win the veto as he has deals with these three morons who have NEVER compared notes.

After commercials, we finally get the footage I wanted to see - the JURY HOUSE!!! YES!!! We start off with Ashley meditating and blowing bubbles, and I won't even go into the idiocy she says about those bubbles representing people in the house. Oh man, she even has her dreaded "dream board".

The limo pulls up, and Ashley says that she hopes it is Dan as she wants Frank to win the cash. We know that's not the case, though, and lovely Britney steps out instead...and scares her! Ashley says that she loves Britney, and they both laugh about how Dan has got to go. Britney tells the story on how Dan escaped the week, and we immediately jump to them talking about the next evictee.

Britney makes a joke about Frank coming in...and he does! Ashley is both excited and sad. Instead of the footage of them watching videos, though, Frank just comes out and tells them that Ian won HOH. He tells the story we know oh so well about Frank's idiocy.

They move into the living room to talk more about what happened, and Frank and Britney begin fighting over whether Dan is playing a good game. Yep, it is all about making and breaking deals, and Britney is still pissed that Frank broke his deal with her. Britney ends the fight by simply stating, "we all got Dan-misted". Ashley pipes up, saying "it's really fun here".

Another limo now pulls up, and Frank says that he hopes it is Dan coming in. It's obviously not. "Who called for the Chef up in this mansion?" Funny thing, though. Joe compares losing the game to "peeing in your Wheeties". Um, ok. That's an interesting comment from a man who has questionable sanitary practices. They continue to talk about Dan's lies, and Joe makes fun of him using the Bible. Oh God, Frank and Britney argue one more time about loyalty. "Frank is the only one allowed to be dishonest." This goes on for a bit until Frank stupidly pulls out a line about her husband cheating. More wine please...and more jury house!

Back to the Quackers...and the "most important veto competition of the summer". The game is a chemistry puzzle, and they have to match pictures of the house guests with clues. In a twist, some of the clues have multiple correct answers, but only one combination of pictures will complete the puzzle.

After they each stupidly do a quack, the game begins. All four begin over-playing how the game plays, and their strategy, before Ian believes he has the puzzle completed. He starts making "weird monster noises", which makes Dan believe he has a shot. Shane also misfires, and Ian does it again. This all puts Danielle into "panic mode", and when she hits the buzzer she only has two wrong. She makes a couple of adjustments...and wins! Funny thing is that she indicates this means she gets to keep her "two boys". Yeah, we'll see. Ian, meanwhile, is bummed that he may be going home, but Dan is hoping to convince Danielle to save him from the block so he can decide who goes with the two of them. (Foreshadowing alert!)

Before veto ceremony time, though, we have some more footage from the house. Ian is rocking in his chair, bummed that either he or his pal Dan will be going home. Dan, though, makes his way up to Danielle's HOH room to congratulate her. She promises to keep him safe, and he makes his move to take him down. First, he has to endure her backslapping a bit, and then she comes right out and asks what he wants her to do. He does this by acting worried about what Shane will do with the only vote of this round, and that gets Danielle immediately worried. He asks him if he will promise to save Shane, and he does but in the diary room says he is going to get rid of Shane instead.

Now Shane is in the HOH, and she talks about this new plan. She says she will "never ever ever ever ever" let anything happen to him, but he is not pleased with this idea. As he should not be...but he stupidly says to do "whatever you need to do". Ugh, they actually kiss! Gross! Take this off my screen! "Looks like you're putting me up."

Here is the moment we've been waiting for this entire episode - the veto meeting and what should be an explosive eviction. Julie has Ian and Dan make a final plea, and Ian goes first. He babbles about the formation of the Quack Pack and makes a dumb dog suit joke. Dan then gets up and makes his usual football coach analogy, and also promotes his dumb books. He claims that Danielle has taught him so much he is going to write a book about what coaches can learn from their player. Ugh. He's so gross.

Danielle then stands up...and saves Dan. Ian is shocked as Shane sits next to him. Before Dan evicts, though, they get to make another final plea. Shane talks about "expect the unexpected", and he obviously doesn't have a speech ready. Instead of pleading his case, though, he talks to the cameras and thanks CBS, his family, etc. Finally, he congratulates the Quack Pack and the individual players. Julie hustles him to a finish, and then Ian stands up. He says that he is shocked and hopes runs through everybody once again before a final "quack quack".

Dan then has the floor, and casts his vote to evict. He talks about how he entered the game with no blood, but now "I'm up to blood on my elbows". He comments on the jury house, and after saying that you only have one shot to break up, he tells Shane that this is his "one shot". Shane is now evicted from the house.

Danielle's mouth opens wide enough to take John Holmes, and she tells Shane she is so sorry as he hugs her. Dan attempts to whisper something to Shane as he walks out, but Shane doesn't seem to interested. Ian is completely perplexed, and all you hear is "um" from him as Shane disappears.

Before we get to the interview, Danielle is still sitting with her mouth wide open. Ian is pacing, and saying nonsensical words. Dan pulls Danielle into the arcade room, and she outright asks him, "why do you continuously lie to me?" Dan goes a mile a minute on votes and who she couldn't beat, and that he couldn't tell her "because you wouldn't believe me".

Danielle may not actually buy it this time. She asks "how many times have you broken my trust, Dan?" He claims that his goal is to just get her to the end, and he doesn't care if she doesn't believe him. He again goes through the votes, and repeats that as her coach this is what he had to do. She also doesn't buy the line that Ian will take her over Dan.

Danielle is telling Dan how she swore to Shane he wouldn't be going as the camera switches to his name turning to grey, and we finally get to hear Julie's interview with him. Julie notes that Shane raced out of the house, and Shane says that it was because he trusted Dan "one hundred percent. He swore on Chelsea, and he didn't come through with what he said he was going to." Julie asks about what Dan said as he walked out, but Shane said he really didn't pay attention to what he was saying about Jenn having Danielle's vote.

Julie then asks why he would "readily agree" to go up in Dan's place tonight, but Shane disagrees with that description. "I trusted Danielle, and I trusted Dan." Julie counters with why she would trust someone like Dan so heartily, and he babbles his cliche about looking people in the eye and shaking their hand. When asked why this went down as it did, Shane's response is that "Dan is just a dirty player" (and gets applause).

Finally, we get to the Danielle question, and Shane claims that there is a possibility of a future with her. Yeah, right.

Wait, the show doesn't end with the start of the endurance competition? Nope, instead it is more of Dan telling Danielle how he was only getting her to the end of the game. Yeah, this is just a bit tedious, so I'm glad it is going off the air.

That's it, kids. What did you think of the proceedings? How about that jury house? Or Dan's big move? Will it win him the game or cost him votes? Tell us everything you believe about tonight's show!

Big Brother #14, Episode 27 Recap

Welcome to Danielle's world. It's a tough life, filled with imaginary diseases, nonexistent boyfriends, and so many annoying people. You think it's easy to keep an inch of makeup on at all times? You just don't know the pressure this poor girl is under every single day in the Big Brother house. After all, everything that happens is either blamed on her or is a threat to her future.

Dan may be the official "star" of the season, and Ian this show's mascot, but the heart and soul is this delusional twit. Just like this past Sunday's episode, she is on full display tonight. Because I can barely deal with hearing her voice, though, (and also because I know the details of last night's taping) tonight's recap is bound to be a bit shorter than usual.

It may be tough to condense everything, though, as there is a ton of action tonight. There's a veto comp, Shane's prize trip, veto meeting, an eviction, and a HOH comp. That doesn't leave much time for any plotting or even meaningless chatter.

So let's get going with something a bit different than usual. Instead of the typical reactions to Sunday's nominations, we kick off tonight's show with Julie surprising the house by saying tonight is a special eviction. She calls everybody into the living room, and Shane is delayed because he is sans pants. She tells them the news, and instructs them all to get ready for the eviction and HOH competition.

Now we go to the taped footage from earlier this week, starting with the reactions to Ian's nominations of Jenn and Shane. Jenn is shocked that Dan isn't on the block, since just a couple of days before he nominated Ian. "What's this guy gotta do to get on the block? He's pulling out magic tricks on the reg!" Shane knows he's a pawn, and he's got the Quack Packers on his side. Danielle, though, is so "extremely afraid" of what is going to happen this week.

Dan is as cocky as ever, of course. We see him mouth "are you kidding me" into the camera, and then in the diary room screams how he now gets "a second shot at (Shane)".

As he walks out of the bedroom, he attempts to chat with Jenn, who says she is not going to listen to anything he has to say. "Congratulations." She says she knows she will probably go off on him, and "it's just not worth it at this point". He "mists" her into the bedroom anyway, though, and asks why she is mad at him. He tries to claim that this situation is actually good for her, and adds in the diary room that it will make Shane feel more secure. Um, sure. He keeps at her, though, saying that "until the end you have a dangerous player on your side". They hug it out, but Jenn is not buying it.

Jenn is now sitting with Danielle, asking if Shane is upset about being nominated. Once again, instead of talking about what Jenn wants to hear about it is all about how Shane is not treating her like a princess. Jenn sees some hope, though, because she has a better chance at staying if Danielle thinks Shane is playing her. "Don't worry. I'm about to play the player", says Danielle. Surrrre.

We awkwardly jump right to the veto competition. They must swing from one platform to another to start a timer. Then they have 20 seconds at a time to work on a puzzle. If they don't make it back in time, the pieces will drop, and they have ten seconds to start the clock again to start over. Oh, and the winner also gets a special prize.

After we hear everybody talk about how they HAVE to win, the game finally begins. In case you didn't hear the instructions the first time, we get the treat of Dan's loud yelling to repeat them. Oh, and Danielle is not happy with the "flying" part of the game.

Ian has trouble with this game, which CBS edits to help him win the favorite player award next week. Shane, though, is kicking ass, so Daneille begins copying him. Jenn is also close. Ian is out of the game, and starts helping Shane. This does not please Jenn, obviously...but Dan is also not happy about this.

Finally, Shane completes the puzzle...and wins the veto! Jenn is bummed, as is Dan because he may now be put up.

Now for the worst footage...or most humorous...of the night. Shane calls everybody into the living room to announce his special prize. He reads a card that says they're about to meet some of the biggest stars of the summer. He gets to take a date...and the romantic fanfare kicks off as he selects Danielle.

Oh boy. In a puke green dress ans panties, Danielle gets into the limo with Shane. They hold hands for the camera as they hit the highway, and she does not stop babbling. It is, after all, their first "official date". Oh please.

They head into an arena, and it a gymnastic meet sponsored by Kelloggs. Danielle claims to be super excited, as she supposedly used to do gymnastics, and the Olympic girls team then walks into the room. Of course, they're all holding boxes of Kellogg's. This is easily the most awkward conversation ever, especially when they're asked if they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Gross. OMG, this continues on and on as Danielle continues to talk about whether they're a relationship or not on the drive home...and they kiss for the cameras. So much for Jenn's dream of a rift between these two bozos. Her time is clearly coming to an end.

Finally, they are back home...conveniently with boxes of Kellogg's. It really is the never-ending segment.

Back to game stuff. Danielle is wandering around, and Dan comes in to hug her and say that he misses her. He really doesn't, but wants to get some info out of her about what they talked about on their trip.

It is now veto meeting time...and yes, the pink shirt boy takes himself down. Ian then gets up...and definitely does not go against his fellow Renegade! Yes, poor Danielle is now on the block! Oh, she is not happy about this! But Dan is, and he promises to do anything or "stab anyone" to ensure his victory.

So it is now that time to send Jenn packing, but we have to go through the charade of them pleading their case. Jenn tells everybody she loves them, and she basically admits her time is up. Danielle then gets up and it is basically the same thing...although Danielle AGAIN flashes the audience.

We still must go through with the official proceedings before giving Jenn the boot, though, and both Shane and Dan vote to evict Jenn. She hugs everybody, and tells them to "keep it fun and keep it classy...and don't forget to burn this place down".

Julie starts the question off by asking why Jenn was evicted, and she comes right out and said it was because she lost the veto. Saving Dan is now brought up, and Jenn says that she has "no regrets" and wanted to do something big. Her plan was if she couldn't beat him, then she should join him. Julie then pulls out her big prop of the night, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, since Jenn has been on slop. Jenn digs right in as Julie already wraps up the segment.

Now that we have a Quack Pack final four, it is time to set up the dissolution of their inbred, nonsensical alliance. Yes, it is time for the HOH competition, and earlier in the day they were shown pictures from throughout the season. It's called "photographic memory". Julie will read questions based on these photos, and they must step forward if they believe the question is true, and back if it is false. Yes, we see this every year.

The first photo is about the placement of the veto in the "Loose Change" competition, and all three of them correctly pick false. Question two is about Britney from the jugglar competition, and again all three are correct.

For the third question, Julie asks about Boogie in the "Feel the Burn" comp, and this time Danielle and Shane both correctly pick true. The fourth question is the "Field of Veto" comp picture, and whether all the letters in "dugout" were visible. This time, Danielle is the only one with an incorrect "true" answer, and Shane is now in the lead.

Question five is from the "Phat Stacks" competition, and whether Wil was wearing sunglasses. This time, Dan and Danielle are both correct, and we now have a three way tie. The sixth question concerns the "Memory Chip" competition, and it is about the order of chips. Danielle is the only one correct on this one, and she now ties Dan.

For the final question, we go back to the "Big Brother Candy World", and Jenn's answer. They all choose false, and there is now a tie between Dan and Danielle. There is now a number question to break the tie, which is the number of seconds in the "Time Flies" veto competition. Dan writes 626, while Danielle's guess is 155. The answer is 584, which means Danielle has won because Dan's guess was over the actual answer! That's our little pumpkin faced twit!

So there we have it. Danielle is the new HOH, but we all know it all has to do with the veto winner. We'll see that tomorrow night, along with the first evicted Quack Packer. Who will it be? Who do you want it to be? What other comments do you have about tonight's show? Let us know! Please! I mean it! Preferably if you're in a tiny black bikini soaking in a hot tub!

Big Brother Gossip Show #27: Quack Mist

It's not hard to fill up time when  you have treats like Danielle in the house! Yes, we talk about that silly zit-monster, along with Dan's ability to get anybody in the house to do whatever they want. Plus, the double eviction night, the return of Rachel in a Pandora's Box, and so much more.

Oh yeah, and we also discuss today's POV competition, which resulted in a Shane victory. Danielle is not pleased about this development, and her and Dan hope to convince Shane to NOT use it to save himself. Yeah, you can't make this stuff up. 

As always, there are tons of ways to listen to this show, so here are the instructions. You can stream it via Scott's Android/iPhone app, The Ledge, or via Stitcher (http://www.stitcher.com/listen.php?fid=16875). You can also subscribe via iTunes (http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/big-brother-gossip-mp3/id502746488), and if you do please leave us a review. Finally, there's also a feedburner site -http://feeds.feedburner.com/bigbrothergossip - that links you to a number of different methods to subscribe. 

Finally, for a direct stream or download, please click...

--->HERE<----

Thanks to Mike, Colette, Karen, and Ash for their help in putting together this episode. Now go listen!!!

Big Brother #14, Episode 25 Recap

It's double eviction night! Will it be double the fun? Who will be going home? We know it's the end of the line for Big Dummy Frank, but who will be the second evictee?

Unfortunately, the odds are that it will be either Jenn or Joe, as Smelly Pants Dan has the rest of the house snowed over. It is because of that fact that I predicted that Eagle Eye Pee Hands Joe would pull an upset. I doubt very much that this will happen, but he is our only hope this week. He has seen through Dan's shenanigans, although he has kept quiet over the past week. There's also the reality that while he has a big, big mouth, he seems to lack the balls to actually follow through with a big move. I could see him giving us hope for a few seconds, and then weaseling out to get Jenn out. Please, please, please, Joe. Win this and make us proud...at least for a few minutes.

Since this will be a long recap, let's just go right to the reactions to Dan using the veto to save Jenn instead of Big Dummy Frank. Please, do we have to start off with Joe yelling at the camera one more time? At least Joe knows that he is supposed to be a pawn this week. Jenn then compares being taken off the bloc to "getting that dream apartment in New York City". Really? She is concerned that her big ally, Frank, is still on the block.

Speaking of the Big Dummy, he still thinks that he has Dan and Danielle's votes to stay in the house (along with Jenn, of course). Dan then gloats about how it has been a great week for him - he added a new ally (Jenn), and Frank is still clueless that he's the next victim.

Now the segment moves along just like last night's. Big Dummy is making sure that Dan is still with him on the plan to get Joe out. "We're golden now, right?" Dan makes a little bit of a mistake, though, as they talk about next week's competition. "What if Joe pulls out a miracle win?" Uh oh. Dan quickly recovers, though, because Frank is a BIG DUMMY!

The segment doesn't end there, though, as Frank continues to pepper Dan about whether they're going to the end together. "You've got to realize that I've been burned so many times in this game this season. Every time I find someone to trust they put me on the block the next week."

Now it is Joe's turn to sound like a fool, as he heads over to the Ian to make sure that Frank is still the target. "Should I throw out a major campaign to Jen." Ian just says that he's "golden", mainly because he wants Joe to lay low and now screw things up with his big mouth. Joe calls Frank "Houdini", but Ian reminds him that Houdini died young. Joe, though, does a good job in pumping up Ian's ego by talking about how he is putting out the game's toughest competitor.

More Grodner footage is up next, as we get to endure Dan explaining his entire game as he stares at the memory wall. Yes, we get it. Dan's a perfect man who is always one step ahead of the pack. Well, this pack isn't too hard to be a mile ahead.

Dan decides that he needs to know where Joe's head is at right now, and he heads into the bedroom to see who he would put up. He throws out Shane and Danielle, but says in the diary room that he was just tossing out names.

A half hour later, Dan returns to the bedroom, but Joe thinks it was Shane. "Dan chased me in here", he says.

"This is Dan."

"What's up?" Ugh, what a bonehead. Shane then walks in, and Dan tells him the story. Now Dan claims to be considering to keep Big Dummy Frank. Yeah, right.

With that short segment complete, we head to a live shot for Julie to announce that it is once again a double eviction. Danielle's mouth drops open, but that's how she usually looks anyway.

The final pleas start with Big Dummy, who reminds them all that he can't compete in the next HOH. He's also "very vulnerable", so anybody who helps him can get help.

Joe then stands up, and again attempts a comedy act. "I know I'm the biggest single threat...in the kitchen". He thanks everybody for his time in the house, and "you have ot vote with your heart".

Live voting then begins with Dan, who votes to evict Frank, as does Danielle. Jenn, however, votes to evict Joe, but Shane makes it official by voting to evict Frank. He is out by a 3-1 vote!

Julie then reads the results, and he is surprisingly calm. Dan tells him he is a "great competitor", and he quickly hugs Jenn before heading out the door. Hmmm, where's the fireworks???

Julie tells Frank that he looks shellshocked, and he admits this to be the case. Frank is bummed that Dan put his hand on the Bible, and he should have never trusted him. This is an idiotic interview, as it is nothing but not having anybody to trust.

Let's move on to the goodbye messages, which starts with silly Joe complaining about the size of his ego. "Your biggest mistake in the game was not getting rid of Dan." Well, duh. Shane adds little to the chat, and Ian says that he had to make this decision for the good of his game. Dan then yells that he respects him, and that is why he voted him out. What a kissass. Julie asks if there are hard feelings, and Frank says "absolutely". For some reason, Julie continues the interview and Frank continues to whine. Enough!

Time for a quick HOH competition. As expected, it is a question game called "Make Your Case". Julie reads a quote from a nominee's final plea, and they have to identify that person. The person with the most points after seven questions wins.

The first quote is about being underestimated, and only Jenn gets this right (Ashley). The second question is about the term "brass tacks", and Jenn, Dan, and Danielle all guess Boogie. The third round is about bullies, and Jenn this time is the ONLY one wrong.

Question four is about believing they were going to play a dirty game, and Jenn, Dan, and Danielle all guess Jojo. Question five is about who played an honest game, and those three again guess correctly.

Question six is about helping others win the game, and again it is between those three. The final question is about fairness, and nobody gets it correct. It is a three-way tie between Jenn, Dan, and Danielle. The tie-breaker is a guess on the number of minutes that Jodi was in the house. Danielle guesses 230, Dan has 363, and Jenn as 160. The correct answer is 481 minutes, which means that Dan wins! Gross!

After commercials, everybody gathers in the living room. Joe stupidly sits in one of the nomination chairs, and won't move. Dan says he has to make tough decisions, and nominates Joe...and IAN!!! WTF??? Even Joe is shocked!

When we return from yet another break, it is time for the veto comp...and everybody is playing. The comp is called "Swimming With Sharks", and they have to work a shark through a maze. The first to finish it, and return to hit their buzzer wins. Danielle jumps in the lead, but they quickly all even up (except for Shane). In fact, Joe is even in the lead for a second, but stalls at the halfway mark. Ian then sneaks ahead, and looks to be taking it until the maze pulls him back a bit. He's still way ahead of the others, and indeed he does win!

And yet another commercial break before Ian saves himself from the block. Before we get to that, though, Dan is gathering various people for strategy, and first the door slams on Ian...and then he leaves when Dan wants to talk to him. Just get to the ceremony, please!

Finally, Julie calls everybody to the room...but Dan attempts to talk to Jenn one more time. With everybody finally in place, Ian does indeed save himself...and is replaced by Danielle! Wait, What??? Danielle???? OMG, this is the greatest moment ever!!!! The audience may have groaned, but I haven't been this happy in weeks! Get Danielle out! Get Danielle out! (Oh wait, she is my choice as this year's winner.)

CBS is raking in cash this week, as we have to sit through yet more commercials before the voting. After flashing her panties, Danielle stands up and says to please keep her. Joe then says that he has "strong ass loyalty" and he loves them all.

Voting starts with Shane, who obviously votes to evict Joe, as does Jenn and Ian. Joe is out by a 3-0 vote! Once again, my hopes and dreams for this season are dashed. Joe hugs everybody, and walks out with a smile on his face. "It's just a game."

Oh great, he comes out screaming to the audience. Thankfully, I won't have to endure that voice much for the rest of this season. There seems to be some drama in the house though, before we get to the interview. Danielle is clearly not happy with being nominated.

Julie's interview starts with pointing out that he survived on nomination earlier tonight, so what went wrong this time? Joe says that he needed one big victory, but he didn't pull though. "Ian absolutely deserves this." When asked why Danielle wasn't evicted, Joe's reply is "showmance! I can't go there. I'll rub his back but that's all he's getting." Julie points out that Joe never made any big moves in the game, nor won any competitions. Was that his strategy? Let me answer this...no. Even Joe knows this idea is ridiculous. "I tried with every ounce of my body to win one of these things." His only skill set was to win them over with cooking. Julie concludes by asking about his dumb pubic hair on his chin, and he calls it "Chinny Claus". Ugh.

Before the show ends, Julie confirms that next Wednesday will indeed be another eviction; the day before the show is shrunk down to three.

What did you think of tonight's show? Did the right people get evicted? Are you excited for the inevitable drama that Danielle will cause by being nominated? Tell us what you think!

Scott's BB14 Endorsement

Since we're just over two weeks away from the most important reality television vote of the year, it is probably time that I show the world where I stand. Various factions have been courting me for the last few weeks, hoping that I turn my attention to their side. I have leggy brunettes on one side loading up their twitter timeline with sultry poses. On the other, it is all glitter-enhanced breasts and lacey panties. Which side will I choose?

Neither, actually. I've given so much thought to who is the most deserving winner of Big Brother #14. I've looked at flashback footage of everybody left in the game. I have googled their pre-show lives and listened to their post-show aspirations. As I sit here on my couch this Labor Day Monday, though, nursing a whiskey-Coke and chainsmoking American Spirit menthols, a lightbulb just exploded above my head.

Excuse me while I change that bulb.

Ok, I'm back. There is only one real choice for a Big Brother winner that would fully encapsulate this season. This person represents not just the dreams of anybody who signs up to go on the show, but also the reality of what will come in the weeks, months, and years after they are crowned the victor. This person is also what the producers, cameramen, viewers, feedwatchers, bloggers, and podcasters deserve for sitting through this drivel for the last two months.

Clearly, the perfect choice to win this year's version of Big Brother just has to be a delusional, mutton-faced, wanna-be Southern belle by the name of Danielle Murphree. She combines a great sense of grandeur with a complete lack of self-awareness, but, to be honest, everybody left in the house is guilty of these mismatched character traits.

Take Frank. Please, take Frank. One of the great competition machines in recent seasons has zero capability in judging character or reading between the most heavily-spaced lines in history. Or look at Jenn...if you can find her. Her "big move" that "proved" she was a master competitor did nothing but make her look like a fool.

And then we have Ian. Oh, poor poor Ian, the human vibrator. If Ashley really did want to get off while in the house, she should have just laid on the hammock whenever Ian was in a shaky mood.

Everything these morons have done in the last few weeks is set us up for the inevitable Dan victory that Grodner has clearly desired since he was handed a few tens of thousands to return to the show, but Grodner doesn't deserve this satisfaction. No, it has to go to our little snack-chomping mirror-poser.

If you don't agree with me, just think of the possibilities after the season ended. Danielle believes that Big Brother is the kickstarter to fame. Instead of Honey Boo, Teen Mom, or Real Housewives on the covers of supermarket tabloids, our little Danielle truly believes she will be their next cover girl. Time after time, she has related fantasies of being recognized and hounded wherever she goes after the season ends. What a better cap to this season is to see each and every one of her dreams crushed within days, if not hours, of her victory?

Let's be honest here. We may love Big Brother, but it has yet to be the stepping stone to any kind of fame. Their biggest star, Dr. Will, is lucky to make a cameo on a Real Housewives episode or a TLC "documentary". Their second biggest star hosts an internet show that is only a quarter-step above what we do every Saturday night on the Big Brother Gossip Show. After that, you have a serial tweeter, a Playboy TV asslicker, and a few dozen people who could walk onto Julie Chen's set this week and be recognized by NOBODY.

This is Danielle's year, and from here on in I will do nothing but push for her triumphant victory. Are you with me? I can't hear you. ARE YOU WITH ME???