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Entries in willie (12)

Wednesday
Jul182012

Big Brother #14, Episode 3 Recap

I almost forgot there was a Big Brother broadcast tonight, as the day my furniture was to be delivered has finally arrived! Yes, no more sitting on boxes watching on a tiny kitchen TV. I spent the last three hours re-hooking my surround sound stereo system when I noticed that we were only a few minutes away from the telecast. Oops!

It’s no secret what we’re going to see tonight. There will be a veto competition and a veto ceremony. That’s the important stuff, and will be fleshed out with plenty of scenes featuring Willie and Britney plotting and growing more paranoid by the minute. Oh yeah, some awful diary room lines from Joe, and it’s safe to say there will be more Ian silliness.

As always, the show commences with the reactions to the supposedly shocking nominations of Frank and Kara. Guess what? Neither are happy with these developments. “I’m completely blindsided”, says Frank, who had a side deal set up with Willie. Boogie says that while lying is a part of Big Brother, the one thing you don’t want to do is “lie to me”. Oh please.

Dan walks into the bedroom to console Kara, and admits he’s worried that he’ll be down to only one player. Dan promises to do everything he can to save her. “You know who your coach is, right? I’m not going to let that happen.”

Meanwhile, Wil, Britney, Willie, and Janelle are celebrating their big move. Janelle had noticed Boogie’s “Chilltown, population 2” shirt, and claims that it means him and Dan. “Boogie is like such a tool box…he thinks he’s the best player in this game and his ego is enormous.”

Boogie, though, is consoling Frank, saying that in the past the first girl nominated goes into a shell. “Let her cry.” He advises him to become friends with Willie, and not act mad at the nomination. “The biggest thing is to make the house feel comfortable.” Jenn, who was sitting in on the conversation, says that this will be helpful to when she is nominated.

Now Frank is talking to Willie, who admits that he believes Boogie is gunning for him. Frank is not happy with the coach’s influence on the players, as the game is supposedly theirs to win or lose. “I’m not worried about Boogie winning or losing.” Frank adds that he wants the two of them to go deep in the game. “Don’t worry about Boogie.”

The action moves upstairs, where Britney and Janelle are figuring out who should go home. “It’s a tossup.” Britney believes they have the ultimate influence in the house, and Janelle is also gloating. They’re both a bit sickening in their cockiness. “Cheers to a great first week.”

Dan and Boogie are also talking, and Boogie says that he thought Frank was going to be the last key. Dan states the obvious by saying “Team Blonde is actually a reality.” You think? Boogie points out in the diary room that the two men are the two winners in the house, and it would be embarrassing for either of them to leave before Janelle and Britney. “The girls are kind of the also-rans…I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

After a commercial break, its filler time as Ian has a stupid human trick. He is able to kick himself in the head. Yes, that’s his great party trick. Um, yeah. He thinks that doing silly stuff like this will keep him around.

With the shits and grins segment over, it’s time to pick players for the veto competition. Um, Dan, I think most people have seen the show before. We do know how vetos work. Willie pulls out Daniele’s name, which pleases Kara, who pulls out Shane’s name. Frank’s pick is Wil, and Boogie is pissed that “nothing is going my way”. Willie chooses JoJo to be the host.

Before we get to the competition, Kara pulls Shane into the have-not room to talk strategy. Too bad Shane is hoping for something different, as when “you’re alone you never know what can happen”. Oh, you silly tool. She wants to know if he’ll use the veto if he wins, and he is kind of non-committal.  Wait a second here. Did he just tell Kara that he doesn’t see her as a threat??? Nice work, shell boy!

Shane is next approached by Frank, and they both compliment on how awesome they both look. “You’re jacked, dude.” Yet, just like he said to Kara, he doesn’t want to piss off Willie if he does win the veto. Frank is a bit hopeful, though, and says that if he does win and use it that is a big indication of how they can trust each other.

Oh boy, Boogie is now on his way to the HOH room to talk to Britney. He wants to see just how tight her and Janelle are, and it’s a pretty tense chat. “Here it is day 6, and Mike Boogie finally decides to introduce himself”, Britney says in the diary room. Boogie lets her know that he thinks she has full control of Willie, which she denies, and says he’d love to see somebody like Joe replace Frank on the block. “Are Janelle’s people off limits”, he asks Britney, who obviously denies it. He lets her know that if Jenn ends up replacing Frank, he’ll know what the real story is here. Britney claims his “little tactics don’t rattle me. I thought he was supposed to be good at this game.”

As you may expect, Britney runs right to Janelle, who obviously isn’t surprised that Boogie tried to intimidate her. By the way, is Janelle on medication? Her voice is almost in slow motion. Britney is proud of herself that her “smear campaign” against Boogie seems to be working.

Britney leaves the room and is immediately replaced by Boogie, who now wants to go after Dan’s remaining players so there are just the three judges left with three players. Guess what Janelle’s reaction is to this conversation? Yeah, I’m tired of Janelle bitching about her big secret crush.

Oh Lord, now Janelle runs to Dan and narcs off Boogie. Yep, this stupid show is really going to be all about the judges. Here we have 11 new players, and we have yet to meet any of them except for Willie and Frank (to a lesser extent). The others have been extras in this dumb soap opera. I thought they were just advisors!

More filler after the break, as Jojo is frightening me with her Long Island accent. It’s time to just skip it.

But wait, now Jojo is in a tiny bikini as she announces it is time for the veto comp. They all head out to see a backyard of washing machines, laundry, and tons of soap suds. Jojo claims that she’s the perfect host because “where I come from, we know a thing or two about laundry”. What does that even mean?

So to win the veto, the players need to find $1.30. Coins are hidden in the suds, and as they find them they must throw them into the vending machine. The first to get exactly $1.30 wins!

Just like this past Sunday, Daniele gave some running commentary, but I can’t understand anything she says. Wil, Kara, Willie, and Daniele have problems tossing the coins into the slot, making this a competition between Shane and Frank. A pile of dollar coins is found by Frank, but he constantly misses. Finally Willie steals some of his stash, and all three are at $1.25 (I think). They’re all looking for a nickel coin, and Shane narrowly makes it ahead of Willie!

After yet another commercial break, Shane is seen celebrating with Willie, Britney, and Jojo. “My boys killed it”, says Jojo. “We’re definitely by far the strongest team.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it as they all proclaim themselves so unstoppable. Britney spills the beans to Shane about what Boogie earlier told her, and that he can’t use the veto. Shane claims in the diary room that he’s not so sure what he’s going to do.

Shane then heads into the have-not room to talk to Dan and shiny-knees Kara. Again, he states that while he wants to save Kara, he is still worried about pissing off Willie. A similar conversation is held with Frank. Why didn’t they just replay the earlier footage? It’s the same conversation! Oh wait, there is one difference, as Boogie also has a chat with Shane.

It’s the moment of truth, as Shane heads to the wall of keys and repeats the same garbage he has said at least three times earlier tonight. Frank and Kara also do a passable job at reading the standard pre-veto script. The crew is brought in, and Kara’s plea is that she’s “shy”. Hmmm, interesting. Frank just says if he’s pulled off the block “appreesh”. What???

After the requisite dramatic pause, Shane decides…to NOT use the veto. Yeah, what a shocker. He says he doesn’t want any “blood on his hands”, and they both promise to fight to get the votes needed to stay in the house. Oh yeah, and Dan says Boogie is “untrustworthy”.

So that’s it for tonight’s show. What did you think of the focus on the coaches? Would you like to see more of the noobs besides Willie and Frank? Where was Jenn and the others tonight? Who will go home? Let us know your thoughts!

Wednesday
Jul182012

Willie has a blowup with Frank last night. Who ended up in worse shape?

Have you heard about the fight that took place last night yet? Surely you have.

Read Scott's last post to get up to speed if you missed all the 'goings ons' earlier in the day.

The fight between Frank and Willie came about because Willie got word from Britney that Frank was going around saying that Willie was saying, "homosexual slurs" about Wil (see the youtube clip below to listen to exactly what Willie said and how he said it).  Willie decided to confront Frank on it and that was the spark.  Frank said he only said Willie was making fun of Wil but that didn't calm Willie down.  Willie was very frustrated that he felt he has been lobbying all week to keep Frank safe and now he found out Frank was bad mouthing him. Franks main issue in his reply to Willie was that he was mad Willie seemed to be playing with the votes - trying to make them come out a certain way instead of just working for a 7-1 vote (assuming Danielle will vote to evict Frank no matter what).

In the end Willie came out looking much the worse.  He is now determined to try to get Frank out, the problem as I see it is he doesn't have the support.  Willie thinks he has Ashley's support but Ashley seems on board with Joe, Frank, Ian, Wil and Jenn as a part of the new "Diversity" alliance (the members are all on Boogie and Janelle's team but neither Janelle or Boogie had a part in its formation).

I'd say that around 36 hours from the first live eviction, Kara will be heading out on a 5-3 vote.  I'd also imagine the producers want to see Frank stay as well so expect little encouragement to change the current feelings in the house.

Flashback times to see the action:

  • Tuesday 2:13pm Cam 3 - Willie makes fun of Wil to Brit and Frank.
  • Tuesday 2:53pm Cam 1 - Frank tells Joe and Jenn what Willie said.
  • Tuesday 10:15pm Cam 1 - Willie get upset in the HoH room about the "gay slur" rumors.
  • Tuesday 10:24pm Cam 3 - Willie goes off on Frank - lasts over 10 minutes.
Tuesday
Jul172012

Meet King Willie!

In case you haven't noticed, Willie has spent his entire reign as HOH lying on his giant throne greeting his peasants only to make sure they follow his rule. Every conversation ultimately includes promises to not repeat what he commands them to do, so each of them have ran around the house believing they are the King's Chosen One.

The two constants in the King's quarters are his loyal Hand, Britney, and his Head Knight, Janelle. They have spent hours and hours listening to the King's convoluted theories and plans, and have reported any dissent they have seen in the rest of the house.

Unfortunately for the King, there has been revolution talk amongst his subjects, and the last twelve hours he has attempted to keep his reign from falling. 

While this revolt has rippled up now and then over the last two days, particularly whenever Head Chef Joe opens his big mouth, dissension amongst his Royal Guard is what has sent him into crisis mode.

While making her rounds late last night, King's Hand Britney caught Head Knight Janelle actually having a conversation with Britney's biggest enemy, Coach Dan!

How dare Janelle consort with the enemy! Doesn't she know that Section 8, Rule 9 of the Brenchel Rules of Big Brother Court state that it is expressley forbidden to chat with the opposing side of the House??? This is an unspeakable crime against the Holy King!

After stomping around for a few minutes, Britney ultimately ended up kneeling at the King's bed, expressing her contempt for their Head Knight. Unfortunately, she didn't stop there. She also confessed that there is a Higher Power that may lead to them usurping their King sometime in the next few weeks.

Now the King may not be the smartest tool in this giant tool shed, but the wheels in his head quickly spun to the right setting. This is not good news for His Majesty! This completely ruins every plan and scenario that ran through his brain these last ten days. He had EVERYTHING figured out to waltz right to victory lane, and now those who washed his feet will probably take power!

Oh yeah, this could not be left alone. "You have to tell the peasants", he commanded to his Hand. "No, my fair King", she replied. "I just can't." These lines were repeated with  little variation for the next hour until Britney was so dizzy she her lazy eye closed, forcing the other to quickly follow.

Fast forward a few hours, and the King was seen gathering his peasants for an emergency meeting. Surprisingly, he put on a gentle face as he laid on his throne next to his potential Queen, Joho. "Play your own game." To ensure this mantra sunk into his subjects, he repeated it at least a dozen times. Only that traitor cook dared to speak up against His Majesty, but who takes a cook seriously?

Meanwhile, the coaches were having their own meeting. Well, three of them were, as Boogie became the smartest man in the house by taking a nap. Truthfully, their meeting mainly consisted of small talk, as the Hand was clearly too scared to inform the Knight of the info she gave the King.

The big question during the meeting, though, was which subject would crack first, and how quickly. The answer was as predicted - it was Joe, and he almost leaped over the stairway to race to the Knight with the info. Within a few minutes other subjects informed their coaches of what they King had to say, while the King himself decided that he was going to take a break from game talk. Yeah, right. That won't last long.

Monday
Jul162012

The Worst Porno Ever!

Many, many years ago, a good friend of mine claimed that Showtime and other movie channels routinely broadcasted pornography late at night. Obviously, a clean living, moral person like myself would never know about these things. Pornography? Naked people sticking body parts into each other? No, I would never knowingly view something like that. Give me wholesome entertainment while I wolf down some cookies and milk.

Last night, though, I believe I watched some sort of edited porno. I’m talking really edited; almost fit for a child. I thought I had tuned into Big Brother After Dark, but there’s no way this could be possible.

When I turned to that channel, I witnessed a couple of floozies helping some young bimbo with outdated hair squeeze herself into an extremely tight dress that featured a super lowcut top and a bottom that barely covered her bum. There’s no way this trailer trash Farrah Fawcett could fit a pair of panties under this ensemble, and clearly there was no bra as half of that part of her body was in clear view.

It also seemed obvious that I had probably tuned in a bit late, as surely this prep scene occurred right after the three bimbos did whatever it is that girls do in one of THOSE types of movies. I shuddered in disgust at the sins that must have been broadcast into millions of homes across the country. Children could have been tempted to turn away from their faith!

After a long period of primping and adjustments, this would-be Ginger Lynn was greeted by a silly young boy who somehow combined the characteristics of Urkel, Barney Fife, Bud Bundy, and Harry Reems (minus the moustache). Oh, I get it now – this is one of those deflowering porns that I’ve heard about where the young boy has his innocence stolen by an older hussy.

As they moved into another room, I was definitely convinced that this is one of those “special” movies. Given the cheap exterior of the shot, it just HAD to be true! Cheap, tacky furniture in a room whose walls appear to be connected via Elmer’s Glue gave it the look of a small town community playhouse. Certainly one bad move would cause the entire set to fall over. Plus, you could even see their microphones!

Yet, I kept watching, partly out of curiosity and partly because I had this weird stirring in my pants. These two would-be stars didn’t make it easy, though. Sure, the lines they had to deliver were cringe-inducing, particularly when the bimbo asked “is that graphite in your pocket or are you just happy to see me”, but her “skills” in delivering these lines made the Kardashians look like Oscar winners.

It didn’t take long before I was almost begging for them to actually get to the dirty part of the movie, yet it never came (nor did they). The dork kept babbling, and the bimbo kept the double entendres coming, but not an article of clothing was shed.

Then suddenly, out of the blue the movie jumped to different people! What the hell? So they really do edit the sex out of pornos on this channel? Now on my screen was a steroid-pumped midget lying spent in bed, talking to an exhausted, disheveled young blonde with messy hair and wandering eyes. There’s no doubt what had just happened in this scene, which means this movie completely cut out not one but TWO sex scenes in a row!

Like the previous scene, these two porn sluts wasted my time by babbling away before being joined by a gay version of The Lemonheads’ Evan Dando. Wait, not only is this a porno but it’s a gay porn? I better call my Congressman!

I couldn’t bear to witness any more of this debauchery, so I turned off my television, threw up, and then prayed for the next hour. Yet something drove me back to my television, and when I turned it back on the steroid boy had yet another girl sleeping in his bed! Clearly, I had again missed the dirty parts, so I turned it off only to find he was with that bimbo from the first scene a little bit later!!!

I feel so dirty today, but thankfully this terrible movie was edited for television. I can’t even imagine how disgusted I’d feel if they hadn’t cut these scenes. What happened to Big Brother After Dark, though? Was it cancelled? I may have to tune in again tonight to find out if this is a recurring issue. Yeah, that’s the reason I’ll tune in.