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Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Big Brother 19, Episode 1 Recap

Here we go, kids. We’ve sat (somewhat) patiently over the last few weeks as tiny little tidbits of information has been thrown at us. Besides a handful of interviews with the cast, there’s been various stories quoting Julie Chen and Alison Grodner about these bozos and what has happened in the first few days since they entered the house.

But for every quote there has been an equal amount of new questions, and I’m ready to have them answered. Is the returnee rumor true? Has somebody already been evicted? What about this whole “Den of Temptation” silliness? Hopefully we’ll get some answers by the end of tonight, or after tomorrow’s show.

So let’s jump right into this mess with the usual pomp and circumstance propaganda from Ms. Chen. You know the drill. “The most tempting season of Big Brother.” “Expect the unexpected.” “The twistiest twisty twist-twist of all time.” Ooh yeah, and “but first”. Nothing but inanity.

We’re apparently going to see “three tempting offers”, including the largest cash prize ever offered on premiere night. “Will a former fan favorite get back into the game?” Ugh, there’s our disappointing news. The rumors are true.

Oh, and somebody could be evicted TONIGHT, if the temptation is taken. Now that’s exciting.

From there we go to the fake introductions. Don’t believe the bullshit. That’s not how they find out they’re going into the house. Christmas is first. She’s an athlete with a million businesses. Rodeo clown Jason, aka Whistlenut, is next. Keep in mind he’s never seen the show. Alex is next, and she’s a moron. (Go back to last week’s Big Brother Gossip Show for my impression of her.)

The next group starts off with Kevin, the old man of the show. He’s a stay at home dad that’s constantly messing with his rings. He knows everybody, and has way too many kids for any one person. There’s also Dominique, a nuclear engineer who “found” her key in her Bible. She must not read it very often, no matter how much she babbles about her religious inspiration videos. Oh, she’s going to be a nightmare.

The third group starts off with Meathead Mark, a personal trainer from Buffalo. He thinks he looks intimidating, but he’s a big teddy bear. Elena, who pretends to be a “radio personality”, is shown the one time a month or so they may let her behind a microphone. Mom tells her that she needs to “think before she speaks”, but that will never happen. Finally, there’s Ramses, a gay nerd who lives for cosplay. He’s also a superfan.

There’s more video footage of this first group as they pack and say goodbye to their family. We then see them on stage, and Julie talks about the “distractions” inside the house. Four of them are then sent in - Alex, Mark, Ramses, and Elena. They do the usual whooping and hollering as they race through the house, with lots of “OMG” from Ramses. He’s going to be way too excitable all season. They look all around their new home, and Ramses is the first to bring up the word “temptations”. Oh, and Elena is already looking at Mark with penis in her eyes.

The other four - Jason, Dominique, Kevin, and Christmas - then enter the house to similar squealing. Mark immediately falls in love with Christmas as she is beautiful and looks as if “she could throw me on her shoulders and do some squats”. Christmas, though, is here to play hard, and is “waiting to take them out one by one. Good morning, Big Brother, give me the soul I’m going to eat today.” Hmmm, I think I like her.

Kevin talks about his kids, and says he knows he’s going to be the father of the house. Dominique is confused that there’s only 8 people in the house. She apparently thinks the other 8 are the “twist”. Girl please.

Time for the next half of the cast. Wait, we saw a smile from Cody! Oh yes, the girls are clearly going to like this shot of him shirtless with his big gun. Raven is shown teaching dance, and I’m already annoyed by her. She’s a ghost hunter with a company called W.I.G. Oh lord. Josh is from Miami, and he’s completely over the top. “I was born in business, baby.”

Next up is Megan, a nerdy dog walker, but she’s not a “stereotypical” dog walker. There is such a thing? At 20, she joined the military and became a Navy interrogator. Her skills there should work for her on Big Brother. Cameron, a microbiologist, is next, and he’s like a more personable Ian.

Wait a second. I need to take a break here. Jessica is next, and she’s giving her key while laying out, and I’m seeing nothing but breasts right now. Giant things, barely hanging in her bikini. Of course, we also have to see her dishing the tea with her girls. I mean her friends, not the other girls. She claims that nobody will expect her to be a superfan. Well, I still don’t believe it.

Moving on, there’s also construction man Matt. What a bore. He’s “loyal to a fautl”, and hope that doesn’t hurt him on Big Brother. Jililan is up next, and she’s also a huge bore. For fun, her and her family went to Tijuana to get weight loss surgery. Wait, what?

There’s more video footage, and then they’re on stage with Julie. She informs them that the first eight are already inside, and then Matt, Raven, Jillian, and Cameron are sent in to the same squeals from before. Christmas loves Matt’s silver hair, and Kevin tells Cameron to not be nervous. Cameron isn’t happy, especially when he tells Cameron he looks like he could be his nephew. I won’t even mention Raven and her desire (and example) of a conga line.

The final four then enter...and yeah, you get the picture. Jessica tries to say hi to Megan, who ignores her. Funny. Cody certainly likes her, though. Wait, he said Big Brother could never put a girl in hot enough to entice him! Josh also thinks she’s beyond beautiful, and tells her so.

The tour continues, and Ramses freaks out over the cams moving to watch him. He, Alex, and Megan talk about how they’re superfans, and Ramses thinks many of the cast are big fans. Ramses thinks it’s a big deal to confess this to them.

Champagne arrives, and they sit down to introduce each other. Oh wait, Jessica thinks Cody is cute. “Don’t worry, daddy. I’m going to try to be a good girl”, she says in the diary room. Raven says she’s “Arkan-sassy”. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Megan reminds us again in the diary room that she is more than a dog walker. Crickets come up when Ramses talks about cosplay. Kevin thought he said “cockplay”. Dominique doesn’t bring up her main gig. She’s just a motivational speaker. When Elena babbles about her radio gig, Mark looks on longingly at her, too. Weirdly, Dominique thinks Matt is hot!!! As does Elena and Raven. The segment ends with cheers.

After commercials, people are hanging out around the house when Julie calls them to the living room. Ramses is so obnoxious. “OMG, it’s Julie Chennnnnn!” Stop it. Stop it now. Julie tells them “this is going to be the biggest, wildest, most tempting summer in the history of the game.” Yeah, we’ve heard that before. She introduces the “Summer of Temptation” theme, and that “it all starts now”. They’re going to be “tempted by money, safety, and power”. It’s time for the first temptation!

They head outside to the “Garden of Temptation”. They all have to pick a pod to sit, and Julie then tempts them with $25,000. They each have a button in their hand, and the first to push it when it turns green wins. Taking that temptation will have consequences, and they’ll be anonymous, but doing it will unleash the first twist of the year.

After a little bit of diary room babbling, the game begins and a few seconds later somebody has accepted the temptation. It was Kevin. What? Why? This twist has two consequences, though. One personal, and one for the entire house. The person who claims the money is now not eligible to win the first HOH, but the second consequence won’t be revealed until “due time”. Dominique promises in the diary room to come after the person who pushed the button.

This consequence is the worst of the season, though, as it means that we will get a 17th houseguest. And it’s not a newbie. Yep, the rumors are true. Damn you, Kevin!

Everybody is now inside talking about who picked it, and Ramses doesn’t believe when Cameron says he didn’t do it. The doorbell then rings...and yes, it’s Paul from last season. Oh boy. Now I do like Paul, but nobody should ever return to the game. Especially when it takes him about 30 seconds to yell out his trademark “friendship” idiocy. And he’s a “legitimate” player. We’re stuck with him. The only good thing is that Cody doesn’t like him, and wants to backdoor him as soon as possible. Kevin doesn’t know who he is, but Megan says she loved him last year.

Megan, Alex, and Ramses are joined by Jillian, the one person that Megan wanted to join them. Yep, it’s the first alliance of the year. They wonder if they should align with Paul, and Jillian says it’s a bad thing for her game as vets always make it to the end. Ramses thinks he’s going to align with the guys, though. Megan, though, says they should postpone whether they should be an official alliance for now.

Julie again calls them to the living room, and says hi to Paul. She confirms that he is an official player in the house, and Christmas says she doesn’t know why the others are clapping in response. Julie announces that not only is he moving into the house, but he’s replacing one of the current cast members. One of them will be evicted tonight!

This leads to the second temptation of the night - safety. If one is to stay in the game, they must tempt Paul. He’s sent to the storage room to retrieve a box, but he’s not to open it yet. He’s told to open it, and it’s 9 friendship bracelets. One for him, and the other eight to hand to those of his choice. Anybody who receives one is safe from eviction. So they all have to tempt Paul to keep themselves safe. The house goes quiet.

The asskissing begins with Raven, who tells him how much she loved his season. Paul’s not buying her phony sweetness game. Oh wait, it did work a little. Elena gives him a cheese sandwich, and promises a condiment next time with a dad joke. Others are shown babbling with him, and it’s only funny when Cody sits there next to him in silence. Josh claims to be his biggest fan, and says that he kept saying “what are you doing, you idiot?” last summer. Paul thinks he needs to tone it down.

Everybody is again brought to the living room to find out who is receiving the bracelets, and he gives the first bracelet to Kevin. Next up is Raven, followed by Dominique, Mark, Jason, Jessica, Ramses, and Elena. Josh believes he still trusts Paul, however. The rest are to compete in a competition to see who is the one who leaves, and they all complain about Paul in their diary room chats.

The remaining eight are now in swimwear to compete in a competition called “Tempted By the Fruit”. At the end of the competition, three of them will be on the “chopping block”, with one of them evicted. They’re to stand on their trapeze, and the last person standing will win safety. If they drop, they have to pick an apple from one of the serpents. Four of them are “good apples” that give them safety, while three are “poisoned”. Julie will also be reading clues throughout the competition that will help them pick the good apples.

After the usual diary room idiocy, Julie announces that a red snake is more likely to give them safety than a yellow snake. The game then commences, and many are immediately struggling. Jillian drops first, and takes an apple from a red snake. Christmas brags that being a fitness superstar makes this a competition that she should easily win. Megan is struggling, but doesn’t want to be a Jody or Glenn. She almost falls as her rope starts swinging but manages to stay on. Until she doesn’t. She also grabs an apple from a red serpent.

Julie then says that one of the yellow apples is safe. There’s only two, and Josh knows that’s his chance. He then grabs it “by using his brain”. Cam babbles that he doesn’t want people to think he’s a threat, and then he jumps off. But he says he’s forgotten what Julie said about the clues. “So much for me being the smart guy in the house.” Alex says she beats “dudes everyday in video games”, and she’s going to crush it. Julie then says one of the yellow snakes has a safe apple, and now Christmas is now thinking about being a physical threat. She drops, and picks a yellow apple.

It’s now Alex, Matt, and Cody. People shout encouragement to Alex. Julie then announces it’s going to become more difficult. The trapezes start to raise up in the air, and Alex thinks she’s screwed. Of course, there’s a video game reference there, too. Cody says his “pride is on the line right now”, so he has to win. Matt says he’s starting to hurt, and Cody tells him that he feels “solid”. Matt then falls. Cody is barely hanging on, but is planning on using “psychological warfare” on Alex. He says he’ll fight for her, and she replies “no offense I hope you eat shit”. Wait, what? I like that response! Cody still thinks he has it in the bag, though, and Alex finally falls. Cody has won safety for the night!

It’s time to open the apples, though, to find out who will be on the chopping block. Alex opens hers, and she’s safe. Matt joins her, but Christmas has a poisoned apple. Cameron joins Christmas. Josh is safe, as is Megan. Jillian joins Christmas and Cameron on the block.

Julie then says there is yet another temptation that may change everything. This is getting to be a bit much. She tells the three of them that the final temptation is a temptation of power that’s only offered to them. They get to decide how their fate is to be determined. They can pick the house to vote to evict, or have a battle against each other where the loser is sent packing.

They are sent to the diary room to pick their fate, and Jillian goes with the vote as she doesn’t think she could beat Christmas. Cameron wants a competition, as he “doesn’t trust any of these fools”. Christmas is the tie-breaker, and she decides to go with the vote.

Julie announces the results, and tells the nominees they better do some politicking with the rest of the house. Cameron is shocked that Christmas didn’t pick a competition (me, too), and he won’t be the first hamster in this cage to go home. Christmas talks to Mark, although she feels pretty safe. She’s also going to downplay her competition prowess. There’s various conversations of all of them pleading for votes, including Jillina using her weight loss story for sympathy. Cameron does a striptease to Elena and Jessica to try to help himself, and Elena respects that although she doesn’t like his hairy butt.

The show concludes with the moment of truth. Who will get their dream shattered? Voting begins with Jessica, who votes to evict...wait, we’re not told the individual votes??? Oh, this is bullshit. Julie announces that Christmas only got 2 votes to evict. Cameron is evicted by a vote of eight to three. Wow. He grabs his bag and heads to the door, clearly heartbroken. He blames himself for dropping off the swing when he could have remained longer.

This ends tonight’s episode, with tomorrow night’s show dedicated to the HOH competition, along with their nominations. Sunday’s episode includes the introduction of the “Den of Temptation”, where we vote on one HG to enter the den and be offered a temptation. This cna only happen once a season, and the first one is the “pendant of protection” which gives them protection at the next three evictions. But, “every temptation comes with a consequence”.

So what did you guys think of tonight’s episode? I feel it was all a bit convoluted. Twist after twist, just for the sake of twists. Bringing Paul back was unnecessary, and giving him so much power to make people safe was just plain stupid. And that apple competition? Despite Julie’s “clues”, the odds didn’t improve as the game went on.

And then there’s the sad case of Cameron. Generally, I’m not as bothered by first-night evictions as most people. I didn’t give a damn about Jodi or Glenn, and both of them sort of went out via regular competitions. Both would have been dead weight in the house. Cameron, though, basically was eliminated by the luck of the draw. Any of those apples could have been a “safe” one. I believe that he could have actually added something to this season. Yes, he was cast as a “nerd”, but he wasn’t this naive, lonely bookworm like Ian or Steve, who is always brought up in conversations about him. I think he would have used his head to succeed for a little while at least, and there was certainly a bit of a conniving side to him that could have created some good drama. Do you agree?


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  2. I foresee, the high school game replay all over again. Cameron was evicted for being a nerd not because he was a threat.

    My quick prediction based on episode alone

  3. They really have have overdone all the twists. One can only hope that it won't be like that everytime. Very disappointed about Cameron going. Thought with Jillian moaning about her weight lose surgery would have sent her packing. Very disappointed with Christmas taking the easy way out.