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Thursday, June 30, 2016

Big Brother Season 18, Episode 5 Recap

Strap in, kids. This could be a fun night, and an even more hilarious aftermath. We will see the eviction of the most clueless player in Big Brother history. Yes, this guy makes Lawon appear to be a brain surgeon.

The person in question still apparently has no clue that this is going to happen. Think about that for a second. He’s been the target from the moment Nicole became HOH. That’s well over a week. Even the most confident players begin to get a hint that the numbers aren’t working for them sometime before eviction night.

Not this time. He still believes he runs the house. He’s the “Messiah”. He can look at people’s eyes and know whether they’re lying. Point blank. Period. Or is that the other way around?

Yet every analysis of himself and the rest of the house couldn’t be further from the truth. Seriously, he’s clueless. He doesn’t even know how the game is played, which to be honest is a problem of most of this cast. He also thinks that this game is going to turn him into a real “media mogul” that will host the Grammys and appear in numerous movies. Yeah, right.

On the other hand, though, this  person’s eviction is going to create a giant hole for those of us who live by the drama of the house. As a person who helps create a podcast, this kind of person provides a ton of material. We’ll never get these hilarious moments from the likes of Bridgette or Paulie. I wouldn’t want him to win, of course, but I’d like for him to stick around for a few more weeks.

Oh well, it’s time to watch tonight’s episode! Julie’s onstage at the beginning, and Julie announces that for Glenn and tonight’s evictee “both of their games is far from over”. Yep, as expected there will be a returning player or two sometime this season.

Then after the way too long recap, Julie gives us a little intro and then we kick in with Paul taking himself off the block at the POV meeting. Paulie’s not surprised and not worried, Frank is cocky, Jozea is happy that Paul’s down because it’s “fantastic for my game”.

Jozea tells the new nominee, Bridgette, that he’s got her back. “You’ve got my word.” She’s not too convinced. “Yeah, that’s what everybody tells people.” She has been told this by most of the house, but she’s worried. Jozea then runs into Day and says this was a curveball. Now he thinks the Roadkill winner was Paulie. “Checkmate.” That was his original pick, remember. “My intuition is always right.” Um, no it’s not. It’s never right.

The Three Stooges are now outside talking about how they’re sitting pretty. Victor goes through their votes, but Paul says that Jozea should go have a conversation with Nicole to “cover your ass”. You see, because of three nominees there is a possibility of a tie. Jozea doesn’t agree. “It’s going to be a landslide against Paulie.”

He does talk to Nicole on the hammock, and she giggles when he claims he has no issue with her. He says out of the house they’ll be great friends, “one of my girlfriends”, and she agrees to work with him in the future. She laughs about this idiocy in the diary room. “For some reason if there’s a tie this week”, she says in the diary room, “Jozea, I’m sending you packing.”

Up in the HOH, Nicole asks Zakiyah and Day about Bronte, Bridgette, and Natalie. “They’re moody”, says Zakiyah. They then talk about that disastrous spy caper they attempted on last night’s show. Nicole, of course, feels “really betrayed”. Shut up.

Outside, Nicole is hanging out with Day, Michelle, Tiffany, and Zakiyah. She says this is “the best set of girls I’ve ever seen on Big Brother. I’m not kidding.” Of course the other three agree. They’re now the new girl’s alliance. “We’re taking it to the end”, claims Zakiyah.

Back upstairs, this same group of girls (minus Michelle) decide to come up with a stupid name. “Fatal Five” is what they decide, and Michelle is informed. They all love it, for some reason. “This season we don’t fool around”, says Tiffany (I think). “You guys are geniuses”, laughs Nicole.

Ugh, more pranks from James. Seriously, this is beyond old. And this time he should be punished for putting mayonnaise in people’s lotion bottles. Bronte’s the first to figure it out, and screams at him. Please, stop this.

The insipid spy trio is now on the hammock, and Bridgette says she “has no idea what’s going on”. Yes, we know. “Everybody in this house is smart”, says Natalie. Bronte points out that nobody has come to her with deals for her vote. “Shouldn’t Nicole, Corey, Tiffany, Michelle, and Paulie come up to me to ask to vote Jozea or Bridgette out of the house?” They agree that maybe they all have “something up their sleeve”. Bronte also seems to indicate that it may be smarter for them to save Jozea. You think?

Jozea and Paul are now hanging out with Zakiyah and Bridgette, and Jozea believes that his conversation with Nicole will help his cause. “She’s genuinely kind”, replies Paul. Bridgette pipes up and reminds them that she is a former player.

Obviously, Zakiyah heads upstairs to report what’s up, and paranoid Nicole is upset. “Oh my God, what did they say about me?” Zakiyah says that it was Bridgette more than the boys. “She said ‘I don’t trust her. Be careful with her.’” Bridgette is obviously not so innocent, according to Zakiyah. This little segment is to give up hope that boring Bridgette is going. She’s not.

The first set of adverts now come up before we go back to more house footage. James and Natalie are tossing chips at people, and Victor bitches that this is “literally how we get ants”. Valid point from that moron. Natalie says that living with him can be a “challenge” since he nitpicks her about everything. “There’s no observation too small that Victor won’t have a comment on. He just has an opinion on everything.” We see a number of these instances, and Natalie says “I can’t take it anymore.”

She wanders into the bedroom and complains about him to James. “He’s so fucking rude. He needs to control what he says. It’s not nice.” James says that this season is much less friendly than last year, and he thinks it’s about to blow. “Boys smell”, says Natalie. Paul joins the group, which also includes Tiffany and Bronte. He’s sent away because this is “girl talk”. Bronte accompanies him, as Paul is simmering that James gets to stick around. “Last time I checked you’re not a female, dude.”

They end up outside with Jozea and Victor, and Bronte (sensically) tells them that the boys should mellow out and not turn against each other. Paul will have none of that. “Hey Bronte”, he says in the diary room, “I have a mom at home. I don’t need ‘Paul don’t do this.’ ‘Paul don’t do that.’” The boys want to storm into the room and start a fight. Bronte is having nothing of it. “I need you to keep your mouth shut.” Jozea agrees. They all eventually just send Bronte away. “Let me go where I’m more peaceful”, she replies as she walks back in.

So that’s it for the house footage, and after another set of commercials it’s time for the final pleas. Jozea goes first, and he says that “from day one, I’ve been honest, truthful, and bold in this house. Anything you can expect out of me is friendship and honesty.” Um, what?

Paulie is next, and he says it’s been a “pleasure” to meet everybody, and hopes he gets to stay. He then goes into a bad Jersey impression. I mean really bad. Bridgette is last, and in her little-girl voice she says, “hey guys. I really hope you keep me. I think I’ve been super sweet and friendly to everyone.” She’s awful.

It’s voting time. Victor is the first vote, and he votes to evict Paulie. Zakiyah, however, votes against Jozea. Paul is next, and he obviously goes against Paulie. We know who Frank wants out. Yep, it’s Jozea. We then go to commercials. Nice job, CBS, for making it look like this will be a close vote.

When we return, Da’Vonne obviously goes against Jozea, as does Michelle. Bronte, though, votes to evict Paulie. So does Natalie. Hey, it’s tied!!! James then votes to evict Jozea, and so does Tiffany and Corey. Jozea is out by a 7-4 vote.

Juie then announces that Bridgette is safe before telling Jozea that he’s out. Somebody must have told him in the last couple of hours, as he’s amazingly calm. He hugs everybody before quickly heading out the door. So much for that cocky departure he promised us!

After that stupid couple of minutes where everybody watches his picture fade to black, Julie finally begins the interview...after more commercials. She asks why he didn’t say anything as he was hugging everybody. “I’m a very truthful and honest person, and those that betrayed shall have their day in the house. I don’t feel I have to say anything to anybody in the house.” He claims he feels most betrayed by Natalie. OMG, Natalie voted for you!!! He thinks it was a “last moment switcheroo”. Julie asks how the self-proclaimed “Messiah” is now out of the house so quickly. He thinks it’s only due to last-minute strategy by the “other side”. “Some people in the house are weak-minded, and they let gossip get the best of them”. Come on, you silly goose. He’s then asks why he targeted the HOH, and he claims that it was his “personal agenda”. There’s no sens in this reasoning, and even Julie just goes “hmmm”. Being honest, according to Jozea, can leave to an “uprising” or a “downfall”. It happened to be his downfall. This is just getting more funny by the minute. Apparently, all of these house meetings he called were because he’s such a great “motivational speaker”. Yes, he did say that. “I feel me being that leader, the Messiah you can come to, would play best for my strategy in the game”.

There’s then some goodbye messages, starting with Day. She says the Messiah stuff is “where you lost me, boo”. Nicole then speaks but I have no idea what that nasal voice said. Paul then says he has no idea what happened, but he’s going to do what it takes. Paulie, of course, has to bring up his brother. Stop it!!! Your brother was a pussy!

Julie then asks what he would do differently, and he says he would be “tight-lipped and make one person my best friend”. Julie then announces that he will have another chance “to get back in the game”. The next big twist is the “battle back”, and it will send one of the first five evictees back to the game.

Hmmm, this is weird. Jozea will battle against Gleen, and the winner will then go against the next evictee. This isn’t fair at all. That fifth evictee only has to win once, while Glenn and Jozea have to win four matches. What the fuck, CBS?

The show then ends with the next HOH competition. It’s a team competition again, and the entire team is safe if they win. It’s called “Berry Balance”. They race across the wood planks to grab a “berry”. There are two paths. One is shorter but more difficult. If they fall, their berries will be dumped and they will be out of the game. The new HOH is the final person on the winning team to get a berry. (They will decide who gets that final opportunity.)

It’s immediately evident that this competition will head into overtime. Natalie makes a strong run, but falls on her return. Corey is the first to successfully return a berry, and Victory is second and Paul is third. As the show heads to its conclusion, James team appears to be in the lead.

So that’s it. Are you happy Jozea is gone? What did you think of the selective editing to make it look like he could be saved? Do you think this new twist is fair? Let me know your thoughts!!!


  1. Funny that you mention Lawon because he was in the audience behind Julia and Liz tonight.

  2. The battle back is a total rip-off of Redemption Island from Survivor. Of course, it is setup so if a returning player or production favorite gets evicted before jury, they will have a chance to return to the game. And you know any competition will be tailored to a returning player or production favorite. Personally, I am sick of players getting a chance to return to the game. If a person is evicted, they should be out of the game period.

  3. I was so happy to see Jozea leave, even though his ego made for some funny comments since "I'm always right" really meant "I'm always wrong." I think the Battle Back is unfair. Like @MisterMac said, the comp will be tailored to the favorite. I don't like having them return at all, but at least make it fair and not so obvious that production has their own faves they want back in.

  4. I thought that all the comps are set up in a certain order. Do they really shuffle them around to suit the favored houseguest?

  5. We've never had this verified but we have long-suspected that this has been the case at times. Now this BattleBack will be really easy to do this because they can film these at any time during the week since they're not going to air them until later this month.

  6. I will totally miss Jozea because he was so clueless!!! It was beautiful! I think they're will be plenty of drama Victor seems like a real asshat. He told Bronte go inside where you'll be useful..
    Are u kidding me!

    Do you think they're really going to not show the battle backs until later? I bet they show them on the Thursdays shows so they can release the loser from sequester.

  7. We will miss the pageantry of stupidity that was Jozea. This week will be tame compared to watching Jozea thinking he ran the house while on the block. That had to be the best episode in BB history. I hated him from the first minute he was on the show.Just so loud and cocky. Paul is the same way. Jozea even got it wrong on the interview with Julie after saying he had a good sense for things and said that Natalie betrayed him. Then his face when he saw Mama Day's goodbye message. That show was great last night just for that.

  8. That guy with the neck tats is a psycho. How did CBS everlet him be on this show? I wouldn't let that punk anywhere near my house.